Life was much easier when man lived in caves. We spent the day pulling women around by the hair, hunting, drawing on the walls and crapping in the corner. There were no forced trips to IKEA, no bollockings for leaving underwear on the bathroom floor or being asked “Do you still love me?” every Wednesday. I am sure that cavemen did not have to endure the annoying sales calls (I had two yesterday) unless they were cave-to-cave salesmen selling new clubs with better grip with which to smack your lady over the head with should she refuse you rumpy pumpy. Well, us men still need “our cave” even today. But modern society and the female species will do their best to take this away from us………………………and that’s why we must have “man space.”
I haven’t been at home most of this year and I was horrified that when I arrived on Tuesday that Heidi had moved my “man space”………………the only bit I have in the whole house……………..my chair. This is the most important thing in the house as far as I am concerned. It was placed in the perfect position to give me the best view of the television, nothing was blocking the view and if anything ever did I would kick it out of the way. That’s the law. If something is blocking your view of the TV you must kick it out of the way. Wives, pets, grandmothers and small children………..none shall escape the boot. …………this is not that feng shui bollocks…………..this is man shui.
Anyway, Heidi had moved my chair because her Mum was living with her while I was traveling and she wanted it in another position……………no, no, no………that is one of the most important man rules………..nobody sits in the chair but you!
Having rumpy pumpy with another man’s wife is unacceptable but sitting in his chair is a far worse crime.
Heidi had also committed another crime. Not only had she allowed others to sit in my chair but she had decorated it with ……………and some of you may want to look away or have a bucket standing by in which to collect the vomit………………………….Heidi had decorated MY chair with cushions……………yes………………..fluffy brown cushions.
PAUSE TO VOMIT
How dare her. This is my chair and I cannot sit there and deliver sermons and opinions on things (usually speaking only to the TV as nobody else bothers listening to what I have to say) I know bugger all about from a sea of cushions………..my chair looks as manly and butch as Richard Simmons’ underwear drawer. I remember my Dad’s chair from which he would lean down from and give me a good clip round the ear when I was naughty.
This is the piece of furniture that wives and partners hate the most…………..which makes it even more important……….I am sure even Angelina Jolie gets annoyed at Brad’s chair.
And so it was because of this that Heidi and I had our first row since I returned home. She doesn’t seem to understand that it is where we men relax, unwind and put the world to rights from. Take a man’s chair away from him and chaos reigns. Look at newsreaders these days…………….they have been feminized by having to read the news standing up or perched on the end of the desk. My chair has also been feminized. I mentioned the girly cushions and they are not the worst thing……………..nope…………….that title goes to the awful scented candles that surround my throne.
They smell of vanilla and are, according to Heidi, “romantic” and “set a relaxed mood” …………well, we shall see how the scent survives after I have eaten a curry this evening.
In tandem with a man’s chair is the other most important piece of Man Shui…………….and that, of course, is the remote control. I never have time to watch TV onboard but here at home…………..in my chair………….the remote is mine. It is my third arm.
In cave-dwelling, days a man would never be seen without a spear in his hand. The spear has been replaced by the remote control. If I lose the remote control, I spend hours rummaging and turning over everything in the house like something from CSI………I could of course change the channel by walking over to the TV and doing it manually ………… but that is illegal…………..the remote must be found.
Forget Lorraine Bobbitt………….the best way to castrate a man is to take away the remote. It really is the worst sort of thing you can do to a man which………………..is why women love it. There are so many things I love to watch at the same time and for Heidi to deny me the opportunity of this should be illegal as it is immoral. They don’t understand why you have to have it………………….why?…………….Well…………let me explain.
You need the remote so you can flick through all 150 channels pausing for no longer than 1.5 seconds on each…………..unless you see a nice bottom………….or sport.
Women just don’t understand.
Here’s Big Tex with his second installment from the Carnival Fantasy.
11/20/08
We’re back in New Orleans having just completed another successful five day voyage to Mexico. This morning as people were going back home, everyone was full of compliments as they stepped off the gangway. Well, almost everyone. As usual, there were a few people who were certain there was a better way to do things. Perhaps, we could have one big door where everyone could step off at the same time. That way, no one would get to be first and no one would have to be last. But as my Grandmother says, you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself…wait…was that my Grandmother or Rick Nelson. Either way, it holds true.
Shortly, I’ll head off the ship for a couple of hours to do the something I’ve been dreaming about for the last two weeks. I’m going to eat some BBQ. In all honesty, “eat” is probably a bit of an understatement. I’m going to DEVOUR some BBQ. Envision the scene where the lions catch the antelope on the National Geographic Channel.
I’ve found a place in New Orleans that makes the best pulled pork I’ve ever eaten. It’s tender, sweet, and you can literally taste the calories as you ingest it. In fact, each delicious fork full is like an angel hugging your tongue. Now, I’m sure that some of you think I’m way too excited about this, but to be fair…OK…I am too excited about this, but give me a chance to explain.
For those who have cruised with me recently you may be aware that there is less of me. In fact, over the last seven months, I’ve lost 70 pounds. I’m happy with my decision to lose the weight, and I’m planning to lose 40 or 50 more, but it hasn’t come without sacrifice. I’ve given up food (I can’t tell you how much I miss things like fried chicken and gravy), I’ve given up fun (it’s been months since I’ve had a cocktail or a beer), I’ve given up time (I go to the gym six days a week, two hours a day) and I’ve given up money (buying new clothes is neither cheap nor fun). As I said, I’m glad I’ve done it, and I still have more to do…but it ain’t easy.
Losing weight takes some getting used to. One of the things I’ve found difficult is coming up with new and funny material. Since I’ve lost the weight (by no means am I what you would call “skinny”) my fat jokes just don’t have the same punch as they used to.
Another thing that takes some getting used to is people’s reaction to me. Most people have been very complimentary about the weight loss. But, I suppose as a work related hazard, people feel completely comfortable saying to me whatever is on their mind. As such, comments have ranged from “Are you sick?” to “You were much funnier when you were fatter!” to “We were here last year and you were a land whale!”
I digress, back to the BBQ…
All in all, the trip to the BBQ joint is therapeutic and necessary. For you see, what’s the point of losing weight to live longer, if you’re not really going to do some living.
I hope wherever you are, that you’re doing some living as well. As for me, I’m off to get drunk on meat and enjoy all things porcine. It’s time to let those wonderful folks do that voodoo that they do. Here are some shots from the Fantasy as she is docked in the Port of New Orleans.
A view of the Crescent City Connection from the deck of the Fantasy…
…and Downtown New Orleans from the water park.Until tomorrow,
Tex (the sick, unfunny, former land whale)
Thanks mate………….have you got any photos of your football playing days. The Carnival Fantasy sounds great and we are all excited to see you and the Evolutions of Fun when we board in February.
Well, the press release went out for the two Bloggers Cruises on the Carnival Dream and I know many of you are excited about sailing. Lets hope we can all be together again at the end of next year. I saw the final gift for the February Bloggers Cruise today and I have to say……………..it’s ummmmm…………..well…………actually, I am speechless ……………you will be as well when you see it.
And, of course, there is the Carnival Valor when – from late February until mid-April – I will be a full-blown cruise director. I will be aboard the ship for the first time and I can’t wait. Over the next few weeks I will be highlighting some of the ports we will visit ……………..I won’t be with Heidi so I hope some of you will come and sail with me.
I saw that I have lots of questions to answer again and I promise to do those on Monday. Please keep them coming and if you feel you need my help I remain at your service.
Heidi is doing well. On Monday we have her final blood test and then next month a scan which will reveal the sex of the Thingy if we decide to know. That is very much still up in the air and we shall see how we feel after the scan. I really want to know …………… Heidi remains undecided……………….I will obviously go with whatever she decides …………….not that I ever had a choice, of course. Some of you asked for photos and I will have these ready for Monday, as well.
Tonight, Alan and his wife are coming over for dinner. Heidi is cooking a chicken stir-fry. It will be great to see my mate again. He is a walking miracle……………..an ugly one……………..but still a miracle and we will spoil him tonight…………………no way is he sitting in my chair though.
Heidi hit me with a bombshell this morning as I munched on my porridge. I love porridge by the way…………especially in the winter…………….and it is quite cold here today and snow is expected on Saturday. This means the country will come to a standstill. The British people can survive being bombed by the Germans, the IRA, and Al Qaeda. We can survive foot and mouth and bonkers cow disease………………but put a light sprinkling of white powder on the ground and its total anarchy. The trains can’t run, power cuts happen nation-wide resulting in little old ladies having to eat their pets and keep warm by burning their next-door neighbors.
It was as we watched the Lovely Lisa Sky News’s beautiful Irish weather girl tell us winter was 24 hours away that Heidi nearly had me choking on my porridge……………she said “We won’t have chance again and this will be our last chance to have a holiday without the Thingy…………….let’s go on holiday.”
OK, I thought thinking we would get in the car and go to London for the weekend …………..or at worst we could hop on a P&O cruise for a few days from Southampton …………. ummmm………nope. Heidi wants to go to …………….The Maldives …………….for those who don’t know where that is……………it’s ummmm…………………a long bloody way.
We had a similar holiday in The Seychelles when we got engaged……and I hated it. It sounds like one of the most exotic places anywhere on earth, a collection of islands dotted over an area of the South Pacific that’s the same size as Europe. In reality it takes two forevers to get there and as soon as I did get there……..I wanted to bugger off again.
I want to make Heidi happy…………there is nothing more important to me than that …………..but I really can’t go through this hell again. Apart from the fact that there is no raspberry coverage for sure and that means no blogging and being out of touch with humanity…………………….there is absolutely nothing to do. I took Heidi there because I wanted to impress her and because I envisioned romantic nights of fresh lobster and rumpy pumpy on the beach……….and that happened………well……..the lobster bit anyway.
But that was 1997…………..I was young…………..and I looked good in a pair of Speedo’s wandering down the golden sands………………but I could never do it again.
At the airport, everyone from the flight attendant to the bus driver gave me a necklace of flowers so that by the time I arrived at the hotel and conference center, I looked like a Delta Force Sniper.
When we got there the first thing they wanted to know was, after they’d given me another necklace or two, was whether we would be coming to the restaurant or would we like the meal…………delivered to our room by canoe.
And therein lies the heart of the problem with all these pointy lumps of volcanic residue that were pretty much a secret until the jet engine came along. It doesn’t matter whether you’re talking about Mauritius or the Maldives, Tahiti or the Seychelles. They are all the same: completely overdone.
All of them are advertised in the brochures with a picture of what I swear is the same palm tree. You must have seen it: the horizontal one, wafting its fronds gently over the turquoise waters and white sand of pretty well everywhere. Then there are the hotels, with their increasingly idiotic ways of giving you a taste of life on a tropical island.
This means sharing your bath with half a hundredweight of petals and finding your toilet roll folded into the shape of a rose every morning by your very own manservant. To complete the picture, the staff are dolled up in a ludicrous facsimile of what once, perhaps, might have been the national dress. Even the blokes had to wear skirts and they weren’t even Scottish or from South Beach, and to complete their humiliation they had to walk up and down the superheated sand all day in bare feet.
Unless, of course, they were trying to deliver a lobster salad, in a canoe, on a choppy sea, without letting it blow away or go cold or fall into the water. Small wonder they behaved like everything was too much trouble. Give the poor bastards some shoes, for crying out loud. And some pants.
Thinking that this sort of thing is giving you a taste of life on a tropical island is as silly as thinking you can get a taste of lamb from licking a sheep’s bottom. On a real tropical island, like Tom Hanks in Castaway, you have to smash your own teeth out with ice skates and talk to footballs, and there are insects, huge Hummer-type thingies with the head and upper torso of a fly and the rear end of a lion. I know many people long to visit places like this. Everywhere in the world seems to be so packed and so full of tourists ……………………..did you know they just opened a Starbucks on the Great Wall of China.
And there’s the thing. We dream the tropical dream. But we’re built to live in Ohio.
So, I have no idea what we are going to do. Heidi wants “one last holiday” before our lives “change forever”……….bloody hell are we having a Thingy or are we moving to Mars? Hopefully I can get away with a night in a posh hotel on December 6 …………….. our wedding anniversary……….a night in the Marriott London………………..or 10 days in the Maldives……….same thing………and I shall blame it on the credit crunch.
Talking of which I wrote to my “personal banker…………..or “relationship manager” as he is called at AIG, inviting him over for a chat. I am referring to the one who wrote to me yesterday saying he had invested my money in mini-discs, The Segway, NCL’s new series of ships and Vanilla Ice’s new album.
I’ll be happy to see how he likes being a prisoner in my spare room for a year or two.
I should imagine, after the daily doses of the cattle prod and being forced to watch The Home Shopping Network 24 hours a day and being fed nothing but fried yak poo, he’ll be fully rehabilitated and able to go back into the world of international finance ready to pay me and every other unfortunate sod he did business with all our money back …………. with interest…………..delivered by him…………in person……………..naked.
Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and the Thingy.
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
Dear John:
Heidi is right, do your last vacation alone. Your live is going to change a little and your vacations are never going to be the same and don’t get me wrong it’s not bad it’s just different and not as easy. This weekend the Splendor it’s going to visit San Juan for the first time. We will be there when she comes in. I’m going to see our blogger friends Linda and Empress Bee Looking forward to that.
During the 25 years I’ve been married I have managed one rule; Do anything you want to the house but don’t move my chair or the TV.
John, yes we must have our man chair and the remote. (DEC 6th) My chair is MINE. (DEC 6th) The remote is MINE also as long as Pat is out playing bingo. (DEC 6th) When I hear the car in the driveway I may as well change the channel to Law and Order on one of the many channels she finds it on. (DEC 6th)
I’m sure when Heidi suggested the vacation she said let’s take a vacation for our last anniversary before thingy comes. (DEC 6th) Now you got to think what she was really doing. (DEC 6th) All wives do it. (DEC 6th) It’s that prewarning that your anniversary is coming. (DEC 6th) Next will come the hints at where your to do the shopping. (DEC 6th) Look out if you forget DEC 6th you will be lucky only to get the doghouse and not a frying pan over the head.
So you don’t forget your anniversary is DEC 6th.
BIG ED
Hey John,
Can’t agree more about the “Man Space”.
When we moved two months ago I finally got my
“MAN ROOM” to watch sports and kick back after work. Highly recommend the large High Def flat screen and of course the favourite recliner to finish off the complete set! Surround sound is a must as well for the MAN movies that will be playing. Hold your ground man and get back your chair and the proper sight lines for your TV.
Reclaim your space and then relax.
Good luck on the future trip. Bite the bullet and compromise…………take her on a CUNARD cruise and relax! LOL.
All the best from the land of ice and snow. Yes………it’s here again and a foot deep already.
Your friends from Canada
B&D
Hello, John and Heidi,
To begin, dear, wonderful Heidi, you really must reconsider the issue of John’s chair. Of course, you want your home to be a picture of style and grace, but what good is a beautiful living room if your favorite person in the world is miserable when he’s in that room. It’s a small thing to you to let him have his way on this, but a major win for him and he’ll be eternally grateful. You may place any other piece of furniture wherever you please and if he, ahem, comments, you can simply remind him of the place of honor he holds in front of the TV. If placement of the chair truly offends you, perhaps you could put one of those bamboo screens around it and hang it with lots of pictures of flowers and fields. Seriously, John needs at least one place to call his.
As to you, John, you really must take Heidi on holiday wherever she wants to go because like it or not, Thingy Desk will most assuredly place restrictions on your future travels as a couple…unless you are willing to leave TD with a sitter for extended periods. And I can almost guarantee you that Heidi’s mother or yours will be the only acceptable, trustworthy sitters. But in all likelihood you will only go on holiday with TD for many years to come and they won’t be quiet, romantic get aways for two.
Enjoy your time at home, and get some rest. And say hello to Alan. (Well, actually, since he’s already been there and gone, tell him “Hi” for me next time.)
Oh, by the way, did you hear that Hillary is probably our new Secretary of State? Matter of fact, most of Prez elect Obama’s cabinet seems to be previous Clintonistas. Go figure! Should be an interesting four years…hopefully no more!
Anyhoo, cheers to you both and to TD.
Your Pal, Myra
Hi John….
Now about this chair thing…. Look at it from Heidi’s stand point: Change is good! And remember, she has hormones that are all messed up with being pregnant. So, next year at this time things will be different! She will be focusing on little “Thingy” and not on your chair! (Been there…. done that!)
As far as a holiday….. She’s right!
Hi Heidi, is this what you wanted me to write? Okay, now when is my free Carnival Cruise? LOL
Hello to Alan and his family! Looking forward to meeting them in February!
Hugs to you, Heidi and little Thingy!
Princess Barb
Forget the chair, John, you need a Man Cave!
man cave n. A dedicated area of a house, such as a basement, workshop, or garage, where a man can be alone or socialize with his friends.
http://www.diynetwork.com/diy/shows_dmcv/
REPLY BACK PLEASE.
Good evening John and Heidi. I agree with you John about the chair. I have a black leather one that as I settle in it I have everything I need to reach near me. The only person that I allow to sit in mine is my grandaughter Emily and once she gets in it I’m not allowed to get back into it until she goes home. I guess I just love her so much. You understand later if you have a daughter. You really like to hurt me don’t you John. Discussing about your time on the Valor and all the ports you will discuss with us really got to me. I’ ve been hoping to meet you someday and I didn’t know you were going to be on the Valor. My wife and I had already booked a cruise on the Valor but it is on January 25 th. If I had known I would have booked it later to fit accordingly to meet you. Buggers. Last January I was on the Freedom and you were supposed to be there as the CD but then unfortunately you were taken away but you came back the day I left the ship. It just looks like you really don’t want to meet me. Oh well, I’ll keep on trying but after you become a daddy, I can see you’ll probably lesson your time as a CD. That’s alright my friend. I’ll still enjoy my times on the cruises even without every meeting you. LOL. Give that man from AIG royal hell. It’s your money and you’re not going to take it. It was a statement I saw on the TV the other day. It sure sounded great for your situation. Ciao John and say hello to your wife Heidi for me.
Paul F. Pietrangelo
Once again,
the valor is a fantastic ship!!
from, JAKE S. ( :
John..
I know that chair!!! I know it well. I decorate around it… It must not be moved… It is a THRONE and must be respected and honored!!! Cushions… well yes, while it’s not being used, cushions are concessions. And helps to make it blend with the decor.
More presents for your bloggers….
I LOVE IT!!!! Presents and surprises are SOOOOO FUN!!!! I can hardly wait!!!
Your last holiday as a couple??? Bah Humbug!!! Romance does NOT end with children… that’s just WRONG!!! Grand-Mums and Grand-Dads are made for this… They LOVE to take over and let a couple get away for those long needed weekends and vacations!!! Only if you let it, will a child stop those private times!!! Take Heidi and get away, but don’t let her think it will never happen again!!!
Big Tex… Louisianna BBQ… EXCUSE ME??? Yes, pulled pork, of course!!! But BBQ is TEXAS!!!! And it’s BEEF!!!!
Your photo of the deck and the bridge… That’s the angle we see from the webcam… but yours is RIGHT THERE… up close and personal!!! WOO HOO!!! And I see right where I’ll be standing in February!!!! WOO HOO!!!!
John, thanks for the blog… it never fails to entertain and bring smiles!!!
Thank you!!!
Lambie
John – I’ve had the same chair problems. You gotta hang tough and fight for the chair and location. You can do it.
Hey, why don’t you take Heidi to Chicago, stay in a nice hotel, see “Wicked” or “Jersey Boys”, have a nice dinner at the Italian Village, do a little shopping. She would love it, fares are low right now.
I was so hoping you might be on the Pride going through Panama Canal. Now that you will be on the Valor, I bet you will really miss Heidi.
Our best to you, Heidi, and the “thingy” which I hope looks more like Heidi, a blessing.
The Maldives???? John, doesn’t Heidi know that you can’t get there from here… or there… or pretty much anywhere but the Maldives!!! You’ll spend six days traveling and one day there. Step off the plane, nod your head, get back on and go home!!! Buy a Hummer… it’ll be cheaper in the long run and better for the ego.
I’ve got to say that you really have imprinted yourself on Carnival’s cruise directors. I can see your humor in Big Tex, your calmness during chaos in Goose, your organizational skills in Risa and your passion for the silly in Butch. Not clones but the best pieces of your personality transplanted throughout the fleet. Is it any wonder that Carnival has the best cruise directors on the seas??
Man space… I have MY space… and it’s everywhere!!! One of the reasons that I’m single is because MY space became everyone’s space, MY tv time became their tv time, MY time alone became their time to get favors done by me, MY home became their castle. It’s all mine again… other than what she got in the divorce which was pretty much everything.
Time for dinner and a cocktail…
Ciao!!!
Host Mach
PS… did I mention that the Splendor is GORGEOUS???!!!
Agree with you that men must have their chair and remote. Kick the cushions off the chair. If this doesn’t work make the cushions disappear.
For holiday your choice is Seychelles or the Africa safari. You choose. John, you got out of the safari but I don’t know if you can get out of taking Heidi to Seychelles.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t the Seychelles in the Indian Ocean?
Hi John and Heidi,
I’ve got an idea for a really great place for a holiday. Pigeon Forge….. The Christmas lights are gorgeous and the Christmas shows are the best. Go to Dollywood and see all of the Christmas shows at Dolly’s theme park. The Comedy Barn has their Christmas show now.
Why don’t you cross the big pond and enjoy Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge. It is gorgeous at Christmas . But wait until we get back so we can maybe show you around………. maybe?
If we can fit it into our busy schedule trying to get ready for our Splendor cruise next weekend, we hope to go see as much as we can this Sunday.
Countess Carolyn………. unofficial welcoming committee for Pigeon Forge and the surrounding areas
John: (Please Reply)
I am planning a cruise on the Carnival Valor on April 5th. I am very happy to hear you will be the director.
I will introduce my family to you. Last cruise aboard the Freedom in March, I “forgot” to meet you personally. My question is: We are bringing along another family who has never cruised before. How does the Valor compare to the Freedom regarding size, decor, etc. I read and viewed everything on Carnival’s website but, I have been working hard to convince them to cruise for the first time and have really been selling them on Carnival instead of the “others”.
Thank you, Tina (and family)
Big Tex… Louisiana BBQ… should that not be Alligator instead of pulled pork. You could of shared the name of the BBQ joint though, so us Bloggers could sample it in February. I prefer BBQ beef but I am always willing to try pulled pork as long as someone does not slap sweet coleslaw on it.
Seems like living in a larger space rather than those close quarters on board ship are tough too. Hold your ground John and protect your Man Space!
Hi John and Heidi
A great blog today as usual. As I read about your chair being moved it made me remember a time when I moved hubby’s chair. It was Christmas and I thought the Christmas tree would look much better in that space than that man chair. So, I moved the chair, put in the little Christmas tree. It was very pretty there, until the next morning. Hubby got up, put on his bathrobe, got a cup of coffee, turned on the TV and promptly sat on the Christmas tree. Needless to say, coffee and hubby were scattered everywhere and any and everything breakable under the tree was broken. That was my lesson in Don’t move the man’s chair!! LOL
You should take her on a holiday before your life changes. It will be a big change when little Desk is born, but it will be a change for the best. It just isn’t as easy to take a vacation with a little one, but it can be done.
I was on the Valor last year. She is a really nice ship. We enjoyed it a lot.
Take care and give my best to Heidi. Pat her on the belly and tell thingy hi for me. I have to go and pack for my cruise on the Splendor next week. We get to meet Nanni in PR and are sailing with Don and Carolyn from the Krewe. How exciting is that?? My best to Stephanie also.
Gloria aka Sue
John, dear friend, I forgot to warn you, your very own space is the doghouse. Please be careful that you don’t end up there …….again snicker
Countess Carolyn
Dear John:
My wife and I have been on five Carnival cruises this year, most recently on Freedom 12 day W. Med. and 12 day E Med and Trans on Splendor. One employee stood out during all those adventures and that was Jamie (Deitch?) on Splendor. Over the 28 days we were on that ship we were impressed at what a natural she was in entertaining the passengers. Always smiling with a keen sense of humor. She is really gifted with the ability to make everyone smile. In addition, we were grateful to her for going beyond her normal duties when our two bookings on Liberty were canceled. The pursers were of no help but Jamie managed to send us the Carnival press release and other information to our stateroom despite all her other duties. I am sure you recognize her as a real star and I hope she is made a cruise director soon as some of the cruise directors are not that impressive. I am not a relative, just a fan.
John -
I can envision the new addition to your house.
To enter, one must get down on their hands and knees and crawl through a low door with an arched top.
The interior of the room will be small, with steep, slanted ceilings reaching a point in the center of the room. The room will be sparsely decorated, perhaps a rug and what appears to be a sleeping area in the corner.
In other words, your man cave needs to be in the shape of a doghouse. Think of it. Everytime you are in the doghouse, you end up in your man cave. One of two things will happen – either you will never again be in the doghouse or you will have complete control of your man cave. Either way, you win.
BTW – DECEMBER 6th reminder.
Jon
Go on the vacation! Because yes, you will soon be living the next 20 years of your life as a forgotten second class citizen in a perpetual doghouse on Mars!
I’m lucky. My whole basement is my mantown. You need more than just a chair!
Jeff
Ah John
Please reply!
Sweet Heidi is feathering her nest and has your comfort and happiness a top priority. She is taking care of her man.
Vanilla is reputed to reduce stress, improve mood, and aid in weight loss. Wise choice Heidi. Aromatherapy. Besides, if the candles are lit, they will burn off the methane gas you apparently produce in copious amounts. Like the flares at the refinery.
After years of study and experience it is a theorem in my universe that men prefer everything to stay the same, same shoes, same ties, same living room arrangement, same favorites for supper. Please put things back so I can find them.
Women on the other hand prefer new, different, a change. Shopping provides new ideas. Maybe that chair would look better by the window, maybe that tv needs a less central location. How happy John will be when he gets home and finds the nice cushions I found for him. Gee, his socks would probably be better in this other drawer.
The Malidives sound like sand spits to me, and kind of like a busman’s holiday for you. The capitol is Male. Go figure.
It it were me, a nice drive to the northern isles, say a few days in Edinburgh, visit a few castles, get to know each other again one on one, enjoy each others company.
You live in a wonderful place, have you seen all of the tourist attractions? Plays at the west end. Greek artifacts at the British Museum. We toured one time just picking out B&B at the i places. The summer palace at Brighton is worth the ride. The roman village up north, not the baths at Bath, but the other ones. You get the drift.
Its not real hard to travel with an infant. They are quite happy sleeping, eating, and loading up their nappies.
One of the more beautiful things I’ve seen was on a flight to Tampa for a Legend Cruise this past September.
Across the aisle was an attractive woman with a small baby. Like you I thought; gosh, here we go, crying baby for two hours. There was never a cross sound, never a scream. The woman was loving, supplied the bottle as required to help the ears adjust, played some peek a boo type games, a trip to the lavatory for fresh pants (I guess), a nice nap, plenty of soothing touch, and just showed how sweet a baby can be in the arms of her mother. She was met at the baggage by her husband and three other children. Baby let out a cackle when she saw Dad and Dad swooped her up in the air and the family was together again.
We did get a nice cabin booked on the Dream for December 3, 2009 now we need the blogger code so we can be part of your group?
I filled out the form on the webpage for the February Blogger Cruise as well as gave the code to my pvp but never have had any confirmation, what should I do?
Cheers Mate
Hi John, Heidi, and Future child:
So your ‘Man Cave’ was violated with cushions and scented candles? What’s next? Hopefully the chair won’t go away when your child is born.
I hear what you’re saying avout Maldives and the Seychelles. Though its quite expensive, it can truly be more relaxing than the London Marriott.
Hope Tex enjoyed his pulled pork but its still not the same as Texas BBQ.
Glad to hear Alan is doing well and I hope you had a nice time catching up with him last night.
Have a good day and thanks for posting.
Take care!
David
Dear John and Heidi,
Interesting news that you will be the Cd on the Valor. She sails from NO, correct? Seems there is some good BBQ to be had as well as lots of other confections and fishy dishes………Are you still on the weight loss program? Seems I promised a check for your children’s hospital? I’ve only managed to lose 7 pounds and Dan has lost 8 pounds. This is disturbing since the last Blogger’s cruise we were 25 pounds lighter! What a difference a year makes!
Nanni, tell the Empress and Linda hello for me! We will see you next years anniversary!
Well, we are celebrating 22 years this Dec ,5th. Obligation day. As for yours, “have a nice trip!”We will be thinking of you! ( with pants of course)
Blessings,
Dan and Kap (Kathie)
Dear Rick,
Thank you so much for your kind words =) It was lovely having you on board… and I can not wait to see you on another cruise soon.
All the best,
Jaime =)
The man lair…a place of solace ….a refuge from the world and all the stresses of life. A place not to be invaded or to be tampered with. Superman has his Fortress of Solitude….Batman has the Bat-Cave (which is shared with Robin?) …..John has his chair…….
Perhaps Heidi has been watching those home decorating shows and was inspired by the allure of making over a room……decorative pillows and scented candles……
HGTV. TLC. A&E and Discovery Network shows these room makeover type of programs nearly non-stop….the UK likely has a slew of them as well.
…..it was inevitable……
The candles perhaps serve as a shield of sorts ….a barrier to ward off and contain the essence of the man cave…… But a hidden benefit of that proverbial act……Free Jacuzi
The Flying Dutchman
John I can feel your pain. A man’s chair and the tv remote is all that we have left once we get married. They keep us sane.
Ah yes… I once had “a chair:. When we furnished the family room, I got “my chair” , and over-stuffed (like me) recliner set at the perfect angle to view the 65″ television across the room. However I was considerate, in that I bought the Baroness Von Kukidom a “she chair” as well.
The “she chair” had a slightly less desirable angle to the monster piece of furniture called the television which no doubt led to years of rationed rumpy pumpy. More and more frequently, I’d come out of my little computer room, finding the Baroness lounging in the “he chair”, waiving my sabre (er remote) declaring her highnesses’ independance and authority. Head down I would lumber back to my little cubicle, a diminished knight in the night.
This lasted until modern technology intervened on my behalf, and I stumbled upon a gigantic LCD Flat Screen TV, which now hangs on my cubicle wall, restoring my kinghtly status in the Kuki Kingdom.
I now await the next move by the Baroness Von Kuki to reclaim her superiority… and until that time rumpy bumpy is just a faint memory.
I now have my man space cubicle, but on occassion, while day dreaming, the thoughts of a bare baroness do sneak in to somewhat minimize my victory.
Regards,
Kuki
CruiseMates.com
JOHN-PLEASE REPLY
Hey Big mate (or should I say getting smaller mate) it’s been a while. Have you started on the new ship (the Dream) yet? Read a while back that Heidi is pregnant, congrats. Anyways just checking in and I hope to get back to reading regularly again soon.
_BigMike
Blog Security Chief
John – you are right, what could be better than a nice romantic cruise for your last holiday before the upcoming arrival.
***John Please Reply***
It is so great to here what is happening at home with oyou and Heidi,
and I agree with the others, take Heidi on a holiday if you can, it might
be a while till the next one.
My question John is: Do Ted and I need Passports or not? We are, of
course will be on the bloggers cruise in Feb., and I have heard conflicting
things. Our Caarnival PVP says no, as long as we are cruising with Carnival,
we do not absolutely need Passports. IF we do need them, we will have to apply
for them very soon, as we have never had passports before. I’m not sure of the dates
that we must have a passport by. Thanks John. Btw it was so great meeting you in
Philly.
Love ya,
Sue M aka suefromnarrowsburg
in the beginning of Johns blog he mentions when cavemen used to drag women by the hair. did you know before that, cavemen tried to drag them by their feet,but they would fill up with sand.