Just before I start venting let me start by saying Good Morning less I forget to do so later…………………”Good Morning.”
Well it’s going to be quite a day. I have to pack……..or…….as I like to call it “throwing everything into a suitcase and then sitting my buxom bottom on it to make sure it closes.”…………..Heidi would not be happy. Then I will have to check out of the hotel.
This has been my home for the last month and I shall miss it………………..like a bleeding hemorrhoid. It’s not a bad hotel………in fact it’s very good and I have come to know the staff all of whom call me “Mr. John” and are very pleasant. However, I am tired of having to pay $5.95 for them to wash one pair of underwear ……I don’t even pay $5.95 for a pair of underwear.
I shall also not miss the lonely nights or the fact that if I am thirsty I have to summon up all my strength and open the Arc of the Covenant or the mini bar as it’s known and pay $5 for a miniscule bottle of water……….$5………that is absolutely bonkers ………..that’s only 95 cents away from being able to have your underwear washed.
Then it’s on to the airport for yet another flight……………….oh joy.
Anyway, before we get into today’s topic I wanted to tell you about something you can expect to see across the fleet immediately. Your cruise director and the entertainment staff will be hosting daily events called “Just For The Fun Of It.”………….”What’s that?” I hear you cry. Well, each and every day you will see the staff do sudden and random acts of kindness……….like…………appearing at your dinner table with a bottle of champagne …….. why?………….Just For The Fun Of It…………..decorating your cabin ……….. why? ………..Just For The Fun Of It…..moving you from the back row of the theatre to the front row reserved seat…………why………….Just For The Fun Of It.
Those are just a few examples of what will be happening…………….let me know if any of you are lucky enough to be involved. It’s going to be great.
Thank you for all your kind words of support and words of kindness. I will answer all the outstanding comments next week I promise but thank you for taking the time to write and I will reply soon.
A year and a half ago I wrote my first blog thingy. And I am proud to say that we have started a bit of a phenomanan……phenaonmernan…..phernomanon……a brilliant thing.
Now our sister companies have all started their own blogs and rather than you have to go googling I had an idea to put all the blogs on one page……and thanks to a chap called Bill at Carnival Corp that idea is now reality. Carnival, Costa, Holland America, Princess, AIDA, Seabourn, Cunard and P & O are the best cruise lines at sea. Each has their own individual style and identity ……and so do their blogs. I hope you will all take the time to make regular visits to the site and I hope the Internet people with beards at each company take the time to add link thingy’s to their web sites. I am sure that Cruise Critic and Cruise mates will all be writing about this brilliant site.
So, it is with honour and pride that I ask you to visit www.bestblogsatsea.com.
I wanted to call it www.lotsofthingies.john…….but was told to bugger off.
OK, it’s time to start packing and head for the airport……………..but first it’s time to vent.
Feeling sympathetic toward my lonely nights in the hotel, Roger Blum and his wife Marie invited me to see the new James Bond movie with them last night. So armed with my medium sized Diet Coke which was as huge as the lady who served it to me and with my nachos and cheese sauce ready to be munched on I sat down to see everyone’s favorite action hero.
I will give you my opinion on the movie later but first I want to talk about Bond Girls. You would think that having the part of a James Bond girl would be a career launch pad more explosive and powerful than my bottom after I have eaten a huge plate of baked beans.
Nope.
Have you heard, for instance, of Olga Kurylenko?
Well, since she’s the Bond girl in the new 007 movie Quantum of Solace, her name will be in all the papers for the next few weeks and then, if history repeats itself, she’ll bugger off and never be heard of again.
I mean it. Twenty-two actresses have slipped out of 007’s bed over the years but the number who has gone on be mega stars can be counted on the hand of an Iranian shoplifter.
Let’s start at the beginning with Dr. No and Ursula Andress, who stepped out of the sea and straight into a million men’s fantasies. The bikini. The knife. The hair. I was only nine when I saw that movie but when I saw her stunning body rise out of the sea……. It has been burned in my brain forever.
You’d imagine that having made such an impact, Ms Andress would go on to become the next hot thing. OK………..name a hit movie she was in……………..no Googling allowed …….. nope………….you can’t can you?
Next we got Daniela Bianchi, who cropped up as a sexy secretary in From Russia with Love. And then what? Does she work at Home Depot or did she marry the King of Botswana? Nobody knows.
Yes, Diana Rigg bucked the trend after On Her Majesty’s Secret Service and the same, I suppose, could be said of Honor Blackman, who played Pussy Galore in Goldfinger.
But this, I’m afraid, simply encouraged a million more girls to try for the role. Only to find their 15 minutes of fame lasted for less than 12.
Maryam D’Abo, Carey Lowell, Talisa Soto, Izabella Scorupco. They arrived. They screamed a lot. They had some rumpy pumpy. And for all I know they’re now working in Publix.
So what is it then that causes the Curse Of The Bond Girl?
Maybe it’s because in the early days, when the role was being set in stone, most of them stood around looking scared while Bond dodged the steel hat or fought the tall man with lumps of steel in his mouth.
They never picked up a gun and helped out. So we got the impression they were a bit thick……………all breasts and legs and nothing upstairs.
Certainly, in those days, they were cast for their looks rather than any ability to act, speak or operate a Walther PPK.
And by the time women’s liberation arrived on the set and Mr. M became Mrs. M-ess, it was already too late.
So, what of this new Bond movie……….well let me start by saying that if you loved the Bourne series (Bourne Identity, etc. etc.) then you will love this movie………….if though you are a Bond fan then ……….maybe ………like me……….you will think this movie is the biggest piece of crap since Eddie the Elephant was constipated for three weeks and finally had a bowl movement.
Yes, the action sequences are clever and yes, Daniel Craig, is I guess handsome and brooding but I want my Bond back. He was what every man is inspired to be………but not any more.
In the previous movie Casino Royale Bond fell in love……in love…….what a load of bollocks and the move began with James explaining how much he loved Vespa his girlfriend played by…….ummmmm….see……I have no idea. This is not what Bond should be saying.
The movie should have started with a bit of random killing before we find Bond in bed with a girl who he had met a few minutes earlier. Hearing his Omega watch go beep which meant his Queen and country needed him he would haul himself from under the sheets, look at the long-legged beauty with no name and say, “My darling. You were spiffing last night. But I am a James Bond and I must go now because I have to blow up an oil rig before returning to have rumpy pumpy with your sister.”
But not in this movie. And there was so much more missing. Bond is all about gadgets, explosions, wisecracks and improbably large men who’ve had their hands replaced with a hook.
Let’s start with the car chases. The movie started with Bond in Italy…………….and what a load of bollocks it was. Firstly, Bond was in an Aston Martin DBS………….it has a V12 engine and a top speed of 200 mph. The villains were in an Alfa Romeo 157. That’s a V6 with a top speed of 120mph………….and Bond………couldn’t lose them on a straight road ……………….bollocks yet again.
Now, normally, this wouldn’t matter because James would press a button and Hellfire missiles would shoot out of the exhaust pipe. He would also have a machine gun in the front and the back and if things got really tough he could turn the car into a submarine or as in a previous Bond movie………….flick a switch and turn the car invisible. ……………… in this movie, he had bugger all gadgets and weaponry in the car ………… nothing …………. except a CD player.
In fact there were no gadgets…………none. I want the pen that can blow up a tank …………I want the shoe that can make cappuccino……………and I want one of those watches that using magnetism can unzip Pussy Galore’s dress without even touching her.
Then there was Rumpy Pumpy………….the center piece of all Bond movies. Sean, Roger, Pierce and the other two all had Rumpy Pumpy on tap…………..in this movie Daniel Craig had it once…………once…………well based on that I guess I have a chance to play Bond.
He never said, “The names Bond……………..James Bond.”
He flew on Virgin Airways where according to the movie he discovers his favorite drink ……….Vodka Martini ……….shaken………not stirred…………………….NO! ………..Bond discovered this in Harry’s Bar in Venice or the Savoy hotel in London…………….it wasn’t invented by a slightly limp-wristed flight attendant called Quentin.
But the one thing that got on my nerves more than anything…………….the one thing that as a true Bond fan made me want to weep…………..was that through out the movie Bond was disheveled, look tired and was cut and bruised and bleeding.
Wrong wrong wrong. Bond cannot be damaged. Even if he were to fall out of a hot-air balloon and into the spinning blades of a helicopter he should emerge with nothing more than a slightly disarranged tie knot.
I want my Bond back………………….I give this movie two thumbs down.
Time to pack and I will write a goodnight blog from my raspberry on the plane.
Goodnight
Your friend
Heald………………….John Heald
Filed under: Europe, Tales from the Ship, Travel | Tagged: Best Blogs at Sea, James Bond
Good Evening Mr Heald!!
I haven’t seen the movie yet. I’m going to see it on Wednesday although I can’t hide the fact that I’m more excited to see the movie Twilight on Thursday. Just for the fun of it…. Love love the idea….
Again personal touch…. good very good.
Have a good flight!!
Nanni
Dear John, you are so spot on. Bring Sean out of retirement or tell Pierce to stop making dumb movies and get back in the “Bond” business. By the way I think the most notable “Bond” girl was Jane Seymour, still a beauty. Have a good flight. Be safe.
Please reply
Carnival’s best unofficial welcoming committee…… Nanni. But we have never been to Dominican Republic either. Is there any special tour that you would recommend? Of course with the pain and problems with my feet it can’t involve very much walking. We may take the wheelchair though.
Hi John,
Just thirteen days to go until we board the Carnival Splendor, along with Gloria aka Sue and Larry. This is our first trip to San Juan, but we will have our own personal guide
Well maybe, I’ll be able to email you and let you know that we were recipients of Just for the Fun of it while we are on the Carnival Splendor.
When it comes to Bond movies, you are absolutely right. I can not name one actress in any of the Bond movies. Ursula Andress is the only name that sounds familiar and I could not have said, Oh I remember her, she was in a James Bond movie…..
I’m so happy for you now that you are on your way towards home. I know how much you and Heidi have missed each other. I’m sure it has seemed even longer than it was.Hopefully you will get to go see the sweet little wee one when Heidi goes back to the doctor.
Countess Carolyn
PS I meant to tell you to be careful with those watermelons. they may be a little tender or down right sore.
John, $5.95 to wash your underwear is cheap. Just think of all the extra it cost them. Your maid will most likely be on medical leave for months for picking them up. Hazmat was most likely called in to the laundry room. The washer and dryer are probably distroyed. On top of that your room well have to be sealed for years.
Now as to the $5.00 water. In most motels I stay in there are thse silver looking things is the bathroom that when you turn them on water comes out for free. But in your hotels they my be gold. Oh you want your water colder. Well down the hall is an ice machine with all the frozen cold water you want. Fill the gold bucket in your hotel room with this frozen water at night and as it melts you have nice cold water to drink.
I sure hope you didn’t pay $7.00 for a diet coke if water was $5.00. You keep charging all this on your Carnival Card and Carnival will be asking for a bail out form Obama.
BIG ED
Hi John!
Thanks for the movie review. I can now wait for it to come on cable.
You mention how those Bond girls have gone on to not much. I don’t see that trend ending anytime soon.
It would be nice if the entertainment staff upgraded my cabin to a suite ‘just for the fun of it’.
Have a safe flight to Boston.
Thanks for posting and take care.
Hi Heidi and Desk.
Have fun!
David
Why they ever let Pierce Brosnan go is beyond me. He was all the best Bond qualities rolled into one. He could have done at least three more.
Jeff
Sorry about the movie but I haven’t seen one since Pussy Galore so that should tell you what a fan I am.
Hope your flight is uneventful and you get some sleep tonight.
Godspeed and enjoy your time with Heidi, Family, and the Holidays!
John & Susan from Frisco!
Look forward to the Bloggers cruise!!
I agree with Maria about Jane Seymour – “Live and Let Die” is my husband’s favorite Bond movie (even though he thinks Sean Connery was a much better Bond than Roger Moore). Jane has had a much more successful career than her namesake, Henry VIII’s third wife.
Well John
You really know your Bond.
My first bond movie was Thunder bolt,I can not remember how young I was but I do know my 47th birthday just past.
Your right though.Bond then and now has changed and not for the true Bond Fan’s.
They should film a Bond scene on the Dream maybe him entering the cigar bar and asking for his famous martini shaken not stired,thank you.
Talk about fun for all that would be fun! Possible even the Carnival Ambasador Greeting him.
My hope is you have a safe jouney the next few days and quikly return home to enjoy some time with Heidi.
All the Best
Ray Czenszak
JOHN – - PLEASE REPLY
Is there any possibility that you will be the CD on either the October 3 or the October 15 sailing of Carnival Dream?
Thanks!
hehe – I had to chuckle at you complaining about paying $5 for getting underwear washed or for a bottle of water – you realise that’s not far off what Carnival charges for the same stuff, right?
It’s standard supply and demand hospitality industry profiteering! My brother is a director of a chain of luxury resorts/hotels and he is equally shocked by the prices of stuff because he is used to getting everything comped – now you could go back to Carnival and say ‘dudes, they pay £2000 for a cabin, maybe we could chuck in a bottle of water for free?’
John, I’m with you–bring back Pussy Galore. I’ve been w/ James since from Russia w/Love debuted in Playboy.Let’s have him back!!!
Hello Mr. Ambassador,
First, whatever you decide to do, we all love you and know that your family comes first. A blog here & there would be excellent. I’m still hoping to finally see you again on one of my cruises.
About James Bond – I didn’t care much for Casino Royale and probably will wait to see the new one on cable. I don’t like Daniel Craig, probably for all the same reasons you gave. As I heard someone describe him on the news this morning – he is humorless. Bring back the old double entendres with a twinkle in the eye.
Bond girl update – Carey Lowell is married to Richard Gere (he’d be a great Bond), and Talisa Soto is married to Benjamin Bratt. Now I must be having a senior moment because I can’t remember the name of the actress in Moonraker, but she had a busy film career (The Way We Were, Speed 2, among others). And of course Dr, Mike, Jane Seymour (she was the best) & Hallie Berry.
Have a safe journey, let us know what happens in Bahston, and go home to your beautiful wife (& Thingy).
Hugs,
Carol
Dear John & Heidi, my husband & I will be sailing on the Splendor to So. America from Pt. Evergaldes, FL, 1/31/09 and wish to know if you are going to be our cruise director on board. We are repeaters & we’ll love to have you. We just returned from Europe (2 back-to-back cruises) and we saw the Splendor on a couple ports. We felt like approaching the gangway and asking about you two! Pls. let us know. Good luck! Warmest regards,
Juan & Maria Santana
Hey John,
Have a good Flight, and welcome to Here…. thanks for bringing the cold with you by the way…..
If your looking for a good movie to watch try Get Smart. it is a little corny but… it has all the gagets a movie of that type should have.
I have another suggestion for you, if you are going to be staying in a hotel room for a while, go to the local Target or wallymart place and pick up a cheap styrofoam cooler. and buy soem soda and water to keep in it. then all you need to do is add ice once and a while and empty the water out. thats what I do when I am away on vacation (staying in a hotel as opposed to on the ship) just a suggestion.
I look forward to reading Jammies Dear John Letters as she goes around the horn to the left coast. I wish I could be there.
Take care and have a safe flight home your friend
Capt …. Capt Bill
Good Morning John,
The new random acts of kindness sounds very much like the Disney Magic Moments where the cast members do something special for the guests. This can really make the day for someone. I hope we can be the recipient of one of these random acts sometime.
Even though we both love the Bond movies we were not impressed with the last one and never even finished it and we are not interested in seeing the newest one. Maybe the fact that Daniel Craig looks like Putin to me is a factor. I agree that Bond is more about the gadgets and his way of doing things instead of blood and gore.
Have a safe flight home to Heidi today.
Linda
Good Morning John, I will assume that when you read the reply’s, you will be in the air going home to your Heidi. I can only imagine how much you have missed her, and she you.
I have always thought that Sean was the best Bond, he was sexy has all get out and even today he still is. Roger was very good and I did enjoy him as Bond. But then nobody asked my opinion when they started changing the Bond actors. Go with what you know, and what the audience wants. It really is that simple, you do not have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out. The name’s Bond, James Bond, classic line. I would think that they would not allow an Englishman in the movie theater knowing they would have it embedded in their brains just what Mr. Bond has said in all the other movies.
Safe flight w/o any problems. But then with your luck, that probably will not happen. There is just something about John and flying in the same sentence and that is where the problems start LOL.
Keep smiling John, my best to Heidi.
Good Afternoon John,
I’m with you on this “new” Bond! Give me Sean or Pierce any day. They were “classy” and they still are. I don’t even like Daniel’s looks. He seems more suited to the “seedier” roles. He would make a good Bond enemy not Bond himself. I haven’t seen either movie nor do I want to. I will watch Bond re-runs with Sean and Pierce, thank you very much.
“Just for the Fun of it” sounds like Carnival is developing a winner! and it sounds like Fun, not only for the guests receiving the “Fun” but for everyone who is there to witness it. Brilliant!!!!
Have a safe flight home and give Heidi and Thingy our love.
Joan
Hello John, Heidi, and Bloggers,
John, please forgive me if I misunderstood, but I thought you promised to give us more details on the NOLA Bloggers cruise on Saturday. If you did, could we please have them? Pretty please?
Of course you can take Sundays off. No one should have to work seven days a week. You can blog for 6 days, and rest on the 7th. And it will be good.
It’s about time they gave you the title. You have been their spokesperson for some time. It’s just official now. (Hooray!)
John, please reply: Have they changed the itinerary on the Blogger’s Cruise? I can only get the shore excursions for Cozamel to come up, but not Progresso.
Thank you for everything you do. This blog is often the highlight of my day. I’m sure it is for others as well.
Cheryl D.
Well, I understand why you don’t like Daniel Craig’s Bond, but I have to disagree with you for the simple fact that this is supposed to be Bond when he’s fresh spanking new, and still a little green and rough around the edges, since Casino Royale is supposed to have taken place before all the other Bond films.
Perhaps the reason he can “rumpy pumpy” as often as he wants in the other films is because when he first started out he fell in love, had his heart broken, and swore off love completely. Perhaps his car doesn’t have any gadgets because they weren’t created yet?
I think Daniel Craig does a great job of blending the rough edges of being a rookie with the je ne seis quoi that Bond’s have (because, we assume, Bond is born with it). I would find it hard to believe that anyone just started out as this master with all the tools, tricks, and “rumpy pumpy” already at his disposal. Some things do have to be worked towards and developed.
John,
“Just for the fun of it” sounds like it will be a huge success.
I think I can wait til this Bond movie comes out on DVD. No rush here…I was a Sir Sean fan.
Please say hello to Heidi and the baby. Have a great holiday. We’ll enjoy whatever blogs you are able to post.
Have a safe flight,
Lori
Dear John,
let me say i agree with you on almost all of your opinions of the new Bond movie….i too want my Bond back…
i personaly think that Mr. Craig is an excellent Bond, however they just give him crappy movies, I need gadgets and action, by the way, whats the deal with having the scrolling dots at the end of the movie insted of the begining, and also, where was the Bond theme song we have all come to know and love…. only in there once!! (not counting the end credits) I think the directors are trying to change a great thing…classic Bond…I want a good 1970’s Bond with all the gadgets, sex, and storyline intact.
In total I give this movie a 6 out of 10. It is worth renting when on dvd/bluray but only because it is still Bond
P.S. On a lighter note…Carnival rates a 10 out of 10 and I am submitting your name: Mr. John Heald as the next Bond!
Derek (son of Tina)
John,
Hey, another great blog: http://www.avidcruiser.com/albert/
That is Captain Albert of the Veendam
I read it everyday, and is awesome—just like yours!
Take care–
Deb
[...] Bond is Back………….Or is He? Just before I start venting let me start by saying Good Morning less I forget to do so [...] [...]
John – thanks for the link to all the blogs – however – not meaning to beat a dead horse here – but Princess STILL doesn’t have one. What’s up with that? Seriously? When do they plan to start one? Soon, I would think. It’s kind of a glaring oversight.
Good luck mulling through your decision re: work.
Hi all! The babes are here! This is my favorite site to visit. I make sure I am alone in case I get too hot. Post your favorite link here.