I am writing to you while sitting in a hard back chair and sitting as straight and upright as a meer cat that’s just eaten a few Viagra pills………….because I have a terrible back pain. I know it’s not necessarily a sign of aging – young men have bad backs too – but as I stood tentatively doing stretching exercises this morning I realized there was a difference between old men’s bad backs and young men’s bad backs.
I realized this when Goose the cruise director of the Carnival Splendor asked me how I injured my back. Now, a young man would have been able to give him an answer like “Oh, I was running in the Iron Man contest and just as I finished the 300 mile run a felt a twinge…………or………..I was having rumpy pumpy with 23 Latvian women and while I was hanging from the chandelier I pulled a muscle.” Anyway, Goose looked at me expecting such tales of heroics…….instead, I just said, with an air of resignation: “I don’t know.” Such was my condition I couldn’t even accompany my answer with a decent shrug.
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