And so it begins.

Guest: Mr. __________ Ref: 002804925A
Cabin: _______ Booking#: ________ Added-Changed: 09/23/08 – 09/24/08

CLOSET TOO SMALL

Mr. ________ was cutting the line and shouting in Russian. Purser asked guest to stop shouting and then went to the back office to ask Roxana to come and assist in Russian.

Guest stated that he was not happy with the cabin. Mr. _______stated that the closet of cabin was too small and there was no space to put the clothes he and his wife had brought. Guest demanded another cabin. It was explained to the Mr_______ that the ship was full and there were no other cabins available. Guest then started shouting again and took out a many $100 notes from his pocket and threw them onto the desk and said he would pay lots of money. Purser again explained that there were no other cabins available. Mr. _______ continued to be aggressive and Purser informed guest that if he continued she would call security. Mr_____ picked up the money and left using many bad words.

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Good Morning from Civitavecchia. It’s 5:45 am and we are just getting ready to start our debarkation process………….so while I wait for permission to start from the authorities, let’s talk about sex. Last night I had two hours worth of it and it was absolutely mind numbingly dreadful…………..and it’s all Heidi’s fault.

Now, before you start to panic and think I am about to describe my rumpy pumpy sessions……think again. First of there was a clue that this was not going to be the case …………and that clue were the words “two hours”………the only thing I can manage to do for two hours is eat, watch TV and blog.

Nope, my two hours of sex was a punishment for not paying enough attention to my wife and that she said I needed to step away from the computer ………………and watch a movie. “OK,” I said…………we haven’t watched one in months and as I took my place I had visions of explosions, car chases and an all action movie where the entire cast dies ……….. and so does the cameraman………yep, a Steven Van Damm Segal Stallonenegger movie would do me good.

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Guest: Ms ________Ref: 0029004616A
Cabin: ________ Booking#: _________ Added-Changed: 09/22/08 – 09/22/08

SCARED BY DRIVER.

Ms. _____ came to the purser’s desk today. Ms. _______ requested to speak to the cruise director or shore excursion manager. Purser asked what her concern was and guest said that they had been on the Pisa by Trolley Tour and the bus driver had driven so fast that she had been scared the whole time. Guest said the tour was excellent but the driver of Brown 2 bus should not be allowed to drive so fast. Purser apologized and said her comments would be passed to cruise director and shore ex manager. Tasked to shore ex.

Before I start………..and no, I am not making this up. We give the guests a colored number and sticker which refers to the bus they are on….have a look at the colour and number again of hers……..quite appropriate.
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There have been many very different comments to the notice that we are going to make the piano bar here on the Carnival Splendor non-smoking. Some have jumped for joy, some have said that they aren’t bothered, and some have been close to angry.

I will discuss this further, but it’s amazing isn’t it how different people have different reactions to one simple thing.

Let me give you an example. Prince William has recently landed a helicopter in his girlfriend Kate Middleton’s backyard. Oooh, there was a lot of complaining and writing of letters to newspapers by people with beards – why? The man’s a prince. All he did was borrow one of his grandmother’s helicopters to drop in on the on his girl who was obviously very impressed.

My mate Alan once rented a BMW for the day to guarantee himself some rumpy pumpy with a girl we nicknamed “crater face”…..imagine what old Will got when Kate saw him landing a bloody helicopter next to her rose bush……… by the way…. Alan got nothing.

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Professor Stephen Hawking knows almost as much as God – but ask him why women will spend a week’s wages on a pair of shoes or read Hello Magazine and watch the blank expression steal across his face.

I say this with the greatest respect but Heidi just walked in and told me she had been ashore in Barcelona today and bought a new pair of shoes……….that cost …………and you had better sit down here………………279 euros…………..that’s like…………ten billion dollars. Now, you would think for that price that they come with air conditioning and a satellite navigation system. Obviously the credit crunch means nothing and it’s not just Heidi………….it’s the world.

Do you remember the days when you rented a video for the evening and then sweated over the fine when you forgot to take it back? Now, everyday there’s a queue of people in Sam Goody spending $30 a pop on DVDs. You upgrade your phone when you don’t like the ring tone any more, and you buy disposable cameras like you used to buy disposable razors. There was always one thing though that made me chuckle when I was a Cruise Director in the Caribbean………………t-shirts that have a black and white print on them………….and that change to color when the sun comes out ………..and…………cost $25 a shirt.

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Good Morning

We start today with this letter.

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Michelle Asked:

Dear John,

My husband and I went on a 5 day western caribbean cruise aboard the inspiration from 6/30 – 7/5/08. We decided to get married on the beach in Cozumel , Mexico on our cruise. We were so excited to finally be married! We were happy to hear that we were going to have a Carnival photographer come along to capture our special day. Upon reviewing our photos the following day we decided that we just could not afford to purchase a photo package as it just wasn’t in our budget. (more…)

I’m tired.

I just finished a two and a half hour lunch with a group of people who spoke very little English and were determined to enjoy the hospitality of the ship.

Good Evening one and all. We have just left Malaga, Spain and after the usual plaque ceremony I hosted a lunch for various dignitaries and VIP’s……………..a two and a half hour lunch…………..in a suit………..and a tie…………and if you want to know the menu you could have just looked at my shirt because the jovial man next to me catapulted most of his French Onion Soup, Spinach salad and Gnocchi Al Pesto over me.

It was hard because most of the time they spoke Spanish with our multi-lingual Captain and I just sat there trying not to fall asleep while at the same time dodging bits of supersonic pasta. At one point I was so bored I even counted the number of peas on my plate…………56.
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Hello Everyone

Many thanks to all of you who wrote in and here is the latest news on Houston from our Senior Vice President Brendan Corrigan who is at the port.

He says:
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Sometimes, I think my job is nearly as difficult as being a door-to-door salesman …….selling doors. “Hello, would you like to buy a door….oh bugger, you already have one.” Anyway, there are moments when that job may be a welcome break. Here is one example why.

Guest: Mrs. _________ Ref: 002804459A
Cabin: _____ Booking#: ___________ Added-Changed: 09/16/08 – 09/16/08

WHY ARE WE PLAYING CHILDREN’S BINGO?

Purser received comment card from Mrs. Johnson. It read as follows,

“Bingo- Why are we playing children bingo? Why not play some that would let us play more than five numbers at a time? We are adults, play making. 1- M-N-K-X 2 eight pack, two four-pack – Don’t treat us as children. What you play… 5 year olds do. We are older than that. I have played three times and won nothing because the games are too simple. I demand a full refund of $30 as there is no chance to win. I expect this to be done today.

[9/16/2008 3:24:48 PM LEES]
Purser tasked cruise director, informing of the comments made. Letter thanking for comments sent to cabin.

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