I doubt Mr. and Mrs. Coppertone are very happy today as we have gone “all Baltic” here again in the Baltic. It’s as grey – just like most of the 1960’s Soviet apartment blocks that still stand, reminding those of the way things used to be. The temperature is struggling to go past 60 degrees and, compared to yesterday weather, it’s a bit yucky. So, this is our last time here in Russia…….what do I think of the place?…..mmmmmm……well, let’s have a chat.
First of all the disappointments.
Well, I guess I was surprised at the ummmm…….and I can’t think of a better word ……….”cold” reception we received from the port and the local people. Maybe I am being a bit fussy, but in every other port, from the Danes to the brilliant Germans in Warnemunde, there was a “first call ” celebration. ………in fact, as I mentioned in an earlier blog, the Germans made every call a “first call.”
Now, you may be asking yourself why I didn’t say something about this to the port authorities or the local government officials. Well, that would be because a few years ago a cruise director for Holland America Line made a similar complaint.
This obviously displeased the Russians because the following morning the cruise director was found buried head-down in a pile of garbage, with just his feet sticking out. And that’s the thing about Russians. We wear a No Fear T-shirt — they wear the look in their eyes.
And that’s why I chose not to laugh at their swimming trunks when they sail onboard. However, on the blog I don’t mind telling you they were hilarious. Like Speedos but without the style, and a lot tighter.
Still, they were better dressed than their wives. Elsewhere in the world the thong bathing suit is the preserve of my mate Alan or size 0 supermodels. In Russia it is also worn by people who are eight tons or 80 years old.
Now I’m told by my mate Alan that there are some extremely beautiful Russian girls. But obviously they’re all on his computer, because the ones in St. Petersburg were the shape of one of those Russian dolls and have the same personality. Take the immigration officer I dealt with yesterday. She looked like she’d been to Chernobyl for her vacation……scary was not the word. She made no effort to smile and was as cold as a Siberian winter. The only time she communicated was when she let out a satisfying grunt as she devoured three Danish pastries all at the same time.
Obviously I am overstating this a little but the basic ingredients are exactly as I described. And this also is the case with the tour guides. They are all very pleasant, brilliantly knowledgeable and there is nobody better to show you the city. However, after one or two calls the shore excursion manager and I realized that we needed to pre-warn the guests that, unlike other guides, the Russians were not going to smile, laugh and crack the odd joke. Warning the guests ahead of time has drastically reduced the number of comments where previously guests had mentioned that compared to say the guides in Denmark or Germany; they were a little “icy.”
Now, I am not going to mention the immigration issues, this has been well documented and, even if I do say so myself, I think we have the distribution of guests on Carnival excursions and private tours down to a fine art. The waiting time in line is never more than 15 minutes for Carnival excursion guests and 20 minutes for private tours. And, as I have recapitulated many times, the rewards of this wait are just indescribable.
Basically, St. Petersburg is the best port of call, by a long way. There is no city like it and the Carnival Splendor and, next year, Carnival Liberty will be your time machine. We will take you back to the days of the tsars and tsarinas and WWII when, under its old name of Leningrad, the city was under siege for two years and over a million people died………..mostly from starvation.
Then the remnants of the days of Lenin, Stalin and the one with the funny oil patch on his head will be up close and personal as the last throws of communism will be there for all to see.
This comes as you drive through the suburbs past the old cars and faceless grey buildings where some people still have to queue for a loaf of bread. You see, in Russia, there is no middle class………..it’s the haves and the have nots, although there seem to be a just as many haves these days. You can see them everywhere stepping out of their big Mercedes and Hummers under the watchful eyes of ex-KGB bodyguards who have tattoos of a bloody axe on their forehead.
Russians drive with a terrifyingly self-destructive ambition. All the cars are the same color, sprayed with a cement-grey, grimy antifreeze, and road filth. It’s as if the dirt were still staunchly communist — painting Mercedes, Ladas, Skodas and Range Rovers the same militant color-of-Mother-Russia muck.
It’s almost irresistible not to go back to the Russian doll thingy when describing the people……..you know…….the dolls-within-dolls, the tourist’s gift. In fact there are now only two dolls, a fat rich doll and a poor thin doll. Perhaps a third one: the rich doll’s bodyguard. The amount of cash washing round Russia is astronomical, inconceivable even. It’s divvied out among a tiny sliver of the population whose eye for the massively expensive are turning the country into Dubaiski.
The restaurants we use in St. Petersburg are actually quite funny. There are gaudier, with more camp and flash than Richard Simmons’ underpants.
The ship organized tours of seven or more hours will feature lunch in restaurants oozing with gold ornaments and massive sterling silver cutlery. You will be welcomed with a glass of vodka which you should drink in one shot…..not do so is considered rude. Then and still before any food is served you are given a glass of Russian champagne. Your guide will make a toast and again she will explain that Russian tradition states that you must drink this glass again….in one long gulp.
So you have had a shot of vodka and a huge glass of champagne all in five minutes. The reason they do this is because the food is crap………….and you will be so drunk that you won’t care that you are eating ratovan — a traditional Russian dish which as the names says……..is rat……..that has been run over……..by a van.
Of course, I am joking. The food is surprisingly excellent and will feature a local soup which is delicious and that’s followed by a big potato salad and either chicken or fish with lots of spice…….it’s superb and we have had nothing but excellent remarks on the tours food stops.
So, what tour should you take? What should you see?
Well, the Grand Tour is of course an option and one that 1,000 people take each and every time we come here. This is the best of everything and over the two days you will visit most of the major sites. This still allows time in the evening to take in an evening concert at Catherine Palace with dinner in Pushkin or our most popular tour ………sitting in the national theatre watching the very thin women and men with pieces of fruit shoved down the front of their tights…….or to give them their proper name……The St. Petersburg National Ballet Company perform……………Swan Lake…………it’s truly incomparable.
However you mix your tours you must see the top five which are:
1. THE HERMITAGE MUSEUM
2. CATHERINE PALACE
3. PETER AND PAUL FORTRESS
4. THE FOUNTAINS OF PETERHOF
5. THE CHURCH OF OUR SAVIOUR ON THE SPILLED BLOOD.
All of the above is what makes St. Petersburg a must on your bucket list. It’s another country, mostly living in another time, still struggling with itself to find its true identity. St. Petersburg is a living version of a Tom Clancy novel and I absolutely love it. The city is as intense as putting Ben-Gay on your private parts and the grayness is everywhere, even the stray dogs that nibble on the left over grey food……. are grey.
The air is sulfurous, thick and metallic. It pricks the eye and sours your throat. St. Petersburg though has power. Putin was born here and, as you walk around the buildings and palaces of yesterday, you can still feel the awesome power the country still has today. St. Petersburg is magnetic, mesmerizing and is a place anyone who visits …..will never forget.
Here are some photos of the Church of Our Savior on the Spilled Blood taken by Heidi today.
Here are some photos from Inside the Russian Museum
Rolls Royce Phantom, bit different to yesterday’s Yellow Lada
Wherever you walk though there are reminders of the “Cold War.” Men will try and sell you old Soviet clothing, coins, hats and caviar (which is actually rabbit droppings in oil) all from a time where war………….could have been just around the corner.
War is hell, of course, but think about this — jet planes were built not so you could go to Las Vegas for the weekend but because Germany needed a faster fighter.
Radar was developed not so you could land more safely at JFK but because we needed to find the submarines under the water and the planes who were about to drop the good news on good old London town. The world’s first electronic computer was built at Bletchley Park in the UK, not so some spotty youth could spend his afternoon shooting zombies, but to crack German codes
U-boat periscopes in the middle of the Atlantic. Almost everything we take for granted today came from war. And the war that gave us more than anything else was the 50-year standoff between Russia and America.
When Russia launched Sputnik 50 years ago, it was nothing more than a small radio, but the beeps it transmitted, when translated, told the listening world: “This is Russia and we’d like you all to know that our East German scientists are a hell of a lot better than America’s West German scientists.”
America said “bugger this” and set up NASA, found billions to finance it, and embarked on a program that would prove the Russians, er, right. Having been the first to orbit the world, they became the first to put a dog up there, and then a man.
The “space race” became what really ought to have been known as “the ego war.” And it was brilliant. Because, unlike in other wars, casualties were restricted to just 22 astronauts and 70 ground personnel, and the benefits to the rest of us were immense. As America’s German boffins struggled to outdo Russia’s German boffins, we got golf clubs made from metal that can remember what sort of shape it’s supposed to be.
And people with heart defects got a small vascular pump based on the fuel pumps used in the shuttle. We got the ability to track hurricanes, satellite navigation, live basketball matches played on the other side of the world, scratch-resistant lenses in our sunglasses, solar panels and flat-screen televisions. When a doctor takes your blood pressure, he uses a system devised by NASA for monitoring the heart rate of its first man in space, Alan Sheppard and the first dog in space ………German Sheppard.
And then the Russians decided to give up, so now it’s all gone wrong. NASA’s astronauts have stopped pushing the outside of the envelope and keep busy instead by getting drunk and trying to murder one another. Space is run by the infernal health-and-safety industry, which won’t let a brave young test pilot go up there if there’s even the slightest concern that he might not come back again. Space exploration is for the benefit only of shareholders, and programs are run and operated by the lowest bidders.
And I always think to myself: that’s brilliant. But where would we be if Russia and America were still at one another’s throats? Who knows, they might have come back with a cure for the common cold, a universal socket, and Eye Pod earpieces that don’t get all tangled up.
Well, as we know today’s relationship between Russia and America is similar to that of the Cold War…….lots of arguing…….lots of flag waiving and slamming of doors and, who knows, we may be heading for another chilly stand off. And while I don’t want this to happen, the one good thing would be that the space race would start again. It means we can go back to the good old days……………… It means we can go to the stars.
Maybe NASA will need more astronauts and history professors and I would like therefore to volunteer someone………..Captain Rude who is the perfect person to bugger off to explore Mars, Venus and be the first person to land on the planet named after him……………….Uranus.
пожелание доброй ночи
Your Friends
Johnov and Heidiov
Filed under: Destinations, Europe, Tales from the Ship, Travel | Tagged: Carnival Splendor, St. Petersberg
Ha Ha, thanks for the history, invention and space lesson, it goes to show that one can learn something every day. Safe cruising and a good night to you and Heidi also.
Wish of kind night ahhh!
I thought it was secret message insulting Mr . Rude or something. There must be a way of doing some kind of joke to Mr. Rude and get away with it. Think John. HA!
Really, someone mention that there should be a group of bloggers in each cruise to get back to this special passengers. That would be fun.
Nanni
What wonderful pictures, John. For some reason, I can’t believe that the religious artifacts survived the era of Communism. Perhaps they still exist because they are AMAZINGLY valuable. I suspect that to be the case…
We may well see another space race in the near future but I’m betting we’ll be competing against the Chinese… with the same results. It’ll take a bit of embarrassment for the US to buckle down and do what we do best.
For now… и спокойная ночь к вам, мой друг
All the best, my friend!!!
Host Mach
John,
I have to tell you that we were on the Grand Tour in St. Petersburg and our guide, Anna, was the best we had on any port. She was funny, taught us a little Russian for yes, no and I love you, and made sure we were always together. A lady from our bus fell at the Hermitage and was seriously hurt. Anna made sure all medical personnel that took care of her could speak English. She also made sure there was someone at the hospital that could speak English. The lady needed surgery and Anna called the hospital and checked on her. She also made sure we weren’t cheated on our money exchange for purchases. Maybe we were very lucky to have such a guide and I am sure most Russians are not like her. The ports were all amazing and unforgettable.
Your travel talks were so informative and accurate, but they always have been as far as I am concerned. There will always be someone on every cruise that has to find fault with something(s). Chalk it up to negative people and they usually don’t change.
The best to you both. Oh, we stayed on in London four days and I am totally in love with the area.
Sharon
I was going to suggest that Carnival NOT go to St. Petersburg next year but after reading further on, I guess that’s not such a good idea after all. I don’t understand though why the Russian people are so cold and unfriendly when everyone who visits brings in lots of revenue……but I guess that doesn’t matter.
By the way, the picture between the church chandelier and the people outside the church didn’t come through. What was it?
Cindy
Good evening John. After reading your blog this evening and seeing the beautiful photos from St. Petersburg, I still don’t understand the value of flying to Europe and having to deal with the cold weather and the cold attitude of the Russians. Maybe it’s just me. I find that if I’m going to spend my money, and I have just enough for my wife and I to go on a cruise once a year, I don’t want to deal with some of the problems that you have mentioned. The cruises from the Caribbean have been excellent. The cost of a cruise is very fair but unfortunately even the flight to Florida is getting costly but at least there is much enthusiam and warmth from the Caribbean. I’m not saying for people, not to go, I would never say that, but it’s not for me. Carnival has been very good for me on the cruises that have I had, and you’ve been very great towards me and my family. So, I’ll still be cruising but not in Europe. Sorry. Ciao.
Paul F. Pietrangelo
PS There are many islands to visit and enjoy before God takes me. I would still like to spend time with you. LOL.
Wow! I can hardly wait to get to St Petersburg! It seems to be a most amazing place! Thanks for sharing so much about it….looks gorgeous! And if people’s attitudes are a bit different…well…that’s what makes travel so interesting! And it sounds like you have immigration organized better now! Gloria
Brilliant blog today John. Love the pictures and perspective. I really want to to take the Liberty Cruise next year for our 20th Anniversary.
Cheers,
Brad Overton
Dear John I loved the pictures as always.It just amazes me the beauty that has been built under the veil of a dark and gray society.I would imagine these people in Russia have little to smile and be happy about.I imagine they are all envious of the people from other country’s visiting in such a smiling and happy disposition.As for myself I love the beauty of the architecture of the country.As we have seen after the cold war they were living in a cold Grey environment.It is a shame people can’t live in peace and harmony.Oh well off of my soap box. Best wishes to all Gary and Bug
Hi, I would like everyone to know that the “Evening at Catherine Palace” was fantastic. We were treated like royalty. I can’t say enough good things about the Baltic cruise. Yea we had some rain but who cares, we were on a Carnival cruise.
Jennifer
Hey John,
Thanks for the pictures, I always look forward to seeing them. Thanks also to Heidi for taking them. Love your blog thingy! You never fail to make me laugh & my British to English makes you even better!
Jan
God John These pictures are amazing I am planning the European circut in 2010 when Jordan graduates from HS but im thinking I may have to do it next year instead of cruising with James again I simply am finding it hard to wait that long Maybe I should do both in the same year what could be better???? Oh yeah, You and James on the same ship…(Sigh) doubt that will happen I will keep you informed when we make it to your neck of the woods… this summer or next but deffinately soon..Regards to you and Heidi
John…
You talk about the drab of the country and show us the utterly beautiful and colorful Russian Church!! The contrast!! The extremes!!! I remember East Germany and its drab and grey tones… White was a bright primary color in the scheme of it!!!
Yes, let’s send the dear Captain Rude to the planet of his origin… It should be a great LOOOONG trip!!
And speaking of cruises…
Приключение и ободрение на вашем следующем круизе
Don’t know a darn of what that says… but it sure does look pretty!!!
Lambie
John,
I have to agree with Sharon, our guide Maria was brilliant, her English was excelent and she was very warm and friendly throughout. The only time her sense of humour seemed to slip was when one of the guests on our trip (last time you were there) moaned for the 20th time that she was bored and wanted to leave the Hermitage (and frankly I was at the point of stabbing her myself by then).
Unfortunately we didn’t get to meet many of the locals besides the beautiful Maria so I cannot comment on them generally but those we did come across were pleasant enough.
I cannot believe that Paul F. Pietrangelo would consider not coming to Europe and seeing the incredible sights on offer just because it ain’t quite as easy as falling off the ship into the shops and back again in the Carribean.
By the way, surely you havent managed to go a whole 24 hours without a complaint from somebody that Russia is too Russian or something.
Joolz
John- Pls answer if you can and have time!
Has the cigar policy been changed, by any chance, on the Carnival Glory? We are going 10/25 and my husband really loves sitting in the jazz bar after dinner having a good cigar. And, I love having an after dinner drink…
When we sailed the Liberty last October, the Captain and some of his officers were in that jazz club enjoying a cigar, so I know we won’t be the only ones missing this!
Thanks for letting us know! And, thanks for all you and all the CDs do!!!
Hi John, we took a river cruise a few years ago and had a glorious time in St. Petersburg. We found our tour guides to be very friendly and they also had a sense of humor. We also found most of the people very open and friendly. I guess everyone has their own experiences, but ours could not have been better. I do agree about the traffic. There is nothing like it and if you ever go to Moscow it will blow your mind! The country seems to be very crowded and everyone wants to be on the road at the same time and it is extremely disorganized. I am sure this comes from all the years of having only public transportation and now everyone has a car of their own. Anyway, if not for the long flight we would LOVE to visit Russia again. It was a once in a lifetime experience and I encourage anyone to try it once.
The pictures are fabulous, I would love to know what kind of camera Hedi uses. I just hope my pictures come out 1/2 as good as hers.
Thanks for the history lesson. My Father (I call him something else but…) was born in Russia. His Mother was Russian so I have some Russian blood running though me and IMO that probably explains a lot about me. But I have never had a desire to go there until I saw the pictures of the Splendors first cruise there and now Hedi’s. Maybe one day I will get there. Since Carnival is going to be in Europe for a while, I really should take advantage of that.
Finishing packing today, leaving for London tomorrow and on your ship on Thursday. Getting very excited John, can not wait.
Keep smiling John. I truly am in awe of you and your talent.
dear John, having been on the Liberty with you, the blogs are better when you tell us what is going on on the ship
John,
I cruised with you on the Carnival Liberty 4/23/2006 Transatlantic. We are Booked on Carnival Freedom 11/06/2008 Transatlantic and was wondering if you are going to be our Cruise Director. If so I have a gift for you I will hand deliver it to you Thanks for all the FUN
Big Russ
Hi John, thanks for your candid review of St. Petersburg, I whole-heartedly agree, once past the steely eyed Immigration agents in the shack along side the ship we were treated to places, sights and sounds you have to visit to fully appreciate. As ‘bless1045′ stated previously we also had a terrific guide named Anna, maybe one in the same, she was (to borrow a word from you) brilliant. A caring and delightful experience she along with the restaurant servers and hostesses and tour bus drivers all made sure we enjoyed our experience. They were very hospitable and kudos’s to Carnival’s land based agent for choosing people who showed us all Russian’s are not cold and grey. Thanks to all the staffers who shared great photos throughout the Baltic season, pictures are wonderful and only surpassed by the firsthand experience visiting all these spectacular ports have to offer. Cheers.
John:
What awonderful blog about St. Petersburg. Heidi’s pictures were amazing. I don’t know how I will be able to wait the 353 days until we sail with you on the Liberty to the Baltic. As this is your last trip for this year, I am following every word and loving this experience. I just sent your blog to all my friends who will be traveling with me and Bob. Thanks again to you and Heidi.
Marie
John
Nothing to do with the blog, but have look at ShipParade’s ‘Photo of the Week’, here:
http://www.shipparade.com/sotw/Photo_of_the_Week.htm
This site (run purely for love by Bart de Boer) is one of my favourites for general cruise ship pictures, and he always has good pictures.
John,
Relaly looking forward to meeting you on the Splendor 9/11 Cruise at our Cruise Critic Meet & Greet! Thanks for making it happen for us. Hope you and Leslie can make it by because my mother and I are bringing you both a little something all the way from Kentucky.
See you on board!
Melissa
We were on the inaugural Splendor cruise. St. Petersburg was as you described. We also enjoyed the Russian custom of the wedding bridal party walking to the apex of the bridge near the Spilled Blood church and kissing. We witnessed at least 4 wedding parties over both days.
Carnival tours are great. I am upset that I may have to take additional cruises to see other tours. We did not have enough time to see all of the port tours.
DebDav
John:
I have two “you can’t make this stuff up” to add to your book. On the Ecstasy last week….
1. There was a woman passenger set up on the Promenade with a Tupperware trunk full of handmade earrings that she was trying to sell.
$10 for the small ones…$20 for the larger ones.
Guess that is one way to pay for your Sail and Sign balance!!
The next day, David was looking for our Embarkation picture and noticed a 5 year old taking random pictures out of the slots and putting them in the “we don’t want these” waste can. The parent was standing there watching them do it. David alerted the photo staff so they could stop him.
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
Hey, John,
Haven’t written lately, but have read the blog sporadically as we are driving around the USA and sometimes can’t get online. Plus, there’s so much to see and so little time in which to do it!
We’re currently in Cheyenne, Wyoming (just to spend the night…doesn’t seem to be much to do here), but we just came from Keystone, SD where I finally got to visit Mt. Rushmore. It was wonderfully awe-inspiring! Also drove through Custer State Park which is gorgeous, visited Deadwood (where our Old English Sheepdog, Niki was the star of the day…everyone we passed had to pet her, plus the #10 Saloon people gave her treats and let her roam through their establishment. Several of the businesses there let pets in. It was great!), panned for gold and toured the mine.
We’ve also visited Graceland in Memphis, and a place called 1880 Town near Sioux Falls, SD. We’re headed for the grand canyon which we’ve also never see (except from the air), and will also go to San Antonio and New Orleans (hurricanes allowing) with overnight stops along the way.
Anyway, it’s a trip we’ve talked about for ages and just finally decided to take off!! And we’re having a blast.
Sorry you’ve been dealing with some real jerks lately, but you’ve handled them in your usual super CD style!
I would also like to comment on your knowledge of US politics, history, sports, etc. Personally, I think you know more about our country than a lot of our citizens do. Think I mentioned once before sometimes you seem more American than British. Too bad you were talked out of the political fun and games…probably would have been highly energetic, but you may have had to throw some folks in the brig for real for fighting. Someone mentioned that we are kind of fierce when it comes to political points of view…and it’s true.
Give my regards to Heidi, her Mom and Aunt.
Your Pal, Myra
John–Amazing pictures, again, of Russia. 3 or my 4 grandparents immigrated from there. Hard to believe that was actually my roots. Strange you should mention the space race thing–my son just got a mixed breed from the local animal rescue–adorable LARGE black puppy–and came up with the name Mushka, after some research–the first Russian dog to orbit the earth!
Hi John/Heidi:
Great blog and I really enjoyed the pictures today. Thanks for posting them. I have started looking forward to the inclusions of these everyday b/c it almost resembles my own personal photo album.
Seeing all the wonderful things in St. Pete makes me wish that we had more than a couple of days to spend time there. Russia is one of those places that spending a week in a city doesn’t come anywhere near the actual time needed to truly immerse yourself into it.
Hope things are starting to warm up a bit for you.
Take care!
David
Hello from Texas, USA. We did have a safe trip home, in case you were wondering. We enjoyed our trip on Carnival Splendor. NICE. We enjoyed our excursions, souviners, etc. We loved the entertainment on the ship. Actually our favorites were the singing Matra’de (Ken) and his dancing waiters (Gabi and David), (Better than the some of the shows) Oops! We liked the piano man, Ron, too. Miss your morning show. We are back in hot, ole Texas. Had to change immediately into tank tops and shorts. Enjoy the cool weather. Susan
When we decided on another Carnival cruise–al the friends in our group wanted a Baltic Cruise. I did not want to go to Russia. I am very happy that I changed my mind. Visiting Russia was a wonderful experience. I talked my husband into going to the ballet. We were both very pleased with the production. We had some issues with our “partial view” seats but I spoke up and refused to allow them to sit us in these original seats–I guess that we must have shocked a Russian guide because she got up quickly and found us better seats. It was certainly an experience–I think that my husband was very concerned that we might be escorted out but it made for some lively conversation at dinner the next night. The tours in Russia were good and very worthwhile.
Thank you for the lovely pictures on this blog. I showed all my friends at work—
John, thank you for a very entertaining cruise–every morning we had breakfast (on sea days)–as you read your letters–my daughter’s wedding is quickly approaching–Oct 12th–she enjoyed the picture that you sent–thank you for all your kind words—hope to catch you again on another cruise
I have added it to my favourites, greetings. Many thanks