I just went through security which was manned by someone who made me take off my shoes. Now considering I have been walking since 8 am up and down the hills of Tallinn my feet smell like Gerard Deperdeaux’s refrigerator………….cheese topped with extra cheese.
So, there I was bending over trying to take off my mountain shoes which Heidi made me buy……..there was not much air down there as I bent over and once removed the smell of Brie filled the air…….and once the brave Admiral was happy my shoes contained nothing but the smell of Paris he waved me through………and just for good measure I released the smell of Elk from the other end.
Here I sit waiting for Estonia Air to call our flight……..if I walk on the plane and the cockpit door is open as usual before take off and I see the instrument panel all blinking 12 like me DVD player has for years……..I wouldn’t be surprised.
I am about to tuck into my dinner which is a delightful thing called a chicken and berrcan sandwich….and that’s exactly how it is spelt on the wrapper.
Will write when and if we land. If we don’t I bequeath all my underwear to PA 007 and my socks to the Museum of Modern Art in France
Filed under: Europe, Travel, Uma Thurman | Tagged: Splendor Godmother
Give ‘um hell.
John, I like the rapid fire raspberry blogs. To bad Heidi is not here it’s Thursday. I could just see more rapid fire post.
Thursday, April 10th, 2008…10:00pm
GOING TO BED IT’S THURSDAY
Thursday, April 10th, 2008…10:03pm
I’M BACK TO BLOGGING
BIG ED
John,
BUGGER !!!!!
Serves them right getting the ever-pleasant aromas of dead Brie and live Elk. May their days be filled with many more !!!!
And you thought American Immigration was a pain in the you-know-what.
Hang in there mate.
C.
John:
Sadly, as I predicted, American Airlines did indeed cancel David’s flight for Friday morning.
Do you happen to have any VW engines and ceiling fans that you can spare?
At this point, it will probably be quicker for him to build his own!!
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
Hey John,
Glad to see that you folks are having such a great time in the Baltic again. Maybe someday Sylvia and I will get to do it but we still need to do the Med first. Tracey S told me to stop by the blog to keep up with the cruise and glad I did. Hope to see you soon and please give our best to Heidi!
Jim
Hi John,
Your tribulations reminded me of something Barbara Sher (a really terrific motivational speaker) once said:
“Everybody says the Soviets lost the Cold War, but I think they won it. Think about it – they were absolute experts on how to be dreary…”
As horrible as I find American airports and airlines to be, you have shown that we are mere beginners when it comes to making flying as dreary and unpleasant as the Russians do. To quote another great American, Pogo the cartoon opossum, “We have met the enemy and they is us!”
***Signs You’ve Chosen a “No Frills” Airline***
You can’t board the plane unless you have the exact change.
Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
The Flight Attendant announces that she will be offering drinks, snacks, and life vests for sale.
The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, “Just once.”
No movie. Don’t need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
You see a man with a gun, but he’s demanding to be let off the plane.
All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
The Captain announces that the brakes on the landing gear are broken, but it’s OK because it’s a non-stop flight.
Oh, poor John. So sorry for your travel blues. Good luck and have a safe trip. Too bad you cannot cruise to each place like your lucky guests will.
Heidi, bet you have never been so glad to have visa trouble!
Dear John
I too like the quick fire rapberry bloggs. Its good to vent like that. Only you can find some humour in a terrible situatin where most of us would have lost our tempers by now..
“fly safe”
Betty Boo0p
aka
Elizabeth
John,
You can really paint a picture with your words, and all I can say is, thank goodness we can’t smell your feet.
If the plane goes down…just take off your shoes and we will send out a French search party.
Be careful, and have a safe flight!
Princess Susan
These “rapid fire raspberry blogs” (great comment Big Ed) are hilarious!!! Again, I truly can’t wait for your book. All these stories are going to make you a fortune – and earn you the coveted…Aston Martin you sooooo deserve!!! Keep your chin up and the blog thingys coming.
Lori
John & Heidi,
Mom and I have returned from our Conquest cruise (3/30-4/6) and the following days in Houston with her sister. I’m pooped!
I finally have internet access again and must thank you for the wonderful basket you sent to us during the cruise. My mom was “gobsmacked” that something came from YOU that we both had tears of joy in our eyes and we felt oh-so special.
I would want to write more and we are reading your blog as fast as we can. I think we’re up to April 4th, but I feel a nap coming on and decided to thank you before I fell asleep.
We loved our cruise. We did all that we could to experience each part. We had a great cabin steward, Amnart. I want him to get some kind of special notice for treating us so kindly. Our waiter Wasan and his assistant Putu were true pros. I am sad to say that some at our table were not very patient with them and I was embarrassed for these table mates. Wasan & Putu carried on as though nothing had happened and even seemed to try harder to please them. Personally, I would have “accidently” spilled something on each of their heads…. Wasan and Putu were true & classy pros.
Who do I tell (other than my comment cards, tips etc) to give these professionals the rewards that they deserve ? Is this where I write a letter to the corportation? They would have made you so proud, John.
Wee Jimmy was fun and extremely hard working. Alas, he was not you…
Thank you again. My mom is ever so impressed that we rec’d something from you & shared this with her bridge group.
You’re #1 in our book. We could never imagine NOT reading your blog thingy, so quit worrying about this so much. I will comment occasionally so you don’t forget about us.
We’re actually excited to hear all about your travels and what all is entailed in setting up excursions. We guess there are “contracts” and wonder what all is involved on both sides and how long the contracts usually last. We look forward to viewing Europe through your eyes & your words.
We just so enjoy living vicariously through you and Heidi (and now Bubba Chris… etc) Love BIG ED and will have to do our research to learn of the infamous April Fools prank and finally, being a younger sister myself, I am looking so forward to hearing more from Suzanne. tee-hee….
Take care, thanks again, God bless you John!
We’ll catch up soon & look forward to meeting you in person on the Bloggers Cruise next February.
Andrea in TX
John,
I read humor here… Maybe it’s because of the berrcan in the sandwich… too bad it wasn’t beer can… And you could pop a top and take a gulp!!
Lambie
Hi John/Heidi:
Pardon my ignorance, but what is a berrcan? I am not familiar with it.
Something tells me that you will not be rushing back to Estonia anytime soon.
Cheer up buddy and hope everything else is going ok.
Thinking of you,
David
dude! double buggers! (but i am laughing, sorry…)
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
Hi John,
Hang in there. Thanks for the raspberry blogs!
John,
You can always get us laughing!!! LOVE the rapid fire raspberry blogs!! Just goes to show you how often I turn my computer to “John Heald’s Blog”. I never give up with one blog per day and am checking the computer numerous times a day in case you have decided to post more. TODAY I FEEL LIKE ALL OF YOUR BLOGGER FAITHFUL HAVE HIT THE JACKPOT!!! THANK YOU!!!
THANKS ALSO TO THE QUEEN OF THE BLOG, STEFANIE, for being there waiting for John’s next entry and for sending it on to all of us so quickly!
Also, for once Heidi was not the recipient of the “smell” of the elk! I am sure that she is probably sooooo thankful that she has visa trouble! Good luck John in getting to your next destination!
Sheryl
Hi John!
I’m not supposed to use my voice yet… and I am having a really hard time trying to not laugh out loud!!! Love the Rapid Fire Rasberry Blogs…. Best laugh I have had without laughing ever!!! But you should have brought along some RS SF Jelly Beans to go with that Elk and Brie!!! LOL
Princess Barb
PS… Stephanie… keep up the great work!!!
Well John I think OH MY, OH MY is now called for.