Saturday, March 8th, 2008...6:22 pm
That Was The Week That Was
It’s debarkation morning and after last week’s delays the ship is emptying quicker than a room full of Frenchman who have just heard that McDonald’s have just launched the garlic and onion flavored “La Grand Mac” and that if you haven’t showered in a week you get free French Fries with it.
It’s great to keep the line moving and not have to use the words “I apologize” every time I make an announcement. Our friends from CBP (Customs and Boarder Patrol) seem to be as anxious to move things along this week as we are and all of this makes for a great last impression. I wanted to go down to the lobby and say some goodbyes but Heidi and the Doctor and Mum and dad and friends and PA 007 and thousands of you keep telling me to rest…………..so here I am resting…………well………..sitting here blogging …………wearing just my underpants………….and a patch over my left eye ………..very restful.
Just like that a comfortable day of debarkation has turned into another morning of me running around shouting “Bugger” at the top of my voice. We have not moved any guests from the last 30 minuets …… the Immigration Computers have all crashed…….nobody can be processed…………nobody can disembark. This apparently is also affecting every ship here in Miami…….that’s thousands of guests who are not allowed ashore. I will be back soon……….time to make announcements and use that “apology” word again and then down to the lobby……see you soon…………actually, I had better put some trousers on first.
OK, here I am. The delay lasted 45 minutes and that’s a long time. Of course most people were very understanding………I say most but, of course, there were the usual one or two, including one man and his wife who refused to wait………barged past our security……….shouting he was not waiting…………he was American…………….he actually pushed past the security guards and the Entertainment Staff calling them “Immigrants”……..what a disgusting moth!………………we called down to the CBP people to let them know and I hope he was a little more pleasant to them than us…………..if I had my way he would have had a close encounter with a Latex glove!
Anyway, we started again and finished at 10:35 am instead of 10 am as we should usually ………………. what a shame.
I woke up this morning and as has become tradition since Mr. Bell crapped on me I stood in front of the mirror hoping that my face would have changed from that of Quasimodo back to George Hamilton ………….needless to say the loud shout of “Bugger” tells you that George is a long way away and Quasi is still ringing them bells.
Never fear, my well is deep and I shall not be of despair………….now how funny is this …………just as I wrote these words it has started thundering, lightning and now raining ………..very hard. It’s a typical Florida downpour and a sure sign that Mr. Bell has not finished with me yet.
Now, some people think that on debarkation day and once the guests are ashore that the crew can put their feet up, listen to some Barry Manilow and enjoy a few hours of down time…………..well…………nothing could be further from the truth.
Homeport days are the busiest days of the cruise for any ship and her crew. Let me list………in no particular order…..some of the things that will happen today while 3,300 guests are disembarking and our new guests are waiting to board.
1. First of all luggage. Today we have 94 luggage cages. This means that approximately 1,000 people have opted for our self assist program and will be taking off their own luggage. This leaves 94 cages with approximately 60 pieces in each cage. This means that we will disembark 2,820 pieces of luggage. This job id done from onboard by the housekeeping department who then work with a very interesting group of people called Stevedores. The luggage is placed onto the fork lift trucks and they are then driven at 300 miles an hour down the pier, into the terminal building where more Port Of Miami staff put them onto the correct carousel for collection. This process takes about 90 minutes.
2. Now, onboard the place where all the luggage is held overnight from the time they are collected from outside the guests cabins until we arrive in Miami is called “the Marshaling Area.” This is one of those terms we have used since I can remember and I am sure it goes way back in marine history. Now, the luggage needs to be out of this area as quickly as possible because we then need to have empty. Why? ……………..oh, just the matter of 27 huge 18 wheeler trucks that will be delivering all our supplies for this coming cruise. Fresh produce, frozen goods, beverages, meat, cheese, ice cream and, of course, most importantly …….toilet paper will all arrive today. Now, first of all each box, pallet and toilet roll is screened through a very tight security process for obvious reasons. Once this has been done then our provisions department will work outside on the pier inspecting each and every pallet to make sure that it is what has been ordered and that nothing has been spoiled during transportation. This is a huge job and takes many hours……………never a week goes by when we will say……nope………sorry………those apples are bad………sorry……that’s not good enough………send it back. Then, once the goods have been accepted, the goods are fork lifted into the “marshaling area” and then a big team of Carnival crew will then move everything into the huge storage areas, freezers, butchers shops and other areas.
3. This has to be done remember in the most organized way possible as not only are we now loading on all the provisions but watch out……….here comes another 6,000 pieces of luggage from today’s guests. The luggage is brought into the same area as all the provisions and then the housekeeping manager and his entire department will be moving the luggage by hand trolley…….yep…….as much as modern day ship’s have progressed we still load the luggage onto a hand cart and then the brilliant ladies and gents of the housekeeping department will eventually get the luggage to you. Imagine doing this job, pushing a cart loaded with luggage from the aft of the vessel to the front…………………it takes time…………..maybe by reading this the one or two people who throw their toys out their stroller because they have been onboard for an hour and don’t have their luggage will understand why.
4. Now, while this is going on of course the huge job of maintenance is in full swing. This job is a 24-hour-a-day, 7-days-a-week operation, however, there are certain things that you can do on a homeport day that you cannot when the ship is in operation. For example, early this morning we drained all the water from the swimming pools (the pools are saltwater, if you didn’t know). And although we do this a few times a week to change the pool water, this morning we are doing it so our maintenance team can get to work. They will be going down into the pools to inspect all the tiles to make sure none are loose, none are rusty and then a full chemical cleaning is carried out………..its a big job and this is something done on a regular basis.
5. Then, the engineers are all working flat out. Specialist technicians come and check various aspects of the propulsion and electronic systems, the chief engineer will supervise the loading of thousands of tons of heavy fuel and the debarkation of the sludge that is left over. Then, of course, parts need to be replaced and this is the day that this is done and not because things are broken but because each moving part of the engines, generators and systems has to be wiped down, oiled and checked………today is a very important day for the chief and his great team.
6. Back in the cabins………..well………..magic happens here. The stateroom Stewards are now checking every single cabin ready for the new guests. Now……….notice I said checking……….not cleaning ………..that’s a whole other story. Before they clean anything a full list has to be checked………..are all the lights working, is the safe empty and open for the next guest, is the water , plumbing and sockets all working?……….Did the previous guests try and steal the mattress? Once this has been done then the deep cleaning, linen change and the little extras are all done ready so that at 1 pm every cabin is ready for its new owner. The housekeeping department is going flat out all day and is to be praised for the great job they do.
7. Back upstairs the chefs are preparing lunch for everyone who is joining plus the 1,200 crew. The waiters and the dining room team are deep cleaning the dining rooms and changing linen ………..the rest of the wait staff are up on Lido Deck serving lunch……..Lido is the first area people come as soon as they get here……….they are hungry……….they need to be fed……….and virtually the entire Food and Beverage department are making sure this happens in an efficient and fun way.
8. The gift shops also have 44 pallets of goods coming on today containing all the great gifts that people will be purchasing……this job is again done by hand. Gift shop staff will rarely see land in Miami.
9. Then there are the pursers…………where you start here? Well, there are mountains of paper work to complete……..Immigration and Customs……………everything that comes on and off the ship in an American Port has to be documented and checked and the proper work completed. The desk is open 24 hours a day and with all the extra work of an embarkation/debarkation day, the Information officers have a very busy day.
10. In fact there are very few staff who are not working……….dancers, casino and one or two other small departments but for most………..well it’s a very busy day.
Somehow, amongst all this hard work the crew finds time to have a quick break, and call their loved ones from the pier side phones and crew center.
Today……………is a very busy day.
I myself have a lot to do but nothing as hectic as the rest of the crew. Heidi and I have already made the schedules for the cruise and now we will start looking at any fine tuning we need to do. I have a full meeting with my staff members many of which are involved in the debarkation process and the welcoming of our new guests which starts at 11:30 am.
So, there you go…………just another day for the crew………………absolutely not, Barry Manilow will have to wait!
Talking of new guests and although as yet I do not have the exact count the next two weeks are going to be very busy. The expected count today will be around 3,450 including a lot of those lucky kids who have been congratulated for working hard at school and college will be rewarded with a 7-day Caribbean cruise armed with the family’s American Express Card and a libido the size of Texas…………………oh joy.
I will let you know the exact counts and demographics later but first……………here are today’s random photos.
Debarkation on the Carnival Freedom
The Carnival Triumph docked next to us.
Views of Miami from the Ship
Here are today’s Letters in their own Words
Let’s start with some questions and comments. Not to repeat myself but as always I wanted to tell you how grateful I am to everyone for every single posting made.
Here we go:
LAUREN - The Carnival ships did indeed use to have topless decks. These have been phased out and are being replaced with the adults only Serenity decks. One of two people seems to miss them but the majority opinion is one of understanding. Thank you for your comment and I hope you and your family are well.
JILL WILLIAMS - Thank you for your fantastic posting and welcome back from your Carnival Freedom cruise last week. I remember the “Speedo group” and I also remember how super your friend was as Garth Brooks in the Carnival Legends show. Thank you for praising the staff and if you wish to do so further just drop me a posting with those you wish to praise and I will make sure the right people see it. Thank you Jill and I hope it will not be too long before we see you again. Until then, please keep reading the blog thingy.
BIG MIKE - The plane is on its way. It’s a solid gold plastic one, so it may have melted by the time it gets to you. I am ready to share a burger with you any time. Cheers mate.
MIKE RICHARDSON - Looking forward to receiving your note when you are on board and I cannot believe that as I am writing this you are watching me and the Olson twins. I look forward to hearing your review of my performance. See you soon mate.
ROMA - I never knew that Bustenhalter was the real word for bra and you are right, that is just as funny. Thank you for the get well wishes and I send my best regards to you.
PEANUTS - Reading your posting on how everyone helped you with your cause to provide a fun center at the children’s hospital was uplifting. The fact that everyone helped you and also asked people who do not even read the blog to help shows you and shows me what an amazing community of caring people this thingy has become. Thank you to you, thank you to Big Ed, thank you to everyone who make each day special for everyone associated with this thingy. Long may it continue.
BIG ED - Don’t worry about the Queen Mary 2, I think it would have been a wonderful idea, however, it may be better to look for a second Carnival cruise. Thank you for suggesting I should be a comedy writer. Indeed there is enough material here on board for something like that. A man can dream. Thanks again mate and as you can see from Peanuts’ posting, you have made a big difference to so many people.
CAROL SCHOENBERGER - Sorry about the splattering once again. I think I should by you a new computer as yours seems to be constantly covered in various liquids and that’s my fault. I am happy to provide information on Shore Excursions. Some people prefer to research these themselves, however, some people rely on me and I am happy to help. Thank you for the kind words Carol and the get well messages. Go use some Mr. Muscle and clean the computer screen. Hope to see you soon.
JIMNI - Thanks for the knock-knock joke……..very funny. Well, at this point, there is no news of who the Carnival Splendor Godmother will be. We are working on some very exciting possibilities and PA 007 will be spying for us and will let us know who has been granted this huge privilege. Thanks Ann and I will let you know as soon as I hear anything.
LINDA HERNACKI - You will love Steve Knisley. He is funny and very hands on. Please send him my kind regards and thank you as always to you and Mike for always being there for me.
KUKI - One thing we are going to be doing is having a big trans-Atlantic Bloggers Party and maybe some other events as well. Thank you for writing back to Cheryl D. and I am sure she will find the information you gave her very, very useful. I know that together the Bloggers Cruise 2009 will be one very special cruise. Thank you mate, I see you in a few weeks.
KATHIE - You are too kind by saying you would follow me anywhere. One thing is for certain, the way this Prednisone is affecting me you would be advised not to follow me to the bathroom. Kindest regards to you and your family.
GREG B - Thank you also for offering to help Cheryl D. and once again, the community spirit is shining through. I am glad you continue to enjoy all the blogs and this certainly has been an unusual week on so many fronts. Thanks mate, please pass on my best wishes to everyone at Cruise Critic.
TAMMIE - No red paint yet, however, there is still 24 hours to go. Just wanted to say thank you for being so kind with your get well messages. They are so much appreciated.
DMINX - Thanks for the great post. I am trying not to miss any of your questions. I think you are asking about improvements to the program and throughout the next few weeks I will be giving you little tidbits of what you might expect to see. There are some new and exciting things happening which I can’t really divulge until they are actually ready, just in case people from the other lines are reading this. We have the gyms open from 6 am – 10 pm. We cannot have them open 24 hours as they have to be cleaned and sanitized. I know the jogging track is not for everyone, however, hopefully the hours we have the gym open should be enough. Now, you asked about lamb. I actually love lamb; it is a very popular dish in the U.K. The reason I refer to not eating it is because one of our bloggers is called Lamb Knuckles and she loves all things lamb as do I, especially with gravy and roast potatoes. You then asked about work on board. If you are serious, may I suggest you log on to www.carnival.com/funjobs or www.carnivalentertainment.com for more information for being a Karaoke Host. Right now, I just want to thank you for your kind words and well wishes. It really is fantastic for you to take the time to write. If there is anything I can do for you or your family, please let me know. All the best from everyone here.
KARIN GADD - Welcome back from your cruise and I hope you had a terrific 50th birthday and anniversary celebration. I am glad you enjoyed the shows and I remember your husband and his fantastic impression of Trigger the Horse in the Marriage Show. Your words of praise mean the world and I hope that this will be the first of many visits to the Blog thingy. My best to you and your faithful steed Trigger.
NANNI - I never realized AIDA did, in fact, allow nude sunbathing. No bueno mucho willyo everywhero. I promise you, you will never see that on the Carnival Freedom. Mucho huggos and Heidi sends her love to el kiddos!
COOLIOMOM - Thank you, chicken soup certainly can’t hurt. You asked about Scrapbooks. We indeed still have them on board, here and on every ship. The next time you sail you will also find that we have Scrapbooking classes available during each cruise. They are unfortunately, not yet available to purchase from the blog, however, I have not giving up hope to make this happen. Let me know if I can help you any further and thank you Terri for all your kind words and say hello to the kids.
DRIVERNC - Thank goodness that Heidi speaks German. She saved the day. The image however, of 2 naked Germans in their 60s is something that she will be waking up in a cold sweat about for years to come. We do not have a contest for guest photos, however, what a great idea. I am sure this is something we could do and it may encourage people to have their photos displayed on board. Great idea, let me see what I can do with it. If you would like to send some for me to post on my thingy, just let me know and Stephanie, who manages the blog, will assist you. Thanks Tony and a special thank you for the get well message.
SHIRLEY CALES - I have never seen anyone so excited about a video before. I should warn you that although my performance is of George Hamilton quality, it lasts for 5 seconds……….still, I think I stole the show. Let me know your review and after this I suggest you order my performance in the Elephant Man, in which I am currently starring. Thank you, hope all is well.
DWA76 - It is interesting that today, when I am feeling a little frustrated and down that you use the word “Alan.” Hearing his name makes me realize that what I have is like comparing a small hemorrhoid to the cauliflower Alan had growing in his head. Thanks for bringing me down to earth. He is doing great and nothing cam make me happier. I am glad you are enjoying the blog and long may that continue. Cheers mate.
MICHELLE - I had to look up the movie Goonies and the character Chunk and you are right, there is a resemblance……bugger. Thank you for the laughter and I am glad that we shared some with you as well. You said your face still hurts. Me and you both. It’s good to share.
JENNIFER HAMMOND - OK……sorry……thank you…….no need to shout…..OK……….laying down…..OK, I am lying…..
LINDA THE MOUSE - Linda, unfortunately, your favorite island tour in Cozumel is no more. Passion Island, after the hurricane can now be found in Peru. Seriously and very sadly, it was completely destroyed by the hurricane 3 years ago. However, we still offer the magnificent Fury catamaran and so many other new and exciting tours. My favorite is the Jeep tour on the main land which includes off road Jeeping and swimming in a huge cavern lagoon…….it’s extraordinary. The rebuilding of the dock is going well and the area where you will dock with the Carnival Inspiration will be right outside Carlos & Charlies. It’s within staggering distance. Hope this helps Linda and remember, the legal drinking age in Cozumel for mice is 7. Cheers.
JANE - What a very funny joke and one I am sure everybody enjoyed. I am glad you enjoyed the turtle farm in Grand Cayman, it is a great place with so much to offer. Thank you for the get well message, I now expect a joke from you every posting….no pressure.
CRAIG - I would tell the man from PETA what you said, however, I think it is better I stay out of his way. I have heard nothing from today, so for me, no news is good news. However, I agree with everything you said. It’s a shame not everyone thinks like you. Thanks mate, my best to you and your family.
JAKE SILVERBERG - Just like your father, I have always wanted to go on a Cunard Ocean Liner, however, as I just mentioned to Big Ed, I think we entered the realms of fantasy. I think everyone will be much happier if we stick to Carnival. Maybe one day soon I will get to experience the Queen Mary or the Queen Victoria for myself. Hope all is well with you and your family and I will see you all soon.
TATERS - Who needs Freud when we have you. A great quote, never to be forgotten. Cheers to you mate.
SUSAN IN PGH - If I take anymore of this Prednisone I will grow a tail. Thanks for your posting and where is PGH?
NICO R - One day maybe, my dream of becoming a comedy writer will come true but for now, my dream is not to have a face looking like a bag of spanners. Cheers Nico.
KATHY B - Another naked German story. What a sight this must have been for you as you stood on the Carnival Liberty and saw a “Wurstchen” (small sausage). Did you take any photos? How did you get those developed at Eckerd? Thanks for sharing your story. It’s been a strange week.
TOM AND JANE - Yes, forget Cunard for the Bloggers Cruise. I see too many people are concerned. I don’t want to let anybody down. I really want to do Cunard myself and just thought about taking a few of you along with me. Just thought I’d mention, I wear the Aston Martin watch all the time and cannot thank you enough for your kindness. Thanks for your honest input and as always, Heidi and I send you our kindest regards.
JOHN H - Did you see the photo of Lance’s “Climb This” t-shirt? I am now going to work with him and see if we can work on getting them printed. I’ll stay in touch with you John H. ….all the best, John H.
GARY MACALLISTER - I make this four of the famous hoodys now heading Heidi’s way. No, we have never been to Montana, but I know Heidi would love to go there as one of her favorite movies about some horse that whispers was shot there. So, a hoody or sweatshirt to you and I, will be most welcome. Thank you for thinking of her and maybe we will see you one day on board. The address is at the bottom of the blog thingy, attn. Chris Prideaux. Thanks again.
RUSS AND NINA FRANKLIN - Thanks for the link thingy. Just what I needed. Indeed, in Europe, nude or partially clothed sunbathing is normal. Some of the comments I was getting in the beginning of the Carnival Liberty’s European season from guests were ones of disbelieve. Therefore, I always mention in ports like Cannes, St. Tropez, Rhodes, Capri and Cleveland, Ohio, that you may see one or two, or three, strange sides. Congratulations in advance on your three different cruises and I hope you will remember to remind me before your daughter and son in law are married on the Carnival Pride, so I can send them a little gift. Thanks to you both, hope to hear from you soon.
AMY AND SGT. JEFF BURNEY - I am so excited that your dad has just booked the Carnival Splendor. Although I cannot promise that I will be there, I will certainly do my best. I am sorry that Amy was in tears on leaving, I am sending her my white and green handkerchief to blow her nose into…….she might want to avoid the green bits. Where are you stationed at the moment? Are you going to be deployed again soon? Thanks again for the posting and I am so glad that you are taking the time to read the blog. Best to you both from Heidi and I.
BIG ED - You tell him, Russ, are you evil enough?
LAMB KNUCKLES - Hello Lambie. I am sorry to say, we were in the minority regarding the Queen Mary 2 Bloggers Cruise. Oh well, maybe we can just take a vacation and experience a historic Cunard experience for ourselves. I am glad there were no lambs on board this week especially with my friend here. Thanks for writing in and Heidi and I say a big hello to you and your family.
PAT - Thank you for slapping on your first ever posting. I am happy to read that you have so many great memories of your cruise on the Carnival Glory with Heidi, Wee Jimmy and I. Those were fun times. I am glad you are enjoying the blog and even though we will not be together, I know you will have a fantastic time. Your Cruise Director will by Ryan Fitzgerald, a great kid who I ask you to give my best regards to. Have a wonderful vacation and welcome home!
FLIP FLOP CRUISE QUEEN - Still no news from Maria, hopefully there will be some positive news soon. I am glad you enjoyed today’s blog and long may that continue. Cheers.
SILVIA REDDOM - I am glad you have discovered the blog. Don’t worry about spell check; it’s certainly not my best friend either. Heidi and I will join the Carnival Freedom on her trans-Atlantic Cruise in Funchal, Portugal which means we will have 4 or 5 days together, including a Bloggers Cocktail Party. Thanks for your kind words, they all mean so much.
RICK AKA SEAN CONNERY LOOK A LIKE - Yes, you are right. The topless decks were very popular with the dancers and they more than most miss it. Thank you for the visual of you walking around playing shuffleboard. Thanks for the great laughs today in your posting; I especially enjoyed your Parisian reference. Best to you and all my friends in Canada.
GONEARETHEDAYSOFFTHESMOKEFREEPARADISEHOWEVER-JOHNANDMRSMISSINGTHESMOKEFREEPARADISEWILLSOON-BEONTHEBLOGGERS2009CRUISEONTHECARNIVALFANTASY -Just a quick note to say thank you for your, as always, so entertaining posting. I have lots of things I will need you to terrorize the CD of the Carnival Liberty with so please remind me just before you sail. Hope all is well, I have not heard from your wife in a long time. Is she locked in the cellar? Cheers John.
MARK TWAIN AND A HALF - Heidi is very fair skinned and always puts on factor 7000 before venturing into the sun. She is very cautious of this as I am sure from your experiences, so are you. The famous soap box at Speaker’s Corner in London’s Hyde Park is still there and if you ever get chance to go, you will find it very entertaining. I am still going to try for a rating for 5 bottles of Windex and Heidi also wanted to say thank you for agreeing with her that Boston Legal is a great show. Thanks for a great posting and taking the time to write it. Our best to you and your other half.
DEBY - I have never heard of the word “moonbathing” before……very funny. Thanks for the kind words Deby and if the Curse of the Seas did indeed put a spell on me, I better put my “Climb This” T-shirt on as soon as possible to break it. Best to you and your family, please keep reading the blog thingy.
JEFF T - You are right Jeff, no more topless sunbathing on our ships. If there were people doing so during your Mediterranean cruise on the Carnival Freedom, it’s news to me. Very strange mate as I never heard anyone complain or any of the service staff mention that it was even happening. This season I shall take a personal interest and go up there every day to have a look at them both. Thanks mate for the update, hope you are enjoying the blog.
MADGE AND GEORGE BAILEY - I just wanted to wish you both a fantastic cruise on the Carnival Elation and for your get well messages. Have a great time and I remain at your service, should you need anything.
CRUISING SUE - Thanks for helping Jill with another way for her to fill out her comments after the cruise, that was very nice of you. I am also really happy that you appreciate the laughs I try and provide in my daily blog thingies. Feedback like this keeps me going. Have a wonderful weekend and hope to hear from you soon..
RAOUL RENAUD - I think you are the first to write to tell me you have booked an August 2009 Carnival Liberty cruise from Dover. Congratulations! You asked me if I can put you in contact with a family you met here on the Carnival Freedom from Canada……the Robertsons. This is very hard as giving people’s names and addresses away is something that we are really not allowed to do, however, if you knew which part of Canada they were from I am sure someone from the blog who lives in the area may be unofficially able to get their telephone number or address from the phone book and drop them a message simply to say: “Read John’s blog” and you could hook up this way. So, send me what you can and then all my Canadian friends will see if they can investigate for you….unofficially. Thanks ever so much for reading the blog and congratulations again for booking your cruise.
EXPAT KANUCK - I think you will find our new adult Serenity decks are going to be very popular, even though topless sunbathing will not be allowed. How is the weather in Russia? I bet nobody is topless there. Cheers mate.
KEITH LOVELL - Welcome to the blog and I am so glad to read that you had such a fantastic cruise last week. I am glad the kids enjoyed their medals and trophies. Thank you for the big bag of Chex Mix, which by the time Heidi gave it to me, was half empty. The words you have written about our program compared to Disney’s kids program is astonishing. Although there is no doubting Disney’s children’s program is incomparable, the way you described your kids enjoyment in Camp Carnival makes us all feel very proud. I have had many compliments about the morning shows but none greater than hearing that this morning you walked in to your kitchen and found your son pretending to me doing the morning show. I have no words. Thank you for deciding to come and cruise again and I hope we will see you and kids again very soon. Until then, keep reading the blog thingy and I wish you all happy memories of our 7 days together.
MICHELLE MANN - How are you over there in Thorpe Bay? There is nothing I would like more than a good Full English at the Arches and a cup of mum’s tea. It’s wonderful to hear that your son at just 14 will become a Carnival Platinum Card holder. I will make sure I will present him with a special gift when I see him. You asked if the Supper Club will be open, indeed it will and I will start taking reservations very soon. The ship will run as normal and will include one formal night. It will be a great 3 days and as long as you get through the Dartford Tunnel everything will be fine. Say hello to all your family and see you in July.
TERRI 910 - Just like the German couple, I am not able to keep my pecker up. I love the difference between English and American, don’t you? Thanks Terri. It’s always great to hear from you.
MARK - Naked airport screenings……now, there is a thought. There would certainly be nowhere to hide those dangerous tweezers. Thanks for the kind words and I shall keep the British stiff upper lip as long as I can. Thanks for being such a great friend.
JOHN D - I hope I can have a week where everyone just gets along as you suggested. Saying that, without these people, this blog thingy of mine would only be about my digestive system. Your points about my friend from PETA and Mrs. Turtleneck are inarguable and ones I wish I could have shared with both of them. Sometimes though, you just have to be the human punching back they are looking for. A great posting today John and I hope there will be many more from you as well. Cheers.
BETHC - I am so glad you have found the blog and congratulations to you and the family for booking your 3rd Carnival cruise on the Carnival Victory. The Cruise Director will be Malcolm Burn whose silly antics will have you all laughing out loud. The Camp Carnival facilities are all brand new following an extensive dry dock period. You also now have the addition of the giant big screen on Lido deck to enjoy movies and concerts under the stars. You asked for recommendations for an August cruise. Are you looking for Caribbean or further afield destinations? Let me know and I will point you in the right direction. Glad you are enjoying the blog, my best to the family.
PADUTCHMAN - I would love to put you and the man from PETA in a small room armed with two fluffy pillows and see what happens. Are you Dutch? Heidi is asking. Cheers!
TRADE WINDS (BOB) - I am so glad that while planning your Carnival cruise you came across my humble blog thingy. I am glad also that it keeps you laughing. Thanks very much for joining the 1.7 million readers. It’s great to have you on board.
RIKKI BOYCE - Thanks mate, maybe the information you provided about the turtle farm will be words that will help others realize there are two sides to every story. Thanks again mate.
That is all for today………….more of course tomorrow.
What a week it has been and yesterday (Friday) I hoped it would quite down a bit…….did it? ……….. nope.
I was not going to mention my friend from PETA again, I truly was not, however I have no choice as here is the icing on his particular cake. Now, after we sailed from Jamaica where I might add he found nothing wrong with the way the various spiders, snakes and wild pigs were being treated…………..obviously he never got to see a Jerk Pork Pit………..but anyway, once he was back onboard I though my troubles were over. We had no live animals onboard……….and let me tell you I was very thankful that there was no magic show that featured performing pigeons or Mongolian Slugs…………..anyway, I was at peace with myself that he would be able to enjoy the last day at sea……………but that would have been too much to ask………….here is the comment.
Guest _____ Ref: ________ Owner: (BALP) Barbara Plenca
Cabin: _________ Added-Changed: 03/07/08 - 03/07/08_________ - Note For John about Monkey Glass
Purser received the phone call from Mr. _________ stating he wanted to speak to John. Guest was told that he was on stage hosting the debarkation talk and could the Purser help. Mr. _________ was shouting and screaming about the use of a “Monkey Head” to drink alcohol from and he demanded John contact him immediately. Purser said she would advise John as soon as he was off stage. Please note this is the 9th time guest has had a comment for John and other departments. Purser left voice mail and e mail for CD. For follow up.
What can I say…………..now………….if you are uncertain as to what the heck he is talking about here is a photo of the “Monkey Head” glass.
I called my friend from PETA and listened in amazement as he described that this thing was modeled on a small monkey in Africa that has its head chopped off, it’s brain scooped out and eaten. Then the monkey’s skulls are used to drink some magic potion from……..and that is what caused him to rage at me one more time………………I was now a monkey killer…………..good grief!
This was my fifth conversation with him and up to now I had been understanding but this time it really got to me…………It’s a bloody coconut with a photo of a smiling little cute monkey on it……………I said……………..and that wound him up even more as he said he new exactly what iota was meant to be and he had been to Africa and seen this for himself. Apparently tourists from all over the world go there to try the delicacy of Monkey Brain and drink the stuff which he said is supposed to bring long life and cure disease. I then listened to the tail of one particular race of monkey who are hunted just for this and apparently they look just like the monkey on the coconut……………….once again I apologized and told him that this was not even close to what we even representing and this time there was no goodbye ……….he just slammed the phone down on me.
I have nothing else to say!
Overall, a great week for the guests. Beautiful weather, calm seas, great comments and I am sure that everyone had a brilliant time. If only debarkation had been smoother……………..again.
As for me, well it’s been a very interesting week. I was just thinking that maybe I need to get rid of my demons before the new guests embark the ship………so…………….if you will excuse me I am going to deck 10, take off my “Climb This” T-shirt, change my name to Johann, take off all my clothes, tie a German Sausage round my waist and soak up the sun.
I feel better already
Have a fun weekend
Your friends
John and Heidi
72 Comments
March 8th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
The prednisone will do crazy things to your blood sugar, your readings should be sky high. My mother had Poison Ivy on her face and the good dr gave her steroids and her sugar went off the scale. so just be careful. Pgh is Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - the land where the sun shine for only 60 days of the year and old Man Winter has in his nasty grasp - we have an inch of ice under two inches of snow. I’m not moving to the South - too many bugs. We are envious of your upcoming visit to the Emerald, we cruised in Nov and it was wonderful. take care
March 8th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
When people complain about tips being added to your account automatically, they should read your blog about the crew and what they have to deal with every day! I make it a point to speak to all crew members and try and tell them what a wonderful job they do weather it’s cleaning a window, unloading all the luggage, whipping up one of those wonderful drinks or mopping the floor, they all deserve our thanks! Your account of the process should make those that have to wait for anything be thankful that you have a great crew that does their job wonderfully!
I had to keep from spraying my Diet Pepsi on the screen when you told us about the Coconut Monkeys setting of Mr. PETA. This guy really needs to get a life and while we all love animals, there are those that think differently. By the way, how many steaks, chickens, fish, or lobsters did Mr. PETA eat while on this trip. If he is such a supporter, I hope he is a vegeterian too!
Now, about that 2nd bloggers cruise, like I suggested before, cruise out of Jacksonville on the Fascination when it is moved there. It’s central for a lot of people and if necessary by then, make a bloggers charter. I would love it! I don’t know if you would rather do a 7 nighter, if that is the case, go out of Tampa on the Legend. I know what ever ship you choose, it will be filled to the brim!
Hope you have a wonderful week. I will let you know almost all colleges here in Florida are on Spring Break (including my daughter’s college, USF in Tampa) and I am sure you ships are full of college students. Don’t worry, mine is on her way to SC to see friends instead of the beach or cruise (we just did one in December, love the Celebration and will definately miss her!)
Have fun and fill us in on all the antics with the wild ones this week.
Hope you feel better real soon!
Susan
March 8th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Well… if laughter is the best medicine then I must be cured of anything that might be ailing me!!
Wonderful blog, my friend! You had me in stitches. Absolutely hilarious!!
Thanks for the behind the scenes look at what occurs during a homeport day. It’s more labor intensive than I ever thought. It just makes me appreciate the crew that much more.
Please do press on with the ‘Climb This’ t-shirt. I’ll be thrilled to by several and the sooner the better!!! I’m sailing in three weeks and I’d LOVE to sport one of those as I march about Tampa before I embark!!!
A coconut… PETA is now protecting coconuts?? I wonder if this individual has ever stopped to listen to himself. This one person will do more to harm the cause of ‘animal rights’ than any fifty PETAns will ever be able to reverse. Rabid idiocy… there must be a shot for that by now…
I’m looking forward to your accounts of Spring Break on board the Freedom. Let’s hope it’s a bit more sedate than we both suspect it will be!!
All my best to the usual suspects!!!
Ciao, mate!!!
GregB
March 8th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Hi John,
Another wonderful blog. What a crazy couple of weeks you have had. I often wonder how all of you put up with all of this week after week and still have the fortitude to greet the newest batch of passengers with a smile.
Get some rest and I am
looking forward to seeing you on July 13th!
March 8th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
great post mate! very interesting stuff and sorry about the peta nutjob. i told you peta stood for people eating tasty animals! trust me on this! hope you are feeling better now and this danged bp goes away quickly! hey to heidi!
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
March 8th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
John,
Things have to be better for you this coming week! Sounds like they can’t get any worse, but as soon as we say that old Murphy may raise his ugly head! You just have to hope that Mr. Peta has not booked back to back cruises!! Well, the visual of you in the “Climb This” shirt I can imagine, but you as Johann with a German sausage tied around your waist, I think I will close my eyes. That reminds me of a Halloween party I was at years ago where the husband came with a potato tied around his waist–he was the “dicktater” and his wife had a lemon tied around her waist–she was the “sour puss”. On that note, I will get back to work bringing more beautiful babies into this world. Hopefully this is a GREAT week for you with NO complaints! And, hopefully the magic stick is no longer needed and that will mean a new member of our “family” is on the way! “Hi” to Heidi!
Sheryl
March 8th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
8pm EST, 8 March 2008 Milwaukee, WI
John and Heidi - Enjoyed reading your blog just now. I’m a Captain for Midwest Airlines and just flew 5 of your PAX into FLL this afternoon. Three were on the Freedom(#7T7W0U). Two on the Triumph. Our flight was delayed 3 hrs due to a NWA flt that ran off our runway in a snowstorm in MKE. Deplaned in FLL at 245pm. Wondering if you left on time in which case I’m sure they ‘miss-ed the boat’. Hope they got on. Just curious.
Have a great cruise. Sincerely, Bruce S.
March 8th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Johann and his German sausage — excellent disguise (one must remember this come Halloween)!!
You know that everyone is waiting to see if Johann will be in the next batch of random photos from the Freedom!
Terri
March 8th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
I can’t wait until March 29th I will have a Monkey Head just for Mr. Peta and think of you, Heidi, and the rest of the staff and the bunk you all endure each week. Too bad you didn’t direct him to the Monkey Head Club postings under the cruise talk section. They seem like a fun group who would enjoy Mr. Peta.
I know we have cruised with Ryan before. What ship is he leaving?
Wishing you smooth sailing and all wonderful guests and weather this week. Hope the Bells is getting better.
March 8th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
John,
Thank you for telling us what the staff of each cruise ship do after we leave and when we come on the ship for our next cruise. I never realized how much work was involved…..kudos to the staff of every ship……
Thank goodness your week with Mr. PETA is over. I can’t believe that anyone would get so upset about a monkey face on a coconut thingy that you drink out of……..honestly……..
I hope this next cruise is much better than the last 2 were.
Have a wonderful week, John and Heidi.
Cindy
March 8th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
No John, no bueno mucho willyo and te……. everywhero no en el Freedom. :)Eres tremendo! So I guess this means that you didnt get to see the sun today either. Right? Maybe thats what you need a little sun and some of that Monkey brains. LOL
Tell Heidi that the kiddos send love and huggos back. Rest and get well friend and you dont look at all like el Jorobado de Notre Dame so like you say
STOP IT!
Los Margarida ( still praying for you)
March 8th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Dear John,
You never cease to amaze me with your wit but more that that with your perseverance and unstoppable desire to find the good amongst the crazed, rattled and down right obnoxious. Cheers John, you are truly a glass half full man.
Have you heard from Maria? I do hope things went well and that she is doing better & better each day.
Now as far as the Monkey Head. I myself am a proud owner and it holds a place of honour in my living room. I would love to see someone from PETA try to make their way past my beloved dogs and cats and try to grab Mr. Monkey. HA! Not gonna happen.
On a somewhat sad note, it seems that my Mr. Wonderful could not work out the logistics so we will not be joining you in July on the Splendor. We will still be sailing the Victory July 26th to Canada which I am really looking forward too but I was hoping to sail with you on the beautiful new Splendor. I will just have to wait until Bloggers V.2 to meet you and your beautiful Heidi.
Take care. My best to you and Heidi.
Sallie(still trying to find a cute title)
of the Evil Krewe
March 8th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
John
Man, thank goodness Mr Peta was only on a 7 day cruise. Once again, I am amazed by your patience. I’d be slapping him stupid with a sock monkey. I do want you to know that your blog is the first thing I pull up each night when I sit down to relax and surf the net. I don’t post often but you have become a big part of my daily relaxation.
Thanks so much for all the laughs. Please rest!!!
March 8th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
I agree , I relised that carnival is much practical and cunard is more of a british line and more for transatlantic porposes , and not for everyone so i think we should see it on our own so we can take the annual bloggers cruise time for everyone to enjoy.
Besides most of her voyages are not just pricy , but repositioning.
So any suggetions for a 2010 bloggers cruise ship?
Maybe even the splendor.
Plenty of time to discuss.
I am so excited for the dream to luanch , and then the magic.
or see joe farcuse’s deck plane?
And will the splendor have carnival waterworks?
Jake S.
March 8th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Hi John,
How many PETA men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 4…one to hold the bulb and 3 to turn him around.
My husband and I leave on the Glory in three weeks. I know I’m going to crack up when I see the coconut drink. Thanks for the smiles. And take care.
March 8th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
John, we got to have a picture of you sitting at the computer with only your underwear and a eye patch on. This will for sure win the photo contest that Carnival DOES have. There is a photo contest in almost every issue of the Currents magazine that is sent to past cruisers.
So I just can’t wait to see what new character will make us laugh for the week.
BIG ED
March 8th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
John - Sorry, no photos of the folks on Aida - but my youngest son still talks about the “naked people on the other ship!”
Your story of your PETA friend and the coconut reminded me of an article I read last year about strange lawsuits against cruise companies. Seems “X” was sued when one of its passengers, apparently having indulged in one too many “coco locos,” dropped his drink onto the deck below, where it hit a fellow passenger in the head. The idea behind the case was that the coconut was just too dangerous to give to a passenger! I have no idea how the case turned out….
March 8th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
John:
Your PETA nut is once again proof positive of Ron White’s statement “You Can’t Fix Stupid!”.
Talking about Security:
As I watched in Mobile, Alabama on Holiday in December, a very dedicated Security Officer and his trained canine carefully sniffed each and every pallet before it was loaded onto the ship.
It was so interesting to watch the precision with which they worked.
I wish I could have gotten the opportunity to thank them for their dedication to keeping us safe!
March 8th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Well, hopefully your face will recover as quickly as gas prices are rising!
It never ceases to amaze me how demanding and out of control some people in this world can be. I seriously do not know how the staff on this ships keep themselves composed when inconsiderate, irrational guests are yelling at them about situations that are out of their control. I commend anyone who can withstand the harassment with a straight face and remain professional - I don’t know if I could do it! I am going to keep the lifeboat naming ceremony a secret from my grandmother - it is going to be a hilarious surprise once we are onboard and I tell her!
- Nico R
March 8th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
gee and I thought the monkey cupholde/bank was cute and look like a coconut carved to look……. o boy you can not please some people no matter what. at least he was not in the dinning room trying to stop everyone from having their steaks and lobster.
I enjoyed all the information on all that is done between boarding, none of it is surprizing, as I can imagine all the work that is involved in getting ready for a cruise and to do this as quickly as they all do is amazing!
the one
and only 1
Heidi-Beth
March 8th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
John - Yes, I saw the ‘Climb This’ shirt and I liked the suggestion to put the ‘Carnival, we really Get Out There’ wording on the back of the shirt. If nothing else, you definitely need to get a supply of the shirts made for the next bloggers cruise.
March 8th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Hi John,
Reading about what the crew has to do is making me feel a little (only a little) guilty. You see, I am one of those often time cruisers that shows up at the pier at 10:30 a.m. Once on board, I am one of those that likes to sneak past the closed doors to see where my room is located. It is then, that I find one of those handsome waiters on the Lido deck walking around with a tray full of drinks just for me! Sorry, but it has always been my goal to be the first on the ship. Haven’t acheived it yet, but I’ll keep trying. Right now, my only goal is to beat Big Ed onto the ship. He says, “it’s never gonna happen”
Please rest my friend..maybe letting HEIDI DO A BLOG would help you get some rest. LOL!
elaine
March 8th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Hi John and Heidi!
What a nice letter from Christy Neal. It sounds like they have had many obstacles to face in their short life together. But they will be just fine…they are Buckeyes, and we are survivors! And besides, they are from a town very near my hometown. Lots of Honda autos built there!
As for the PETA clown and the Coco Loco, we toted ours back in our carryon. Got some weird looks from the TSA folks, but that’s normal at Fort Lauderdale airport. They have NO sense of humor! Cheers!
March 8th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Good afternoon John and Heidi, I hope tomorrow will be the day that John’s face returns to normal. If not, I hope Mr. John H does a much better job of following the doctor’s orders. But I won’t fuss about that anymore.
John,we took the grandaughter to the circus last night. The first thing Don and I thought of was your wishes, when you were younger, to be a ringmaster. We both agreed that we are so glad you didn’t follow that dream, as you are way too entertaining to just perform for a few adults and lots of children. But there is another reason we think you are lucky you aren’t the ringmaster. What if the african american that no one can please female, (notice I did not say lady), as well as Mr. PETA were in the audience? There are no african americans in the show, and there are elephants, zebras, tigers, and dogs that perform………… your life would be miserable….. I bet they would be outside the colliseum picketing and calling the news media and blaming it all on you……Just a thought……grin
See you are a very lucky guy even if you do have that palsy thing that we aren’t going to mention anymore.
We are so glad you are a CD and our friend.
Carolyn and Don
PS. If Maria and Susan happen to be reading this blog, we are still praying for your recovery.
March 8th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
John
Can you please pass this on to the powers that be
to see if there is any consideration being given by Carnival to reverse the Splendor cruise from California back to Ft Lauderdale? I had booked the cruise around the Cape in February 2009 and was told by my boss that I could not take the time off in February; there are several other cruise lines that offer the cruise in March; however I am an avid fan of Carnival.
Thanks for all your help.
March 8th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
I told you that the PETA nut jobs were fanatical…delusional…and completely off their rocker.
There are many websites where one can create tee-shirts and a multitude of other items which are relatively easy to setup.
One such site is :
http://www.cafepress.com
Perhaps a store can be setup with the Climb This logo emblazoned on a myriad of items. Just a thought…
Sensation tomorrow….
March 8th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Long time reader, first time response.
Dear John:
I think you need to return to Europe and then things will return to “normal”. (As if that were possible)
We were on the “Freedom” last August with a group of family and friends. Although we have sailed many times on Carnival (1st time on the Mardi Gras) you were an unkown to us. Now we feel as if we know both of you as family.
Please keep that “stiff whatever” and return to your old self!
Hope to see you on your new assignment with the fabulous “Splendor” in 2009
Rich
March 9th, 2008 at 12:29 am
HI MARIA,
I just wanted to wish you well and hope that you are feeling stronger each day. Just know that alot of us are pulling for you to make a full and complete recovery. Here’s hoping to have you blogging with us again very soon.
Sheryl
March 9th, 2008 at 12:49 am
John,
If you think you look funny with Mr Bell. Imagine one of the guys I work with at the fire dept. He’s a nice enough guy, infact he’s been nicknamed “the mayor” because he waves and shakes hands with everybody. He has a small patch of white on the front of his dark head of hair. We used to call him “Pepe Le Pue.” He got hit in the face with a soccer ball and triggered his Mr. Bell episode. One side of his face was dropping so bad we all thought he had a stroke. I had been a paramedic for 20 years and didn’t know what Bells Palsy was neither did the people I work with til his episode. Here he is going to help people with medical problems like strokes and he himself looked like he had one. If he talked on the radio people would make animal noises on the radio after he spoke. They’d leave him notes to get the shit out of his mouth before he talked. We kept asking him if anything else was drooping? It was all in good fun and of course we were laughing with him and not at him.
When we cruised on the Freedom a couple weeks ago we did not get to meet you or your wife. I tried and everytime I saw you you had a crowd. I think it would be intresting to find out what the other cruise directors for Carnival think about you. I mean you have to make their job harder. You are truly in your element as a cruise director entertaining folks. So I know that sets the bar just a little bit higher for the others. We’ve only been on 1 other cruise (Glory 7/07) and we have another Glory trip scheduled for 10/08 but there’s no comparison. Our next goals are 2010 a Hawaiian Cruise. Summer 09 Alaska, 2/09 Southern Carib. out of Puerto Rico. Other than work, camping and trout fishing with the kids, cruising is my thing. We keep hearing these stories of people getting great deals $$$ for cruises, but I keep waiting for us to find them. With 2 older boys and a 2 year old girl it can get expensive. For the price of taking us all to Disney in Fla for a week, I can cruise… hmmm not much of a choice. Well got to go, Hope all is well. 1 week ago we were getting off the ship in Miami with 84 F days. Here it’s 27 and snowed today.
Lee Rayburn
March 9th, 2008 at 1:05 am
Please respond
Hi John,
Just wondering….any more news or surprises that you can share with us Bayou Bloggers yet? I just met with 2 couples tonight who will be booking this cruise and would love to share some “secrets” with them. How about the one you teased us with that pertains to some famous person who might be traveling with us on the Fantasy?
March 9th, 2008 at 1:21 am
John and Heidi, Just wanted to thank you and let you that a little over a week ago we had the time of our lives on the Freedom (Feb.23- March 1). You made the shows so much fun. I was at the end of my driveway shoveling 12″ of snow when somebody in a passing car yelled OHIO. Found out later they talked with some of the neighbors that went with us. So we are planing a little party so everybody can have some fun watching the DVDs of me dancing on the stage.We’d like to thank you Heidi for all the wonderful people we met and talked to from all over the world. Just to let you know, The romance continues. Thanks Yabba Dabba Doo
March 9th, 2008 at 1:48 am
Im not sure if this idea has even been brought up or not, but maybe Carnival could start up something on their webpage where people could leave messages about/for crew members who provided great service to us cruisers? I noticed a lot of people were leaving comments about these wonderful people who make our cruises so special, and would be a way for them to get compliments from those of us who didnt (or forgot to!) fill out comment cards on board. That being said, we REALLY miss (from Conquest April 07) Maros from Slovenia, our waiter, who made our wonderful meals better with his smile and his caring attitude. When I can find where we wrote them down, our cabin steward was amazing and fun, and the bar waitress at dinner had my diet coke waiting for me every night - like you say, try getting THAT kind of service at a resort. Sorry for the long posting, especially as I am not a regular poster, just a regular Carnival cruiser.
Best wishes to you, Heidi, and all of my fellow bloggers!
March 9th, 2008 at 2:28 am
Jacque,
Greetings my friend, sorry to hear Mr. Please Eat Tasty Animals was yet again a pain in your bum. Maybe he needs a visit to fatimia. Then he can join People for Ethical Treatment of A&@h&@#s. Anyway glad he is gone. This week I am told all the people who live in Paris are going to set sail well at least their off-spring, ok, ok, not them but there will be a ship full of spring breakers trying to break everything including them self’s. Please be sure to tie all the mattresses to the floors and count the towels. Then when they wake every morning have a delousing for them or at least make them shower before starting to drink. Maybe tomorrow you can make a announcement that Carnival Policy now reads you can only consume 3 drinks a day per person. That aught to get them into a uproar. and a panic, but no fear. Now that would be evil But not to fear I’m sure a few if not all of them have managed to smuggle aboard some sort of liquor to carry them over.
You know how the typical springbreaker’s day goes 11am “This morning I think I will have the cheese omelet, 10 pounds of bacon, 3 sausages, and maybe some fruit that might get eaten with a large glass of rum and a sprinkle of diet coke followed by 40 cans of Budweiser then I will make a fool of myself on the lido deck and pass out in the sun barf on my friend next to me and wake up with a sunburn that looks like a lobster after it’s been boiled (sorry Mr. PETA). Following that I will then proceeded to put on my formal sandals and cut off jeans my University of (Name here) shirt and go to the dining room, order another 40 beers to go with my 4 course meal that will consist of a hamburger and fries with beer and maybe dessert that will be washed down with IMPORTED beer (Heinkens). Then onto the night where said springbreaker will think he or she is all that dance like a chicken on a hot plate turned up to will melt a hole in the atmosphere, then proceed to puke yet again, fall down going back to their stateroom puke again have a few drinks in the room from the “scope” bottle, mmmmhh minty vodka, then puke one more time half way from the bed to the bathroom leave it there and toss his or her best friends shirt on it as to not step in it. Pass out on the floor next to the puddle and start over when the nice stateroom attendant comes in with the doctor because the smell is so bad they think someone died. And restart again at around 11am.
Not to bad eh….. 4 drink max will be so evil i almost would love to see it or at least their reactions. Good luck this week my friend hopw Mr. Bell stops ringing. Best to Heidi.
HI ROBERTO !!!
Kevin
March 9th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Psttt Psstt John PSST…
Remind your guest about mosquitoes and magenes (bigger mutant mosquitoes that suck blood and leave ronchas) when they go to the kajak bioluminescence thingy tour tomorrow night. Wear Off.LOL Just in case HA!
March 9th, 2008 at 8:44 am
Hi John,
Have not received a copy of the Currents magazine that Big Ed was telling about. We were first time cruisers in Jan. Any idea how long after do you receive one?
This will be great week for you with no problems!!
Tony
March 9th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Good Morning John,
Oh, I hear the frustration in your voice when you are trying to keep everyone happy, but there has to be at least one person per cruise that you have to deal with.
In all my years of cake decorating and all the great cakes that were done, there had to be someone that crawled out of H#%% to complain about the stupidest things. Jeanette and I were always very calm, *like you* but there were days when we thought of climbing over the half wall in the bakery and beating someone with a spatula full of frosting!!!!
Great news: We booked the Blog cruise for next FEb!!!!!
John, you need to take care of yourself!!! You are a very devoted cruise director, but your health comes first. AND we need you to be on that Blogers cruise. You do so much GOOD!!
Ciao for now,,,Kathleen
March 9th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Hi John.
We are thinking the bloggers cruise next year is the one for us. Its hard to think of going on another cruise without you and your amazing humour. I’m sure you are going to have a lot of stalkers…haha. Needless to say, I can’t wait to see what is planned for that cruise and I can’t wait to meet you again.
Here I am reading your blog and looking at the monkey head piggy bank I enjoyed a drink in on the Carnival Triumph. Now, If I once thought of my drink as monkey brains then that would have been the end of my drink. Its a coconut and a great little thing to bring home to the kids…or keep for yourself. We’ve been collecting change in it ever since. Funny how these radicals can make up things out of anything. There is always one in the bunch eh.
Every day I read your blog “thingy” I ache to get back on board. Especially today after waking up to fifty cm of snow..we cant even get out of our door. We are now in the process of planning a Carnival Cruise for our family. Bringing three kids will be a challenge but Camp Carnival is going to be our salvation
Can’t wait to hear about the trouble maker on this weeks cruise.
Have a great week.
March 9th, 2008 at 9:37 am
John -
Rumor has it that Mrs. Majong, Mr. Budweiser, Ms. Affirmative Action and Mr. PETA are planning a reunion cruise with you as the Cruise Director. What an honor that must be for you.
The First Annual John Heald Complainer’s Cruise, coming to a travel agent near you soon.
As for antagonizing the CD on the Liberty, before that happens, I need one piece of information. What are J&D’s hours in Harry’s supper club? We are trying to figure out our dining room schedule and would like this information, so PLEASE RESPOND.
I am pleased to hear that here are a number of individuals on the Carnival Freedom who are taking it upon themselves to act on behalf of the millions of bloggers who are constantly badgering you to rest due to your uniqueness.
BTW - the reason the Mrs. is not posting is that she has, for some reason, not been reading the blog. Nothing against you, she is just not reading.
I do related what is going on on the blog and will relate to her that you miss her witty reparte.
JustJon
March 9th, 2008 at 9:39 am
John
Hope this finds yu well. Just a reminder, you mentioned coins- it is the christmas ornaments of the Celebration, Sensation, & Glory that I am inquiring about.
My husband decided to get a tatoo of Freddy Fun Ship instead of the Funnel.
Hope all is well with everyone
Cheri
March 9th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Hi John,
So sorry to hear about your week. Sounds if you need to start anew! I guess you always have those people that nothing makes them happy. They are the people that need to step back and take a reality check. They need to realize that positive is so much better than negative.
My husband and I have been on 4 Carnival cruises now, first being in 2004 when the Miracle was new, (we were the 2nd sailing out of Baltimore)we actually got married on that cruise. Our most recent was the Bloggers cruise with you and Heidi. You were both awesome and we had so much fun. I can’t imagine anyone not liking you! While you are and awesome cruise director the only thing that would have made it even better is if you would have been able to spend some more time with all your blogger friends and not spend so much time working. I actually had talked to Stephanie after the Breast Cancer Awareness photo and recommended that on the next Bloggers Cruise that you be relieved of CD duties and just be there to have fun and party with everyone. (I recommended TODD be the cruise director, I could just see the two of you working together cause he sure likes to have fun too)! Anyway, before we disembarked we had actually booked for the 2009 Bloggers Cruise and are counting down already.
It is tough for my husband and I to go on vacation. I have a 15 year old son (Cody) with Spastic Quad Cerebral Palsy and Seizure Disorder and Left Eye Blindness who is totally dependant on me or someone to take care of him. He is my life! But I know that everyone needs a break at some point!
(Maybe this is what makes me have the positivity and not the negativity). Hmmmmm.
I do have three questions for you if you get a chance to answer them.
1. Why did Carnival pull out of Baltimore Port and is there ANY chance they will ever go back to that port?
2. Are there anymore Bloggers Cruises being planned for 2010? Reason I am asking, my husbands contract at his job is up in 2/2010 and we will probably loose the nursing that my son receives so I don’t know if we will be able to cruise after Jan 31 2010.
3. Is there a way to get in touch with you other than through the blog leaving public messages?
Well I don’t want to ramble on, but I do want to wish you the best with Mr. Bell and tell you that I am keeping you in my prayers for a quick recovery. And we will be seeing you again soon!
Gods Blessings to you and Heidi
Cindy & Kevin
March 9th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Hi John,
We are looking forward to the new Splendor and hopefully we will get to see you this time.
We will both be on the July 13th sailing from London.
See you soon…..
Marge & George
March 9th, 2008 at 11:39 am
John:
Reading your blogs is a hoot….I am sailing on the Freedom in September and can hardly wait. I am looking forward to your ports of call information and all the ships activities…..Tell the PETA people to get a clue…No protected turtle programs = no turtles…..Hope your wife wasnt to badly traumatized with the German sun bathers….I never laughed so hard!! September I am bringing a friend on her very first cruise….guess you could say shes virginal….Just a couple old broads who have beat breast cancer on a trip of a life time. Hope to meet you in Sept.
Georgina and Kara
March 9th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Eddie Capone.
There’s a name and a face I haven’t thought of in years. We had him as a CD on the Fantasy WAY BACK in 1990.
I was gonna comment on how he’s aged in the past 18 years, till I caught a reflection in the mirror just now.
March 9th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Good morning Mr. Heald. As I left the ship in February, I often wondered what takes place with everyone and everything after we leave. My God, what you wrote on todays blog just amazed me. It would be interesting if you could take some pictures to show what you discussed with us today. Many people have no idea what takes place after they leave or before they get onboard. Thank you for allowing us the chance to see the Hurculian effort that takes place in changing the many different things that need to be changed. One final comment about the PETA man, is he crazy? Why did he even take a cruise but to do nothing else but to complain. I think you should complain to the PETA organization to let them know how this embecile didn’t nothing but complain and affect the enjoyment of other people. I wonder if you could send me one of those monkey containers so that I could enjoy drinking my non - alcoholic drink and laugh at this jerk. I know he has his principles but come on know. Have you been to your doctor lately to see how the Bell’s has been progressing? Ciao my friend and keep healthy.
Paul F. Pietrangelo
March 9th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Greetings John…
A monkey head cup holder!!!!….you gotta be kidding……. With all due respect to PETA…This guy must be from another planet & has a multitude of relatives in France…
I really like Lance`s photo & if the T-Shirt thingy ever evolves, the Mrs said to put us down for 2.
Please Reply….. I know you won`t be onboard the Mar. 29th sailing (pity)….. But who will be the CD…
Best wishes to Susan & Maria on the road to recovery…hang in there ladies…God Bless
Now… on a serious note…. The sausage thingy… Upon disembarkation John… don`t forget to remove the sausage…. wouldn`t want the canine patrol to … well…. sniff you out & take a bite where the sun doesn`t shine….
O….. & Joann….. nope,… with the patch thingy, i think Gustave will suit you better….
Get sum friggin rest…
Cheers to you & Mrs H
Richard Bursey
Montreal, Canada
March 9th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
John,
Once the Climb This Tshirts are available, please post the info!! I NEED one!!! My body will not be complete without one!! I’ll get a knock-off, underground one made, but I’ll want an original too!! Is that going to be on the back or the front? On some women… it may make an interesting front…
TW3, it was a favorite show of mine. Do you know / remember it? That Was The Week That Was… a recap of fun and frivolity — yep, just like you!!! You truly make all things fun and OK!
I only wish everyone could have your attitude. It’s OK to get frustrated or angry… but get over it… it’s life, it happens, it’ll happen again… Make a smile and keep going! Pause on some of the serious things, take a moment to ponder, learn, or pray… but life keeps moving with or without you!
WOW!!! So much goes on behind the scenes. WOW!! A HUGE thank you to all those who load, unload, truck, haul, and do!!! You are the behind the scenes folks who make the seamless pleasure possible for us!! THANK YOU!!!
No QM2 Bloody Bloggin’ Cruise… I’m heart broken! OK, I’m done!!! I’ll be on Blogger’s 2 as a Bayou Bloggin’ Krewe, and I’ll be on Blogger’s 3 where ever you go! (But, please think about organizing a mini-thingie. I’d love to be treated to the Cunard experience!! I’d be happy to help…)
All my best to you and Heidi and Roberto and Stephanie and Alan and all of the Bloggers who have been in my prayers!!
Lambie
March 9th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
John,
Burgers and beers it is. Bugger, the plane must have melted… no sign yet. You should have called MDPD about those people who pushed security out of the way as that is assault and/or battery. Hey, even if you didn’t charge them with anything, it would still have scared the sh!t out of them. That’s what happens when you mess with CarniSeurity. At least Peta is gone.
_BigMike
Da’ Chief
March 9th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Thanks for the info! We’re willing to go most anywhere, just looking for a nice vacation. I’m thinking perhaps we should book while on the Victory! Perhaps Alaska again… or maybe Europe? Are the European cruises good for kids?
March 9th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Dear John,
I was watching a documentary on the great Pete Seeger yesterday and he used a quote from Albert Einstein that made me think of all the people that you’ve had to deal with over the last few weeks:
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
So chin up, keep a stiff upper lip and thank the powers that be that you only have to deal with each one for 7 days.
I’m going to add my nagging (because you know I’m so good at it) to everyone else’s, get some rest! Let others take on some responsibility. I know you are a people pleaser but you won’t please anyone if you get really sick!
To bed young man!
Cheerios,
Laura (aka Princess Laura, the sweet and innocent)
March 9th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
John, What a week you had and you get to start over. Hopefully you will feel better and have no PETA nuts to contend with on this cruise. That guy gives even PETA a bad (worse) name.
We’re glad that Carnival will remain the bloggers line of choice - not Cunard. Nothing against sailing on the Queen Mary II but Carnival is “home.”
Am I correct that you will not be the CD on the Freedom sailing on Oct. 24 and Nov.6? Maybe I got confused and you will be there instead of on the Splendor. We can still hope to have you and Heidi on board until we hear otherwise.
Take care and thanks for all the chuckles. Jeri
March 9th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Hey John , I am way worse than you. I shoot and eat ducks, geese and turkeys!!! Hope PETA doesn’t have a problem with that?
March 9th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Wow! I always knew that home port day would be the hardest on the crew, but the logistics sound nightmarish!! And imagine doing it for 20 or so ships, every 3-12 days/ship!! Just the luggage and the food is mindboggling…let alone all the rest of it! I guess I figured doing all the cabins was the worst part….probably not! I’d say the crews pull off miracles regularly! Great post…I enjoyed it immensely. Hopefully there will be no more PETA pesuaded people on-board for awhile! GLoria
March 9th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
John, would like to thank you for a great time. You are the best cruse director we have had yet. You are a show in yourself, thanks for making us laugh. Hope you bell’s pausley will get better soon. (I was able to understand you with no problem, it was the darn accent!)
We got tied up in the airport with the weather. Our flight was 4 hours late so we missed our connection but did get to Atlanta from Ft Lauderdale. But no flights out till Monday. Me and a few thousand other buddies could not get a flight out or a room to stay in.
The cruse was great but the flight home was a nightmare.
Bless you all, can’t wait till we cruse with you again. I want to hear more of your humor.
March 9th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
John,just dropping a line to say thanks to the whole crew.My wife had eight surgeries last year and, we really needed that vacation.We dined in the chic our waitress was Margarete she was very attentive and freindly.Victor was our cabin stewart when he found that my wife liked the towel animals.He went out of his way to make us laugh with another creation. Those two people alone will convince us to return.they both should be employies of the month.Thank them for us Mark & Amanda Moss
March 9th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
John, it amazes me what you put up with on daily basis. Makes me wonder how you stay sane! I couldn’t do it….
I am hoping the BP is on the wane and will soon be a part of distant history. Please get some rest and take the time to heal!!!!! (I’m putting on my motherhenski hat for this)
As for the monkey thing….the guy just sounds mentally ill. Strike it off as that and nothing more. Pure wacko nutjob…
Hugs to you and Heidi….
Thanks for posting the the typical home port day. Those folks on your ship work VERY VERY hard (and that is an understatement!) and should be applauded for the hard work and sacrifices…for our pleasure. I’m not sure everyone realizes what they do day in and day out…let alone being away from family, just to eke out a living. This is truly why crew members deserve extra special respect and good treatment!!!!
Snow is melting here in TN…hoping for spring to come real soon.
March 9th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Hi john,
Just wanted to let you know we made it home safe.That was the best cruise we have been on 3-1 to 3-8. You did a wonderful job made everyone laugh.We are so glad you did not give up do to the bellspalsey thingy.You read our letter during friday’s afternoon show about the monkeyhead group.What it is a group of us started this because there was people complaining about wasting thier money on carnival and complaining about really dumb stuff. The group is about having fun and not letting little things bother you.The people in the group are great and we answer alot of questions for first time cruisers. To get there you just go to carnival connections then click on cruise talk we are at the bottom of page under cocunut monkey head club.Also there is a place for your fans there as well that they just started up..Hope we can see many of your fans join us as well..Like I said in the letter we are all planning a huge cruise on the Dream when she comes out.Ok enough on that.
By the way Jen tried very hard through the week to get her ship on a stick and still did not get it.She wanted one but she still had a wonderful time.Guess she will have to try on the next cruise.
It was a very great week and you did the best job with or without that bellspalsey thingy.We just want you to know we greatly appreiciate your efforts and want you to know that..Thanks for the great memories John.
P.s. Hoepfully you don’t run into anymore crazy canadian men trying to get between your legs..HaHa thought you might like that memory..
March 9th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
John,
Been reading your blog for about 3 months and was not sure when it happened but I got hooked and read it every day. We are cruising on the Destiny over Easter and wondered if you might be able to answer a rather silly question. We board on Sunday between 2:30pm - 8:30pm, we are the first dinner sitting and was wondering if dinner is still served in the dinning room the first night.
We have cruised a few times with Wee Jimmy and we look forward to having the chance to sail wit you in the future.
Have a great day.
March 9th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Hi John,
Another great “Blog Story”. We do our best to take care of the crew because they all work very hard to please the masses and unfortunately there are always a few customers that push the envelope so to speak. I salute all of you for the happiness and joy you folks bring to each of us when we are at the high seas. A lot of “ZEN” time for you John during the famous “Spring Break” cruises. By the way, were we not suppose to take that comfortable mattress with us on debarkation? :0) Take care.
Luis & Maria Torres
March 10th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Hi John/Heidi:
Great chatting with you on Facebook John. Thanks for responding.
I had always known how busy the crew are on debarkation day but its just amazing to see it when you put it into print.
I guess it pays to be a casino host that day
Great hearing from you.
I really enjoyed the pictures today. Memories seeing the Triumph. It was the first ship that my wife and I were able to enjoy together.
Thanks again and hope you’re feeling a tad bit better.
David
March 10th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Dearest John, We really enjoyed our cruise with the Freedom staff. I cannot recall such a fun time on vacation ever. Your shows were all very good and much needed for our family and friends. I hope your ailment will subside in time. I personally have had Bells and have had people really treat me harshly. Some people will never change with there bad attitudes. Your conduct wherever you went was truly an example to others on how to view critical response’s. We cannot think to much of ourselves’, or respond to ill-treatment when others are offended by our handi-cap. You showed real class with everything I saw you do and I appreciate it, it was a good object lesson for me to see you handle others who were critical of you. I have a A type personality and I fight being unkind to others when they show me unkindness. Please accept my great admiration for this quaility you display. Regards, Kevin Abney
March 10th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Yo John, How you doin? Teresa and I had the best time on the Carnival Freedom last week. By Wednesday, I really felt like a celebrity. I couldn’t go any where on the ship without someone yelling (with and non-New York accent) “Yo, Tony!!!” All of the staff and crew were terrific as usual. Now we are trying to get used to fending for ourselves again… and then there’s that work thing. Thank you for helping to make our vacation really special. Our thoughts are with you for a speedy recovery to the Bells Palsey. Please drop a line when you are in New York City. We would love to meet up with you if your schedule allows.
All the best,
Tony & Teri
March 11th, 2008 at 10:36 am
John,
Thanks for the information regarding the staff and how the ship is preparing for the next guests. I never doubted how hard the crew works, but it’s always nice to have an inside glance at what all goes on. Much appreciated. My appreciation to all the crew.
As for the PETA man, I’d like to know if he was vegan. He obviously took offense to anything pertaining to animals, therefore, I would assume he didn’t eat any meats or fish (or monkey for that matter). Please check his dining habits. I’d be curious. You definitely had the patience of a saint on this one.
March 11th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Hi John, We are Pennsylvania Dutch from central PA.
March 11th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Dear John,
First I would like to say thank you to you and all of the staff aboard the Freedom. My husband and I debarked on the 8th and had a wonderful honeymoon trip.
I sincerely hope that Mr. Bell finishes with you soon and thanks again for your perseverence. It is a trip Neil and I will never forget. We have never laughed so hard. Eddie Capone was hilarious and then to ice the cake with that ‘ venomous’ villian and the heroic Japanese man with the slightly incorrect diction for ’shoot” and the now immortal Mary! I’m quite sure I will remember that week for the rest of my life!
Despite the delays we encountered on embarkation and debarkation, all else was nothing short of exceptional.
Bravo! to you all. We hope to see you again soon.
Be well
Penny