John Heald's Blog

It’s been a long and emotional day. It is 9:05 pm and the captain just informed me that we have another medical emergency and that we are at full speed to return to Miami as soon as possible. We should arrive at 3:15 am.

The rest of the day has been filled with so much mixed emotion and as always I want to share these emotions with all of you.

Let’s start with ANGER.

No guesses where the anger is coming from. I promised yesterday not to mention Mrs. “You’re a list” but she was very much part of my day. After the debarkation talk which had ended with a HUGE standing ovation for all the crew and howls of laughter as we ran the highlights of the week video I hosted the usual Q and A session. Guess who was first ……… yep ………my nemesis.

This time her anger had reached a new level……………her chosen subject was last night’s show which was a tribute to the Beatles………….and she was about to give me a hard days night. The fact that we had paid tribute a “white” band had her raging and she screamed and spat abuse and as she did so I became fixated with her neck which took on a life of its own as it moved from side to side and back and forwards like a rabid turtle looking for a clump of lettuce……………

I explained that the Beatles music transcended generations and colors but she as usual had no intention of listening so I stood there watching the turtle and waiting for a chance to speak………………I never got it……………two other guests waiting behind her began telling her what they thought of her comments and the turtle turned on them ……………. this was getting out of hand so I intervened and asked the lady to please leave, calm down and I would speak to her later…………..she stormed away …………the turtle having one last look around the room.

I never saw her again…………I didn’t really try to…………I have nothing left to say……….she has made her mind up and that’s that. My biggest concern is tonight’s Carnival Legends show…………..the part of Aretha Franklin was won by a white lady…….don’t think the turtle will like that very much.

The next emotion I want to share is the joy and fun found in the young…………..IT’S TIME FOR SOME TEENAGE CHEEKINESS

Have a read of this letter.

Yep, that’s me Hotter than David Beckham……….the man who is paid a million dollars to pose in a pair of Italian underwear and point to some imaginary object in the distance. I am hotter than the man millions of girls have a poster of in their bedrooms. I am hotter than the man millions of men have a poster of in their bedrooms.

Of course by saying this Kim hinted that she would like free stuff and she got it……………..a photo of me in my underwear ……no……of course she didn’t but she did get a solid gold plastic trophy, a signed photo and a t shirt……….and fame on the blog. Today’s teenagers are never shy to ask for what they want…………….and it’s always fun to be around them when they do.

Armani should get rid of David and get someone else to advertise their underwear………..George Hamilton………now I can picture that.

Next up is the emotion GIVING.

Have a read of this.

I had seen the gentlemen in the strange red Fez-style hats walking around but it was only after reading this letter that I realized what incredible work they do. I had a chat with some of them during the afternoon show and the stories they told of how they raise money was wonderful to hear. I saluted them for all they have done and thanked them for reminding us that GIVING is a wonderful emotion to experience.

I have a few more emotions to share with you but first here are some photos.

OK, let’s press on with some Q and A…………….here we go.

TOM AND JANE……………..I do not know much about the plans for the Carnival Dream but I can tell you the public areas will be something very special. It was great to read that you and your friends feel the food on Carnival ships is the best………we certainly have come along way and we are not finished yet. Thanks as always and our best to you both.
LINDA THE MOUSE………….You asked for our current address Linda and it is;
JOHN HEALD
SENIOR CRUISE DIRECTOR
CARNIVAL FREEDOM
PO BOX 025472
MIAMI, FLORIDA
33102-5351
Please can you remind me two weeks before you sail on the Carnival Inspiration and I will arrange the book for you. Thanks Linda and my best to you and all the other mouses.
MARK……………..The urge was there but I remained calm. Thanks mate.
PAULMEDIK………….Congratulations, good choice and the category11 cabin will be the perfect way to enjoy your special cruise vacation. Let me know if I can help further. Cheers.
SHERYL…………..You asked about more cruising out of New York and I am sure for many people who like you are Carnival fans, this would something that you would really enjoy. I know we have seasonal sailings from the Big Apple and they are immensely popular. I have forwarded your comments to our new and shiny Senior Vice President Terry Thornton and it will be interesting to see what he has to say. Thanks for the suggestion and thank you so much for your loyalty.
CRUIZINSAL………..When someone says they are thinking of booking a cruise but only if I will be there it makes me feel all tingly……..is that a word? Anyway, I will indeed be on the Carnival Splendor in July and it would be an honour to have you sail. Let me know what you decide to do and thanks for taking the time to write.
PEANUTS………….That’s really weird………….I was taking a sip of monkey tea from my Detroit Pistons flask thingy and your name pops up on my list. Thanks for the flask again and thanks for all your kind words.
SHIRLEY CALES………………..My goodness you are indeed correct and the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen video I had a starring role in has indeed be renamed ……………..here it is

Please let me know what you think of my role. I tried to use the acting skills of Michael Caine and George Hamilton with a little bit of Brando thrown in……………….personally I thought it was an Oscar winning performance. What do you think? Cheers.
CHRIS AND JAMES…………Welcome to the blog and I am happy that you are enjoying reading it on a daily basis. In answer to your question your cabin is on deck 9 which is called Lido deck and it’s at the midship area. You have a full ceiling to floor window with a door leading to the balcony. It’s a fantastic cabin and you will have some great views as we enter port. I will see you in August mate and let me know if there is anything else I can do for you. Cheers.
CINDY 56…………..I didn’t see the Celebrity ship in St. Thomas because they were docked on the other side of the island at the dock called Submarine Base. It was a beautiful day and just as the ships were leaving it started to rain. Hope that helps and I hope you continue to enjoy the blog thingy.
DAVE CARSON…………..Hello David and let me get straight into answering your questions. You will indeed be able to take the Rome at a Glance tour upon arrival and from there you will be taken directly to the ship. As you have an early flight on your return home I do suggest this so at least you can see some of the enchanting Rome. You then asked about debarkation and the flight you have will be easily made as we have transportation starting at 5:45 am. Let me know if you have any other questions as I am at your service. Cheers.
SAMANTHA LLOYD………….just wanted to say hi and thank you for those kind words……………..keep laughing.
DEBS ROSATO……………..Chocolate cake is on the menu………let the fun begin! There is no news on the 2010 European season yet but I know PA 007 will let me know as and when they hear anything and the same goes for Baltimore. I know the Carnival Miracle sailings were very popular from there so I wouldn’t be surprised if one day the future brings some more of those. Thanks Debs and all the best.
RUTH JAMISON………………we will indeed have an Inaugural bloggers party………….red or white wine?
JERRI GREEN………….ah, the fantastic cave tubing tour in Belize. It is the thing to do there without a doubt. The current moves you along at a serene pace and occasionally you need to give yourself a little shove. Make sure that your bottom doesn’t pick up anything from the river bed along the way. Anyone can do this and it is something I really recommend. Hope this helps and let me know if you have any other questions. Cheers.
JENNIFER HAMMOND…………….Sailing on a Princess cruise out of Tahiti………wow…………..please send us your report………it sounds amazing.
DEMOS……………….Beautiful words and thank you for sharing them with us all. I am glad you appreciate the Supper Club booking system. I wanted to do this and thanks to Roberto and Stephanie and their magic stuff that they can do with computers my wish has been granted. Thanks again Mary and I hope you continue to enjoy the blog thingy for many days to come.
RICKMTL – AKA SEANCONNERYLOOKALIKE…………….Do you look like him………..if you do I am sure many ladies will be swooning right now. Anyway, if you do how about a photo? In answer to your question I am sorry but Marcus will not be on the cruise during the March 29 cruise however you will have some fantastic entertainment which will have you and Miss Moneypenny standing and cheering. Hope the all nighter went well……….you must be exhausted………….just say Dr.No. Cheers mate.
SHERRIF ROSCO P COLTRANE………………I have passed your demands on to the Captain of the Carnival Glory and he has agreed that you can arrest anyone not conforming to the Sheriff’s regulations………….what’s a trailer park?
LEASA……………….I did see the post on the dolphin swim and for many this is something that is a must do. I was sorry to hear you will not be with us next year but your Carnival Miracle cruise will be so much fun and the ports are brilliant. I highly recommend the Golden Eagle Catamaran tour in St. Martin. The snorkeling is some of the best in the world and the boat itself and its crew are just brilliant. I have never been to St.Kitts or St.Lucia so I sent this across to one of my colleagues for their advice. Stand by for that and thanks for the kind words for the guest who was taken off the vessel. Heidi and I send you our best regards.
PAUL F. PIETRANGELO…………Good morning Paul. Unfortunately the facilities at Costa Maya are not yet ready so your son and daughter in law will not be calling there on their honeymoon cruise. I understand instead they will be calling at Cozumel as well as Grand Cayman and Ocho Rios, Jamaica. Please will remind me the week before they sail so I can send them a little gift. Thanks Paul and as always our kindest regards to you.
JOHN H…………..Great initials by the way…………and you are correct ………as was Mark above you in his posting. Healthy competition is always good. Thanks mate.
JOE KYLE…………..I read your posting and I had to laugh……….a lot. Why on the first night would a cruise director spend time advertising another cruise line and at the same time upset many people with his parody of Carnival Cruise Lines and saying that CARNIVAL GUESTS EAT WITH THEIR HANDS………that’s a CD with very little material. Oh well………….I guess I am not one to talk as although I have never ever mentioned them or any other non-family line on stage, I do occasionally have a little fun with them here on my blog thingy. I want to thank you for letting me know about this situation and I would write more but its time for breakfast so me and the guests are going down to rummage through the trash cans and see what’s on the menu. Until the next time you post (and I hope you will) many thanks for your words of support.
BELLE907………….Of course we can show the naming ceremony on your cruise………….however………….don’t tell anyone but we are hoping to have a live feed of the ceremony on the blog thingy…….sssssshhhhh.
BARBARA BUTLER……………………….I cannot thank you enough for this very important information. I will be sharing it with all the staff here and also sending it out fleet wide so everyone has it. There are some great points that maybe we may have overlooked especially with regard to the welfare of the dogs themselves. I thank you so very much and your information will really help make this a special cruise for everyone. Heidi and I send our best to you and big hug for Valentine.
SHELLY…………I totally agree that you and I should be able to get a Sea Miles credit card but at this moment its only for U.S. Citizens. However, I am informed that this Summer the program will be rolled out for Canadians as well so look out for that. As soon as I get the exact date that this will happen I will let you know. Thanks for the kind words and see you soon.
RUS AND NINA FRANKLIN……………….I just looked at Google Earth and you are right……..wow………that looks amazing. You were right also about the doghouse mate…………..I should have seen that one coming. I hope you dream of back to back cruises in South America happens as you both deserve to live your dreams. Cheers and please keep posting.
JOHN………….No mate, you were right to bring the subject up and I was mad at myself that I may have upset a loyal RCI fan. One thing is for sure…………this industry is very competitive and there is room for friendly banter………certainly her on the blog but I have instructed all of our Cruise Directors never to make fun of them or their customers on stage. Anyway, hope all is well with you mate and this blog is all about discussion which is what we have had thanks to your comments. Cheers and hope to hear from you soon.
BILL – ZYDECOCRUISE…………..mate, nearer the time we will slap on a registration form for a Bloggers party on the Carnival Splendor and yes………….there will be food.
GIRLDOC……………..The latest news on the guest we disembarked in St.Thomas is that he remains in a stable condition in the ICU ward. My thanks to you and the bloggers who have sent their thoughts and best wishes for the family.
PETER JUDGE……………….I hope you are able to come and join us on the Carnival Splendor Peter and if you do I promise you a wonderful time. I wish I was able to open the naming ceremony up to visitors but unfortunately I am not permitted to do so. However as I just mentioned there will be a live feed of the ceremony on the blog so hopefully you will see me and our Godmother perform this special ceremony. Thanks mate……….where in London do you live?
TOM AND JANE………………that just made me laugh!
CRUISE MOM FROM MA…………………..How kind to write such wonderful words about me. Yes, I will be the cruise director for your Carnival Splendor cruise in August. If you or the family have any questions please let me know. It will be wonderful to sail with you all again and until then check in at the blog every now and then. Our best to you all.
VICKI ……………can you send me your last name and cabin number please. Cheers.
GREG BALDASSARI………….Probably spelt it wrong again and as you are now writing Greg B I have no way of checking……bugger.
Just wanted to say thanks for your continuing support and great postings mate. Cheers.
BIG ED………..Hello mate. I know you and your crew and many others are anxiously waiting for news on the pre 2009 Bloggers cruise. I am working hard on this with Stephanie and Roberto and we will make sure you all know everything soon. I guess following your article in the Houston newspaper you can get a free meal in any restaurant in town…………lucky sod. My best as always to you and Mrs. Big Ed.
RUTH JAMISON………………Unfortunately the naming ceremony Ruth will be just for guests who are invited and the guests sailing on the vessel. You will be able to watch it on line though. Now, Scotland. You asked if you can do a day trip from London……….nope. Scotland by train is 6 hours and 9 hours by coach and when you get to Edinburgh you need at least two days to see everything. It’s a shame because Scotland is stunning. What is more accessible is the Cotswold’s or Shakespeare country as it’s called. This area is just beautiful and I really recommend this postcard perfect area. Let me know if you have any other questions Ruth or need further information. Cheers.

That’s all for today. I know I am way behind in answering comments and questions and I will hopefully catch up over the weekend.

Let’s continue with our Emotion blog. The next Emotion I want to cover is FULFILMENT.

Read this.

I had the two ladies as guests on the Morning Show and the first thing I asked was “What is a bucket list?” Well, apparently this refers to a movie starring Jack Nicholson about a chap who wants to fulfill his dreams before he dies…………..and he does…………and so are these ladies …………. aged in their 60′s ………..who this week went Parasailing and Jet Skiing. Next up they said was learning to scuba dive and then a parachute jump.
This got me thinking……………what’s on my bucket list …………… mmmmmmmmmm…………..my top 5 are

1. Drive an Aston Martin convertible down Miami’s Ocean Drive.
2. Accidentally press the “empty toilet sewage” button while flying in a 747 over France
3. Sail on the RCI ship where the Cruise Director said Carnival Guests eat with their hands…………..and at dinner………eat with my hands
4. Host a 2010 bloggers cruise on the Queen Mary 2
5. Meet each and every person who reads the blog thingy.

Anyway, these two ladies were living their dreams and the fulfillment they got from their adventures was plain for all to see.

Next up…………the emotion of Tears………..TEARS OF JOY AND TEARS OF SADNESS

Here is the letter.

A letter full of mixed emotion. I gave Joanne a copy of the Bedtime Story DVD so if she is having a bad day following her chemo treatments that maybe, just maybe some of the laughter she enjoyed here on board will help her get through the tough times ahead. Letters like this make you realize how important laughter is. We spoke, we hugged and I realized also that this job I am so fortunate to have can occasionally make such a difference to people’s lives.

And finally……………THE EMOTION OF GRATITUDE AND LOVE

Here is the letter

I sent a copy of this letter to everyone onboard………….further words are not needed……….the letter says it all.

It has been a week full of emotion ranging from anger, to sadness and most of all fun and laughter. Oh, just before I go…….one more thing.

Last night I was invited to the renewal of marriage vowels of Ann and David Martin. This lovely couple from Baltimore has been married for 40 years and had arranged to have Captain D’Aita renew their vows and they asked if I would stand as a witness. It was a beautiful ceremony and Heidi and I stood and listened to the Captain recite the same vows they had promised to uphold 40 years ago.

After the service I held Heidi’s hand in one of those rare moments of public displays of affection that washes over me every time Mars is in line with Uranus. Heidi asked me if I remembered our vows and immediately I knew that I was in trouble because I hadn’t a clue. I know we spent time writing them together but I had no idea…………I can receipt the lifeboat drill……….

I can remember the name of the girl who threw up while my mate Alan was kissing her 24 years ago (Penny Long)…….but could I remember our wedding vows………………nope. Now, I know there are many women reading this who are thinking “How could you forget?” ……….some of the more radical readers are trying to decide if they should use a chain saw or a blunt spoon to cut the off……………but hold on…………..can your husband remember his………….go on…………ask them…………..there may be a lot of men speaking in a higher voice tonight.

Anyway, after the love moment had packed its bags and gone skiing we walked back to the cabin…………trying to rescue something from the night I asked Heidi if one day she would like to renew our vows ………….. she said nothing for a moment and then said these exact words ………..”Yes”………..but I need to change them too………….

“Heidi, do you promise to love him, honour him, cook for him, clean up for him, pick his dirty underwear of the floor, give up the right to the remote control, wipe pee of the toilet seat and live in a permanent cloud of flatulent gas for as long as you both shall live?”………………………..

Now those are vows I would never forget.

Goodnight
Your friends
John and Heidi.