Wednesday, April 16th, 2008...9:35 am
The Polizei
I have been arrested only once before but it came very close to being a second time today…..more about that later.
First though a very Guten Morgen to you all from Germany where we spend a few more hours before flying to Amsterdam. Last night we had a wonderful dinner at a place called La Villa in Warnemunde. Heidi had Risotto and I decided to go for something different. Usually when in a foreign land on these trips the Tour Operators choose the menu for you feeling that you need to try the local cuisine. Therefore as I have been telling you I have dined on Herring, Bear, Elk, Reindeer and Eel. However last night I was allowed to choose from the menu myself and much to my astonishment I found myself ordering……..Wild Boar. I say that I astonished myself because there was a time when I looked at a restaurant menu and it didn’t have “and fries” listed I would leave.
However, here I am a few years later ordering Wild Boar and it was fantastic. It was cooked in a red wine and caramelized onion sauce and served as is every dish in Germany with potatoes. It was historic and my colleague who also had the Wild Boar also said it was superb. The Chef is onto a winner with this dish and I am sure everyone will be happy……except of course Willy the Wild Boar who was happily mincing around the forest when Heinz the Hunter shot him……still, Willy should know as he frolics in the forests of heaven that he died so I could eat him………a small price to pay.
Willy was though not the best thing to eat before going to bed and Willy’s revenge was to give me some major indigestion through the night which added to the problem of my other end being cemented closed by a glue made from German Sausage it was not a good night. However, a few cups of strong German coffee seem to have caused some movement which I know you were all desperate to know.
It’s now 11:35 am and we have just finished our visit of Schweirm Fairy Tale castle. I will slap on a few photos of this storybook place as the photos will describe its beauty much better than I can.
It was though during our visit that for the second time in my life I was detained by the Police. The first time was when I was 17 and it was all my mate Alan’s fault.
Alan had fallen in love, which for most people would take days. Alan had fallen in love because a girl had spoken to him. As you know Alan and I were as popular as a rock-climbing wall in rough seas with women but on this occasion a girl called Sara had spoken to him at a nightclub.
The fact that this monumental event had happened meant my best mate fell in love with her quicker than a snail driving a Ferrari. Now, most men having had a girl speak to them and show an interest in pursuing the conversation would have stayed and spoken to them ……..not Alan……his plan was to wait outside the club and offer her a ride home. So there we sat at midnight in the parking lot in my little Triumph Spitfire listening to The Pet Shop Boys, The Communards and Bronski Beat which was Alan’s favorite sounds.
Eventually Sara came out of the club and I was expecting Alan to leap out of the car and invite her to somehow find a way to sit on the back seat which was so small a Leprechaun would have fond it difficult to get comfortable.
However Alan did not move because he said he had a stomach cramp which meant he was too shy to speak to her. We watched Sara get in her car with her sister and like a taxi driver in a Bond movie I was told to follow that car.
We did……all the way to Wakering a small village where they lived. We watched them go into their house and that was that…….he had been too shy to say anything……and that was me and Alan back to the Cliff Pub, a Kebab and home alone.
The next day Alan asked me if we could meet as he had plucked up the courage and now was ready to talk to our Sara. So, there we were sitting outside of their house on a cold Sunday afternoon waiting hopefully for Alan’s dream girl to come out……eventually she did but by the time Alan had stopped dithering about like the big girls blouse that he is she was in her white Mini Cooper and that was me…….following that car once again.
We followed her for an hour until she arrived at another residential address where we sat outside once again cold, bored and listening to more Communards and Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
We had been sitting there waiting for Sara to come out of the house so we could waste more petrol following her home again when a police car pulled up in front of us. Now, at this point neither of us thought anything about it as we were both law-abiding citizens and hardly on Essex Police’s wanted list……..all that was about to change.
The two police officers walked toward the car and being British Police they politely knocked on the car window.
Remember this is pre the world of terrorism and today’s British Police Force has to be much more authoritarian than the old days. Back in the time I am writing about none of the UK’s police had guns and the only way to apprehend a criminal was to shout loudly “Ahoy…..stop” and if you got close enough maybe the Officer would pinch the bad guys nipple and say “please don’t do that again.”
Anyway, I digress. The Officers asked Alan and I to step out of the car and present some identification. At this point we still had no idea what was happening. I knew my front tire was balder than Yul Brenner’s head and that I still had a Library book which was three years overdue but this was a bit much.
However and as I am sure the detectives amongst you have figured out we were wanted for questioning for………..stalking. The Officers explained that someone had reported us for suspicious behavior and they wanted to know why we were here.
Now, being a true friend of Alan’s my reply was “because he’s in love and too scared to talk to her and he makes me drive around looking for her and I am sorry and his name is Alan and he can’t get a girlfriend.”
The Officers seemed to be understanding but gave us a very severe warning telling us that the Police were looking for a man who was wanted for some serious offenses that had taken place at an area called Leigh Tip and that ladies had been told to be on their guard.
So, with a severe warning that we would both be arrested if seen following the girl of Alan’ s dreams again………we drove home the sound of a major bollocking ringing in Alan’s ears……..thanks to him we were now on the National Order Noted Criminal Entry…….we were the UK’s first ever Stalkers.
Well, this morning I was once again detained and questioned by the Police or the Polizei in this case.
So we arrived at the castle and while the others went off to tour the inside, Theo the Cameraman and I went off to film and narrate some facts about where we were. We stood on the main entrance filming and after just a few minutes a large German hand covered the camera lens and we were both escorted away from the entrance. The Officers then began to throw their toys out of their stroller getting all worked up about something. The problem was Officer Jurgen and Officer Karl spoke no English and unless they could serve me a sausage with curry sauce, tell me where the toilet was or needed to know I could say the word Bra in their language (stoppen von floppen) my German was of no use either.
It was obvious that they wanted some paper work giving us the right to film but if we did it was with Ian our guide and they were elsewhere in the castle.
I tried in very slow loud Engligerman to which is a cross between German and English that I was with Carnival Cruise Lines ……….I got nothing……..nothing. It was obvious that here being a Cruise Director carried as much weight as a Supermodel. I got nothing but a cold hard stare……..it looked like I may be visiting the local jail when I had a brainwave……..I looked the officers square in the eye and very slowly and with the same authority as President Kennedy used at the Brandenbergate —I said “Ich Bin Mit Aida Cruise Lines……and using the only word I knew for boss in German I said….”Ich bin ein Direktor von Aida Kreuz Firma”……well that was the magic word and just as if I had said I am Harrison Ford and we are filming Indiana Jones and the Legend of the Eleven Bratwursts……the smiles came and the hand signals showed with a big thumbs up that we could continue filming.
So, a message for Aida President Micahel Thamm…..if the German police contact you please remember I work for you.
By the way, Heidi caught the conversation with my new friends from the Polizei on her camera and as soon as I get off this dam bus I will send them.
So, Germany is a fantastic place and considering all the country has been through it is remarkable where they are now. I was so impressed with Berlin and this city is the must see place during the Carnival Splendor’s calls. The tour guides and operators are the best and of course I will never ever forget my visit to Sachsenhausen and I hope I never will.
I won’t miss the sausages because I still have some…..ummm….with me. I will miss the people and the places that have made it a memorable 3 days.
So it’s a 2-hour bus ride to Hamburg and then a flight to Amsterdam arriving at 8 pm.
I hope it will be an uneventful flight……….however …….Heidi just showed me our E tickets…….the plane is something called a Fokker 70…………oh bugger.
More from the raspberry later and photos before bedtime.
Auf Wiedersehen
Your Friends
John and Heidi
26 Comments
April 16th, 2008 at 10:00 am
John:
Don’t have any guilt for eating the Wild Boar.
I have never seen one “happily mincing around the forest”, but I have seen one that chased a 300 pound hunter up a 1″ sapling.
Believe me, the only time you want to see Wild Boar is when it is cooked on your plate!
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
April 16th, 2008 at 10:23 am
John & Heidi,
Okay, let’s see if I got this right–John is headed to what the Thai’s call the “Monkey House,” and Heidi, who speaks fluent German TAKES THE PICTURE? This sounds like more than the typical doghouse–it smacks of REVENGE! What happened; did she catch you wearing skivvies instead of boxers?
“Back in the doghouse again. Back with my flea-covered friend. Move over Big Ed, looks like I’m movin’ in–back in the doghouse again.” (with apologies to Ray Stevens)
Many thanks, John and Heidi for the wonderful blogs, raspberry and otherwise. And to Bubba for bringing Alaska alive for us. May you all have travels, not travails.
Rus Franklin
April 16th, 2008 at 10:43 am
John,
You are most resourceful. Did you include the officers in your “travelogue”?
Bet you’ll be really glad to get back on a ship so you can gain control and get some rest!!!
Keep on smilin’,
Myra
April 16th, 2008 at 10:47 am
John was that Great Wakering or Little Wakering?
Big Ed
April 16th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Hi John/Heidi:
I love wild boar. Reading your description of the dish made me quite hungry.
I could just imagine you calling the brass at Aida or in Miami to come bail you out in Germany. What a hasle that would be.
Hope your flight to the Netherlands went well.
Great set of blogs from your fam trip. Thank you for sending.
Take care!
David
April 16th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Well at least the Fokker 70 has jet engines rather than ceiling fans….I wonder if it is an offense to impersonate another cruise line director or stalking/filming a castle…..Your punishment would be a steady diet of German sausage and wild boar. Perhaps you would have elicited a different response from the Polizei officers if you uttered your other known German ……stoppen von floppen…..and then showed your photo of you as Dolly von Parton …
Mark
The Flying Dutchman
April 16th, 2008 at 11:00 am
John, please reply when you have a chance…2 questions 1. I have been reading on the cruise critic boards that the Carnival Splendor is going to start anytime dining (or some kind of concept like that). Please tell me there will be assigned dinner seating for those of us who like the traditional seating!! Most importantly #2. I have booked myself to go on the Inspiration…SOLO. I frequently go solo with a group, but this time I am solo by myself. Can you tell me if it is true that the Maitre D assigns dinner seating and puts solo travelers together? Dinner is the only thing that has me slightly stressed about this trip! Thanks in advance for your reply…
Maria
April 16th, 2008 at 11:10 am
John,
My husband is a hunter and he shot a wild boar once. I tried to cook it, marinate, season, and beat it with a wooden spoon. But after 3 days in the crock pot, it turned out to be a crock of %$#@.
Glad yours was good and you enjoyed it.
As always: I enjoy the adventures you have taken us on.
Ciao, Kathleen
April 16th, 2008 at 11:18 am
John & Heidi,
Wild Boar, huh? Very adventerous, aren’t you?
Quick thinking with the Polezei. It worked, didn’t it and I can’t wait to see the photos Heidi took.
So Auf Weidershen, safe flight to Amsterdam.
C.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Hello to Europe!
))))
Just got back from Valor. It was a wonderful trip! I love Chris! He is almost as good as you are
We had a grand time and cannot wait to save up $ for our next one. The wedding went well, eventhough there was a huge landfill fire at St. Thomas and we could not make it to our private beach so we ended up at Magen’s Bay instead. If you have a time to read more about our trip, just click on my website/blog above.
I have to catch up now on your last week’s posts so talk to you later…
April 16th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Fokker 70, oh my, you will probably not like that a whole lot more than the Saab 340 that was powered by a hamster in heat chasing a female hamster in one of the wheel things or the one with two little V.W. powered ceiling fans stuck to the wing.
The fact that Heidi just stood there during your confrontation with the German police is a hoot. Sounds like you need to do something reallll nice to get back on her good side.
Enjoy the rest of your day in Germany. I can’t wait until you experience the driving in Amsterdam. Of all the places I’ve been it was the most terrifying!
April 16th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
You should carry around one of those little electronic translator things. One things for sure zine German Polizei and the Queen’s Royal Police Force sound a lot more understanding and forgiving than the police across the pond here in the states.
_BigMike
April 16th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
I am leaving on the Carnival Inspiration tomorrow (4/17) so I will have to catch up on your blog when I return. Please keep the stories coming…my last 2 Carnival cruises were with you as CD so it will seem strange not to have you aboard.
Regards to Heidi.
Linda
April 16th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
To: Kathleen (Bucket Lady)
Sounds like similar failed cooking experiments my mother experienced with the ole crock…..
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00024L6YS.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
ROFL
April 16th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
John,
Can’t you ever leave murphy alone?? You have “adventures” wherever you go.
I sure wish Alan would get on here and give us some stories about you. Hope he is getting along better!
I’m hoping for a good flight for you this time!
Please send my thanks to Bubba for his blogs. I really enjoyed them!
Princess Susan
April 16th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
To Mark:
Yep, that’ s it. If that doesn’t make it tender nothing will. *LOL*
Kathleen
April 16th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
John, the polizei, handcuffs and Heidi taking pictures. Hmmmmm…..I can already see the wheels in Big Ed’s head churning. BC2 just became much more interesting.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Hey John,
Back from the short cruise on the Fascination last week. Dan was a great CD and Andres (social host )and David the assistant CD were funny and showed how much they love their jobs with Carnival. Won another ship on a stick. Yahoo!
Wild boar and a run in with the cops…………….just a typical day in the world of John Heald. Please write a book……….or several. You’ve got enough material to do a mini series for sure.
I’ll bet you’re getting excited about a new ship soon and your latest adventures are surely keeping us all entertained. Have fun in Amsterdam and smooth sailing.
All the best to Heidi.
B&D from warm and springy Canada! Finally.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Well, my friend… you have a unique ability to dodge disaster faster than Evel Knievil. Super job of impersonating a cruise director… for another line…
Your story about your mate, Alan, dragging you about the English countryside reminds me ever so much of a friend of mine who also had no luck whatsoever with the ladies. My episode was a bit more embarrassing… remind me to tell you about it on the Blogger’s cruise… Speaking of Alan, how is he doing?? Well, I hope.
Pictures!! Pictures!!! More pictures!!!! Bring ‘em on!!!
Pass along my howdies to the lovely Heidi, and the most amazing MOB, Stephanie.
Regards,
GregB
April 16th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
John,
I have been following your adventures and finally caught up! You have been have some fun times. I can’t wait to visit some of the places that you have described. As ever thank you for you wonderful words, whether they be short or long!
Hi Heidi!
Deanna
April 16th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
John/Dolly Parton, If Alan was the one stalking the girl named Sara then it must have been your idea to go to the Cliff Pub on Hamlet Road. I’m sure it wasn’t Alan’s idea to go there because he’s a girl stalker.
BIG ED
April 16th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
oh oh John!!
Im with Russ , While I read your blog I was thinking were was Heidi why didnt she help you? and also I knew how the police story was going to end, I was thinking oh my God they are going to scare the girl, at least i would have been very scare. Why we never saw a picture of Alan?? I think he must be handsome. Show us one.
Praying for a perfect flight to Amsterdam for a change
Nanni
April 16th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
John,
So, you’ve crossed over and work for Aida now…
and then magically, you’re back with Carnival…
Hey, if it keeps you out of the ‘klink,’ I’m thrilled, and I’m sure Heidi is thrilled!! No international incident here!
Your youthful love lives and meanderings with Alan… now this is quite interesting… your anecdotes are always wonderful, but I’m reading these at work… and I can’t help but laugh out loud. Then I have to explain… (I can hardly wait for your stories if you take the Red Light tour in Amsterdam… and ‘no photos allowed’… will this be an international incident?)
John: Have fun… Live life… ENJOY and be well!!!
Regards to Heidi for all her photos and keeping you in line and Stephanie who relays it all to us!!!
Lambie
April 16th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
THIS IS FOR GIRLDOC,
I went on the Fascination in February by myself and I was assigned to a large table with other singles. You can of course choose to eat on the lido deck for the buffet but I enjoyed meeting the other passengers. On the Friday, night I met Steve and Kent, Saturday night was Kent and a woman (I forget her name) and Sunday night was just Kent and myself. Never saw Steve again….too bad he was interesting. I don’t know what else you can do but you can always ask the diningroom staff.
Enjoy your cruise!
Cindy
April 16th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
It’s a good thing your sister cruise line was able to keep you out of custody. I’m sure Heidi would have bailed you out if necessary.
April 17th, 2008 at 7:21 am
Hi John,
You must be in the doghouse again if Heidi did not intervene with your
situation wirh the German police. Was wondering where you’re off to next
after Amsterdam, and when you are boarding Splendor.
I was up before the birds this morning,(4:30) and the dog. I rather like gettng
up at that time, but it usually makes me quite grumpy later, as I don’t always fall
asleep so early. One of my kids is just off on the bus to school and the other gets on a
at 7:50, then it ’s off to work for me a little while later, so I’d better get going. Takes me
a while.
‘Bye,
Sue
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