Thursday, May 15th, 2008...1:40 pm
A Feeling Old Blog
There are many signs of middle age: large tufts of hair growing out of your ears, a waistband that seems to grow each night regardless if all you have had to eat is a carrot, and an increasing bewilderment to the strange noises that younger people call “music.”
This morning however I realised without doubt that I am really old because I looked out of the window and heard my self say: “Ooh good, it’s raining.” This means you are more interested in your plants looking good than getting a tan and looking like George Hamilton yourself.
Yes, I have a confession to make…………..I have been helping Heidi in the garden…………..I am ashamed ……………….My name is John and I am a gardener.
For 42 years I have managed to avoid anything green, both in the garden and on my dinner plate,but now for some strange reason I find myself caring if the tulips live or die.
Mainly this is because I’ve never really had a garden in the accepted sense of the word. When I lived at home my Dad who is a brilliant gardener gave us a gorgeous English country garden. However, I could not have cared less……………..and unless Dad began to grow trees from which Twix Bars grew………..I was never going to care.
Now, however, with a veritable forest growing out of my ears, I have become interested in maybe growing orchids and a small decorative hedge in there.
Heidi has always loved flowers and all things living in a garden since she was young. Me on the other hand………well…………..the only things I liked in the garden were things that could be burnt to death using the sun and an old magnifying glass.
A few weeks ago however as she was puttering around in the garden and I was bored…………went out to see her…………..and she asked me to help plant some bulbs…………and suddenly and without warning…………they became my bulbs…………it was my patch of the garden. Each night I would stand watering the things and even woke up one night because I thought I heard a fox in the garden and was ready to attack it with my cricket bat in case it was digging up my beloved tulips and my iris plant.
I have also found myself reading the gardening section of the Sunday newspaper which before my new found interest would only get used if we ran out of toilet paper.
For instance, this last Sunday I read about the olive trees of southern Italy. In the war so many were chopped down for firewood that the government imposed a ban, saying they could not be uprooted without permission from Mussolini.
Apparently though everyone in the UK wants an olive tree, and people here are paying up to £3,500 for a “gnarled designer” tree to enliven their Munich roof terrace.
What’s the point of paying £3,500 for something that I guarantee will be dead within six months? This is the one thing I’ve learnt during my short spell as a gardener: everything dies. Two weeks ago Heidi spent £100 on a selection of plants to make the barn look “summery.”
Before we went on holiday we gave them a good watering and went on our three day break safe in the knowledge that they would not go thirsty.
We came home three days later and it looked as if the Royal Air Force had been through the place with some Agent Orange and napalm. “You should have left the windows open,” said Heidi as she mourned the loss of her beloved thingies. So you leave the windows open, which means your plants survive, but, sadly, your DVD player and plasma screen do not. because someone with a hoodie and baggy pants will walk in and help themselves……….the neighbours will not be able to give a description of the bugger that robbed your house except that he was wearing Calvin Klein underwear………………………I hate those baggy pants.
We also bought some plants with red flowers (can’t remember the name) which stood tall and so erect that they seemed to have been fertilised with Viagra. However, after one day in the sunshine they had keeled over and nothing I have tried will make them stand up again. I’ve watered them, not watered them, read them poetry, played them Mariah Carey records and shown them pictures of Uma Thurman naked…………..but nothing happens……………..except I feel sad……………………and because I now like gardening……….I feel old and realise I am just a few years away from watching the Weather Channel all day……………………..that’s MTV for old people.
I am writing this blog thingy today at 11:00am. In an hour or so I will drive Heidi to the airport where she will fly to Holland for a last visit with her Mum before we return to work. She will return on Tuesday.
Today is her Dad’s birthday so she is a little sad as am I. We both miss him very very much. When I first met Heidi’s Dad it was his birthday as well so this day is something I will always remember.
I had been dating Heidi for a month or so and had flown to Holland to meet the parents. This as we all know is a nervous time for everyone and brown pants were the order of the day. However, I had nothing to be nervous about as Joop and I became great friends who shared a love of football, cigars and of course Heidi……………as I said…………..we all miss him very much.
The last few days have been very busy in fact I feel like I have worked harder on vacation that when I am on the ship. Still, I have some great interviews coming your way next week. These include three Captains, a Hotel Director and one of the most famous celebrity chef’s in the world. Towards the end of next week we will also have an exclusive interview with the interior designer of the Carnival Splendor, the incomparable Joe Farcus…………….so please…………..keep reading.
Talking of the Carnival Splendor I am heading to Heathrow airport next week with the agent we will be using for transfers to and from the ship. We will look at how we will meet and greet guests and what will happen with their luggage. We will also be setting this up for Gatwick airport as well. Then it will be off to the port of Dover to get things ready for the arrival of the splendiderous (I know that’s not a real word) Carnival Splendor.
So, I feel old today and hopefully my pending mega diet will breathe new life into me. However there is no escaping getting old. It seems just yesterday that I was enjoying these English early summer days at school. I was sitting in the back of the class ignoring what Mrs. Poole my math teacher was saying and looking forward to my English lesson with Miss Gregson ………….not because I liked English but because she looked like Bo Derek.
I remember spending those long, warm evenings listening to those long, warm songs on Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon album.
One of the tracks seemed to suggest that time passed quickly and that unless I got out of my chair, took off my Akai headphones and did something with my life, 10 years would flash past and I’d still be “kicking around on a piece of ground in my home town, waiting for someone or something to show me the way-e-yay.”
No it wouldn’t…………….I would be young forever.
However, when you get to 40, everything changes. Time straps a F16 jet engine onto its back, lights the afterburners and sets off at mach 3.
This was hammered home last night when Heidi insisted that I had been working all day and she hadn’t seen me and that we were going to get in the car and drive over to have a drink with Alan and his wife Alison at a nearby country pub.
Alan and I used to go there a lot, in the late ‘80s, which, we both agreed, seemed like only yesterday. That’s strange, isn’t it? No one ever says when they’re 18: “It only seems like yesterday that I was 8.”
When I was 20, Alan, Paul, Timmy and Carl and I went to this pub every Friday night and every Sunday lunchtime. Nothing ever happened. Nothing ever changed. But then, all hell broke loose. One of us moved to Australia, I went to live on a ship, one had major surgery, and one got divorced and now lives with his “partner” Greg in California.
A few years ago we all had a reunion there. When we were young we left because we had run out of money or when we had exhausted the possibility of meeting any women………..Paul never tried as hard as the rest of us and considering he now lives with a man called Greg I understand why. We would all leave drunk and happy and if we were in bed at 3:00am it would be considered an early night.
Well, we organized a reunion in 2003 and we all met at our favorite pub…………….except we all left at 11:00pm because………………we were all tired………………..how sad is that.
In the olden days you got married in your teens, had children in your twenties, made a few dollars in your thirties, enjoyed it in your forties and fifties and then retired in your sixties.
Now, you do nothing in your teens, nothing in your twenties and by the time you’re 40 you’re on the employment scrapheap, an overweight gardening expert with three chins and man-breasts.
Cheers
Your old mate John and the ever green Heidi
31 Comments
May 15th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
John,
You will find that gardening is so rewarding most of the time. I love to plant bulbs in the winter only to have them raise their heads in the spring! It will be difficult for you and Heidi though, as you are only home for a short period of time. When you come back home again, unless you have a gardner, there will be weeds where you thought there should be flowers.
Heidi, enjoy your visit with your mum. I swear you two must have enough ski miles that you could go anywhere in the world, if only you had the time!
Sheryl
May 15th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
John, when you go on the Splendor who is going to water your tulips and other plants? I know you don’t have to answer. It will be your poor ole Dad. With as little time you spend home you better plant artificial flowers you can’t kill them somebody else already did.
Tell Heidi to have a safe trip and a nice visit with her Mum.
BIG ED
Greenthumbless in Michigan
May 15th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Come on John! Mrs Poole was your ‘MATHS’ teacher , when did an Essex boy use the word MATH? unless you went to KEGS of course!
May 15th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Ah John,
Welcome to the midlife crisis. I had one a couple of months ago, it only lasted about 20 minutes. I was about to turn 39 (okay, I totally typed 29 first. Wishful thinking!) and realized that my latest crush was only 24 years old. That’s a 15 year difference!
After being really freaked out for about 20 minutes, I realized it’s all okay because I act like I’m 16 most of the time and that averages out to a nice 22.5 year old. LOL!
Oh, being in the same boat as you, about 60 pounds overweight, type 2 diabetic (of my own doing), I’m thinking I might join you on your quest. 60 pounds by January 1, 2009. Nothing helps a diet like knowing others are suffering with you! LOL! And I’ll kick in $2 for every pound you lose plus $3 for every pound I lose to your hospital donation.
It would be nice to hit 40 and be a lean mean piano riding machine! LOL!
I guess I better start hitting the hiking trails this summer!
I’m off to the House of Mouse for a Girls’ Weekend! So the diet starts, Mond… no wait… Tues… no wait… the diet starts soon!
Cheerios,
Laura (aka divetrash, aka Princess Laura, the sweet and motivated of Big Ed’s Evil Krewe
May 15th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
John… my flight surgeon always told me ‘any day above ground is a good day’ and I adhere to that. Getting older beats the alternative.
I, too, grew up with a group of friends who were inseparable. We did the same things as you and your mates. We would all get together or meet at a local bar. Drink beer, play pool, talk to the assembled hotties… that was our night. Now, one is a potter, one is an attorney, one manages a state park and me… well… I do as little as possible…
I am THRILLED about the upcoming interview with Joe Farcus! So many people think that Carnival ships are over done. I find them impressive collections wound around a theme. No one does this better than the amazing Mr. Farcus. I spend hours exploring, making mental notes, snapping pictures, and loosing myself, mentally, in the interiors of Carnival ships. Regardless of what anyone else says, I think Joe Farcus is a genius.
Here’s hoping Heidi has another wonderful visit with her mom and that you don’t miss her too much.
Are you anxious to get back on a ship? I surely am.
All the best to Heidi and the Marvelous Master (mistress???) of the Blog - Stephanie!!!
Cheers!!!
GregB
May 15th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I always hated gardening because my mother told me I “had” to help. Now after 10 years of renting apartments I finally got a house. And guess what? I enjoy gardening :o)
Hugs to Heidi and her Mum! O.K. and to you, John, too :o)
May 15th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Hi John & Heidi,
First - the word is “Splendiferous”.
I think it’s great that you’re gardening. But like Big Ed said, who’s going to take care of the plants while you’re on the Splendor?
I love plants, but having lived in apartments all my life, never had a real garden. My mother always had lots of house plants, and I did too for a while until my favorite, huge, asparagus fern developed aphids. I was heartbroken when I had to get rid of it - no remedies worked. From then on, it was silk plants & flowers for me. I don’t have to water them and now that I have cats, I don’t have to worry that they’re poisonous.
Anyway, I hope Heidi has a good trip to see her Mum. I will be looking forward to those interviews, especially with Joe Farkus.
And as for getting older - I don’t feel 20 years older than when I took my first cruise, except when my knees hurt, and my back, and I see a few more gray hairs. But I feel young, and that’s what is important.
So have a good night,
Carol
May 15th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
dude!
i’m with gregb! i think joe farcus is a genius too! at first i didn’t “get” it, but slowly over many cruises i have come to love his style… looking forward to that interview!
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
May 15th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Hi John/Heidi:
Great stories down memory lane today. I’m the same way and once 10pm rolls around, i’m exhausted. I can’t imagine what life is like at 3am since all i see is blackness (from the back of my eyelids).
I’m curious if you’ll be able to take your green (or black) thumb with you on the Splendor. Maybe setup a nice little garden on the balcony or deck 2?
Great hearing from you.
Thanks for another wonderful blog!
David
May 15th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Yes John, as someone else wisely pointed out, don’t be too depressed over growing old as the alternative is h-ll! Also gardening is good for the soul. Watching things grow and flourish is one of god’s gift to us, be it a child or a simple plant. Given enough love and water your plants will reward you three fold. It takes lots of nurturing patience to grow a beautiful garden and many lessons can be learned along the way. And, in the end it has nothing to do with age.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Good Afternoon John,
You think you feel and act old at 40!!!! Just wait my friend, mach 3 will go to the speed of light by the time you reach 60. But that’s OK because when you’re 60+ you can jam a lot of living in and really enjoy yourself watching all the “kids” who think they are 10 feet tall and bullet proof with infinity out there waiting for them.
I can understand how you feel about your tulips. It’s amazing how they come to own you. Each spring I have to go check that my “babies” are coming up through the snow. That’s about the only time in the winter I will venture out for any length of time. If you ever have the chance, oh never mind, I was going to tell you to visit Holland Michigan for the tulip festival the first weekend in May. Silly me why would you want to do that when you can go to the real Holland, my bad ;D
Take care
Joan
May 15th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
John - Being closer to 50 than 40 at this point, I understand your thoughts on getting older. My oldest son (17 next month - how did that happen?) listens to what both you and I would term “noise.” I can’t stand it. About 2 months ago, I was listening to a classic rock radio station and he came into the room and said “Isn’t that Pink Floyd?” I thought to myself, “Wow - a bonding moment!” and said “Yeah - how did you know?” “Oh, Korn did a remake of that song. It sounds better than Pink Floyd’s version.” So much for bonding over music. (I got back at him once, though - he left his I-pod lying around and I downloaded a Barry Manilow album to it!)
May 15th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
You know what they say John, you are as old as you feel! So, how old does that make you? I turned 60 this year and dreaded it, but you know what when I woke up that morning I told my husband I feel just the same as I did yesterday at 59! Some days are good, others lousy, but that is life, so enjoy every minute of it! Yes, I want to know too, who is gonna water the flowers when you go back to work? See you on the Splendor in November! Linda & Mike (my handyman)
May 15th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
John, I’m glad you have learned to enjoy gardening, I too love to plant flowers and veggies and watch them grow. That is what Don and I have been doing, BUT I am now down in my back from bending over planting my flowers. Now I know you won’t have to worry about the physical ailments that us older people suffer from doing things like that. Don and I are old enough to be your parents. In fact we both have a daughter and son your age. So I must agree with Greg B “any day above ground is a good day.”….
I hope Heidi and her Mom can be of comfort to each other. The pain of losing a loved one is hard to overcome. Hugs to both of them and you to John.
Hi to your Mum and Dad, John,
Also sorry to her about Suze’s accident
Carolyn
May 15th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
John;
You are not helping! Im turning 43 next week and I can relate to what you are feeling.I remember those times. Now, I can go to sleep at 9:00 easily.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Oh, John,
You’re much too young to be depressed about the passage of time. I have daughters older than you, but I don’t feel old enough to be their mom. It’s all about attitude. You still have to be a Dad, remember, so you’ll need to be around into your 80’s to see your grandchildren graduate from high school and college. Now that’ll keep you young!
Get busy with the diet and Mr. Smiley Stick and you’ll feel much better.
Heidi, enjoy visiting with your Mom and bring John back something to plant in the garden. (Or not…I guess they wouldn’t let you transport “foliage” from one country to another, eh?)
Cheerio to you both,
Myra
May 15th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
John -
Why not get Joe Fargas to design you (and Heidi) a little garden patch on one of the (upper) decks of the Splendor? Think about it - grow fresh vegetables to decrease the food costs on the ship. A source of classes - gardening with John and Heidi.
Plenty of possibilities.
Jon
May 15th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
The big 40 is quickly approaching….sad but true…
I have never enjoyed gardening . My dad always plants a HUGE garden complete with sweet corn, tomatoes, green peppers, strawberries, raspberries, grapes, watermelon, pumpkins, cucumbers, carrots radishes, lettuce, cabbage ….as well as a variety of flowers around the yard I loathed being forced to help weed and pick all the stuffs ….. the only “gardening “ I halfway like to do is mowing the lawn (melting an iceberg in the process and thus contributing to my carbon footprint)….the plant thing is much too messy.
Can’t wait for the interview with Mr. Carnival…. designer extraordinaire…. Joe Farcus .
May 15th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Good evening Mr. Heald & Heidi. I’m very proud to say that I’m the one that deals with all the plowers that we have around our home. I have pots in front of the garage ( 3 pots of many different flowers but most important the colour red, I love the colour red. ), In the ground I have 6 hoscus and in the back on the deck many pots of different type of flowers. I don’t consider this work hard, but enjoyable work and I don’t think I’m that old, but a young 58. Heidi you put some photos in the blog to show us your love of flowers. Are you getting excited to get back to work on the new ship the Splendor? When will we find out about the Godmother for the ship? I told my wife that I’m planning on losing weight and I explained how I plan on doing it. She ask me how did I deccide on doing it now when she had hoped I would some day. I told her about your blog and your plan of losing weight. I thought if you could do it, so could I. She could just kiss you because now someone finally got me to make up my mind. If we ever meet Mr. Heald, it won’t be shaking your first, no, you’ll probably get a big kiss first before I shake your hand. Would you mind that? You should do a video about all the great things about this knew ship, the Splendor. I always enjoy the colour schemes that they arrange for the ships. Well enjoy your few day of vacation. Ciao my friend.
Paul F. Pietrangelo
May 15th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Glad to find you. We went on our first cruise last September with you around Italy. We are now booked on the Splendor July 13, 2008. Hope to see ‘less’ of you!
We are in room 1063, stop by for a drink and a view!
May 15th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
You needed glasses - Miss Gregson looked more like Bo Didley than Bo Derek
May 16th, 2008 at 12:12 am
John finding your blog catapultated me down memory lane. I was born and raised in the UK(have lived in the US for many years). In the late fifties early sixties ( and you feel old) Mum & Dad would bring us to Southend on Sea for our annual summer holiday. Happy memories of days gone by.
I was part of those olden days LOL.
Heidi you have a wondeful visit with your Mum.
What a great deal the blog thingy is for me. I have been drawn just a bit closer to my homeland, and at the same time have a good laugh.
Thanks John.
Mar & Steve
May 16th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Hi John,
Let’s see, I can’t seem to be able to keep any kind of flowers alive; but boy I sure can grow weeds. I even can grow grass really tall. It seems like our grass always needs mowed. I know what it is…I work to hard to get the flowers to grow. The only thing I can really grow is my strawberry patch. But it is kinda hard to kill strawberry plants; I have even mowed them over and the grow back.
Try not to miss Hedi too much. Have a safe trip Hedi, and we will keep John in line….LOL.
Princess Susan
May 16th, 2008 at 1:20 am
John…
No, you’re not getting old… you’re growing to appreciate more!
You do lead a FULL life and we enjoy being there in your pocket, or on your shoulder, experiencing it with you!! You give us lots to enjoy, experience and appreciate!! I, one of many, thank you!!
I hope Heidi enjoys her visit, and you keep the garden growing while she’s gone… We look forward to your interveiws and insights.
Regards,
Lambie
May 16th, 2008 at 2:51 am
John,
What’s up Big Mate? Some cool interviews coming up. I am not too excited about the Joe Farcus one though. Just from my own personal opinion I think he is making the ships a bit too tacky. Good luck with your gardening, I have given up on it entirely and resorted to buying my produce at Jewel.
_BigMike
Chief Blog Security
May 16th, 2008 at 6:44 am
::look of shock::
You mean being over 40 is old????? YIKES!
Hugs to Heidi…Glad to see you gardening. I have a brown thumb…even my silk plants are turning brown and dropping their leaves…LOL
May 16th, 2008 at 7:10 am
Gardening is a fun pasttime, sadly I only have a small patch at home.
May 16th, 2008 at 8:48 am
John and Heidi,
Thanks for the new term. In fifty-eight days we will be on the Splendifierous Splendor! I can hardly wait. Hope your bulbs are doing well, John. I am going home this afternoon to plant some flowers in my flower bed.
Ruth
May 16th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Gardening….hmmmm. My husband isn’t much for gardening. I on the other hand love it. It is a stress-reliever for me. Pulling weeds, works wonders. I imagine someone’s head….oh, sorry. Any way…my husband may not have an interest in the flower garden….but just the mention of a flowering tree or shrub…WOW! He loves them. He planted a flowering cherry tree in the back yard last weekend - MAJOR project; took him ALL day. Gotta mix the potting soil with the peat moss. Dig the hole, mix that dirt in with the other mixture. he is such a perfectionist…. But the trees he plants do thrive and are beautiful in the Spring!!! So, I guess when you hit middle-age you need something to look forward to….planting trees, shrub and flowers - and then drinking to celebrate. Oh…and then off to bed by 11:00 because you are exhausted and every muscle in your body aches.
Lori
May 16th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Lori, I know what you mean muscle aches, mine do too, but lets not get John so scared of gardening that he quits. But then I’m older than both of you, I’m older than the dirt I’m planting the flowers and veggies in….. well maybe not AS old, but I sure feel like it.
Aren’t we Princesses this weekend, Princess Lori?
Princess Carolyn of the Order of the Evil Krewe
May 16th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Suzanne,
I doubt John needed glasses. It’s just that men are much less discerning when it comes to a woman’s looks than are other women. We’re much more critical of each other than any man will ever be (unless he’s a pyschopath who just hates women). Of course John did, in the long run, realize true beauty when he saw it in the person of the lovely Heidi. Or maybe he just got lucky.
Someone up the comment line mentioned you had an injury. Did I miss something somewhere, or is this info received from another source? Hope you’re okay whatever happened.
Best Wishes,
Myra
Leave a Reply