I sat in a meeting this morning and the chap next to me had something called an Apple In The Eye Phone. ……….I had heard all about this must have thingy but this was the first time I had seen one up close. I had heard some owners say that it was wonderful and some say it was utter crap.
They told me its battery has the life expectancy of a veal calf, and that if you want to take a photograph, you’d be better off setting up an easel and breaking out the paint.
It will come as a complete shock I am sure that the owner of this Apple thingy was a Director of the I/S department. During a particularly dull moment of the meeting (there were many) I was stupid enough to ask him if he liked his phone. ………..and off he went…………….I think he had been bored about the discussion on VAT tax in the gift shops and my “geek style” question had revived him.
He told me it was able to deliver the weather forecast from Bora Bora and clips from YouTube of kids smashing their genitals to pieces while trying to skate board down a handrail……………….. ” because it can be connected to the internet…………….and………………….and” …………..by this point the meeting had turned to a discussion about what kind of over priced water ………still………..or sparkling we should place in the Chairman’s suite mini bar…………which was more interesting then how many gags of hard drive he could store in his apple.
The meeting lasted 2 hours……….I aged 37 years…………and after ten minutes discussion someone came up with the absolutely incredible plan to put both still and sparkling water in the Chairman’s mini bar………………..genius………….absolute genius.
Also today we had a general boat drill where the crew was given the safety instructions from the Captain and officers. During the drill I am on the bridge and this time I got to speak to one of the engineers who designed the engines that power this amazing vessel.
He told me that the biggest challenge of all was not the propulsion or channeling the fuel through the huge bearings that turn the mighty propellers……….nope…………the biggest challenge and the one that must be met before anything else is addressed during the design stage is of course…………..protecting our precious natural resources.
Now, I understand and support totally the need never ever to pollute the seas but some of the rules and regulations he told me about were extraordinary. One hundred years from now when we haven’t made the polars an endangers species, people can once again devote themselves to creativity and excellence without having to worry the lesser spotted Mongolian bog pig. Someone, I believe, somewhere may well build an engine or something………that could change the world.
Well, as I mentioned yesterday, today will be a rather short blog. I have been at it non stop since 6:00 am. This was my schedule so far.
6:00 am – Breakfast – wholegrain bagel and a cup of monkey tea
6:15 am – Shower, Shave and toilet
6:30 am – 7:30am – answer e mails from the previous day and night – 114 of them
7:30 am – toilet – the bagel kicked in
7:35 am – last check of 2 day cruise Capers
8:30 am – Meeting with Miami shore side personal to discuss …………..well……….everything
10:30 am – meeting finished – toilet break
10:35 am – noon – meeting with all Entertainment Staff
11:30 am – meeting with Captain and senior officers
12:45 am – Lunch – two egg omelets with onions and peppers
1:15 pm – e mails
2:00 pm – boat drill
3:30 pm – walk around the lounges to listen to all the bands
5:00 pm – blog
5:18 pm – toilet – omelet kicked in
And that’s where we stand so far.
The ship is ready………..the crew …………are ready……………and tomorrow to the tune of Time To Say Goodbye sung by Andre Bottledcherry we will be on our way from the ship yard to Genoa to collect 3000 travel agents and invited guests……………..more on that tomorrow.
Here is some of the best crew I have ever worked with.
Cooks: Prasad and Wayan
Security Staff: Neelesh, Michael & Eric
Nurses: Becka & Ansie
Bar Staff: Jarid, Peter & Rakesh
Dancers: Paul & Dan
Barista : Katja
Finally for today I want to put a date in your mind……………………..July 1st.
1st July 1997: Hong Kong is handed back to the Chinese authorities after 156 years as a British colony. Tung Chee-hwa was sworn in as Hong Kong’s new leader
1st July 1932: Gov. Franklin D. Roosevelt was selected as the presidential nominee at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago
1st July 1963 : The US Post Office instituted the Zip Code asking everyone to use their Zip Codes on return addresses after the name of city and state when ever possible to help speed the process of mail delivery
July 1st 2008: Carnival Cruise Lines opens reservations for its spectacular new vessel Carnival Dream. Travel Agent phones are ringing off the hook while the Carnival switch board is completely jammed as would be cruise vacationers rush to be the first lucky people to sail the Grand Med, a unique Trans Atlantic cruise to New York or an 8 day sailing from the Big Apple itself.
July 1st is going to be Carnivals biggest day of bookings ever………….I am hearing that all the voyages are expected to sell out immediately and advance group inquires are immense. So, please make sure you call or hop on line…………………..will I be there I hear you cry …………..YES………..100% yes………….unless I have ceased to be or have been fired for being too ugly. I may not be the Cruise Director………..but………….I will be there …………..on that first New York cruise and…………..probably the crossing as well……………..actually……………..take away the probably………………I want to sail into New York………….I want to experience that indescribable feeling again.
So…………………July 1st………………make your Dream come true…………………….it will be a day to remember and a ship that you will never ever forget.
A longer blog coming tomorrow I promise
Cheers
Your Friends
John and Heidi
1st July 2011: John Heald becomes President of Carnival Cruise Lines and buys an Aston Martin and invites Catherine Zeta Jones to be Godmother of the Carnival Heald.
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
LOL Carnival Heald Ha! You deserve it (At least the Aston) John for all your work. Anyway I wish I could go on that New York sailing. You are a very good salesman now. God Bless the Carnival Splendor and all the people who sail on her!!
Un besote y un abrazote
nanni
“1st July 2011: John Heald becomes President of Carnival Cruise Lines and buys an Aston Martin and invites Catherine Zeta Jones to be Godmother of the Carnival Heald.”
That’s all OK with me John as long as on that date I am designated a secret shopper and get free cruising and Carnival pays my air to/from the ship in exchange for my reports.
Ahhh… John… I pity the poor PVPs on Tuesday. I don’t think there are enough phone lines in the world to handle the volume of calls that Carnival will be getting… It will be a day for the record books!
I’m glad that was your schedule and not mine. Where’s the time for staring blankly into space or for pouring over the deck plans for the Dream? You, sir, are far too busy. Step back… take a deep breath… look around at your surroundings and smile!! Now, back to work with you!!!
Can I be there July 1 2011 when you take possession of your new Aston???
Cheers to all!!!
Host Mach from Cruise Critic
John
I can hardly contain myself. You are right it is exciting sailing out of New York. Going under all those bridges and being so close to Lady Liberty. She is more beautiful than ever. You must be there. I want to do the second sailing because it is over Thanksgiving. I hope they can do the Macy’s parade on the big screen. What a parade it is.
Jo
WHOO HOO!
NOW THAT”S A DREAM COME TRUW
HAPPY FIRST OF JULY,2008!
Thank you John!
E T
P.S. Great Pix of the GANG!
as long as you do sail into new york. another..less fortunate ship didnt.
the dream is all we could hope for! i cant wait to sail on this ship. my sister karen and i will be on at least two cruises next year and then my whole family in oct 09. i guess the dream will be next. 
anita
What will I be doing on July 1st?
My current schedule has me spending a large part of it in Rome’s airport (FCO). Having just flown across the pond, I will be attempting to recover from a serious case of airplane ass before boarding an Alitalia flight to Genoa.
The forecast for Genoa seems to indicate a chance of thunderstorms which I am ok with.
Of course, mitigating all of this is that I will be boarding Carnival Splendor on July 2. That in, and of itself, is sufficient. However, above and beyond that, I know a TA who will be one of the many that are trying to grab group space on Carnival Dream. I intend to be on that Inaugural, as well!
bill
WooHoo, I will be one of those people making reservations for the new Carnival DREAM. John-Please answer this! Will you also be on the Dream when it arrives in Port Canaveral? I want to book a cruise for December 2009 and just wondering.
Also I have been asking and have not gotten an answer, I asked Stephanie and yourself and no one has gotten back to me- PLEASE – what is a Cove balcony??? I need to know BEFORE Tuesday! Linda & Mike (faithful bloggers and cruisers-#15 coming up on the Splendor Thanksgiving week).
John Here’s wishing you all the luck in the world on your dresam for July 1, 2011.
When/if you make president, will you still write the blog and have bloggers cruises? grin
Wish me luck when I dial Carnival’s number Monday that I get thru to Kanecia and can get a cruise booked for the Dream.
Carolyn
Dear John & Heidi,
Hope you still remember us…;-)
We wish you a lot of success & pleasure & safe trips on the Splendour. I (Mirelle) will be in Rotterdam next tuesday when our Queen Beatrix will baptise the Eurodam.
We will have cocktails, galadinner & fireworks as well. We are invited to stay for 1 nigh. Off coarse it will bring back memories of our Carnival Freedom trip in March. I feel privileged to be in this ceremony.
John,
We are looking forward to the taster cruise to Amsterdam on July 10th.
I came across your blogs by complete accident and have to say they are some of the funniest things I have read in a long time.
Looking forward to seeing your wonderful new ship in Dover.
Don
PS – how does Heidi put up with you???
John,
Loved the pics of the crew, all look even happier than usual, a sign of the Splendor to come…) Thank you for taking us all with you!!!
Now, I am short-circuiting over trying to figure out timing for scheduling cruises!!! And Tuesday is almost here!!! Well I am going back to dayDREAMing for now…
Say hi to Duckie from Floatie, he boards 7/2!! God Bless and keep you on your journey…love you all!
Eva
John:
Hope your tour agents and guests have a wonderful time.
Please post a picture of the “warning sign” now on the trash holder under that hand dryer!!
Linda (still walking 5 miles a day)
Sailing into or out of New York past Lady Liberty is indeed a thrill. I am now waiting for the thrill of sailing under the Golden Gate Bridge on March 22 aboard the Carnival Splendor……..wonder if we’ll hear “I left my heart in San Francisco”?
July 1 I will be busy packing for my treak from Juneau to London………sure would be a lot quicker if we just hopped up over the Arctic rather than the round about route Juneau-Seattle-San Francisco-London. It will be worth it for sure……..12 days aboard the new Carnival Splendor with John Heald the best CD……Priceless!
Kersplott
it is the iPhone and it’s a pretty damn good phone. especially if you jailbreak it (the process of breaking the file system in order to allow installing applications on it).
you can have everything on it and the second version – iPhone 3G (coming up july 11) is gonna be the best business/leisure phone out there.
July 1st: I will fly into Genoa, Italy and stay in a hotel overnight in order to be aboard the first sailing of the Carnival Splendor!
What an exciting week!! The Splendor setting out and The Dream becoming a reality, so thrilling for all of us that love Carnival and cruising. I do plan on sailing the Dream but waiting a bit, let you guys get the kinks out LOL Only problem now is fitting a Splendor sailing in my schedule when it hits Long Beach.
Also, we learned something about John Heald today, he only takes 5 minutes to potty, impressive.
John…
07/01/08… The DREAM begins…
I will sail on this ship… I would love the TA, but will have just returned from a B2B on the CRAZIES cruise on the CONQUEST… not enough vacation time to do another one so fast!!
So I will wait until 2010… my frustration!!! My regrets!! (But I will love sailing with the CRAZIES as the DREAM launches on her maiden voyage!!)
HAVE A SPLENDID CRUISE!!! Your maiden voyage is coming FAST!!!
Regards,
Lambie
Well, John
This is it.
The Carnival splendor is fresh, and ready for the world!
And I need to know what ship you will be on for summer of 010, and 011 summer.
I would like to cruise in Erope to meet you (for the second time, when I was 7 on the triumph was the first now im 12)
Anyway My family is taking me on a cruise then , and we have been thinking dream or magic in europe.
from , JAKE S. ( :
Hey John,
Thanks for the daily blog thingy. I read it every day and you have never failed to make me smile…or laugh out loud. You are appreciated.
Jan
I will be celebrating the 141st birthday of the great country I live in…CANADA with family and friends.
Cindy
John please, please consider doing that 2nd cruise out of NY, thanksgiving week, on Dream. It would be great to sail with you. Do they really expect those cruises to sell out in one day? Wow…
Sue
by bay, beautiful blog.
I want to make a reservation on the Carnival Heald!!! Good luck my friend!
Hugs,
Lori
I spy Carnival Splendor in Genoa – I guess getting ready to sail on the 2 dayer.
http://www.zydecocruiser.com/splendor/splendor_g.jpg
Like Cindy56, we will be celebrating the birth of the true north strong and free…CANADA. Happy birthday to us!
Gary & Di
i will be celebrating Canada Day also. Great blogs… love reading them. Thanks so much John
“6:00 am – Breakfast – wholegrain bagel and a cup of monkey tea”
I’m glad to see the diet is holding up. I have two questions though – How much weight have you lost so far, and how do you get the monkey to sit in hot water long enough to make tea?
“3:30 pm – walk around the lounges to listen to all the bands”
Oh, that sounds great! How is Ron Pass? Can you send a pic of him?
Hi John/Heidi:
Does this mean we will all be invited to your 7/1/11 inauguration? I will go ahead and reserve my spot if that is true.
Excellent blog today and very exciting how close we are to launching service.
Can’t believe how much you have going on with the handover already complete.
Great hearing from you again.
BTW, the Samantha Brown Inspiration show was excellent. They did a nice job presenting the company.
Thanks for keeping in touch. Talk to you soon.
David
John,
I was just looking to book our excursions for our upcoming trip with you on the Splendor. (We will see you July 25th). We can’t wait. Ken, Lyla and I will all be there. Came across your blog and just started lol and couldn’t stop. I guess since the Baer’s are making the new ships our annual vacation we will be calling about the Dream tomorrow as well. See you in a couple of weeks.
Kim
Hi John,
will you be cruise director on the Splendor for the 6th August sailing to to the Baltics. Had on the Liberty in 2005 maiden voyage and you were bags of fun.