I met a kid yesterday………….not just any kid…………..but a kid called Thor. His Dad named him Thor because he didn’t want his son to be called any normal name……..Tom, Dick, Harry or John. So, he was named of the Norski God of Thunder …………Thor.
Thor is 8 years old and has autism………….and as his mother wrote in a letter to me…………….he has a special talent. So, on the morning show we spoke to Thor and tested his talent out live on TV………………………………and WOW.
I had ten people tell Thor their birthdate and year and Thor is able to calculate what day of the week each person was born on. So, I had random people call in and tell Thor ……….and he got 10 out of 10. Thor can also tell you what day of the week your birthday will be on for the next 50 years.
His Mum told me that he sits and reads Calendars……….they are his favorite thing. I was mesmerized not just by his ability but by his smile which was as wide as me.
Thor maybe be called “special” in some circles and it was obvious to me that this kid is indeed special and blessed in so many ways………..he made my cruise very very special.
So, I have started to write my speech………………..and I gave up……………..I sat here just trying to write and as easily as the words flow when I blog I am suffering from speech constipation…………nothing will come out.
I have my bullet points:
Welcome everyone
Thank the crew
Talk about the Royal Navy
Mention the special sparkling wine we are using
Thank my mum and dad
Introduce Mr. Cahill
Introduce the Priest
Introduce Myleene
Start the ceremony
But, its what to say…………should I try and be funny?……………….should I be serious?……………….should I …………you know what…………..I am just going to make it up when I get onto the stage. Honestly, I think that’s what I am going to do. Sometimes, spontiaity…….spontanaierty……….spntanairety………….making it up as you go along is the best way to go.
Preparations are now in full swing. It looks like the weather has won and even the Lovely Lisa my favorite weather girl told me this morning that the sun had buggered off on vacation leaving Mr. Wind and Mrs. Rain in charge. Therefore the dome is closed and all acoustics and planning are based on this. We are building a stage on Lido Deck and this is where I will preach my sermon from with Myleene, The Captain and Mr. Cahill seated next to me. Meanwhile the distinguished guests will “mingle” chatting about Hedge funds and Bentleys…………………..it will be a great party.
Here are some photos:
However, I must admit that I do not like parties……………..and my hatred for parties with large groups of people comes from Ugly Alan and I never being invited to any when we were on the hunt for the ladies and most of all from the time I worked in the city of London……………..the dreaded Christmas Office party.
When I was working in an office, starting in January every year, the staff would each save 1 pound a week for the annual yuletide knees-up.
By July they would have enough for the prawn cocktail and by September they were dizzy with anticipation about the first glass of Baileys. I never understood why.
I still don’t. The notion that you turn off your computer at 6 pm and at 6:01 pm are making merry with people you don’t like very much over a paper cup of Asti Spumante seems very odd to me.
They are not your friends or you would have seen them socially at some point during the year. So why think for a moment that the evening will be anything other than hell? Christmas these days is almost completely ruined by the office party. The streets become full of ordinary people who have suddenly lost the ability to walk in a straight line. And the atmosphere in every restaurant is firebombed by the table of 60 who order food not for its taste but its aerodynamic efficiency as they mix a plate of Lasagna with 15 Red Bull and Vodkas.
I remember I went to one last year while I was home. It was my mate Danny’s and he had made the mistake of allowing his party to be organized by a girl of 19. Never, ever let the firm’s party be organized by the most junior member of the team because their idea of a good night out — silly hats, rave music and lots of vomit — is likely to be far removed from yours.
You think you have nothing to talk about with the man who drives the forklift in the warehouse, but you have even less in common with the office juniors.
Your houseplants, for instance, are alive — but you can’t smoke any of them. There is more food in your fridge than booze. You hear your favourite songs when you’re in the lift and you have no desire to see the fat bloke from accounts photo copy his arse.
The second thing about the works party is rumpy pumpy.
Why? You sit opposite the ugly Becky for 48 weeks and find her as sexually attractive as Wart Hog. So how come, after three glasses of warm Asti Spumante, she suddenly becomes Angelina Jolie?
Anyway, as mentioned our party will be a little more civilized but if I have my way a whole lot of fun.
The guest list is a whose who of the cruise industry with the Presidents of Princess, Costa, P & O, Seabourn, Cunard, Carnival UK, AIDA, Holland America and of course our own President and CEO, Gerry Cahill. Looking on will be Mr. Micky Arison who know doubt must be very proud at the addition of another Carnival ship and the fact that all the sister companies are together to share in our special event. Come to think of it he may be concerned that having all the Presidents together may encourage some very jealous competitors to fly over the ceremony and drop one of their unused climbing walls on their heads while a drunken Norwegian sprays graffiti on the bow of the ship.
Back to today and I had to call on all my will power to be nice……………..we are in France…………near Paris…………and I had to host the plaque exchange ceremony. This was the fifth such event so far and the hardest. You know, many people probably think that I am cruel when I have one or two times maybe had a go at the Frenchies. Today, was another reason why.
First of all the party was scheduled for 11 am……………they arrived at 11:40 am ……………. with no apology.
Then, once proceedings started I welcomed them aboard in English and was ……………are you ready for this……………….heckled…………….yes…………….heckled by a lady in the second row of the forty guests present……………….”parlez Francais” shouted Madamme Le Rude……………at this point I had two choices……….ignore her…………..or use the only French I know which ummmmmm…………..basically translates into inviting her back to my cabin for some rumpy pumpy………….I decided to ignore her……………..only because she had been severely beaten by the ugly stick.
Anyway, we then moved on to the plaque presentation where normally we are presented with a gold or silver or wooden plaque by various dignitaries. The first was a representation of the town of La Havre …………..where the Captain was presented not with a plaque but with………… a book……………in French………..that had something to do with cheese and surrendering……………………..in French………………….sorry but that’s just pure arrogance……………….and…………….I am not kidding…………………I promise and swear this is true………………..it still had the price tag stuck to the back cover ………………… 24 euros…………….”sacra bleu”
Anyway, after the ceremony, I stood with the Captain shaking hands with everyone as they left. As the lady who had heckled me walked past she said something ………in French of course………………which basically was probably some kind of insult ……………… so…………….being the gracious host I extended my hand and hoping she didn’t speak any English I smiled……bowed my head slightly and said “Bugger Off “
She did
And so now will I to write my speech.
Stephanie will now tell you how you can hopefully see the ceremony and I will report back live tomorrow with some video.
Hi Everyone,
We’re very excitied about sharing this splendid day with you. The festivities begin at around 1:30 pm local time, so 8:30 am EST. So all you early birds can visit John’s blog and tune in for our live blog coverage. Because of internet connectivity issues we won’t be streaming any video, but we will have live blogging with your interaction- you can submit questions, comments and vote on polls. We will have photos and videos posted throughout the day. The live blogging will be broadcast simultaneously on John’s blog and the Carnival Splendor’s online home at www.carnival.com/splendor. And if you can’t make it, don’t worry the session will be recorded so you can watch at anytime within the next few days. See you tomorrow!
Goodnight
Your friends
John and Heidi
Filed under: Europe, Tales from the Ship, Travel | Tagged: Carnival Splendor, Splendor
John… did you really expect more from the French? I wonder if they had the most junior member of the office in La Havre pick out the gift… 24 Euros, eh? What a commitement… ugh…
I’ll be tuned in and watching as the ceremony commences!! Quite a bummer about no video… I feared that they would have to drag in a couple OC48s worth of bandwidth to manage it… Will the video of the ceremony eventually be posted somewhere??
Wing it, John! I’m sure you’ll be at your very best!!
Host Mach
It seems lately I am the first comment of each maybe is due to the fact that im on vacation and doing nothing apart of virtually cruising with John and Bill.
Ok, John just be yourself you are going to be wonderful. Don’t write anything. Love this part of the blog
Brilliant!!
“drop one of their unused climbing walls on their heads while a drunken Norwegian sprays graffiti on the bow of the ship.”
And the part about the French OMG, it is soooooo agh! to expect that everyone has to know their language. Respect that’s what they need.
Ok Im off to Zydeco page to see whats new.
Outstanding, John! It’s like you declared war on the French, and I expect the entire army to surrender to you!
BTW Stephanie I’ll be here tomorrow 9:30 sharp. Thanks for everything. It means a lot. I have to put my alarm clock ahhhh though.
It’s amazing the degree of rudeness people can display. I am sorry you had to endure that scene but it should have made you chuckle when you saw the price tag still on the book!
Can’t wait to see the ceremony! Thank you John, Heidi and Stephanie for all the hard work and keeping us informed. The photos and videos are awesome and the website by zydecocruiser with all his ship info, Capers and excursions photos ROCKS!
John: Please reply.
I just ran over an interesting website about the worth of blogging websites, you can find it here: http://www.business-opportunities.biz/projects/how-much-is-your-blog-worth/
I thought that you would find it interesting that your blog is worth……..wait for it……..$34,000.00!!!!! Can you believe that? Impressive hugh? I couldnt believe it. I think you should start your next blog with that information because it shows how popular you are. Impressive!! Congrats!!
HAPPY 50TH ANNIVERSARY
NEV AND HILDA HEALD
We wish you many more happy years and thank you so very much for your son John who we all adore.
Pat and “Big” Ed Konefe
PS To all
I put a post on my blog for everyone to post a comment with all their wishes to the Heald’s. Just click on my name above to go to my blog
Hi John
Just getting sorted for our trip to splendor tomor.
Dave is busy sorting his suit (why do men leave everything to the last minute) told him to look smart for the naming ceremony or else i am going on my own and will find myself a nice navy man!! so excited, I am sure your speech will be fantastic, so don’t worry, promise we want heckle!!
till tomorrow, leaving nice and early will look out for your parents.
take care
Michellexx
dude! i have to tell you last year on our med cruise we never got off the ship in france. didn’t want to spend one cent there… just sayin’.
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
Hey John,
Do you think this lady (?) has read your blog??? *LOL*
Ciao, Kathleen
John:
Bravo for telling the French witch to Bugger Off!!
To bad you did not have a business card to hand her that said in French “just be thankful it wasn’t in German…no thanks to you folks!!”
A very Happy 50th Anniversay to your Mum and Dad.
I saved the best for last. How blessed Thor is to have such wonderful parents. How blessed they are to be entrusted by God with such a very special little boy. As the Mom of a now 17 year old with Autism, I can tell you that there is not a purer heart than the heart of these very special children. David and I are very proud that God entrusted us with his care.
We know you will make us all proud tomorrow.
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
Hey John,
I have an idea for your speech, just have the Gentalman ( the comidian for the other night) just saunter up and do the skit again…. I have not stoped laughing….. you can really cook up some great stuff. as always be safe and have fun
Capt Bill
Looking forward to the Carnival Splendor Christening tomorrow. Don’t know if I will be watching it while I am at work, but Stephanie says it will be available to view for a few days anyway. John, just be your ever funny self, humor goes a long way. About that French lady, it’s funny but my father knew that same line in French! You know the one – rumpy bumpy! HA! HA! Linda & Mike
Oooh we get to be there!! Can’t wait!! Just speak from your heart John, and you can’t go wrong, darling man!!
And add “Thank Heidi” to your notes please…I’m just sayin’…
Wow, Happy 50th Anniversary to Mum and Dad!! Please tell them they raised a fine son and daughter, not that they don’t know already…it’s always nice to hear again…heartfelt congratulations to them!!
Can’t wait until the morning!!
Thank you Stephanie and Tom!
Love you all!
Eva
Re the French arrival…..”First of all the party was scheduled for 11 am……………they arrived at 11:40 am ……………. with no apology.”
Were they on ship time or “French” time ?
Kinda like the folks in Cozumel who spend too much time at C & C’s and realize the ship is about to sail away!
Phil & Liz
Won’t the ceremony be at 8:30 am EST, due to a 5 hour time difference?
G’day John….
….you’ll get over it!
……….H.E.L.P…..PLEASE…..I have no idea where to start but one of my sailing mates on another booked cruise….22nd March 2009….Panamaniacs 
…….told me to contact you…………….????????????
I have no idea where I should be posting this….here’s as good a place as any & I’m sure I’ll get told where I should have posted anyway……a bit of reverse Aussie humor…..
OK……nuff said……
We are sailing on the Valor on 12th Oct 2008…actually doing a B2B East & West Caribbean…well it IS a long way from Brisbane, Down Under you know, gotta make the most of it….
We’ve been getting to know peoples on Cruise Critic Valor 12th Oct 2008 Roll Call & we’d like to arrange a meet & greet, probably for sailaway…..I’ve ended up with this ‘organisation’ (spelt with an S here not a Z like over there) by default….. so a quick slight of hand…..we call it handballing towards you
Cheers mate!
Happy anniversary to Mr and Mrs Heald. Many more to come.
See you and Heidi in 29 days, but who’s counting?
Danny and Jennifer
Happy 50th!! You have a wonderful & giving son, so I know you are proud. Happy, happy day.
Jan
John,
. And of course Stephanie and Tom (the mystery man).
See mate you need to visit places for these ceremony’s that believe in showering and deodorant. Glad to hear you made it through the day with Pepi. Too bad the Splendor isn’t going to visit NY on her way to Florida, we would give you something nice I’m sure. Not some book on cheese and wine. Good luck tomorrow I can’t wait to see the live blog feed that is going to happen. Flash back to the Bloggers Cruise. Have fun. Hello the Heidi who I can’t wait to see a blog from soon, please
Kevin
Would like to put the French lady together with someone from Texas…now that would be a show! Love the live video feeds, I haven’t posted much the past few months, but have been reading faithfully since day one. Thanks for bringing so much laughter into each day.
I look forward to seeing the video of the christening. I hope the weather holds up. Its looking good right now in London. Have a great day John and see you on 18th August. x
John…
Aren’t parties a hoot! We are all people underneath it all!! Whether our bank acounts have 3 zeros or multi-mega zeros… Whether we are beautiful, botoxed and suntanned or regular, normal folks… Underneath it still take blood and a beating heart to keep us here…
People watching and inter-acting… That’s the fun part of parties!!!
Have a wonderful Naming Ceremony… I’m praying all is PERFECT.. We already know you’ll be SUPER!!!
God Bless you and the SPLENDOR!!!!
Lambie
Hi John,
As you are comming back to Le Havre one more time this year in September do put this book on display together with all the other plaques beeing presented. Perhaps some French might be ashamed seeing their present.
Only 111 days to go.
Ralf
Great blog today, John. Thor sounds like an amazing kid. I can hardly keep my dates straight, let alone tell you what day of the week they fall on (without actually looking at the calendar)!
As to Msm. Rude, next time remind “Le Francais” if it wasn’t for we English-spaeking Yanks and Brits, THEY’D be “sprechen Deutsch.” Either that or offer to bring some re-enactors down for a redo of Agincourt…
Hi JOhn/Heidi:
Great blog today and a wonderful job with the naming ceremony.
Thanks for including us in the whole process.
I really enjoyed getting the chance to follow along.
Hope everything is going well and looking forward to catching up soon.
Enjoy that great weather and stay warm!
Take care,
David