Birthdays are crap.
Mine no longer tend to herald exciting parties and the greedy shredding of wrapping paper. They are now just mileposts that point the way toward the inexorable arrival of old age and incontinence.
Because I’m an increasingly maudlin fellow, I tend to treat other people’s “special days” in the same vein. And so it was that before the basketball game, which I shall refer to later, I went to a birthday party. The fiesta was for the daughter of a friend of mine who works for Princess Cruises and I went to help celebrate the birthday of his Princess who we all call “Cup Cake.”
I arrived to find everyone wearing funny little pointed hats and as I entered I was handed one to wear by a very pretty lady from Sweden……….at least I think she was Swedish ……..normally, I would have spoken to her to find out by trying the only Swedish I know which is “Jai Elsca Feesch” which means you smell of fish……….but I didn’t ……….. because I was too traumatized at the small pointed goblin like hat I had been given to wear. OK……..
I think Princess Cup Cake is a wonderful person, beautiful, intelligent and someone whom I hope my Thingy grows up to be…………..however my admiration for Cup Cake didn’t stretch as far as being forced to wear this hat………….personally, I would have rather sneak up on a sleeping lion and insert my finger it’s bottom than wear a goblin hat………..but as everyone else was………….so did I…………bugger.
It reminded me of old Christmas parties when I used to work in the UK. Then we were forced to wear stupid hats and drink cheap wine………….and it was the cheap wine that always got me in trouble. You sit opposite the ugly girl for 48 weeks and it never once occurs to you that she is interesting. So how come, after one warm wine, she only needs to put on a stupid party hat to become Jessica Simpson and before you know it you are having rumpy pumpy in the supply closet.
Now, I should also point out that Princess Cup Cake had a table full of presents ………. none of which were from me as I had been told about the party the same day. I was going to stop on the way to buy her something as I needed to go to Walgreens. However as I searched the isles I couldn’t find anything except some hemorrhoid cream or a neck brace and, since she is a young lady and therefore I am sure she is a pain in the arse and the neck, I was going to buy her both………….but I decided Bugger All may be the best gift ………..so that’s what I got her………………………..Happy Birthday Cup Cake.
And so ………the Miami Heat won. And it looked like they were having fun, as well. These chaps are extraordinary athletes and even from my reasonably priced seat I could see why players like Dwyane Wade are paid the big bucks. Dwyane has the most extraordinary demeanor on the court. He wanders around looking like he is thinking about his Mum’s recipe for Baked Alaska and couldn’t give a bugger about the game……and then suddenly he explodes like a sleeping lion who has just been poked in the bottom and he devours the opposition with speed and aggression….it’s a sight to see.
Then the Miami Heat has a very young group of players all of whom are being paid millions of dollars. It must be so hard for them to suddenly find themselves rolling in huge dollops of cash and even harder to concentrate on the game and not think about which Bentley you are going to buy and how you can completely ruin the car by putting chrome spinners on it.
Sport is as much about mental attitude as talent, and it’s hard to get your head in gear and listen to the coach tell you he wants a picking and rolling thingy when you are faced with a sea of beautiful Miami Heat dancers. Anyway, last night they had fun and played like they weren’t going to be paid unless they won………I had a brilliant time.
Here is a quick update from Jaime as they begin their five sea days before reaching St. Martin.
November 5, 2008
Dear John,
This is it! Today was the last morning that we had in our European tour season. It was a long and challenging itinerary but our ship, our staff, and our guests have been so fortunate to see so many history filled, architecturally enriching, and simply stunning ports. Over the past 5 months, I have done more traveling than some do in a lifetime, visiting over 40 different ports of call.
For our last day in Europe, we visited the wonderful island of Madeira. On the pier we were greeted with traditional Portuguese dancing and music, by men with colorful and certainly distinctive hats. These hats were hunter green in color and I could not decide if they looked more like Peter Pan or Papa Smurf, in the end I decided that these dancers definitely could have been related to any one of the Teletubbies.
There are so many options of excursions and fun-filled adventures to undertake in this beautiful port. Such choices include tobogganing down the road with little men pushing you (hopefully wearing the hats!), taking a cable car up the side of the mountain, and even a helicopter ride to see an overview of the island. With all of these fabulous possibilities for exploration, I decided on the most reasonable method of investigation: to take a walk around and take pictures to share with bloggers! This port reminds me of Dubrovnik, the orange roofs and mountainous terrain was beautiful.
Upon first inspection of this breathtaking port, I realized that this Portuguese area offered the traditional meals served at the exotic locations — all contained within Pizza Hut and McDonalds. Also, today was the last chance to see the European clothing styles at Zara and Mango. It was slightly disorienting that the clothing stores were selling winter wear, yet this November day was sunny and 75 degrees Fahrenheit. Michigan seems slightly less appealing after having such beautiful weather all day!
Walking around with Lawrence and his Obama hat, many of the locals commented and cheered as he passed by, many acted as if they were in support of the newly elected American president. One person approached us and tried to express that they had been following the election. But unfortunately, her English wasn’t their first language so I wasn’t sure exactly what they were saying. All of the local magazines and newspapers covered this worldwide story. It is interesting just how many foreigners stay updated on the American political system.
As we begin our trans-Atlantic journey, the team is planning and scheduling activities and events for the five consecutive sea days that face us. Goose and the team have several new ideas for evening activities and fun events to keep everyone in good spirits during the days to come.
I am working on talking to many department heads about just what they have been doing to plan for all of the consecutive sea days. So look for that in the days to come.
The Coast Line in MadeiraHave a wonderful day =)
Smooth sailing,
Jaime
I was talking with a mate yesterday about the continuing gloom and doom that the media tell us about during our breakfast of toast, orange juice and credit crunch. And honestly …….I think they are over stating this just a bit. This isn’t some disaster movie about a virus spread by monkey poo. It’s a little dollop of recession, a downturn, a correction of a kind and it does not require that we all go around under looking for ways to kill ourselves.
It does not mean we have to cancel all parties and talk in hushed credit-crunch tones. It doesn’t mean we have to line our rooms with newspaper, get in the fetal position and live on barbecued dog. In fact, it means the opposite.
I am not suggesting that those in debt should add to their problems by trying to double up on their credit cards and taking loans from a man called Gino “The Bull” Gravano who will break your legs with a baseball bat if you don’t pay the interest back on time.
I am thinking more of the people out there who still have money. There are quite a few. There are the hedge fund boys who have made a mint by shorting the banks, and then there are all the knuckle-cracking receivers who will do well from the coming bankruptcies. There are the oilmen, still awash with profits after the recent price spikes.
Whom does it help if they keep it in their Luxembourg bank accounts?…………..nobody. So get your arse in gear and book yourself on the Seabourn Odyssey or the Queen Mary 2 ……….doing this will show the doom mongers at CNBC that all is well.
And then there are people like me and you………….who are probably all exhausted from watching Oprah Winfrey weep as she welcomes the next president. The election process is over…………..who knows what the future holds? Has there ever been a better time to experience fun? Do you know that 52 million people in the United States did not use up all their vacation days in 2007………….that’s over 1 million vacation days unused. Are these people nuts? Was it you?
Well, all I can say is this: Call Carnival or your travel agent and lets celebrate the start of a new era of government with a cruise……………there really has never been a better time to experience the fun that Carnival brings to us all.
Sorry to make this a short blog but I have to run (well, walk quickly) and head off to the Ruby Princess. Unfortunately, my plans to sail have been changed as I have to come back for more meetings on Friday and Saturday…………bugger.
However, I will be spending a few hours onboard and taking my camera with me so look out for a Ruby princess blog tomorrow. By the way, during the game last night they showed our Carnival towel animal puppet movies………have you seen them yet………if not have a look at www.carnival.com/funville
Please excuse me as I have to get going…by the way. I was just thinking about the Miami Heat dancers again and that reminded me…..are air bags in the car dangerous for the Thingy ?
Cheers
Your friend
John
Filed under: Destinations, Europe, Tales from the Ship, Travel | Tagged: Carnival Splendor, Jaime's post, Madeira, Miami Heat
John:
Airbags are designed to protect a 6′2″ 250 pound person…so yes, that much force should be kept away from your Wee One.
Middle of the back set is where our precious ones rode….usually with Dad driving and me riding in the back with them.
I had to laugh when you talked about sports guys and all the money they make. True Story…a friend of mine played for the Miami Dolphins for years.
(a LONG time ago)….and one of the new recruits got a $100,000 signing bonus (big money 25 years ago). This guy went to buy a fancy $50,000 sports car….handed the dealership the $100,000 check and expected them to give him CHANGE in cash.
You can’t make this stuff up!!!
JAIME:
Sounds like you have had a wonderful past few months. We look forward to seeing on Nov. 15th to continue the FUN on our B2B!!!!
Linda (Mom of DJ)
Hi John,
Speaking of the Blogger’s cruise, any more updates? I was thinking final paymant was coming due, but it looks like not until December. Whew!
That’s good, because I have to pay for the Splendor SA second leg cruise this month. Ouch.
Actually the killer is going to be doing the Blogger’s cruise (with a couple days of New Orleans food before), a couple of days of New Orleans food after, and then flying to South America to board Splendor.
Heck, I if can do it, you should be able to. Your bag will already be packed! I’m not sure my snorkel gear will get lots of use in SA, but perhaps for the lifeboat drill.
Blogging ‘Round the Horn! Why not?
Regards,
bill
Wonderful Blog John! Couldn’t agree more about the doom and gloom that the media is going on about. Now is a great time to get away from it all and book a Carnival Cruise! Matter of fact a lady in my office just got off the Fantasy out of New Orleans; she had nothing but good things to say about “Tex” the Cruise Director. After reading your blog I was so inspired I sent out an email blast to 48 of my clients who work at the FAA Center in OKC to remind them that it was Military Appreciation month and now was a great time to book a Carnival Cruise. I then got a hold of my GalPalVal and told her that we needed to take a cruise, now if I can just find me a 5 day cruise with a balcony I will be in cruise heaven. Love the comments and pics from Jaime. Love the blog. Congrats on the “thingy”. You ROCK!
Hi John/Heidi/Thingy!
Good afternoon from dreary Chicago as I am here for business today. Please enjoy some of that golden Florida sunshine for me.
Glad you had fun at the game after going to the birthday party last night. Maybe one day you will be able to enjoy NBA basketball in London.
The economy definitely has some major issues and I hope that CCL is able to weather the storm with few issues.
Nice hearing from Jaime. She is going to have a busy few days ahead, so good luck to her.
Enjoy your day on the Ruby and I look forward to hearing more.
Take care and have fun!
David
Yes John the air bags in cars are dangerous for the wee little one. He/she or both, should it happen to be twins..snicker…. should always be in a car seat in the BACK SEAT of your car. It should never under any circumstances be in the front seat. When it is tiny the car seat should be facing the rear of the car. So you will soon find that Heidi will no longer sit in the front seat with you, but will be sitting in the back seat with the wee little one. That will make her the perfect back seat driver . lol
Then in about 15 years, he/she will be in the drivers seat, while you pray, learning to drive a car and you’ll wish he/she was still in a car seat in the back facing to the rear of the car.
Countess Carolyn…….. been there done that….
John, all Thingys must be in a car seat in the rear seat of any vehicle so that airbags do not hurt them. Glad you had a good time at the game.
I am looking forward to your comments and pictures of the Ruby Princess as it has been a while since I have done a Princess cruise. Sorry you won’t get to cruise–its more fun that being stuck in a meeting isn’t it?
Beautiful pictures from Jaime again and 5 straight see days now will be fun and it seems a new experience for her. We are all anxious to hear about Goose as well.
The only birthdays I celebrate anymore are never mine–only my grandkids who are calling me daily when they get home from school to tell me how many more days are left until we cruise the Splendor. They know how to get on the website and it tells them–15!
Hey John, Heidi, Jaime amd Thingy 2
Hope all is well.
John Have been enjoying all your latest Blogs very funny and enjoy hearing your stories.
All the best to you Heidi and Thingy 2.
Jaime (John / Jaime Please Reply)
I was wondering if you will be on the Splendor in Dec? I am sailing with my family on the Dec 12th Cruise. If you are aboard I would like to meet you and hear about your adventures.
Have a great day.
James from Georgetown ON, Canada
Hey John! Another great blog! No, airbags and wee ones do not mingle well. In Canada, little ones are legally to be in a seat or booster (when too big for the seat) until they reach one of three benchmarks. Last time I checked, little ones must be taller than 4 feet, over 80 lbs or over the age of 8. And the back seat of your big black beast is the best place for mini Heald.
Just visited Funville the name is indeed justified! What a hoot! Love the towel videos! And goofing around with the beachball is great mindless fun! Couldn’t get over 15 though, so will have to practice! haha!
Too bad that you won’t get to sail on the Solstice. I was invited as an agent but already had my plans for the Glory next weekend set (YAY!). A few of the other agents here are going so I’ve made them promise to take a million and one photos! Can’t wait to see!
Have great day John!
Cheers!
Dot
Elska, fish? Lol It means I love you in swedish, I say thay everymorning to my mom, not that I want to ( :
Thanks for the e-mail. An inerview whith a captain is the BEST thing in the world!!!
Her are the questions,
as you may notice i’m not a good speller.
Hi John:
The airbag with seatbelts is never as bad as the crash. That said, at present, Heald the Younger is in a particularly safe place. Floating in a warm sea. Different deal after HtY is born, there are precautions to be taken at that stage. Wise to be driving a vehicle with substance.
In my line of work I get comments like, “bugger, the airbag went off.” Or, “bugger, the airbag didn’t go off.” Airbags save lives, and reduce injury, period. The circumstances determine the deployment.
I saw a video of an Audi A8 in Merry Olde England completely ripped in half from hitting a tree. The front end and the back end were next to each other. The way you knew it was one car was the license numbers matched. The airbags were draped all over, and the driver was standing there saying, “Bugger, the airbags went off.”
I made up the bugger part in your honor John.
Must admit, I don’t know how to fit the arse into the story very well. I did see a public ad this morning for pills that would cleanse the walls of your colon and take 15 to 20 or more pounds off quick. Completely natural. No more Bloated Feeling.
I recollect the company that sells it had a cruise with you once and this advertisement made me think of you. Hard to be yourself when you are losing 20 to 25 pounds off of the walls of your colon. Especially if you have a cough.
So, ask precious Heidi to always buckle up, don’t ride with her feet on the dash over the airbag (think about that for a while John, I have seen young ladies riding along that way, very bad), and be careful out there, it can all change in an instant.
Try to stay away from the dark side, you will be back in Heidi’s loving embrace before you know it.
Too bad you are not going on the Princess, I was going to ask you if they still had smoked salmon (lox), onions and capers on the breakfast buffet. Yum Yum. Maybe you could get this for the bloggers cruise in February, if you do, I will buy you a T shirt. What size works best? I sent back the lederhosen we were going to wear in Warnemunde at the deck party.
Cheers Mate
John, please reply.
We are leaving sailing on the Valor on 11/23. Can you tell me who the cruise director will be?
Thanks,
Lisa and George Kilmartin
John if you are talking about the seat belt hurting the baby while Heidi is pregnant.
Please read this
Pregnant Women
Approximately 3400 fetal deaths are caused by motor vehicle accidents each year. Pregnant women can reduce the risk of fetal death due to airbag deployment by observing these simple precautions:
– The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration recommends that pregnant women wear safety belts. The shoulder belt should be positioned over the collar bone. The lap belt should be positioned under the abdomen as low as possible on the hips and across the upper thighs. The lap belt should never be placed above the abdomen.
– Pregnant women should sit as far back from the airbag as possible. Safety experts recommend that pregnant women who drive move the seat back as far as possible while still allowing for safe operation of the pedals. The objective is to make sure there is as much room as possible between the abdomen and the steering wheel and airbag.
– In the later stages of pregnancy, some women may find it impossible to position the abdomen away from the steering wheel. In such circumstances, airbags do increase the risk of fetal injury.However, there is a risk even without the airbag because of the proximity to the steering wheel.
Finally, use your common sense. When in doubt, get someone else to drive.
Countess Carolyn
John Can’t wait for pictures of the Ruby
I stand correct my mother says, you are correct whith “I love fish”*
from, JAKE S. ( :
One more person telling you…keep thingy away from the airbags. Backseat middle is the place to be, turned backwards for about a year. Since thingy will be turned backwards you’ll be able to buy a mirror gadget that will attach to the car so you can see thingy at all times. By having the mirror, Heidi can stay in the front seat with you.
I’m looking forward to the pics of the Ruby Princess.
John please reply urgent
I wouldn’t have bothered you with this except I couldn’t find link for web page feedback (and you really should have one!!). As a proud speaker of the Queen’s English, something about the following statement from the Funville.com page just didn’t seem right. What do you think?
Start Booking Now
Ask the Fun Experts
Build the funnest cruise ever.
Book it all online.
By the way, the baby seat goes in the center of the back seat facing the rear of the vehicle. The center seat belt runs through the base of the car seat. In addition, there is a restraint strap that attaches to the top of the car seat and runs towards the rear of the vehicle. Most new cars have an anchor point (sometimes two!) in the rear deck that the other end of the strap attaches to. If you’ve got a Range Rover or some other SUV thingy, you’ll have to ask your dealer where the anchor point is. I’m sure that your vehicle will have one if it’s less than twenty years old.
My youngest thingy no longer needs to ride in a car seat. He’s 6′ 5″.
Have a great day!!
John (“Please reply”) . . .
Hey John, I’ve enjoyed reading your blog on a daily basis. And, believe it or not, you’ve inspired me to do two things:
Firstly, (for you Brits who like words like “firstly” instead of “first”) you inspired me to start blogging over a year ago! Blogging about living in Panama and cruising has been a great discovery. I’ve enjoyed it and hopefully my readers have as well.
Second, you’ve inspired me to go to sea as a second, “post-retirement” career! Holland America is putting an “Explorations Team” on board its ships including a “Travel Guide” who will host lectures and be a one-stop source for information on the various ports of call. Reading about your adventures and the challenges of living and working on board ship has inspired me . . . and starting this weekend I will be the Travel Guide for the ZUIDERDAM!
I hope in your tour of Carnival family ships you will come and visit us on the ZUIDERDAM! So thanks to you, and your “bloggy thing” for opening new adventures.
Regards, Richard
Hello James =)
I sign off the Splendor on November 29th, but I am sure you will love the rest of the team: Lauren, Owen, Adele and Kevin.. I am sure they will look out for ya =)
::smiles::
Jaime
John,
People are crazy for letting their vacation days go to waste. If I know I’m going to lose some vacation days, I will make sure that I use it in time. Even if it means to spend a whole day at home just relaxing.
Thanks for another great story from Jaime. Hope everything goes great during the TA. All the best!
I saw the Ruby’s webcam today. Never realized it was there until today. I look forward to the photos!
Have a great weekend!
Cheers,
Alex G.
Look you are going to be a dad soon so birthdays are very important then !!!!
Jamie – please reply
I love how you write.. Im jealous you got to spend so much time in Europe.. One day Ill get out there again.. Plus all the pictures you take a fantastic.. which brings me to my question.. what kind of camera do you use? I just lost my camera, it wasnt that great, but I miss having a camera and was thinking about getting a new one soon – hopefully before Christmas! Please let me know, I would really appreciate it!
Your fellow (shoreside!) CCL coworker,
Vanessa
John, are you nuts? Giving up a couple of days sailing on the Ruby Princess for some stuffy old meetings in Miami. Give me a break. You need to tell those people to get their priorities in order. Better yet, take them with you on the Rudy Princess!!!!