Saturday, August 23rd, 2008...9:00 pm
Fred and Ginger Part 2…..With a Little Bronson
This is a blog that I have no idea if and when you will ever get to read. This is because just like Pamela Andersen’s husband, I woke up facing two mountains to climb.
Firstly, the satellite that supplies the ummmm……..thing…….that makes the internet, phones and the ATM work has not been given a visa to work this far up the Baltic sea, so like Pamela Andersen’s bra…….coverage is limited.
The other obstacle is my computer which for some reason has decided that indiscriminately it will just freeze and I have to do that control thingy delete maneuver and every third word, press the save thingy. So, I have spent much of the day on the phone with the wonderful Kat our I/S guru who sighed a lot, swore in German and fixed it………..until it started doing it again a few hours ago. Then, when I tried to print something just now it accused me of performing an illegal operation…….so that was me back on the phone with Kat again. Of course, what I should do is fly to Seattle and shove it up Bill Gates’ bottom.
Hopefully though sometime tonight the satellite will obtain its Russian visa and you will get to read my silly musings of the day.
We are in Helsinki and the weather has been wonderful…….70 degrees and sunny. However, tomorrow’s forecast in St. Petersburg has the threat of “heavy showers”…..buggerov….as they say in Russian.
Talking of Russian, I now return you to the wonderful world of Fred and Ginger.
As I mentioned we met yesterday to discuss their two days in St. Petersburg. Before I start, I have to be honest and say that I actually thought about asking one of the staff to go and sit with them as I knew that they would have me there until the end of time ……… however ……..and again I am being honest here………I decided to go without lunch and go……..just for the entertainment value.
And there they were. Sitting in the same seats. Fred, had is sandals and socks thing going on and as for Ginger, well she was wearing the same plain white dress, sitting in the same position as last time and still not saying a word………maybe she had died and nobody had noticed.
There on the floor though was my nemesis……..the carpet bag…………what horrors awaited me.
I started by asking if either one of them wanted a cup of coffee. Fred said a polite no thank you and Ginger couldn’t say anything because she was dead. I stood up to walk the 12 steps to the lobby bar to order a coffee when Fred said “Please can we start, we have our nap planned for 2 pm.” ……………………I stopped, realizing this was Fred’s way of telling me to sit down and it also told me I was in severe trouble as it was only 12:45 pm…………did this mean he expected me to be with him for 1 hour and 15 minutes…………and anyway, why would Ginger need a nap…….she’s dead.
So, coffeeless I sat down and wished I was a plumber…………….I would rather be up to my head in toilet water than here………..but where duty calls.
My desire to have a large rubber glove on unblocking a toilet was cemented when the first words out of Fred’s mouth were “I need you to contact the American Embassy in St. Petersburg to confirm that it is safe for American’s to visit under the current climate.” ……
Continuing, he said “I called before we left but I need an update on the situation before myself and my wife go ashore and I am surprised you have not told the passengers this as well”……he added with a slight sneer.
Well, once again I had two choices……….try some humor which last time had failed miserably or just explain professionally the situation ………..I decided to go for the humor one last time so I said “Well, I just saw the news and it doesn’t look good, the Russian troops have taken Georgia and have just crossed the border into Alabama and CNN reports large explosions coming from inside a Taco Bell …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
What you just experienced there is two and half lines of nothing, which was Fred’s exact response……..nothing. Ginger of course couldn’t laugh because she was dead.
Now, I don’t know if you have ever been in a situation when you have said something that you thought was funny, expected the sound of laughter to resonate and instead be met by stony silence………it’s about as uncomfortable has having a nest of ants in your underpants.
So, I apologized for my lame attempt at humor, promised I would check with The American Ambassador personally that it was safe for Fred and the Bride of Frankenstein to visit…………. and we carried on.
Fred started to drone on in that monotone voice and I settled down for 50 minutes of torture.
As you may remember, Fred had decided to rent a car in Germany something he told me he did wherever he and his deceased wife went. He started by telling me a bizarre story about his trip to Italy last year and specifically how rude the people had been to him….in Capri.
I was amazed, and asked him what had happened. Well, to cut a long story short, Fred had driven through Naples which is the only city in the world where a red light on a traffic light means GO. Then, he drove onto a Ferry to go to Capri. ……………I knew what was coming.
You see, in Capri, you are not allowed to drive on the island unless you live there and that’s exactly what happened to Fred…………he drove off the Ferry………….was stopped by the Polizi and then was told to get back onto the ferry and bugger of back to bella Napoli.
Fred told me he had argued with the officer for a “long time” and I could imagine that the sound of the car horn would have been heard all over the island as the non too patient locals told Fred to go away and multiply.
It was as he was telling this story that I panicked……….was Fred thinking of renting a car in St. Petersburg. Was this retired roboton from small town America thinking that he could hire a car and drive through the streets of St. Petersburg?
All sorts of images began going through my mind of Fred and the body in the front seat driving in this huge city full of twists and turns and signposts in “paperclip.”
Then, thank goodness he told me that he had booked a “driver” and was taking a private tour. He then opened the carpet bag and took out a huge map of St. Petersburg, a 300 page guide on Russia…….I just caught sight of the famous jar of powdered milk and bizarrely…… an industrial-sized staple gun.
So, for the next 30 minutes he told me his itinerary and what he had told the tour company he wanted to do. He went through each stop at the hermitage, Catherine Palace, Peter and Paul Fortress, The Church of the Spilled Blood, telling me at each location what he wanted to see. It occurred to me as he spoke that he wasn’t actually asking me any questions…………he just wanted to tell me what he was doing…………..why?………….maybe telling me gave him satisfaction and credibility……….or maybe it was because he had nobody else to tell considering Ginger had passed away in 1997.
And so, at 1:50 pm, Fred packed away the map, the guide and at one point I thought he was going to put Ginger in the carpet bag as well. I stood to go…..waited for a thank you or a goodbye…..but it was never going to happen…….I had been dismissed …..it was time for their nap…..and so Fred and Ginger who had miraculously risen from the dead went for their nap………leaving me to worry about them all over again.
I need a break………..here are some photos of Dover Castle ………. yes, I know we are in Helsinki…….but I just got this from Lawrence our Production Singer and wanted to share them with you immediately ………..they are great photos.
Thank to all of you for your continued comments. As always I have read them all and replied to each and everyone that says “please reply, urgent.”
I would also like to say a special welcome to all the new bloggers who have just joined us after sailing last voyage. We all bid you a warm welcome onboard.
I see many of you were hoping you were going to be onboard the same cruise as me when I embark on my Grand Tour next year. If any of you are, please let me know nearer the time so we can arrange to meet.
I also received a few comments from people saying that my blog was hard to find……..and you are right. My blog link thingy has been removed from the CCL homepage ……..hopefully I will be put back one day soon.
Now, to the bloggers cruise. We have the hotel ready now and Stephanie will release the name and how to book very soon. She is also working diligently on finding the right venue for the big pre-cruise dinner and once we have everything ready to go we will announce everything in one big happy package.
Let’s meet today’s guest Cruise Director Mr. Bronson. He and I have been friends for many years and I have watched with pride as he has become the CD he is today…………here is his excellent interview.
1. Can you tell us which ship you’re currently are on and when you are due to leave?Carnival Pride. November.
2. Carnival Cruise Directors come from very diverse backgrounds. Some have entertainment experience, some, like me have none. Can you tell us about your background and how you ended up with the best job in the world.
I am amazed at what a journey it has been to get to where I am today. Did any of us imagine ever getting a dream job of being a Cruise Director? I didn’t even know what one was, for that matter, what any position was on a ship until I started working on ships 11 years ago. I find that amazing too. 11 years has passed by already. It seems like yesterday or maybe like a week ago that I signed on a ship for the very first time. I remember that day very clearly. I got up at 3am to fly from Fresno, California (where I had just left a good friend who I helped move everything he owned including his record store from Seattle, Washington – he didn’t have a car, so he asked me to drive his rental moving truck) to LAX, the airport for Los Angeles, California and found myself in San Pedro at 5am waiting for a Carnival ship called the Holiday. The ship came in and I started my first 9 month contract as a Social Host doing 3 and 4 day cruises. It was a very festive time and I couldn’t believe I got to do this for a living.
To go back to the beginning of my journey, it all started when I was smaller in size and younger than I am today. I was a writer with an active imagination and wrote many different stories which evolved into graphic novels with animation. The animated drawing then evolved into fashion design which led to actually creating the things I originally drew on paper. The creative process has always gotten me excited and I love the ability to brainstorm ideas and see them through. The clothing I created evolved from loud attention getting in your face type of wear to a more subtle yet unique look which is used for entertainment purposes. This subtle unique look was created by me for my entrance into the entertainment world, that being my own Disc Jockey business. My mobile business was a lot of fun and I experienced great success. From the mobile DJ business, I was hired to work in a night club, where a friend of mine in the DJ business would visit every week and made the suggestion I work on cruise ships. I put the suggestion on a back burner and continued working in a variety of night clubs for about 3 more years. I was then ready to try the next big thing for me which
was working on a cruise ship.I put together a resume and carefully selected from my various work experiences to list as much diversity as possible. I had no idea what type of jobs existed on a ship and thought maybe I’d get a job washing dishes or being a wine steward or something. I applied as a DJ and was hired as a Social Host. I said great, whatever that is, I will do it! What an amazing adventure it has been. Being Social Host has been incredibly rewarding. I’ve been fortunate to meet so many wonderful guests and crew and they in turn have been very kind to me. Then I received the promotion to CD! As of this upcoming October 2008, I will have been in the dream position of Cruise Director for 5 years. It just keeps getting better and better.
3. Before we talk about some of your favorite parts of the job, lets talk about the areas behind the scenes……….the things guests never see. Tell us about what a Cruise Director does when he or she is not on the stage but keeps you just as busy.The Stage stuff really is just a small portion of the Cruise Director job of today. Paperwork, meetings and inspections are a big part of the job and pretty much behind the scenes. Safety is our #1 priority. There is no safer place to vacation than on a cruise ship. A Carnival cruise ship is a community of friends and family with a common goal-having a great time on a well deserved vacation. If something happens and a guest has to dial 911, they do not get the fire department or the police station, they get us the crew. We the crew are 911 and that is a big job in itself. Not only are we the Fun Ships, we are also the safe ships.
For safety, we do a variety of proactive acts including port manning, training, observation and meetings. I am in charge of the Guest Safety Team and a group in the Safety Observation Team. We meet regularly and work together to continuously improve safety for guests and crew. I’m also in charge of Safety Training, including a team in the Security Drill, Work Place Fire Safety Awareness, Theatre Evacuation and On the Job Training. We have regular safety related meetings which include the Fire Risk Assessment Inspection and the Quarterly Safety Meeting.
There are also a variety of meetings I attend every week as part of or running it myself including the Captain’s Meeting, the Hotel Director’s Meeting, the Production Meeting, the Entertainment Department Meeting, the Entertainment Staff Meeting and the Business Partner Meeting along with the normal Safety, Muster Station and Life raft Training Meetings.
I do the Guest Boat Drill announcements at the beginning of each cruise and regular activity announcements throughout the voyage. It helps to be organized as there is a lot to communicate too. The Travel and Adventure Talk and the Debarkation Information Talk are opportunities for the guests to be informed about the many options available to them. These talks require a lot of attention to detail and must be accurate. I spend a lot of time constantly tweaking them as the information changes from cruise to cruise.
The Carnival Capers are the guide to the fun and the information center at the same time. They require constant daily adjustments as they list everything for every department as well as safety messages and Environmental information. The Cruise Director does the updates to the Carnival Capers before they are sent to print. Last week, I made adjustments for the Casino, Photo Department, Duty Free Shops, Art Auctioneer, Golf Pro, Destination Shopping Specialist, Carnival SeaMiles, Camp Carnival, Infirmary, Musicians and the F&B Department along with the normal changes of the date, sunrise and sunset and the Fly On Entertainer schedule.
The adjustments for all the departments vary from week to week. Last week was a particularly busy one for changes. In regards to paperwork, we are blessed and cursed at the same time with e-mail. On this ship, I get approximately 70 e-mails a day. Some are for information only, some are for upcoming meetings, some are for communication, some are for inquiries, some are new directives, some are new assignments and some are from my mom. Every week I do a voyage report, fly on entertainer evaluations and a report for the Carnival Capers. Schedules are something that are adjusted on a regular basis too. Funtime Schedules are like clock in and clock out procedures. They require a lot of attention to detail and must be 100% accurate. Much time is spent making sure they stay accurate. When a staff member signs off the ship at the end of their contract, I do a performance evaluation for them. During their contract, I may do a Performance Record, some are positive and some are positive suggestions for improvement. One more thing for the e-mail, I’ve kept track of how many I get a week for kicks. The lowest was 468 (lots of people in the office on vacation) and the highest was 1341 (due to itinerary change caused by a hurricane). There are other various paperwork reports that must be done and I deal with them according to priority. There was a big schedule one this week that required a lot of time to put together and had to be sent to the office as a special project.
Another behind the scenes activity is meeting and touching base with the business partners, different musical acts, fly on entertainers, other departments and the Hotel Director. I meet with all parties regularly to communicate and stay in touch to address needs, inquiries or concerns.
The best part of the behind the scenes stuff is planning and brainstorming ideas. For me, it has always been about some form of process. Working on an upcoming project or implementing a new idea and seeing if it works well or not is very exciting. My latest project is preparing for the Frightfully Fun parties we will be doing in October.
4. A Cruise Director is happiest when performing or being with guests. Can you tell us two activities or events that you could call your signature items…… events that make you stand out from the crowd.
Strangely enough, my last name stands out. I emphasize it when introducing myself. It was a nickname given to me a long time ago that I really like. I’ve been told by many a guest that they may not remember anything else about their previous cruise vacation, but they do remember that guy with the crazy name. In the Caper I will add a couple R’s for emphasis. It was originally Jeff Bronson with the last name like the famous actor named Charles had. For years now I have pronounced it as Brrronson (brawn sawn!).
There are people who love it so much, they will exclaim it when something happens, one person has given that name to a stuffed animal and one guest has even named their pet fish after me. I’m flattered!
I do a rendition of a song called With of Without You originally performed by the rock band U2. I have a lot of fun with it and we usually all laugh together, because the song starts out fine and goes horribly wrong by the end of it. I’m told by guests and crew that they have never seen anything like it and they laugh so hard when they do.
It seems I am developing a reputation when it comes to Halloween. I like to give a pretty extravagant effort to the festivity and it seems every year I try to make it bigger than the previous year. I’m understanding there are people who now plan to sail on the ship I’m on for the Frightfully Fun stuff we do for Halloween. It all started with a mask I found at the costume shop one vacation about 4 years ago. I think every kid imagines themselves as a super hero. Mine was Batman and now I’ve been bringing that dream to life. This year the Carnival Pride will see Batman and also my favorite villain the Joker. The Entertainment Staff go to great lengths to help me live these crazy dreams and we all have a fantastic time.
Last year, there were little kids who couldn’t wait to meet Batman. It was amazing to see how excited they were. You’d think it was Santa Claus or something. Oh, and there was one adult man who was absolutely terrified and ran away. His wife laughed and explained to me that he was scared of Batman. It’s just a costume…
5. What has been your most challenging moment as Cruise Director so far
One year I was on one of our beautiful ships and all was well until the incident. I got the call at 5:00am. Even though everything is done right and everything is maintained to the highest standards, it does happen, on a very rare occasion. The engine broke. Everything was still working and all was in order, we were just running on half speed, which means we weren’t going to make it to our normally scheduled ports of call. I informed the guests on the PA system around 9:00am and then did a Q&A at 11:00am. There were just over 2000 people in the main show room and I got to be the messenger. I would like to thank John Heald and Roger Blum for their indirect assistance when dealing with that situation. I was John’s host on the Carnival Destiny in 1998 and had watched and learned as he dealt with a variety of different challenges at that time. Roger had just sent us one of those inspirational e mails that made you take a bit of perspective just a day or two before the incident. I’m happy to say that most folks that day decided that they were on vacation and were going to have a great time no matter what.
6. And, your most rewarding I have a few of them.
My first big Halloween party. It was such a huge success. Meeting Hulk Hogan and getting to be on one of his shows (which I haven’t actually seen yet but I’ve heard a lot about it from guests and crew). Meeting Van Halen’s Michael Anthony and Sammy Hagar and getting to hold the trophy
inducting them into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I grew up listening to their music.
7. On your current ship can you tell us about your itinerary and can you recommend one must do excursion from each port of callThe Carnival Pride is an excellent ship with an excellent itinerary. You get a perfect balance of cruising and port visits.
First port-Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I highly recommend the Extreme Canopy Tour. It is the ultimate outdoor adventure.
Second port-Mazatlan, Mexico. My personal favorite was the Sierra Madre Tour. You see so much of the area and you get a cookie along with a really nice lunch.
Third port-Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The Mini Jeep Rhino Tour. Like a golf cart on speed. It is such a fun tour.
8. Why, in your opinion is Carnival…………..the world’s most popular cruise lineIt doesn’t matter what walk of life or where you come from. All are welcome here and we are all one happy family. When a guest sails on a Carnival ship, they are at their home away from home and with their adoptive family, being the crew of many different cultures. You can be whatever you want to be on the Carnival ships. You can be a star of the cruise or just sit back and enjoy the ride. I’ve also been fortunate to vacation in a few places and have to say there is no better value than what you get on a Carnival cruise.
9. Is there a ship in the fleet you would love to be Cruise Director of that you have yet to be so and what port of call would you like to visit that you have not so far in your career
I’ve really enjoyed every ship I’ve been on so far. As far as ports go, I’d like to visit Bermuda.
10. Every CD has a story to tell from their time onboard. What’s your most recent funny, sad or inspirational story you can share with us
There was a child on the stairs the other day and he was so tiny and cute. He saw me and chirped “Como se Llama?”, which I think is “what’s your name?”. I told him and he giggled and laughed. You had to be there.
11. Finally………….pick a Cruise Director table ……………..you are
hosting a table at dinner onboard the carnival Dream………what’s for dinner……..and who do you invite.APPETISER Those meatball thingys with BBQ sauce
MAIN COURSE Filet Mignon butterflied with potatoes and asparagus
DESERT Cappuccino Pie
SOMEONE FROM THE CRUISE INDUSTRY John Heald
SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD Al Ernst
YOUR FAVORITE ACTRESS Jessica Alba
YOUR FAVORITE ACTOR Christian Bale or Edward Norton
YOUR FAVORITE MUSICIAN John Mayer or The Corrs
AND SOMEONE FROM HISTORY YOU WISHED YOU HAD MET Jesus
Great job mate.
So far, this cruise is going very, very well. The mixture of guests is great, the weather has been mostly very good and the comments have been very positive indeed.
OK, before I go on to the next subject I refer you to my disclaimer that states that what I write is my opinion and not that of Carnival Cruise Lines or indeed any other bugger……….just mine.
With that in mind I have to say that I am having problems yet again with the large Asian groups onboard. As individuals they are as nice as can be and as timid as mice but put them in a group they become snarling saber toothed tigers hunting in packs and devouring those around them. I am sorry to say but again our incident report is full of comments about this from other guests and many have stopped me to tell me tales of having their feet stepped on, being pushed out of the way to get in elevators and worst of all……..cutting in line at the Lido deck food service areas.
Now, there maybe some reading this that may think it’s inappropriate for me to write about this…………why? It’s a fact and I am sure it’s something that many have experienced first hand………..here is a comment from a guest……….just one of many.
Guest: Mr ———Ref: 002803296A
Cabin: ____Booking#: 8SR030 Added-Changed: 08/22/08 – 08/22/08____- COMPLAINT ABOUT RUDE GUESTS
Mr___________ came to the desk to say how upset he was on the rudeness of the Asian guests. Mr______ said that he and his 14 year old daughter were in the line for the Mongolian Wok when a group of 20 or so Asian guests pushed him and his daughter out of the way and went in the line. Guest said his daughter was crying. Guest then said an announcement should be made telling the guests about not doing this and how many guests all felt the same.
Purser said she would pass the comments on to the Hotel Director and Cruise Director. Guest thanked Purser and left. E Mail sent to Duncan and John.
Well, as much as I would like to say something over the PA system specifically mentioning certain groups of guests I cannot. I did tonight though mention something generic over the PA system about showing courtesy to your fellow guests when in line etc…….I hope they got the message. I just returned from the first show having stopped to get a cup of tea from the lobby bar and was thanked by three different guests for making the announcement. Hopefully …….. the message will have gotten through.
I apologize if anyone reading this is of Asian descent and is upset by what I have written…….but it is a concern and that means it’s my duty to share this with everyone. By the way, many of the guests are from Canada…….can any Canadians tell me if it’s like this on land?
I had lunch on Lido Deck today and met a wonderful man called Ben. You may have read his letter which I posted yesterday. ……………oh, sorry about the letters, I see that a lot is cut off………..that’s my fault I think because I scanned them incorrectly………I will make sure it’s correct next time.
Ben is 88 and served in World War II as an engineer on a US Naval Destroyer and was involved in the famous Battle of the Bulge. I sat and listened to him as he told me about the living conditions and he described the smells, the sounds and the fear of battle better than any film or book. His lovely wife Maryanne of 58 years was just charming and I hope they enjoy the strawberries and fruit basket I sent them along with a signed photo of the ship from the Captain. As always when you meet people like Ben you realize how lucky we are that there were people heroes like him ready and willing to fight for the freedom of the world.
And so the Olympics is coming to an end and apart from the little girl with sticky out teeth being Millie Vanilied and anyone daring to look poor being told to stay at home…………the games we have to say have been pretty spectacular.
Now, it’s London’s turn…………….I wonder how we will do.
Tourists do not come here for our weather, or the quality of our cooking. Nor are they attracted by the exceptional value of our hotels, or our beaches, or the fact that the 2:50 pm train from Kings Cross to Edinburgh will probably leave at 3:50 pm…..the next day. I’ve never met an American or a Japanese person who has said: “I want to come to Britain so I can buy an Arabic newspaper from an Indian store where the cashier speaks Polish.”
What most foreigners like about Britain is not multiculturalism or tolerance or any of that new labor nonsense. No, what they like is our history. Shakespeare. The Tower of London. Soldiers in preposterous hats who don’t move even if you pee on their shoes. Yes, they may go and see some weird sculptures in a modern art gallery but that’s only because they’ve spent the morning on the top of a sightseeing bus and……………….. they’re freezing.
The UK therefore will have to conjure up all its pomp and circumstance if the games will be a success. There should be lots of brass bands and soldiers with the huge bearskin hats and cheering crowds and soldiers on horses and free spotted dick for everyone and police dressed in the old fashioned helmets and bottomless barrels of tea and warm beer and The Queen and all the Royal family waving as only they do ……….and oh yes………….a Carnival ship docked on the Thames hosting the 2012 Bloggers/Olympics cruise.
Goodnight
Your Friends
John and Heidi
50 Comments
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Okay, I laughed out loud at the image of
Ginger…dead…the visuals from this blog were the best. I don’t laugh easily…thank you!
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:39 pm
John, I don’t know how you do the job you do. I sure could not. I would have to tell Fred to take a walk on a short pier.
You are the greatest.
Jennifer
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:42 pm
John:
Your comment about an “illegal operation” reminded me of an older gentleman who called in to our local “fix your computer” radio guy yesterday.
The older gentleman was VERY concerned. He told the radio computer host that his computer had performed an “illegal operation” and he wanted to know if he could get arrested for that?
He was serious….perhaps he is related to Fred???
So good to see the interview with Broooonnnsooonn. We sailed with him on the Paradise (back when it was smokefree in Florida) and had a wonderful time. I did a gospel song for the Talent Show and during Jeff’s “chat” after the song…he made reference to Hallelujah Angels and we both did an “AHHH” at the exact same time with absolutely no idea the other one was going to do it. It was a hoot!!!
Well, I got us packed for our cruise a week from Monday! Josh is missing this one, because college has started. (not something he is very pleased about). DJ is ready to hit Club O2. He can’t wait!!
Goose has Funship Freddie under control for Sept 1st…so we are good to go!!!
Hope your “computer” gets to feeling better…and Stephanie as well. I heard she was feeling a little under the weather. That lady has earned herself some serious mojitos (sp?) come February!!!
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Haha. I can just picture Fred and Ginger. They sound like a tamed version of Mrs S Snob! In it for the attention.
It will be interesting to see what London do for the opening ceramony. I never saw this years opening ceramony until it was repeated on BBC last night. It was awesome. How on earth they can choreograph that many people and so on is amazing. I really doubt, like you said John, that the UK will get off with spending that amount of money on a show. It’s a shame, because im sure what stunned so many about the games in China is the mystery surrounding China. I think a lot saw it as a very poor desolate country. Yet, their first ‘real’ glimpse of the country was the Opening Ceramony, which was stunning.
London will be expected to provide and amazing show from the outset. That element of suprise wont exist. And likely, that level of funding wont either. Something tells me it will be a dissapointment, but heres hoping.
I live in Greenock, about 30miles west of Glasgow. I’m pretty close to Clydeport, where the QE2 was built. We have more and more ships in here each year, the Grand Princess being a regular. It was in today, and stayed late so guests could visit the Edinburgh Military Tattoo. Like most ports, the ships usually leave around 6/7pm, when its still light. As the Grand stayed late today, i just watched it sail away at 1am. What a spectacle. We had a pipe band, constant camera flashes, and around 100 folk standing in the rain at 1am watching the ship pull away. I’m sure it woke up the surrounding streets! I took a few pictures for ya, but with it being dark and all it didnt really come out. Never thought id experience one of those ‘cruise moments’, standing on a dock!
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Well… what can I say. John, you’re a saint… or at least have the heart and patience of one.
Regarding our friends from the Far East, a great many posters on Cruise Critic supported your opinion when I last posted a thread about St. Petersburg etc. It seems many people have encountered the same poor manners in a number of situations.
Thank you. I got many HUGE laughs from the blog this evening. Here’s hoping that the deceased Ginger gets better soon. Also, here’s hoping that Fred inflicts himself upon someone else for his next vacation.
All my best for a successful visit to Russia!! I can’t wait to hear about the continued adventures of F&G!!!
Ciao, my friend!!!
Host Mach
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:15 pm
John you are terrible!! Soo funny ! Thank you for making me laugh…..again.
Like Bonnie said the visuals. I was actually seeing her everytime you said she was dead. LOL died and nobody noticed OMG!
So this strange man is one of the few who had the pleasure of having you for them alone for more than an hour (not complaining no no not me) LUCKY!
A industrial stapler ?? Check her tongue… ayyy HA!
I’m not going to be on any of those cruises but on a port of call just one day (or 2). So if you have 5 minutes. I’m happy with a hug. Hola Heidi!!!
Nanni
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:19 pm
John, ( Please Reply)
You keep writing these blogs! I love reading about these “fred and Gingers”, Mrs S Nobs, ect…I have met these people in everyday life, so I know you are not making it up!
My question that I am seeking an answer for is this: Hubster and I will be on the beautiful Carnival Splendor in Fort Lauderdale, Florida on December 6th of this year. We have a favorite server, Martina Filpova. She is in the Black Pearl I believe, I want to know if there is anyway Hubster and I could be seated in her area of the dining room. I know this is a big request, but Martina is the one who got us hooked on Carnival. She is abosolutely wonderful. She was on our Spirit cruise to Alaska. Thanks to her, and the many other wonderful Carnival employees, I have gone on 4 cruises ( all Carnival) and hubster has gone on 3. We have 11/30 /08 on the Freedom booked with the Splendor following. We are booked for the Fascination in April of 09 and the Truimph, November of 09. We are also booked on the Dream for April of 2010. So as you can see, we really love cruises on Carnival and would love to see the lady that made us fall in love With cruises.
Thanks, Julie
If you need our names
we are Randall and Julie Mendenhall.
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:20 pm
John:
England in 2012 will show the world how to be honest and charming. Where can I make my reservation for the Carnival Blog Cruise?
Can’t wait to read about Fred and Ginger in St. Pete.
Marie
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:21 pm
As always you are the best. I check the blog all day waiting for your post. Then I remembered that you were in Russia today. Sorry you are having trouble. Some times you have to hate computers.
Ours at work went down the other day and no one knew what to do until the IT people had them fixed. Some of us can remember what it was like before these things were developed, a little slower but at least we could still continue to work.
I will be looking for your blog tomorrow.
By the way the pictures were GREAT!
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Dear John, Urgent…a reply would be awesome
Hey John,
I’ve been in northern Canada…without e-mail…for the last 2 weeks and I just got to check it for the first time. I had this from you:
Hi Kyle,
Please know that I am in contact with Chris.
No promises, we will see what we can do.
Thanks to you.
j
Thanks a ton for your quick replies. I do feel that I owe you an apology, though. After looking back I can see how impatient/annoying I could have seemed… I just got caught up in the excitment in applying to be a social host. Please know that I don’t EXPECT anything, or a promise…you’ve gone above and beyond just answering e-mails! If a position opens up, please tell Chris to keep a lookout for my name, and that would be going WAY above and beyond!
Anyway, I just felt that you deserved an apology=)
Good luck keeping track of Ginger and Fred…heck…Ginger will fit right in with Yokov and Boris the Russian guards.
Take Care,
Kyle Darin
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:32 pm
I thought your joke about Georgia and Alabama was hilarious!
The 2012 Bloggers/Olympics cruise sounds like a great idea.
Big Ed — you guys will have to borrow some of my Zanax and we can all fly over together!
If Fred and Ginger want to speak with you again, take a whoopie cushion with you. After about five minutes, make noises with it — look surprised and embarrassed and say “Oh, my, excuse me, I think I need to go.”
Ann
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Good evening John. You just amaze me at your methods dealing with those who have no respect for human beings. You must be a real saint but at the same time you must realize that you have to have a coffee or a lunch to make sure that you keep up your health. NO visitor is worth your health. You should have told Fred that before he begins his talk you are going to get a coffee and something to eat. And that’s it. As far as the Asian visitors, there has to be a way to let them know that they just can’t force their way onto others and realize that even they must show some respect for the others on the cruise. If not you could have eventually a more difficult situation where as another person may just force their way onto them to make them realize what they are doing is wrong. If you know what I mean. That poor little girl was hoping just to have a little lunch. I must commend her father for holding back. I don’t know if I could have. Have a great night and morning my friend. Ciao.
Paul F. Pietrangelo
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:52 pm
I generally do not make generalizations about people but we sailed on the Freedom in May and I told my husband that I hope I never see a Japanese tourist again. We were pushed, shoved and passed in line over and over but the final straw for me was when I saw my husband almost fall on the steps going down from the Acropolis in Athens. He walks with a cane and was tripped by a lady hurrying to get ahead of him. Surely they don’t act like this at home and surely they are not all rude and pushy. I am from the south where people are generally considerate of each other and this was very disturbing for me.
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:01 pm
OMG this blog was so funny I was laughing out loud! I had never thought of my computer accusing me of performing an illegal function before as being that funny because usually when that happens, I am punching things and yelling worse words than bugger. You have made me think of this with a smile now–bravo!
Beautiful photos, great interview ( I’ve now got the picture that you are the official trainor of CD trainees). He certainly went into detail about all you have to do and I must say I find it hard to believe after all those duties and meeting for an hour each day (without coffee) with Fred and the possibly deceased Ginger, that have have any time at all.
The description of you explaining about Russia invading Georgia and Alabama with an explosion at the Taco Bell made me laugh so hard I almost wet my pants. Its hard for me to imagine him not even cracking a smile.
You may not have made Fred and Ginger smile but you sure did for me–thanks John. Can’t wait to hear of their travels in Russia even with a hired driver.
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:18 pm
John, loved your blog, which the satellite seems to have gotten out just in time to deliver your usual entertaining message.
Sorry about Fred and the nearly dead Ginger. It seems he likes to talk so much, he has trained her to only listen.
About the Asian guests…… I work with a lot of people from that part of the world. One behavior that I have personally noticed is that they are thrifty to the max. This shows it’s self when there is free food around. Even the most thin ones will fill their plates at least 3 times, eat it all, then take a plate full back to their desk! The restaurants on the ship may run out of food, be careful.
Hugs to Heidi, and many thanks to Stephanie.
Diane from Texas
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:51 pm
John,
Ginger is probably playing dead because she has listened to her boring husband for way too many years! She has probably learned to keep her mouth shut or he will go on and on even longer! Thank you for the image of her “dead”. You can only hope that Fred and Ginger decide that from now on they should cruise on “Something of the Seas”! Thanks for the laughs!!
Sheryl
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Hi John, Are you serious 2012 Bloggers cruise in London during the Olympics? I am so there. What a fabulous idea. I actually think you could pull it off. Please do it.
I was just about ready to go to bed and I came in to turn off my computer and found your blog. You have out done yourself. Now I am wide awake and can’t stop laughing.
I am in packing mode. We are taking a morning flight to London Friday. We will see you and Heidi Saturday. I am bringing a few surprises for you. See I can be evil too. Can’t wait to see you.
Jo and Dave
August 24th, 2008 at 12:03 am
John, I was just wondering if I needed to order flowers for the funeral for Ginger, will there be a burial at sea?
Countess Carolyn
Hi Stephanie, hope you are feeling better
August 24th, 2008 at 12:06 am
hi john, as a person of asian descent but not the same race as the one`s you are having problems with, i will say i am ashamed of their behaviour and had also encountered the same rude treatment and i really believed that whoever is the CD on a particular cruise should confront the problems head on by getting their leader aside and telling them the rules of etiquette. you are not in America so the cruise line could not be sued for discrimination.otherwise they need to be threatened to be put in cold strorage for the rest of the voyage so the rest of the cruisers will be able to enjoy their trip.ha! ha!
August 24th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Hi John,
I’m so glad that they are so many Canadians aboard this cruise and wish I was one of them.
But to answer your question about Asians in Canada……yes, you have described them exactly the right way. On their own, they are quiet little people who are quite shy, but get a bunch of them together……and LOOK-OUT. They cut in front of you in the lineup of wherever you are. I have said something to them on more than one occasion and have been met with a blank stare. They simply don’t understand that they are being very RUDE.
Canadians on the other hand are the most polite people in the world, I’ve been told. We apologize all the time but especially when we bump into other people. We even apologize when we bump into something like a wall or post. LOL When I go to Buffalo, New York for my shopping expeditions, you can tell the other Canadians because they are the ones apologizing to each other for bumping into one another. Americans laugh at us because they know we are Canadian because if they bump into you, they don’t say anything.
I’ve been meaning to mention the letters being unreadable…..I’m glad you noticed it because it’s a shame that we couldn’t read them.
Cindy
August 24th, 2008 at 1:18 am
I am from Canada and live near Vancouver and Richmond… many many many Asians here… and yes… they are the same way on land as on the ship… sigh… it’s their culture I guess… just imagine that mentality and put them in cars… sigh… I don’t drive in Richmond much because of it… crazy crazy crazy drivers.
Love the blog today… might have to go change my underwear though… I think i peed myself… thanks for the much needed laugh.
August 24th, 2008 at 1:27 am
John, I love reading your blog. I wanted to be a CD or a Training Manager onboard, and have decided that it is not for me after reading some of your horror stories – just kidding
Nice to read about Jeff “Dr. Evil” Bronnnsssonnn. We had him on the Pride, and he was HOOT (with a capital “H”; that’s what he was!)
And yes, “they” do it in Canada, too
Keep it up! Hope to one day meet you onboard!
Doug
August 24th, 2008 at 1:41 am
John,
What can I say that you have not said already Fred and Ginger are hysterical. Or at least your telling of the experiences with them is. I hope poor Ginger comes back to life at some point.You know I was thinking they might be Mormons or even LDS ( Latter day Saints) Her dress doesn’t look like prairie garb does it ? Not that there is anything wrong with this at all but it might be a good explanation her quietness. I think next time you need to bring Heidi with you and have her help defuse him from seeing you as his personal travel sectary. I wonder if he would take a meeting with the captain to discuss his course for the splendor and how he is going to dock at the pier and what thrusters he will use and when he will use the tug if needed. God the possibilities are endless. Glad to hear Stephanie got the Hotel and Dinner package setup finally I can’t wait to hear about it. Maybe Fred and Ginger will attend with Mrs. Snob, I can see a table forming all we need is Fatimia and her hose pipe and god that will be fun to watch. Best to Heidi.
Kevin
PS Maybe at your next meeting you can get Fred and Ginger to take a photo with you for the blog. Or maybe not
August 24th, 2008 at 1:44 am
I have laughed out loud many a time when reading your blog but today you slayed me! I think the indusrial stapler in the carpet bag may have been used to keep Ginger upright (check the upholstery)
August 24th, 2008 at 3:26 am
John,
We wonder if Fred and Ginger would recogonize themselves if they read your blog. Well Fred anyways because Ginger has all ready departed this world but does not know it yet.
Good luck on your next cruise hope you don’t get anyone to write about.
August 24th, 2008 at 4:32 am
Dear john We are gathered here to remember our dearly departed Ginger.Who has left Fred to claim her life back. Ummm excuse me slipped into a nightmare.I don’t know how you deal with these guest with out breaking out in laughter or worse yet crying in misery.Never a dull moment I would think.Mr.Brrronson seems like a nice chap who will go far in his endeavors.Please place me on the list for 2012 British Olympics Blogger’s cruise.Best Wishes to Heidi and Stephanie Oh yes our condolences to Fred.
August 24th, 2008 at 5:31 am
I guess we ought to start a sweepstake to guess John’s nemesis for the next cruise……
1- Religious nut offended about the shows
2- Posh nut offended by the guests
3- Old nut offended by John wanting coffee
4- Bonkers nut saying that last time on some other line they had a private pool and jacuzzi in their inside cabin and they want the same facilities
5- Diet nut demanding gluten-free diabetic meat-free steaks at every meal
6- A bag of mixed nuts – all of the above.
(I’ll go for “6″………)
August 24th, 2008 at 6:39 am
As usual, a very hilarious blog, John. Enjoyed it immensely! Fred and Ginger are amazing….and you have the patience of a saint! Love all the interviews of CDs and how they got started. BRRRRonson sounds like lots of fun too! Our best to you and Heidi, GLoria
August 24th, 2008 at 7:04 am
Hi John,
I stayed a weak in Swiss (Price like a 7-day caribbean cruise). The hotel providing an internet cafe me wanting to read the blog. I loaded Carnival homepage. They do provide a search. I did search for “BLOG” and no problem finding yours.
66 days to go
Splendor!!!
yours
Ralf
August 24th, 2008 at 7:51 am
John,
Poor Ginger is married to a controlling ego-maniac!!! She probably plays dead just so he will leave her alone.
You blog was great and I laughed so hard the coffe was coming through my nose!!
Ciao, Kathleen
August 24th, 2008 at 8:01 am
I enjoy your blog tremendously!!! We will be on the Spendor 1/31/09 — back to back to back until 3/21/09, around South America.
No one can answer this question for me….and I know you can…… will we have the same entertainment 3 times…or will it be different for each leg? Also, do we get billed once…or 3 times?
I have asked and asked, but no one knows. Hopefully you will respond. Thank you
August 24th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Just found your blog and found it fascinating. Am preparing for the next sailing of the Splendor on Saturday and have been mulling over clothing to bring!!! Am from the HOT desert southwest in AZ and will probably freeze on the whole journey, but am anxiously awaiting my “cruise of a lifetime”. I am more excited now than before and can’t wait to be on a John Heald cruise. Already booked on the Dream for the repositioning cruise and had never considered the implications of Halloween, sounds marvelous!! Thank you again, will look at the earlier blogs to find out more about the cruise. Wish I had seen them sooner.
August 24th, 2008 at 8:24 am
John, as you may or may not remember, I have been a blogger from the very beginning. After my cruise on the Carnival Freedom (when it first set sail), I posted a message to you about how rude the Asian guests were, how we got pushed around, shoved, stepped on, and plowed through for two straight weeks. I also wrote that I understood if my letter wasn’t posted to the blog, because it was controversial and not politically correct. Well, it wasn’t posted, and that was fine, I didn’t expect it to be. So it’s great to see you finally posting something on this subject, as I love cruising and Carnival, but the Asians really made it difficult to enjoy. I wish there was some way to find out the number of people from each country ahead of time, to avoid something like that again in the future. Thanks for mentioning this issue. You’re the BEST!
Jeff
August 24th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I’m with caravan! Time to start a pool! I’m in for 2 DoDs on the ‘09 BC that it will be #1.
As to the mass of rude guests, I don’t think it’s culture as much as mob mentality. You get anyone around their mates and everyone will act a bit braver. Case in point, your ‘KFC’ blog from March 15th:
http://johnhealdsblog.com/2008/03/15/kfckentucky-fried-chaos/
I bet individually any one of those kids would’ve be the nicest, most polite person you’d think you’ve met. But in a mob, with others of the same mindset, they thought they could take on the world… or the world owed them everything. Same as your guests of the Asian persuasion. Remember all the posts you put up about Russian guests (gents in the doesn’t-hide-your-religion speedos, wives in the stressing-the-limits-of-barely-covered bikinis)? Same thing. People act different when bolstered by compatriots.
So, when does Fred & Ginger leave? The last Northern Europe cruise is coming up, then you do the transfer Western Europe to Civitavecchia (repeat after me: cheh-vih-TA-vek-ee-ah
). Can’t wait to read the antics aboard that one!
Have you checked out Guitar Hero: Rocking the 80s, yet? Do they have it in Club O2, or just GH and GH2? Seriously, it’s addictive and has OUR music on it! Just picked up Rock Band for the Playstation 3 and have downloaded some Iron Maiden and Metallica. ROCK!
Keep us posted on your diet (you ARE still on it, yes?) and how you’re doing. All the best to you and Heidi! Stephanie, hope you feel better and MIA HQ dries out.
August 24th, 2008 at 10:47 am
John, are you serious about a Blogger’s Cruise during the 2012 Games? Sign me up!!!
August 24th, 2008 at 10:51 am
John, I have dealt with Asian personalities, both travelling and here at home at our local university. It is pretty much the same story. They are a very aggressive culture and I think it comes with severe discipline and a very, very high concentration of people in their home country. Out of their environment they continue to be incredibly pushy and difficult to deal with.
August 24th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Ah, Fred and and the dead Ginger found there way back to the ship. Ginger has to be dead not to want to kill that man. I am surprised that man has remained alive all these years. There has to be someone out there that had thoughts of killing him but decided spending the rest of their lives in prison was just not worth it. You have to have the patience of a saint John, to sit there listening to that man. Whatever they are paying you, is not enough.
The pictures of the castle in Dover are just amazing. I can not wait to see the White Cliffs of Dover. We have not decided if we were going to go to the castle. When we board the ship on September 11 after two days in London, it might be enough for us. So looking forward to seeing your city John.
Keep smiling John, know that there are more of us than are of “them”.
August 24th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Hi John,
Love the blog! The Fred & Ginger stories are classics to be sure…
As for your “other” guests… yeah – it can get like that. My wife and I stayed at a nice Chalet in Vermont when we got engaged. The first night the hotel owner gave us a heads up that there would be a group arriving late that night (2-3am) and she’d ask them to be quiet but apologized in advance for the extra noise. It turns out the group was of similar origin to your favorite guests.
3:30am and OMG we thought the building was going to fall in on us when the herd arrived… Over the long weekend we eventually learned their schedule and did everything possible to get out of sync with them. (They insisted on wearing ski boots in the lodge even though we were miles from any hill!). The owner was great, ruled them with an iron fist and ensured that she did everything she could to keep them out of our way and the way of the other couple who were so unfortunate to be there at the same time.
Seeing as we’d just gotten engaged she wanted to show us the honeymoon suite. She apologized that the maid hadn’t been in yet but I don’t think she was even ready for the chaos and destruction that had taken place. Furniture for all over the hotel had been moved in there, other stuff was missing. She went white as a sheet when she saw it…
On the last day she told us she’d called the tour group and let them know their business was no longer welcome in the future. Nightmare.
August 24th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Hi John,
I read and enjoy your blog everyday. I will be aboard the Freedom from 12/28/08 through 01/02/09. We will be in Ocho Rios on Jan 1, 2009. I noticed that the Carnival site is not offering excursions on New Years day. Can you please verify for me that this will be the case ? My son has his heart set on ridding horseback through the beach and shoreline.
Thanks,
Joe
August 24th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
John -
I am curious – did Ben serve in both the Navy & the Army in WWII? If not, then how did a US Navy destroyer become involve in the Battle of the Bulge, which took place in Ardennes Forest. Perhaps you meant the D-Day invasion.
Jon
August 24th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Sign us up for the 2012 Bloggers Olympic cruise. Sounds like a blast!
The Kilmartins
August 24th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Industrial Stapler???
OK… is this for protection???
John, thank you!!!
Lambie
August 25th, 2008 at 7:44 am
John,
I will be sailing on your next cruise,has the original port schedule changed,looking forward to our trip and you making us laugh
Best Regards,
John & Kathy Hood
August 25th, 2008 at 7:47 am
John,
We will be travelling on the next cruise,has the original port schedule changed.
Looking forward to our cruise and you making us laugh
Best Regards,
John & Kathy Hood
August 25th, 2008 at 10:15 am
John, as always you have hit the funny bone in this blog. Also important to say that any group’s mentality can be different from individuals’ behavior. There are stereotypes about LOTS of groups.
Think “ugh, teenagers on spring break” on the ships. Wouldn’t a single teenager hanging out be offended by our stereotype? Think about how people feel about group cruisers (family reunions, etc.) holding blocks of seats in the shows, with 10 Capers placed all down the row. Parents with babies in the adult hot tubs. Brazilian tourists have a rep in Orlando for cutting in line at the theme parks and not feeling it’s wrong.
And let’s not forget, ahem, that Americans have been insensitive enough in other countries to earn a label of “the ugly American.” It embarrasses me to be pre-judged as that when I travel. Pre-judging is the root of “prejudice.”
Let’s talk about all people with bad manners! And then let’s solve it. Can Carnival station a crew member near the middle of the buffet line to guide people, politely, “Oh, sir, the back of the line is right here”? Your general announcements may help, but sometimes I feel the people they are directed at never realize you’re talking about them!
August 25th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Hi John/Heidi:
Its very exciting seeing the transition to London for the Olympic games. The city did a wonderful job with their presentation last night at the Closing Ceremonies and i’m already looking forward to it.
Bronson had a great interview and its hard to believe he’s been there for 11 years.
What is the ship in Dover with you? That’s a really cool set of pictures.
Thanks for posting!
David
August 25th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Oh my goodness – I’m sitting at my desk at work and laughing my head off! This was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
Keep the stories coming …
Sue K – in Pittsburgh
August 26th, 2008 at 1:22 am
I truly hate to make generalizations, but the Asians we can deal with – DH is over 300 lbs, and I just steer him in a position to block the onslaught. On our last cruise (last week) we sailed smoothly along the buffet, into the tender line and into the theater…I don’t know – maybe they think he is a Sumo wrestler. The greatest annoyance was the Russians, who would start talking to the travel concierge/guest relations person/server/crew member/lecturer that I was involved with at that moment. Their situation was always more desperate than anyone else’s. I found that I’m very good at bending in closer to the person I’m talking too, and blocking an interloper.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Sign me up for the 2012 Bloggers/Olympic cruise!! Cruise Critic (Crazie) Bloggers are ready for NOLA & would love to go ahead & plan for 2012.
August 31st, 2008 at 10:10 am
Great blog, John! Please introduce the pushy asians to Fred! This little ditty was popular around WWII era-
“How courteous is the Japanese!
He always says,’So solly, please!’
He climbs into his neighbor’s garden,
Bows and says, ‘I beg your pardon.’
And with a self-effacing grin,
He calls his hungry family in.
Then with another humble bow-
‘So solly-this my garden now!”
I’d like to hear more about Ben. My 85 year old dad fought in the Battle of the Bulse with the 75th Army division. They were so young, they were nicknamed The Diaper Division. He has many moving as well as hilarious stories to tell, from the tears they shed when they liberated a death camp, to the risk he took to dash out into the snow during battle to milk a cow that wandered by. He wanted that milk so badly, but she had not been milked in so long, the milk was sour! Ugh!
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