This morning I was flipping through a magazine while munching on a whole wheat bagel at breakfast when I glanced at a photo. It showed a man in a very sharp pin stripe suit and under the picture were the words “Kenneth Lagone, the founder of homosexuality.”
This seemed odd, partly because the man in the photograph, with his Armani suit and crisp tailored shirt, looked about as gay as Sean Connery, and partly because I thought homosexuality had been invented long before this guy was born.
I therefore plunged into the lengthy story that accompanied the photograph and pretty soon my curiosity turned to bewilderment. Because it just went on and on about him being a billionaire and the money he has given to charity.
Only when I reached the end and turned back for a better look at the photo did I realize my mistake. Kenneth Lagone was not the founder of homosexuality. He was the founder of the Home Depot.
For some time now I’ve suspected my eyes were tired from all these days at the computer and that some spectacles might be a good idea. But I’ve always been nervous about coming out because of a simple truism………..while I have no fear of blood, detached limbs or anything that is associated with pus…….the thought of anything to do with eyes makes me physically sick.
I can’t use eye drops, and I feel physically sick at the thought of having a retinal scan. I can’t even watch a close-up of someone’s eyes on ER. So, given the choice of putting in a pair of contact lenses or having my scrotum eaten by a pack of wild dogs, I’d have my trousers off in a jiffy.
This comes from the last eye test I had. Obviously, I am well aware that having type 2 diabetes means I must be very careful about my eyes and therefore last year I went to my optician………..and it was a dreadful, agonizing experience.
Maybe it was the freezing liquid in my eye…………..maybe it was the stinging sensation that felt like Mr. and Mrs. Scorpion had moved into my eye socket………..maybe it was the fact that for hours after the test my eyes were weeping so much I looked like I had missed a call from Jennifer Simpson that said if I had been in when she called I could have had fun with her on the back seat of my new Aston Martin…………….or it could have been the optician was inches from my face and he had breath that came straight from a camel’s bottom.
In the end Dr. I. Pod said I had 20/20 vision and I left promising myself never again to put myself through this. When I had Mr. Bell over to stay I had to use eye drops, and I felt ill every time Heidi had to drop them in. I can’t even watch a close-up of someone’s eyes on ER.
However, I think I may need some glasses that will rest my eyes.
Heidi suggested contact lenses. But, I have never understood the purpose of these.
If your eyesight is broken how you are supposed to find them when you drop them on a brightly colored ship’s carpet? Or if one drops into your bowl of sweet and sour chicken? Or in the middle of a shopping mall …………………I’ve seen too many people on their hands and knees shouting “Nobody move.”
If buying spectacles is as ridiculous as buying sunglasses then I don’t think I will bother.
Could someone please explain why today’s choice of glasses is so universally cool? I wanted something from the 80’s, an Aviator perhaps, but all I was offered was the sort of stuff worn by Brad Pitts and U.2.’s lead singer Bonio. I remember a few years ago that if you wanted to buy sun glasses their was a men’s and a ladies section. Now, everything is unisex and I am always concerned that I will leave the shop wearing the same sun glasses that Madonna or Victoria Beckham would wear.
Also, how the heck are you supposed to know how you look in a pair of glasses with all the advertising paraphernalia and health and safety bollocks hanging like bunting in front of the lenses, which to make things even worse is covered in stickers?
I shall carry on until Heidi makes me go to the optician…………….but just that thought has my lunch making on its way out.
Give me the choice of a rectal examination or having someone play with my eyes for an hour………well……….you had better get the Canon camera greased up so Dr.Ivor Longfinger can have a look around……………………rather that then my eyes.
Well, it’s ours. At 1 pm today the shipyard confirmed that the check had not bounced and the Carnival Splendor was ceremoniously handed over to Carnival. The ceremony was attended by the great and good from Fincantieri, Carnival Cruise Lines, Carnival Corporation, the Italian Government and lots of friends and family who had traveled from various parts of Italy to share in this special day.
It was strange for me today as I watched a beautiful lady host the proceedings. I wanted to be up on that stage but instead I sat at the back at watched her introduce the guest speakers. These included the Chairman of Fincantieri Mr. Antonini who looks like the sort of person you want to call “grandpa ” or would be just as happy dressing up as Santa on Christmas Day as he is running one of Italy’s most successful companies. Then there was a Minister from the Italian Government. I would like to tell you his name and what he said but unfortunately he spoke only in Italian.
Now, the front rows had been provided with headsets that received a live translation in English however back in the cheap seats all I could tell that Mr. Minister was very hot or he liked doing an impression of a windmill as he spoke……..his arms were everywhere.
Then it was Carnival’s President and C.E.O Gerry Cahill’s turn to speak.
This was his first time speaking at such an occasion as the man in charge of the Most Popular Cruise Line In The World…………..I am sure he was nervous and new the eyes of everyone were upon him……………….well……………………..he was brilliant………………he spoke clearly and calmly and he had everyone’s attention.
He spoke to a room of very proud people…………I bet none were prouder than our Gerry.
The speeches over we watched the dramatic and somewhat emotional flag changing ceremony where the Fincantieri and Italian flags are lowered to the playing of the Italian national anthem and then we watched the raising of the American and Carnival flags to the sounds of The Star Spangled Banner.
All that was left was for Captain Giorgio Pagano to accept the ship with a simple handshake whereupon the Yard Director gave him the keys and a one year warranty subject to APR fixed rate must be over 25 does not include GPS and leather terms and conditions apply.
It was then off to lunch and for the first time the Gold Pearl restaurant was alive with the sound of people eating Osso Buco and fresh fish washed down with fine wine and great conversation.
Then Mr. Ken Byrne sang a song which was received with much applause and then it was time for the waiters to entertain. Music is an international language and it appears that the song they had chosen to perform to was well known. I of course have never heard of a man, a woman or a group called Flow Rider………..apparently everyone else has judging by the response of people singing and clapping along………………I looked across at the Top Table and even saw some of the VIP’s mouthing the words. One stunningly beautiful lady shimmering in a white jacket thing was really getting into it ……….she was singing and doing all the rap hand gestures and even tried to climb up onto one of the podiums before she was escorted out by security.
Everyone had a brilliant time and I was so proud of the staff who had gone from the preparation stage straight into service……………well done everyone!
The only sad note was that afterwards everyone was handed a gift. I am not sure what was in the fancy looking box. I asked the Fincantieri lady if I could have one but even though she didn’t speak English I knew by chances were zero by the look on her face. I would have loved one (whatever it was) for my Dad’s shrine…….something to remember this special day by.
One thing I really want though is to share the video of the making of the vessel with you all. It was superbly made by Fincantieri and lasts about 5 – 10 minutes. It contains some great behind the scenes shots and I hope to ask Santa Antonini for permission to set up a link thingy so you can all see this great film.
Tonight we will feed 2,000 shipyard workers………the welders, electricians, cleaners and engineers whose blood, sweat and prolific hand gestures built the ship. The cast will present the show Vroom – twice. I am in awe of them all as they have been rehearsing non stop for a month and I know they must be tired. Nobody will know this tonight however as they show just why Carnival has the best seagoing entertainment…..in the world.
So, now we have a one day to test everything and then on Monday embark 2,500 travel agents and Carnival office folks. It will be great to see them all, great to spend time with them all………………however……………………..and with the greatest respect……………….I wish they would all bugger off and all this pomp and circumstance was over……………and we can start doing what we do best…………..providing thousands of people with the best vacation they could possibly have.
Here are some random photos of the event:
The Carnival Splendor is ours……………………….actually ………….that’s not right ……………………….. The Carnival Splendor is YOURS………………Let the fun begin!
Goodnight
Your Friends
John, Heidi and The Carnival Splendor
Filed under: Europe, Tales from the Ship, Travel | Tagged: Carnival Splendor
John,
I woke up the day after my 40th BD and I couldn’t read the paper…someone flicked a switch and that was me in reading glasses…so get used to it, it’s probably coming to your turn…:>)
Congratulations to Mr Antonini and all the Fincantieri family, it must be like having a child leave the nest….your description of the flag ceremony put me to tears John!!
It is on my vision board to see that wonderful shipyard, and witness the handing over of a Carnival ship. Do regular people ever get to do that??
WOOO HOO for the Carnival family as we welcome our newest gem!!! God Bless and Bon Voyage!!!
Hugs and love to you and Heidi, and Stephanie!!
Eva
woo hoo dude!! congratulations to you and to carnival!!!
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
Please, please, please… do whatever is necessary to get us that video!!
The Splendor is lovely!! Tons of folks are waiting to be able to board her and begin a new chapter of the Carnival saga!!
Who do we need to call/write/protest in front of to get you one of those boxes of whatever-it-is that they were giving out?? We’re behind you John, 100%!!
Ciao!!!
Host Mach from Cruise Critic
Congrats John and Carnival. Wonderful looking ship.
Now, How can I get across the pond and get on this ship?
I want to go !! The Splendor sounds wonderful and with that crew ahhh!! Lately I had to go through many eye test and a retinologist. Thank God it was nothing serious but certainly it was scary. Maybe you only need glasses to read.
Love;
Nanni
John and Crew,
As we say in my US Navy when a job is really well done….. Bravo Zulu
We look forward to coming aboard for 24 days in Aug. to Sept. for two back to back cruises for Northern Europe and around to Rome.
I am sure by then you will have found and worked out all the little kinks.
Two of the Evil Bloggers
Dave and Jo Myerly
John I sympathize with you about seeing the eye Doctor. Having a man you see only once a year right in your face as though hes fixing to give you a smack on the lips. Is a very disturbing predicament to be put upon.Hmmm maybe I should find a nice young Jennifer Simpson looking doctor. Ohhh!!! Bug I was just kidding.John I am glad we have the keys to the Splendor. Can I have her next Friday for a little thingy down in Mexico. Just Kidding. ‘Not’ Best wishes Gary and Bug
Hi John,
Why did they raise the American flag?? As I do know none of the American Cruiselines at this moment does have a ship registered under an American flag. They should have used the Panama flag.
Ralf
Hi John,
I imagine you will be handing out lots of cigars. Congratulations on the latest addition.
It was good to see both you and Ken smiling in the videos. These have to be truly stressful and hectic times – trying to get a ship and crew ready to enter service.
Perhaps instead of fixing the blow dryer in the bathroom put a coin slot on it and turn it into a game. Carnival might recover the costs of Splendor in record time. Just a thought.
How is the Internet on the ship? When are the webcams going to light up? Oh, well, I’ll find out soon enough.
See y’all in a few days!
bill from zydecocruiser.com
p.s. can you send Heidi over to pack my suitcase? I always bring too much stuff.
John and Heidi,
Great blog and waiting on the video.
The Splendor is in good hands with you and all
the great crew from Carnival, Bon Voyage!!!!
Papanh
Stop being such a baby John, and have your eyes checked, you probably only need them for reading and the computer. I just had my eyes checked today (yearly exam) which by the way is necessary for diabetics!!!!!! I wear what they call progressive lenses, I could never wear contacts, as you said if you can’t see how can you put them in! I can’t even clasp a necklace without Mike’s help or thread a needle with eyeglasses! The eyeglasses they have nowadays are very stylish John and who knows you just might look DISTINGUISHED in them. What do you think Heidi? I wear them for reading and I am at the computer all day at work, so with the glare I have glasses that are glare free. It makes a difference, so try it, you’ll like it, and you will be surprised all that you have been missing! These are orders from the expert! HA! HA! Linda & Mike
John…
Splendid!! (I figured you’d used the Splendor word…) OUTSTANDING!!! She’s in your hands now!!! I pray Santa Anonino gives you permission for the video… I’m sure it would be interesting and emotional!!! I’ll continue to look for it posted here!!
BIFOCALS… that’s my word of the day… I hate ‘em… but life goes more smoothly with them. Being a LOWE’S fan, I could care less about you getting your story about that other store correct… but I have decided that glasses are quite distinguished and acceptable!!! (I keep telling myself that…)
HORRORS!!! HOW TERRIBLY RUDE!!! You deserve a fancy little take home box!!! Please tell us what is in it when you get yours in the mail!!! You’ll have a heart-broken blog-full of readers if you don’t get to send it to Dad!!!
Regards to the builders and designers!!! OUTSTANDING!!!!
Regards to you John and Heidi and Stephanie!!
Lambie
I used to be the same about my eyes, couldn’t even put in drops. But hated having glasses slip down my nose all the time, so much, I relented and got contacts. Now I freak people out all the time sticking my finger in my eye… Opps sorry John!! Anyway, I can see just fine how incredible the new Splendor is, thanks for all the pictures and info on her. The dryer thingy is hilareous, any entertainment in the ladies room??
John:
How exciting!!!!
Splendor….welcome to the family!
And don’t mention eyes. I have worn contacts since I was 15. Back then they were made of “stone”.
Now I have to use reading glasses along WITH my contacts.
Is is so much fun getting old!!
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
John:
You are not alone! I can’t imagine putting something in my eye on purpose.
….and so, I wear glasses.
Of course, I realized I needed glasses probably about 10 years later than I actually needed them. For years, I would drive around California and even Arizona and Nevada, and never thought I needed glasses because I could “read” all the signs while they were still far away.
Then, in 1987 I made a trip to England, rented a car and drove myself around from Brighton to Liverpool. It was then, that I realized I could only “read” signs that I already knew!!! Suddenly, I found myself only being able to read the town names on signs when it was too late to turn! Thank God for roundabouts! I can’t tell you how many times I would make 4 or 5 revolutions of the roundabout before being sure which direction would take me where I wanted to be!
But, John, you really must “suck it up” and make regular visits to your eye doctor, with your type 2 diabetes. My father had it, and developed glaucoma, resulting in him losing his vision completely. Trust me — you do not want that.
Terri
John, great blog as usual….wonderful and proud day for all involved I’m sure…can’t wait to embark and look forward to seeing you and Heidi on Aug 6….
Cheers to all who made it a reality.
Ray & Deb
John & Heidi:
Great description of the ceremony. Had to be awsome to see the flags changed and I’m also relieved the check didn’t bounce being a CCL stockholder and all. I’m so excited and can’t wait like you until you can report on the “real” passengers reaction. I also have to say that you are the only other person that I know that shares my horror over eyes BUT you don’t want to lose them either so give it up and get it over with. Can’t wait to hear more as you sail….
Congratulations, John! I can understand why you are ready for the pomp and circumstance to end. You can wait to see the awe and excitement on the faces of those fortunate enough to set sail on the Splendor, for the first time.
I know you have helped launch several new ships, but I’m sure you have a special pride in these beautiful ships!
Keep the pictures coming!
John, I feel your fear of someone messing with your eyes. My cataracts are getting worse, to the point that the ye doctor says she doesn’t iknow how I see as good as I do. I can read and play on the puter without glasses, but now I can not see the road signs or in the distance without glasses. I was miserable without the ability to see at a distance. It took eye tests by 2 different eye docs to get my glasses right. If I can make it until we get back the BC I guess I will give up to the fact that the cataracts have to come off. Don has had both of his done and did fine. But I’m still scared….. I can no longer hear without hearing aids in both ears, and I’m scared of losing my eyesight. Take care of your eyes John.
I was so proud to read that the American Flag was raised to the Star Spangled Banner. It brought tears to my eyes and very proud to know that my favorite cruiseline is flying under the AMERICAN Flag.
Carolyn………proud to be an American
Proud day for Carnival! Congratulations!!! Can’t wait to embark on this beautiful new ship with the world’s best CD!
See you on the 13th, John!
John don’t you know that most, if not all of us of Italian descent use our hands to talk and wave our arms around like lunatics when we speak?!? sounds like it was sort of an emotional ceeremony. And that’s great that tonight all the people who woked so hard to build the ship will be honored with a dinner. Bravissimo!
I seem to have lost my glasses just yesterday and there is no time for me to get a new pair befor we leave on our vacation to TN next Saturday. Told Ted that I would help him do the long drive, but I really will have a hard time seeing road signs without them, OMG!!!
Ciao mi amici…
SuefrmNarrowsburg
Hey John,
I have to agree with you about contacts, I had them for a while, and I had more trouble with them than it was worth. I have been wearing glasses since I was 11 years old. it takes a while to get used to wearing them, but, I see things so much clearer. my suggestion is go to the local pharmacy or corner drug store and check out the Cheap reading glasses. they are normally only a couple of dollars and they might help you out, and they might not, but for a couple of dollars it is worth the try. if you have trouble finding them let me know and I will send you a pair to try out.
Take care my friend, and congrats on the delivery, and good luck. may she have far winds and following seas.
Capt Bill
Hi John and Heidi,
Glad to see the Splendor is now ready and looking forward to see you all on the three day cruise on 10th July. Great to see the video of Ken too. Hearing him sing again reminds me of the Spirit inaugural cruise when he was last our Maitre D.
Susan from the West Midlands
Bravo *applause* Let the fun begin!
Dawn
John & Heidi,
Look forward to being able to waych the video (when you get approval of course). My hat off to all the workers (little people as I like to call them) behind the scenes in making Splendor what she is today. Look forward to our sail with her in NOV. On a different note, I have worn glasses since I was 4 years old and tried contacts once. I was in New Jersey and the dam thing popped out of my eye and after all the hassle to find it and then protect it was futile. So I have stuck with glasses. So don’t mess with your vision my friend, take care of it, so you can continue to do the great things for Carnival. Talk 2 U later.
Luis
I can’t wait to sail on the Splendor!!! April 26th!!! I am on the CC group cruise with Host Randy and cannot wait to see this wonderful ship!
Hi John,
Take care of the “Splendor” we don’t get to use it till Jan.
Hi,
Having read the blog today and seeing the interesting pics I fought the need to to respond to what Carolyn and Don posted about the American flag. Carnival Cruise vessels do NOT sail under the American flag. Offically and legally these vessels are NOT American registered.
It’s very important to realize that few cruiseships today sail under the American flag. The raising of our flag may have had a ceremonial effect (she isn’t sailing for America right away so there is no official reason for the flag to have been raised). Perhaps because Carnival is an American founded company had something to do with it.
Given the seriousness of the topic it’s important to realize that like many cruiseships sailing today this new vessel is NOT an American registered vessel.
Kevin
wooohoo.. you are so right john.. she is ours… and we are going to enjoy this beautiful ship! my sister karen.. and her sister maryann(long story)are going to be on the splendor in May of 09. wish i was too but alas… i will be on the Conquest to ease my pain. LOL thanks for the update of our newest girl.. we love carnival!! p.s i feel the same about the eye thing. (shudder) anita
Dear John and Heidi
CONGRATS TO CARNIVAL UPON THEIR OWNERSHIP, well Done, Bravo and great blogging on the description of the ceremony..
as far as the eyes go John I can sympathize with you. I have had a “lazy eye” since as far back as I can remember. It would take both my parents to hold me down and me bloody scremaing as a child to put drops and ointments into my eyes and me to wear a patch as a child. But nooo not I…….
I should have listened and behaved, now 50 years later I find myself struggling with my ever changing eyesight. My right eye is good. but that “lazy eye is legally blind” when you can. I wear glasses and now I have to have the hubby put my jewelry on when I used to be able to do it myself. Its a humbling experience…so my advice to you is get it checked John, save what ever you can ,
Take Care
Elizabeth Tucker
Hooray! and Welcome to Carnival’s new “lady”.
John, quick fix – no pain. You can get a pair of magnifying glasses for reading (cheaters). Relatively inexpensive, no prescription – check out the magnitude you need at the display rack – easy peasey.
See you July 13th – we’re gonna have a blast!
Mrs. Martin -
the no longer squinting English teacher
John -
Your description of your eye exam, particularly the odor of the man’s breath, brings to mind an exam I had while I was in the service.
I was stationed at Bethesda and scheduled to have my eyes examined, as my prescription seemed to change every fifteen minutes or so. So, I showed up and was introduced to a quite attractive female optometrist. She proceeded to do all the normal stuff – what was most memorable was that, while looking at my retinas, she was blowing in my ear!!!
Now, mind you, I was a hormonal 19 year old at this time. When an attractive woman, even one who is an officer, blows in your ear, certain things happen.
Needless to say, that eye exam was the most enjoyable exam I have ever had in my entire life.
Jon
P. S. – get the glasses!!! In particular, all the work on the computer is killer on the eyes. I have glasses that are solely my reading prescription for use on the computer. Otherwise, headaches galore.
Dear John & Heidi:
I thoroughly enjoyed the video from the Men’s Loo. Also, the video showing the Restaurant was just beautiful.
I’m glad you’ve decided to go the salad route. Have you tried the “Honeymoon Salad?” . . . “Lettuce (Let Us) Alone with No Dressing.”
Hi John, My first post….but I’ve been a reader for months now as the unofficial/adjunct TA to the real TA for our group of 16 meeting in Dover for the 11 Sept sailing! We’re sooooo……excited! My second cruise ever….first one was when I was married 22 years ago! My how things have changed….this is a super-ship and I am so grateful for the London to Rome experience!
Thank you for keeping us updated with smiles, chuckles, and tears everyday….and I thought my husband was the only one who had untouchable eyes….yes, I’ve seen your pain.
Karen
a Coastie wife!
Hey, congratulations to John, Heidi, Ken, and all the rest off the fantastic Carnival Splendor crew! Well done!
All those pix you’ve been sending of the ship were beautiful, but they looked so sad with no people in ‘em. Now lady Splendor will finally look like a real live Fun Ship!
*****
“Give me the choice of a rectal examination or having someone play with my eyes for an hour………”
Tell you what, John. I’ll take all your eye exams for you if you take all my rectal exams.
It sounds to me like you’ve reached that magic time of life when Mr. Presbyopia moves in to stay like your deadbeat brother-in-law. Welcome to the club, John!
Since you probably will need to read things on stage, you’d better get bifocals. Or, maybe those half-moon glasses like Professor Dumbledore in the Harry Potter stories!
In any case, don’t let it get you down. It’s not a disease, it’s just proof that you’ve lived a while. A long, long, while! (Hee hee, just kidding!)
*****
“Now, the front rows had been provided with headsets that received a live translation in English however back in the cheap seats all I could tell that Mr. Minister was very hot or he liked doing an impression of a windmill as he spoke.”
Here’s an idea to pass on to the engineers, John. How about a special number that anyone with a cellphone can dial to get the English translation anywhere they sit?
Hi John/Heidi:
Congrats on the wonderful news and the handover. I know you are excited to get things back up and running and get a normal lifestyle once again.
Great pictures from the event today.
As a stockbroker, your comment about Ken Langone is one of the funniest things i have ever read. Thanks for the laugh.
Nice hearing from you.
Keep in touch!
David
OK…..I am catching up on this antiquated computer! I am soooooo glad they turned the ship over to Carnival. I am also soooo glad we will be boarding her on July 13th! John and Heidi, the day that our family has talked about for so long is rapidly approaching! We are all excited! Long Live Carnival Cruise Line and thank you so much to all those people who made the Carnival Splendor a reality!
Ruth
Great Post. I will add this blog to my bookmarks.