Thursday, September 4th, 2008...5:12 pm
Estonia, Cows and a Dream….With a Bit of Alan
I have decided to study American Politics.
I do so because following a brief mention of the Republican Parties candidate for Vice President Lara Croft……..sorry……..Sarah Palin I received this comment from a blogger.
From: Leavitt, Stephanie (CCL)
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2008 5:21 PM
To: SPLENDOR CRUISE DIRECTOR
Subject: Question from the blog
Brad JordanJOHN PLEAE REPLY.
Mr.Heald.
I really enjoy your blog and have been reading it every day. I know you are not American and probably meant to be funny when you referred to the candidate for Vice President Sarah Palin as a moose hunter but this is exactly what she is and is not qualified to hold the second highest office in the land. I realize that you do not want this blog to be a political forum but may I suggest you learn more about the Republican and Democratic parties before making jokes about them. I will continue to read your blog and hope that you post my comment as others may feel the same
thank you
Brad
And of course he is right……..I certainly do not want to this blog thingy to have any kind of political agenda…….and….as I mentioned a few blogs ago, I would vote for President Bartlett.
However, I have been reading a bit about the two parties. Let me explain why, the General Election will be taking place on November 4th which is during our trans Atlantic crossing and I have been thinking about what to do. Now, whereas I am not showing either convention on the big screen, I am certainly going to have the results playing for the election itself. And, before that I was thinking of holding two activities. I was going to have a vote on board with 3000 guests voting who they will choose as President. Most of the passengers will be U.S. Citizens with some friends from Canada sailing as well but the vote will be for everyone to join in on. It will be interesting to see how the votes of 3000 people compare with the result of the election itself. I was also thinking about holding a bit of a round table discussion with people allowed to express their views etc with me as the moderator thingy. This may though get a little heated but if done correctly………well……….it may be something worth doing. I will never forget my Economics & Political Science teacher Mr. Snell, for two reasons. One…….he was a hippy and most of the time when he was teaching us he was completely stoned and every now and then while teaching us that Margaret Thatcher was evil and should be burned at the stake, he would break into Bob Marley songs.
The other reason I remember him was because he taught us ” Cow Economics.”………this was his ” formula ” to teach us how best to define political and economic labels. Let’s see how many I can remember.
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it
worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, use the udders as airbags on a Mercedes and teach the cows to milk
themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the reporter who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
So, you can see why I never took up politics and instead became a Cruise Director………….still, I think the vote thing may be fun………..anyone see any reason why we shouldn’t do it?
Well, a very good afternoon from Estonia where the ship has just left for the last time. The day started of wet and cold but by 11:00am the sun came out and is still with us as we head towards St.Petersburg. Just before I chat about Estonia for the last time let me just quickly post a few last photos of Berlin . I forgot to do so last time and as they are so good I wanted to share them. These were taken by Lawrence our Production Vocalist who along with many of the Entertainment Staff took some time off and went to Berlin.
The Reichstag Building
British Memorial Stones
The main memorial stone for Sachsenhausen – Made this size on purpose, so it would over shadow Tower A (the main symbol of oppression while the camp was open to the Nazi’s.
Some Entertainment Department Members in Berlin
Thanks Lawrence for sharing those with us.
OK, back to Estonia. You know, as you walk around the old town past the boutique shops, the Internet cafe’s and into the town square to sit and enjoy some fine cuisine, it is easy to forget what Estonia has endured to get where it is today. It was occupied in WW2 and after four years of Nazi rule became part of the Russian Empire. It was only in 1991 that it became a fully independent country. While the economy of Estonia is thriving and they have been excepted into the European Union there are still many examples of the days of Soviet Rule, WW2 and the old town’s 13th century medieval origins.
So, what should you do there. Well, I would take the basic highlights tour. This gives you a comprehensive insight into the countries varied history as your tour the old town and stop at a location high above the gates and walls for an unmissable photo experience. The tour will also give you lots of free time to go shopping where you can browse the antique shops, the marzipan factory and as you will have read on the blog thingy recently ……give you time to buy your AK47 and a dozen grenades.
It’s a beautiful town and like Dubrovnik, Croatia it’s a place that will totally surprise you and one you will want to visit again. Hopefully you will get a chance to visit this brilliant town.
Here is today’s interview with another of our great CD’s. This time it’s Risa Barnes. I could say a lot about her but let me just say this. Nobody has a bigger heart that Risa as you will see from the two photos of her and a young man called Logan. His Dad had written to me on the blog asking if we could help his son make his dream come true and be a Cruise Director for the day and meet all the ship’s staff. Well, I wrote to Risa and she made the little chaps dream very much come true. Here are photo’s of Risa and Logan and her interview.
1. Can you tell us which ship you currently are on and when you are due to leave?
I am currently on the Carnival Inspiration until December 6 and sadly, but happily, will be returning to a new home in February – the Carnival Fantasy. I will miss my family of over two years here, but am excited for the change and even more so I will get to see my old friend Big Tex and sail on John’s second bloggers cruise!
2. Carnival Cruise Directors come from very diverse backgrounds. Some have entertainment experience, some, like me have none. Can you tell us about your background and how you ended up with the best job in the world?
I graduated from the University of South Carolina…”Go Gamecocks!” ….with a marketing degree which I used for a couple of years as manager of the Body Shop Skin & Hair. My mother took her first cruise in October 1996 on the Fascination out of Puerto Rico and actually brought an application from the pursers back for me (they don’t have these onboard any longer…hee hee). This encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone so I sent out resumes to almost every shipboard department within Carnival — even departments which historically did not attract a lot of female candidates. . Two months, later I was hired to work in the patisserie on the Carnival Destiny when she first began service. I met so many incredible people within the company who helped me along the way that I knew I made the right decision (even though I had never worked so hard in my entire life). Being stuck behind the coffee bar I made a point to talk to EVERYONE…guests and crew – just to have company – and in the end this helped me make my mark. I do believe I created the creamiest and most delicious chocolate milkshakes, which, in turn, endeared me to an extremely important man who eventually gave me my first shot as social host. Probably no surprise to most, but Mr. John Heald was my first mentor! I worked hard and was determined to become one of the first female cruise directors in the fleet as at that time there were none. To this day, I am thankful for all the support, guidance and words of encouragement that many of the cruise directors before me gave to me…especially John and Chris Roberts, as well as Mark Hawkins and Devin Fleming (both retired), as well as some very supportive hotel directors — Ron Ness, Aaron Thomas, Roger McGregor and others.
3. Before we talk about some of your favorite parts of the job, lets talk about the areas behind the scenes……….the things guests never see. Tell us about what a cruise director does when he or she is not on the stage but keeps you just as busy.
WOW…this is a loaded question. Behind the scenes, we not only organize and make sure everything is planned and ready to go for the guests, we also make sure Carnival Capers is updated and prepared each day. We are in charge of up to 60 people in our department, including “fun patrol” staff, dancers, musicians, DJs and comedians. This was mentioned by someone else but I have to agree that we become the “parent” figure — meaning that we not only take care of business matters but are also on call 24 hours a day for any personal issues, moral support and motivation. We also work closely with ALL other departments on board to ensure they are taken care of and help them do their utmost to make sure guests have a great vacation. Besides the fun stuff, we also are involved with safety initiatives onboard, conducting safety tours, and meeting with our committees to find ways to make the overall shipboard experience safe for EVERYONE.
4. A cruise director is happiest when performing or being with guests. Can you tell us two activities or events that you would call your signature items…………events that make you stand out from the crowd?
I LOVE the Love & Marriage and Newlywed games as they allow me to some have some carefree fun with the crowd – each of the participants are unique and wonderfully entertaining. I also enjoy the “magic quarter trick” (which was given to me by Mr. Mark Price) that I do with very young junior cruisers each week. The kids are priceless as they always say what they are thinking and make the crowd laugh while giving them that warm and fuzzy feeling.
5. What has been your most challenging moment as cruise director so far?
There have been many challenging times especially during hurricane season and summer vacation season (LOTS of kids!), but still to this day my second cruise as acting cruise director on the MS Holiday when she got stuck on a sandbar for four days was the toughest and most rewarding! It was Thanksgiving and there was lots of bonding with some wonderful people and fellow crew who were going above and beyond to make the experience positive and fun for those guests stuck there
6. And, your most rewarding
Can’t pinpoint one moment or occasion, but when guests come onboard and remember me from years before, it just makes me feel like I did my job, helped them enjoy their cruise and made the best impression possible. I LOVE my job and when people come up to me and remember their cruise, it just proves that I am in the right place!
7. On your current ship can you tell us about your itinerary and can you recommend one must do excursion from each port of call?
Carnival Inspiration currently does a five-day, five-day and four-day rotation. The five-day cruises visit both Grand Cayman and Cozumel and on the four-day we go to Cozumel. There are so many wonderful tours in both ports, but to narrow it down I would definitely suggest the following:
Grand Cayman – ANY tour that takes you out to the Stingray City Sandbar is an awesome experience…specifically the Reef & Ray or the Stingray & Snorkel by Ray Runner (you get to drive yourself out to the sandbar and to a beautiful reef). I would also recommend the Stingray City and Island Tour which lets you enjoy the stingray experience and also get an overall tour of the island where you stop at the Turtle Farm and Hell…that’s right…Hell
Cozumel – My FAVORITE port – offers SO much! The beginner’s scuba is wonderful and because of this tour I felt confident enough to get my own scuba certification. If you want something a little more subtle — but still filled with fun — I would recommend the Cozumel Jeep and Snorkel at Punta Sur. Not only do you get to do a bit of off-roading near the mangroves, you drive along the beach to a spot where you then enjoy a little snorkeling, fresh snacks and refreshments, along with volleyball and swimming. The staff are not only informative, but tons of fun!
I would also recommend the Cozumel Amazing Race which is based on the reality TV show, but really gets you into the heart and soul of the destination. You meet so many of the locals searching from clue to clue and really get the true flavor and vibe of the island.
Last, but not least, you have the option of going over to mainland Mexico where the top three picks would be the Mayan Ruins of Tulum (wonderful history and beauty), the Caverns by Jeep & Beach Exploration (fabulous cavern experience with relaxing fun and lunch on the beach afterwards…and you drive your own Jeep), and Xcaret (a beautiful park where anyone of any age can truly enjoy a day of history, beauty, snorkeling, exploring and more)
8. Why, in your opinion is Carnival…………..the world’s most popular cruise line?
Number one – Carnival is MORE FUN! Cruise after cruise, I have guests approach me that are cruising with us for the first time and they always say they don’t know why they didn’t try it sooner. No matter which ship in the fleet you go on you will get the most bang for your buck and be embraced as family from that point on. Carnival is my family away from my family and you will never find friendlier people from all over the world who work diligently to make sure you have the vacation of a lifetime.
9. Is there a ship in the fleet you would love to be cruise director of that you have yet to be so and what port of call would you like to visit that you have not so far in your career?
I can’t say there is one specific ship…If I could go back in time I would choose the MS Tropicale because it was small and lovely. ALL the guests and crew interacted on a daily basis because wherever you went, you saw people you knew. It still holds wonderful memories for me and she would be where I would want to go. I will say regarding current ships that I would love to be on any ship where I could see Europe!
10. Every CD has a story to tell from their time onboard. What’s your most recent funny, sad or inspirational story you can share with us?
There have been many funny moments…tripping in front of hundreds of guests in a beautiful formal gown making my way onto the stage, tripping going up stairs talking to guests, and even tripping walking a straight line down the promenade chatting with people…obviously you see the tripping theme…I am not a graceful girlie girl and just laugh it off, telling people my family call me “Grace.” As for inspirational stories, there are also many, but in particular I had one guest, Dick, who sailed a few times with us. He likes to set up a day and time for retired and active military to get together to tell stories and share their experiences with each other. There is usually a small attendance, but those that show up have so much emotion telling their stories. In particular, there was a couple that came to one gathering and one gentlemen told some really heartfelt stories. Afterwards, this gentleman’s wife approached Dick and stated she was his second wife and only been married to him for 3 years, but was so touched to hear about those moments in his life because he had never been able to share them with her. Sad and beautiful, all at the same time.
11. Finally……pick a cruise director table ……..you are hosting a table at dinner onboard the carnival Dream………what’s for dinner………..and who do you invite?
APPETIZER
Stuffed mushrooms — and I mean stuffed with a lot of parmesan cheeseMAIN COURSE
My mother’s beef stroganoff with big fat noodlesDESSERT
Chocolate Bitter & Blanc…YUMMY!!! But I don’t get dessert often as I am fighting off the mid-life belly bulge or as I call it the polyester pouch…ouch!SOMEONE FROM THE CRUISE INDUSTRY
If I could bring someone back who is no longer with us…Ted Arison…he was the heart and soul of Carnival and lovely man. Currently Ian Smith and Natko Nincevic as these two men started me out with this company in the very beginning.SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD
I would have to bring two: Big Tex (my Jeremy) and Chris Roberts…these two always have a way of making me laugh no matter what!YOUR FAVORITE ACTRESS
Sandra Bullock or Jessica Tandy…I know, two very different womenYOUR FAVORITE ACTOR
Johnny Depp or Christian Slater….LOVE THEMYOUR FAVORITE MUSICIAN
Michael Buble or Jim Brickman (pianist)AND SOMEONE FROM HISTORY YOU WISHED YOU HAD MET
Jackie O
Thanks Risa and we all wish you continued success and applaud your dedication to the fun ship cause.
Now, let me share a Dream with you……….that’s Carnival Dream by the way. Our Manager of Production Design and Entertainment and all things technical and show business Mr.Preston Bircher is as we speak in Italy visiting the vessel. here then is a first look at the spectacular Carnival Dream.
Here’s the profile of the new aft section……that’s not the ship’s funnel by the way
Looking into the theatre
The Carnival Dream is becoming a reality and I know, like me many of you are looking forward to this spectacular vessel and I will add more photos as often as I can.
And, two guests enjoyed it so much that they nearly stayed longer. The ship was due to leave at 4:00pm and we were missing two guests called Steve and Rafael. I shall not mention their last names to protect their identity but I can tell you that at 3:45pm we had everyone onboard……….except Steve and Rafael. So, I paiged them to check that our computer entry system had not messed up and that they were in fact onboard and to ask them if anyone new of their whereabouts.
It was at 3:55pm just as we were preparing to inform the ship’s agent that we were missing two guests that I heard our Chief Security say that they were at the entrance to the pier……………I was then told that they were………ummmm…….happy.
I went out to the deck 5 forward area to see myself and sure enough they were, in the distance taking the long way back. By this I mean they were not walking in a straight line although one seemed to be trying or was walking on a beer induced invisible tightrope. He had turned both his arms into wings and was trying to balance on the imaginary rope. He would have been doing OK if the rope had been 10 feet wide.
This was too good an opportunity to miss so I ran……..OK……….I walked quickly back to the cabin and made an announcement that there was an interesting site on the pier. Steve Budweiser and Rafael Miller were now being encouraged and cheered on by hundreds of guests on their balconies and open decks……..the two men seemed oblivious to the fact that they were holding the ship up as they were too busy telling each other ” I love you man.”
Anyway, too the sounds of laughter and cheers they weaved their way back onboard with our security guards making sure that they didn’t get wet……….if you know what I mean.
I should mention that the beer is pretty cheap in Estonia and that the taverns serve their local beer everywhere. It is lethal and it while I do not know the exact alcohol strength I can tell you it is very cloudy and like one of those old Frankenstein movies it has steam coming out of it and little bubbles of acid exploding at the top.
Anyway, Steve and Rafael obviously had partaken in a few of these and were very lucky to have made it home. I am sure you have a picture in your mind of these twenty something kids……….well………….I should tell you that Steve is 49 and Rafael is 55.
Although I do not drink these days there were times when Alan my best mate and I would get as drunk as Steve and Rafael and when we did we would always get in so much trouble and alienate ourselves from every girl in town.
As I sit here and right this stuff I have no idea why I am as it has nothing to do with a blog thingy about Cruise life but i can’t stop myself telling you. I remember a party we went to at the home of a young lady called Elgar. He parents were away and her very posh ten bedroom mansion was filled with young ladies……….Alan and I somehow got invited and we were in heaven. As the party got into full swing the beer flowed and everyone was having a good time. Now, I am going to write this next bit just as I remember it.
I was dancing………….ok………….let me give you a few moments to stop laughing…………..yes…………i was dancing………and as George Michael and the other one from Wham reminded me to Wake Them Up Before We Go Go……..all was well. I had a young lady called Karen Goose dancing by my side and every now and then I would let my hand gently brush her thigh……..I don’t think her boyfriend liked that very much………..come to think of it neither did Karen, who later on that year slapped me round the face in the middle of my local pub. This was because she had received a Valentine’s card ……..which she thought was from me although it was actually written and delivered by Alan.
ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS ARE BLUE
MY NAME IS JOHN
AND I WANT TO……..i can’t write the rest but you can understand why she hit me.
Anyway, back to the party. So, there I was dancing away to George Michael probably thinking what a lucky sod he was that every girl in the world wanted him, of course at the time I had no idea that all he wanted was Bob. ……the beer poured, the music played and every now and then I got to touch Karen’s thigh. All of a sudden………..and yes, I swear this is the truth……….all hell broke loose. I heard laughing mixed with screaming and as I walked into the hallway of the grand house there at the top of the sweeping staircase was Alan…….who had obviously had one beer too many which meant he had had three.
Alan was at the top of the staircase and for some bizarre reason he had his pants and his boxers round his ankles. he then gingerly mounted the banister by swinging one very drunken leg over…….. and at the speed of a geriatric turtle slid to the bottom of the staircase…………and as he did so he shouted ” weeeeeeeeeeeee”.
Obviously the view was not a pleasant one and when he finally reached the bottom he was met by cheers, laughter, applause and a very angry Elgar.
She screamed ” what do you think you are doing sliding down the banister like that” Alan, slowly pulled up his boxers and trousers and in that slightly slurred and oh so familiar voice he said
“There was no toilet paper in the bathroom.”
5 minutes later we were on a bus…………going home………..never to be invited to a party again.
Goodnight
Your Friends
John, Heidi and Alan
39 Comments
September 4th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
HA HA…great story John…haven’t we all had those moments where in the middle of a hangover we say “I shouldn’t have done that!”
Cow Economic….the Best!
Also, had Risa as a CD in January and she was AMAZING! Definitly big props for the great job she does every day!
Dave from Colorado
September 4th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Again a nice job John, thanks for the insights. Your political comments and sarcasm towards politico’s are fine, politicians need to be laughed at. As an American I think the idea for a vote on board during the crossing would be great and interesting to see how it parallels the real results of the election.
As for Brad’s comments and the cow economics lesson, the two seem to go hand in hand. Brad and his comments in my humble opinion are full of bovine excrement. Until he learns to spell correctly or utilize spell check he should not chastise someone for their thoughts or opinions, it is after all your blog.
Glad the boy’s made it back to the ship in time and safe, it certainly is wonderful to experience another countries culture.
September 4th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
For me personally, when I’m on vacation I want to leave politics at home. I’ll deal with them when I get back. Cruises are for relaxing. I would not want to hear about politics while on board. Just my two cents!
September 4th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Hello John and Heidi,
John, you mentioned that you are going to have the results playing for the election itself.
Careful now…depending on which media outlet you have on, there will be those who will complain you are showing biased results from “that” network.
You just can’t win when it comes to politics.
Nice to hear Risa Barnes will be with us all on the BLOG2NOLA cruise with Big Tex.
Hearing of Steve and Rafael reminds us of our favorite pastime. We always make it back to the ship in time to get a cold drink and stand on our balcony to watch the late folks make their way up the pier. Cozumel is the best port for this.
Phil & Liz
September 4th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
John, don’t forget Alan has said he will be on the Bloggers Cruise. So be sure to set up a time for us to meet him and let him tell his side of all these stories. I’m sure most of them may sound very different. By the way did YOU get any splinters from the banister,LOL.
BIG ED
ALAN, click on my name above and place a comment anyplace on my blog so I can get back to you by email. Would like you in on the Evil Krewe’s plans.
September 4th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Another wonderful blog and more fantastic pictures.
Also, fantastic news!! Risa will be on the Blogger’s Cruise!! How great is that! She’s a wonderful cruise director and probably the most organized, efficient, busy person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Thanks for the pictures of Bill, Logan and Risa. I’m sure that was an adventure that Logan will never forget!
Steve and Rafael remind me of nearly every trip to Cozumel. It’s great sport to watch the stragglers wander aimlessly down the pier as the ship’s whistle blows threats at them. It seems to happen almost every cruise!!
No wonder you and Alan are so close. You two are a matched set!!
All my best to the lovely Heidi and all my thanks to the wonderful Stephanie, and of course, to you.
Ciao!!
Host Mach
September 4th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Here I am at work ….laughing hysterically at the outrageous antics of Alan…… Sliding down the banister…….I can’t imagine why the two of you were so popular …….
As far as the political process and discussion in the blog thingy……everyone is going to have their opinions and people will swing one way or the other ……some more fervently and with greater momentum than others…..in the end it will be the Hatfields and the McCoys…..
Perhaps Pfizer could make a new drug to help out….since many seem to be suffering from electile dysfunction these days.
The Flying (need a new drug) Dutchman
September 4th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Hi John and Heidi,
Since you asked, here are my 2 cents worth… I don’t think you should do the vote thingy. I can see you and the poor Purser’s Desk being overrun with comments from people who would not agree if the voting did not come out in favor of their side. I personally think it would be interesting to see how the voting would go and if it would mirror what happens in the actual election, and I think majority of the passengers would have fun with it and take it in the spirit of fun. I just think the few that might not, would not be worth the headaches.
The CD interview today was fabulous!
September 4th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
John… I can see the DREAM!!! I can see her become our SHIP!!! She’s WONDERFUL already!! And such a personality!!!
And Risa is a doll!!! Beautiful and talented!!! Host Mach introduced us to her in his photos and review from his Inspiration cruise earlier this year!
You and Alan!! Your best mate… I see that!!! Who create whom??? Who begat whom??? You must be cloned from the same cell!! CRAZIES… Both of you CRAZIES!!!!
Best wishes to you, Heidi and Stephanie!!
Lambie
PS… How can I make it for 17 more days… Then I’m off on the CONQUEST!!! WHOOPPE!!!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Hi John,
Sorry to say, I don’t think your idea about involving politics on the cruise is a good idea. For various reasons this is a really hot-button election. As evidenced by Mrs. Knee Hi, Captain Rude, Mrs. S. Nob, & Mr. Hurry Lunch, some few people have absolutely no patience or sense of humor & just go around looking for a fight. Believe me, you’ve never seen upset like you will see it when the election results are announced regardless of who wins. Your idea was a good one & would be fun in an ideal world, but we ain’t there yet. The only other thing that would stir up as much controversy is discussing religion.
September 4th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
John,
Excellent blog today. You offered some great belly laughs.
The party story with Alan brought back memories. Like you, I rarely drink alcohol. I used to… basically I used to until I was old enough to by law.
My last visit to that tap, was back in my college days, at a college football game in Colorado, I stole the school band’s base drum, and banged it obnoxiously around the stadium, until security caught up with me…. which in my state didn’t take all that long. Fortunately the only ramification was me being escorted from the stadium. I woke up the next morning laying on the bathroom floor, after having spent a large part of the night praying to the porcelain gods.
That was my last personal get together with total drunken oblivion. Oddly, I went from that day to 30 years owning Pubs and restaurants, so I could proft from others enjoying their drink.
Like you, I’m sure, people would offer to buy me drinks each and every day. I’d thank them, but tell them to save that money to take a taxi home.
Regards,
Kuki
CruiseMates.com
September 4th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
hey John
to tell the truth I don’t watch the election stuff I consider it a wast of time the winner wins and the loser losses I just look to see who won the next day. we are in the Freedom transatlantic during the election and will have all ready cast our votes in October.
September 4th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Loved the cow economics!!!
John, I will be onboard Destiny for Election Day and have wondered how this will be….not sure I want to see how my cruising environment would be affected by a mock vote….I will have a report from my perspective for sure!!
Steve and Rafael….sounded like Cozumel!!! Many a hilarious view of people staggering down the pier when the ship’s horn sounded LOLOL!! And once we watched a taxi driver deliver one happy soul to the middle of two ships and leave….security had to come and sort out which ship he belonged to…gotta love Cozumel!!
How fantastic to hear we have Risa AND Big Tex on our Bloggers sail!! Fabulous!!! I feel like I know her already from Mach’s Inspiration review for Cruise Critic this year!! And she already knows our Crazie Scots!! I already LOVE Big Tex, he rocks!!! Can’t wait to sail with him again!! WOOOO HOOO!!!
Thank you so much for sharing pics of our DREAM coming true!!! You rock too!!!
Love to you and Heidi, and Stephanie!!
Floatie
September 4th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Dear John I loved the supply side cow enomics.I was laughing with every country.They were spot on black and white spots at that.I feel you could be opening a can of worms with the vote thingy.Politics can and usually is a rough subject with many thorns.As for Alan and you I’m sure you were a lively and devilish duo.Risa seems utterly charming and a great asset to Carnival.
Best wishes to all. Gary and Bug
September 4th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
John,
I think the voting could be interesting but having a discussion group could be a nightmare! You know nothing ruins a party quicker than politics or religion. Well…. maybe sliding down the banister half naked.
Highlight of my trips is watching the partiers stagger back.
Kathy
September 4th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
John,
Just wanted to let you know we are back from our cruise to find our home safe and sound. CD Tory Secoy and Cpt Leotta on the Holiday did a great job on keeping us updated as to where the ship was going. We were really sad to hear that we would be getting three extra hours in Cozumel…….NOT. We only hit 8-10 footers on the way to Progreso with hardly any rain.
Also when a maint cycle on the engine took longer than expected delaying our departure from Cozumel, they were upfront as to what the delay was and assured us they would have us back to Mobile on time. We arrived right on time and was off the ship and in our car by 8am.
We had a wonderful cruise and meet several crew members we had not seen in over 10 months. It is always great to see the recognition on their faces when they realize you have sailed with them before.
For my 7th cruise on the Holiday, I made the blackjack final and picked the 7th seat. I won the $500 (first time ever for me) plus had hit for $200 on a penny slot while waiting for the final to start. That gives me another number 7. During the bingo game, I won $7 on the scratch cards and then won a Build a Bear in the Lucky Loser draw.
As my Mum says, “I was born with a golden horseshoe up my backside” with some of the things that happens to me.
The only sad thing about a cruise ending is having to go around saying goodbye to all the great crewmembers we have met. Now to get my daughters to stop calling Bob (Social Host from Ireland) “Lucky Charms”.
Hopefully the Blogger who was concerned coming from Atlanta with his kids made it the ship. If not, he missed a wonderful cruise.
Dave
September 4th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
You are always so entertaining. Thanks for blogging. Weeeeeeeeee….
September 4th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Funny funny story John, you tell a story like none other.
If your value your life, if your value sense of humor, if your value your sanity you will not have anything to do with the US Election in November. I would not even recommend putting it on the Big Screen. In the Staterooms yes, but not the Big Screen. Americans are fiercely and strongly competitive but when it comes to Politics and their party, you would not believe how volatile it can be. They do not back down, they do not let up and they will fight to the death. OK, that last line may be a stretch but it could get pretty volatile.
Keep smiling John, you truly are an amazing person.
September 4th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
John:
I would advise against a mock vote on board. I would strongly urge you not to have a set discussion about it.
Larry & I were on a cruise out of Texas back in late 2000. The country had had it’s election, but some disputed the results in Florida. The recount seemed to last forever, with election officials straining to determine whether there was a “hanging chad” or even a dimple in the voting cards. As it happened, we watched the news channel in our stateroom before the ship pulled away from the dock, and the result of the recount was announced, so we knew who our new President was before we sailed.
The comedian on that cruise made use of the recount footage as fodder for his show, which we thought was pretty funny. But some of the Floridians that were on the ship were NOT amused by his observations and comments.
Get into political commentary and you are guaranteed to have at least half of your audience upset, and probably all of them at some point. And that would be even without asking non-USA-citizens to “vote” in a mock USA election. I really don’t care to know how anyone else would vote, when I am on vacation.
Just my $.02!
Terri
September 4th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
John, I think a round table discussion could be very interesting and people who choose to avoid politics on their vacation would certainly not be required to attend!! Not like you are going to hold it on the Lido deck during lunch. I am not sure I would do the vote thingie though – a little too volitile I think.
I am 43 days away from leaving on the Liberty (10/18 right after dry dock) and I am sooooo excited, but I am wondering if you might know who our CD will be….I have been reading faithfully everyday and I see the current CD is getting off prior to the dry dock and going elsewhere
Your blog thingie hits mid afternoon my time (Arizona) I am always so very grateful for the smile to carry me thru the rest of my day. You are so appreciated and I am moved by how much you really care about your guests and bloggers
Much Love,
Jennie
September 4th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
John,
Why would you want to ruin a great cruise by bringing politics into it.
Enough of politics. We want to thank you for replying to our question earlier this week.
So thank you
September 4th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
John please reply.
David, Valentine, and I are going to be on Carnival Freedom’s transatlantic cruise. Since I have had a couple of problems before I thought that I would speak with you. Valentine is my service dog who travels with me everywhere. Unlike the usual service dog you see Valentine is only about 10lbs. I love that Carnival has started using the manufactured paper pellots for her to do her business, however, I do sometimes have quite a time getting it to me. Could you please notify them that Valentine will be on board and we would like the litter in our room upon arrival. We travel with our own box so a box will not be needed. The other thing that I sometimes run into is that not everyone likes to eat with a dog ( although unless we told them that she was there they probably would never know) so any help in this matter would be great. Maybe eveb a table for 2 I mean 3.. LOL
Thanks John I will appreciate any help that you provide, Keep up the good work on the blog we all enjoy it here at home, I was also glad that the doctor said that you were healthy but I;ll bet if you were honest he told you to slow down and relax . I hope that you can find some way to get a little rest. I told David the other night that you need an assistant to handle those crazy complainers that have no hope or desire to be happy.
Smothe waves and sunny days,
Barbara, David, and Valentine
September 5th, 2008 at 12:16 am
I remember Estonia fondly .. there we were in the tavern with an ice cold beer and an order of this amazing deep fried garlic bread .. life is good .. lunch is on the way … I noted all the very thin blue eyed blondes eating the chili with gusto ..so of course I needed to try that while hubby ordered the shepards pie. For some odd reason .. he started laughing when the server was approaching .. apparently he could see the steam rising from the piping hot chili .. ok fine let it cool .. have another deep fried garlic bread.. now lets try it .. The steam heat was NOTHING compared to the spicy hot .. it was no wonder they serve so much beer !!!!!!
I think the election might be fun .. but I would nip that round table discussion in the bud .. or prepare the brig beforehand because I see fist fights on that venue ..
Great blog as always….
September 5th, 2008 at 1:07 am
Dear John,
Please include in your answer to Brad that the jokes on the candidates are just it, a joke. If he can not take those jokes, we don’t need his opinion either on their qualifications. He should be thankful that there is a John Heald who amuses us with his blog. Where is his sense of humor?
We join the hundreds who read your blog to encourage you to keep writing. We love your blog as much as we love both you and Heidi.
September 5th, 2008 at 7:19 am
Dear John
How dare you joke about British Cows!
I will have you know that my caravan park is in an intensely agricultural and dairy focussed area of the countryside, and if Ermintrude and Daisy knew you were talking about them they would go right off their grass.
Rant……… moan………. horses……….. souvenir gun……… immigration queues………. why can’t I phone you at 1am……….. grrrr…….. people pushing int queues……… what nurse………. oh the pink pill…… I’ll take it now, yes……. gulp……… swallow……… ah I feel better now.
Does this straight-jacket make my bum look big?
September 5th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Dear John,
Thank you so much for starting my day off with a big smile (laugh actually). That story about you and Alan was too much. Truth or fiction?
Loved the photos of my Dream. Keep ‘em coming.
I don’t know if doing the election thing would be a good idea. Could cause some very excited, over-indulged people to get a little rambunctious. Maybe a few announcements, but the results will I’m sure be available on the cabin tv’s. Unless there’s another Florida hanging chad situation. (And personally, I agree with you, I’m voting for President Bartlett).
Great interview with Risa. I’m pretty sure I remember her from the Destiny. What a personality.
Interesting info about Estonia – did you say marzipan factory – yum.
OK, Simon Legree is making his rounds to see who’s at their desks. Time to look busy. Have a great day and more blog thingy later?
Hugs,
Carol
September 5th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Holy cow! This is the best blog yet! Oh my head-hurrah for John and his cows. What this country needs is more laughter. John Heald for President. I will vote for the party, not the candidate, because the party has the power, the elected is a figurehead. Since I’m really tired of war, higher gas prices and being embarressed by our figurehead, I’ll vote for the other party. If they win, we will hopefully have less war, a better economy, and another embarressing figurehead.
September 5th, 2008 at 8:54 am
John if you are going to go within 500 yards of an election-thingy you’d better lay in a supply of cakes and champagne bottles! No matter how well intentioned it seems there is always that minority of people at any given gathering that just can’t laugh at themselves, much less politics! Heck, look at Florida, they actually strung some poor sap up! I just can’t imagine hanging Chad….. okay, I had to do it!
I think most of us grew up with an Alan or a John in our lives. That’s what makes the best memories and makes us laugh! Maybe that’s what is missing in the lives of those Captains, Mrs S. Nobs, etc! Maybe they just needed someone like that in their lives early on to teach them about humor and having fun!
And for the record Brad, no, I don’t agree and I think you need to lighten up! Sheesh! Leave John alone! I make up for anything he might say about our politics by the things I say about the Royals, so we’re even! LOL!
I’m thinking I need to stop reading your blog-thingy John. You are sure making me long for another cruise just to get away from home for awhile! But I do appreciate these forays into wonderful and exotic places, even if it is vicariously, so that I get a break, even if it is for only a brief time.
Mike
September 5th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Risa brought back fond memories for me of the Tropicale. We sailed her in Alaska. Most folks don’t remember that the Tropicale sailed the Alaska route, but I have the photos to prove it. I wish I could remember the Maitre D’s name. He played chimes to call us to dinner and said “Good Eeeeeeevening” over the PA system. He was a lot of fun.
September 5th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Another great blog thingy, but stay far, far away from politics. It could get ugly! I agree with Lauren – on a cruise I want to stay away from politics, work, family crises, etc. Of course, I do need to see the sports scores!
September 5th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Just my opinion but I agree with all the others who said ” Do not get involved in US politics on the ship.” People get much too upset and a political discussion will not stay just a discussion for long.
September 5th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Hey John:
The election issue is a double edged sword. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. There will be passengers who will be angry because they want to know the outcome. I don’t think the discussion group is a good idea it could get very, very ugly. The “mock” election could be fun but if I were you, I’d wait till the last day to post the outcome – that way you would avoid all the problems! Whatever you decide to do, someone is going to have a problem with it so do as you always have done – go with your gut!
Sue K in Pittsburgh (Go Steelers!)
September 5th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
John,
Very funny story can picture Alan as he decends the stair case! Not a pretty sight but very very funny! I feel for your late passangers bet they had a heck of a hang-over!!
The voting onboard ship would be fun I think. The results would be interesting to see how they match up to the actual election!
Beautiful pictures as always! I love seeing them especiaal since I probably won’t get to see them in person!! Thank-you!!
Bless You, Heidi & Crew
September 5th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Oh my Gosh!! You had me laughing so hard…thank you that made my day.
We will be on the Transatlantic and I think a faux-election would be greatly interesting! I think you should do it.
Not sure about the political discussion group though. Could get nasty.
Patsie in Texas
September 5th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Hi JOhn/Heidi:
I guess that is the fastest way to get yourself blackballed from social functions. That’s great.
I’m sure that was a fun cleanup for Elgar.
Excellent blog today and i really enjoyed your cows/politics analogy.
Great pics of the Dream. I can’t get over how big she’s gonna be.
Thanks for the blog and have a good weekend.
Take care!
David
September 5th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Hi John,
Please don`t do this election on board:
There are so many US citzens interested in politics.
An average of only less than 53% did choose to vote the last last five presidential elections the most 57% in 2004.
You have to sort out at least 40% of the US voters to get some decent result to compare.
How are you going to manage this?
Please: No politics on vacations.
If possible you should only use one of the cabin TV channels to broadcast the election.
As I am on board on Nov 04 (only 54 days to go)
I will see what`s happening.
Hopefully not spoiling the whole cruise.
Whatever you do it will be wrong.
Sorry, but my opinion:
Poor pursers and you as well.
One comment about horse farm Warnemunde:
In Germany 16 year old´s are allowed to buy beer and wine (They shouldn`t). Our full age 18, to buy spirits and smoking.
yours Ralf
September 6th, 2008 at 11:49 am
John,
Great story about the two guys in Estonia. We went out to the castle that day for the Medieval whatever. It was really nice,however, I think next year Jim and I might want to sample the Estonian beer. Oh, I gotta tell you though, the house we stopped at where they had the Vodka and pickles….yummo! Gotta love the Russian vodka and the pickles were good too!
Ruth
September 7th, 2008 at 10:57 am
John:
Back from our “gustav Ecstasy” cruise to nowhere and let me tell you…”nowhere” is a BLAST!!
GREAT weather…. GREATER KARAOKE (a shout out to Aretha and Joey) and tons of fun. Goose, Brad, Byron, Suzana and Lauren (I hope I spelled her name right) all worked 24/7 to pack as much as humanly possible into those 3 days. And they did it with a smile!!
More about that later…..
I want to “tell tales” on Risa. I have shared this story on Cruise Critic many times, because I really feel like it represents the best of what Carnival does.
We were returning from a wonderful day at port. As we boarded, we saw Risa and a waiter assisting a gentleman with advanced Parkinson’s. It was very difficult for him to stand and walk. Risa had asked a waiter to retrieve a wheelchair for him. Risa had obviously been enjoying a day at the beach (based on her attire).
At this point, she could have just as easily handed this couple off to the waiter and the wheelchair to take them back to their cabin.
But she walked with them, making sure they had everything they needed. We were behind them as she personally escorted them back to their interior cabin on Main. (We were just down the hall.)
When they got to the cabin, the gentleman wanted to walk into his cabin and Risa and the waiter physically assisted him.
Later, when we saw them, the lady said she was sorry she did not get the name of the “nice passenger” was that helped her. I told her that was not a passenger, that was the Cruise Director.
She told me how surprised she was that the CD would do that …and I told her I wasn’t…that is Carnival!!
Linda ( Mom of your friend DJ)
September 7th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
How good of you to invite everyone to enjoy the late arrival of Bud and Miller. I would tell my husband about all the late arrivers that you wrote about on the blog and while on our TA cruise, Jim and his brother would look for runners arriving late at each port. Much to their dissappointment, we never had any. Wish we were there with you for this one, sounded like one of the best ones yet.
Loved the interview. How wonderful that we get to have both Risa and Big Tex on the Blogger’s Cruise.
Ann
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