In the years I have been a Cruise Director I have had passengers tell me I need to lose weight, I have had passengers tell me that I am not funny, I have passengers even tell me that I should dye my hair ………however, last night it was something new……..a passenger told me I should get my teeth fixed.
There I was, standing at the lobby bar after the show buying a bottle of water when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Now, its amazing that a few people really feel that as I am the Cruise Director on their vacation that it gives them the right to say what they want………….”You’re too fat”………..”You’re not funny”……….”Your grey hair makes you look old”…………and last night at 11:55 pm it was………..”You should get your teeth fixed.”
I guess it was the fact that I was tired, still had a cold and that the man had not said “Good evening” or “Sorry to bother you,” or “We are having a great time and oh yes….by the way you should have your teeth fixed” that made me mad and I had to control my first reaction which would have assured the passenger that he would also have needed a dentist once my fist had been removed from his mouth.
However, I held back on my urge to punch him in the head and to insert a bottle of Evian water up his bottom and instead I smiled and said “Oh, are you a dentist?”…..he wasn’t …………he was a guest who felt that the fact that one of my two front teeth was not straight was something……..and I quote “Spoiled his viewing of me on TV.”……….he then went onto say that he was a “personal life coach” whatever the hell that is and he felt it was his duty to “help me “………….
Unfortunately my teeth was just the appetizer and the main course was indeed my weight. I stood and listened to him for ten minutes and just as I thought that maybe this guest was just a caring chap who wanted to be my friend he produced a flyer and a card and told me that he could “sell me some DVD’s and books” which could “change my life” and that he would be available to hold a seminar for all the passengers……………….I had the Evian bottle in my hand and it was getting closer to going in his bottom and becoming mineral water ……………….with gas.
I explained that all such seminars have to be cleared in advance and that the schedule was full and thanked him for his time and promised I would get my teeth fixed, lose weight, buy his books and watch his DVD’s ………….before I went to bed.
I mean, the nerve of the man………..to walk up to someone you have never met in person before and say “Hey, Mr Bent Tooth……….get yourself to a dentist because you are spoiling my morning TV “…………..well, it takes a special person.
Sometimes, I wish I was an elephant, not just because they have huge…….trunks……….but because if they are left alone they would never die. They have no natural predators and unless they end up on a wall in a big game hunters den……….they would never die and the world would be overrun with Dumbos. That’s why Mother Nature decided to say that when Mr and Mrs. Elephant lose their sixth set of teeth it would be time for them to go to the elephant graveyard.
Humans are different. The enamel substance that coats our teeth is the toughest, most resilient parts of our bodies. I mean, look at CSI type programs. The guys can pull a body out of a swamp and even though the body was shot, stabbed, chopped up, bathed in acid and painted pink, one look at the teeth and they can tell us who the body was, who killed him and what the killer’s sister had for breakfast in 1976.
It seems therefore that people are obsessed with teeth…………..and I am not. When I was very young I slipped on some ice, landed on my face and bent my tooth back.
My Mum took me to a dentist called Dr. Wein…………he opened my mouth and as he was looking around, dropped the mirror thingy down my throat. I couldn’t breathe and he was panicking, my Mum was panicking, I was turning blue and luckily the dentist assistant turned me upside down and managed to get hold of the end and pull it out…………accompanied by lots of diced carrot. And that was that……….my last visit for many years to a dentist. My Mum tried to bribe me with toys and food but I would go, sit in the chair and refuse to open my mouth………..after a while …………they just gave up.
Later, as a single man I went to the dentist only once when I had a toothache that had lasted for days and only when the options were go to the dentist or shoot myself in the head. I went in Cozumel, Mexico where the dentist said that all my teeth would have to be filled except three. I told him to “el buggero offo” and just take the bad tooth out. So, he pumped me full of that Nova thingy and all the fear and tremor of the incident when I was young returned………….and so did my previous nights dinner as I decorated the dentist and his chair in a bright coat of orange.
For the next nine years I didn’t go to the dentist at all and it does not seem to have made a difference. I have not been visited by Mr. Hal Itosis…..at least nobody has fainted when I speak to them because my breath smells like Paris.
Then, I met Heidi and my teeth world changed. Before we were married I had used the same toothbrush for three years…….I even had a name for it…….”Timmy “…….I had bought it from a store in St.Thomas called Mini Mouse House……..and it sang when you brushed.
I’m your friend brushy brushy
I keep your teeth shiny and bright
Please brush with me everyday
Morning, noon and night
Timmy was my friend but as soon as Heidi moved in he was killed, buried in the garbage can and replaced by an army of electric toothbrushes, floss and various toothpastes. Heidi also insisted that I have a dental check up every six months and because I am scared of her………I go.
When I do I sweat, I shiver and often before going my head is buried in the toilet.
Why do I need to have someone poke around in my mouth with a huge screwdriver…………CSI has proven that my teeth will last 1 million years after I am six feet under. Nobody has ever died of tooth decay, its the other parts that pack up first yet most of us don’t go to the doctors for a full service…………..I mean who actually goes to the doctor and says: “Hello Doc, I feel wonderful, no aches, no pains I have never felt better……..but can you please strip me naked, have a good poke around and then please shove a video camera up my bottom?”………….Of course not and that’s what dentists should be as well………you should just go there when something is wrong.
The problem today as highlighted by the guest who was offended by my teeth is vanity. There are four kinds of teeth as far as I can remember from my biology lessons. I could be wrong as I spent most of the time trying to look up Sally Poole’s skirt……..but………..there is the canines which are used to rip chunks of dead cow up from your plate………there are the incisors which are used to cut the meat up in your mouth…………there are the premolars for crushing and chewing…….and then there are the shiners which are used by local news TV anchors and if you are on the front page of Cosmopolitan.
To achieve these kind of teeth you have to have to be shot with lasers and spend millions of dollars which was not what nature intended. Yes you will have shiny white perfect teeth which won’t be yours……….but you will be broke……… and if you are shot, stabbed and have hot acid poured over you……………… the blokes from CSI won’t be able to tell us who you are.
Anyway, Good Morning from a beautiful crisp morning here in Helsinki.
The ship is quiet as everyone is relishing the 67-degree temperatures. The sun is shining bright but the cooler weather is much appreciated by all I think following the high 80’s in both Denmark and Germany.
This morning we conducted an emergency rehearsal drill for all the crew as part of the ongoing training process in guest safety. Talking of which……….here is today’s bio………and appropriately ………….. it’s the safety officer.
NAME
Cresenzo Palomba
DEPARTMENT AND POSITION
Deck Department, Safety OfficerHOW LONG HAVE YOU WORKED FOR CARNIVAL CRUISE LINES
9 years.WHAT DOES YOUR JOB INVOLVE
- Training crew members regarding all safety of board.
- Checking all equipment in the lifeboat so that it is ready to use.
- Checking all firefighting equipment to ensure it is in good working order.WHERE ARE YOU FROM
Naples, ItalyWHAT DO YOU ENJOY MOST ABOUT YOUR JOB
Spending time with and training crew members.TELL US ABOUT YOUR FAMILY BACK HOME
My family consists of my mom and dad, two sisters, two brothers, three nieces and one nephew. My sisters are both married, but the men are all single.WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST ABOUT BEING IN YOUR HOME COUNTRY APART FROM FAMILY
My city. I am traveling so often that I rarely get to see my home itself.FAVORITE THINGS
MOVIE
Toto (comedy).MUSIC
Old music such as classical, disco, anything soft.FOOD
Sea food.IF YOU COULD MEET ANY FAMOUS PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO WOULD IT BE
I am happy with the people I know.IF YOU HAD TO DO ANOTHER JOB ON THE SHIP WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO AND WHY
I am working to be the Captain. That is what I have been training for all these years.
Time for some photo’s featuring some from Helsinki today and photos of The Eurodam and The Seabourn Pride arriving in Stavenger.
1952 Olympic statue
Eurodam arriving in Stavanger this morning
Seabourn Pride arriving in Stavanger this morning
I want to say another big thank you for all your comments. I continue to reply to each and everyone that is marked “Stephanie – Urgent – please have John reply” and, of course, read each and every one.
I wanted to say a big thanks especially to all those people who have joined the blog who sailed last cruise on the inaugural 12-day Baltic voyage. It is great to hear from you all and I appreciate so very much all your comments and views. You are joining a special group of friends and people who love life, love to laugh and of course love cruising. We have had 2.6 million hits in the first 14 months and as long as people keep reading the blog thingy I will keep writing. We have more great interviews and surprises coming up and in February next year some of the people who read the blog will be joining together for a very special voyage out of New Orleans aboard the Carnival Fantasy. She will have just had her refit and will then have the full Evolutions of Fun package ……….. Stephanie will add a link thingy here to tell you all about it. Hundreds of bloggers have already booked and I am hoping you will as well. For those who cannot, we will miss you, but hopefully we will have one more in 2009.
Click here to find out more about the 2009 John Heald Blogger’s Cruise
The blog has spawned an amazing community where we celebrate life together and when we needed we are there for each other in times of trouble. However, its life we celebrate today as we say congratulations to Paul F. Pietrangelo who has been a blogger since day one. Paul became a grandfather yesterday as his daughter gave birth to a little boy called Cole. Please join me in wishing all the family many congratulations.
We then have George Hicks who wrote to me saying that he is off to Iraq this week for a 5-month tour of duty with the Military Police. He is also a regular reader and although he marked his comment FYI I wanted to publicly say how proud we are of him and that he will be in our thoughts ………..hopefully you will get to stay in touch with us via the blog mate to let us know you are well.
Then we have people who have become best friends through the blog thingy. Here is a photo of a group of Bloggers who had not met before yet all met up in Little Italy in New York for a Bloggers Dinner.
Things like this make me feel brilliant……….friends created because of my silly musings …………… well, that’s priceless.
So, today, sensing that Heidi needed to get off the ship and spend some “us” time and even though I still don’t feel “right” I put my Air Jordan’s on and went ashore……….the first time I have touched dry land since …well three years ago……….well that’s how it felt.
Helsinki is a beautiful city. The locals are friendly and as I may have said before when God created Finnish women he left the ugly stick at home. It was a very popular port last cruise and judging by the fact that every tour is sold out again today it seems like it is again. Guests not on a tour tend to go downtown to shop………….more on that in a moment…………but if you do decide to do that take the shuttle bus provided by the port authority. Its only five euros per person each way whereas a taxi will cost three times that.
You must see the Sibelius monument and the gorgeous harbour area and of course the Cathedral on Senate Square.
I have been to Helsinki before of course, not just on the FAM trip but we spend three weeks here during the building of the Carnival LegEnd………I wonder if the Mayor of Finland is still the lady that said at the handover ceremony………”I am happy to be on the new Leg End.”
Anyway, we took the shuttle into town which by the way cost 5 euros each way and 10 minutes later we were standing outside Helsinki’s famous Stockmans department store. It’s an old fashioned store based on the English shops such as Harrods, Selfridges and Harvey Nichols ………… you know …………the type that still has people from Are You Being Served working there……..Mrs. Slocomb works on the 4th floor by the way.
Stockmans is a fantastic shop but unless you are Donald Trump or have just robbed three banks ……..don’t go in because even breathing the air is expensive. Luckily, we didn’t have time to shop as we were just going to have some lunch and go back to work.
Neither of us could remember any of the restaurants we had been to so we wandered the streets trying to find something that looked……..nice, serving local food. This proved to be harder than you would think as Helsinki was trying hard to be New York or London. We passed three Chinese restaurants, two American-style diners, a huge Micky D’s, two Italian restaurants and a Portuguese place called Nandos.
Eventually, we ended up at a restaurant with a traditional sounding Finnish name “The Fish Market”…………….and then the fun started.
First of all our waitress was not Finnish………..she was somewhere from one of the Baltic countries and if she was a day older than 16 then I am going to audition for the part of Billy Elliot on Broadway. She gave us no greeting, no welcome, she just handed us the menus with a face that looked like somebody had just killed her puppy. The menu was extensive and if you wanted me to I could tell you every single item on it. This is because after 30 minutes there was no sign of Miss. Rudeov anywhere. Eventually she returned to the table and took our order………..Heidi asked for the Monkfish and I the Cod………………and off she went……………..fishing.
That’s where she must have gone because 45 minutes later she had obviously caught bugger all. This was ridiculous…………..we had now been there hour and twenty minutes and the only thing we had been served was rudeness and that didn’t come with any bread and butter either …………. so……………..we left. We could have kicked up a fuss and moaned and complained but we didn’t have the time and I didn’t want Miss Rudeov to coat my cod with lightly battered pieces of booger……………….so we left.
I half expected the owner to come running after us with words of apology or at least to charge me for the water…………..but there was nothing………….we just walked out the door passing a few poor sods who were entering and are probably still there now…………..waiting for their appetizer.
And this is not just one restaurant in Helsinki that has this problem………….it’s all over Europe and maybe North America as well……….I don’t know.
Certainly in the big cities, staffing is a major problem. You see, it’s all very well employing a brilliant young chef who can perform magic in the kitchen if you can’t find anyone to take it from the kitchen to the dining room. At least make sure they speak a little of the language that the customers speak and fit them with a satellite navigation system so they can find their way back to the table.
Obviously, staffing is an important issue on the ships as well. It would be incorrect of me to say that every crewmember we hire is brilliant………..there is, of course, one bad apple in every barrel.
However, we try very hard in the industry to find the best and at Carnival and at our sister companies we are pouring major resources into finding the crew of the future. With all the icons that we find on vessels today the biggest icon of all is the crew. The future of cruising is one of new ships, rejuvenating older ones, adding bigger and better onboard attractions but as important as all of this in my opinion is finding the best crew and investing in their happiness…….they make the difference……….they are a huge part of what makes cruising …………the best vacation choice in the world.
I was going to finish there………….but then I saw this.
Good Evening John
Please be advised of the comments received at the desk.
Thanks
Lui
Chief Purser_____ – NOT HAPPY WITH CRUISE DIRECTOR
Mr. _______ came to the desk stating that last night he had offered his help to the Cruise Director John to lose weight and to feel better about himself. Guest stated that John had refused his help and did not show any interest in what he was saying. Guest said that John yawned during their conversation. Purser apologized and said that she would pass his comments on to the cruise Director.
Apology letter sent to the cabin.
I can’t believe it……….I yawned because it was midnight and I had been working since 7 am ……………. I yawned because all he was trying to do was sell me some self help stuff……………calm down John……………calm down…………………..OK, I am calm……………and I have arranged to meet the guest in between the shows tonight. It will just be the three of us ……………. me…………….my life coach…………….and a very cold bottle of Evian.
Goodnight
Your Bent-Toothed, Overweight friend John…………… and Heidi
Filed under: Europe, Tales from the Ship, Travel
Congratulations to Paul and his family! A new baby is always a miraculous occasion. I wish them all well.
Thank you, George, for your continued service to our Country. Please thank your family, for me, for their sacrifice as well.
I love the photos of the Blogger’s gathering for dinner! We do much the same for our ‘Cruisin’ With the Crazies’ cruise that is coming up in little over a year! When folks who have a common passion get together great times will always ensue!!
You’ve got all the folks at Cruise Critic’s ‘Bayou Bloggin’ With John Heald’ waiting anxiously for more information on the cruise!! Excellent job of teasing, John.
Do me a favor… when you meet with Mr. Life Coach please tell him for me to get a REAL job and stop badgering folks whose lives are in fine shape as it is… Or, as you would say, tell him to bugger off…
Thanks for all the fun!!
Ciao!!!
Host Mach
John,
Don’t worry about what this idiot has to say. You are a great gentleman, with a very big heart and that is the one thing that truly matters.
BTW- I committed a sin this past weekend and sailed on Royal Caribbean Soveriegn of the Seas. I went mainly because it was a free cruise paid for by my father, who would turn down a free cruise. Anyways while I was checking in I mentioned something about Carnival and the Conquest and the RCI Employee stopped, stared right at me and said ” Sir, please do not compare us to Carnival, we are a REAL cruiseline.” I was completely flabbergasted at the statement and even more at the fact she was not even joking. Just serious as could be… needless to say the employee attitude was one of many areas where RCI fell short of Carnival. So I guess I will stick to the “fake” cruise line, Carnival, for all future cruises because they always exceed any expectations and give me a great cruise vacation!
John- Do life coaches fly? I think you should find out for us… Cheers. Look forward to meeting you on our 9/11 cruise after all these months of reading the blog. Thanks so much!!
Dear John,
It’s unfortunate that you have to encounter such rude and arrogant people.
You of all people, do not deserve this treatment.
We love you just the way you are!
Thank you for bringing a smile to my face everyday!
Cathy
Look at the bright side, John… these ignorant arrogant jackasses that you come across each cruise keep providing you with tons of humorous new material to write about. After “gritting your teeth” and dealing with their BS, you should thank your lucky stars for them! Or maybe your readers should.
How did those bloggers find each other in NY?
John & Heidi:
Don’t let some crazy man like that get to you! Sounds like he is the one that needs some self help and learn not to judge others! Who does he think he is to tell you to get your teeth fixed, lose weight. He can just BUGGER off big time! I can’t stand people like that and hope he enjoyed that bottle of Evian you took to your meeting!
I can sympathize with your fear of dentist. I hate them too and it’s hard to force myself to go. I need work done too but my CRUISE is coming first!
Sorry about your lack of lunch. Guess that restaurant won’t be in business for long. Service has really declined over the last 20 years. It’s what can you do for me not what can I do for you anymore! I work with the public and see it all the time. I didn’t like that, I want my money back and on and on and on!!! Hope the two of you finally found something for lunch since you didn’t tell us.
We are still waiting on the latest CD schedule. Any word from Chris on this? We would like to know which CD will be on which ship!
Hope you have a wonderful evening!
John,
Although we did not meet I was on Splendor for the naming ceremony cruise. At the ceremony itself I was close enough to you to see your smile especially when the fitness instructor joke occurred.
In my opinion you have nothing to worry about with your smile, and I’ll bet you smile a darn site more than the miserable bugger who thought you should sort your teeth out.
If you ever want a blog dental check next time you’re in Somerset, be my guest. I’m a dentist.
Don
OMG, just too funny! Now you have a ‘life coach’ trying to improve you (wonder how much his DVDs etc are!). I hope you manage to deal with him graciously between shows. What a jerk….Obviously not exactly on vacation! I wonder how many passengers he’s approached in the same way…you may be getting more notes about him from the purser before the cruise is over! So nice to see that bloggers are getting together off-ship. Very cool! Helsinki looks nice…we’re going to have to do that Northern Europe tour soon!! Thanks for the great blogs, GLoria
John, My husband and I are booked on the Splendor for Aug. 18. We sailed with you in 06 and 07 also. (Liberty and Freedom). I like your teeth and I don’t think you are fat. My request is that you have some new jokes for this cruise since we have all the old ones memorized.
Oh John…..My parents always told me that the inside of a person is what really matters and not what’s outside and that the people that are going to love you are going to love you anyway. It doesn’t matter if you are ugly or beautiful, fat or thin. We are so much more than what comes to the eye. Maybe that’s why I never got my teeth fix either. In the past I never even think about it. Now because of what society has become I bothers me just little bit. Now it’s more important for me to get my kids teeth fix and I would rather use the money to travel. So who is going to love me has to love me with bad teeth.
but I’m looking forward to the next time they come. In November Im going to be busy welcoming more bloggers. Im looking forward to that
Yes John, we have become best friends and family. I was talking about that with Lynn when they were here last week. That night in New York my blogger friends also include me on their dinner talking to me on the phone. I talked with every one of them. I have already meet in PR the Sagara’s (Mike and Lynn), Lori(catmama) and Big Ed. I have missed a few others.
When you meet Mr. Not happy Please tell him that you are much more than bent-toothed, overweight (like you said not me) CD. Tell him that you are very successful because you are loved by many all over the world just because you are you.
A big huggo to you and Heidi
The imperfect and bent-toothed but happy
Nanni
John, we all love you just the way you are. Well maybe a new blazer would help, LOL. As I said before you have created one big family that has gone from this thingy to meeting on BC 1 to now bloggers meeting off ships just to be with each other. We share sorrows and joys, deaths and now births. Congratulation Paul on the new grandson.
BIG ED
Bloggers here is a link to all the pictures from the SPLENDOR John has posted here, over 500 already.
http://ekonefe.wordpress.com/photos/
Hi John,
First, congratulations Grandpa Paul. And George my best to you – stay safe.
Daniel, your entry has really made my blood boil. Probably just like John’s with his self-help guest.
Arghhhhh!.
John, here is the article I saw from a former purser from Princess:
Tues., July. 1, 2008
Renee Ruggero worked as a purser for Princess Cruises for three years. She has left the industry but still cruises frequently with her family.
…..The purser on a cruise ship is part hotel receptionist, part concierge. Guests line up at the purser’s desk to pay their on board accounts, to ask questions like “What time do the whales swim by?” and to complain about everything under the sun. On mega ships, there may be as many as 20 pursers, who listen to the same gripes cruise after cruise. When I worked, not a cruise would go by that a family of four didn’t grumble and grouse about being squashed into a 160-square-foot cabin with nowhere to put their luggage. I empathized as much as I possibly could, but in many cases, the customer was not always right. On one cruise, for instance, a passenger accused a cabin steward of stealing his Rolex watch. After searching the man’s room, I finally found the watch in his safe—it had slid under the lip in the front. The man never apologized for his mistake.
….I’ve been fed all kinds of lines from passengers, such as “I’m claustrophobic, so I need a bigger cabin,” and “I want to be reimbursed for this spot the laundry service got on my dress” (even though the stain looked a lot like red wine). Some guests even make up elaborate excuses—or blatant lies—to try to score a free bottle of wine, credit for purchases made on the ship, or a stateroom upgrade. At times, I felt like a mix of Judge Judy and Sherlock Holmes, trying to decide which parts of passengers’ stories were true. One woman claimed she had paid $10,000 for a balcony cabin on a weeklong cruise to Alaska and had been assigned an ocean-view room (with no balcony). I e-mailed the head office and discovered she had actually booked an ocean-view room—and paid only $4,000.
….Some cabins are in noisy parts of the ship (above or below a dance floor or the theater) and when passengers in those rooms complain, they usually get moved somewhere else. Even though pursers may tell passengers the ship is “sailing full,” there are sometimes a few open rooms for situations like these. That doesn’t mean, however, that you’ll get a luxury suite if you complain about a lot of noise. One guest was upset about the noise of chairs being dragged on the deck above his inside cabin, but when I offered him a similar room on the other end of the ship, he turned it down. I guess he was hoping for something better.
….Seasickness is an occupational hazard when you work on a cruise ship, especially smaller vessels like the one I was on. I prefer not to take Dramamine, because it makes me drowsy. Instead, I drank Coke and snacked on bread—foods high in carbohydrates sometimes help prevent motion sickness—and my colleagues said ginger capsules worked well, too. Of course, there were always passengers who confused seasickness with the effects of too many martinis from the night before. One time when I was behind the desk, a passenger asked to buy Dramamine because she was seasick. I had to tell her that was unlikely—the ship had yet to leave the pier.
That’s the end of her story John. See, you are not alone.
Great photos of the gang in NY feasting away. I’ve been e-mailing my sister all day. She was also on the Miracle and I’ve been asking for details – like when the past-guest reception is, how she liked her cabin (didn’t like the location – under the Lido pool – very noisy), about her first time in St. Thomas, etc. I have 2 months to wait until I leave. I’m already packed (NOT).
I hope you’re feeling better John. Hi Heidi,
Carol
Hey John,
How about a little photo credit? LOL! Boy those pictures really made the rounds.
For those who don’t know, the people in the pictures from the Blogger’s dinner in Little Italy:
Picture 1:
Left Side (front to back): Brad Sagara (non-blogger), Lynn Sagara, my boyfriend Scott (non-blogger).
Right Side (front to back): Eric Sagara (non-blogger), Mike Sagara, Ted Muller (non-blogger), Sue Muller (Sue from Narrowsburg), Kevin McVeigh (Official Celebrity Chef of the Blog.
Picture 2:
Left Side (front to back): Kevin McVeigh, Sue Muller, Ted Muller, Mike Sagara
Right Side (front to back): My boyfriend Scott, Me!, Lynn Sagara, Brad Sagara, Eric Sagara
I actually met Mike & Lynn on the first Blogger’s Cruise. And Kevin and I have met up with for dinner a few times. But it was my first time meeting Sue. And I think the first time any other bloggers have met Kevin, the mysterious chef man.
But it is nice having all these friends from around the country and getting to meet up with them off the ship!
Thanks!
Laura (aka divetrash, aka Princess Laura, the sweet and compromised of Big Ed’s Evil Krewe)
John
In my experience funny people aren’t perfect looking it is for this reason we are funny because we have to use something other than batting of the eyes and smiles to make an impression we have to use charm and charisma to communicate and this builds our character so hand Mr. Self Help a mirror and tell him to bugger off.
I am looking forward to the next Bloggers Cruise but I am also cruising with you (I hope) on the Splendor on 12/13 hope to see you then.
To Oneknee:
You’ve got the right idea, but I think the real question to ask is, “Do life coaches float?”.
And if it turns out the answer is “yes”, then the next question should be, “Does the ship’s anchor hold better when a life coach is chained to it?”.
Now we know the real story about all of the idiots that go overboard!
John threw them over. It would be really nice if we could each just remove one of these folks from the gene pool.
Mark
MY LORD….YOU ARE MEETING HIM LATER? GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. THIS MAN HAS A HUGE EGO….SORRY HE IS INFURIATING YOU SO. (BUT, I CAN’T WAIT TO READ ABOUT THE OUTCOME.) WHO THE HECK USES A “LIFE COACH” ANY WAY?
THE PICS OF LAURA, KEVIN AND THE SAGARA’S ARE EXCELLENT…KUDOS TO YOU, LAURA FOR SHARING THEM OUTSIDE THE KREW.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO EXTEND MY SINCERE THANKS TO GEORGE FOR SERVING HIS COUNTRY. WE HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
LORI
John, don’t worry about Mr. Get-it Together. He just had you pegged as an easy mark. Someone he could make some big bucks off of. Let him go back to his celebrity clients. Maybe you could introduce him to Mr Megga Rich from the $35,000 suite. I am sure they would have something in common.
John, you know why this “Life Coach” was trying to sell you something??? He is so annoying he obviously does NOT HAVE ANY CLIENTS; therefore he has to bother you to pay for his drinks on this cruise! How to deal? Just smile and say thanks for his time, but you really don’t make enough money to pay for his help – guarantee he will run the other way. And if not, I agree with Mark Twain and a Half’s idea.
I hate dentists, too; DH is even worse than I am.
Many, many thanks for your time.
Thanks to Heidi and Stephanie for all these beautiful ladies do for all of us.
Diane
Hi John,
I believe it is against Carnival’s rules to solicit while onboard the ship. If he is hitting you up for his DVD’s, I am sure he is doing the same to other passengers.
Dave
John, you are overly polite at times. Why meet the life coach guy again? You met with him at midnight and now he complains. Let this one go!!
Good afternoon or in your case John, good evening. I so enjoy reading your blog everyday. Whatever they are paying you, it is not enough. For you to have to endure the endless problems of pax every day then have some give you advice on what to do with everything up to and including your teeth, you do deserve a salary that is over and beyond what you are getting, whatever that may be.
I promise to be walk onto your fabulous ship on 9/11 with a good attitude, a smile on my face and absolutely no negativity. Those are the three rules that I believe every traveler should have.
Keep smiling John, you truly are a treasure and I so look forward to meeting you. Happy cruising.
John,
It was so great spending some time with you on the July 13 REAL Inaugural Baltic sailing! Sorry to hear you weren’t feeling well for a few days but hope you are back to your old lovable self by now! Glad to hear that Stephanie is back on board and please tell her thank you from me for all her help pre-cruise. I was looking forward to thanking her myself once on board, but I was told she was off for awhile. Hope everything is ok now.
Big thanks for all the hard work you do to make sure the passengers have the time of their life! We sure did! Miss you! Hi Heidi!
To: Mark Twain and a Half & one knee,
Yes, of course the “life coach” floats…. It’s because crap floats…….. so John just needs to flush him. YYYAAAWWWN
John, your tooth story touched a nerve in me and had me rolling on the ground laughing till I was in tears and almost wetting my – you know….
Here is why: I had a very bad mess of teeth in my pre-adolescent years. Basically I had too many teeth for my small mouth (hard to believe, I have a small mouth) but that’s what the Dentist told my parents and that’s why my front teeth stuck out like landing lights. So first they told me to apply thumb pressure on my two front teeth. Then it was time to have some teeth pulled out. Well the nightmare started. It took a team of nurses, dental assistants, the dentist and my poor parents to hold me down as they put the mask over my face to give me laughing gas and pull a couple of teeth.
I was still to apply thumb power until I was 14yrs old and then came the dreaded head gear as braces were to follow. However, I still had more teeth to be pulled. At this age, it didn’t take a gaggle of folks to hold me down and I nervously allowed them to shoot me with Novocain, but the one most memorable moment was when my Dad took me for my final tooth extraction. There we were, Dad holding my hand and the dentist getting ready to do his thing (poor dad is afraid of needles and can’t stand blood, but he always went to the dentist with me) and low and behold, something (a piece of bone or the buried adult tooth) flew from my mouth on to the floor. I was then stitched up and needless to say, that was the last time my Dad took me to the Dentist. I wore my braces from the age of 15 till I was 21 yrs of age. That was way before the clear braces and the colorful braces. I wore those silver things for close to 7 years…
Now that I went through that horrible ordeal, I am a fanatic about my teeth and after two root canals, which occurred in my late 40’s, I floss every moment, so I never have to endure another root canal or filling as long as I live.
Did you know that Mr. Life Coach is good friends with Mr. “Green” Gore –
Carnival Dream bound – Debs
i thought that was princess laura in those photos but she lost so much weight i hardly recognized her! woo hoo princess!
and paul, i am SO HAPPY for you dear friend. a new grandbaby is totally awesome!!!
john, do not be discouraged my friend. he is a brash bore and not to be given a single thought to! besides we all love you the way you are! you are the best cruise director anywhere. as i always say, you are totally “tits”…
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
John – perhaps you need the same toothbrush my son has… it plays YMCA while you brush, a song he learned all about on his first Carnival Cruise when he performed in the Camp talent show!
John – You are too kind to meet with mr. life coach again. I agree with Big Ed – we love you just the way you are.
Dear John…..I am writing today because it took Susan and I this long to stop laughing about your spa adventure and then the elevator run-in!
By the way…congrats to Paul!! I have 5 grand-children and they are all wonderful kids. (we do get to send them home)
I don’t know if I told you, Susan and I are on the Carnival Legend for the third time leaving on September 14 from Tampa. We are once again counting down to another wonderful trip on our favorite ship! If there are any other bloggers on that cruise ….let’s hook up!!! I can’t remember our cabin # but it is on the top deck port corner aft! I’ll get it on the blog before we leave!
Now….for the personal life coach! Naw…nevermind! Actually, if you would like to send him to the John and Susan retreat I would be glad to teach him the manners that apparently his parents forgot. John, this is the guy that cuts in all lines and parks in the firelanes of all stores he goes to because he is so important and right. He comes up the shoulder of the road because he is late! He needs an attitude adjustment!!! Send him by!!!
Stay well my friends!!!
John & Susan in Frisco, Tx
John it sounds as if Mr. Life Coach needs to sit down to read and listen to his own program. Just because he is a life coach it doesn’t give him an excuse to be rude to you. Appearance is not what is important, it is what is in your heart that matters. I think that you are a fantastic person that makes people happy and they enjoy your company. Don’t let a stupid person like that get you down. You are a handsome man, after all you won the heart of your beautiful wife so you must be handsome. Have a very good day and keep smiling!
The first grandbaby is always so special–contratulations and enjoy Paul!
All I can say to this blog is to put the bottle of water right where you said you wanted it to go on the “life coach” – he’s very deserving! If he doesn’t like watching you on TV, who cares?
Grandpa Paul…that is wonderful news!!
George, thank you for the sacrifices that you and your family are making for our country. We salute you!!
Laura: Great pictures, but how did they “photoshop” the pole out of the picture?
John:
I think you should have introduced Mr. “Life Coach” to Mr. “I am somebody”! Perfect solution.
Dentists: yes, we go every 6 months but it is only thanks to XANAX on my part. (Mine goes back to living in a small town as a child and the only dentist was the town drunk.)
I, too, will be having the fun experience of replacing both front teeth with crowns next year.
A motorcyle accident over 20 years ago meant 10 root canals, 8 crowns and one implant. My jaw teeth were cracked in two.
My two front teeth were knocked out of place. They were able to save the 2 front teeth, but told me they would eventfully turn brown and have to be crowned. They said in 10 years and I have gotten 20 years out of them…so I should be thankful. I just hate the prospect of crowning the front two teeth…because those are the hardest ones to get to look natural.
Note to self….never miss a curve on a 750 Nighthawk!!!
The next time someone mentions your weight…I will lend you my Mango’s t-shirt from Cabo.
It says ” Yes I am drunk and overweight, but you are ugly. I can go on a diet!”
We love you just for who you are!!!!!!
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
The gull and audacity of that overly vain completely clueless jerkweed….. Coming up to a stranger, pointing out “faults” based his own very flawed opinions and then hawking his unsolicited services as a life coach…..
For coaching and development of this type of self centered egotistical gnat…. I suggest at lovely tour off the gangway on Deck 0 while at sea…. He can then comment on the perfection and precision of a shark’s set of choppers.
Mark (Walk The Plank)
The Flying Dutchman
Hey John! What an SOB that guy is! Don’t listen to people like that, they are just plain Jealous of you. You are wonderful, and we all love you just the way you are. As Nanni said, it is what’s inside that counts. He needs to stick his head in a toilet full of POOP! What an obnoxious jerk! I hope he reads this too! JOHN, PLEASE RESPOND: Please post your schedule for the rest of the year, will you be on the Splendor for the crossover, and thru November? Please respond ASAP! Thanks! Your Loyal friends forever, Linda & Mike
( : Hello, John.
Thank you so much I feel like a little cruise director blogger just like you!!!!!!!!
from, JAKE S. ( :
Hey John,
The problem I have is that am both French and a fan of your blog (I can’t explain why). Since you take pleasure at puttingdown the French at every opportunity, I have come up with a question for you British. How come all British people have ugly busted up teeth? Looking forward to meeting you on the Splendor 9/11 sailing. Maybe we can sit down and hammer out a peace treaty between our nations.
Kind Regards,
Alex
John,
You could have perfect teeth or no teeth. You could weight a hundred pounds or a thousand pounds. It really dosn’t matter. Mom tought me a long time ago that its what’s inside and the person you become that matters. We think you are the best CD ever and everytime my family or I have sailed with you it has been a wonderful trip thanks to you. I think I speak for all your blogger friends when I say…We love ya John!
AJ Eckert
Stephanie – Urgent – please have John reply
about a week ago I ask a question regarding tours on the back to back trip Oct 17 and Oct 29 you suggest a gentle poke if you had not replied in a week, so here is your gentle poke. Still want to know what tours will be offer on the 29 to the people staying on for the TA cruise
Ruth Cooper
I’m glad you are going to the dentist every 6 months now. They have now linked plaque/tarter to heart disese! Crazy huh?
John, you bring a smile to my face everyday. Actualy alot of days I laugh out loud, especially this morning when I read about your massage. I plan on getting a massage when I am on The Splendor in September. If I happen to get Carla from Texas I hope I can keep myself from laughing. Pay no mind to that life coach. You are great the way you are. Beauty comes from within.
I think Mr Life Coach was making a “business” contact so he could write off his cruise as a “business expense” on his taxes!!
We love you just as you are!!
Barb
Oy vey, life coach has some issues. Maybe he should see a life coach? Bwahahahahahahaha!
I can sell him some books or tapes to help him out.
Better yet, he can mind his own business…and take an etiquette class… Geesh!
John, my best to you and your bride…safe travels!
)
Hugs!
Hi John,
I’ve been visiting your blog for few weeks now. Honestly, by accident! But just to let you know..you make me hook now. I love it! you are very honest as well very funny. I’ve cruise with carnival once and definitely will do alot more. Hopely, I will cruise with you someday..(planning on it). Keep up the great work and just want to say that you are a wonderful person even i’ve never met you. I am your big fans now!!!!
LOL
Maddy
>>>…………..I mean who actually goes to the doctor and says: “Hello Doc, I feel wonderful, no aches, no pains I have never felt better……..but can you please strip me naked, have a good poke around and then please shove a video camera up my bottom?”…………<<<
Oh, the naivete of youth. Just wait until you hit the big 50, Mr. Crooked Teeth, and you will soon discover how niave this statement is.
Jon
John, that so called life coach just appalled me with his arrogance toward you. You give us all so much joy on a daily basis and I bet he could never do that to anyone!!
I was 5ft 10 at the age of 13 and taller than any other girl in my class and even worse taller than all the boys for several more years. Everone felt as though they could tell me how tall I was and I hated it until one lovely teacher told me always to be proud of my height and never to stoop. I am now in my late sixties and have sung on the stage all my life and still stand up tall, proud and straight. Thank goodness that my teacher was not like that life coach or my lovely life could be quite different!
You are one of a kind, John, so keep up your positive and loving attitude to most of the people that you meet and forget the others, they are not worth remembering for more that a second or two.
Cheers
Joan
John
I just found out from a friend who is going to be on the Splendor with you on Dec 6th cruise, that the Splendor & Freedom will be in San Juan & St Thomas at the same time. She is sailing on the Freedom with us. We are going to meet up again in San Juan.
If you have the time, would love to meet you in one of those ports. Please tell me how we can do this.
Picture of Michael’s Freddy tattoo should be coming to you next week
take care Cheri
….just a new season of the “John Heald, CDE (Cruise Director Extraordinaire)” sit-com we anticipate on our television sets in the future!
Remember, John, every time you refrain from introducing a bottle of Evian to an previously-unexplored body cavity, the opportunity for another script appears!
Terri
You are YOU . . . that’s what makes you special and unique . . . and why we love you and read your blog! What kind of crackpot “life coach” would want to mess with a “gem” . . . well, maybe loosing a little would keep you around with us longer . . . Why is it that folks thing that anyone who is in the public eye, even as a cruise director, is fair game for their comments?
I admire you for being able to keep your cool and not tell the guy he is an anus . . . nice way of putting it, I thought.
Keep on being you, John. Unique, often funny, sometimes full of . . . well, you have the fascination with this, not me . . . gas, but that’s why everyone keeps coming back for more!
We were on the first cruise with you on the Splendor, the one that left from Genoa and ended in London. It was our first time in Europe, but many cruises with Carnival. We did not get to personally meet you, however at every show we were sitting on the front row. We had heard alot about you before this cruise and I will have to admit that since the cruise I have read your blog everyday. You are hysterical. I do have one question and I am not sure if you can answer this or not. A young boy was taken off of the boat by coast guard in Spain, we stayed up and watched him leave the boat. I wondered if you could tell me how the young boy was, I know you stated that it was life threating. Anyway you are a great guy and I would love to be on one of your cruises again. Your bedtime story was the best EVER!!!! As far as the life coach….you have been given all types of advice and unfortunately you can’t do any of it and that is a shame. It is so sad you can’t call out an ass when you see an ass, but we have to be professional don’t we. I know you can handle it, you have to have tough skin to make it as far as you have. I wouldn’t have lasted a week, someone would be broken and I doubt it would be me : )
The nerve of Mr. Life Coach. Can’t believe he was pushing his dvds. Since it appears he can’t sell his product on land, instead he has resorted to trying to sell it on the high seas. I believe he should be left behind the next time the Splendor leaves port.
Soliciting is not allowed. The other passenagers should not be subjected to it either or him either.
We like you just the way you are!
Charlotte
Good Evening Mr. Heald. First of all, thank you for including the fact that I’m new grandpa and the name of my new grandson Cole in your blog. You are such a good man my friend. Now as far as your teeth and weight and whatever that jerk said, forget it. You are perfect my friend. Perfection is the eyes of the beholder and in my eyes, you are perfect. Ciao.
Paul F. Pietrangelo
John,
We love you just the way you are…you could probably give the Life Coach a few lessons!
Congratulations to Paul on the arrival of his new grandbaby.
A huge thank you to George for protecting our country and all of us. Those two words hardly seem to express the gratitude I feel.
Lisa Kilmartin
John,
All I can say is…. You can’t fix stupid….
Glory bound in 2 weeks…. If I meet him I use a large bottle of water….
I love my dentist. The sign in her waiting room says “WE CATER TO COWARDS”. LOL
We love you the way you are John…don’t change (at least not too much)…..
By the way, my front teeth stick out and my bottom teeth are a mess. I had considered braces but at almost $6000, I’d rather go on 3 or 4 Carnival cruises instead.
Cindy
John…
Dentists… a necessary evil… if there was any other way…
WOW!! A free evaluation from a life coach!! WOW!! How lucky can you get??? People pay big bucks for that kind of “reading!”
If he reads this or if you see him again… ask him how well read HE is??? Tell him you have a blog full of life coaches, who post daily and LOVE you and think YOU’RE JUST RIGHT!!!
God Bless our WONDERFUL John!!! And three sheers for his beautiful Heidi and ever-capable Stephanie!!!
Best Regards,
Lambie
John,
“Life Coach” is California-speak for “Con Artist.” He’s found a way to channel his natural arrogance and egotism in a way that allows him to fleece the unsuspecting of their cash. And he gets the supremest of jollies by belittling everyone he meets who doesn’t measure up to his “standard of excellence.”
Dear me.
Just another reason why I would not want to have your job for any amount of money. That, and the fact that you do it so well, that anyone who followed you would just seem like a “life coach.”
All the best from Bloggers’ Cruise 2008,
J&K Watts
John,
I can’t believe the guts of some people! What happened to “you’re perfect just the way you are”? Vanity has consumed way to many people these days. The guy should have been relaxing enjoying the beautiful cruise, instead he’s stressing about your teeth, weight, and that you yawned while he was insulting you. Well he doesn’t matter! You are perfect just the way you are!:) Have a great day!
Life Coach? Really? The man is clueless! Someday he may wind up toothless! Your teeth are perfect! I got braces at 51 because I choked when I ate, not for the pretty smile…All dentists are terrorists. And perhaps Life Coaches.
Lynn, Mike, Kevin, and Laura you all look wonderful together and having fun. Good for you!
And wow! Crezenzo! Come on girls! Not only would you feel safe, but he is easy on the eyes!
Nannette, you are the hostess…Waiting for the day we set eyes on you again in Puerto Rico.
John we love ya the way you are. Stay healthy, love on your bride and take good care.
Yours,
Kap (Kathie)
Well John, I don;t know how you kept your cool with that guy. Congratulations to Paul on becoming a grandpa, that’s wonderful. I couldn’t believe it, when I saw those pictures of all of us bloggers at Il Palazzo restaurant (on Monday night)…on your blog!!! I am so glad that Ted and I went down to the city to meet everyone. I even got to talk to Nanni, Elaine, and Big Ed. We had them all on 3 different cell phones all at once!! It was a great night. My offer of Cannolis, John is still on the table….Sugar free and/or both kinds, just get us Ron in the Pianobar, OH and Adam too(sorry Adam), as I hear that they are both Fantastic Pianomen! Oh boy, lol…. I have told Laura that I would love to Join her at the Piano bar on Fantasy…although even dogs usually run in the opposite direction if I start to sing along….
Ciao and goodnight,
SueM.
Hello John,
Sorry it has been quite a while since I last wrote but have been a faithful reader. I totally sympathize with you concerning dentists…I am petrified of them. I’m sure most are very fine and kind people…but for me they scare the heck out of me. Also it galls me to have to pay sooooo much for pain and fear. If I want to be scared I’ll go to a movie.
On a seperate note…I know everyone is very excited about the Splendor and she truely looks like a marvelous ship. However I have my eye on the Dream. problem is I am trying to figure out how to talk my wife into booking the Dream’s Atlantic crossing in October of 09. I know she is going to come up with the standard “it’s too expensive” or some such other rubbish. Any ideas on what I can say to convince her? Also, are you going to be the CD on her or will you still be on the Splendor?
Hope you and Heidi are well and next time someone comes up and tells you what you need to better yourself…take him to the bow of the ship and tell him you are going to give him the chance to become a much better swimmer.
Take care,
Your faithful reader…Alan D.
John – next time you see the ‘Life-Coach’ tell him to get a proper job. Has Carnival ever considered reintroducing walking the plank?
Congratulations to my fellow Canadian, Mr. Pietrangelo.
John, please send a note to your passenger advising him that you ARE a personal life coach and detail your advice on the blog!
John
HI John,
Still enjoy the blog with my morning coffee.
I want you to know that I am going to NY this weekend to scratch off another wish on my Bucket List.
Both sets of my grandparents came through Ellis Island in 1922. It has always been my wish to go there. I am meeting up with my daughter, brother and sister-in-law and we will be taking a train from Boston to NY so we will have plenty of time to catch up on family news.
I have done my family history through the Ellis Island web site and I plan on buying a plaque in their names because I am so proud of the courage they had to leave their home and come here for a better life. They were very proud people that never took charity and worked very hard.
So, even though this isn’t Ugrent!!! I would like for you to know. Please pass on to John.
Thanks, Kathleen
John,
You made my day. So far this week I have broken the lawnmower, my husband’s car and several household items. My dog has eaten all of the jalapeno peppers in my garden and left me steaming little presents everywhere.My husband and kids are camping and I am alone. Can you believe I was looking forward to this little respite all summer ?
I pictured lazy days by the pool, not repair shops and carpet cleaners…oh well.
It sure could be worse-at least I’m not living onboard with a life coach the next eight days. You should send french fries and doughnuts to his cabin.
Dear John
We love you just the way you are,lovng, kind, funny,sweet,british, humourous,endearing, and oh so much more, don’t let this BORING life style changer encourage you in any way except become fodder for the funny blog you wrote.
You ALWAYS have that 1% on every cruise to write about…..
Congratulations to Paul on his Grandbaby
Godspeed to George going Overseas,
The Boggers looked good in NY NY
The Pictures of Finland were way Kool.
Take Care from the one who would rather have a C -Section that face a dentist but had 4 root canals last year.
Elizabeth Tucker
John, I really hope you cancel your meeting with that obnoxious life coach. How can anyone be so rude and stupid? If he’s bothering the guests on this cruise, and I bet he is, he should be lectured about no soliciting on the ship. I wonder if it’s ever possible to get though to that kind of person how truly horribe and rude he is.
To Paul, Congratulation on the new grandson. I remember when our daughter had her first baby and I was honored to be with her when he was born. What a thrill! He’s twenty nine now but still “our baby boy.”
George, Thank you for your service to our country. Hope to have you back home as soon as possible.
Jeri
John, be sure to put a bunch of spinach between all your teeth just before meeting him again and then proceed to yawn every 30 seconds. I am sure he’d go insane & then implode.
The man is just jealous that he doesn’t have your good looks and wit. Thanks for the bloggers get together on the July 13th Splendor cruise. Trying to get back to normal and get rid of a cold we caught on our trek.
The Dovers
Hi John,
It was great to finally meet you and some of the bloggers. One more thing I can scratch off my must do list.
I am trying to finalize my Splendor Inaugural Webpage (even though it will never really be finished):
http://www.zydecocruiser.com/splendor/splendor.htm
Stephanie – Urgent – please have John reply
John,
I seem to have escaped Splendor without an example schedule for Circle C and have received a few inquiries about. Can you post one and/or email me one and I can post?
Thanks,
mr bill
John,
NEVER, NEVER CHANGE YOURSELF!!!
STAY AS YOU ARE….THE BEST!!!
Love to you and Heidi, Paula and Nelson Baker
John,
We will be joining you on the August 30th sailing and I have a question.
In Amsterdam we have purchased the “Sightseeing, Canal Cruise & Shopping” excursion from 11:00-3:00. We would also like to do the afternoon Red Light District excursion but it is listed as beginning at 3:15. Is there any way the staff can arrange for us to participate on both tours?
Thanks! (We also sailed the Med with you last year and had a ball!)
Linda
Hi John,
The first thing I notice about you when you are in front of a goup of people is that you are someone who is very comfortable and happy with what you are doing and who you are. Why would anyone want to change that? So you’re teeth are less than perfect …big deal. Your audience (with the exception of egotistical idiot) are not looking at your teeth… they are looking at the charm, charisma, humor and wonderful stories you are folding out in front of you. You are perfect and you are John Heald. No reason to change that! So tell Mr. Life Coach to take a long walk of a short pier!!! (And tell him to quit solicting on the ship… the ships guests are on vacation they don’t want to be bothered with his BS!!!)
Congratulations Paul on your new grandson!!! Enjoy him all you can, they grow up much to fast!
And George…. be safe and thank you for serving your county and helping to keep us safe!
Hug!
Princess Barb of the Big Ed’s Evil Krewe
John: Why did you not just tell him to “bugger off”? Me I would have used the American term “f” off. People are so rude. Mouth in gear before the brain even starts..Weight means nothing. My hubby who I am meeting up with in London (he works in Saudi) has been with me for 37 years, 35 of those married to me. He is overweight and I do wan’t him to loose some because I don’t want to be alone in my old age eventually. But, he is still so sexy and so are you as I am sure Heidi tells you. Can’t wait to see you again on the 30th. of August.
Linda from Texas
Just a quick question. Does having a membership in the balcony club count towards platinum status?
Linda
Hi John
I just cannot believe the nerve of some people. Make sure you tell that jerk of a life counselor that you, of all people do not need life counseling!! You are a friend, mentor and confidant for many thousand people and we are there for you regardless of bent teeth, extra weight or even after a double serving of jellybeans. What nerve!! I am sure the Evil Krewe will back me on this.
Give my best to Heidi and I can hardly wait to see the two of you as well as the rest of Big Ed’s Krewe in February!!
Gloria aka Sue
I wonder how that life coach gets any business at all. What a self-esteem destroyer!!!
Anyway, John, I don’t cruise to try to drum up business…in fact, I cruise to get away from business…I can’t believe the cajones that some people possess!!!
I just happened to be thinking of the funniest joke you tell (I think at least) its about the two women on the lido deck and the waves in the pool being attributed to the “ocean water”…Hahahaha
I told someone that joke last night and laughed out loud…Thanks to you, I became a comedienne for a second!
Keep up the funny stories…
John,
you don’t need a life coach, you’ve done so well with out one, why mess with perfection….do what makes John feel good, not Mr Perfection…..If you can’t tell, modern day snake oil salesmen annoy me.
daytonadan
Hey John,
First let me say that “life coach” needs to get a life.
I traveled with you on the carnival Triumph several years ago and it was the best time I ever had, You were wonderful my friends and I enjoyed having you as our CD (and little Jimmy too) we were not aware that season was to be your last on the ship so the following year we booked the same boat just to have you as the CD again we were slightly dissapointed but the staff was as always terrific and we had a great time on that sailing as well. My friends and I still entertain poeple with the story of the poor married couple from Baltimore that you sent through hoops all week (Not sure you would remember it) but that husband was running stem to stern everytime he heard the word Baltimore just to rattle off the speach you gave him about how much he Loved his wife we got to the point when we heard it we went looking for them ourselves just to watch and laugh again. what a blast we are off again this year on the liberty and while booking I was pleased to find this blog site and hear that you and Heidi are well and still around I hope to travel again on one of your ships.
I think that anyone who has any humor what-so-ever in them would never consider changing a thing about your or the way you do what you do, And anyone that tries to tell you to “loose weight or fix this or that” is full of it. Can’t wait to hear what happens next Keep it up this is great. Wishing the Best to you and yours
John,
I think that jackass should find another job or get e “life coach” of his own. WTF kind of BS job is that. I understand a motivational speaker, but com on.
_Mike, Big
Cruise Blog Security Chief
Hi John/Heidi:
What…you don’t want a life coach?
Come on…Every week someone comes on board and thinks they have the magic answer.
What a joke.
I’m sorry you have to deal with stuff like this.
I’m just sitting here laughing that these people take it upon themselves to fix everyone else when there are probably tons of problems they have to deal with at home.
Well, I did enjoy the blog today regardless and some nice pictures in there.
Thanks again,
David
haha, found you by googling ‘yawning’. Funny how that worked out. Not the point.
Found this entry entertaining, to say the least.
Thanks for the morning laugh.. he he, mineral water with gas…