I am sitting here in the departures lounge looking at one of the smallest Fokkers I have ever seen……………….I had no idea they made passenger planes this small and I have already been told that my carry on bag is too big and has to be checked into the Fokkers holding area.
Now, considering my carry on is a small laptop dancer bag you will understand this is one small Fokker and when I was a kid I had a bigger plane than this hanging over my bed on a piece of string.
However, here I sit waiting to board the flight from Hamburg to Amsterdam looking at a Fokker on the runway. Now it is a jet plane but the engine is small and looks like the sort of thing you see on a Subaru car and if it gets up in the air it will surprise me.
Murphy has decided to join us again as he has decided to delay this Fokker for 45 minutes…………..so here I sit waiting for the Fokker to take off.
While I wait and eat my ham and cheese sandwich which by the way has no right to call itself a ham and cheese sandwich as it has as much ham in it as a sheep…………..I suddenly realized I should be elsewhere………….I should be eating a wonderful 5 course dinner and hobnobbing with the rich and tanned having just witnessed Dame Helen Mirren break the bottle on the side of the newest cruise ship in the world the spectacular P & O ship………………….Ventura.
I should be eating lashings of caviar and a huge steak washed down with lashings of Diet Coke, not sitting here eating a stale ham and cheese airport sandwich trying to decide if I should call security as someone had stolen the ham.
Anyway, we wish the Captain and crew of the Ventura well and from one the professional press have been saying along with first hand reports coming from a friend of mine who is onboard now……………….the Ventura is one very special ship. Reports are that Dame Helen did a wonderful job and that she is as special in person as she is on the screen………………..congratulations Dame Helen and congratulations yet again to Carnival Corporation on another amazing success ………………………….wish I could have been here instead of waiting for a Fokker.
While I wait I would like to take you back a few weeks when Heidi and I sailed on the Emerald Princess. During this fantastic voyage we met the Cruise Director James who we became great friends with and who after a while we realised was the second best Cruise Director in the industry………………………just kidding James………………….your the third………………….kidding…………….anyway, James is brilliant and I had sent him a few questions to answer which he kindly did………………here they are.
1. Can you tell us how you started at Princess cruises and what your background is?
I started with Princess 10 years ago in 1998, I joined the original Crown Princess as Junior Assistant Cruise Director. I started my career in show business in the holiday centers in the UK. I was a world famous “Butlin’s Redcoat”, I have also been in several professional pantomimes,
taking the lead as varies different characters.
2. Although the title of Cruise Director is used on the majority of ships the job is different on every line. What are the responsibilities of a Princess CD?
I am responsible for the Entertainment and Passenger Programming, I also take a lead in the promotion of all the passenger services and revenue areas. It is important that I take an active role in the daytime activities and evening entertainment … truth is …. that is still my favorite part of the job, I love teaching the ballroom, talking to passengers and generally making sure everyone is having a quality experience.
3. One of the things I was impressed with when I sailed with you on the Emerald Princess was the way you scheduled different shows and events running at the same time. This must take a lot of planning…..can you explain the principles about your scheduling and how it works.
Emerald Princess is a BIG ship, with a SMALL ship feel. We offer multiple choices of dining and entertainment to give the passengers the maximum amount of choice. The schedule is a big job, but it gives me an incredible amount of job satisfaction when it all comes together.
4. How many people fall under your management and who are they?
I have 5 managers who all fall under my umbrella of responsibility.
Deputy Cruise Director (My # 2 … there is only one!!)
Senior Assistant Cruise Director (8 Cruise Staff)
Senior Production Manager (12 Production Staff)
Dance Captain (13 Dancers / 4 Vocalists)
Youth Director (Anywhere between 6 to 20 staff depending on the kid
count)
Bandmaster (34 Musicians)
5. What is your favorite part about being a Cruise Director?
It is the BEST job I have ever had, it gives me a nice balance of entertaining, man management, scheduling and event management.
6. What is your least favorite part of the job?
Honestly ….. I can’t think of my least favorite part. I really enjoy all the different aspects of my job!
7. You were chosen to open the Emerald Princess as CD. How was that experience and can you describe how proud you were.
I love to take out the new ships in the fleet, this is the ultimate challenge. I have been involved in the last seven new Princess ships, five as Deputy Cruise Director and two as Cruise Director. Emerald Princess without doubt was the best experience, we went into service without any issues, the ship is beautiful and in my opinion we where went straight into the best itinerary in the world …. The Med!!! I love the Med! I very proud to be the Cruise Director on the latest ship in the fleet, we have a very strong product and an outstanding team.
8. What is your favorite part of the Emerald that you think offers guests something extra special?
Our Italian themed Piazza ….. I love this space, particularly when we are sailing in Europe …… if I was on vacation, I would be sat here all day ….. people watching, enjoying the street performers and indulging in everything the International Cafe and Vines Wine and Seafood Bar has to offer!
9. If you were invisible for a day onboard the Emerald Princess where you go and what would you do?
As above!!
10. Finally, if you could introduce and star act onboard who would that be and why?
Elton John, he would be the ultimate star to introduce, he is a legend world wide, his career has been such a success.
Now, the Emerald Princess has just started its trans-Atlantic crossing so I have asked James to send me a few reports as they sail Fort Lauderdale to Southampton. Here is what James has to say.
Hi John,
The weather is GREAT, so far so good ….. no problems the passengers are really fun and are really enjoying everything!
PS … I had over 100 couples at the Ballroom Dancing this morning the room was packed
Thanks mate, and we look forward to your next report soon and please send our best to the Captain and crew…………………I was joking before……………you are the best Cruise Director……………..in your price range.
So, I am about to board the Fokker and I will let you know what happens when I land………have I ever told you I hate flying?
I am now sitting on the bus and we are on our way to the hotel. The Fokker had the smallest interior of a plane I have ever seen and would have been more at home as one of Thomas the Tank Engine’s friends…………………we could call it Freddy the Fokker.
There were two seats on either side of the isle and even a leprechaun, who had lost both his legs in hunting for gold accident at the end of the rainbow, would have complained about the legroom.
Thank Goodness the Fokker was only in the air for 45 minutes during which I shouted its name many times.
The plane was full of city types in suits and clutching their BlackBerrys as though they were a life support system. I felt really out of place, dressed in my sweat pants and Miami Heat t-shirt, while every one else was wearing designer suits……………….I stuck out like Santa in the Congo.
I was really glad to get out of the Fokker and I hope that it’s the last time I ever meet one. I have one more flight with British Airways to London Heathrow on Saturday and with that in mind I have already bought my luggage a “I miss you ” card for when the buggers lose it.
Good Night,
Your friends,
John and Heidi Fokker
PS
So here I am at the hotel and as promised, here are a few photos from today.
They include me and my Polizei friends. There was also later in the day a huge demonstration by the Greenpeace movement. They were protesting about the use of coal in some factories in Germany.
At one point, the deputy Prime Minister, a lady who looked like Anne Robinson (the original presenter of The Weakest Link) was surrounded by press and protestors. I managed to stand feet away from her as you can see from the photo.
Just before I go, I mentioned the naming ceremony of the Ventura. I thought some of you might like to look at this link to their website so you can see the ship for yourself. They all had a fabulous time without me.
www.pocruises.com/designedforbritain
Here are the photos and there will be more raspberry blogs tomorrow.
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
John,
Thanks for the pictures, I really enjoyed them. Sorry to hear Murphy was with you again. Why don’t you leave him there Saturday at the hotel BEFORE you fly back.
I’m not sure…but are you trying to complain about the lack of leg room on the plane??
A ham and cheese sandwich sounds wonderful to me as long as you wouldn’t have to grind it up into mush so I could eat it.
Please have safe travel Saturday without Murphy!
Princess Susan
John, I can just see you and I on the same Fokker. The Fokker would never get off the ground. When you got on the Fokker the other well dressed passengers must have thought you were French.
BIG ED
Packed in a sardine can is an accurate way to describe flying in one of these small regional jets. American Eagle uses many of those little 50 seat Embraer ERJ-145 fellers ……oh the joys of air travel….I too would be glad I buggered off the Fokker.
Was Helga again pouring water on the air spa sauna rocks…Need more oxygen here!!!!
Great blog — had me laughing all the way through. Thanks!
Only 10 more days until the TA – Yippee!
Ann
Hi John,
I read the blog thingy daily and more often than not I find myself laughing out loud. Also, when I yell Fokker out at work I have to remember to tell my bosses I am referring to an airplane ! Thanks again for the laughs.
I so look forward to reading the thingy everyday & I really love the titles. All my stress just goes away & I laugh, laugh, laugh. Thanks! The pictures were great as well. Happy travels w/out Murphy…I hope.
Jan
John I knew you were just going to love that airplane! As for your ham and cheese sandwich minus the ham – as I remember you had wild boar last night for dinner. Just how much “pork fat” (that’s an Emeril Lagasse term) can, no make that should, one man consume in 24 hours?
You are right James is a great CD. I’ve sailed with him three times the most recent on the Emerald 3/5/08 and he still seemed as fresh as he did the 1st time. Thanks for including him in this blog thingy.
Great pictures. You and the cops certainly looked joyfull.
We look forward to the raspberry blogs tomorrow. For now go get some rest please.
Gulliver’s errrr John’s Travels
John’s idea of a good flight:
http://www.nightingalebullies.com/images/top-klm.jpg
Murphy gives him this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Fokker.70.flying.arp.750pix.jpg
Mark
The Flying Dutchman
(No Affiliation with KLM… other than the Dutch part)
Sorry John, you get no sympathy from me today. I often have to fly to Colorado Springs on business, which means I usually have to fly in a jet so small it is only 3 seats wide (1 on the left, 2 on the right) and anyone over 5’6” has to stoop in the aisle. Plus, these flight are about 3 times as long as your little 45 minute hop. So, Boo Hoo to you!
I like that James’ first Princess job was “Junior Assistant Cruise Director.” To me it sounds like the “job” they’d give kids on airplanes (back in the days when the airlines actually gave a “Fokker” about their pax). The stewardess (NOT “Flight Attendant”) would pin some plastic wings to the little brat’s shirt and proclaim him “Junior Assistant Pilot” or some such silliness. I wonder if the “real” CD pinned a plastic ship to James’ shirt and gave him the duty of picking up the wet cocktail napkins after the Welcome Aboard show?
John,
Both Cindy and I have been following your adventures ever since we met you on the Freedoom when Mr. Bell first came to visit.
We truly enjoy following your (mis??) adventures daily.
Over the years Cindy and I have found a “Sure Fire ” cure to keep Mr. Murphy FAR away when traveling.
Have the lovley Heidi go to a local produce market and pick up 19 (the number has to be exact) cloves of garlic.
The next part will take some talent, so you should let Heidi do it as a sharp instrument will be involved.
Have Heidi get a needle and heavy thread while you peel the garlic cloves. next have her thread the cloves on to the thread finishing with enough thread so she can make a noose to go over your head.
Now about 2 hours before you leave for your trip put the garlic neckless around your neck and then button your shirt.
I will promise you that your trips thru airport security and customs will become very quick and pleasant experiences.(except for the security staff) As a side benifit you will NEVER suffer from a lack of elbow or leg room on any flight that you take, you will most likley have and entire section of the plane to yourself. (try it on your trip to L.A. next week)
I guarentee MR.Murphy will never bother you any more.
Bill
PS. another side benifit is that if the airlines do happen to loose your luggage you will find that the folks at the airport will find it immediatley for you (even if they have to charter a plane to get it too you)
It may take Heidi some time to get used to it, but since i am sure that you have taken your boots off in her presence and she survived that, so she should be OK.
Keep up the good work my friend. looking forward to seeing you on Splendor.
lol john, my husband is built a bit like you and when he was in the army he had to fly out on a fokker too! they took the 19th seat OUT OF THE PLANE so it would take off! glad you made it ok!
John,
You should know that the infamous Red Baron flew a Fokker against Snoopy in his Sopwith Camel.
John,
I had no idea you were in GreenPeace.
BigMike
Blog Security Chief
Hi, John,
Glad to hear your hardships are nearly over. Have enjoyed “traveling” through the Baltic with you. Try to get some rest on your upcoming “vacation.” Did you and Heidi ever decide where to go?
BTW, I know I’ll sound prudish, but I was kind of disappointed at your excessive use of the name of the plane. I’m probably in the minority…and may be seeing something that isn’t intended…but it just made me a little uncomfortable.
Anyway, travel safe and keep those raspberry blogs coming.
Cheers,
Myra
Hi again John:
. It looks like a street in a big city nothing to do with a ship.
I just had to comment. I received an email with a link to a video of the new Genesis class ships.Impressive ! true….. but you know what?? It made me sad.Why ?you may ask.. it doesnt resembles a ship
I can get that in Las Vegas
Hi John,
Actually, this is popcorngal’s hubby Jack. Couldn’t help laugh at your problems with Teutonic aircraft.
Just curious, were these the Fokkers that bombed Britain, or were those Fokkers flying Heinkles and Messerschmidts?
Ciao
Jack
Ugh John, that sardine can/airplane is the stuff of my nightmares!! Give me a lovely train, steam, late, or otherwise anytime!!!
I am now nodding at my keyboard, just want you to know how much the blogs add to de-stressing my day!!!
Goodnight and God bless John and Heidi!
Eva
I have to agree with Uncle Mickey that the Really Crappy Cruise Line is going to lose their butt on Gargantuan, uh, I mean Genesis.
http://www.lloydslist.com/ll/news/viewArticle.htm?articleId=20017516289
Hey John,
Just had a moment to catch up your blogs. I’m in a ship sailing towards Alexandria, Egypt from the Greek Islands. and blogging daily myself.
I am however sharing some of your experiences, with Mr. Murphy’s cousin Mr. Murphokos. Who 5 days into my cruise is still playing with my luggage, sending it to spots we have yet to visit.
Regards,
Kuki…. naked and smelly, from
CruiseMates.com
Good morning John & Heidi,
Once again, I made sure not to drink my coffee as I read your blog thingy, or “Travels with Mr. Murphy”. That was a good suggestion from Bill about the garlic. Definitely will work.
On my last trip to Florida I was on an Embraer also. Maybe not as small as the Fokker, but for 3 hours I felt like I was curled into the fetal position. And there were a lot of tall people on this plane and when they left, they were all hunched over.
Excellent photos mate. And the interview with James. It’s always great to hear how different cruise lines operate, even those with the same parent company.
I haven’t looked at the link to the Genesis ships yet, but my opinion is they are too big. Too many people – can you imagine getting on and off the ship, and Customs? But I also have this crazy notion that the ship will be too heavy to float. This line from “Titanic” keeps coming to mind “She is made of iron. I can assure you, sir, she can (sink).”
Enjoy the rest of trip into Amsterdam. I like this mini-blogs, I can check back more frequently.
Hugs to you both,
Carol
Reminds me of the old Second World War pilot giving a talk to school children. He said: “I was in my Spitfire, and I could see two Fokkers closing on me.”
The teacher interrupted, saying: “I should point out, children, that Fokker is a type of German airplane.”
The old pilot continued: “Yes. But these two Fokkers were Messerschmits.”
I like those “protesting” photos. John, you are a hoot! I like flying, but was pretty scared on our flight from Miami to Orlando. It was a little propeller fokker and I watched its propeller on my side the whole time, hoping it won’t slow down or stop. It was just a 30-seater – s.c.a.r.y.
Good Morning John,
I really think you should revoke Murphy’s passport and have him deported to France or something. He seems to love to fly with you maybe you can convince him to fly Aloha, ATA or Sky Bus airlines (snicker). Then he would be out of everybody’s way for awhile. No American Airlines would be better with all the delays and cancelations he would be gone forever.
Love the pictures and your tours…someday Jack and I will cruise in Europe and the Med.
Take care
Joan
PS: Pistons will have home court advantage for the Finals. Next year John next year ;D
John,
The folks here thought I had lost my mind when I started laughing out loud over the picture of you in the protest, holding your finger up. I’m glad it was THAT finger otherwise I’m sure I’d still be laughing hysterically.
Sometimes, when ya’ gotta go ya’ just gotta go and going by Fokker may be the only choice. I can assure you that the cockpit is a far roomier and more comfortable place the the cabin is.
The Ventura is a superb looking vessel, isn’t she? I fully expect her to become an instant hit.
Thanks so much for the pictures. I just love to see those. Amazing architecture, eh? Try to replicate that today… it would never happen
Please pass along my howdies to the most lovely Heidi and the most fantastic Stephanie!!!
Cheers!!
GregB
Hi John/Heidi:
Great set of pictures. You look like you belong right in the middle of the protest
I enjoyed reading James’s comments on the launch of the new Princess ship. Sure sounds like he is having a great job.
Thankfully you’ll not be flying a Fokker across the pond when you make your way to LA.
Thanks for another great blog!
David