Giving me a gun is the same as handing a man from Paris a bar of soap. We both have no idea how what it’s for, what it does and how we are supposed to use it.
So, when the hotel’s instructor handed me the shotgun, I, like Jean Claude holding a bar of soap, had no idea what to do with it.
Heidi had seen that our hotel was offering clay pigeon shooting and insisted that we have a go. So, yesterday evening before dinner we headed out to the field behind the hotel to shoot clay pigeons.
I knew this activity was not for me even before we got there as this involved a walk in the countryside across a field. This for Heidi is heaven as she loves the countryside which is why we live where we do. She loves walking in the fields and looking at the wildlife and the mere site of a deer will have her as excited as I would be if I saw a brand new Aston Martin on my drive.
So, across the field we walked dodging large mounds of cow and horse poo along the way……..it worries me that Heidi knows the difference………I wondered if she could tell the difference if me and George Hamilton went into a field and…………..never mind.
Arriving in a tree-lined gully Heidi and I and seven other hotel guests were handed earphones and introduced to Tristan our instructor. He started by asking for a show of hands of who had handled a gun before and participated in the sport…………everyone except Heidi and I raised their hands. I should have guessed this would be the case as they were all dressed in tweed the uniform of the countryside and a sign that they probably had double barrel names, had horses from which they hunted foxes and at the weekend popped next door for a cup of tea with Charles and Camilla…………..
I looked at them and then looked at Heidi and I……..they were in tweed and country attire and even though Heidi had a pair of fashion jeans and a summer blouse on she still looked out of place as she was tweed free.
As for me, well my sweat pants and Miami Heat shirt and baseball cap made me feel as ridiculous as Paris Hilton singing “like a virgin.”
So, back to Tristan asking who had done this before and Heidi and I not raising our hands had the rest of the guests looking at us as if we were aliens. I felt like saying “Who here is not married to their own cousin?” as they do in the countryside …….but instead I found myself doing what I always do when I feel uncomfortable………I revert to comedy. So, I said “I had a gun lesson from Dick Cheney”……….but either the people with me had no idea who he was or had heard about his unfortunate shooting story or they just thought I was an idiot……..because my attempt at some countryside humor was met with complete silence………..bugger.
Anyway, Penelope Pemberton-Smythe and her friends all had their turn and most were excellent and shot the clay disks out of the sky. Each time they did hit the target it was met with polite applause and encouraging words such as “jolly good” and “top hole” ……..one lady who seemed to find it necessary to wear a diamond watch and a huge diamond ring for this activity kept shouting “good show” every time a target was hit. These words were followed by an upper class cackle which had me looking for her broomstick and black cat……what a bunch of snobs.
It was Heidi’s turn and as she shouted “pull” she didn’t squeeze the trigger hard enough and nothing happened…….this was met by a tutting noise from the Witch …….this really upset me and I think she understood the look I gave her as she and her two friends buggered off in case the big thug in the basketball shirt brought her a closer look at the piles of cow poo.
Heidi had another go and even though she had six shots and hit the target just once …….she really enjoyed it although I think that this had something to do with Tristan the blonde haired Prince William look-alike showing her where the butt of the shotgun goes………it wasn’t the butt of the rifle that Heidi was interested in though.
We will chat about how I faired on my first “shoot “in a moment.
Dinner last night was wonderful yet again at the hotel. Heidi had Icelandic Cod and garden vegetables while I enjoyed Lamb Chops with fresh mint sauce……sorry lambknuckles.
After dinner we went to the beautiful lounge where after dinner drinks are served and where I would have enjoyed a cigar until the smoking ban took effect here. Anyway, Heidi enjoyed a Baileys and I sipped on my Diet Coke. All was well. We had changed for dinner and unlike our dress for the shooting thingy we did not look out of place. It was while I slumbered in my Oxford leather chair that I noticed that a couple having drinks on a huge sofa near us were obviously from America……..and my CD button automatically turned on and I engaged them in conversation and, unlike Penelope the Witch and their snobby friends, they were a charming couple.
Brad and Mandy are from Pasadena, California and Brad is a Colonel in the US Army based here in the UK. After a few moments of conversation about the hotel and the wonderful food the conversation turned to cigars and the Colonel said how he missed smoking them both here and back home in California. So, a few minutes later the Colonel and I walked the grounds of the hotel smoking two Monte Cristo Edmundos which I had retrieved from our room.
Cigar smoking is not good for you, I know that but cigar smoking brings out the best in people and is a wonderful conduit for people with nothing in common to get together and enjoy sparkling conversation. Here then the cigar had led to a Colonel in the US Army who had been to Afghanistan and Iraq three times and now worked with NATO talking politics and world affairs with a simple Cruise Director from Essex……..it was a wonderful experience and one that came from a love of cigars.
Bubba likes cigars but while I enjoy a good Cuban cigar Bubba prefers a White Owl after a meal at the Waffle House
Here is another great Bubba Blog
The second cruise has begun……
Well the second Hawaii cruise starts out a little strange for a cruise vacation….well it may not be strange to our guests, but I sure do find it strange. You see after the people who were on the first cruise debarked in Honolulu, we had our new batch of people get on that same day…now that’s normal.
What’s strange is that we don’t sail that same day. We stay overnight in Honolulu as that is the new guests’ first port of call. Now it’s strange because people pretty much come on and then go back out again. The ship is pretty empty that first evening. The casino and gift shop can’t open because of it. The lounges are open and we do a show that night, but attendance is pretty bare. Most of that I think is from people being tired of having to fly from wherever all the way out to Hawaii.
Then we do the Hawaii cruise in reverse with the exception of Maui in which we go to Lahaina, instead of Kahului.
Honolulu
Honolulu
Kauai
Kona
Hilo
Lahaina, Maui
Lahaina, Maui
Then 5 days at sea,
Then VancouverSo the next day we sailed from Honolulu and did the usual boat drill and had the welcome aboard show, but again attendance at the shows was pretty light. It’s tough being in port every day for a week…people need a vacation from their vacation after getting up early everyday to go out and explore, that not many are staying out late. Thankfully they will have the sea days at the end of the cruise to unwind and we’ll all get a better chance to get to know each other.
So far this cruise I have managed to get out in Hilo. Today Julie and I went into town to see the Lilokalani Park, which is a Japanese style garden right on the waterfront near the port. It was beautiful. We both loved to see all of the volcanic rock that forms most of the soil around the area.
Also right along the main strip is a road called Banyan Drive. All along this road are these beautiful Banyan Trees that were all planted in the 1930’s by famous people of the time. Now these trees are massive. They are so interesting because of their root system and how they grow. There’s one picture I took of the roots crawling along the volcanic rock which I thought was very interesting.
As we are going down the road looking at the signs of the people who planted the trees, you could see Shirley Temple, Humphrey Bogart, FDR and some other big names. There were quite a few that I had no idea who they were, but we get to one that say “George Herman Babe Ruth” and Julie says to me….”Who’s that?”
My head whips around as to say “what?” but then I forget, she’s from the Czech Republic and does not know. I explain to her who he is, and her response was “Oh.” It was a funny moment for me.
I saw on the blog someone was asking about the demographics of the Hawaii cruise. Generally it’s an older crowd. Not too many singles, all though saying that we did have a singles group on for the first cruise, but that was a one-off type of thing, I think. Not many kids. Most of the people have cruised before. Both cruises have had over 100 platinum guests. This cruise we have over 350 Australians sailing with us. So you never really know what you are going to get. But I would not expect a late night scene if you are doing these longer cruises. People come more for the ports of call.
Well I will probably be able to give you one more update before we leave the islands. Tomorrow I will be doing something I have wanted to do since I knew I was coming out here. TOMORROW is the LUAU!!!!! Mmmmmm…..Hawaiian BBQ!
Till next time.
Chris
Continuing my look back at some of the famous people I have met onboard the Carnival ships I want to tell you about two incomparable stars I met on one cruise.
These days the word star is used so often especially in the age of reality TV. However back in 2001 I met some true superstars. The ship had been chartered by a radio station and its star DJ Tom Joyner.
The cruise had its problems and concerns which included a speech by a well-known Reverend which left me and many of the ship’s personnel very uncomfortable. However, the highlight was a chance for me to meet and present on stage two megastars.
The radio station had brought on their own entertainment including the brilliant Boys 2 Men, the comedian Sinbad as well as guest speakers which included Magic Johnson whose talk was both inspirational and passionate…….he was a true gentleman.
However for me the two highlights were two men who are simply brilliant. The first was George Benson……….in the days of electrical gadgets that can disguise the defects in a persons voice Mr Benson performed a three hour concert …….just him……a jazz trio……….and it was amazing. After the concert George came to the front of the stage and stayed there for over an hour shaking hands and meeting the fans. Mr Benson also took the time to give me a signed CD and a note saying a huge thank you for the great introduction…….the CD is safe and sound at home and is something I will cherish always.
The following night I met and introduced another superstar……….Isaac Hayes who played a concert with the GAP band. The highlight of the concert was when Isaac came back on for an encore and was now dressed head to toe in a flowing white silk suit with a white silk cape and together with the GAP band they played a twenty minute version of the Theme From Shaft………..it was a stunning show and as I brought him back for another bow the place went mad when they did yet another reprieve of this worldwide hit …………. what a night. Both these singing sensations were true gentlemen and proved that even if you are famous you can still be polite and friendly.
There will be more star struck stories over the next few days.
Today is our last day at the hotel and tomorrow we will head home. Next week I will start work on schedules, etc. for the Carnival Splendor to get as much done before we go to the ship on June 2. Heidi will return to Holland for the weekend on the 16th just for a few days and then we have a trip to Dover on the 24th to look at the port facilities.
I wanted to say thanks to all those people who have come to the blog via Anita Dunham Potter’s article on MSNBC…….over 750 of you and we here in blog thingy land welcome you all.
Thanks also to all the bloggers who have in turn visited Anita’s site as well…….she is a wonderful journalist and a great supporter of the blog………and red wine!
I am trying to encourage others within the Corporation to blog as well. The Captain of the Eurodam and Veendam are writing great blogs already and I am hoping that someone on the Ventura will do so as well. In the days to come you will see guest blogs and even one from my mate Alan who has promised to tell you his side of our troubled younger years.
So, back to my shooting experience. I have read many books written by people who have had a military or police background but thinking that means I am a good shot is like saying you can be an astronaut because you have a Star Trek T shirt……that’s bollocks Jim but not as we know it.
Anyway, I can tell you that out if my six shots I hit 4 targets and as I walked back to the hotel I felt pretty good about myself and didn’t even care when I walked through a huge pile of something Colin the Cow had deposited in the field.
If I am honest I found shooting quite therapeutic and for reasons that only Freud could comprehend ………I really enjoyed it. However, I wouldn’t ever want to own a gun……..it’s illegal in the UK and getting a license to own one is as unlikely as ever seeing me on The Tonight Show.
However, maybe I could borrow one. I only need two bullets……one to shoot Peter the Pigeon who wakes me up every morning and then cluster bombs my car ……The second bullet would be for the Burmese General President chap who is holding up the foreign aid that is waiting to pour in to stop thousands of people dying.
The Colonel and I spoke about this while puffing on our stogies.
It’s believe that there are 100,000 dead with a million left homeless without food and water. The Generals are dithering…….and their dithering is costing lives. The world is ready to help…but until the Burmese military authorities seem reluctant to allow the aid in……………all I can say is……………….give me the shot gun.
I will write more later to say goodnight
Your friends
John and Heidi
Filed under: Europe, Tales from the Ship, Travel | Tagged: Bubba blog, cigars, Hawaii
John, your skeet shooting brought back a very scary memory. I took Pat to skeet shoot one day and that was the last time. Her she was with my 12 gauge shotgun ready to take a shoot “PULL” she yells. She shoots and the recoil spins her around and she is standing there pointing a loaded gun right at me. No the poo in the field that day wasn’t from a cow or a horse but a BIG EDaphant. Now after your post she says she would like to try shootin a pistol, NO WAY!
BIG ED
John,
Carla
You never said how you liked Iron Man? Going to see it in an hour for the second time with me team from work.
Hi, John
Your shooting experience was great! I have tried that several times and it can relieve some of your frustrations. Sounds like you and Heidi have had a great time off. Thank you for taking the time to share with us.
It is so unfortunate for those poor people that need the aid immediately and the big wigs get in the way. Can’t understand when this happens there is no logical reason for this. May God be with them!~
Love the pics of Hawaii they are very good. I have never been there. One day maybe.
Take care and enjoy the last of your time off!!
Keep up the good work! You should be a Goodwill
Ambasador!!!
Kathy
John:
Hearing about guns being illegal has always sounded foreign to me. Growing up it the South, your first shotgun as a child was a 410. Your first rifle was a .22.
The comment about a gun permit reminds me of a story on the Pride with CD Chris Jefferson, Guest Entertainer Kyle Wayne, my husband David (who Kyle used as a plant in his show) and David’s gun permit. To long to tell on here, but it was a hoot!
Since David is forbidden from taking his laptop (ie work) on our Legend cruise on Sunday….we will be out of touch until the 18th….but will be with you in spirit.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday…..
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
John,
I’m glad you liked the skeet shooting and that Heidi had at least one successful shot!! WONDERFUL!!! You’re right when you say it’s therapeutic… Sometimes I can imagine who I’d like to shoot!!! And POW, there goes the bullet!!! WOO HOO!!!
George Benson and Isaac Hayes… it does my soul good to know how wonderful they were to you! I imagine them as having souls of a giver and warmth in their hearts and eyes! I’m quite impressed and glad you mentioned them!! WOW!!! When I at last hug you, I’ll be touching them, ever so slightly, also!!!
Your colonel sounds delightful!! If he reads the blog… THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE AND SACRAFICE FOR OUR COUNTRY AND OUR FREEDOMS! GOD BLESS YOU!!!
I have tried cigar smoking, and even smoked them regularlly in college, but more as a spoof and to show the independence of a woman. Now, I truly savor their aroma and the spirit of a cigar smoker. Their is something wonderful about a cigar smoker, something fun and slightly pompous. I enjoy the chatter that goes along with it’s enjoyment. On deck with Captain Scala, under the Stars with his cigars, was a joy and memory I will treasure! On my upcoming cruises, I will again enjoy that time!!!
John, have a wonderful last day of vacation.
Regards to you, to Heidi, and Stephanie!! Thanks to you all!! Jolly Good!
Lambie
PS: I’m glad you love the taste of lamb… I may give you a nibble of me when we meet…
hee hee
Hey John,
You can’t tell the difference between horse poo and cow poo? It’s easy – just remember “horse apples” and “cow pies”.
If Heidi likes seeing deer then you two have got to visit Yosemite National Park here in California. The deer are almost like house pets. On my last hike with a group of about 10 other people, a doe and her fawn calmly walked within about ten feet of us. Really beautiful.
Chris,
Thanks so much for the demographic info and the lovely pics! Please keep posting. I’d really like some impressions of shipboard life after 3 or 4 days at sea. Are people counting the minutes till they get back on land, or do they keep the Hawaiian mood all the way to the end?
Hi John & Heidi,
Great blog thingy. You couldn’t get me within 10 feet of any kind of gun, but I agree with you about using one on the leaders in Burma. And horsewhipped and hung up by their toenails. And anything else I can think of.
I see Heidi prefers my after-dinner drink of choice – Bailey’s. I haven’t tried their mint chocolate flavor yet – but maybe on the Miracle I’ll buy a bottle.
Loved Bubba’s photos and blog.
That was some superstar cruise in 2001. Just having one of those men would be great, but both of them. And Magic too. I love his smile.
Enjoy the rest of the time off – don’t shoot the snooty people!
Hugs,
Carol
John,
So glad to see that you and Heidi really seemed to be enjoying your 4 days or relaxation and taking up new sports; I got a chuckle out of your Dick Chaney comment.
I did not post a comment about Regis Philbin the other day; I work the taping of the Christmas parade at Walt Disney World every year so seeing Regis in person is an annual event. I was very close to him last year as he and Kelly Ripa approached the stage and he was spoke briefly with guests along the pathway. I also worked an event with Tom Joyner and his family reunion at Disney’s Hollywood Studios (formerly Disney’s MGM Studios)…somehow I seem to find meeting Burt Reynolds and Todd English more to my style!!!
Regards to Heidi and please continue to relax and enjoy.
Linda
John,
You should turn the snobs over to the PETA people for shooting at Pigeons ……LOL… Shooting a gun is a great way to get your fustrations out. you just picture in your mind your problems, and aim away at the target. it is a great stress releaver tothink you just blow the &^%#$ out of your troubles. I do own a hand gun, but I don’t get to shoot it as often as I like…..
to reply to an earlier blog you wrote about strange happenings on stage (the gentalman asking the girlfriend to marry him) My step son who is graduating from High School next month is going to do just that to his girl friend when she gets her diploma. they have been together for over 3 years and have know each other before that. It should be interesting to see what happens. The whole school knows he is going to do this, except her. (we call her the “chocolate Cover Blonde”) they have promised a long engagement at least till he finishes college. I will let you know what happens
Your friend
Capt Bill
dude! good show! ha ha ha
me? i love my gun and have a permit to carry it concealed. but i never shot clay pigeons… tweed indeed! what a witch! you brits are so funny!
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
I’ve never been skeet shooting but I remember when I was a just a kid gathering intact clay pigeons with my siblings (after the shooting session was finished and the launcher was closed down) …..ones that were missed and which soft-landed without breaking….not sure why we did it….something to preoccupy our time whilst the adults and sportsman enjoyed their camaraderie shooting the poo after they had their fill of the clay pigeons. Roaming the fields and nearby woods was a cool adventure.
I have however been target shooting…. at a range with a pistol…. Firing rounds at a paper cutout of ….a silhouette of person…how interesting…..I was told I was a pretty good shot …..in the unlikely event I would ever fire one outside of a shooting range….
Big Ed….. “the poo in the field that day wasn’t from a cow or a horse but a BIG EDaphant” ….Not at all a funny situation….but ROFL
Mark
The Dutch Marksman
John,
Wonderful to hear that you and Heidi enjoyed your vacation.
You likely would enjoy skeet or trap shooting as a hobby. It is a very introspective, personally challenging hobby – much like golf. While you generally shoot with a squad, it is an individual activity where your successes and failures are your own.
I had the good fortune to be taught by a very patient Olympic shooter. In a season, he would hit 98.5% out of 12,000 rounds (and this was long after the Olympics!). But he was willing to take the time to bring someone into the sport.
All the best. Enjoy Sex and the City!
John
Hiya John,
What did you and Heidi think of Ironman? My husband James and I went and saw it last weekend. And even though I thought it was a ‘boy’ movie, I thought it was wicked!! I loved it!! (I’m going to make him go see the Sex in the City movie as well!)
Chris
HI John/Heidi:
It is so hard to imagine all the heartache in Myanmaar. I can’t believe that this could happen. What a tragedy.
I really enjoyed your blog today. Reading your story about skeetshooting made me think of all the cruises that used to offer this hobby. To think how many bullet cases are floating around in the water still.
Bubba’s pictures from Hawaii are absolutely gorgeous. Makes me wish i was there right now.
Thanks for another great blog today.
David
Dear John and Heidi
Sounds like you are having a wonderful time
guns scare me to death, my ex had them in the house and I always made sure they were kept away from the boys, he would go the country to shoot at tin cans, I tried once and i like heidi hit one was satisfied and could have cared less if i ever did it again., Love you tid bits of nostalgia along with Bubba’s Hawaiian islands blogging. It is simply amazing you go on holiday and still keep us in the loop with these lenghy blogs with help from your friends, its a wonder your not in the dog haus..
Take Care
Lie Low from the upper crustsnobs
The Tuckers
Elizabeth & the retired Navy Guy
John, I fear that the Burmese are reluctant to allow aid workers in as the true story of Burma will be revealed. I believe the true tragedy isn’t the result of an act of God but an act of man… Lift the veil draped over Burma and see the real horror.
Congrats on your shooting prowess. I love to go target shooting myself. However, I do own several, well… many, guns.
At some point in the not to distant future we’ll have to take some time to smoke a good cigar together as well.
All my best to the wonderful Blogging team!
GregB
John:
As you embark on the Splendor, we will be taking our 18th Cruise with Carnival, this time the Carnival Valor, June 1st. out of Miami. This is our 21st cruise overall and as I look back fondly to our first I realize why we got hooked on Carnival. Whom do you suppose was our CD on the Ecstacy in June of 1992???? A slendor, energetic Brit named John. What a cruise that was. We also experienced your CD-ness on several other cruises since then….always a blast.
You must realize that being retired Navy with 23 Years, much of that at sea, I really wasn’t fond of setting out to sea again. Well, my beautiful Bride Patti convinced me to try it once, and if I didn’t like it, we didn’t have to go again. Well, I’m glad she convinced me to go, and here we are 21 later.
Now in all these 18 Carnival cruises the only thing we have not experienced is the “treasured 14K Gold Plastic Ship on a Stick” My wife won $1,000 at Bingo once and I thought she would get one for that, but it didn’t happen. I wonder if you could help me surprise her with one during our upcoming Valor cruise….afterall, she is the one who hooked me on Carnival Cruising….she is deserving….
If not, I understand, and I know you are on vacation, so enjoy. Looking forward to cruising with you again in the future.
Regards,
Tim
Ed, You are too funny.
Cindy Bruce
Mr. Heald -
I represent PETCP, People for the Ethical Treatment of Clay Pigeons. Do you not understand that your activities are decreasing substantially the world’s population of clay pigeons? Have you no ethics, sir?
Despite my advice that you leave all electronic communication devices at home, I am enjoying your blogs from the countryside. So glad that Heidi is enjoying her time.
As for your time with the Colonel – good for you, both for having the Monte Cristos available and for taking the time to give a real hero a chance to unwind. Last year, at a convention, I met several of these heroes, two of whom I remain in conversation with via email. One is now in Belgium and the other, a former Hospital Corpsman who was also a Navy Seal (doesn’t that seem a bit contradictory?).
Speak with you soon.
Jon
Poor Myanmaar. Of course, I can’t help but think of Katrina, when our own government turned away offers of aid from other countries while it dithered and did nothing. I particularly remember the turning aside of offers of engineering help from the Netherlands. I am proud of my Dutch heritage and that really griped me as no one knows more about protecting low lands from the sea than the Dutch (right, Heidi?).
On to the incomparable Isaac Hayes. He often performs at the annual Blues Ball in Memphis, and at least attends if he doesn’t perform. Lately he’s been wearing a white lace (honest)loose dashikie-type thing every year. He is absolutely wonderful to everyone who talks to him. Instead of hiding out in the VIP area, he’ll walk through the crowd and pose for as many photos/autographs/hugs as you wish.
Maybe it takes a star who has had ups and downs (like Isaac) to really get what fans mean to your career. At one time he went bankrupt, but has come back strong. Mr. Hayes is an important part of Memphis’ musical past,present, and future.
Forgive me if I’m being too literal minded, but are you sure it’s the same pigeon who is waking you up and dive bombing your car? In any case, may I reccomend a sling shot. I would guess they would be legal in the UK. With practice, you might eventually scare it away before getting close enough to kill it.
I thought the Dick Cheney joke was funny.