It’s 7:30 am and I am sitting in the back of a Mercedes E class heading to see the Carnival Dream. …..and if my driver is anything to go by, my dreams are already coming true …… she is hot!
Yep, normally I get Diego the driver who has the personality of a dead fish but today I have Gabriele. And who cares what her personality is like because she looks like she has come straight from the catwalk. ….oh yes ……..and for some bizarre reason, she has forgotten to put a skirt on and is wearing a belt instead……….the bottom of this blog thingy will say to please excuse the spelling mistakes because of the small keys on my raspberry …….but that’s bollocks ….it’s because of her ….well, you know.
OK, we are now on a road called the A4 heading to Trieste and we are doing 150 kmh. Gabby….as I call her…..has one hand on the wheel and the other is being used to express herself on the cell phone. “Hands free” means nothing here in Italy. It is illegal to use a cell phone while driving so they all have the speaker thingies in their cars. This is supposed to allow for the driver to have both hands on the wheel but this is Italy …… where it is impossible to talk without using your hands………therefore hands free means bugger all and Gabby is proving that now as her hands gyrate like the head of a King Cobra…….she is probably bollocking the person who stole her skirt……she might be mad at whoever forced her to wear the mini, mini skirt ……but I want to give that person a free cruise.
Last night was a beautiful clear night in Venice. It was quite cold and I saw many guests leaving with coats on, which was probably very wise. We had over 400 people who had booked our evening gondola ride and many others ventured ashore to experience Venice by night. For those who remained on board, we had lots of activities and events and the Seaside Theatre big screen was showing Casino Royale with the final sequence featuring Mr. Bond blowing up a palace on the Grand Canal.
I don’t know what happened to Brett and Simone but I am sure their perfect romantic night went well. Heidi and I stayed onboard and it was while I was getting ready to go to bed that I got a call from the pursers’ office who had extraordinary news. Do you remember the lady who wanted a different cabin because she was scared of the sea? Remember how she had said that after discovering we could not change her cabin that she was going to ask other guests to swap? Remember who I poured a whole bucket full of scorn over her and the idea? Well………she bloody well did it.
She persuaded people she had met at tonight’s open sitting dinner change cabins with her……….I was gobsmacked. Let’s put this into perspective. The guests are moving from a deck 8 cabin to a deck 2 cabin. OK, there cabin is an inside and they are getting a window so I guess they did ok and I guess it shows this lady really is scared of the sea………but to have the bravado of asking someone you just sat down to dinner with if they wouldn’t mind changing cabins ………and that couple saying “Yea, no problem, let’s finish our chocolate melting cake and we will go pack”………well, that’s just extraordinary.
I am going to try that the next time I am in a hotel and knock on the door of the penthouse to see if they wouldn’t mind swapping because I am scared of living in a place with just one room.
OK, it took me probably 10 minutes to write that part of the blog but Gabby is still not very happy with the poor sod on the other end of her Nokia. It’s normally about now that I should describe the view of the green and lush Italian countryside. The vines flush with grapes as the harvest continues. I should be telling you about the quaint farmhouses that look like they belong on a Thomas Kincade canvas. I should be telling you about how excited I am at seeing our leviathan the Carnival Dream……but I can’t…….I am human and the male variety at that …..and with Gabby driving the car………………. who cares
about a bunch of grapes?
Back soon
Your friends
John and Gabby
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
Once you see the dream tell us about it.
ffrom, JAKE S. ( :
dood! you are gonna’ be in the doghouse! keep your eyes on the blueberry! ha ha ha
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
John, I hope Heidi don’t read this blog all the way to the very bottom. Your on your way to the doghouse again and it wont be Gabby driving you there it will be Heidi’s new shoe planted in your rump.
You dummy what are you doing in the back seat. Your going to the doghouse so you may as well enjoy the view.
BIG ED
John…. where is your beautiful Heidi??? Did you leave her on the ship?
I can’t beleive that woman got someone to change cabins with her!!! I certainly wouldn’t have!!! In the first place I would have booked a room on a higher deck level to start with!
Now… quit looking at Gabby in her mini-mini skirt and start looking at the scenery and thinking about your gorgeous wife!
Hugs!
Princess Barb
PS…. Just found out yesterday, my youngest Grandson (13 months old) is going to be a big brother in a few months! You and Heidi better get going on your project. Then they can be playmates in Camp Carnval someday!
John, I think we need to get a pair of blinders for you…
Countess Carolyn
CANT WAIT to hear and see more about the Dream….will be on here soon!!
(also, Tell Gaby hi!)
Dave from Colorado
John, You DID get a picture of Gabby for us old farts.
BIG ED
Doghouse. Heck, you are headed for the outhouse if Heidi reads this blog.
Hey John:
I don’t know about you. With a beautiful wife like Heidi, why are you even looking at other women? And while we are on the subject why didn’t Heidi go with you? Can’t wait to hear all about the Dream, and I hope you get video as well as pictures! That’s why you needed to take Heidi with you to take the video!!!!!!! What were you thinking? Linda
Gabby is the type that will drop you like a hot potato–but drool on. I can’t believe that lady got someone to switch cabins with her–anything is possible. I might see if the people in the penthouse suite want to switch to and 8C on the Splendor ll-21 cruise…..
John,
WAKE UP! WAKE UP! You’re going to be late for your trip to visit the Dream. Diego is on the pier with his KIA waiting for you!!
Regards,
Kuki
CruiseMates.com <— doing my Heidi impersonation
Hi John
Glad to see you are well, love hearing all the stories, great to see the waste paper video again.
Hope the Dream is looking good, cant wait to see some pics.
Just wanted to say hi, missing you all.
Shall we come on the liberty next july? cant decide. really want to go on the Dream before it leaves and goes over to the US.
Michellex
John,,,John,,,John,,, what shall we do with U………….
Good evening John. Your blog including Gabby especially Gabby was a funny way of getting all of these bloggers thinking about Heidi and saying that you are going to be in the doghouse. I bet there really wasn’t a driver called Gabby with a mini skirt. I bet your driver was six feet tall, 250 lbs and zits on his face. One question I have of you. Why didn’t you take Heidi along so that she could also enjoy this knew Dream? You blew it my friend. Ciao.
Paul
Sounds like a wet Dream! HAHAHA!
Jeff
John – Be sure to send us some pictures of Gabby – along with the pictures of the ship, of course.
John,
Sounds like you are already seeing “the DREAM”–she is sitting in the front seat! And you, my friend, will be lucky if you can ever “sit” anywhere again as you will probably NEVER be able to remove Heidi’s high heeled pump from your bottom. Plus, she will probably also somehow manage to blind you! You are sooooooo BAD!!! I am sure this will be the first and last time that you will be allowed out in Venice alone! I hope you can remember to take some pictures that don’t contain drool of the real Dream!
Sheryl
John,
Isn’t it wonderful that your driver is almost as good looking as Hedi! She might be able to be Hedi’s MUCH older sister…(just trying to keep you out of the doghouse)
Hedi,
John only deserves bread and butter in the doghouse!
Princess Susan
Hi Stephanie! Hope your mom is getting along alright.
Dearest John:
How does the shoe in the rump fit?
Hugs to Heidi,
Duchess Sandy
John, has said beauty said anything to you or are you just using your imagination LOL?
Ah, you work so hard John, keep smiling but I do not think Heidi is going to be very happy reading your blog today.
John I am beginning to think that you get some kind of strange pleasure when Heidi banishes you to the doghouse. This time she might even lock you out of your cabin, or yeah, have the Captain leave without you. oh yeah…fix your butt…LOL !!( would you REALLY do that Heidi? haha!)
Ciao,
Sue
john, john, john
pictures say a thousand words no need to type on small keys just take a picture
This whole blog is a “dream”…Guests changing cabins, Gabby driving you to the bodacious ship…Fun!
Forgive him, Heidi. It’s all for our benefit!
Yours,
Kap
Hello, John from the Conquest!!
After a rather rocky start we are at sea and doing wonderfully well.
The staff and crew are fantastic, as always!!
Where’s the picture of Gabby’s belt??
Ciao!!!
Host Mach
John,
How wonderful!!! You get to have your dream before you see the DREAM!!! WONDERFUL!!!!
Gab sounds lovely and it sounds like her name is perfect!!! Talking without using one’s hands… just how is this done? I find I express myself with my hands, make points with my hands and I tend to touch while I’m talking!! I’m just that kind of gal…
As for belts vs. skirts… no, these over 50 year old legs are too polite to be in a micro-mini… I may do shorts and short skirts… but… well… ummmm… nope…
John, I loved seeing you in the Past Guest video on board the CONQUEST!!! I jumped right up and wanted to hug you!!! I KNOW YOU!!! I’VE TALKED TO YOU!!! WOO HOO!!! I know a STAR!!! A BLOODY, FAMOUS STAR!!!!!!
Thank you for welcoming me HOME!!! That’ exactly how I felt on the ship!!! HOME!!! Where my heart is!!!
THANK YOU!!!
Lambie
Hi John/Heidi:
That’s absolutely amazing. I can’t imagine switching cabins from somone who is on Verandah deck if I was on the Riviera deck. Absolutely amazing.
Sign her up for saleslady of the year.
Hope everything else is going ok. Take care!
David