Pierre the Frenchman went out last night, drunk three bottles of Chateau De Rude, ate a dozen frog legs with extra garlic. He then met his Russian friend and film star Georgy Hamiltonov and they both downed a dozen vodkas.
They are both now living in my head.
Well, that’s how I feel this morning as I sit here at 6:45 am waiting for our arrival in Grand Cayman so I can start the tender operation. Last night’s show starred my friend and top comedian Al Ernst. Al pretended to be a blogger and started the show walking through the audience in his own special and “southern ” way. We then did 15 minutes of material together which went down like a storm. I then introduced him for his midnight show……………which for those of you confused at what time that started ……….it was midnight.
Henceforth it was 1:30 am before my head hit the pillow whereupon I went straight to sleep and was dreaming of hiding for the rest of the cruise in Shaquille O’Neal’s shoe …………..when the alarm went off……….at 6 am.
So, here I sit, writing to you. Heidi is eating a croissant (her support of the French drives me mad) and I am nibbling on a bagel.
The Captain has just started to drop the anchor as I can I here it thundering toward the ocean depths………….I am sure this scares guests who reside at the forward part of the vessel and therefore I always put a little note on the Carnival Capers and mention this in my adventure talk so they don’t get scared and in turn the State room Stewards don’t have to change the bed sheets on 50 or so cabins.
It’s time to go……………….to organize tender operations……………………..don’t touch that dial.
I am back and I feel sick ……………….I had no time for breakfast this morning and on my way back from the bridge I passed by the office and saw one of the Entertainment Staff eating something on a cracker…………I asked for one………..and I am now paying the price. The staff member is from Australia and she offered me something called “Vegemite”………and within two seconds of it being in my mouth I knew it would take all my will power not to decorate the office with a coating of vomit.
I cannot describe the taste of this vegetable paste which truly tastes like it has been fermenting under a Frenchman’s armpit for a month………..if you are ever offered Vegemite……………say no………..run away…………I would rather eat Hippopotamus droppings served in A Urine of Skunk sauce………… than ever eat Vegemite again.
Grand Cayman is busy again today with us sharing the port with the Costa Fortuna (I love that name) and two other ships, one with ugly big lumps of rock stuck to the deck and another vessel whose owners had allowed some hippies to colour the forward and stern sections of the ship just after they had smoked their own underwear.
Anyway, this meant that thousands of guests had to be ferried into port by tenders and no matter how organized we onboard the three ships are it still is guaranteed that with that number of people visiting………….plus the crew ……….. lines are inevitable. I wish they would build a pier.
Time to get something to eat and then paper work………..yippee…………….as Arnold would say “I’ll be back.”
It’s now 6 pm and I have just returned from the past guest party. We have 1,400 past guests which is a wonderful advertisement for this great company. I met Dennis Evans who was wearing a baseball cap with all the pins he had collected on his 44 cruises festooned on it. He told me he has another 20 booked for 2008 and 2009 including the entire 40 something days from Miami to California…………I asked him what he did for a living…………….he is ……… wait for it…………….a retired………….tanker Captain………….yep…………he spent 36 years at sea working for Shell, sailing tankers all over the world. He told me he had never got the sea out of his system……….he has never married ………..and still has a girl in every port……cruising is his life now.
It’s now 9 pm and Heidi and I just returned from a special dinner given in honour (spelt correctly) of the press. Guna our Hotel Director prepared a fantastic Indian dinner for us which we all enjoyed on the upper level of the Lido restaurant. We feasted on Lamb, Prawns and Chicken all in various stages of spiciness ranging from mild to aahhhhhhhhhhh!
Joining us for dinner was Roger Blum who flew into Grand Cayman and will leave tomorrow from Jamaica. It was interesting to listen to members of the press say that our Big Easy show they had viewed here had “taken cruise ship shows to another level” which of course Roger has so much to do with along with his great team. I highlighted Roger in a previous blog and he will be highlighted again soon as we celebrate a special anniversary. It was a wonderful dinner and I was proud to sit with my friends from the press who took their valuable time to sail with us…………….thank you all, I hope you had fun.
You know, sometimes when I sit here and type I know that as I do there are some subjects that I should not talk about here on the blog. There are some subjects that I should leave alone. Here is one such subject that maybe I should not tell you about but my fingers are on automatic.
Tonight, on my way to the dinner I was telling you about I passed across the Lido Deck with Roger and Heidi. I said hello to the many guests who were sitting and enjoying the movie on the big screen “Night at the Museum.” ………..anyway, all was well until a gentlemen gave me that finger wave …………you know….that index finger waggle that is in my opinion a very rude way of saying “Please come over here as I need you”……….I have never responded well to the finger waggle but like a good Cocker Spaniel I ran to my masters side.
The gentlemen had a very unusual complaint…..actually complaint is probably not the correct word………..let’s try comment…….nope…..that’s too weak…….he had a point to make and he did so in a very animated way. He was angry because he suffered from a serious illness……..I won’t say what one …………….. but it is a terrible illness to suffer from…………He was angry because I had highlighted Breast Cancer and asked guests to respond with their donations and I had not mentioned the illness that he and many others suffered from………….his point…………….it was unfair.
We spoke for some time and I am sure you can all work out what I said in my defense but I was unable to make him see my point and he turned and walked away telling me that he would not cruise with Carnival again because of this incident…………..it ruined my night……………why?…………………well, I now have a whole bag full of emotions to carry around.
1. A guest says he won’t cruise with us again…..never words you want to hear.
2. He is suffering from an awful illness and I was not able to help him
3. He will leave the ship with nothing but negative thoughts towards me and the company
And worse of all……………………I am thinking…………….is he right? …………….. Of course he is not………..we can’t support every charity there is but for some strange reason he really got to me and therefore I felt like I needed to put my thoughts on the blog…………thanks for listening.
Here are some photos
1. Filming 2 morning shows- johninstudio.jpg
2. Ken, our wonderful Maitre d’, singing his favorite Sinatra tunes to the lucky dining room guests – ken.jpg
3. A page from the magnificent scrapbook prepared as one of my birthday gifts from the Bloggers………note the old style Capers. – scrapbook.jpg
Now it’s time for the talent show and after eating a huge Indian dinner it’s the last thing I need. I ignored most of the mild dishes opting instead for the spicy aahhhhhhhhhhhh dishes. Tonight will be a busy time for the Chief Plumber as I have a feeling my toilet is in for a night of shock and awe.
Goodnight
Your Friends
John and Heidi
Filed under: Bloggers Cruise, Tales from the Ship
Try not to feel badly about the sick man. The money raised for breast cancer was great and shouldn’t be diminished by Mr. Negative. You obviously can’t mention every disease out there. You would be talking for hours!
It’s great having the blog everyday again. Take a tums and have a good day!
Thank you for the pictures! The page from the scrapbook is remarkable to say the least! How good you must feel to know how the bloggers feel about you.
I was saddened to hear about the gentleman who was upset with you because of his affliction. I feel sorry for him and everyone that suffers from any illness. I just have one question… does he bad mouth Jerry Lewis because his Telethon doesn’t support research for his particular disease? Since breast cancer is the number 2 cancer killer among women, just behind lung cancer, I can easily understand why Carnival supports this cause. I’ll say a prayer for this gentleman. It seems that his heart could use some softening.
Don’t you just love Indian food??? Spicy or not, I can’t resist it!
Pass along my ‘howdies’ to Heidi, the Famous Roberto and rest of the Blogger’s crew!!
Greg
Hello John,
For a response:
Which ships and time frames will you be on board this year 2008? I’m thinking of grabbing a cruise with you as a CD but I’m not sure which ship you’ll be on.
-Marc
Ouch!!! I empathize that the finger saluting individual gave you unneeded anguish and ruined your evening griping about the breast cancer donations….a very worthwhile noble cause in my humble opinion. The emotional baggage with which you were burdened was in this case, very uncalled for. Carnival cannot nor should be expected to support all causes/charities. As terrible as his particular situation is (and reading into it… I think I interpret what the other charity in question is) lashing out at you about this would be totally inappropriate.
If this guest eventually reflects (and he will) on his actions and tactless display, and uses logic and common sense he shouldn’t have negative thoughts about you or Carnival. Carnival promotes fun for all on their cruises and doesn’t differentiate or discriminate when doling out that fun factor.
Cheer up Sir John
Dear John and Heidi
You csn tell that you are back at work and the vacation is OVER, The weirdos are out and that 1% are back to ruin your wonderful Indian dinner. I have never eaten Indian food. I cannot get the Big Kahuna to try it. My son says it is good but you have to start out with the lighter, milder stuff first…
The show “The Big Easy” was wonderful, we saw it on the T/A it was my favourite. (spelt correctly)Kudos to your friend Roger…Bravo to the CCL Singers & Dancers
Maybe “Mr Fingers “had a bad day in “Hell” {Grand Cayman….}
When or where do we get the “fare code for the bloggers 2009 cruise?
Take Care
The Tuckers
Arnold & Elizabeth
Hi John, I can’t believe anyone being so rude to you. He should have thanked you for giving him some time to have fun, during his illness, there are lots of illnesses out there, diabetes being one, we can’t ask for donations from passengers for every illness out there, I think you are doing a wonderful thing with the Breast Cancer campaign and I applaud you for that! So, don’t be so hard on yourself! You are a wonderful humanitarian and someone such as that man should be grateful for your compassion towards mankind, and not ridicule you. I lost a husband to heart disease many years ago, and I suspect that is what he was referring to, but even if it were not, he should not have voiced his opinion on you like that. I know the bloggers cruise is coming to an end in a few days, and I know from everyones blogs (Bee keeps us informed) and Nani has spoken to Elaine, Big Ed and you onboard so she keeps us all informed too, so that’s nice too, can’t wait to see MORE pictures. Glad your party was a SURPRISE! Happy Thursday night to you too! Hi Heidi! Anxious to hear what everyone does in Ocho Rios, so let us know ok? A special tour is planned, right? “The John Heald Ocho Rios tour” should be fun! Happy rest of the cruise to you all! Linda
Hi John,
As I read on, my heart sank and I felt the indifference you must have as you talked with the gentleman. I know you did everything you could to make this situation better for him.
You have said in past blogs how Carnival and its Employees do so much to support many worthwhile charities.
Jeanne and I love the fact Carnival supports a fundraising effort we also support here at home. We also have rescued cats and two greyhounds from the racetrack (or did they rescue us???!!!). There are so many causes that need help that it is difficult to choose which to support and surely, Carnival cannot support them all. It is a sad fact that the statistics for breast cancer have risen dramatically, INCLUDING THE DIAGNOSIS FOR MEN! I’m sure many people support the gentleman’s concerns also.
I hope in his quest he finds the strength to positively support others in his position.
Sometimes in my daily travels people will ask for donation and I’ll often take out something from my wallet. I hope whatever I give will help someone and I tell people that whatever you give is good. In some way, it will one day come back to you.
Keep up the good my Friend
Regards Ray Czenszak
John,
I’m sorry you have been made to feel bad. I think I know what his illness may be and I’m truly sorry for him and others that share his illness. I for 1 am greatful to Carnival and you for helping to raise awareness and money for Breast Cancer. You may remember I told you a few months ago that my Mom is a Breast Cancer survivor. I hope this gentleman will come to realize that Carnival simply can’t raise money for every worthy cause. There are many illnesses out there we all want to see a cure for at least Carnival has contributed to 1 of them. I’m sorry he has decided that Carnival isn’t the Cruise Line for him. John, you can’t take the comments personally. I’ll pray for him and you. Anyway keep having a fantastic time with all your blogging friends. Hugs.
Leasa
We all have a serious cruising addiction that only Carnival can ease the burden of. I think Carnival should hold on board fund raisers to help ease the suffering of those who could not be on the now famous Bloggers Cruise. If you start collections now then all 1,000,000 of us could sell out the Fantasy for the whole 2009 season. Just think, a blogger cruise every week!
You would need another vacation after that.
John,
Once again you have captivated me with your tales and reports!! Thank you! It all comes alive as you tell your reports of the day. I can be there with you while I sit on dry ground surrounded by 39F weather!!!
It is hard… you cannot support all worthy causes… That’s why there are many people, many corporations, and many philanthropists! We each can choose which causes we can support. If we chose each and everyone — we’d go broke. I’m sure you asked him which worthy causes he supports and how he chooses. I’m sure he can’t support all of them…
It’s ECSTASY in 10 more days for me!!! I’m going to be asking Goose to carry all my packages as I shop…
You know, your blogs have taught us how NOT to treat our CDs! You are a great and WISE teacher!!!!
Best regards, until Blogger’s Cruise ‘09!
Kirsten
John:
May you have the strength to solve the problems you can, the understanding that not all problems are within your grasp to solve…and the wisdom to know the difference.
And also know that for every “starfish” that crosses your path, you have more friends than the grains of sand on a beach who adore you!!
John -
I did not feel slighted at all by the Breast Cancer walk on the TA, in part because Todd sang to all cancer survivors, not just the breast cancer survivors.
Some will question my way of thinking, but I am a >12 time cancer survivor. In my case, it is skin cancers, which may not seem like much of an issue, but, left unattended, can metastasize and eventually kill. I feel blessed that my cancers have bee recognized and removed early, albeit way too many times for me.
Now, onto the subject of photo #2 – we left the Transatlantic Cruise with an autographed picture of the great Ken. What a lovely man with such a lovely voice.
During the TA, our table mates were disappointed that Ken was not coming up to the second floor. We mentioned it to him (he had just returned from a vacation) and he told us he was testing the microphone to be able to sing up there. He asked for our table mate’s name and, of course, announced that tonight’s tune was for Shirley at table 516 (or whatever our table # was).
We were at the Supper Club that night, but understand that Shirley jumped up and ran to the piano area overlooking the ground floor. Ken came up to the second floor and had trouble finding her, but eventually did and sang directly to here.
As I said – a beautiful man with a beautiful voice. Why he is not featured in your Legends show every week, I do not know. (OK., maybe it is because he is featured every night).
Jon
I absolutely DEMAND he be our Maitre d’
All the pictures throughout the cruise came out great! Thanks for sharing them. I feel sorry for that man, and what he and many others are going through, but I believe that rather saying what he said, he should’ve been more supportive. I feel happy that Carnival is raising money for Breast Cancer. I believe it’s a great idea. But just like many others said, you can’t support all the charities.
Nowadays, the littlest things cause people to say things like “I’m never sailing with Carnival again” or “Never doing business with this company again”. When I worked in retail, I had many people say such things, because a small sale sign wasn’t taken down yet the next morning after the sale ended.
Last August, I sailed on the Triumph with my girlfriend and on debarkation day in Miami, there were these two older women complaining on the bus, because the driver was taking too long. They blamed Carnival, and said, “I’m never sailing with this cruise line again!”. I have to give these guys a lot of credit. There’s so many of them working their butts off in 90 degree weather all day, soaked in a thick layer of sweat trying to fill up buses with the luggage of 3000 guests. Some people just don’t understand and never will, unfortunately. I’m loyal to Carnival, and only sailed with Carnival. This was my girlfriend’s first cruise and she loved it as well.
Hope the last day of your Blogger’s Cruise runs smoothly. Weather looks beautiful according to the webcam. Have a great day guys!
Best Regards,
Alex G.
John,
You always make my day. It is a good thing I don’t drink coffee while reading ….
Happy birthday! I was telling the story of the jelly bean gift at the dinner table last night and the boys thought it hilarious. Congrats to Big Ed and Heidi for pulling it off!
Thanks for the picture of Ken also. I hope he will be our Host again when we are on board the Freedom next December. He’s the best!
Have a great day .
Hi John/Heidi:
You brought back some bad memories with Vegemite…Ugh
I can’t imagine so many of those big ships in port together in Grand Cayman. Sounds like a logistical nightmare.
Great pictures today. Didn’t realize how big of a production the morning show is.
Thanks!
David
About that person. Every time you write a negative comment from anybody – I’m almost sure, all these people will forget their thoughts and replics before you can even imagine it – before turning home! We will remember longer… Don’t you think that Chinese lady is still blaming Mr. John Heald who didn’t provided her with Mah Jong??? I don’t think so
))
Hope you enjoy every day of it – and we wish you have more time for sleep 
Sincerely )
Cruising – is so my fun!
John,
Obviously, this man is very bitter about his illness and very selfish, in that if he can’t benefit from the fund raiser, then no one should. It is a shame that when you try to do good, that it comes back and slaps you in the face!
Also I second your opinion of vegemite. We once had a Missionary come to our church from
Australia and he brought some vegemite to the Kids Sunday school class that I was teaching. He put it on crackers for the kids to try . We were lucky none of the kids upchucked!
John,
This is my first post to the blog. While I have read your blog in the past, we were fortunate that you chose to have the Bloggers Cruise on the week we had this cruise booked. We loved the “extras” that we received as being a blogger.
After a few days on the ship, it was very apparent that you truly care about every passenger on the ship. That is a big burden for you to carry, but that is what makes you so special as a Cruise Director.
As far as that gentleman, one thing that you have to understand is that you simply can’t (as I am sure you know) please everybody. Many people come on a cruise with the self-fulfilling idea that they are not going to have a good time, and there is nothing that you can do to change that. On our flight home, I sat next to a gentleman that also said that he would never sail Carnival again. He booked his cruise and flight through Carnival, and the flight was delayed due to mechanical problems so he missed the ship, and nobody could help him. He had requested travel insurance through his TA and was given a policy that only reimbursed him $500. He was bitter, and I can understand that. Maybe Carnival failed him, and surely his TA failed him, but unfortunately a ruined vacation is always blamed on the last company in the line. Just remember that you can’t save everybody.
All I can tell you is that my family had one of the best vacations EVER this past week. My two kids were happy they got their “ship on a stick” for drawing pictures. Everybody in my family would love to attend a cruise that you will be hosting.
I wish that I had a chance to say “HI!” personally, but you always had so many people trying to talk to you that I am sure that you didn’t need the additional burden of “more people”. We did talk briefly though on your Morning Show, when I was the first caller.
I will be writing the president of Carnival with my thoughts on the pluses and minuses of our cruise. Comment cards are nice, but I think a personal communication allows me to express my feelings better than coloring in a circle. I know the president will never actually read it. but it makes me feel better.
I am almost sure that we have seen you on a previous cruise, and that would have been the (I believe) the Fascination in February of 1992 or 1993. Any change it was you?
Thanks for the great vacation, and thanks to Carnival for providing such a great product at such a value price.
Neal
My wife, Diane, and I just got home from last weeks cruise. We are still laughing at what was the best cruise we have ever been on. This was our 9th cruise. We have been on Royal Caribbean, Disney, Norweigen and Carnival and this was the best time we have ever experienced. We want to thank you and the other guests who made this special.
We have one problem, Carnival has spoiled us to the point to where we can not cruise on any other ships other than Carnival with the big screen on the Lido deck and John Heald as cruise director. I am looking to book our 2009 cruise and want to know what your schedule is? Please respond.
Another problem we are having is getting people to believe what happened during the Mary skit. Unfortunately I did not buy a copy, I wish I had because we fail misserably to describe what happened. Still can not stop laughing.
Thank you for making our trip something special.
Hi John,
Boy I have a lot of reading to do. Falling behind in my blogs. I just viewed all the nice pictures. I have to ask: who is the guy behind the camera in the picture “filming morning show”. He appears quite cute. Interview him!