Childhood memories are usually dominated by cloudless summer days, scraped knees from falling of your bike and burning ants alive using a magnifying glass and the sun. Mine are also dominated by the mornings when I’d come downstairs to find my school report had arrived.
Throughout the term I’d assured my parents that I’d been working hard, and that the small explosion in the Chemistry Lab had nothing to do with me. But there, in the report, was solid, irrefutable proof that I hadn’t been working hard at all.
Even today, 30 years later, I can recite, verbatim, the comments from a Math teacher Mr. Sonnen. “Usually I would write Could Do Better but unfortunately Mr and Mrs. Heald…I do not think that this will be possible.
I can recall, too, the way my parents looked as they thumbed through page after page of abuse and home truths. And also the look of utter bewilderment when the Physical Education teacher Mr. Strickland said I’d been a “quiet” member of the set. This might have had something to do with the fact that I hadn’t been to a single one of his lessons………….instead playing Space Invaders at the local fish and chip shop.
My father would point out calmly that I’d let the school down, the family down and that I’d let myself down……………remember he was a school master himself which made things even worse………. My mother would handle things differently……….. and make me a chocolate sponge cake but I knew even as she added extra chocolate and frosting that she was disappointed……………. And I’d sit there, unable to conceive of a more horrible experience.………….and eat the cake.
But I bet ………………………….. it’s even worse to be the parent.
In the early years of a child’s schooling reports are fairly meaningless. You learn that your pride and joy has made a lovely paper model of a dog without cutting his fingers off with the scissors and his part of the back end of Rudolph in the Christmas play was an Oscar worthy performance.
But then as they get older I am sure things change. For 12 years you’ve known, with no question or shadow of doubt, that your child is the greatest, most brilliant and most popular human being in the whole of human history. His paper models were magnificent and his acting abilities De Niro like.
You have had visions of him, on stage, thanking his agent and God. But then, suddenly, along comes a report that says that, actually, he’s a bit thick.
Teachers, of course, are very good at softening the blow. They use words such as “pleasing” and “encouraging”, no matter how many members of staff he has stabbed with a pencil. “Johnny is becoming very adept with his knife. Perhaps he would do well if he were to think about a career in a slaughterhouse.”
My headmaster was brilliant at this. In my final report he said: “We like John very much. When he is sent to prison, we hope it is not too far away so that we can come to visit him from time to time.”
The trouble is that no matter how hard they try to mask the truth, you can’t ignore it, in the same way that you’d find it hard to ignore a elephant with diarrhea…………. in your car. Everyone is always nice about your kids. They have been since they were in a stroller.
But criticism; that’s a whole new area. That leaps off the page and hits you straight in the heart. “Tracy needs to concentrate more,” is no different from saying “Tracey has a face like a bulldog ….It hurts.
Imagine if your boss wrote a report on how you were doing at work . . . and then sent it to your children. “John has made pleasing progress in blogging and hosting shows this year and we’re encouraged with his efforts to stop looking up the dancers skirts. But he must try to avoid belching over the PA system or he won’t be getting a promotion any time soon.”
My wife came out of the bedroom the other night and asked what I thought of her new outfit. I was honest. I gave her a proper report and said it made her look frumpy. And was she pleased? Was she hell. The cabin windows frosted over on the inside.
It’s not the done thing to present others with an honest appraisal of their performance. I know I’m useless on the tennis court but I don’t like my partner to say so. And yet that’s exactly what a school report does.
I can, however, end with a crumb of comfort for those of you whose children received poor reports. Bill Gates never got good reports and neither did Richard Branson or Sean Connery……………….I bet most people who are successful in life ever had a good one.
Well, I had also better start thinking about our Bloggers cruise next year which will be here before we know it. The plan so far is this:
1. John and Heidi arrive in New Orleans in the early morning of the 6th of February
2. The afternoon is spent with blogging friends helping to make a difference by assisting in the continuing rebuilding project
3. That night all the bloggers will go for dinner together (I am paying) and hopefully a show in one of the convention rooms.
The strangest thing is that there is so much red tape involved to allow us to actually do some hands on work however we will cut through it I am sure.
As for the cruise itself, well I have some huge plans and as always I will start letting you know more and more as we get ever closer…………are you joining us.?
On a serious and sad note.
I kindly ask that today you pause for thought and remember Robert and Suzann Schneider whose father passed away yesterday. Robert and Suzann have sailed with me 40 times and are regular readers of the blog and known to many of you. Their Father also cruised with us and he like his dear wife were huge Carnival fans. Mr. Schneider also served his country in the army through many campaigns ……………….Robert and Suzann……we are all thinking of you and send you our deepest sympathies.
So, this morning we began our slow journey around the Italian coast passing the towns of Camogli, Santa Margherita, Portofino, Vermazza, Portovenere and finally onto Lerdichi. Many of the small towns we passed are the home towns of the retired Captains and Chief Engineers who are sailing with us. I was on the bridge with them this morning and was hit by a huge wave of nostalgia. There was Captain Gavino who had been the Master of the Fantasy and Sensation in 1990 and 1993. The Sensation was the first ship I had the privilege of bringing from the shipyard and Captain Gavino was there to see me through that experience. He stood with me once again on the bridge and we chatted about the old days. I could see the glint in his eye as he surveyed all the sparkling new equipment that can be found on the bridge of today’s new vessels…………………I could also see a little sadness in his eyes and maybe he realised that now the command of the ship was someone else’s………….as I watched him I saw a man probably saying goodbye to a place that he had stood for many many years……………….and a place that without a doubt he missed terribly.
Then there is Captain Sartori who I once gave a Cuban cigar to back in 1994. He smoked it the following night and told me it was the best he had ever had. My reward was to be called to his cabin the following day whereupon he gave me stick made of poo to smoke…………….This pooey stick was actually a cigar called a Toscano and whereas the cigar I had given him had been rolled on the silky thigh of a Cuban goddess the Toscano had been rolled on big and hairy thigh of a woman from Tuscany.
Anyway, just the smell had me worried but when the Captain said ” come, sit, we smoke together” what followed was 45 minutes of sheer will power not to vomit in Captain Sartori’s hat……………………it was disgusting.
Still, today as we shook hands I not only remembered that story but I also was reminded of the total and utter respect that I had for him as a Captain to keep us safe.
Captain Gavino used to always invite me to sit with the passengers (as you were called back then) at his dinner table on formal nights. When I did I was assured of good conversation and the same joke which he always told just before the cherries jubilee arrived.
I should explain that the people from Genoa are allegedly not very free and easy with money……….in fact they are considered tight buggers like the Scots.
Anyway, Captain Gavino would tell the same joke every time and Chief Engineer Falcone, Chief Purser Francine and myself all had to pretend as though it was the first time we had ever heard it……………the joke went something like this.
There is a man from Genoa who is enjoying a morning skiing when suddenly a huge avalanche buries him under tons of snow. he is lying there, freezing and gasping for air. Just as he is about to give up all chance of being rescued he hears a digging sound from above him. As the digging noise gets close he manages to find a last breath and says “ who is that digging up there “………..a voice whispers back “its us from the Red Cross”
The man from Genoa manages a few last words “I already gave“
Fantastic.
Today, I watched as Captain Pagano navigates the ship through a flotilla of small boats to anchor off the coast of his beautiful home town. There he was, master of our new ship surrounded by friends and family all there to congratulate his success and wish a wonderful bon voyage to the Carnival Splendor……………..but as I watched Captain Pagano shake hands and accept plaques and all the glory I saw a certain sadness in his eyes………….this was wonderful but I knew he wished more than anything…………..that his Father could have been there to see him………to stand with him on the bridge of the newest ship in the world and say “ son………I am proud of you.
I am sure he is.
Here are some photos from today’s journey:
Home of Captain Pagano – Lerici
Boat selling ice cream and sodas
From left to right – Captain Gavino…….Captain Pagano and Captain Sartori
Goodnight
Your Friends
John and Heidi.
Filed under: Europe, Tales from the Ship, Travel | Tagged: Carnival Splendor, Genoa
Hi John & Heidi,
Please pass along my deepest sympathy to Robert & Suzann.
Great stories John. How’s your sister? Haven’t heard much from her lately. I’m sure she could fill us in on your schoolroom accomplishments. Don’t feel bad – I usually got the “could do better” comments too. I was usually staring out the windows during class or doodling.
Have a great trip,
Regards,
Carol
John:
In getting to know our “Big Ed’s Evil Krewe”…we have discovered that a couple of these brilliant ladies have worked with Extreme Make Over.
Perhaps there is still time for a joint effort for one blessed family in New Orleans on February 6th???
Just a thought…
Linda (Mom of two wonderfully brilliant sons in their own way)
There are so many things in life more important than getting an A. It’s true that many of the most successful people in life were not the best students. It also depends on what the meaning of success is to you. It is different for every person. My children have to graduate with honors from life. I m working on it. It is curious how many people see their flaws and not the good in them. Again, Im impressed in how you and I seemed to be connected. I was talking about all this with Eugenio just yesterday after some criticism. A parent always wonder if he is doing the right thing.
Your parents did good. They must be so proud!!
You words always help, friend. Thanks!!
Nanni
Hey John,
I think putting the hand dryers directly on top of waste bins is an Italian thing. I saw a number of them today in the Rome airport (FCO). Not as classy as the one on Splendor, but functional just the same.
bill
we can’t wait to be sailing Aug 6th….waiting in anticipation to find out how the first sailing goes and the ports of call……..we read everyday…waiting!
John, please assure Robert and Suzann that I am praying for them and their family. I’m sure that his father no longer needs our prayers as he is now in a far better place than any we could imagine on Earth.
The pictures of the departure from Lerici are beautiful. As you are, I’m sure that Capt. Pagano’s father is smiling.
The plans for the Blogger’s cruise sound wonderful. I can swing a hammer with the best of ‘em!! I am also exceptionally good at drinking Mojitos, should that job be open…
Pass my howdies along to Heidi and my thanks to Stephanie for all she does… Have a wonderful cruise!!
Ciao!!
Host Mach from Cruise Critic
Robert and Suzann Schneider, You have our deepest sympathy. May it comfort you to know your father had a meaningful and good life. Larry and Jeri
Please reply re. Bloggers cruise. Should we be making hotel reservations for Feb. 6th in some hotel? If so, which one. Will there be transportation from the airport to the hotel on the 6th?
John please give our condolences to Robert and Suzann. The lost of a parent is so hard to take.
In case you haven’t gotten the news yet, Adam is back in the hosptial with horrendous headaches and his BP is high and they haven’t gotten it under control yet. Ed has probably already passed the news on to you, but just case he hasn’t gotten in touch with you yet, I thought I would pass it on. Also to let the other bloggers know. There can never be too many prayers for friend in need.
I was so glad to see that Heidi will be on the BC with us. I was afraid that since she was going to start being a homemaker, that she wouldn’t be on the cruise with us. That makes me happy….. get to see Heidi again.
Hi to your Mum, Dad, and sis
Carolyn
I would like to offer my deepest condolences to Robert & Suzann I will keep them in my prayers.
John just a quick question will the Carnival Splendor have a webcam and if so will there be a link to it on this site?
Our deepest sympathy to Robert & Suzann.
Lovely pictures of Italy’s coast.
Please reply: We are sailing on the Glory this fall and there are rumors that it is getting the huge outdoor LCD TV. Any idea if it’s true and when?
Robert and Suzann,
Praying God’s comfort and peace on your family.
My deepest sympathies to Robert and Suzann at this most difficult. Please know my thoughts are with you.
More! More! More! information about the blogger’s cruise…please, please, please!
As I always say, its not the piece of paper (a report card or College degree) Its who and what’s behind it. Too many of us have seen 4.0 GPA and that person cannot tie their own shoes….. Its the person we all have to get to know.
Enjoy our new ship and Crew………
John, our prayers and thoughts go out to Robert, Suzann and the whole Schneider family on their loss.
On the plans for New Orleans
1. I’m glad Heidi will be joining us. But I thought you were going to arrive on the 5th.
2. I think I still can screw in a light bulb.
3. Dinner! we will a be celebrating all the weight loss goals that we met.
BIG ED
Deepest sympathies to Robert & Suzann.
I will miss the New Orleans adventure and I’m upset about that as I will be on the Splendor for the first of the B2B South America. So who will be the CD when you and Heidi get off?
Thanks for the beautiful pics again…Ice cream boat?
Deepest sympathies to Robert & Suzann.
I am sorry for your loss.
John it must have been wonderfull for the Captain to Sail his ship to his home town, I look forward t o the day that I can do something like that Here in Boston Harbor.
Capt Bill
John and Heidi…..Best wishes on the first sailings of the Splendor…We hope to see you onboard soon.We are excited and counting the days down until the Bloggers cruise….to Robert and Suzanne… we are praying for the family and wish you well.
Now John…last night I spent a good while looking at all the thousand or so pictures on your facebook page of Carnival employees,pictures,repremands,and all sorts of stuff….Wow what a history lesson and how neat it was to see some of the pioneers and styles that have come to make Carnival what it is today…I was entertained for a good hour or so….Thanks for putting those up for us to see.
Have a good day!!
Mark,Amanda and Catie
Our deepest sympathy to the entire Schneider family during this tragic loss. It is never easy to lose anyone especially a parent
I am glad to see that things are going well on the Splendor for you. I had to laugh about your being honest with Heidi on how she looked. Kevin was in the dog house this past weekend for being honest! (Not really cause I know the shorts made me look bad) but he didn’t have to say it!
Glad to hear some info on the upcoming 2009 BC. We are all so excited and can’t wait for it to get here. Dinner sounds GREAT, we can celebrate all of the hard work we have done to get those extra pounds off. (I am struggling but I will get there, seems like when you only have 15 to go it is so hard)
Keep up the awesome work on the blog and hello to Heidi!
Blessings
Cindy & Kevin
Hi John,
I’m sure you’re happy to finally have a regular cruise to be on.
Our condolences to Robert and Suzann.
We have the Dream booked for 2/13/09 for a Valentine’s Day cruise. I called yesterday to make sure it would roll over from the Glory and to pick my cabin.
We leave for London on Sunday and we’re getting really excited.
See you and Heidi soon,
Linda & George
Heart felt sympathies for Robert and Family during these trying times. John beautiful pictures and I’m sure captain Paganos father is watching saying well done son. With great pride. Can’t wait to her more about Blogger’s cruise. Best wishes Gary and Bug
John -
I read this blog with sadness – both for the Schneider’s loss and for the knowledge that, had we not canceled the reservation, we would be enroute to Genoa today, with plans to board the newly launched Carnival Splendor, with the great Senior Cruise Director, John Heald. Allow me some self pity for a moment.
Jon
john, heidi and all the bloggers thank you for the great and kind words, my dad was a pow and he was a proud american that served this country.
Deepest Sympathies to Robert & Suzann for their loss
deepest sympathy to robert and suzanne… i understand the loss of a parent, prince charlie and i have both lost ours and it is so sad.
bonnie and prince charlie
Hi John,
Robert and Suzann remain in our thoughts and prayers, may God grant them peace and comfort from the pain of loss.
Eva
John,
Mom and I and many of the Blogger Krewe are arriving on the 5th, so we will be ready and able for the good work on the 6th!!!
Can’t wait for more details, and thank you very much for the invitation to dinner, we accept! )
Mom says if you ever get here to OKC she will expect you and Heidi for dinner, and make you the best meatballs you’ve ever had…))
The pics of Italy are lovely, keep em comin please!!
Love you all,
Eva
Our deepest sympathies go out to Robert and Suzann.
It must have been a great moment for Captain Pagano to sail the majestic Splendor past his home town.
Great blog as usual thank you for all your work.
Hello to Heidi and Stephanie
Papanh
John…
!!!!!! >>>>> RSVP ALERT <<<<< !!!!!!
I would like to formally RSVP. I send my most EXCITED ACCEPTANCE to dine with you on the evening of the 6th. I expectantly await more information.
Additionally, I am quite handy and an experienced volunteerer. Aim me at a task and I’ll “Git-R-Done.” Administratively, I’m quite adept, but I am trainable and a quick study! Just tell me when and where you need me!!
My prayers are continuous for Robert and family!! We heard about his loss yesterday and my heart broke. I didn’t know his father, but I know how it hurt when I lost my dad and also when I lost my husband… It is a part of life, but it’s one of the tougher parts to accept and understand!!! It takes faith to keep going… God Bless you!!!
John, take care of yourself and know how much we’re praying for you and supporting you in your weight loss and SHIP SHAPE body!!! I look forward to cuddle and hug when we meet!! :-O
Regards to you, Heidi, and Mistress Stephanie!!!
Lambie
John,
HOw about some pictures and thoughts about the new ship. We are scheduled on the transatlantic sailing and would like to know about the ship.
cruzman
John,
. Is there a hotel that you are planning on using and if so what hotel. I know most of us Evil (K)Crew members have booked one already but if the price is right I’m sure we might change over. Let us know, when you have something firm as far as a hotel. best to everyone of course. Great blog today nice to hear stories about when you were a student but I’m sure sister Sue could tell us even better stories, where is she hiding lately. Best to Heidi,
Ok did you buy ice cream (gelato) from the boat selling it come on tell the truth. Also great to get some news about the upcoming bloggers cruise in 09. Can’t wait for that one I keep counting the days. Even happier to know Heidi will be there so we can finally meet. Now from what I’ve seen of Heidi in pictures via the blog she could never look frumpy mate, sorry. Robert and Suzanne I am sorry to hear the news and you will be in my thoughts. Adam of course has been for a while but he is where he should be for this right now. ED are you sure you can still screw in a light bulb that might require work and well you don’t do that any more now do you
Kevin
John,
They should make you a captain!!! John Heald, Captain, M/S Carnival Dream.
Peace Out,
BigMike
Blog Security
Hi everybody,
I am so glad that Heidi will be joining you on the bloggers cruise. I talked to my PVP, Jason, today. He gave me some info and some pricing on the Dream. Didn’t book anything…not yet! I was so sorry to hear about the passing of the Schneiders Dad.
The Italian coast sur did look beautiful in those pictures. My sister is in Rome right now. She arrived in Italy(Cinqueterre) last Friday.
Ciao,
Sue from Narrowsburg
My deepest sympathies to the Schneider family on their loss.
I am so looking forward to the blogger cruise in February. I know the bloggers are going to be anxious to do the community project also. That is what my husband is looking forward to the most.
I hope you and Heidi have a great sailing season aboard the Splendor. I can hardly wait to sail on her in November. I hope you and Heidi will still be there when we cruise on November 29 with Carolyn and Don. Until next time…big hugs to the both of you.
Gloria aka Sue
Not sure if I missed it but what was the total count for the guests on this 2 day sailing who actually showed up?
Good luck John. I have no doubt you will be as funny as ever in your Welcome Aboard show… and every show after that!
Looking forward to laughing with you in less than 2 weeks!
Our deepest sympathies to Robert and Suzann. We will keep their family in our prayers.
The pics you posted today are fabulous!!!! Keep them coming!
Lori and Tom
My sympathies to Robert and Suzann.
What was the total count of pax on the shakedown cruise?
Fantastic pix from Italy’s coast…just beautiful!
Did the trash can get moved? I laughed so hard at that video!
Julie
John & Heidi,
We’ll see you in just over a week..gotta get outta here……. 2 weeks > 110F!!!!
Hope the A/C works on the Splendor !!
John, As you are certainly aware as the Brother of Suzanne and Brother-in-law of Robert we also pray that they find peace in knowing that Roberts father is in a better place.
Thank you for thinking of both Suzanne and Robert.
Jim
Hi John/Heidi:
My condolences to Robert and Suzann. I will be thinking of them.
Great blog today. I feel like I was along for the ride as the group of captain were able to relieve their memorable experiences. Wonderful stories and pictures too. Thanks!
I’m hoping we can make the New Orleans trip next year. If anything, it would be great just to fly out and spend the day with you guys before you board if we can’t make it happen.
Hope all is going well and looking forward to chatting soon.
Thanks for posting,
David
John,
First, my deepest sympathy going out to the Schneiders and their family. It was a pleasure to meet them on the first bloggers cruise, and I wish their family a fast healing process.
Secondly, great to hear the news about the bloggers cruise. I can’t wait!
Third, just to let everyone know that I am alive and well. Someone posted on the blog of my illness that I can’t seem to kick. Thanks to everyone for their prayers, and hopefully I’ve kicked it this time!
–Adam
Hello John & Heidi,
I do catch your blog from time to time and get a big chuckle at your Healdisms! You can still tell the tall ones! Anyway, I read about your blog on Captains Pagano, Gavino and Sartori on the CCL Purser site and had to check it out. Wow, it’s been 11 years since I worked with all three and they still look great! True gentlemen, and true seafarers. I can still remember Captain Sartori’s courage and skill sailing through Hurricane Hugo in 1989. As I said then, I’d sail to end of the earth under him. I hope their enjoying their retirement now, they certainly deserve it after 50 years at sea!
All the best to you and Heidi; and pass along our prayers to Robert and Suzann. I know how attached we became to some of the passengers (or guests as they are now addressed as).
Keep up the good work! Even as an Asst. Bar Manager I knew you were the most enteraining guy on board. I’ll critique the CD on the VALOR next week and fill you in!
Stay well and wishing you smoothing sailing,
Andy & Kathryn Arena
John,
Firstly, please pass my condolences to Robert and Suzann Schneider. I have not been online in a while and did not see this until today. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.
Secondly, great photos as usual! I remember those good ol’ days with report cards and grades. I remember that if I failed a test a parent would have to sign it and return it to my teacher. I also remember forging their signatures… there were times where I got away and other times that I didn’t. Although, I remember one time I did forge it and the teacher called the house to verify that she saw the failing test… Those were the good ol’ days.
Have a great day!
Cheers,
Alex G.
John,
Thank you for bringing back such good memories for me, when I worked on board with these Captains as well. It’s been along time since I’ve seen you, too. You were the C.D. on the ship when I got engaged, before I left CCL…and my 17th wedding anniversary is coming up soon. Time certainly flies by! Wishing you continued smooth sailings!
Maxine H.