I met a man today who was not very nice and not very pleasant. He has been beyond demanding since day one and has been extremely rude and nasty to the waiters and service staff.
He is staying in one of our top suites and after continuing to be not very nice and not very pleasant he told me that he just paid $35,000 for one week in a hotel in Barbados…………I fainted.
When I came to he told me that for paying what he had paid for this cruise he expected to be treated as a “first class” guest and to have everything else complimentary…..Supper Club, Drinks, Casino Chips, Driving the Ship, 12 Latvian ladies and all the gold he could eat.
I explained that while we appreciated his patronage Carnival has no “class system” and that every guest is special. Anyway, we have since showered him with gifts although from what I understand he still wants more and actually threatened our staff to call the President of Carnival Gerry Cahill if he didn’t get what he wanted……..we said we would be happy to pay for that call………..he, of course, didn’t call him.
While I understand that when you pay lots of money for the best of everything you expect the best of everything but to demand things for free…………well, it’s a little tacky to say the least. I
During my conversation with him he kept on and on about this hotel and all I could think was who the heck is going to pay $35,000 for clean sheets and a bagel anyway………………….apparently this chap does as he told me about 35,000 times during our conversation…………the thing is, I know the hotel he allegedly just stayed at and had my own “experience” there.
There is a very famous hotel in Barbados. It’s called ………..well……..I had better not say……….but it’s where all the rich and tanned stay when they are on the island. It is supposedly one of the most prestigious hotels in the world and recently after getting off the Emerald Princess in Barbados and before our flight back to the UK……………
Heidi and I decided to treat ourselves to lunch there. Now, although I am not a jet set traveler I certainly new I couldn’t just turn up and say “Hello mate, table for two please”……this certainly wasn’t The Waffle Hut Mon ………so I called ahead and was told that I needed to give a credit card number from which would be deducted $100 if I didn’t turn up………bloody hell…….$100 just for not showing up!
When we arrived we were shown by a security guard to a man who showed us to a woman who showed us to another man. This sounds great but unfortunately were still in the taxi. Obviously they were all very confused that someone had shown up in a cab rather than a stretch limo, a helicopter or someone so rich they had walked…..on water.
Eventually a huge man with the word security blazoned across his yellow polo shirt bent down to the window and said …………”yes”……………He had one of those pieces of wire hanging from his ear and he probably thought it made him look like he was in the Secret Service when actually it just made him look deaf….so I shouted “MR AND MRS. HEALD……….WE HAVE A BOOKING FOR LUNCH”…………………
He seemed quite taken aback that I had screamed at him and was probably deciding whether to rip my arms off and use them to rake up the leaves……… but eventually after speaking to his wrist……………… the gates opened and we were in.
I had told Heidi that we would probably see famous people ……….supermodels………..actors who have played Bond ……….Simon Bowell……..Ryan Seacrap or even George Hamilton. Imagine my disappointment therefore that the restaurant was not exactly full and the tables that were occupied were taken by……..well……….people who were not stars.
At one table was a lottery winner………this may seem cruel but he looked like a fish out of water. He was dressed in a British soccer shirt and baggy shorts and had a large tattoo of a snake on his arm. His wife had a T-Shirt with no sleeves called a tank top which was the write thing for her to wear considering she was indeed…………. the size of a tank.
They looked bewildered a the vast array of cutlery on the table and in the end Mr Tank gave up deciding which knife and fork to eat his shrimp cocktail with and just used his fingers.
At the table next to him was a man who may not have been Sean, Roger, or Pierce but obviously thought he was James Bond as he was dressed in white pants and white jacket with a white shirt and of course ……white shoes. Now, he was talking on a mobile phone and was talking so loudly that he didn’t actually need to call as I am sure the man in New York he was talking to could hear him.
He was shouting about sending something to his suite and buy this and sell that………he kept looking up at us and the Lottery Winner as if to make sure we were listening……….it was then that I looked at my cell phone which said………..”no service”………none of the 20 plus people in the restaurant were on their phones and unless this man had some top secret device built into his Nokia………..he was talking to no bugger at all.
Heidi and I were having a laugh at this when the menus arrived………..we new it would be expensive but had no idea how much……..and we still didn’t as the menu had no prices on it…………maybe it was free.
I remember to this day what I ordered. The starter was beef Carpaccio which when it arrived looked like a someone had used a pencil sharpener on a cows hoof …….it was supermodel thin. I tried to eat it with a knife……..then a fork…………and eventually gave up and……….I am not kidding here………….I picked the plate up and licked it off………what did it taste like ………… ummm ………… meat………..but only for a second.
We asked for a bottle of water and expected the usual “still or with gas “routine. ………..not here……….we got a menu……….a water menu. Feeling brave I ordered one I had never heard of before and when the waiter brought it to the table it looked like something out of …….well………..a Bond movie…………something that would need defusing. And so the waiter went through a routine of disarming the water bottle and then poured about a quarter of an inch worth into my glass…….. and then he stopped……..he looked at me………….and I looked at him………….silence…………..he just stared at me…………..was he in love?…………..had my Bells Palsy returned?
It was after about 50 minutes of us just staring at each other that I realised that he wanted me to taste the water as one would do wine…………..to prove this theory correct I asked “Do you want me to taste it?”……….to which the waiter replied” I need to make sure it’s fine for sir”…………..I replied………..”Well, unless you just got it out of the President of France’s bath tub I am sure its fine “……………he ignored me and continued to pour more water.
Drinking water is though easier than getting rid of it. The bathroom was manned by someone dressed in a full dinner jacket and tie who offers you a choice of toilet paper and various bottles of smelly stuff………..I had seen this before in various establishments and while I had been getting rid of the sliver of beef I had fished out a dollar. it was while I was washing my hands and drying them on the towel which tuxedo man had given me that I noticed his tip bowl was full of $10 and $20 bills……….there wasn’t a dollar bill insight………….saying no thanks to an offer of Chanel perfume for men I laid a dollar bill in the pot and walked away……….half expecting a bottle of Channel to come flying past my ear.
And then the check came……….which was just to funny for words……………it came to $277…………three numbers forever etched on my memory………..the lobster salad Heidi had ordered was ………….$88………………$88……..for that money I wanted the lobster to get up off the plate and do Jimmy Cagney impressions………….$88……..it hadn’t and had instead just sat there in a middle of a bed of lettuce … dead……………..$88!
I am sure that people like the man in our suite this week have no problem paying that kind of money just for lunch……….imagine what the rooms must cost. However, places like this hotel are brilliant……..because they act like a big black hole and suck in all the rude and obnoxious people in the world………..we know where they are……..and that means we can go somewhere else…………..like on a cruise where everybody is treated like a 1st class guest whether they are staying in the smallest inside cabin or a penthouse.
I want to show you the last of the Norwegian photos taken by Mrs. Bentley. These include a shot of the largest Oil Rig in the world under construction……….P&O’s beautiful ship Oceania sailing through some of the most stunning areas of this most stunning of countries. Thank you again Mr and Mrs. Bentley and we wish you a safe journey home to Idaho and the potato farm.
World’s Largest Oil Drilling Platform Under Construction
Flor & Fjaere Botanical Gardens
Flor & Fjaere Botanical Gardens
Flor & Fjaere Botanical Gardens
The Family Owners of the Flor & Fjaere Botanical Gardens
Let’s have a look at some letters as we present…………………IN THEIR OWN WORDS.
As you can see, the topic of not having a chapel and or a priest onboard has come up again. I am trying to arrange something in one of the ports of call but regardless I think that on these longer voyages this is something we may need to investigate doing. I know it will make a lot of people happy especially if we could include an interdenominational service as well as a Catholic mass. I will see what we can do.
I would like you to meet very special gentlemen. There are only a very few names that when mentioned earn immediate and utter respect in the cruise industry. People like Ted Arison, Micky Arison, Julie McCoy and John Heald……….OK……….I am kidding of course – forget Julie.
Seriously though, one such name that demands that respect is the name Mr. Meshulam Zonis. Mr. Zonis started with carnival from day one and for many years was our Senior Vice President of…well…..everything to do with the ships and the operation of the fleet.
The fact that everyone still calls him Mr. Zonis and not by his first name………..which most of us don’t know…………shows you the total respect that everyone has for him. Well, Mr. Zonis is retired now and his legacy lives on. This week he sailing with his wife………..ummm……..Mrs. Zonis………and today we had a special dinner to celebrate his birthday. Here is Mr. Zonis with Captain Pagano…………happy birthday Mr Zonis and on behalf of everyone at Carnival Cruise Lines…………..we say a big thank you to you for all you have done.
Well, the beer festival went well and everyone seems happy. Apart from the 44 people who are missing luggage everyone dressed up for the cruise elegant night and as I walked the decks and talked to people at the parties everyone seemed happy. I encouraged the 44 people to come to the party………I made a special announcement as I always do to make sure they know that they should not stay in their cabin but come to the festivities………..and they did…..and that was nice to see. I hope they all get their luggage very soon.
SOMEONE SENT ME THIS TODAY FROM ONE OF THE BOARDS.
Private Russian tours- The BS from Carnival continued right through the cruise and if you do not have the nerve to “rock the boat” you will be left in the rear. They really push hard to sell their tours but the threat of being left on board, or leaving quite late, is a bit over the top IMO. If you, or others in your group, are uncomfortable with not following “orders” I would strongly suggest you take the ship’s tours. Otherwise you have to make your way to Deck 0 once they announce the first Carnival tours, we used the elevator from deck 3, at that point insinuate yourselves into the mass of people and totally disregard the immigration signs that refer to Carnival tours as the authorities do not care in the least whether you are, or are not, with Carnival. Some in our group were not happy with this arrangement and would have started the 7:30 tour two hours late but we drub them along. Be advised this is not easy for everyone.
For the record I want to say once again the facts about Russia as stipulated by the Russian authorities.
Anyone can disembark and enjoy St.Petersburg if they have purchased a tour through the ship…………or have a private tour with proof of the booking………….or have a Russian visa. Everyone needs a Passport and one photocopy of the passport picture page
By the way, I have been enjoying reading about Holland America’s Captain Albert. He has been writing a blog about his adventures in Alaska. If you have not read it yet you really should. It gives a brilliant and exclusive “view from the bridge.” Here is the link thingy.
http://www.hollandamerica.com/main/Main.action - Then click on Captain Albert’s blog. Enjoy.
Now, it always amazes me that people are surprised and angry that we promote our tours onboard…………why is this such a surprise?
We are a public company and therefore answerable to shareholders and ……….more importantly …………..we have a wonderful, exciting and safe excursion program not just in Europe but in all of our ports of call. I do not issue “orders” as this person states but yes………..and I make no apologies for this…………promote our tours. I am proud of our program.
As for Carnival guests getting off first………..well yes………that’s what we have set up with Immigration and if people have an early morning private tour then all they have to do is tell someone and we will arrange debarkation immediately for them. I am afraid this person is “rocking the boat” and getting all fired up………….for nothing.
I apologize if they felt angry or upset and wish they had spoken with me while onboard. It was our first time in St. Petersburg and lessons were learned. This cruise we have over 2,200 people on Carnival purchased tours in St.Petersburg and I know they will have a great time.
So, my cold is apparently and according to people in white coats and with letters after their name………….down to stress and exhaustion and my immune system being buggered. The Doctor told me today I needed lots of rest, vitamins and………….because I was tense………..a massage.
Let’s start with the lots of rest………ummm…….not that easy. “Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen, today there is bugger all going on as I am in bed…….have a nice day at sea”…………………
OK, so the vitamins……well, considering I already take three pills a day and that I sometimes forget to take those, asking me to take more pills is as pointless as asking Donald Trump if he watches Who Wants To be A Millionaire…….and then the massage……..OK, lets discuss that one.
I have seen Emmanuelle in Bangkok (9 times) and thinking it may be a pleasurable experience I gave in and decided to as the Doctor and Heidi had suggested…..I would go to the incredible Cloud 9 spa and have………….a massage.
My first disappointment was that unlike the movie there was only one masseuse and the second disappointment was that unlike the Tai or Japanese beauties you associate with back massages my young lady……………..was from Texas………..her name was Carla.
That’s when things started to go down hill. Carla asked me to get undressed and lie face down on a bed. with just an XXXXL towel rapped around me……….I felt sick.
Carla told me that I was tense which was no surprise considering this was the first time I had been near-naked in front of a woman apart from Heidi in 12 years…….that was with my then girlfriend Sara who was so disgusted with what she saw that she left me and moved in with her new partner…….Sally.
Anyway, Carla told me I was all knotted up and I wanted to say something but as she was currently using my back as a punching bag………..all I could manage was an “agghhhh”
I lay there being subjected to one hour of sheer pain and thinking this must be what’s its like to slide down a mountain while locked inside a refrigerator, it would be more relaxing to have hot needles inserted into your eyes while listening to Barry Manilow sing Copacabana over and over again.
But the humiliation was only just beginning. There are times when some of you out there in blog land probably think a lot of what I write is made up or sexed up as the political spin-doctors do.
However, I promise you that is never the case…it really isn’t…….OK, I may overstate a few things now and then but the facts of how my day has gone are always true. I say this so you know that what I am about to tell you is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me Heidi.
It was as Carla was massage my lower back and kneading me like a piece of dough that as she applied full pressure ………………….I farted.
It wasn’t one of those full on mess your hair up explosions that I am capable of……….it was just a little …………fluff…………a tssssssssshhhhhhh…followed by a short sharp staccato…….bwee!
She stopped massaging and I wanted to die……..I wanted the door to open a team of Delta Force commandos to burst in and shoot me behind the ear before feeding my body to the sharks.
I removed my mouth from the whole in the table and said “I am so sorry”…………Carla was an angel and in that southern accent she told me that this happens all the time and was quite normal. And that was that…..it was supposed to be an hour massage but after my gas leak the massage seemed to be over after in just 43 minutes. Carla left the room probably as embarrassed as I was and probably also due to the faint odor of my breakfast which now filled the room.
Before I left I tipped her a huge amount of money hoping my generosity would buy her silence. After my massage I had a Sauna in one of the private rooms which is amazing. You sit in a chair and when it gets too hot………you turn the cold-water shower on above you. Its no wonder the Cloud 9 Spa is getting amazing reviews……..it truly is the best Spa at sea.
Since my massage I have been wondering if Carla had told anyone about my “accident “……I was sure she would be professional and not say a word. About an hour ago I got in the elevator to go to the Promenade Deck. As the doors opened I discovered a group of Beauty Therapists all dressed in their white crisp uniforms. I said good evening and they were very polite and all said hello…..It was only as I got out of the elevator and as the doors were closing that I heard them all laugh hysterically as one made a farting noise ……….they knew…………oh joy………..they knew!
Goodnight
Your Friends
John, Heidi and Carla
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
AYY John you make me laugh.
Hysterical! I can’t wait for Eugenio to read it. This story is just so…him. Are you sure you are not a distant relative?
I was expecting that outcome. Put yourself in Carla’s place what would you have done?? The truth OK??
You didn;t have to go to the doctor all of us could have tell you ( we already did in fact)about to much work, stress, etc. etc. Just take 1 vitamin C a day. That’s what I do when school starts and I have to deal with all the colds the kids bring. It works! About your first story about the newly rich or lottery winner (I don’t have to be a genius to figure that one out) something is wrong here it doesn’t match. No no he doesn’t know a thing.Why he didn’t go on another cruise line?? Something is not right. Fishy. If he has to keep telling people how much money he has maybe he really doesn’t.
Un besote
Nanni
John:
As a Southern Lady, the first thing my Mother explained to me is the true class does not “exclude” or “demean”.
True class is inclusive and makes everyone around them feel “at ease”….whether they have 10 billion dollars or 10 cents!
AND true class can not be “bought”…. only parts of it can be “taught” …. but most of it comes naturally from the soul of a genuine, caring human being.
Mr. “I am somebody” is truly to be pitied. We should feel sorry for him. He has to live in that insecure world; where he has no respect for himself or others. How sad….
When we cruise, my MOST FAVORITE thing (second being Karaoke, of course) in the world to do is meet the staff and crew and see if I can make it the “best day at work” they have ever had!!
Every day….to find that one person, that perhaps does not get to hear a “thank you” or “great job” from the daily passenger, and let them know how much they are appreciated.
Or sometimes I am just real sneaky and do a little investigative work to find out what an ACD drinks (or Social Host) who has been helpful with DJ and then surprise them with a bottle of their favorite “liquid refreshment”. (if I remember correctly…Jamie drinks Vodka!)
Little things to thank those who do so much to make sure our vacation is the best it can be!
Mr. “I am somebody” has no idea all the joy he is missing!
Perhaps we should put him on a “no cruise list”!!
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
John – you should be thankful you got a massuse…masseuse…rubber from Texas. With all the beans and barbeque and after effects she was used to, you didn’t do anything that she didn’t consider perfectly normal. If she made you feel guilty, it was only to increase the tip. She may be from Texas, but she ain’t stupid!!!
Just so you know, we have always felt like first class customers on our Carnival cruises!!!
I know you spend much time on your blog. There is now some new technology that allows you to speak and it prints out what you are saying. Perhaps your techs could look into that for you.
Keep up the good work. Drink lots of water (for the cold).
John, OMG you didn’t do that did you. Now you know why Fatima gave you a hose job before she gave you the Turkish massage. It was for her own safety. From now on every time your on an elevator and the door opens you will see crew members stop on a dime and say that’s ok I will get the next elevator. Or when your getting on those already on say coming out this is my floor. You never wondered why nobody ever follows you down any gangway. The whole crew knows about you and your Jelly Beans.
BIG ED
Ps. Just look at the video of the Bloggers dance. Nobody wanted to stand behind you.
Hey, John
Hope you get a chance to vies my web- site….
Jakesilverbergsblog.wordpress.com
lots of people from your blog have commented.
from, JAKE S. ( :
Hey John,
OMG I almost had an accident of my own reading about that massage, luckily I was near a bathroom where I laughed until my stomach hurt & tears were pouring down my face. Wow, you are just too funny. My husband gets a massage every week & I asked him about this problem and he said he has really had to hold back, but had so far been “safe”. Laughed all over again.
Thanks,
Jan
OUTSTANDING BLOG!!!
I laughed and laughed!!! Mr. Got Bucks is great!! I think I would have to sit back and watch him as entertainment… SORRY, that doesn’t help the crew at all, but he’s one we people watchers LOVE TO WATCH!!!
Your lunch… OUCH!!! Gobs of money for whiffs of food… YIKES!!! Please, either tell me where not to go… Or just keep me away from Barbados!!!
Thank you for the photos and Captain Albert’s blog info!! And the aroma therapy massage au natural… Thank you for very much!! I am laughing so hard and rolling on the floor… well, I actually… I honestly… had a slip of air, myself!!!
Regards and many thanks!!!
Lambie
Oh yes, the one that escapes to which there is no return (or muffling it). Just thank goodness it was not a “shart”. Yes John, that is a lovely abstract painting you just graced the ceiling with. The texture and hue is breathtaking.
Dave
Oh John, everyday you make me laugh out loud which I rarely do anymore but today you have out-done yourself! I had to get up and go pee to keep from wetting my pants! You definately have a way with words.
I am glad though that you told of the “painful” massage. I have stopped getting them for that reason–feels like they are trying to murder you through abusing your muscles! I do love the “thermal suite” though and that is heavenly so perhaps you should have a dip in the Thasso pool and a nap in the thermal lounge! You will love it. We have a spa cabin on the South America cruise and I can’t wait!
Your description your and Heidi’s romantic lunch in Barbados was priceless–although certainly not to you! I think we have all done that although maybe not quite such an expensive restaurant and felt when we left that it wasn’t as much fun as we thought it would be. There is no excuse however regardless of one’s position in life to be rude or nasty to anyone. I would be very surprised if Mr. Cahill would have someone like this man as his friend.
Beautiful photos again…hope you feel better.
John,
Get some rest now and don’t worry about the farting incident…. pardon my pun, but, it will blow over! LOL Now, try the vitamins!
Loved the photos!!!
Hi John,
Don’t you have a pill box? I have one that has seven compartments, labeled for each day of the week. I load it up on Sunday, then every morning I swallow whatever’s in that day’s compartment. So adding a few extra vitamins is no problem, mon. If you want one, let me know and I’ll send one to you.
*****
As for lunching with celebrities, personally I don’t see the attraction. Every group of people will have it’s share of both angels and a-holes, and just because somebody is famous is certainly no guarantee that they would be someone you’d want to have tea with.
I was in Austin, TX not long after Lance Armstrong had won his final Tour de France and I heard they were going to have a victory parade for him. Now, I would not have made a big effort, but it just so happened that the parade was going to pass within about 2 blocks of where I was, so I moseyed on down to see it.
After standing on sore feet for almost an hour, I got to see a yellow blur whiz by on his bike at about 70 MPH. Whoo hoo.
But then, I told this story to my friends. I couldn’t believe how excited they were, “You got to see Lance Armstrong in person! Wow!”
(insert rolling eye smiley face here)
So, maybe I’m the only person in the world who isn’t impressed by celebrity.
On the other hand, I would jump at a chance to have lunch with John Cleese. He’s very intelligent, and seems to be a very nice person. But the fact that he has been in movies and on TV really would have nothing to do with my wishing to meet him.
Well, John… I guess that you can feel yourself lucky to be graced with the presence Mr. $35,000 hotel room man… and you are so lucky as to be able to give him gifts!! I’m taking odds that this pompous ass will rake you and the entire crew over the coals on his comment card. Twit…
Mrs. Bentley’s photos are as stunning as ever. She has an excellent eye for composition and the area of the world that she was in didn’t hurt, either!!!
It’s a shame that people can’t, or won’t, take a few seconds out of their day to decide properly where fault lies for such issues as immigration. Certainly, given ten seconds of reflection, no thinking adult could possibly believe that Carnival has a thing to do with procedures for Russian immigration. Well… I could be wrong… I guess some people might need several hours of reflection to come to that conclusion and apparently some never will.
As for your massage… well… since I’m not currently in possession of a ten foot poll I’ll leave that for another time…
Howdies to Heidi and copious thanks to the Amazing Stephanie!!!
Ciao!!!
Host Mach
You should have farted in the elevator, and left them with that to chew on!
John–you had me on the floor with the vision of Heidi’s lobster salad dancing on the plate. BTW–in my note to you about Bermuda a few blogs ago I neglected to mention a great restaurant–Waterlot Inn–on the property of the Southampton Princess (or whatever they call it these days). Went on our honeymoon; we were staying at the hotel and got some sort of discount, but can you imagine these two twenty and twenty-four year old kids getting these menus–Bruce got one with prices that looked like phone numbers, mine had no prices–but the servers were lovely as is the place and the food delicious. There’s also a lot of great British pubs there for you…..
John,
As usual, another hilarious story. George and I both see a chiropractor on a weekly basis, and we’ve both been afraid of that very thing happening. So far, so good.
Lisa Kilmartin
John -
I didn’t think it possible to laugh harder than I laughed at your beet story but your tale of the “escaping fart” brought tears to my eyes! The candor with which your write is incredibly refreshing. I will be sailing on the Splendor with 20 friends this September and look forward to meeting you and Heidi.
John,
I just want to let you know that you are hilarious and reading your blog brightens up an otherwise dreary day!
John,
I never eat in places with no prices on the menu that’s a rule of mine. Because I know they have a bingo machine in the back that they use to calculate the check. Now I do know some finer establishments don’t put prices on the menu they give to ladies because the should never have to pay if they are with a gentelman.As for mr money bags please tell him the ship with a wall on top loves people like him please sail them next time. For the board comment people you need to look at the bigger picture of course the ship wants you to take their excursion packages with of course you know they are legit and insured and the ship will wait but feel free as you said to do what you feel is best in a forigen country. As for your massage I feel your pain john thank god you weren’t eating beet root last night. Hope the cole is getting better. Love to Heidi talk to you soon
Kevin
Dear John After picking my self off the floor from laughing so hard. Which is no small feat in itself. I mean getting up off the floor. I couldn’t decide what to say or where to start on this blog thingy. So I’ll just say it was sensational,marvelous,stupendous. Oh well don’t get the big head but it was very good. Best wishes Gary and Bug
I want to show you the last of the Norwegian photos taken by Mrs. Bentley. These include a shot of the largest Oil Rig in the world under construction……….P&O’s beautiful ship Oceania sailing through some of the most stunning areas of this most stunning of countries. Thank you again Mr and Mrs. Bentley and we wish you a safe journey home to Idaho and the potato farm.
Hi John,
just seven days to go for our August 6th cruise to the Baltics and as ever we are really enjoying keeping up to date with the information and laughter you provide on your blog.
Seems like the German beer festival has been a great success and looking forward to it when we are on board as well. Hope you cold is geeting a wee bit better and that you will be fully charged and recovered by the next cruise so we can see a 100% fit John Heald in action —– not that you ever let anyone down.
I suppose you will always find a grimpy person/s on every cruise…..life is just like that.
Cheers mate
Norman from Sunny Malta
So John, Your blog is delightful, but tell me what it’s like on the Spirit. Who is the cruise director? Is he/she as witty and wise as you? What is the 12 day Hawaii cruise like? We are going in October and cannot get enough info about it. I’ve wanted to go to Hawaii since 1952, and am sucking up all things Hawaiian I can dig up, from re-reading James Michner’s novel to wearing a grass skirt and listening to IZ CDs while doing the dishes.
Good morning John & Heidi,
Oh poor John. I know how embarassed you must have felt and you don’t think it’s funny, but I was laughing so loud reading about your massage that Simon Legree came out of his office to find out what was going on. But truthfully, wasn’t Carla’s technique a whole lot better than Fatima’s?
What you need for your cold is some good old-fashioned chicken soup – Jewish penicillin. Real home-made soup, not out of can or box. and a lot of TLC.
I’m catching up on the past few blogs.
What a nice present to give Alan. I hope he enjoys himself (and the Heat win).
More great photos from the Bentleys, and Heidi’s photos were excellent, as usual.
Lovely descriptions of the Canadian itineraries. I’ve been to a lot of those ports with my parents, but I can still remember them vividly. I loved Halifax. And I still remember beautiful Quebec – especially using my 6 years of French to try & communicate with some salespeople. Even trying to get a Coke was difficult. They weren’t really rude, just, well—-French.
Why did that obnoxious man who keeps telling you how rich he is choose a cruise on Carnival? Why didn’t he blow his money on one of the super-premium lines instead and make their lives miserable.
I saw an article the other day from a former purser on Princess Lines who told several stories about guests. I’ll look for it later and try to copy it & post it. You would probably appreciate her stories.
Feel good,
Carol
WOW that was a funny story, John! Thanks for starting my day off with out-loud laughter. And you made me laugh without even mocking the foofy French! You’re the greatest thing since breasts!
Jeff
Hi John,
I read you’re comment about St. Petersburg. We also were on the inuagural St. Petersburg visit and we expirienced the same hassle. You kept informing us via the PA system Imigration would not allow us to debark the ship. It’s not carnivals fold you told us. But after rocking the boat (ship…) imigration had no problem with us private tour guys. We were shouted at multiple times that only carnival tour guests could disembark. I also looked at you’re shore excursion talk on the TV ans according to you only carnival guests could take photo’s in the different sites like the Hermitage. Well that’s not correct, we could take pictures, we could even enter before opening and could see the complete hermitage before carnival tours could enter the building. When we left the hermitage we saw the line carnival tour guests were in (we spoke to them) they had to stand in line for 1 hour and entered a completely full hermitage. We had every room for ourselves ! But yes we took some chances with doing private tours, that’s for sure.
I do have to say that besides the pushing of carnival tours etc. you were the funniest cruise director we ever had !!!!!
Hopefully you will respond on you’re blog about this in the future and post this message on the site.
OMG! I laughed so hard that I had my own little ratt..tat..tat..tat moment! Thanks for brightening my morning.
Lifestyles of the rich, pompous, arrogant, and frankly……… freakishly annoying…. Why some people think they need to be revered by everyone around them and have their every whim catered to by every company on the planet and make demands that this be done is totally beyond me….. Keep them in a compound in Barbados
The massage fiasco was too funny…
“they knew…………oh joy………..they knew!”
John as a baby……
http://www.buzzhumor.com/videos/2483/Baby_Powder_Fart
Mark
The Flying Dutchman
Hi John.
When I first took over the Caravan Park from my father, getting a 5 star rating was my target, but after chatting to several people with much more experience than myself, I revised the target to 4 stars.
It appears that once you have a 5 star rating, you attract a certain type of guest. The same type of guest that is attracted by the most expensive suite on a cruise ship. Mr $35000, in other words.
A 4 star rating means that you are excellent – but without attracting the guests who make immediate criticism for every percieved “failing”.
I’ve just had my first client feedback figures from one rental agency – and we scored 97% – yet we had a 2 page letter of complaint from one client about the same accommodation! You can’t please all the people – and a complaint can help you be better – but I feel that many complaints are not justified. And by having a rating of 5 stars – or by selling premium priced suites – you are setting yourself up to be shot down.
At least with 4 stars, you are not saying “Here I am – the best in the world!” So I’ll leave 5 stars (and 6) to Dubai.
John: If I had been in that restaurant and asked to taste the water I would have had fun with the waiter. I would have looked at him and said, Gollee, we don’t do things like this at home. We just stick our mouth under the faucet and turn it on. And you get the drift of the rest of the conversation. I mean, are you going to see this guy again. He might have asked you to leave and think of the money your would have saved.
Linda
Oh John – I know your pain! That happened to me once at the chiropractor – so embarrassing! Just remember, everyone does it … !
Sue
Your description of your massage has my laughing my arse off!!!. Tears have come from my eyes…
On a serious note, I’d like to know the name of the place in Barbados you had lunch so I will never go there. I for one appreciate in all of my cruises being treated as if I am the only customer by carnival’s staff. The staff are gifted in their ability to make all of us feel very special!!! Kudos to the Carnival stewards, waiters, bar staff, casino staff!!!
Have a good rest!
The massage story was funny. Just remember you aren’t the first or the last client to have that oops.
The price of that lunch! We have a policy never buy anything that we don’t know what it costs first. We are not rich, must keep account of our spending.
Why would Mr Money Bags go on a Carnival cruise? If he can afford a $35,000 room he could afford his own yacht! I think he’s full of hot air.
OMG – I AM LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY. THERE IS NO WAY THAT LITTLE “OOPPSS” WOULD BE FORGOTTEN. THEY ARE ALL TELLING EACH OTHER THAT “IT’S NOT JUST THE JELLY BEANS…”
I TOO HAVE PROBLEMS WITH THE “HAVES” WHO THINK EVERYONE OWES THEM…OR NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE. WHY SHOULD THEY BE TREATED ANY BETTER THAN MY FAMILY, OR ME?
ANY WAY, THANKS FOR ANOTHER WONDERFUL READ. GET SOME REST!!!!! YOU DON’T WANT A RETURN OF MR. BELL.
TAKE CARE…SAY HELLO TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL WIFE.
HUGS,
LORI
PATRICIA GREGORY…my husband and I did the 12 day Spirit from Honolulu to Ensendada in Sept/Oct 2006. If you’d like to email me (lkilmartin@comcast.net), I’d be happy to answer any questions I can.
I’m not sure if she’s still the CD, but Shawn Bussey was there when we did that cruise. It was the third time we sailed with her, and we love her. She’s one of our 3 favorites, right up there with John.
The cruise itself is incredible. It’s our all time favorite, except of course, the first Blogger’s Cruise.
I know you’ll love the cruise. We can’t wait to do it again.
Again, email me if you’d like. I’d be glad to share info with you.
Lisa Kilmartin
Hey John, do you need me to send you some Beano? LOL, I was cracking up. I even emailed your story to a couple of my friends but made sure to tell them not to eat or drink anything while they read it.
HI John/Heidi:
I was not expecting to read about your “accident” but was thinking it was going to be more along the lines of another Fatma incident.
I agree that CCL should promote their tours. It just makes sense since you go to such great lengths to provide these wonderful opportunities to the passengers.
Thanks for another great blog and hope you are feeling better!
Thanks,
David
Always remember, class is the one thing the richest man can never purchase.
Overpriced locales and venues exist only to serve those whose egos demand a price tag high enough to mask their shortcomings.
The customer is not always right. Carnival ships ARE classless. Having not booked accomodations on Cunard or similar, that poor snob is stuck with 3000 other people whom could care less whom you think you are only if you are holding up the buffett line.
Hola amigos como estan, yo trabaje con Carnival Cruise Line del 1994 al 2003 ,me gustaria volver a trabajar una vez mas, deme una oportunidad para volver gracias my crew ID 217703
This one is just so so. That’s what we’ve rated… evaluating upcoming new release as ‘not that bad.’