Good Morning from St.Petersburg, where things went a little smoother than last time. We had 2,300 on carnival tours today, with about 1000 on the evening shows and 2,000 plus again on tomorrows. Well, things started with a bit of a bump. We arrived at 7 am but the officials arrived a little later and by the time they had devoured to full trays of pastries the ship was not cleared until 7:35 am. By that time we had 600 people ready to disembark on the Grand Tour and about 500 people on private tours.
So, we started a little late.
Yes, there were longish lines at the huts used for Immigration but overall things went very well. The Carnival tours and the guests on private tours were allowed to disembark at the same time contrary to speculation on some of the boards. Once ashore, there are two lines……..one for Carnival tours and one for “Independents “as they are called by the Russian officials.
Now, the independent line takes a little longer to go through and that’s got nothing to do with Carnival. This is because the guests on Carnival tours have tickets in their hands which the Immigration Officers recognize as their Visa as well. In the Independent line the officers have to read the letters and information of the group or individual on tour. They are checking to see if they are indeed with a reputable company who have also included visas for the guests. This takes time and again…….this is the same for every cruise line as I saw today with the same situation for guests on the MSC Opera and The Crystal Symphony docked alongside us.
The only guests who were refused entry today were a handful of people who had neither a Carnival Tour or a private excursion.
Here is one of them
Mr. ______ called the pursers office and wanted to speak to the cruise director. Purser inquired if there is a message that could be passed on to the cruise director. Mr. _______ said that he is upset with the information he received on St Petersburg before he came on the cruise. Mr._______ said that there was no information saying that guests needs a visa or that they have to be on a Carnival tour to get of the ship. Purser informed Mr. ______ that on the Carnival web site it does say that you require a Russian visa to go out in Russia or have a private tour booked or a Russian visa. Mr. _______ said that he wouldn’t be surprised if Carnival had talks with Russia and told them to make it impossible for guests to get off the ship unless they have a tour. Mr. ________ said that for a family of four it would be almost $_______ to go out. Mr. ______ said that the ship should have gone to Stockholm instead. Mr _________ said that a Russian visa costs $250 and takes 6 weeks to get it. Purser told Mr. ________ that Purser will document the comment and forward them to the relevant departments.
[7/30/2008 8:21:33 PM GUOL]
Mrs. __________ called back a few moments later and advised purser that he will write to the Florida attorney general, because they have a long standing against Carnival Cruise Lines. Purser again informed Mr. ________ about the information on the website, but that purser will document his comments and forward them to all relevant departments. Mr. __________ hung up the phone.Purser sent file record to Hotel director, and Cruise director.
So, we had a chat. I explained that to suggest that Carnival was in high-level talks with Russia to make money was ludicrous…………..can you imagine?
(ring ring, ring ring)
Hallo
Hello? Is that Mr.Putin
Da
Oh, hello, Carnival Cruise Lines here
Oh, Hellov Mr.Chaillov……you are manov Fun Shipov and have many fishov in gardenov
Yes, that’s me. The reason I am calling is I have figured out a bit of a scam. You tell me that the guests on the Carnival Splendor can’t go ashore unless they have bought a tour. If you say “Da” to this I will give you a free four day cruise on the Carnival Imagination plus a free bottle of Vodka in your cabin and arrange a photo of you and Fun Ship Freddy to hang in the Kremlin.
Sbasiba Comrade Cahill………tellov your passengersov thatove theyove needov a visaov or a tourov toov getov the shipov otherwiseove theyov willov beove seeingov Siberia …………. Oh, Comrade…………willove Johnov healdove beov the Cruiseov Directorov whenove I amove onov the Imagination?
Well, the guest does have one point……..having a family of four onboard and paying for tours either privately of through the vessel is expensive……….is he right, do Russian visas really cost that amount of money? Anyway, I gave his kids some tokens for the arcade and a bottle of wine for Mum and Dad………….I felt a little sorry for them.
So, with sunny skies and 70-degree temperatures the guests are ashore. It’s now 8:20 pm and we have From Russia With Love playing on the big screen, trivias, game shows, music, dancing and karaoke going on for those onboard. Most guests are ashore enjoying the Ballet, Folkloric shows and more……..Heidi is at the Supper Club with the girls, and me…….well, I am here.
I want to thank you for all your support for me regarding my conversation with the Life Coach……….once again I am humbled by all those who took the time to write and said that they liked me just the way I am. He also it turns out had a conversation with other crew members including Ken the maitre d……….whom he said he could help “become a better person”…………….sorry Mr Life Coach but that is utter bollocks. Ken is a fantastic guy and anyone who has enjoyed his smile, his banter and his voice at dinner will tell you that they are a “better person” for having known him.
NAME : Ken Bryne
DEPARTMENT AND POSITION Food & Beverage – Sr. Maitre’D
HOW LONG HAVE YOU WORKED FOR CARNIVAL CRUISE LINES
18 yearsWHAT DOES YOUR JOB INVOLVE:
Full supervision of all restaurant service areas and guest satisfactionWHERE ARE YOU FROM
IrelandWHAT DO YOU ENJOY MOST ABOUT YOUR JOB
Meeting new people, both guest and crew, and I love singingTELL US ABOUT YOUR FAMILY BACK HOME
My wife of 20 years Esther is a retail manager and my 24 year old daughter Kellie is a beautician for CliniqueWHAT DO YOU MISS MOST ABOUT BEING IN YOUR HOME COUNTRY APART FROM FAMILY
Driving to the country, walking my dogs and football.FAVORITE THINGS
MOVIE
Shawshank RedemptionMUSIC
Sinatra and BubleFOOD
All kinds.IF YOU COULD MEET ANY FAMOUS PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO WOULD IT BE
Has to be Sinatra
IF YOU HAD TO DO ANOTHER JOB ON THE SHIP WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO AND WHY
Be a singer with the big band, cos I love to sing.
Following my disastrous massage that ended up with a Hazmat team being called to the Spa I have pondered on other ways to follow doctor’s orders and relax, and my thoughts turned to home and something that always relaxed me cutting the grass.
As I may have mentioned before in a previous blog thingy I have not exactly been blessed with green. However, cutting or mowing the grass as we say across the pond is something I can do…………….and something that is totally relaxing.
When we bought our little barn the owner also sold us his “Lawnmaster” riding lawn mower. It’s wonderful, all you have to worry about is driving in a straight line and not running over the flowers or a rabbit. With the sun on your back, a Monte Cristo #2 in your mouth and Jethro Tull playing on my Eye Pod thingy my aches and pains would disappear and my muscles went floppier than a sumo wrestler’s bottom.
When I finish a show or indeed a blog there is no time to admire your work, you walk of stage or press send and then say “right, what’s next?” However, when you cut the grass you have time to stand back with your hands on your hips and admire your work and praise yourself for having created a picture perfect lawn worthy of holding the World Croquet Championships on.
This is something I got from my Dad. Not only is he a master wood craftsman he is also a lawn master………….or when we were kids he was the Chief Inspector of the Lawn Police. My Dad is calmness personified but when we were kids playing on the lawn was as forbidden as setting fire to the cat and if we darted to walk on it or even think about playing on it we would see calm Dad turn into a Tasmanian Lawn Devil.
I often thought he was a bit over the top but having had a lawn of my own now I understand. The fact that I am not there at home now and Dad is cutting the grass for me makes me very jealous.
I love my lawn and have morphed into my Dad. Just before I left for the ship I discovered a patch of thistles and I was so angry if I had had a gun, I would have shot it. It was ugliness in a garden of beauty…………..it was like having a photo of the world’s top 50 super models with Judge Judy in the middle of the front row……….naked.
You see, the Doctor wants me to relax and if I had a Lawn Mower I could go up and cut the astro turf on the mini golf course or use it to cut the beard off the life coach who told me I was an ugly, bent-toothed fat git last night.
I also think that gardening may be the answer. For years I watched Dad escape among the Rhododendrons but he was good at it………..I’m crap. I secretly want to be good though. I want a shed, I want Homes and Gardens of The Rich and Tanned to come over to my house and write a 30-page feature on my garden but as I said, everything else I have ever done in the garden has led to disaster and often death for the plant or flower involved.
Apparently Prince Charles is an avid gardener and says in his autobiography that all gardeners should talk to their plants. This is something that I have found most unrewarding. If I talk to them…….they die…….and if I ignore them………they die. It may work for His Royal Highness prince Jug Ears but it doesn’t for me and anyway….why should I listen to someone who has always been a bit “weird” in my book…..I mean it has to be said…he left one of the world’s most beautiful and sexy ladies for someone who is only just better looking than me.
Heidi has been discussing planting an oak tree but again I don’t understand the point. You plant it; stand back and bugger all happens. OK, if the thing doesn’t commit suicide then maybe your great, great, great, great granddaughter may see something larger than a twig………….you do all the work and spend all the money and see nothing.
Anyway, while I may love sitting on my little Honda mowing the lawn listening to Ian Andersen sing Thick as a Brick and Aqualung while puffing on Cuba’s finest the gardening thing is too much like hard work. You spend your entire life wearing crap clothes, smelling of horse poo with your head between your ankles, you end up with a bad back which means you will go to the doctor who will recommend you have to have a massage so you do and as she pummels your back you fart and the massage therapists chokes from the smell of a double egg and onion omelet and says she wont tell anyone but does so that wherever you walk people will make farting noises and giggle.
I miss my lawn mower.
Here are some photos from this morning:
The Immigration Building
The Immigration Building
The Russian Customs Officials Labeled Carnival/Non-Carnival Tours
The Russian Customs Officials Labeled Carnival/Non-Carnival Tours
Goodnight
Your friends
John and Heidi
Filed under: Europe, Tales from the Ship, Travel | Tagged: Carnival Splendor
John,
So glad to hear St Pete went smoother the second time around. We figured 3rd time to be the charm and are booked on the Aug 6 sailing. We promise not to comment on weight, teeth, Hazmat experiences or any of the like! Just your pleasant, everyday consumer bunking on the Main deck, enjoying some family time and making memories!
Hahahahaaaa!! John… you have a way of circling the wagons, surrounding the point you want to make and beating it into submission!! I LOVE it!!
Glad to hear that St. Petersburg is better this time around. Perhaps there won’t be so many ill-conceived complaints this trip.
I’m also glad to hear the Mr. I-know-how-to-live-your-life-better-than-you-do found someone else to inflict himself upon. How sad that it was Ken…
Every man understands how you feel about mowing the lawn… every man with a riding mower, that is. When I was just a whelp my dad had a push mower… no engine other than me… to cut the grass with. Never once did I stand back to admire my handiwork. I did occasionally faint from the heat but never felt any significant level of satisfaction.
How nice to see that you’ve come to grips with the message flatulence thingy… As I have said in previously… this, too, shall pass!!!
Pass along my howdies to the lovely Heidi and the industrious beyond belief Stephanie!!!
Ciao!!!
Host Mach
Hi John,
Of course, we all support you – did you doubt it for a second? But as someone else mentioned, since Mr. Life Coach has been bothering others on board, he should be told that solicitation is not allowed. But I have another idea – any more shows with audience participation where you can embarrass the s–t out of him?
I feel bad for those that can’t afford the prices of the shore excursions, visas, etc. for the entire family. But as for not knowing the visas were needed, I knew and I’m not even on the cruise. Like you said before, people just don’t read their documents, or listen to their travel agents, or even ask the right questions. I just found out my cabin number on the Miracle and I’ve already checked the deck plan to see where the nearest stairs or elevators are.
Talk to your plants, tell them jokes, play music – they’ll be happier and grow really well. If you believe all that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn……
Seriously, I don’t know if that works or not, but I think you have to spend a lot of time nurturing the plants & trees. More than just watering once a week. But you’re not home that much, so unless you get plastic plants & flowers, it may be difficult.
So have a great night, hello to Heidi & think positive thoughts because you are the best – remember that.
Hugs,
Carol
John: I really needed this laugh today. Just returned from picking up my husband from the hospital. He had surgery on his ear and cheek due to skin cancer. It must be 100 degrees out there and now I have to go out again to pick up his meds. But I’m so glad I read your blog before doing all this. You are my theropy. I’m going to be so disappointed if you are not our CD on the Jan. 10th Splendor cruise..
Take care,
Regards,
Terry
Thanks for profiling Ken! Me and a few of my friends met him on the July 2nd Splendor Inaugural and had a great chat with him. He is a wonderful man!
I hope Ken gave Mr. Life Coach the bottle up the bottom if you didn’t! The guy is amazing and should be made to “walk the plank”. We like you and Ken the way you are and I can’t wait to hear him sing again in person! 114 days and counting!
I agree that there is a lot of satisfaction derived from cutting the grass and lately I have farmed out that duty and do miss it as well–sometimes. I didn’t ride when I had to do mine or have the cigar either.
Sorry for the people without the Visa’s but people need to do a bit more research for themselves before embarking on this type of journey with the family or perhaps they need a better travel agent. We found that we will need a visa for Brazil for the Splendor 1-31-09 cruise and it is $165 so I don’t know about Russia but they are expensive.
JOHN FYI–THE ABOVE INFO ON VISAS
Glad it went somewhat smoother today in St. Petersburg. Difficult to do, but try to rest.
Sometimes I can’t help myself…..John admiring his accomplishments on achieving a fine manicured lawn after a relaxing spin around the yard on his riding lawn mower….
In his words…
“However, when you cut the grass you have time to stand back with your hands on your hips ….”
….somehow mutates into… you guessed it…
You bring your knees in tight.
But it’s the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let’s do the time-warp again.
Instead of the Dolly Parton thingy…. You could always do a Dr. Frank-N-Furter
….just sayin….
Mark
The Flying Dutchman
John, did you see the story this week where the guy shot his lawn mower. Not all share the same view about lawns. Maybe they will let you bring your John Dear riding mower on board and each evening you can do a few laps around the walking track enjoying your cubin cigar.
When dealing with plants ….perhaps you need to think creatively…..
talk to them…….they die……
ignore them………they die…..
Give them the Cloud 9 Spa Treatment…
fart near them ….they may thrive….
….think about it….. Farmers spread manure on fields and that oh-so-fresh smell that permeates everything surrounding that area……it’s gotta help
Mark
The Flying (not a tulip farmer) Dutchman
John, that dude better thank his lucky star that the Big Ed’s evil Krewe aren’t on board with him, we’d make his life miserable……..Right Gang?
Hi to Heidi, Stephanie……you’re doing an excellent job as usual, Suze and John’s Mum and Dad
On and also Hi to Ken…………we enjoyed his singing and our chats with him on our last cruise…
Carolyn…..the newly appointed Countess of the Evil Krewe.
Hey John!!
Another hat for you. Do you know that you are also a wizard??
Someone in a board somewhere said that you have us all enchanted. oh! That explains why on the evil krewe we have Kings , princess, empress, countess, knights in shining armors, ladies in waiting, fairy godmothers and even a frog. Now it makes sense…um
The enchanted Princess Nanni of the muchos huggos
Hey John,
you can tell Mr.______ that according to VisaToRussia.com, a tourist visa costs USD 30 and takes 1 day to process, or if you are in a hurry you can pay USD 45 and get it same day!
I’m not going to search the Florida AG’s website, but I’m pretty sure his statement that they have longstanding complaints against CCL is also BS.
It’s incredible how some people will just make up crap to “prove” they are right. (I’ll bet $100 he’s a Republican).
Ah Ken! He was awesome, had him on the Freedom back in December, this man is good!
Also, I believe you were my cruise director long ago ( Imagination, 1995), I seem to of just missed you on the Freedom, would be nice to have you as a cruise director again
.
Dear John so glad things ran smoother in St.Petersburg maybe theres hope for them yet.Its funny how we become the image of our fathers.I use to say as a young chap I would never tell my kid he couldn’t stay up to watch a Cowboy show on a school night.Or go to the movies after being on restriction for shooting the neighbors cat with a pop gun.But alas with age` we become our fathers image.Sure the circumstances change for the kids don’t know what Pop guns are and now its alien robot raiders from space instead of westerns.But we become our Fathers and Mothers image. Just as our children will become our images OH!!Bugger!!!!.Best wishes to you all.Gary and Bug
Mark Twain and a Half
No, he sounds more like a DEMONcrat.
BIG ED
John,
Have you tried singing to the plants??? You know…. there’s a booger in the sugar, no it’s snot
LOL
John -
Your profile today is of a wonderful person who does everything he can to bring pleasure to his customers in the restaurant.
We have been lucky enough to have Ken on multiple cruises – the most recent being the Transatlantic Cruise. At our table was an older couple with their son. When Ken would sing, she would enjoy the singing, but was unable to get up quickly enough to get a view of Ken.
We made a point to speak with Ken about coming up to the upper level. Apparently, there was concern that the mike would work up there, but he told us that he was going to test it out. He took her name and told us that he would make it a point to sing a song especially for her.
We were not present that night, as we were eating in the Supper Club, but all Shirley could talk about the next night was that Ken had sung a song just for her – and had come up to the upper tier of the restaurant to do so.
I do not know why you don’t have Ken in every Legends Show doing a Sinatra tune – he has a most beautiful voice that fulfills his most beautiful personality.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE make Ken the maitre d’ of the Blogger’s dining room for the Blogger’s cruise.
JustJon
Hi Mr. Wonderful John: Have you run into Mr. Know it All today? I hope you get on the same elevator with him ALONE and when you get off give him something to remember! Make it a BIG LOUD SMELLY ONE too! HA! Thanks for answering your email, can’t wait to see your schedule next month. One of the bloggers going on a Splendor ship cruise in December said you would be on their cruise, so I wondered if you knew your schedule already. Linda & Mike
For US Citizens, a Russian Visa is $131 and takes about a week. It was less expensive until the US raised visa prices for Russians and they reciprocated. Bushwhacked, again.
I see some in the US Govt are trying to decriminalize marijuana usage, at least at the Federal level. Yet it is still illegal for US citizens to purchase Cuban cigars? Go figure.
On the Carnival Medieval Walking tour in Tallinn, the tour guide mentioned when the President of Estonia met with President Bush that he was supposed to ask George W, “How are you?” Instead he asked “Who are you?”. The tour group’s consensus was that without cue cards with answers, George W was left speechless.
Ta Da!
Mark Twain and a Half and Big Ed:
This bet is easy to settle….just have John ask Mr Life Coach if he knows what the definition of “is” is.
If he does, he is a Republican.
If he does not, he is worse than a Democrat,
he is our ex-President!!! LOL
John:
There are also some ladies among us who love to cut the grass. In fact, I was always the grass cutter until I had an “episode” with my heart one day while cutting it. No riding mower for me. A mulching mower so that the clippings can reseed and fertilize. See, I was “green” before being green was cool!!!
After the heart thingy, the privilege went to my oldest son and once he went to college … it went to hubby….where it will remain. So things are as they should be!!
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
John, according to the Russian Embassy website, as of 1/14/2008 the cost of a tourist visa is $131 for US citizens (with a 6-10 day processing time) [for EU citizens, it is $50]. The difference in price is due to the respective charges for Russian citizens to get a visa to the US or EU countries.
Visa costs, of course, are reflected in the charges for tours. But if one is booking a Baltic cruise, it certainly is worth the extra cost to tour St. Petersburg, whether on a ships tour, private tour, or on ones own.
It’s like Deja News.
Good thing Ken is a better singer than I am at video, but here are some clips from the Inaugural Baltic:
http://www.zydecocruiser.com/splendor/ken_video.htm
John…
They wish it on us and that’s what happens… we become our parents!! It’s the circle of life… hee hee hee…
God is my gardener. He provides the water (sometimes) and he provides the inspiration. I do have to supplement His work… but I fear I will never make Garden of the Month… again! We did get that once… about 20 years ago…
I pray your not-able-to-go-ashore family is cool, calm, and collected!!! I know my DD would love the arcade tokens and the wine would never go to waste!! You’re a Sweetie!!
Bless you!!! You’re Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!!!
Lambie
So happy to see a photo of Ken and it just reminds me of his warm personality and wonderful voice which we had the privilege of hearing on your previous sailing. Wow it’s good to be home but we miss the fun we had with John and Ken and all the wonderful Splendor crew!
Happy to hear the private tour people in St. P. didn’t have to sneak off the ship this time! I knew you would work things out, John!
Ah, mowing the grass. I love it! The smell! The green toes! There is nothing like a sunny summer day and a John Deere.
Too bad I sucked up a 40 foot piece of nylon rope with the mower on Monday. The good news is that it came off in 18 inch sections. The bad news is the nylon melted to my mulching blades. Shhh…. don’t tell my husband… I hope to have it fixed by the time he gets home.
Poor Ken- having to listen to mister life coach.How unbelievably rude. Do you have the guy’s picture posted in the crew area so they can avoid him?
Ken is such a treasure. Thanks for the interview.
No,No….Ken should just come with us and like John…have a Maitra d’ working the ship that week and Ken can hang out with us and be our food coach for the week….and work the piano bar and sing with us all week !!! Anyone agree…how cool it would be to have John and Ken “off Duty” with us bloggers….WaHooooo !
Froggy
John,
Just say the word and we could kick that Mr. Lifecoach’s butt off the ship.
Mark, the flying dutchman-
Would love to see John dressed in a feather boa and corset as Dr. Frankenfurter(Tim Curry). But John, can you sing like Tim Curry? And are you really a “Sweet Transvestite…from Transexual Transylvania”?!?
We ALL LOVE you, John!!
SueM aka SuefrmNarrowsburg
So…..
Mr Life Coach is busy touting for business on the cruise?
It’s nice to know that he has got his own life sorted……. keeping his work time and his precious vacation time completely seperate…….
Hardly a good advert for his skills, is it!
(We have prohibited this kind of thing in our terms & conditions at the caravan park for years)
PLEASE REPLY IF POSS.
Hi John, I know its too late as this probably wont get read now, but I just want to thank you for straightening out the probs re: St Petersburg. I have booked a private tour, my Dad is disabled, the reason for booking that tour is that we can do a shortday if we want and come back when we want. The private tours are accomodating. I would have booked a Carnival van tour, but your prices seemed ott. We have booked a few Carnival tours in the other ports because they are short tours and Dad will not be too tired and will not be a nuisance to other passengers (he is slow getting on/off the bus and loo breaks etc). I was dissapointed with your first set of advice re private tours. It scared me and the family to think we had paid out and may not get on our tour, and your suggestion that without visas meant we would not be able to take our tour made us feel quite worried. I thought it was a little unneccessary. I truly appreciate that you need to sell tours but please understand that there are loads of different reasons why people book private tours its not always to get the cheapest deal or to beat the ships choice. Sometimes its because if we went on a coach for 9 hours it would be too hard for a disabled traveller or would be irritating for the rest of the passengers due to the slowness of the person etc. I have been in sales most of my life and know that customer service counts towards your reputation. If you try to sell to the detriment of competitors it can backfire. People need to trust you. Anyway enough said. Thanks for the blog today and thanks for making it all ok. I still think you are a great bloke and will continue to read. Looking forward to seeing you on the 18th August cruise.
Hi John/Heidi:
Those pictures are amazing. That tiny little shack for all the passengers to go through? What a joke.
I am a terrible lawn mover. I call myself “Mr. Black Thumb” since everything i touch on my lawn/garden seems to die. Better to let teh pros handle it.
Nice interview with ken.
Thanks for another great blog and hope things continue to progress better.
Take care,
David
John,
I could not believe the audacity of the self help guru you described. He is nothing more than a disreputable salesman attempting to sell you something you do not need or want.
Frankly in my opinion if you ever tired of being a CD you would be a natural as a standup comic!
You mentioned that rock may be a dying art form. Being of a similar age I understand this comment.
Well check out these young lads. Have you ever heard of Airbourne from Australia? They have a few videos on YOUTUBE.
Brian