John Heald's Blog

If I have to listen to one more Italian pop song I think I may do someone some serious damage with a chair leg.

The PA tests started again today at 8 am…………..I was already awake but yet to start the day and as I minced around the cabin without warning I was hit with Italian hip hop drum and bass rave heavy crap rap pop………….I refuse to use the word music in that sentence.

I know………….they have to do it…………………..I know……………I keep going on and on about it…………….but honestly…………what I would give to be able to work in peace and quiet………….just for one day.

I do not mind if something makes a noise while engaged in a pursuit that is practical and useful. People, for instance, who buy houses near airports and then moan about airplane noise need a clip round the ear…………..wasn’t the clue that it might be noisy when you looked out of your bedroom window and could see if the passengers on flight 30 were having the chicken or the beef..
I also despair at those who complain about low-flying military jets practicing or sometimes flying real missions. One farmer in Wales became so fed up with the sound of the man-made thunder that he wrote “piss off RAF” on the roof of his house. Happily, every pilot flew over his farm to have a look…………so that worked then.

Last week a man complained that Madonna’s rehearsals for her new tour was disturbing his baby’s sleep pattern and he filed a suit against her trying to ban the rehearsals which were being held in a studio next to his home in London…………………..Madonna refused to cancel the rehearsals but she did offer to adopt the baby.

Nope……..this music is of a different class of noise…………I don’t even mind other people’s mobile phones, unless they’re using the Nokia ring tone……..as I speak the song that is blasting out is something by a singer whose name I am told is Fergie …….. yep………..she didn’t do a good job as a Princess and she sure as heck can’t sing.

Living in the country as we do you would think we get all the peace and quiet we can eat………….but no………….there are two groups of people who have plotted to disturb my Sunday mornings?

In third place are the born-again motor bikers who come to the countryside on a sunny Sunday specifically to make as much noise as possible on their vintage motorbikes ……………………………. One day I will silence them by stretching a piece of cheese wire across the road.

Then, next are a group of middle aged men and women who disturb my Sunday morning stillness with their infernal bell ringing.

Why do they do it? God is everywhere so why do these people feel the need to play Amazing Grace on ten tons of brass at seven in the morning to summon the flock to prayer. I know there is a church near where I live………….I know that if I want to pray or go to a service that I put my coat and shoes on and walk there. Is there anyone who is sitting in the sound of the bells eating their toast when suddenly they hear the bells ……..sit bolt up right…………….and say ” there’s bells ringing………that must mean there is a church near by…………….I have lived in this village for 40 years but didn’t know we had a church………come on Doris……..lets go to morning prayers……….thank goodness for the bells or we would have never have known.

The thing is though that I gave some money to the church appeal a few months ago which means part of the third bell on the left is mine.

However in first place is an old friend of the blog and someone I have complained bitterly about before…………Peter the Pigeon..who sleeps just eight inches from my pillow.

Each morning when his cooing and scratching wakes me up at 5:00am I think about what can be done…

Heidi suggested that we get a cat but this is impossible because I hate the way their bottoms look like napkin holders.

It would be much easier to blow the nest and everything in it to kingdom come with a shotgun but as I don’t have a gun I can’t……..besides I am certain it’s illegal.

It probably is not illegal to remove Peter from his nest and put it in the garbage bin and put the top back on……… But it seems wrong.

Weird, isn’t it? I would enjoy beheading a retired lawyer on a motorbike but I cannot bring myself to suffocate one bloody pigeon.

So, after a lot of thought this is what I have decided to do.

I am going to leave Peter some nice seed and crusty bread out every night. Then when he is really fat and too big to fly I shall marinate him in a pan of barbecue sauce, pop him in the oven and eat him for Sunday lunch. If this works ……………the bell ringers are next.

So, it was a busy weekend. The comments on the Cunard video were great to read and I have left a link thingy at the side of the page for those who may not have joined us over the weekend ……….if you missed it have a look now.

Then there was the USA network TV thingy. I have not seen it………..how was it? If you missed it like I did then on Monday you will have a chance to see it again when we add the video to the daily blog. Let me know how it was please………….did the camera add pounds? It was a long way to fly for only five minutes of TV. We filmed all day but the segment was cut down to just 5 minutes. I have to remember the day was all about Lauren not me…………..although I did get carried away with the cameras on me.

Even though it is Sunday work continues everywhere onboard. Today the special clean of the Lido Restaurant started. This restaurant area is called Splendido Lido. It was named after the famous Lido Beach area at the bottom of the Splendido Hotel in Portofino and just like that hotel we will be serving amazing food to our guests.

The restaurant will feature a Mongolian Wok, A New York Deli, A Grand Buffet, An Indian Tandoor and our old friend the 24 hour Pizzeria. New to me and most of you will be the chicken rotisserie. This has already been placed on other ships and has become a firm favorite with everyone………………except the chickens…………..they don’t like it very much………………….I wonder if they serve pigeon.

Anyway, here are some photos of our superb Lido restaurant.

We now have 90% of the crew onboard and later in the week I am planning to hold a meeting with all the crew where I will introduce the Captain and have a bit of fun ……………..might be good if I take the video camera with me for that one………………would you like that?

On Monday I have another exciting interview with Stein Kruse the President of Holland America Line. As you know the Eurodam has been featured in a fantastic blog over the past months and on Monday we will chat with Stein about the ship, the company and the future. Please do not miss this.
You might want to check in on the Eurodam blog as there is a superb audio commentary from Paul Lasley on the site about the departure from the shipyard in Marghera, Italy ………….. as well as more wonderful photos.

Here is the link……….www.eurodamnews.com

It appears that the Cunard Video has been as I thought, applauded throughout the land. As a crew member myself I enjoy watching these people express their admiration for the work they do. Now, this video has sparked another line into saying their film of the crew is even better. It appears one of our bloggers had seen this film and when we asked Holland America about it they did indeed say it was very good indeed.

What’s interesting is that both Cunard and Holland America had these films made for internal use only. I think you will all agree that this sort of thing is too good to be kept undercover. So, thanks to the power of the blog I am hope to soon send you to a link thingy which will have the Holland America crew video and then after that………….it’s Carnival’s turn…………………better go and make one then.

I have to tell you that my friends at Cunard were a little skeptical about sharing this inspirational video with you all as it was made for internal viewing only. However, I promised my new mate Peter Shanks that in turn for giving me permission to show it that you, my blogging friends would not only watch it but pass it onto you friends.

It is my hope that I can write to Peter who can let the stars of the video know that their smiles and their exuberant passion has been seen by thousands of people. So, pass the video along……it would mean the world to them.

Until then…………..here again for those who missed it is the brilliant “We Are Cunard ” video………………….enjoy.

The link has been temporarily removed.

The other day I listed some highlights in London for those people touring there before or after their Carnival Splendor cruise and I realized that I missed one.

The Natural History Museum………………arguably the grandest museum in the world.
When it was opened in 1881, pretty much everyone hated the Natural History Museum.
That ornate gothic style was just slightly out of date. In the same way that going to dinner on the Queen Mary 2 in a pair of Joan Collins Dynasty shoulder pads would be slightly out of date today. The thing is, though, that now absolutely everyone loves the place and the person who loves it most of all is me.

I know it’s gaudier than Paris Hilton’s underwear drawer and I know it’s full of sandal wearing bearded schoolteachers telling groups of disinterested children that unless they stab their gas-guzzling parents all animals will end up as bones in glass boxes in there. However, the building is the perfect host for a museum like no other.

The TV in my cabin doesn’t work. It needs to be tuned and …………well…………it doesn’t work. I was going to call the AV Manager radu to come and fix it but as he is slightly busy installing the big screen and a broadcast studio asking him to come over to fix my tele would be like asking Led Zeppelin to play for a four-year-old’s birthday party.

I hate being English sometimes. Latin people don’t seem to care when they tread on a social landmine, while Americans just open their arms in a heartfelt gesture of apology. Us, though? We come over all hot and spluttery, stuttering our way out of the gaffe with a series of Hugh Grant-style crikeys and goshes………….I just don’t have the floppy hair.

The reason for my Notting Hill moment was last night where I was hugged by a man………….I hate that…………….who did so as though we were long lost brothers.

“Great to see you again,” he said……………”I had so much fun during the set up of the Glory and this is going to be great.”

The truth is that I’d completely forgotten who the heck he was, but being English it was impossible to say so. Instead I said “Gosh, Crikey it’s so good to see you again.” As I said these words I scanned his body looking for some sign of who he was or what he did …………but there was nothing…………….I meet so many people it’s hard to remember everyone. I once introduced myself to a chap who replied

“Yes, I know who you are we spent the entire day together last month sitting next to each other in a meeting.”

Anyway, the man left feeling on top of the world about meeting me again while I felt like a complete idiot for hugging a man who I had know idea who the heck he was.

Of course, the weekend was dominated by PA 007’s breaking news on Carnival Dream. I can see that the news was brilliantly received and I am sure that you would like to know more…………once again, thanks to PA 007’s daring we can pre-release the press release and release the stress of you wanting to know more………………..if you understand what I mean. So, once again I ask you to come back here at around 5 pm EST when I will be able to post PA 007’s latest news on a Dream that is about to become………..reality.

See you at 5 pm
Cheers
Your friends
John, Heidi and PA 007