Take two chefs, give them the same ingredients and you will no doubt find yourself eating two completely different dishes both cooked to perfection.

The same can be said within the cruise industry. Take Carnival and Princess ……the recipe was to design ships to carry 3,000 plus guests using the same ingredients. Both have done so with huge success, yet, like chefs, both are very different.

I say this because as I start my review of my day onboard the Emerald Princess, I want to stress that at no time will I be comparing the ships against each other and that this blog is based purely on my views of the Emerald as seen by someone who loves ships…………and I thought I would take you along…………..so, if you are ready lets go aboard.

Amazingly, this was my first time aboard a Princess ship and as Heidi and I walked from one side of the pier where we were docked in Venice to the other side I was very excited to see the vessel.

Previous to our leaving we had gone through the usual “what shall I wear ” routine and as I patiently waited for Heidi to try on five different outfits (I already knew that she would end up wearing the first one she had tried on) the anticipation grew.

The Emerald Princess is 116,000 GRT yet she looks bigger and as we approached her bow (Heidi moaning that she had worn the wrong shoes) the ship glistened in the Venetian sun…………….this was going to be fun.

We were met at the gangway by a very happy security guard from the Philippines and I introduced myself with a greeting in her language “Magandang Abon” which either means Good Morning or if pronounced incorrectly by replacing the A of Abon with a H means “I am a good lover”…….I must have pronounced it right because rather than calling for back up she used her radio to let someone know we were here and politely asked for our identification.

As we handed over our ship I.D.’s we were met by the ships’ Chief Security and at this point I cannot remember his name which I am deeply embarrassed about. I can tell you that he was from the North of England although his nametag said Ireland and that he was so polite and very, very funny. That therefore narrows it down because it is rare that you meet a man in his position who is funny, as security is a serious position and even rarer that you meet someone from the North Of England with a sense of humour at all.

Anyway, Chief Happy called for the ships Cruise Director on his radio and we chatted for a while and I thought that he had already made us feel “at home”.

Then we were met by our two guides the ship’s Cruise Director James Lay and the First Purser in charge of Food and Beverage operations Andrew Spencer.

I had heard about young James and how highly thought of he was by Princess Cruises. There are too few occasions where a Cruise Director will meet another and when we do there is always a little bit of professional rivalry between us. I am always very conscious that every other Cruise Director I have ever met is either a Brad Pitt look a like with perfect teeth, a gorgeous tan and one of those deep, sexy voices or the female version, just replace Brad Pitt with Catherine Zeta Jones.

I was very pleased therefore to see that James was nearly as ugly as I am and that he was only two X’s away from sharing my clothing. As we shook hands it was obvious that this young man was in the right job. This cannot always be said in our profession. First impressions are very important to me and my first impression was that he was genuinely pleased to see us and I already could sense how proud he was to be showing off his beautiful home. Then there was Andrew. His firm handshake and warm welcome showed a man who also was very excited to be able to present this magnificent ship to us. More about these young men later.

It smells……….I mean, in a good way………….. There is a familiar odor about a cruise ship and that odor is one of excitement, fun and on the deck where we boarded it was the familiar smell of hard work from the crew. We walked up one deck using the stairs, (both James and Andrew ignoring my statement of “oh look, an elevator”) and reaching the top of Everest we entered into one of the most brilliantly thought out areas of the ship. The Piazza.

This is the heartbeat of the ship and, unlike most other cruise lines that place their information centers in the lobby, this is completely different. Think of this as European Café district, more importantly put all your favorite public spaces on your favorite cruise ship and put them all in one area……………… and that’s The Piazza.

It is designed to be an area just to “hang out” in which upon seeing it and feeling it you immediately want to do. It contains an Internet Station, a premium wine bar, a coffee and treats cafe and inviting seating that shouts for you to sit and stay a while. If you decide to do this you will not be bored. James explained that this area is designed in the same way as places like La Rambla in Barcelona or Covent Garden in London. As he spoke and as if on cue, a juggler/acrobat/street entertainer began his show to an audience of 50-plus people seated in the center of the Piazza and many more watching from other areas above………………yep, I was in Covent Garden …………the only difference was that nobody was trying to sell me a fake Rolex or tell me that I must repent my sins as the end of the world would be here in a few hours.

The wine bar I mentioned is called Vines and serves a flight of premium wines by the glass along accompanied by zesty sushi and daily specials such as Tapas. It is designed in such a way that as you enjoy a glass of Opus One, you can still enjoy the entertainment that according to James is constant and ongoing most of the day and night.

Across the way from Vines is the International Coffee Shop which was manned by a chef with a wonderful smile who greeted us warmly. Like most shipboard coffee shops you pay for the specialty coffees but unlike any other ship I had been on the pastries, doughnuts, treats and lunchtime salads were complimentary. You do pay a few dollars for the “Extra Special Selection ” which included ……..Toffee Apples the size of Pamela Andersen’s ……………… hands………. and just looking at the them put my sugar level up 10 points. The Coffee Shop was inspiring and the best I have seen on land or sea ……………it just made me want to buy one, sit down, watch the entertainment and stay a while……………….The Piazza is brilliant, simply brilliant.

As James and Andrew ignored my comments of “I am a food critic as well and I must try the pastries” we headed up to look at the various dining options on the vessel……………..oh joy I thought we are going to talk about food………….just talk.

There are many varied dining options on the vessel and they include the sometimes controversial “anytime dining.” “Some guests like it, some do not,” said Andrew which is why they have a regular dining room with conventional confirmed seating times. The anytime dining seems to be working for them especially as they will take bookings as late as 9:45pm. Andrew told us that if there is a small wait for a table that guests are provided with beepers and invited to relax in one of the many lounges and bars until they are beeped when their table is ready. The menu is the same in both restaurants and to me; it seems that they have successfully covered all the angles.

Unfortunately, there were no examples of the food for me to taste and as I contemplated pretending to faint from the lack of food my situation got worse as we were led into the galley and introduced the Executive Chef Michele Cozzoli.

My Dad once told me “never trust a thin chef “………….Chef Cozzoli was therefore very trustworthy.

He greeted me with the words “at last, a proper sized Cruise Director” …………actually, being Italian he said ……………”ata lasta, a propera size bigga Cruisa Directa” ………………………and that was me in love.

We chatted about his passion for food and again you could feel the pride oozing out of him as he spoke about his love of cooking. During the cruise the Chef will offer something called “An Evening At The Chef’s Table” which sounds like an unforgettable experience as you actually get to follow him around the galley during the galleys busiest hours followed by a VIP table hosted by Chef Cozolli where you get to everything……….even the table .

As we said Ciao to the Chef and he shook my hand I realized two patterns were emerging………….Princess had taken their best people and put them on this ship and the second ……………bloody hell when are we going to stop talking about food and actually feed me…………………..but the torture continued.

“Welcome to The Crown Grill” said Andrew as we entered the first of the Emerald’s two specialty restaurants. Oh good thought I, surely here there will be samples to try……………but no, nothing………….the tables were empty and the galley which is on display to the guests was quiet and still……………….it was a bit like saying…..”Angelina Jolie is waiting in your bedroom but the door is locked and there is no key.”

The restaurant is beautifully designed with rich oak tables, upgraded silverware and a real steak house feel, there is even a fireplace. The menu (which I will add onto the end of the review) costs $25 and the selections include a 22 ounce Porterhouse Steak, Lamb and Pork chops………..I mean separately, they haven’t fused a pig and a lamb together and called it a pimb…….I mean you can get…..you understand …………………..and of course a very large selection of Appetizers and deserts. Now, be prepared to be amazed. For only an extra $9, you can get a whole Main Lobster or a Brazilian Lobster Tail……………….and it is cooked LIVE……..I mean the lobsters are alive……………..now that’s something to scream about ……………especially if you are the lobster.

The Crown Grill is inviting and I can imagine that booking early is a must.

We left the Crown Grill and saw the casino and the Speakeasy cigar lounge but I was not really listening to what the chaps were saying as in my mind I was tucking into Larry the Lobster who had not died in vain.

I was snapped back to reality by the words “Let’s go and see our other specialty restaurant Sabatini’s”…………surely this time there would be some form of nourishment.

Sabatini’s is the second of my top three favorite areas of the ship. It is based on The La Tratoria (I know the words La and the are the same but I love the Movie “Mickey Blue Eyes.”) Before you go and eat there is a huge area for pre-dinner drinks with deep sofas and a wonderful piano entertainer……………then its time to manger…….mangai…eat.

The cover charge is only $20 per person but what a menu. It includes an all you can eat selection at the start which includes the various mixed Italian delights you would expect to find at a canal side restaurant in Venice. As for the main courses…….well rather than me ramble on and probably spell everything incorrectly as well I thought I might as well just slap on the menu which I will do later…………….”oh by the way, if the weather allows there is an outdoor area for Al Frescos dining,” said Andrew……..I was to hungry to be bothered to ask who Al was.

Andrew explained that after dinner. guests could return to those deep comfortable sofas and chairs for coffee and desert ………the cost of hiring a crane to hoist you out of them again was not discussed. Sabatini’s has been designed to perfection and especially with the ship being in Venice ………….but when it sailed, you would still fell like you were in Italy…………..it was indeed “Italy To Go.”

I now wanted to hit both Andrew and James over the head with one of Sabatini’s sofas as there was still no food and now the torture level had increased as the smell of cooking wafted past me from the galley as I nibbled on my last Tic Tac.

Please God can we see something else apart from food I thought and for a few moments we did as we explored the very impressive kids and teen areas ……….one separate area for each age group each done superbly and decorated with the kids in mind…………..I was very impressed. It was then that I saw a young lad of about 7 years of age playing in a thing with things in it and in his left hand he was holding ………………..a bag of potato chips…………right kid I thought, those are mine. ……………..but just as I was about to turn into Jack Bauer, set a perimeter and snatch the kids chips……..James said “Let’s Go,” …………and my plan was foiled.

We then saw Club Fusion Lounge. This is used as a multi activity and entertainment center and again is superbly laid out with more comfortable seating, plasma televisions and from 2 pm, bowls of peanuts…………….I looked at my watch…………it said 11:45 am.

This brings me to one of James’ most difficult jobs, scheduling the entertainment. Because of the Anytime Dining concept coupled with the set seating times and constant performances in the Piazza, he has to make sure that shows are scheduled accordingly. This means that guests not only have dining choices but entertainment choices as well with two shows going head to head in the 900 seater Princess Theater and the Club Fusion Lounge. I would be terrible at this as scheduling is something I leave to the Mrs. but James seemed to really enjoy it and it was obviously something he has perfected…….well done mate.

Following our chat about the joys of scheduling Andrew then led us up to the Horizon Terrace where not satisfied with the levels of torture he had bestowed upon me already he explained about the daily lunch specials and how in the evenings gusts could dine in a casual atmosphere while devouring themed menus. We walked to the outside deck where they were still serving breakfast and I felt Mike Tyson had given me the good news with a right hook as I watched a beautiful lady officer devour eggs, bacon and sausage………….a trickle of egg was running down her chin and I was about to leap over the railing and mop it up with a small piece of bread she had left on her plate when Little and Large decided it was time to go.

We then passed by the Ice Cream bar and my stomach was now making noises similar to the engine of an Aston Martin Vanquish. We walked under the big screen that plays movies under the stars and then headed for a very special place…………..both James and Andrew were explaining all about it but I had only heard four words “let’s stop for refreshments”………………………more about that later.

The Sanctuary is a slice of paradise, it is something that when Heidi saw it for the first time I thought she was going to fall to her knees and weep with happiness……………..I would have done but I was still climbing up the 20 steps to get there in my wool blazer, in 80 degree heat………..once I was there I my breathing sounded like the air conditioning unit on my old Alfa Romeo.

So what was it that had Heidi dreaming of being a Footballers’ wife as she lay there next to Posh and Pecks……….well, imagine suddenly being handed a remote control that paused the everyday life that can be found on every Lido Deck on every mega ship in the world………….pausing the kids screaming for there 12th ice cream……….pausing that one couple who insist on having a domestic louder than AC/DC on steroids……….pausing the search for that elusive spot that offers piece and quiet and tranquility…………..well imagine no longer………………it’s real…………….it costs only $10 for a half day pass and it is called The Sanctuary.

Large doublewide sun beds with extra padding, dedicated staff to serve your every whim, complimentary water and juices and if you have the energy you can walk 10 paces and have a massage in one of the special cabanas. There is also a lap pool which is one of those contraptions where you swim against the current………….rather like a treadmill in the water but don’t worry ………..exercise is not compulsory.

As we chatted about this special place the refreshments arrived…………..four Diet Cokes……………I looked longingly towards the steps to see if another waiter would be arriving, laden with fresh fruit and Porterhouse Steaks …………….nothing…………..Cheers said James………………..cheers mate…………………..and I drank my Diet Coke trying to decide if it would be rude to ask if the had a vending machine onboard.

Leaving The Sanctuary we stopped by the Lotus Spa and something unique to Princess, a place called….. a gym. I would describe it to you but for some reason Andrew and James had started speaking Klingon and I could not understand anything they said. After that we went through the theatre and backstage and met two of the beautiful dancers. They took the time along with a the not so beautiful but charming Technical Manager to walk us around backstage and through the dressing rooms explaining all about the various grand shows they perform. The two dancers and the technical manager were also suffering from the oozing with pride syndrome which seemed to afflict everyone we had met.

Leaving the dressing room and the wonderful aroma of feet it was nearly time to say goodbye but not before we were graciously met by the ship’s Senior Officers.

CAPTAIN: GIORGIO POMATA
CHIEF TECHNICAL OFFICER: ALESSANDRO
PASSENGER SERVICE DIRECTOR: MARTIN FORD

As we chatted I knew I had discovered the source of the “oozing with pride syndrome” ………..it was them. On a cruise ship hospitality and respect for the guests and fellow crew has to start at the top and it was obvious from meeting these fine gentlemen that the pride they had in their ship was shared by the rest of the ship’s company………….congratulations Captain, you should be very proud.

We said our goodbyes and walked down to the gangway. We said goodbye to James and Andrew who are two fine people and who Princess should be proud of. They both love their jobs and were the perfect hosts (well nearly) and I thank them so much for their valuable time. The guests of the Emerald Princess have a top notch Cruise Director in James and I can see why he is considered one of the very best in the business……………..it was great to see passengers coming up and saying how happy they were that he was the Cruise Director as they had sailed with him before.

Andrew is full of passion about guest service and I wish he could be cloned …………except maybe his nose…………..because Andrew is one of those rare people who love ships, love people who cruise on ships and truly love every nut and bolt of the Emerald.

What to say in closing……………….well, it was a great experience. The Piazza, The Sanctuary and Sabatini’s stole the show along with the crew themselves. Can I recommend this ship?…………………………..well let’s just say this. Following the bloggers cruise in January I am going to cruise on the Emerald Princess……….I haven’t asked yet but I am going to……….I am going to eat at every restaurant and probably three times at Sabatini’s……….I am then going to sit in one of those deep sofas and when I am ready to leave I will order a large German woman named Helga to carry me to bed.

In the morning I will lay on the doublewide sun lounger in The Sanctuary and when they ask me if I want fruit juice I shall say no thank you and order four Toffee Apples instead.

Most importantly I shall enjoy sampling more of that oozing of pride from the crew and everything that makes this ship something very, very special. The value of an emerald depends on cut, color, clarity, and carat, the four C’s………….well this Emerald has the four C’s as well………..

Charismatic………….The ship is stuffed full of Charisma – especially it’s Captain, Officers, Staff and Crew.
Cool……………..with its Piazza and the incomparable Sanctuary this is one cool ship.
Choice………….with the many dining and entertainment options available …………..the choice is yours.
Captivating……She certainly captivated me and I wanted to cruise on her right there and then…………as will you.

The value of this Emerald……………………………..she is priceless.

So Heidi and I returned home happy and hungry. We have invited the Captain and his Senior Officers over to our place next time so we can show them how proud we are of our home. We will treat them like royalty as we show them the fantastic Carnival Freedom but if they think they are getting anything to eat………………….they are mistaken..

Here are sample menus from Sabatini’s and the Crown Grill………..mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Here I am with from left to right.

JAMES LAY – CRUISE DIRECTOR
MARTIN FORD – PASSENGER SERVICES DIRECTOR
ME
GIORGIO POMATA – CAPTAIN
ALESSANDRO – CHIEF TECHNICAL OFFICER

PIAZZA CHARACTERS

PURE TORTURE AT THE INTERNATIONAL COFFEE SHOP

JOHN AND CHEF COZZOLI

THE SANCTUARY

A DIET COKE – ARE YOU KIDDING

WHERES THE FOOD AT

THE EMERALD PRINCESS AND THE CARNIVAL FREEDOM

Good Afternoon Everyone ……………I have decided that this blog is going to be one of pure happiness and joy complemented by some silly fun as well.

Why ?……………………………………….Well, after yesterday and the day I had I have decided that today I am going to only write about good things and henceforth this will be a happy blog……………….well mostly, because in order for me to tell be Mr. Happy I need to quickly paraphrase why yesterday was a day to forget.

1. Dropped Heidi’s expensive watch.

Heidi had left her watch by the sink in the bathroom and I accidentally knocked it onto the tiled floor smashing the glass……..no guesses where I have been all day.

2. I met that mad bat of a French lady I described in the Blog yesterday and she really got under my skin.

3. My sugar level got really low after dealing with Cruella I didn’t feel like eating…………..I felt a little “floppy” and therefore tested my sugar ………….oops ………..that was me in the doghouse inside the doghouse.

4. Tara, who did not know I was diabetic who had bought me back a beautiful box of French Chocolate Truffles………a thank you for organizing the On Deck for the Cure walk and for allowing her to “drop her inhibitions”………………..I was really happy and grateful but also really mad at myself that I had been such a bloody idiot to allow myself to be diabetic and therefore not able to enjoy the chocolates.

5. I got screamed at by the brother of the people who missed the ship yesterday in Cannes. After we sailed he asked to speak to me and decided that it was my fault and that I should have warned them about the train service to St. Tropez ………….he used a lot of bad language and it took all of my professional experience not to insert a large box of French chocolates in him.

6. Finally, I got some bad news from a friend at home………….nothing I want to share at this point but enough for me to feel like packing the bags ……….OK, asking Heidi to pack the bags ………….and buggering off home.

But, here I am and today is as a great friend e-mailed me last night and said “a new day” and therefore, it’s a happy and fun blog that I share with you this Friday.

Here is a photo then of what Big Ed, Alan and myself would have looked like a few thousand years ago. I suggest you skip this bit if easily offended.

See, I told you………………………..It’s going to be a happy blog.

Good news…………………no bad news today. As the cruise ends I can tell you that although I upset one guest who thought I was treating them like a child ………………..am I bothered ……………………….the cruise finished with only 24 cases of ………ummmm………Mr.D………….if you know what I mean ………………..and no NV outbreaks…………so I think I shall continue my announcements and try and help the guests stay well.

Also, here is a lovely letter I received a copy of about the Captain and staff of the Carnival Ecstasy………..have a look.

I wanted to share my most recent cruise experience with everyone. A little back history I have cruised with Carnival 4 times. My most recent cruise was on 09-08-2007 on the Carnival Ecstasy out of Galveston Texas. This is how my experience was: As soon as you set foot on the Ecstasy on the Empress deck you can already tell this will be a different cruise experience. The crew has a different aura about them they are happy and smiling and genuinely make you feel at home right away. Tina Noble was our cruise director and had been an Asst Cruise director on another cruise I was on about a year ago. She was phenomenal she was so much fun and never missed a beat. She danced under the stars with us on the sail away party with her huge white shoes. She made it a point after I told her my name to never forget who I was. I love her trying to speak our language in Texas tongue by saying things like Boogey Woogey and teaching country line dances. The morning of debarkation we where delayed due to Hurricane Humberto and she had the fun patrol running around with Free Hug signs which my daughter loved. She also had the comedian Tony Stone perform to kill time and the band up on promenade deck to keep everyone toe tapping. They showed a movie for the kids and really made us feel the 6-hour difference was just a small amount of time. She really sets the tone for the staff and makes you feel like for the 5 days you are on board that you are at home.

Captain Scala I must say was amazing. He was the only Captain on any ship I have been aboard that really took the time to stop and talk with anyone. He was like the dad of the ship. He took time to do a Q&A session with us and explain how things worked. He came over the speaker and informed us about everything and why it was done. During the delay coming back he got on the speaker every step of the way and explained what was going on. He is just an amazing man and I hope to cruise with him for years to come.

Vernon in the dining room of the Wind star at the 6:15 seating. Well I called him Big V for 5 days he was of course my best friend because I did not have to cook. He was such a nice person and my family got to know him during our time. He never missed a beat and always served us with a smile he could do anything aboard the ship with his knowledge and personality and it was a pleasure to have him and his assistant Vernon or little V serve us. If he happened to see us at lunch or breakfast he would always make a point to come and say hello and see how our day was.

The staff and crew aboard the Carnival Ecstasy recently won the Eagle award which is proudly displayed in the grand atrium. Every single one of them deserves this and I believe that every ship in the fleet can take notes from the Ecstasy crew. I will soon book my fifth cruise with Carnival and cannot wait to re-join my family on the high seas. I have enclosed a few pictures of my cruise and the wonderful staff of the Ecstasy. I cannot say enough good things and would love for you to pass this letter on to the crew so they may know how much they meant to me and my family.

Angela George.

Great letter and a wonderful example of everything that is good about Carnival and her employees………well done the Carnival Ecstasy team.

See, a happy blog.

Now, let’s have some happy photos. These were taken from a trip yesterday to Axi, a village in Provence in the South of France. Hope you enjoy them.

But first, the news

A man has been found wandering around his hometown at 4 am this morning in a confused state wearing a Royal Caribbean shirt, fish net stockings, suspenders and a black thong. The man was also said to have an orange and a banana in his underwear. When taking photos Police have removed the Royal Caribbean shirt to save his family any embarrassment.

Here are the letters for today’s In Their Own Words Section

And now Q & A…………………starting where I left off yesterday.

KAREN R – Thanks for catching up on all the blog thingies and even though my fingers are tired it is rewarding to know that so many people still enjoy the blogs so much. I wish I could offer your husband a cruise because he is a minister but if he did sail and volunteered to do a service we would of course be very thankful. I know you have said that you have never cruised with Carnival before so it is my job to see if I can persuade you to come and see for yourself just how wonderful a Carnival cruise vacation is. Therefore, I remain at your service and I hope one day I can say “welcome aboard” to you both in person.
DANNY – Thanks mate for the link which really made me chuckle. I wonder if Mr. S would be mad if I slid a copy under his door…………….probably! Thanks again and live long and prosper.
LISA AND ELAINE – the sunsets are waiting……….bring your camera.
SUSAN B – I am so sorry to hear that you to have been affected by breast cancer following the loss of both your grandmas. I was sad to read that your were crying reading the blog but I see also that you were gladdened by seeing so many people donating their vacation time and money to help raise awareness and a to help find a cure as we all walked on deck. My thoughts are with you and thank you for your wonderful and so sincere words.
CAROL SCHOENBERGER – Gary says he will be happy to be employed as your personal photographer and will work for free. How nice that you and so many others want to send things (I hope holiday cards) to us while we are at home and I will slap on the address in a few weeks time……………as there is nobody at home yet all the mail is being diverted. Thank you also for saying hello to Roberto as he is so important to the continuing success of the blog thingy. All the best Carol and hope you are well.
BIG ED – You are so kind to keep doing what you are doing in the support and enhancement of the blog. Thanks mate.
LFTTNSFP – Very funny! 39 days and counting………………..by the way…….we will have a welcome aboard cocktail party for the TA bloggers on the 28th at 7:30pm………………not in the cigar bar
LINDSEY B – OK, something big you say, well you asked the right person. I am going to suggest you look at the brilliant Carnival Liberty sailing out of Miami. I particularly recommend the Eastern Caribbean cruise it does to St.Thomas, Antigua, Tortola etc………..have a look at http://www.carnival.com/Ship_Detail.aspx?shipCode=LI
You will love the shows, the crew, the big screen on the Lido deck and have a wonderful time I promise. Have a look at this and then send me your questions. My two fingers are ready to type the answers and hope to hear from you soon…………..before you are abducted by green things from outer space.
DWA76 – I wish someone would Photoshop me. Hope all is well mate.
INEZ – We will be thinking about you this week as you go for your check up and I know everything will be OK. I hope to hear from you soon so we know that is the case. Thank you for your beautiful words and I wish you and Dean many more cruise adventures together. Heidi and I are thinking of you.
HEIDI & BETH AND KEVIN – Can you send me the address of your blog thingy as I would love to read all about your Carnival Glory cruise. I hear Wee Jimmy is not so wee anymore. It’s always great to hear from the three of you and please write soon. Cheers

We now move to comments and questions from the blog called “The Cleese Transcript”

But first…….the news

Air Force One arrives at Heathrow and President Bush strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.
Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth-shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious!

Both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach but the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen turns to President Bush, “Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that even a queen cannot control.”
George Bush, always trying to be presidential, replies, “Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought. Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.”

DWA76 – I am glad you liked the transcript of the John Cleese interview mate and you are right, interviewing him did help me realize one of my dreams. Thanks so much for the kind words and why not rent A Fish Called Wanda tonight.
CAROL SCHOENBERGER – My vote is also for Catherine Zeta Jones. I also have seen in Heidi’s magazines that AJ has had and is having some problems. Now, don’t get me wrong. I would still crawl through a pit of vipers to get to her but I think CZJ is the perfect choice for Godmother. I would love to see:
THE BAND OF HER MAJESTYS WELSH GUARDS PARADING THE PIER – CZJ IS WELSH
THE BRITISH AND AMERICAN NATIONAL ANTHEMS SUNG BY A WONDERFUL LADY SOPRANO AND PLAYED BY THE BANDS
CZJ TO CHRISTEN THE VESSEL
HUGE STREAMER AND CONFETTI CANNONS PLACED ON THE BOW AND OPEN DECKS LET FLY WHEN THE BOTTLE SMASHES
Sound good?
Maybe I should organize the ceremony…………..mmmmmmmmmmmm.
What do you think?

HERE ARE COMMENTS AND QUESTIONS FROM THE WILD WILLY BLOG

But first

A government social worker was visiting the Indian reservation for the first time.
Over by the store, a woman was yelling up a blue streak at an old Indian man. The man looked like he could use some help. The social worker walked over and broke up the disturbance by pulling the man aside.

“Hey, that lady sure has your number.”
“She no lady. She my wife.”
“You don’t say. What’s her name?”
“Wife name ‘Three Horse’.”
The social worker smiled. “Now that’s a strange name. Three Horse. Yep, that sure is a strange name. How did she get a name like that?”

“Nag nag nag.”

BILL ZYDECOCRUISER – Welcome back and after all you have done for me the gifts were the least I could do. I still listen to all the CD’s you sent me and have grown to really enjoy Zydeco music. Have fun with Mom and of course on the Carnival Conquest. I am posting one more recipe from Mum, I think you will like this one. Cheers mate.
MATT AND VIKKI TILL – What a great question. What are some of the strangest things people have tried to smuggle onboard? I thought long and hard about this one and I could only think of one, however, Duncan our Hotel Director added one brilliant one to the list…………….remember these were all discovered by the state room stewards so they actually managed to get them onboard.
A Whole Pigs Head…………..this had been given to a guest by relatives in San Juan to take back to Miami for cooking.
The only one I could think of is the common one of people trying to avoid having liquor taken at the gangway. The usual way is to empty a water bottle and fill it up ashore with vodka, gin, rum etc………..security know about this one now.
So, if you want to get your cat onboard we may have to get clever ……….maybe you could say it’s a new crewmember who works for the …………………. Housekeeping Department. ……………..sorry about that one. Cheers.
IVANA – Have fun in Prague and I hope you show us all some photos when you get back.
GREG BALDASARRI – Hello mate. Thanks for the great compliments about the John Cleese interview. It really was a magical experience and one I am glad I got to share with everyone. There will be more sunset photos soon I promise so stand by for that. Thanks for the best wishes and also for mentioning Roberto. LET’S GO HEAT………….cheers mate.
DAN – Hello Dan and thanks first of all for saying how much you enjoy the blog thingy. It is always great to welcome new people and its funny that you choose my close encounter with Fatima as your favorite so far…………..that’s my friend Alan’s fault. So, thanks also fro the link of yet another politician having fun with binoculars………….seems someone has been having fun with that Photoshop thingy again. Thanks again mate and I hope yours is a name I will see regularly on the blog thingy.

Now we move to the comments about the blog called Wild Willy……………….but first.

BIG ED – I certainly are looking forward to spending some quality time with all my blogger friends on the January 19 cruise. Todd has been gracious to allow me some time on stage, but he will take care of the day-to-day running of the ship. I don’t think I will be getting drunk as I haven’t been drinking for 11 years, I do however, enjoy watching others get happy. Anyway, there will be a coffee and a Drambuie waiting as requested, see you very soon. Don’t forget the dress.
THE BEARS – CARL AND BARB – I am glad you enjoyed today’s photos and I have passed on your thanks to Alarnya for taking them. I am sorry to hear that your first day back to work did not go so well. Please take it easy, rest your legs as you have been through a lot recently. Listen to Doctor John now. Tell Carl, he is hired as a Spice Girl, he will be……………..Bear Spice. Heidi sends her best to you as do I.
SOUTHERN DREAMS – It’s Friday today and I am hoping to hear the latest on your condition as you have been constantly in our thoughts. Let’s chat when you are on board and we will find the perfect tours for you. Please let us know how you are as we are thinking of you.
LFTTNSFCF – I am looking forward to receiving your wife’s complaint about there being too many places you can smoke. So yes, all is balanced again. In all seriousness, I really think, the only place where we may be having a concern is walking through the cigar bar to get to the Internet café. This is something that maybe was not planned correctly and we must do better.
However, with the Promenade and with exception of two public lounges, everything is non-smoking and I really do not think there is cause for anyone to complain…………who am I kidding? There will be plenty of sambas for you and even John and Diane are learning one. See you soon mate.
NICO R. – I am sorry Carnival did not reply to your request for employment. Please send me, via Roberto, your resume ASAP. I am sure your Carnival Pride cruise will be as enjoyable as the one on the Carnival Liberty and if you would like to highlight any staff member, please tell me who it is and I will be happy to forward it directly to the Vice President of that department. Thanks again for your posting and all the best.
CRUISING EAGLE – How wonderful that you have been reading my blog from the beginning. Regarding the Carnival Fantasy and the guest pins, you are correct, that on a 5-day cruise, they do indeed have a past guest party. Pins are issued to all returning guests but unfortunately, this was not the case on the past itinerary of the Carnival Fantasy during her 3- and 4-day cruising. I will see therefore, if I can get you a Carnival Fantasy pin as I will for the other blogger and watch this space for further information. I think it is so fantastic that your son and his new bride will be starting their married life on the Carnival Elation and I want to thank you for everything you said about the blog.
J TODDINMAN – No need to apologize, as this poem has gone straight to number one in the charts and I have just sent it to Alan, who no doubt will be overjoyed. You are very talented and if I may be so bold and when you have time, could I commission you to write a poem about Heidi and I? I remain your faithful number one fan.
M@&RT – It was no problem answering your questions, that is what I am here for. Just want to say with regards to Fatima, there was no escape and I was more worried what she would do with her pipe, if I tried to make a run for it. I am glad you are enjoying all the latest blogs and I am sure I will be able to get you in to see the galley as requested. Thanks for all your kind words, they really make my day and the Fish & Chips are on me.
BILL ZYDECO CRUISER – Consider it done mate.
TERESA C – I am so happy you are enjoying your photos and that it is bringing so many memories back to you. I am so excited that you are seriously thinking of cruising on the Carnival Splendor, it will be a joy to welcome you home. Thanks again for everything and a very good night to you.
SUSAN B – Then soda it is. Remind me when you get here. Everything here is good and today is definitely a better day than yesterday. It is very funny that you should ask for an interview with one of the Carnival Dancers as I just completed one which will be posted sometime next week. I hope your daughter keeps dancing and I am sure one day you will be a proud mum sitting on the front row, watching your daughter perform as one of our dancers. PA 007, as Unknown Spice………….great idea. Actually, I think he/she is actually a Spice Girl fan in real life. Thanks again for the wonderful posting, it was brilliant.
ALEXANDRIA – What a fantastic song, I remember Sweet so well from my youth and of course the Little Willy song. Thanks for the memories. I have a big smile on my face. ))
DWA76 – Tara will be leaving tomorrow and she promised to stay in touch with me as we all continue to think of her. Watch out for Wild Willy. Cheers mate, always great to see your name on the postings.
RUSS AND NINA FRANKLIN – Dubrovnik holds so many memories for those people who have been fortunate to visit this enchanting town. I see that you are definitely one of those people. We thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I don’t know this restaurant you mentioned in Rome but the calamari sounds heavenly. Thank you both for once again taking the time to post your comments.
LOIS CARING ABOUT OTHERSKI – I will look after Bonnie and deliver the hug as requested. And I have one for you here as well.

That’s all I have time for tonight and there will be more tomorrow.

I have a very special interview that goes with today’s blog. It will be posted separately in a few minutes and I truly hope you enjoy it.

I know I had a bad yesterday but it could have been worse. This was sent to me by my mate Alan and is taken from the Daily Mail Newspaper from last week………

This article was taken from the Daily Mail, August 20, 2007.

STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm.

This has been a happy blog and I intend to keep it happy until the end by telling you that tonight I had a wonderful conversation with Tara………….here is how it went.

TARA……………thank you John for everything I have had a wonderful time

John………….No need to thank me just get well and remember we are all thinking about you.

TARA………..I will e-mail you as soon as I am home and I am curious to read the blog.

John…………Thousands of people are thinking about you

TARA (crying)…………I know and this makes me so happy

John……….Well don’t cry anymore and when you do put on the DVDs I gave you of the cruise

TARA……….I will ………..still crying. I wanted to let you know about today in Pisa.

John……….What happened

Tara………..Dozens of Passengers were coming up to me and taking photos. Then a Japanese couple who were obviously with a tour group but not from the Freedom came up and asked if they could have a photo and asked me if I was famous……..so I said YES and they took photos.

Now, if anything makes me happy it was that conversation there…………………………….god bless her.

Goodnight and Be Happy

Your friends

John and Heidi

Can you tell us how long you have been working for Carnival Cruise Lines? What year did you start and what is your current position?
I started with Carnival Cruise Line 13 years ago I can remember the day I signed on the ship it was the 14^th June 1994 at 11:34 am on the Sensation. My current position is Chief Security.

Where are you from and what is the best thing about living there.
I am from the Philippines from a place called Darlac

Are you married and tell us about your family
Yes I am married and I have three children. I have one girl who is 14 years old and 2 boys, ages 10 and 6 years old

What does your job involve? Describe what you do each day.
I get up around 6:30 am I make sure that the security guards are doing the job on the gangway and ensure that all the security measures are met when entering port. I also have paperwork to do everyday and follow the security plans of the vessel. The job also means I have to make sure the ship is secure for all the guests and I am very privileged to be able to do it.

What is the best thing about working on a cruise ship?
The best thing is meeting new people on the cruise and talking to them.

What is the hardest thing about working on a cruise ship?
I find that the hardest thing working on a cruise ship is not being able to seeing my family.

Please tell us your favourtie things.

Food A doubo – A SPICY PORK DISH

Movie I like comedy and Action

Music Folk Songs

Favourite way to relax
My favourite way to relax is by going the gym

If you could have any job on the ship for a day what would you like to do and why.
The job I would love to do for the day is to be a casino dealer because you are dealing with one table and only dealing with small amount of people.

Favourite Port
My favourite port is Rome

If you could meet one famous person in the world who would it be and why.
I would love to meet the Pope

Here are the latest sunset photos taken by Gary as we left Livorno last night. I hope you enjoy them