I have to start today’s blog with an apology. I was told by someone from the blog who will remain nameless that I had been unusually cruel to David Beckham. Yesterday in my blog about the “London” section I made reference to the London Bus and it being the first time Mr. Beckham had ever been on board one. Well, this upset a blogger who sent me a comment saying she was a big Beckham fan and I should apologize………….so, to blogger Francis R………….I am sorry……………there will be no more David Beckham jokes.
Talking of the Olympics, we’re told that a recession is coming. Apparently, it’s got something to do with the Chinese, who have, in a complex way, affected America’s sub-prime. Inflation world wide will spiral out of control, millions will find themselves bankrupt and thousands of us will be eaten by rats………….pundits are calling it “The Credit Crunch”……which by the way David Beckham thinks is a breakfast cereal……………….oops.
There was of course no reason for me to mention that except to get in another cheap shot at David Beckham….sorry.
Good morning from our second day in St.Petersburg………….how are you? I hope you had a good weekend and the weather is a bit better than the grey, damp and cold day we have been blessed with.
Heidi said something today that made me think. She said, “It seems like this year the summer has passed us by.” Well, we did leave home in the spring which, this year in Europe, was still the winter and although it hasn’t exactly been Baltic in the ummmm Baltic it certainly hasn’t been the sunshine and 80 degree plus temperatures we enjoy there. I guess that’s why I still have this bloody cold. It has been with me for a month now and I still have a thick head and scratchy throat. …………..maybe it’s the flu said Heidi.
Flu, I’ve always thought, is an invention designed specifically as an excuse for not going to work. “I’m not coming to work today because I have a cold,” sounds a bit girley. Saying, “I can’t come to work because I have flu,” sounds more manly and butch.
That was ok ten years or so ago but nowadays things are a bit different. If you have flu, the American Navy will come round to your house, inject you with plasma and take samples of your liver to their biochemical warfare centre in Atlanta.
And when they’ve gone away, men in nuclear spillage boiler suits from the Pentagon will want to know if you’ve had any contact with Indonesian chickens or Vietnamese swans. And then, when they’ve gone away, you will die. Flu is nasty and claiming you have it when all you have is a cold makes you look ridiculous.
Mine, of course, is the worst recorded cold in the whole of human history and I am defying medical science by being here, at my computer, writing this blog. Technically I should be in a hospital isolation room, with armed guards in breathing apparatus outside my door while I am examined by Dustin Hoffman.
And as I sit here, with a headache and a tickly cough, I can’t help wondering why there is still no cure. And whether or not we might be on the brink of creating one . . .
For hundreds of years people thought the cold was caused by being cold. “You’ll catch your death out there,” my Mum used to say every time it dropped below 70 degrees……………it was said though in the same vain as when she used to say, “If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t you come running to me.”
It was in the 1920s that we understood the cold to be a viral infection, a nasty little bugger that invades your body, multiplies and then causes you to sneeze so that millions of its brothers can shoot up the noses and through the eyes of everyone within 5ft.
Since then, we’ve been to the moon, invented the Eye Pod, created the Queen Mary 2 and microwave popcorn. But still no one knows how to keep the cold virus at bay.
The American Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is an immensely well funded organization. It’s here that they work on ebola and proper flu and all the really nasty viruses that could wipe out the civilized world and France if they ever got on an airplane. And do you know what advice they have for those who don’t want to catch a cold? Wash your hands with alcohol.
I’m beginning to wonder if the sort of scientists who might have been engaged in defeating the cold are now being swallowed up by the exciting and glamorous green movement; that the very man who might have developed a cure for the cold is, as we speak, sitting on an iceberg off the coast of Alaska watching bloody polar bears.
It has not been in human kind’s nature to just give up on something, but we really do seem to have given up when it comes to the cold.
There is, however, some hope because research by men with beards has shown that most people only catch a cold in the winter. So what we need to do is get rid of winter, which, thanks to global warming, does seem to be happening.
If, therefore, we can push the winter so far back that by the time it comes along we’re already into summer, all should be well. To cure the common cold we simply need to get rid of its breeding season. This means producing as much carbon dioxide as possible. Yup. The cure for the common cold may well turn out to be my Range Rover.
As I have mentioned before, the most dangerous concern about working on a ship is fire and one way fire could happen if we are not careful ……….is through the use of pyrotechnics.
I don’t know if you remember an incident in a club in Rhode Island a few years ago where 98 people were killed at a rock concert. Well, the fire was caused by unsafe pyrotechnics and also the fact that an emergency exit was locked.
This showed how dangerous these can be, especially on a ship. This is why so many safety features have been put into place fleet wide and why so much training is given to the crew who handle them.
This includes, storage, disposal and other safe practices and every Entertainment Technician and myself have to pass an examination before we are allowed to handle them. This whole process has put Carnival in the forefront of safe pyro use and our thanks to the brilliant Erik Hatfield, our Manager of Entertainment Technology, for making our shows not only the best at sea but the safest at sea as well.
Still, we also need to be ready should a fire break out in the main theatre. These lounges on Conquest, Destiny and Splendor class ships can hold 1500 plus and we need to practice the safe and quick evacuation of the lounge should a fire or other emergency happen. And, that’s what we practiced for today. We had the crew play the role of the guests, we filled the room with smoke and evacuated the lounge as we would during a show scenario.
Here are a few photos:
It gives me great confidence to know that our staff are trained to handle a situation such as a pyrotechnic fire……..let’s hope though they never have to put that training into practice.
Here are some more pleasant photos of the Nevda White Nights River Cruise taken by the lovely Lauren:
Let’s have a look at a few letters for the In Their Own Words Section
And now it’s time to meet Miss Jennifer Baxter who is a vibrant young lass from Liverpool. She is what we call an acting Cruise Director. This is someone who is not yet a full time CD although the guests of course do not know this. That certainly applies to Jenn who I understand is just full of energy and life. I think hers is a name to watch! Here she is:
1. Can you tell us which ship you currently are on and when you are due to leave?
Conquest (leaving on September 21)2. Carnival Cruise Directors come from very diverse backgrounds. Some have entertainment experience, some, like me have none. Can you tell us about your background and how you ended up with the best job in the world?
I joined a Youth Theatre in Liverpool England when I was 12 and went on to study theatre in College and then went on to do touring theatre in the UK. I then worked in Spain as an Entertainer in hotels and resorts before joining Carnival in 2001
3. Before we talk about some of your favorite parts of the job, lets talk about the areas behind the scenes……….the things guests never see. Tell us about what a Cruise Director does when he or she is not on the stage but keeps you just as busy.
Finding out all the ships gossip (maybe that’s just me!) As I am in charge of the entire Entertainment Department I have over 60 staff members to keep an eye on…..I work very closely with the Dance Captain, Musical Director, Assistant Cruise Director and Senior Entertainment Technicians to make sure all of the shows and live entertainment run smoothly. I also have to schedule all of the events and activities that go on around the ship. I am also the “caper person” which means I write and update all of the capers for the cruise, so I am in contact with ALL of the other departments to make sure that the capers are all present and correct.
4. A Cruise Director is happiest when performing or being with guests. Can you tell us two activities or events that you would call your signature items…………events that make you stand out from the crowd,
OOOOOOh, I’m going to have the say the ‘Fun Hop’ where we take all the guests on a fun interactive tour of the ship before heading up to the deck party. It’s a great chance to op out some of the old cheesy dances from my youth, I have a great song called the ‘music man’ which the guests love…..I feel like I’ve done a work out with Richard Simmons afterwards! My other favorite event is the R rated marriage show, which is fun as it gets kinds spicy!!!
5. What has been your most challenging moment as Cruise Director so far?
When I was taking over on the Legend last year (2007) the day I got on board, we have to change itinerary due to a hurricane. We had to go to four completely different ports that I had never been to. The following 2 weeks we also had to change our run and we went to different ports each week. Stressful but really fun at the same time
6. And, your most rewarding.
Honestly, there is not just one specific thing I can pinpoint. I just think being around fun people and really having a good time. I have met some really good friends who I would never have met had I not been working on a ship.
7. On your current ship can you tell us about your itinerary and can you recommend one must do excursion from each port of call.
Our itinerary at the moment is: Galveston (homeport…which is lovely) Montego Bay Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Cozumel.
Montego Bay ~ The Canopy tour….even though I am not a “thrill seeker”, this tour is superb, you’re swinging tree to tree like Tarzan. The final zip is 1000 long!!!
Grand Cayman ~ Stingrays, without a doubt is the best thing to do in Grand Cayman
Cozumel ~ The Mayan Ruins of Tulum….need I say more! Amazing8. Why, in your opinion is Carnival…………..the world’s most popular cruise line.
In two words Fun and friendliness. Carnival has always been the best in the industry for these two factors. The energy I feel is felt on every ship from the very oldest and smallest to the newest and biggest.
9. Is there a ship in the fleet you would love to be Cruise Director of that you have yet to be so and what port of call would you like to visit that you have not so far in your career.
Definitely, I would love to be CD on the Carnival Spirit sailing out of Alaska. I really like the cold weather (I know, but I am English) to see the wildlife up there would be amazing, and I’m sure the seafood is out of this world.
10. Every CD has a story to tell from their time onboard. What’s your most recent funny, sad or inspirational story you can share with us.
Well that’s a very difficult one as there are lots of things that stick in my mind. One of my most memorable times was when we had the original munchkins from the Wizard of Oz sail on the Ecstasy……they look exactly the same, just older!!! A lot older!
11. Finally………….pick a Cruise Director table ……………..you are hosting a table at dinner onboard the carnival Dream………what’s for dinner………..and who do you invite.
APPETIZER Chinese Dumplings with sweet chili sauce
MAIN COURSE Chinese Dumplings with sweet chili sauce
DESERT Chinese Dumplings with sweet chili sauce
SOMEONE FROM THE CRUISE INDUSTRY
I’d definitely take Chris Roberts (cruise Director on the Spirit), Dave Fulton (Musical Director on the Legend), Darcy Kniefel (cruise Director on the Destiny) and Brett Alans (retired Cruise Director) (can I have 4?) Thanks?SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD
Chicken Little, one of my social hosts here on the Conquest (yes, he looks like the cartoon character) he’s hilarious ALL the time.YOUR FAVORITE ACTRESS Dame Judi Dench (she is amazing)
YOUR FAVORITE ACTOR Larry David from Curb your Enthusiasm
YOUR FAVORITE MUSICIAN My brother, he’s a drummer
AND SOMEONE FROM HISTORY YOU WISHED YOU HAD MET.
Henry X111 would have been interesting to meet?
I was sworn at by a lady today…….a lady. Razvan, the Shore Excursion Manager, Lui, the Chief Purser, and I met with two ladies this evening who insisted on talking with me and the Shore Excursion Manager, and Lui came along for support. The ladies were very unhappy because they got separated from their group during the Hermitage Tour yesterday. The guide waited for them for 45 minutes after the meeting time but in the end had to leave without them. The ladies came back on another Carnival bus. Now, this made them very angry, which I understand…….even though they admit that the museum was very busy.
They also expected the guide to come back into the Hermitage and look for them…………obviously with 5,000 people touring 7 floors of artifacts that was never going to happen. Now, I should explain that we all intended to wrap them in a big blanket of pity and apologize etc etc. It’s hard to do that though when the first words from her mouth were “I don’t want to talk, I want a fu$%^&* refund and I want it now.”………we all fainted.
This was a lady in her thirties, well dressed and presentable and…………I am embarrassed to tell you……….from England.
Now, before I continue with this story I want to chat with you about something.
Why was I so shocked to hear this lady swear?
Time moves on, habits change and as a result what would once have shocked the world to its core is now considered normal. And yet, while you’re happy to watch a movie with someone in a ski mask slashing teenagers with a axe, you would be astonished and amazed if Condalisa Rice were to make a speech this afternoon in which she described Bill Clinton as a stupid “f*** ”.
Why? People use the f-word all the time, even young kids. Buzz Aldrin used it on the moon and thanks to reality TV we know members of the Royal Family use it. However, we can’t know for sure who uses it because in the mainstream press you can’t print it……………….and I can’t on the blog either.
Anyway, we asked the lady to calm down and refrain from swearing. Obviously, we refunded the part of the tour she missed but she also wanted a full refund for the Hermitage even though she admitted that they had seen the whole museum as promised. We explained that we could not do this and she erupted again with more profanity………and that was that…………meeting over. I explained that we would not accept personal abuse and that we should all calm down and meet again tomorrow………………..something to look forward to.
My father has always told me that those who swear are simply demonstrating they have a limited vocabulary…….I know I swear top much…..especially when I stub my toe or see Gordon Brown the British Prime Minister. So, why was it then that I was so shocked to hear a lady of 30-something swear so profusely today?
Guest: Mrs ————Ref: 002803374A
Cabin: XXXX Booking#: XXXXXX Added-Changed: 08/24/08 – 08/24/08UPSET AT STRAY DOGS ON PIER
Mrs CAME TO THE DESK WANTING TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE IN CHARGE. SHE WAS CRYING SO PURSER TOOK HER INTO THE LOBBY. GUEST SAID THAT SHE HAD SEEN A RUSSIAN MAN KICK A DOG TODAY OUTSIDE PETER AND PAUL FORTRESS . SHE HAD TRIED TO GET THE TOUR GUIDE TO CALL THE POLICE BUT HE REFUSED. GUEST SAID THAT IT HAD RUINED HER DAY AND THAT THE DOG WAS CRYING AND LIMPING.
GUEST SAID THAT SHE WANTED THE CRUISE DIRECTOR TO HAVE MENTIONED THAT THE PASSENGERS MAY SEE THINGS LIKE THIS AND SHE WANTED TO REPORT THE GUIDE ION BLUE 7 FOR NOT BEING HELPFUL AND FOR CRUELTY TO ANIMALS. PURSER APOLOGIZED AND SAID HER COMMENTS WOULD BE PASSED TO THE SHORE EXCURSION MANAGER AND THE CRUISE DIRECTOR.
APOLOGY LETTER SENT.
I called the guest and apologized. Goodness me she was really upset. I listened and she is now OK. I feel so bad for her having to have seen this. ………..I explained that cruelty to animals is unfortunately something that happens everyday in every country of the world and we spoke about the root cause of her sadness………she lost her dog a few weeks ago and misses him terribly. I bought her a little stuffed dog thingy from the gift shop and sent it to her cabin.
And finally today, I have an update on Fred and Ginger. I called their cabin this evening before dinner to make sure their second day in St.Petersburg was OK…………..20 minutes later after listening to a report on the fountains at Peterhof and that seven out of the 150 were not working…………yes he counted them…………he asked me to sit with him one more time to discuss Amsterdam and London. Now, before I end today here is one of those I promise and swear etc moments…………you can’t make this up.
I was talking with him about his retirement and I asked what he did before …………well, his version was 5 minutes long as he explained his job in detail………..but I have no idea what he said………….I was too busy laughing out loud holding my sides and at one point I had to pass the phone to Heidi and go into the bedroom………………..because he was……………….in the little town of Cokeburg PA…………………the town’s…………….Funeral Director.
Fred had caused me to lose hours of work time, given me great laughs and now …………he had cost me a good pair of underwear.
Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and Fred
Filed under: Destinations, Tales from the Ship | Tagged: Carnival Splendor, Cruise Director Interview, Jennifer Baxter
Funeral director. Classic!
And John, please please please stop apologizing to these uptight, politically correct, humorless dimwits. I know I say it all the time, but please don’t stop stating your outstanding opinions about the deserving people and the things they do. Please just keep being yourself. That’s why I enjoy reading this blog so much! Take care, and thanks for the laughs as always!
Jeff
John:
Talking about weather…as we speak….Tropical Storm (now Thunder Storm Fay) is dropping a bunch of water on us in Memphis, Tn!!
And I am finding it rather interesting that we have Tropical Storm Gustav in the Caribbean and we are sailing with Gustav a week from today on the Ecstasy.
I think it is fate!!!
As foul language goes, I don’t care “what” people say; but “the intent” with which they say it. I met lots of folks from Maine one summer that let the “f” word flow like water, but they didn’t mean anything by it. It was common word usage for them.
Your foul mouth woman (I hate to correct you, but she is NO “lady”) is only demonstrating her ignorance with such language, because she is using it in a demeaning manner. Her ignorance in language is apparently only exceeded by her inability to follow simple directions to get back to the bus on time.
Once again, I have been laughing out loud at how stupid some people are.
Thanks for the entertainment.
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
John, now you know how Fred kept Ginger looking so fresh seeing as how she has been dead for years.
If I throw a screaming fit during the bloggers cruise saying I was disapointed in ______ (fill in the blank) will I get some more free stuff sent to my room. Maybe some OBC?
OMG ! Funeral director? So I guess he doesn’t miss his job because he goes around with a corpse all the time. I can’t believe it! You still have the cold? I’m glad you are going to your doctor them. It reminded me of a time that a cold didn’t go away. The doctor talk to me in a hard tone and told me that it wouldn’t go away until I stop and rest!! I know, I know, no use, can’t do.
God bless you then! Nice thing for you to send the stuffed dog. Sweet… but not your fault or Carnival John Almighty. It seems my chances of seeing you in a near future are few 
but miracles happen so why not dream about the Liberty July 8 cruise?
A big hug for you and Heidi
Make that two pair. No wonder the wife sits there as she does.
Dave
I’m busy preparing my list of outrageous complaints for the BLOG2Nola cruise in advance. But now I think I’m going to have to change to a larger cabin to make sure I have room for all the gifts you’re going to send me.
And, after spending the money for the upgrade, if you don’t deluge me with gifts I’m going to be really f *&%^%% upset.
At the moment the most major complaint I’ve come up with is that there’s no toaster in my cabin, because Mrs. Kuki always tells me if I don’t obey her every command I’ll be toast…. so on the cruise I know I’ll need the toaster. Trust you’ll take care of that.
Oh .. and instead of a furry dog from the gift shop, I prefer you send in a couple of the dancers. But then, at my age, if you did that, I’d need the services of Fred.
Regards,
Kuki
CruiseMates.com
John:
Btw, DJ said to tell you his is extremely upset because he saw a guy kick the wheel of an Aston Martin…would you please send him one to make him feel better? (the car…not just the wheel!) LOL
Thanks!!
Linda
John,
So now we know what Fred does…maybe that’s not powered milk in the jar…maybe it’s someone’s ashes….that was the first thought that came to mind when you first mentioned it. It also explains how Ginger looks so well preserved for a dead person.
Fire is what scares me the most! It’s good to know you do fire drills like this! I lost a 7 year old niece and a 3 year old nephew in a house fire.
Thank lauren for the great pictures!
Princess Susan
Hi Hedi and Stephanie
So what you’re saying John is when he told you he was a funeral director you corpsed ?
I’ll get my coat.
WONDERFUL!!!
Thank you for keeping up up with Fred and Ginger!!! How special you are to them!
I’ll be on the CONQUEST on the 21st… Better warn Ralph “Wee Jimmy” that his first week back, we’re primed and ready!!! Is he ready for us??? Do we need to take it ieasy on him… You may want to interview him after we get done… He may need a break!!!
Great to hear how Jennifer Baxter, his stand in, did!!! She seems wonderful and has given much fun!!! She does love her Chinese Dumplings with Sweet Chili sauce!!!!
John, take care of yourself… the cold… That LINGERING cold can be a problem… It’s macho to have a cold… just wish you didn’t!!! I think flu sounds kind of sissy… Oh, it’s the flu… I can hear George Carlin on the flu!!! BUT a COLD… a dark damp, cold place in your body… haboring a terrible disease… and how can you have a cold and a fever??? That takes skill!!
Our days keep clicking off until the Blogger’s Cruise… Can hadly wait!!!
Lambie
Wonderful blog John…..a funeral director…totally hilarious. I’m sorry that some people feel a need to take offense over “slights” to their idols, but please don’t apologize to them. They need to get over it and not take everything so seriously! I’m sure Beckham didn’t mind your comments. I LOVE all your stories about the inept, silly, annoying and otherwise guests aboard your cruise ship. Keep on writing your stories and don’t apologize to your readers. You ROCK! Gloria
Thanks again for the laugh… Fred… a funeral director… makes sense now.
That is hilarious, a Funeral Director. My sides hurt and my girlfriend wants to know what is so funny. I wonder if it was against the rules where he was the Funeral Director to take your work home with you, let alone on to the the Carnival Splendor??? Poor old Ginger.
Dear John,
Ladies don’t use foul language and I don’t see why she needed a refund for her own stupidity of not keeping with her group.
Your wise father was right to say swearing shows a limited vocabulary. I was a vocal tutor of university drama students and when I told them that the F word offended me they all tried desperately not to use it in my presence and said that they extended their adjective vocabulary by thinking of other words to use instead. Our winter here in New Zealand has been extremely wet and colder than usual – we even had a frost that damaged our subtropical plants for the first time since 1997 so hope that our summer is not going to be like your Baltic summer! I love your blogs, John.
Cheers,
Joan
Oh my, Fred was a funeral director. That explains so much…
As for Ginger, I was relaying the stories of Fred and Ginger to my mum when it hit me!
John, do you remember Dame Edna from back in the day on TV in the UK? She had a sidekick called Madge and she sat there stone-faced through each show. That’s Ginger!
John -
I have the answer to your future career. You can become a fly-on entertainer. All you have to do is tell these stories – since no one can make these stories up, the crowds should go bonkers (or is it buggers).
Keep on putting one foot in front of the other and avoid the dreaded Ginger Disease.
Best to the two of you,
Jon, the Troublemaker
Funeral director. I agree with Uncle Doug about Ginger lookinged so good.
It’s a good thing you called instead of meeting him in the lobby!! You would have never made it face to face.
Hope your cold gets better real roon.
CarolAnn
John:
365 days until we board the Liberty in Dover for our Baltic cruise. Bob and I can’t wait to see you again. We hope Heidi will be on that cruise too.
I hope you will soon be feeling better. I guess you do not look too bad or Fred would have embalmbed you as he did his wife. Get some rest if at all possible. Carnival and your guests need you.
Marie
Whoa, WAY too many topics I want to comment on in one lil’ ol’ blog!
-Lionizing sports figures – Just because someone’s good at kicking a ball (or throwing, hitting, or dribbling one) does NOT automatically make that person a great human being. And making a little joke pointing out that Becks isn’t exactly down to his last two shillings is hardly a great insult. Francis R needs to grow a bit thicker skin. (And maybe develop a couple more interests in his life.)
-The letter writer who complained there is no entertainment for “Afro Americans”. Is Carnival preventing certain races from entering the theaters? (I’m being ironic here) Or, is there some special, secret kind kind of entertainment that reacts with mellanin in the skin to cause pleasure only to dark-skinned people?
-”we really do seem to have given up when it comes to the cold.” Oh John, you poor naive thing! With the billions we spend on treating our colds each year, do you really think the health care industry wants to find a cure? If colds were ever cured, half the drugstores (that’s “chemist’s shops” to you) would go out of business!
-UPSET AT STRAY DOGS ON PIER This lady is visiting the country where Stalin ordered the murder of 20 million of his own citizens and nobody said “boo” about it, and she’s surprized that they are cruel to a stray dog? I doubt that I’ll ever visit Russia because it has such a consistent history of cruelty and awfulness stretching over centuries, and it is revealing in Georgia that it has not changed much since the USSR days.
John,
Fred the funeral director! That one is priceless! HAHAHA! That one will be giving you some chuckles for quite a long time, I’m sure!
John, I was thinking the same as Nanni, the last time I will get to see you and Heidi will be on the bloggers cruise in Febuary. Since you will not be on the ships sailing over on our side of the big pond, the only way we shall cross paths is if you have a bloggers cruise out of the US. I hope that a bloggers cruise 2010 will be scheduled and the 2009 will not be the last one. I keep praying that Nanni will be able to find the finances to join us on the BC2. but of course there is her teaching job that also makes it impossible.
.
Nanni, we will all meet you at sometime or another on the port in San Juan……… my day is coming soon…… when we sail in on the Splendor, minus John
Uncle Doug, I think I shall throw a screaming fit just so I can get some one on one with John, but I want Heidi there also, so does that make it one on two, oops I forgot Don……… that makes it two on two…….. I won’t be the deceased wife though
John, will Ken be on the bloggers cruise again, we all hope?
Countess Carolyn……… 28 days until the Holiday and counting
John,
You are doing a great job!!!I love reading the blog and especially enjoy the satirical aspects of it and you tongue in cheek sense of humor. People need to get a life and to not take every comment on the blog personally. If what you say upsets them then they should read elsewhere. We should all just agree to disagree on some things and leave it at that. Also, a great many people from America and Great Britain do not realize that most countries do not have animal cruelty laws to the extent that we do. Unfortunately, this is just a terrible fact of life.
My last cruise to Mexico I had to leave Cozumel and get back onto the ship for just such a reason. However, to complain to the CD and expect him to address social problems you might encounter on a port of call is ridiculous. As I said you and Heidi keep up the great work.
I think someone once said that you can not please all the people all of the time but you can please some of the people some of the time. John, you have done that and then some. You can not hope to please everyone and since you can not, please do not change who you are, what you say and more important how you say it. I think people have to remember this is YOUR blog, YOU get to say what you want and YOU are in charge. We are not able to edit anything on this blog, so that means that we have no control and that is just how it should be. If someone wants to make a statement then they can make up their own blog, it is that simple.
I am sorry your cold is not better. I have come down with a sinus infection which is not going away. I just pray I will be well in two weeks time; when we leave for London. I love saying that, that is so English.
Keep smiling John, you are truly one of the good guys.
How fitting! Fred was a funeral director… hummm… I’m thinking that he may have produced his own clients by boring them to death!!
Do you know what the least attractive thing in the world is? It’s an otherwise attractive woman who uses words like that in public. Sad.
Please thank Lauren for the wonderful pictures. Beautiful, just beautiful!!!
Wouldn’t you like to be the person who invents the cure for the cold? You could be the richest man in the world!!! When that happens please remember us… the common folks who have been here to support you all along…
All the best to the lovely Heidi and the wonderful and very busy Stephanie!!!
Ciao!!
Host Mach
OMG a funeral director? Does he know that Ginger is nearly deceased? This is so funny and thinking of it, wasn’t there only 1200 people or so in this town of Cokeburg? I’m surprised he was able to retire unless there were a lot more people there to begin with.
Jennifer looks like a fun gal and it was a good interview. I also like the questions and answers as it will probably will save you time by not answering the same questions more than once.
It amazes me still that people will wander off on their own during an excursion and get seperated from their group and it is someone else’s fault–and you get cussed out to boot. Its the one irritating thing on an excursion–everyone is back on the bus but no, someone is missing and we must wait for them because they aren’t grown up enough to know where they were supposed to be or they just don’t care that everyone else had to wait because they weren’t finished–I suspect its the latter.
I’m sad that you won’t be on the Thanksgiving cruise…:-(
Hello, John
I have been studying the muster annocment my the cruise director for fun this summer untile school resumed last week, and I now memorize it!! ( :
“GOOD AFTERNOON LADIES, AND GENTELMAN”! WELCOME ABOARD THE CARNIVAL JUSTICE! I am your captain Jake Silverberg speaking to you from the navigational bridge, and for the next 7 days I will guide you along whith my fantastic crew through 3 fantastic ports of call, and we have so much in store for you throughout your vacation, however before this afternoons departure we must go throught what all of you previouse guest know as the muster drill. The muster drill is required by international maratime law, and Is mandatory by the U.S coast guard. In abou 15 minutes time the ships alarm will sound whith 7 short blast followed by one long blast on the ships internal whistle. This is the notifacation that the drill is inprogress and if not already done so you must return to your cabin, collect your life jackets found above the closet opartment of your cabin, then immediatly proceed to the muster stations located on deck four atlantic holding your life jacket, and securing the loos starps from haning on the ground as it may act as a hazard for fellow guest proceding to the muster station as well. This drill is once again madatory, and if you need a specific childs life jacket you may conact your cabin steward for one. All public facilities onboard the ship will close in preparation of the drill, and will resume once I dissmiss you. If you have any questions you may contact the pursers information desk on deck 3 lobby or by dialing extenshian 7777.
Then after As a captain I will gently activate the bow thrusters and manuver the ship away fromthe dock, then once navigating out of the miami I have always dreamed of blowing the horn like theres no tommarow!!
from, JAKE S. ps. tell me how my captains departure speach is.
( :
John, who is this David Beckham you keep talking about. Ok I googled him now I know why I don’t know him, soccer. There are two sports I hate. Soccer game ends with a 1 to 0 score a game without scoring. Then there’s basketball a game where over 200 points are scored and the winning margin is 1 point, great defence. Also in basketball the last minute of the game can take 30 minutes to play.
Funeral Director I should have seen that coming when you must have said the other day at least 6 times that she looked dead. Now you have zombies walk on your ship.
BIG ED
King of the Evil Krewe
.
John, did somebody put signs on all the doors to all the lounges and shows saying “whites only”? I just can’t believe somebody would say what Patricia said in the first “In Their Own Words” letter.
BIG ED
haha
funeral director
since all his ‘clientele’ are dead, along with ginger, maybe he cant shut up towards you given that your not embalmed!
Dave
John,
I sure wish I had the time to read your blog-thingy every day faithfully because if laughter is the best medicine I would be the healthiest guy on earth! LOL! Today was just one of those days at work and then I come home, read about your day and all I can think is “Well, at least nobody cussed me out today!”. I am glad that you draw the line there though. I have hung up the telephone when people have started cussing at me. Clients or not, I won’t put up with that! And good for you, you won’t either! It was very nice of you to get that lady a stuffed dog. I hope it gives her some comfort. This is really not that important so I don’t want to put a please reply on it, but if you think about it, I was wondering if Bubba will still be on the Spirit next May. We are booked on Alaska for then and he sure sounds like a hoot! I would love to meet him. He sounds like many of our friends with his sense of humor.
I hope that cold leaves you quickly. At the risk of adding what is probably already a long list that you have received by now, I did find a product called Airborne that works very well for me and my wife. It is a tablet that dissolves in water, doesn’t taste totally terrible and if you slam one down every 4 hours or so it will at least make you feel a bunch better until the darned thing runs its course.
Thanks for writing this blog-thingy John. I really appreciate it!
Mike
Ok John
you made me look
I had never heard of David Beckham so I googled him
Hi John,
First I won’t mention Rynair, because of your flying phobia………..
But seriously why is it that women never care when a man is at deaths door with a life debillitating cold or even worse the FLU? I agree that this fowl language, that is now used by both sexes in mixed company, has gone too far now. I will not put up with it at home, why should anyone have to in their place of work.( my therapist has helped reduce it a lot… so has themurderer )
If you want a cruise for the weather go somewher hot….if you want culture take what mother nature throws at you.
Brian
John,
This is the first time I have written to you but have been an every day reader since the beginning of summer when Cruise Critic posted a link to your site. Although I am a loyal Princess cruiser, I would jump at the chance to be on one of your cruises. Perhaps that will happen some day. Please don’t let the few unhappy and misadjusted people in this world get you down. My wife and I love your blog and would hate to see you change a thing!
Best Regards,
Ron and Brenda
Hi John.
I have to tell you that for the past couple of years I have been terribly disappointed by every single Carnival cruise on every single vessel in the fleet. The reason for my disppointment is that I was not on board any of them.
Surely I could have expected someone to come round to my house, pack my cases, and drive me to the cruise terminal. Tickets are printed by computer these days – surely one of your computers could have printed tickets with my name on….. and Carnival is such a large corporation, they surely wouldn’t notice that I had neither booked nor paid.
Please send me lots of free stuff or I’ll start f%^&*”£ swearing…….
John – please reply:
I know you won’t be the cruise director on the blogger’s cruise in February, but are you considering doing your bedtime story that cruise? I’ve been on 13 cruises with Carnival and have yet to have the priviledge to see this. Please…please…..pretty please……..????
Hi John & Heidi,
I just caught up on the 3-days’worth of blog thingys that I missed. No wonder Ginger didn’t say anything – formaldehyde overdose. Did you ever ask Fred why he’s going over his already-planned itinerary with you. He’s not asking you any real questions about the ports.
You were so kind to that woman who lost her dog. That was really sweet.
I hope you’re feeling better. You do know that you get a cold from germs – probably from all the people you’re constantly coming in contact with. I hope your date with the doctor goes well. The ship will be in Heidi’s very capable hands.
For Patricia Gregory:
I had absolutely no trouble with my printed out luggage tags. – 2 Suitcases – airlines, ship, taxi. No problem. In fact I still have to remove the tag from my suitcase before my next cruise.
Hope to read more blog thingy soon,
Hugs,
Carol
Hi John,
Sorry about the Cold, but bad news. I had a cold simular to yours last fall ( actualy I know a few people who did ) and it lasted about a month and a half to 2 months. same simmtoms as you reported.
Hope you feel better soon.
I have to say, I like the John replies section. I was wondering how long it take before you became overwhelmed with people asking questions. I thnk it will help.
Pesonally I think you are to big hearted and care for people more than they desreve. but that is what I like about you and Heidi. We are both cut from the same cloth. I know your father is proud of you and when you do decide to retire from the sea, you will fit right in the brotherhood of Masons, it is what we do every day. Please let me know if you ever decide to join, I would like to come over for it, and maybe even participate.
take care John and I hope you feel better,
your friend,
Capt Bill
PS John in your replys section or may a bolg could you talk about the benifits of Platnum card holders. I have yet to cruise since this program came out. Bill (23 carnival cruises)
I love your stream of consciousness writing and sense of humor when you’re delirious with fever! … Truthfully, I love your writing all the time! Thanks for the laughs…and the tears.
Marsha,
I agree with you. The last time I heard the Bedtime Story was the last time I cruised with John – on the Ecstasy in the 90’s. Not one CD on any other ship that I’ve been on has done it.
And yes, Jon, John would make an excellent fly-on entertainer. Then maybe some of us can get to see him without going to Europe.
Later,
Carol
Hi JOhn/Heidi:
I guess everyone was dying to get into Fred’s business (i know, i know..)
Great blog today. I really enjoyed your comments and was surprised to read about the women wanting the refund. I look forward to hearing how your second conversation went with them.
I liked Jennifer’s interview and i wish her luck as she moves up the CD ladder.
Thanks for posting and take care.
Stay warm!
David
hello john
for your cold or flu,,,try this
ZICAM COLD REMEDY SWABS
its on a q-tip ,rub in inside your nose
and it will shortin your cold,,
do it a first sign,, and it may stop it
tom & jane
Capt. Bill
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F!!!!!!!!!!
When my piña colada spilled on my last cruise all over Lido Deck. I should have complained bitterly in an alcohol deprived tirade…. Interjecting colorful adjectives and or adverbs consisting of f#*@)$ every other word….perhaps I would have received….no scratch that….I should have received a replacement beverage (double or triple shot) , a VIP upgrade to the penthouse suite and a free cruise …..those f*!#%@&$ deck chairs are placed too close together making it impossible to move around without knocking your cocktail over.
Mark
The Flying (f%^&~#* lush) Dutchman
We have over here what we think is scoker or real SLO ker. Beck-the-Ham (never meet a camera he did not like),playes for L.A the other part of California we in Northern Cal have a team in San Jose so we could care less what you say about David Bucks -in-Hand, and laugh at L.A for spending what they did and they may not even make our so called play off’s. I am sorry some L.A. So Cal person is mad but to them I will be real grown up and say Nener nener Nener….
LOL….Les
John–is that first photo your head blowing up from the cold???!!!
Two reasons there are no cure for the common cold. First of all, there are tons of strains of viruses which will cause the same symptoms. Secondly, do you know how many companies would go out of business providing over the counter medicines if they ever DID find a cure?
Hi John.
Say what you like about David Beckham but the hand over at the beijing olympics shows he can kick a ball………….!
feel better soon John and great pics BTW!
Bobby
John when do you leave the Splendor ??? I am on there Nov 15 and Nov17 for a little back to back cruise and was hoping you would be on the ship still..
Ed-
Oops, sorry, did not mean to offend-I guess you’re referring to the poem. My bad. Just over-reacting to the pushy people. That’s why we so often let rude behavior pass without a confrontation or comment-reacting or venting makes us look as bad or worse. Patricia