So I feel a lot better today about the world we live in despite AIG fund managers making my savings hit the floor quicker than Paris Hilton’s underwear. I don’t want to seem indifferent to suffering, and I don’t want anyone to accuse me of minimizing the likely effect of the recession, because the coming months will very probably be a lot tougher – for millions of people – than the boom times we have all recently enjoyed.
But after listening to our president and CEO Gerry Cahill speak about the economy today and Carnival’s position within it all of us felt somewhat reassured. Gerry’s message could be translated into Whoa! Steady on people! This isn’t the plague. Pinch yourself. Are you still there? Got a pulse? Thought so. Look out of the window. Those aren’t zombies. They are men and women engaged in the normal business of getting and spending and wanting to go on vacation.
This isn’t some disaster movie about a virus from the planet Uranus that leaves its victims smelling of garlic and body odor and with the uncontrollable urge to be rude to everyone …………nope this is not Frenchyitus. It’s a recession, a downturn, a correction of a kind that is indispensable to any kind of human activity, and it does not require that we all go around under a special kind of credit-crunch cloud like the one that always followed the Coyote that used to chase the Roadrunner… It does not mean we have to cancel all parties and talk in hushed credit-crunch tones. It doesn’t mean we have to line our rooms with newspaper, get in the fetal position and live on dog food or eat the dog itself………… in fact said Gerry, it means the opposite.
Maybe the Queen of England needs to listen to Gerry………….. I read the other day that the credit crunch had affected the way Her Majesty spends her money. Sensitive to the mood of her subjects, she had decided not to lash out on any new dresses, but to recycle the old ones. Oh bollocks… Who is giving her economic advice these days ………….. Michael Jackson? Now is exactly the moment for the Queen – who has a billion or two – to buy dresses, now when the dressmakers of the world could do with a right royal tonic.
This is not the moment for her to have some poor sod crotchet the dress she wore when she had tea with Ronald Reagan into something she can wear to meet president Obama next month…………before you know it she will be shopping on line at JC Penney.
It is miserable for many that is for sure, but it is not so miserable that we have to cease all economic activity and become miserable sods. Some people genuinely seem to think we would be better off staying at home and growing our own vegetables and baking our own bread. This is bollocks.
But here’s the part that really gets my goat. I don’t have a goat, but feel like I should buy one just so it can get my goat. The banks’ one job is to look after our money — that’s it, it’s not like they’ve got anything else to do, is it? That’s what they do………………..look after money.
Stick it in a safe, sit a bloke next to the safe, fill up the ATM machine as and when. It can’t be hard, can it?
If I can figure it out, why does a bloke who gets a million dollar bonus at Christmas not realize any of this?
Banks look after money, full stop………………….in the end a bank that doesn’t have any money in it is just a building, the same way a climbing wall without anyone using it is………..just a wall.
What’s worse is we don’t hear the bloody end of it; it’s all over the television and the internet. It’s lucky the media doesn’t charge us $20 every time they tell us the world’s gone overdrawn like the banks do; otherwise we’d have even less money…
A deep recession may be upon us…………..but we have to spend money. But there is no need to go into mourning for capitalism, because capitalism will never go away, and there is nothing remotely impolite, in these circumstances, about spending money and being seen to spend money. In these times Gerry said that it would be easy to cut the marketing budget but he won’t do that………………because we need the world to know who we are and the fun we stand for.
He also said he wouldn’t cut the product, stating that we only had one chance to impress the new cruisers who will hopefully take a Carnival cruise and we want them to experience the best of everything. The 1,400 travel agents in the room listened to every word as he spoke how suddenly, overnight; the people of the world went from wanting to spend their money on luxury items to wanting affordable value which of course is exactly what the Carnival product stands for.
The new Carnival Elation itinerary………… Carnival Pride’s pending arrival to Baltimore…………….Carnival’s brilliant Cash Back offer…………the rejuvenation of the Fantasy class…………..Alaska cruises from Seattle……the Carnival Splendor homeporting in California…………..and of course the new Carnival Dream……….the present and the future is as bright and shiny as Richard Simmons workout clothes. Gerry told us that the fleet will soon receive table top magicians who wander the dining rooms and public lounges amazing us with their close up magic skills. And then there is G Force who are all ready on some of our vessels and their acrobatic skills and stunning dance moves are indescribable.
It was a fun afternoon and one that I am positive had the agents revitalized in the knowledge that the world’s most popular cruise line was brilliantly positioned to allow them to sell our affordable, value for money fun vacation to their clients………..our future guests……………….you.
Here are a few photos of this afternoon’s event.
In a few minutes I will be interviewing Jaime, Ken and some other crew members here on the ship and I will be posting those over the next few days.
Please excuse my brief blog today but I have a busy schedule and I promise I will make up for it tomorrow with loads of videos and your questions answered. Hope you understand.
OK, just a quick note about the Supper Club. It turns out I may have given you some incorrect information. The $30 does in fact include a gratuity all be it a minimal one. Think of this as the same as room service. It’s free and the servers are taken care of accordingly by Carnival, however it is always nice to give a few dollars if the service comes promptly and with a smile…………as I hope it always does. On the bill you receive from the supper club you will find a place for a gratuity to be added and if you have had exceptional service………..which again I hope you always receive………….so, it is included but if you wish to give something extra………..it is appreciated.
My apologies for the wrong information………..you learn something new every day.
So the two two-day cruises were a huge success and I am sure the captain and crew of the Carnival Splendor would love to get straight back to normal cruising after their 49-day voyage around South America and these two fun but very busy cruises. But they can’t.
Tomorrow VH1 which apparently is like MTV but without the word “pimp” in every show title is coming onboard to film John Mayer in concert. Now, I am sorry to say I know as much about this apparent singing sensation then I do about the reproductive system of the lesser spotted dung beetle. However, I do know that he is massively popular and has dated Jennifer Aniston and I can’t wait to welcome him on board.
There are other stars will attend such as Jordin Sparks who apparently is an Idol person, Gavin Rossdale, my mate Kevin from Grey’s ER and a few other surprises I’m told. Stephanie will be here with a video crew and we will film whatever we can for the blog ………………exciting, isn’t it?……………..personally I would rather be home in my chair watching the Miami Heat, eating a big bowl of chips and pestering my wife by flicking boogers at her……………..she hates that. But tonight we will be paparazzi waiting to catch a Winona Ryder shoplifting moment. What we will actually get is something mundane like John Mayer eating a croissant. Not very exciting, which is why we will have to be the new generation of paparazzi who try to make things happen by picking fights and “creating” situations.
I am sure if I was to ask someone who is worldwide famous, I mean properly famous, they would tell me that the single greatest gift God gave to a human being was anonymity. The ability to walk into a restaurant without being pointed at. The comfort blanket of being able to make a phone call safe in the knowledge that nobody else is listening — because nobody else cares about what you have to say.
Anonymity? Ask Angelina Jolie, or Brad Pitt, or Pee Diddly, and they’ll tell you that it’s more precious than any Bentley, mansion or a diamond encrusted Jacob watch.
Oh, you see all those silly, half-naked soap stars desperately trying to attract the attention of the paparazzi at a Waffle House. But if they were to really make it, if they really were to become a household name with a household face and a household love life, if we really were to find out what they have for their breakfast and where they are every minute of every single day, and what text messages are stored on their cell phone, they’d go absolutely nuts.
I’m not famous, but I do know a lot of people and that’s enough to make my life difficult on occasion. Chiefly because sometimes I forget myself and I think I am famous.
Do you remember the story from the Carnival Splendor last year? I had been signing photos, etc. for quite some time when someone else said: “Do you think I could have your signature?”
“Sure,” I replied, with a huge grin. So, snatching up the piece of paper he was holding, I wrote: “Hope you had fun, Cheers, John.”
“No,”said a puzzled bar waiter… “Could I please have your signature for the drinks you have bought?”
There is the famous story of a bit part actor from the Sopranos (he played Jackie’s son who was whacked for selling drugs) lying on a sun lounger, generally taking in some Caribbean rays, when he noticed the telltale glint of a paparazzi lens in the bushes. Angrily, he threw down my book and stomped over to express his displeasure.
Sadly, it was a wasted journey because when he had finished shouting and punching the photographer, the poor guy explained he hadn’t a clue who he was and had been photographing someone called Heidi Klum, whose bikini top had slipped down a little.
Can any one of these Madonna wannabes imagine what it would be like to be photographed every single time they walk out of the house, and how they would cope when the assistant in the local underwear shop telephones the newspapers to tell them what color G String they’ve just bought?
Anyway……….tonight I will become a paparazzi……………………..I am hoping Judge Judy shows up and we can get a “up skirt shot” as she gets out of her limo.
Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and the Thingy
Filed under: Alaska, Destinations, Tales from the Ship, Travel | Tagged: Alaska, Carnival Splendor, Carnival Pride, Carnival Dream, Baltimore, VH1, John Mayer
Hi John!!
Tell your friend Kevin that he has fans here in PR specially Viviana that calls him the hot army doctor. Enjoy your night!! We will waiting for the report.
Muchos huggos
Nanni
John, Tell Gerry to forget the table top magicians. When eating our dinner we don’t have time to stop and watch them make a quarter come out of my ear. We had one of these on a Carnival cruise a few years back and nobody at the table enjoyed the interuption.
BIG ED
I hope you got enough power on the Lido deck for all the equiptment I see there for the concert.
John… that last line made me gag… and laugh but mainly gag…
I read that Carnival’s profits were up 10% last quarter! Bravo! Maybe the folks at Pay-For-Room-Service of the Seas will see the wisdom in discounting cabins and sailing with full ships… but I doubt it. Common sense doesn’t seem to spread rapidly.
I’m looking forward to the pictures and videos tomorrow! We all love the videos!!!
If you can manage, could you interview a few of the housekeeping staff or the waiters? I think they deserve a few minutes in the sun!!
Thanks so much!!!
Ciao!
Host Mach
Literally just got off the Carnival Splendor (2 day travel agent cruise to nowhere, now home in San Diego. Thanks John for taking a few moments from your breakfast to say hello. My friend and I had sailed on the second voyage of the Carnival Freedom in Europe (Feb. of 2007), and that is where I first saw you perform and heard Ken sing.
I wanted to tell you how much fun the last two nights were…the first night is still a bit of a blur (overconsumption of spirits-oh my), but I remember lots of dancing and laughter and fun people. Last night’s production number VROOM was amazing, fab costumes and great talent, very high energy. One of my favorite moments was hearing Ken sing again in the Gold Pearl Dining room, followed by wait staff performing to the music from Slumdog Millionaire. Again, lots of smiles and great upbeat energy. Our waiter Edwin and his assistant were fun, friendly and professional. Best to you, Heidi and Thingy!
nicely said john. you’d think the world was fixing to destruct by watching the news. I think if everyone would just shut up things just might get better.
Hi John!
I read today about the company pulling back on Alaska voyages due to the $50 tax per head (in the USA Today).
Enjoy the big VH1 show. I hope we get to see you on TV. John Mayer is a huge star.
Sadly, the ”papz” will be out in full force annoying everyone.
Take care and good luck.
David
John:
Oddly enough, when times get a little tough economically….those are the times when “value” truly shines through.
I believe that is what people, who have never cruised, would discover if they gave Carnival a chance.
I do not believe there is a better value for the vacation dollar than Carnival.
With only 17% of Americans that have cruised, that leaves a lot of new prospective guests to draw from!!
I am with Big Ed on the “entertainment” at dinner. (less is more)
As for “celebrity”…. I am never understood why anyone would want to know most of the stuff the “entertainment media” writes about and takes pictures of. I guess I have a different definition of “celebrity”.
Someone who impresses me is the man or woman who works hard everyday, takes care of their family and raises their children to be young people of character and honor. Now THAT is someone worthy of a red carpet.
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
Hi John, I want you to know that I agree people should spend money. Heavens knows I have done my share of spending money to help the economy. Dave on the other hand disagrees with us. Too bad that makes it two to one. We win.
)
Jo
Hi John: We had a Magician come to our table on the Valor, however all his tricks we had already seen, since Prince Charlie (Empress Bee’s hubby) does these magic tricks, and I must say Charlie is a lot better at it, so tell Carnival to save their money when it comes to Table Magicians in the Dining rooms. I thought you were leaving for home tomorrow? Can’t wait for the video’s. Jordin Sparks won American Idol last year, she is a beautiful young lady. Linda & Mike
John,
My husband and I are doing our part to stimulate the economy. We sail on the Valor May 24th. We had hoped to take one of your cruises this spring as we have become huge fans through the blog. This will be the 6th cruise on Carnival. We rewarded ourselves with a suite for the first time. Since circumstances prevent us from celebrating our anniversary on the actual date of December 21st, our circumstance is a 2 year old granddaughter born on that date, we will take this opportunity to celebrate 35 years of marriage. I can’t wait to get on the ship but I do wish you were the cruise director.
John,
You already have Table Top Magicians in the dining rooms. Have you seen how quickly food disappears off their plates?
What ever happened to the Random Acts of Kindness? To me that would give Carnival more benefits and goodwill than the Magicians would. Plus it would be cheaper in the long run, you would have to feed or shelter them.
Dave
[...] Gerry Makes You Feel Good So I feel a lot better today about the world we live in despite AIG fund managers making my savings hit the floor [...] [...]
John,
My hat is off to the WONDERFUL PEOPLE of Carnival. In this day and age it is refreshing to hear from a CEO that takes good care of his company, his people, and his customers. It’s nice to hear from someone that is upbeat about the future. Many thanks to you and all the great people that are Carnival Cruise Lines!
Best to you, Heidi and the Thingy.
Did I miss an announcement about Carnival changing its booking system. I was trying to book a cruise and have been told as of this past Saturday one now has to book a specific room on the level wanted and can no longer book open assignment and wait to see if any free level upgrades may be available prior to the cruise.
Hi John,
I can’t wait to support the economy on my Valor cruise in 9 days! I’m a John Mayer fan! If you find yourself with one of his guitar picks or something, leave it under the coaster in my stateroom for me.
Christine
Sorry but I agree with the others regarding magicians in the dining room. Save the money.
Hi John,
First, I’d like to say thank you for your creative and fun blog. I started reading them a few weeks ago, after my father surprised us with a family trip on a CC. Now I am addicted to your blog, they make me laugh-out-loud at my desk and I find myself looking forward to the next one! So- thank you for the smiles.
Second, as I mentioned above, my father wanted to do his part to stimulate the economy- and booked a CC for his family (10 of us are traveling together; 7 adults, 3 kids). We are going on the Freedom, April 25, and I had two questions regarding the cruise that I hope you can help me with. First off, we were wondering what nights are the formal nights (we are trying to organize a Birthday Dinner for my sister, who’s birthday is April 27th, and would like to plan to celebrate it on a formal night).
Secondly, my parents are booked in a Cat 12 Suite, and then we have 3 other cabins as well. I understand that the Suite gets ‘VIP’ check-in- but since he booked all 4 rooms, does that mean we all get ‘VIP’ Check-In? Just thought I’d ask.
Thanks again for the smiles, and I look forward to hearing back!
Sincerely,
Allison
Well, John, I truly enjoy your posts. Some of us have lost our jobs and however frequently we have taken cruises in the past, we cannot take them now.
As you know banks do not keep our money. They leverage it. The Bernie Madoff thing cost something like $65b. Now delightful and articulate and dishonest as he was, he did not take in $65 billion. That was the amount he told his investors they were worth.
There was no real money there, of course, but there was fake money and that can be leveraged. For example, if I could prove to the bank that Bernie Madoff’s firm said that I had $100k, I could leverage that into a $500k house. So even though it wasn’t real money it was leverageable money.
I know you are an elegant and wonderful salesman for Carnival. I suspect Carnival will have to cut back and lower prices and probably even raise its level of service (although except for dining and guest relations) I’ve never had any problems.
Hi Rock Star’s John and Jamie!
I hope you both are surviving the madness…poor things. My cabin steward was absolutely quaking with excitement when we said our good byes. The buses were already lining up in the parking lot as we left.
John~~I just wanted to say a BIG thank you for a great time on the Cruise to Nowhere. It was a pleasure finally meeting you, even though you stood us up for dessert! (I have already forgiven you , I know you hurt your back and were sooo very busy….) You did look very tired, I hope your back heals quickly…please take care of yourself, you have some important work ahead of you in April you know….coaching Heidi and surviving her vise like grips of your hands or arms can hurt worse if your back is already achy…. chuckles.
Jamie~~I really enjoyed meeting you too! You are such a sweet thing, I can see why everyone loves you! I found those pictures I was looking for! I *wink wink* Did I mention blonde hair, green eyes and tall. Let me know how to get them to you!
NOW I wanted to talk seriously about a WEST COAST Bloggers cruise, I mean really WHY does the Gulf and East coast get all the fun? We could do an Alaska trip and Heidi and “Thingy” could come too (I know you have always wanted to go to Alaska), or take the Splendor to sunny Mexico, or the Spirit to Hawaii, or Elation on one of those new 5 days…..? Come on Mach and Big Ed help me on this…???? Pretty please?
Nancy and Pete too!
John,
Since you always say this is our blog and you value our opinions, we want to give you ours about the magicians in the dining rooms. We don’t have enough time to eat as it is and just about the time you take a bite of salad, here comes the photographer to take a picture. They make you smile and you have lettuce sticking in your teeth! We know that Carnival is just trying to entertain us but really, we don’t have time to stop and watch the magician and then eat all our food. We want to enjoy the great food they serve. The lounges or hallways would be a better place to have them entertain us. We sail in five more days! Woo Hoo!
Mike & Lori
John,
The table magicians must act at the right time to be effective. No one wants an interuption during their meal. It tends to get cold, as you divert your attention. But if he/she was to appear between entree’ and dessert that may be a bit more tolerable. Also he/she should seek permission to perform. If I don’t want to be bothered, I will thank them and send them off to the next table. Same way I send the booze peddlers away. We experienced a table top magician on the Splendor during the Baltic cruise. He was very good, did not stay at the table long, came in between courses and overall was very enjoyable. I am sure Carnival did not spend a lot of money, as the cruise was 12 days long and we only saw the guy one time. I like the idea as long as parameters are set amd adhered to.
Mike and Jet
John…just got off the two-day Splendor CTN – your interviews were great. This is the first opportunity I have had to sail with you, and you lived up to your reputation…and Gerry Cahill’s comments left me feeling better too.
Thanks so much
John {{{{please answer}}}}
When will Carnival post the June 2010 schedule for the New Orleans port????????
PLEASE, PLEASE TELL!!!
Melody