John Heald’s Blog

I have to start today’s blog by publicly apologizing to gentlemen by the name of Edgar Melling who wrote this comment yesterday.

Mr.Heald

I have not been reading your blog for long and after today’s comments I doubt I will again. Your humor is at times worthy of a laugh but your comments about Royal Caribbean and calling their superior ships the ” Botox of the Seas ” and “Boring of the Seas ” are disdainful and unprofessional and you should apologize in writing to me and to Royal Caribbean. I will be sailing on the Independence Of The Seas ” in August with my partner and I intend to show your crude attempt
at humor to the Captain.

I await for your immediate apology to be posted on your daily blog.

Edgar Melling

West Palm Beach, Florida

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Today, I took Mum and Dad to a big American style shopping mall called Bluewater. It’s about 45 miles from where they live and they never get to go there very much and I wanted to treat them to a special day out………………..so armed to the teeth with credit cards, I went shopping…………..which as you know, next to flying and the French, is something I dislike with a huge dollop of passion……………can you imagine a place where I had all three at the same time……………shopping…………on  Air France.

Anyway, back to today and as I said I headed to this big mall with my credit card ready to spoil Mum and Dad.

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There are many signs of middle age: large tufts of hair growing out of your ears, a waistband that seems to grow each night regardless if all you have had to eat is a carrot, and an increasing bewilderment to the strange noises that younger people call “music.”
 
This morning however I realised without doubt that I am really old because I looked out of the window and heard my self say: “Ooh good, it’s raining.” This means you are more interested in your plants looking good than getting a tan and looking like George Hamilton yourself. 
 

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It appears that I am in the doghouse yet again with Heidi sending me there because of my constant negativity towards people with tattoos……………and because Heidi wants one.

The subject came up last night and one minute I was happily munching away on some sugar free Jell-O when Heidi (who had been reading yesterday’s blog) told me I was unfair to people with tattoos. So much so in fact that she wants to get one herself on her ankle of something called Tweety Bird….. wearing a sailors cap…what a load of bollocks.

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I have just spent the last three hours pretty much naked, in a small room while a lady applied lashings of warm lubricating jelly to most of my soft underbelly

I know what you are thinking and I am afraid I am not at Edie’s House of Pleasure, unfortunately this was an ultrasound test and part of my medical.

All crew members require a medical not only to make sure that we are all well and it is of course also a US Coast Guard requirement and no crew member can join the vessel without a current medical evaluation.

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