A friend of mine returned recently from a vacation in Jamaica. “So how was it?” I asked, expecting to hear about the food, the hotel, the beach and how many times he’d had smoked a palm tree. But no. Instead he told me he’d seen Meryl Streep, Steven Segal and something called Jay Z……..which I think is a tropical bird

Yep………the Caribbean…it brings out the stars. Columbus said it first. When he reached the Caribbean in 1492 (he was looking for India, but the West Indies got in the way), he wrote this in his journal: “I saw so many islands that bugger me I hardly knew to which I should go first.” …….OK, I added the “bugger me” bit but you can understand how he felt.
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I am so in the doghouse…….not just a little bit ………….a lot. Apparently, I embarrassed Heidi today and she says I haven’t done so to this extent since our stay in a hotel recently……….on that occasion we were getting ready for dinner and a lady from housekeeping knocked on the door. Upon opening it, she said “Good evening, I have come to turn down your bed.”……..I said……..”Well, you won’t be the first lady to do that………..everyone turns down my bed.”……….Neither she nor Heidi was amused.

And so, to this morning’s journey to the house of hounds……..here’s what happened when we went to buy a Christmas tree.
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Hi Everyone,

Stephanie here.  I just wanted to thank everyone for the well wishes.  It was extremely encouraging reading all the words of support via the blog and email.  I’m still recovering but was back at work today.  So thank you again to everyone!

Now, I also read some comments from people regarding the charity registration.  I know some of you registered directly with the charity, however you need to register with us to ensure you are part of the group.  Carnival will be covering the cost of materials for all our volunteers, so we need to have a final count and everyone’s name.

So here is the registration page again: Sign up to volunteer in New Orleans on Feb. 6.

Thanks again

Stephanie

Last night I was watching the Cops program on TV………not the American version where people living in houses with wheels on them have beaten their brother over the head with a ham…..nope, this was the UK version. A young man had been apprehended after he was seen driving erratically and he was, not to put too fine a point on it, incapable of either coherent thought or coherent speech or to give his condition its proper British scientific name……..he was totally sloshed (www.urbandictionary.com) and he had drunk so much beer…. If he had been asked to give blood……….it would have had a head on it.

When the policeman asked if the car was his, he looked like he’d been asked to explain the atomic properties of sulphuric acid. He had the IQ of a tulip, the conversational ability of a frying pan, and the intelligence of his mother who, at the time, was standing outside the police car shouting “Fu%* You!” over and over again.
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So yesterday I reminisced about yesterday’s heroes and role models from history and the world of television. And, with this in mind, I decided to choose my starting five for my “Heald’s Heroes” basketball team. We already have the coach in Winston Churchill and today I will name the first player in my team of heroes……….and at the position of point guard…………………….it is…………………Colombo.

Have you ever met anyone who says, “Oh, I hate Colombo?”………..Nope……..and that’s because everyone likes him. Now he may not be to good at shooting as he only has one good eye, but his determination to get the ball to the big guys would be relentless ………… he is like a pit bull terrier………he never lets go.
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Hi Everyone,

Here is the link to the registration page for the February 2009 blogger’s cruise charity/volunteer event. As a reminder, we can only accommodate the first 100 people that sign up. We will notify/confirm your registration by Friday, December 12. We will we be volunteering with the Beacon of Hope Resource Center in New Orleans.

Sign up to volunteer in New Orleans on Feb. 6

Thanks and see you soon!
Stephanie

Sex and the City……….It’s the ultimate divide between men and women. They ….. women ……want to spend time with Carrie and her self-obsessed slappers (look that very British word up on www.urbandictionary.com). I mean, do women really behave like this?

How could any sane man like a TV show with character in it called Mr Big? It makes out that all women are obsessed with shoes and swapping intimate details about men and our failings over breakfast. This show appeals I think to a very unique gene found only in women and anyone with testicles who says they like it probably spends Thursday nights wearing high heels and a bra and Saturday’s pressing wild flowers.

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“Why can’t you be more like Alan and Danny?” moaned my wife this morning. I replied that the only way I could be like them was to smack myself in the face repeatedly with a frying pan.
 
However, it wasn’t that she wanted me to be as ugly as they are……oh no……..she wanted me to be more useful around the house. I mentioned yesterday at my continuing despair about today’s electronic devices and that despair deepened this morning as I was tasked to hang a picture in the Thingy’s room. …………sounds easy enough, doesn’t it?
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I truly believe that life now, at the precise second I am writing this blog thingy, is better than it was a moment ago. But not quite as good as it will be in a minute.

Obviously, this doesn’t apply if you’ve just been caught by your wife having rumpy pumpy with the next-door neighbor or if you’ve just been wrongly accused of trying to assisinate Kim Jong Il. And are, therefore, about to have your nipples blow torched.

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Good Evening everyone.
It’s another freezing cold day here in the UK and I love it because I get to wear my old leather jacket, light a real fire and can say “bugger off” to the man with a beard who sneered at me when he saw me driving my polar-bear-killing machine earlier today.

Anyway, in a few minutes we will chat about family vacations but first………and with a large dollop of apology for being late ….here are the replies to the questions marked “John, please reply”…..here we go: (more…)