So there I was happily munching away on a piece of mozzarella, life was good, the soft cheese blended well with the gorgeous little cherry tomatoes and I had a great view of a gorgeous supermodel type who had more plastic than 15 boxes of Tic Tacs and had forgotten to put her skirt on.
Her husband was no help as he was obviously short sighted as he had a watch the size of Big Ben on his wrist ……anyway, I was having a great time when suddenly someone called me fat!
I looked to my left at Jen my mates beautiful girlfriend……I had only met her once before but there I was being told “John, you’re fat”………I was shocked and had to stop myself from inserting a cherry tomato up her nose………however I am glad I didn’t because Jen obviously saw the look of horror on my face and immediately apologized and explained as follows.
Apparently the word fat means that you are “good or great” and is spelled “phat” …….and is part of a new urban English that is more difficult to understand than Mandarin Chinese, Swahili or
Lets start with Phat which Jen and Butch (his nickname) explained was a very complimentary word.
So, I could say “Dwyane Wade……he is a Phat basketball player”
……..or ….”P Daddy’s music is Phat”…….or……”My wife has a Phat bottom”……..ok, maybe not that one……..anyway, you get the idea.
So, following on from that I wanted to learn more so I asked Jen and Butchy to tell me more…….here is what I learned.
Dirty…………..calling someone dirty used to mean that they were unwashed, smelled of rotten fish and had never had a serious relationship with a bar of soap…..usually the word would be used as follows “Jean Pierre, you and your brother Claude are dirty.”
Not anymore, the word dirty now means something similar to Phat……you could say “Dwyane Wade is a Phat basketball player” and someone would reply….”Yea, he’s dirty.”
Or
“P Daddy’s music is Phat”……and the correct reply is apparently “Yea, he’s dirty my dog.”
Or
“My wife’s. Bottom is Phat” and the reply is “Yea, in those jeans she looks dirty”………ok, maybe not that one but you get my drift.
Finally, there is the word Cougar which used to be a sleek and toned wild cat built for speed and being known as a ferocious hunter.
However, this poor creature’s name is now used for something very different yet something similar as well.
If you go to a bar or club full of dirty and phat young people and amongst them all you see an older lady sitting on a bar stool doing her Sharon Stone impression when she crosses her legs ……this is a cougar……..and although not built for speed anymore she is certainly still a hunter.
If like me you still are gobsmacked by this new street language then Jen and Butchskins told me of a wondrous place where we can learn this new language of the streets and hang with the house boys…..or is it home boys……….anyway check out www.urbandictionary.com and hopefully if you have kids this tool will enable you to understand what the hell they are saying.
Outside of learning a new language I also enjoyed a fantastic meal at Villa Verde. The place was very busy yet the service and the food were impeccable. We started with mozzarella, tomato and proscuito. Then came the best pizza bread you will ever taste and then just when you feel like your trousers will burst with such ferocity that it will take someone’s eye out along comes the fish…….let me tell you the fish did not die in vain……he or she was delicious.
Italy is an extraordinary place and one of the few places in the world where it’s normal to eat dinner as late as 11 pm and last night as we left at 11:10 pm people were still coming in to eat. We had a wonderful dinner with the Packers and the Bees and even though none of us are Italian it felt like we were a real Italian family sitting around the table enjoying Phat food, dirty conversation and watching a herd of Cougars on the hunt.
One last note. This morning while I was waiting for Adolfo to collect us from the cafe where we were waiting I received the call to duty and therefore another toilet warning for all you visitors to this beautiful isle.
The cafe Gallo D’Oro has wonderful coffee but for some reason they decided to build the toilet bowl 4 inches from the door. This is ok if you are a 7 or a pixie but I had no choice but to deposit 3 slices of proscuitto and a sea bass with the door half open and my legs sticking out……….You have been warned!
Now, as promised here is an interview with a very talented and some would say very handsome young Chef. As you will discover he has restaurants not only on land but also a very special relationship with Cunard.
Here then is award winning Chef Todd English.
1. Men like myself are scared of even entering a kitchen. I wonder if we could start by you telling our 2 million readers when and how your love of cooking and creating culinary masterpieces first began.
I started to fall in love with cooking in my mother’s kitchen when I was little. My mother and grandmother used to make huge Italian Sunday Suppers for the family that would be an all-day event. My mother also had a catering company and I would love to help her with that. Being in the kitchen reminds me of home and family.
2. Can you tell us about your early career and some of the trials and tribulations that got you to where you are today?
I first entered the doors of a professional kitchen when I was 15 where I worked odd jobs at a local restaurant. It taught me how to perform every task in the restaurant and it showed me how important every staff member is- no matter how big or small the job. I graduated from the Culinary Institute of America and trained with Jean Jacques Rachou at New York’s La Cote Basque. After that I went to Italy where I apprenticed at the Dal Pescatore in Canto Sull O’lio and Paraccuchi in Locando D’Angello. Both experiences really showed me the level of commitment needed to be successful in the restaurant industry.
3. Can you tell us about your land based restaurants?My land-based restaurants are all like children to me. Each one has its own personality, but you can tell they are all part of the same family. We keep the same qualities for each of them- this means the cuisine, atmosphere, service, and professionalism are all uniform. Also, there are hints of Mediterranean dishes at all of the restaurants- some more subtle than others. There are a few concepts we have now- Olives, Figs and Tuscany are all Mediterranean, Bonfire and Beso have South American and Spanish influences with a hint of Mediterranean, and the seafood concepts are Fish Club, Blue Zoo and Kingfish Hall.
4. I was lucky enough to dine in your restaurant aboard the Cunard ocean liner Queen Victoria and apart from my mum’s Spotted Dick, it was quite simply the best meal I have ever enjoyed. How did your relationship with Cunard start and did you have to change your style to allow for cooking, preparation and service while at sea?
The Todd English Restaurant on the Queen Mary II has a lot of the same Mediterranean flavors found in an Olives location. Something that we have to take into consideration with being on a cruise ship is finding out what fresh ingredients are available at each port and planning our menu to coincide with the food indigenous to each place.
5. When you create a new dish, how does this happen and who do you use to taste test these new dishes?I create new dishes by finding interesting ingredients in my travels and trying to put a different spin on traditional techniques. Who I use to taste test my food depends on where I am creating new dishes. If at home, it could be my children, or family or friends. In one of my restaurants, it could be my trusted culinary staff.
6. Can you tell us your current favourite top 3 appetisers, main courses and deserts from your land based and ocean based restaurants?
I love the tuna tartare in all of my restaurants. It is a great item that my guests also enjoy. I love the tortelli at Olives because that is my signature main dish and it reminds me of when I first started Olives. For dessert, it is hard to pick one favorite because all desserts are great.
7. You were once voted in the top 100 of America’s most handsome men. Now, considering most Chefs look like the have run a 100 yard sprint in a 90 yard gym and eaten all the pies, how is it that you according to my wife are so good looking, especially as you are surrounded by all that wonderful food?
I work out a lot and I run. It helps with the stress as much as it helps with staying in shape.
8. Do you cook at home and if so, do you have a simple recipe that we can all try?
I love to cook for friends and family. I love to do a quick Spaghetti with broccoli rabe tossed with garlic and pancetta.
9. The age of the Celebrity Chef is definitely here and thanks to people like yourself, cooking has become a passion for many people. Who are some of your favourite Chefs and do you swear as much as my mate Gordon Ramsey when a Sous Chef overcooks the salmon?
Some of my favorite chefs include Jasper White and Julia Child. I think that there is a lot of swearing that goes on in restaurant kitchens, but Gordon has made it an art.
10. Finally, if you were to cook for 6 well known people, could you tell us who they would be by filling in the blanks below?
– Someone from the world of politics.
– Someone from the cruise industry.
– Someone to make you laugh.
– Someone from the world of sports.
– Someone from history who you just want to cook for.
– Someone of great beauty.
I would invite Louis the 14th, Marie Antoinette, Thomas Jefferson and Angelina Jolie. Louis the 14th was influential in creating gourmet cuisine, Marie Antoinette was a very interesting woman, Thomas Jefferson was a great American, and Angelina Jolie is easy on the eyes. I would also invite Lance Armstrong because his athletic ability amazes me and Edie Bornstein from the cruise industry because she appreciates great food and great company.
Thank you Chef. I am sure many of you will now want to eat at one of his establishments and if you do please write and tell us what you chose from his brilliant menu………oh, mention my name and that you saw this interview on my blog and you will receive a free glass of………water.
This morning we woke to find our host Mrs. Totti had been working hard in the kitchen and prepared gorgeous scrambled eggs and fruit. I ignored the muffins that Mrs. T had baked earlier that morning as I continue to warm up for my diet.
Today we are going to Sorrento and then tomorrow onboard the AIDA ship for my first ever look at our German sister.
Here is an e mail I wanted to share with all of you……..its from a regular blog reader James Gundy and he has given permission for me to share this posting with all of you.
Hello John
I have never sent in a comment before but I have been a loyal fan since I discovered your hilarious blog in January and since then I have read every one you write.The laughs you bring me make my day easier.
On Monday June 2 I will have to stop reading as I start a 5 month tour of duty with the USN. I am a submariner and will only have periodic internet access.I will catch up when I can and have asked my wife to print each blog and mail them to me so I can read them. Please keep writing and when I return my wife and I will plan a cruise with you
As you would say, cheers
James Gundy
Ops Spec USN
James, I am sure we all join together in congratulating you on your proud service and wish you and the crew a safe deployment.
I know nothing about the submarine service except that it is I am sure one fraught with difficulties and tribulations. However, I think that if I was to join the armed services then it would be as a submariner. The infantry involves too much running around, lying in mud, pooing in a ditch and getting shot at while you are doing it. However, I can imagine myself as a Submarine Captain and if the world got a little too dangerous I could park the sub under a tropical island where it could not be seen by a satellite and spend the war drinking Mai Tai’s with my new girlfriend Moo Moo. Then, when the trouble was over I would sail home and say my sun tan was due to the reactor getting a little hot.
Of course, if I did join the submarine service it would be as an enlisted man and that means sharing a bunk with 3 other men and I haven’t done that since an experiment with my mates Tim and Carl when we were 14…………….kidding of course……………………..we were 23.
Seriously, I have always loved submarines and any movie that involves one is bound to be on my favorite list.
The Hunt for Red October
Das Boot
Crimson Tide
I love the sneakiness of a submarine. The fact that you can creep up on the target, blow it to kingdom come and sneak away just in time for tea and biscuits…………..and it’s a job you can do sitting down.
Mostly though my love of submarines came from seeing a clip on the news. It showed the submarine rising silently out of the water and suddenly there it was………..this incredible machine filled with brave men and women who were they, silent and waiting, ready to protect us all.
I feel very proud that you enjoy the blog mate and today this one is dedicated to you…………we salute you and thank you for keeping us safe as you run silent and run deep.
Goodnight
From your friends John, Heidi and Operations Specialist James Gundy USN
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
Very cool James Gundy, I hope you tell us all more about your stint when you return & thank you from Michigan for being so brave.
Love your blog, as always…just thinking about all that wonderful food in Italy makes me want to return. Looking forward to Aida.
Phat, dirty Jan
Here’s hoping that Spec Gundy gets to see this before his vessel sets sail. Thank you, and your wife, for your service and commitment to our Country.
It sounds like Italy continues to be a wonderful adventure. You have to promise that when you finally join the Splendor that you’ll bring along you thirty second video camera, or whatever that thingy is, and provide us with some video of Carnival’s latest and greatest!!
Thank you for the interview with Chef English! He really is a giant in the restaurant business. Good on him!!!
Congratulations on being phat and dirty. I don’t know how that makes you feel but I believe it would make me uncomfortable as I can not see how spoken words are spelled…
Howdies to Heidi!!!
Ciao!!!
GregB
thanks spec gundy! go navy! and john, before you set sail on a submarine, ask the spec. how big the bunks are and how close to the one above you, you might want to reconsider… just sayin’.
we are finally leaving for podink in five days. i am missing watching the leaves grow!
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
We salute you Spec Gundy, our son in law is in the Navy reserve and has done time on submarines.
Wish you the best on your deployment and look
forward to a post when you return.
Thank you John, great blog as usual
Papanh
Hi John and Heidi, How long until you will be aboard the Splendor? I’m looking forward to pictures and videos I can’t wait to see it for myself next November.
Well tomorrow is June 1st and the beginning of your diet as well as a lot of the Evil Krewe. If everyone, including you, are successful in losing the amount of weight that they are striving to lose, it would be the equivalent of the weight of 2 or 3 people. The last time I lost 50 pounds, she weighed 8 pounds and I named her Rhonda….. snicker. Yes I gained too much while pregnant, but lost it all in 2 months after giving birth.
Good luck we are right here rooting for you and wishing you success.
Carolyn
Hi John,
Ellen DeGeneres, one of my favorite talk show hosts, has a segment on her show called, “What the H#@@ Are These Kids Talking About?” She also explains some of the new lingo, accompanied by hilarious jokes and graphics. There’s some strange words and meanings out there…..especially in the music kids are listening to.
Glad you enjoyed your time in Italy. What a beautiful country.
Sheryl
Hey John,
Another good Sub movie is Down Periscope with Kelsey Grammer. Its a comedy, I think you might like. Have fun exploring the Sister company, just don’t let them kid nap you or make an offer to bring you over there. I for one would hate loose you to a sister company.
Capt Bill
To James Gundy,
God go with you and keep you safe in the palm of
His hands.
Please let us know when you get back stateside.
Our prayers go with you.
Don and Carolyn
John, good luck with the start of tomorrow, i will follow with you too…….
Spec Gundy,
Thank you for sharing your letter with us. And thank you and the many other men and women in service who are out there protecting our homeland here and abroad!
Hi John,
Sounds like you had a wonderful time in Capri and a wonderful dinner! But I think you better watch it when you refer to your wifes bottom as “phat”! You might find yourself in the Doghouse again! LOL
Enjoyed the interview with Todd English! Made me hungry and I just finished dinner. Love that wonderful Italian cuisine! Mmmm!
Princess Barb
Phat chance its English ..eh.. It is American as our 50 Stars are…
G.B.A.!
05/31/2008 A.D.
Good Evening John–
First off, I’d like to say good luck and safe travels to our friend Operations Specialist Gundy.
Secondly, I wanted to wish you good luck with the official start of your diet. I, too, along with some other from Big Ed’s Evil Crew are dieting with you. My goal is to lose 150 pounds. No set time limit for me for the final goal, but I would like to have lost 75 by the Bloggers Cruise in February–which, by the way, we are booking tomorrow.
See you soon!
–Adam
John,
What a wonderful thing to bring to our attention! Spec. Gundy, may you go with God on all your missions. May He always hold you in the palm of His hand. And to the Gundy family… God Bless you for your sacrifice in supporting this country.
Thank you to all our troops, at home and abroad!! I have many friends leaving in less than two weeks… I will miss them all and thank heavens for technology… For being able to stay in daily contact!!!
John… the interview with Chef English… YUMMY!!! Mmmmmmm!!
As for the urban dictionary… Thanks, I guess!?
I hope you stay phat and get skinny!!!
Lambie
If Heidi asks if a certain outfit makes her look (fat, phat), you should word your non-answer very carefully!
Hopefully there will be some late night eating establishments in Genoa. It may be 10 or 11pm before I have time for dinner.
Please post on your favorites – with pictures, of course!
John,
. I know Swedish fish maybe a few hundred pounds will win her over to my team and off team Todd. Once again have a great time in Italy and I look forward to more blogs.
Well once again great interview, Todd is a true master and business man who deserves all he gets. I think I need to open a signature place on a carnival ship maybe the Splendor, I’ll shoot Mickey a email about it. Yes Phat is about as cool as it use to get back in the 90′s here in the states now were back to yo!! and brother!! even women are calling each other brother here talk about gender identification problems. Any way hope you both are enjoying Italy as much as you can before work begins. So in a few hours the great weeds and seeds diet event starts for many of us you included so what is your plan? Best to Heidi, who I hope has dreams about me tonight and not Todd, or maybe I’ll just have a dream about both of them and show them.
Kevin
Well John: Yesterday was your last meal of phat food, as today is June 1st, the start of your diet. What a way to start a new diet, in Italy! Good Luck! I haven’t gotten a reply to my email to PLEASE ANSWER THIS, about our Splendor cruise of Nov. 21st, whether you will still be onboard as the CD, please reply! (Stephanie, please get us an answer ok?) Happy Sunday! Linda & Mike
Hello John & Heidi,
This is my first post to your blog. I read it daily and love it. It makes both our day as I must read it to my wife:)
Starting today (June 1st) , I too will embark on a weight loss oddessy. I will admit that I must lose much more than you will but at least I will know that I am not doing this alone. Thanks for the inspiration.
We doing our 7th Carnival cruiseon the Ecstasy on July 3rd. I know it will be nearly impossible to be good with all the fantastic food but I will try.
I do have a question for you John. We are celebrating our 28th anniversary on this cruise. Is there someone I can call to make this a very special cruise for my wife? I have run out of ideas.
Again thanks for the inspiration and keep up the good work. Enjoy Italy.
Ciao,
Dennis
Thank you to James Gundy for volunteering to do his part for the U.S. I’m from a family with a long history of military service on both the maternal and paternal sides, and having grown up an “Army Brat,” I can understand the challenges James’ family faces. Again, thank you for your service!
Now, as far as ‘phat’ and ‘dirty,’ your friends need to catch up. Those words are about 10 minutes ago in urban slang. And meaning no offense to any and all sundry, but it’s a pretty good indicator that when middle-/upper-class white folk start using the words in conversation, the word is now no longer “urban.” As for ‘cougar,’ that word is definitely not from the urban lingo, but from middle-class white kids… along with phrases like “MiLF”… and comes from various movies and TV shows feature ‘over-enthusiastic’ teens and twenty-somethings and their penchant for trying to arrange the horizontal mambo.
But it’s nice to see the English language is not going the way of Latin, constantly evolving and growing.
Hi John, How’s things. Great Blog. I’ve been keeping up to date with things. I had a great first show back on board the Freedom. Todd the CD made me feel very welcome, almost as much as you did. I’ve sent you a couple of emails over the winter (with NO REPLY) I understand how busy you are but now I have a something to ask you and have put it into a personal email (to your Carnival address). I hope you get it and I hope you’ll be able to find the time to reply.
I miss you guys….
See you in a few week buddy.
Jamie Frasier
Another phat blog entry!
June 1 I will join you in your quest to regain that once svelte figure.
Good luck to all of us on this journey.
OPS SPEC GUNDY
Godspeed and thanks for what you are doing for our country!
Wonderful blog John. As the mother of 14 and 20 year old boys, I am very familiar with the urban dictionary…you can only Rickroll me once!
Your interview with Todd English was great…Olives is one of my absolute fav’s here in Boston.
Hope we will be seeing more pics of the Splendor soon…have a wonderful day.
Dawn
hi john, my wife and i were on the freedom with you in march. you are “THE BEST” cruise director we’ve had. i’m not sure if this will get to you or not but we didn’t know how to email you. are you going to be on the splendor jan. 10-17? after hearing about “dick little” and the other funny stories, our family wants to cruise with you. thanks for our best cruise ever! dan and pam
Spec. James Gundy,
God be with you in your tour of duty and your family as well. THANK-YOU and all the other service men & women who keep us safe. Please let us hear from you when you can. Perhaps your wife could let us know you are safe. Take care and God Bless you!!
John, the interview with Todd English was great made me hungry for the Italian cuisine. Italy must be beautiful. Your blog is the highlight of my day, never miss one.
I am 61 and take care of my grandchildren, twin girls 14 mo. old, a four year old and his 8 year old brother. I don’t get much spare time but they are the love of my life.
Took my first cruise in Feb, on the Freedom. Everything was fantastic thanks to you. You are truly special God Bless you & Heidi!!
Kathy
James Gundy–We thank you and all your other servicemen who have the courage to represent our country’s best. Good luck to you on your deployment. My dad was a WWII Artillery Instructor with the Army Air Force, and I proudly display his memorabilia in my home.
John–one more day to the diet–Good Luck!
John, congratulations on the twins. To bad there not yours. Brad might put up a fight to keep them.
We starting to hold our breath. It’s getting awful close to the big day and we still don’t know who the Godmother is going to be for the SPLENDOR. Pat said she just might fly to be the Godmother, LOL.
BIG ED
Hi, John and Heidi,
Glad you enjoyed your meal. I took Scott to “Emeril’s” here in Orlando for his (Scott’s) birthday Friday night and am sorry to say that I was not overly impressed with the food. There were some high points…the andouile (?) sausage appetizer, strawberry shortcake and creme broulee…but the entrees were just okay. I was disappointed because there’s so much hype about his restaurants. I would go there again, though, and try something different as it may have just been poor choices on our part. Must add the service was wonderful…never needed anything that didn’t immediately appear. Must look for a Todd English restaurant (are there any in Florida?).
We also went to see The Blue Man Group for the first time and it was a great show. If you’ve never seen it, put it on your list of things to do some day.
Looking forward to Splendorous Blogs!
___________________________________
Ops. Specialist Gundy,
Thanks for what you’re doing. If not for you and your brothers and sisters in arms we’d be in a world of hurt! Go Navy! Beat Army! My husband is a graduate of the USNA and served with the Marines in Viet Nam. God speed to you, James.
___________________________________
Cherio John and Heidi,
Your Pal,
Myra
To Spec Gundy,
Thanks for your service to our country and Godspeed on your deployment. Please let us know when you return. Our thougths and prayers will be with you and your family.
John,
Keep the great stories coming. No one can tell a story quite like you. We’ve spent the weekend catching up on several blogs and are STILL laughing about the bathroom experience in Hong Kong.
All the best to you and Heidi as you embark on this latest adventure.
Lisa and George Kilmartin
I do enjoy all your daily blogs.
I see that you even get notice by financial news and commentary.
See the link: http://tinyurl.com/5br5xk
James Gundy, may you and your mates be wrapped in safety during your tour…and your families safe and well back home. We appreciate all our guys and gals who serve our great country. Thanks, John, for continuing your duty in keeping these patriots entertained!!!
Duchess Sandy and Duke Dick (U.S. Coast Guard)
Spec. Gundy, My step-brother is in the Navy. GO NAVY!!!! He is heading back to Afhganistan later this year. We will keep you, your crew and your family in our thoughts and prayers and we will be looking for reports from you and/or your wife.
John, thank you (I think) for the “around the world restroom reports”. I have been sharing them with my co-workers….they all think you are hilarious!!!
Looking for word on a Godmother!!! Hello?
Any way, enjoy your trip. Enjoy your “new eating lifestyle”. Hugs to both you and Heidi.
Lori
All my best to Specialist Gundy!
I was never in the military, but if I had been I would have wanted to be a submariner.
John,
Here’s two more great movies to add to your list:
Run Silent Run Deep
Ice Station Zebra
I went to high school with a boy named Phat Lam. when he turned 16 he had his name legally changed to Michael.
John, I’m surprised your wife doesn’t smack you with some of the comments you make about her. No matter how funny they are.
Operations Specialist James Gundy USN , Thank you for your service to our country. I am a Marine and my son is leaving in July for Navy Boot Camp.
Roxianne
Hi John/Heidi:
Good luck Mr. Gundy. I will be thinking of you.
Great interview with Chef English. Like i mentioned in a previous q/a, he had a great tv show on last year touring around many places in Italy trying some famous recipes then cooking them at his restaurants in the states. It was a great program.
Hope everything else is going well.
Looking forward to hearing more.
Good luck on y0ur diet. I’m rooting for you.
Take care,
David