Just before I start today’s blog I want to mention the comment I posted yesterday from a chap called Kevin who said that Carnival Corporation ships were all the same. Well, I guess a friend of Kevin’s ………a lady with the screen name “Denvercruiser25″ wrote to me agreeing with what he had said. I won’t bother actually showing you what she wrote as it’s obviously been written by someone who is very angry at me and the world and who says “RCI does everything better” I have a feeling that she may be one of those Royal Champion folks – who knows? – and having made fun of them as I have done previously I am not surprised that some don’t like me very much……..and I am sorry for that.
What I didn’t understand is, just like Kevin this lady states “all Carnival Corporation vessels are exactly the same just with different names on the side.” I thought long and hard about this and have written a deleted many different responses some lengthy and detailed and some that really were very defensive which I don’t think I need to be …………..finally, I decided to just say this:
Carnival Corporation is: Carnival Cruise Lines, Costa Cruise Lines, Holland America Line, Cunard, The Yachts of Seabourn, Princess Cruise Lines and P & O………..Imagine a superb and comprising of Mick Jagger, Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, Rick Wakeman, Freddie Mercury, Phil Collins and Jimi Hendrix. ……….that’s Carnival Corp. ……….. and dare I say RCI and Celebrity is ummmm………..Milli Vanilli.
Today’s blog is going to be a bit different. It’s Saturday and I know many of you won’t actually read this to Monday when you are at work. So, I thought I would take this opportunity to talk to you about my Friday. I will tell you now……..there will be bugger all talk about the cruise industry, dinning options or the Royal Champions………..nope, this is a cruise free blog and its all going to be about the joys and horrors of having a Thingy.
This afternoon I went with Heidi to her Ante Natal class where supposedly a pretty nurse talks to you about what you can expect to happen before, during and after the Thingy enters this wonderful world. I was already expecting a difficult day and had been warned under pain of a massive kick in the bollocks by Heidi….if I did anything to embarrass her.
It wasn’t an easy start though as the pretty nurse I had been expecting was called Dave. I am sure he is a brilliant baby nurse but why couldn’t I have a Swedish nymphomaniac called Helga. And then there were the other couples who were attending the class. Heidi knew them all because this was her fifth class and that made me “the stranger” and I am sure many of them looked at me as though I was a completely selfish bastard for not coming to the previous classes.
And how pregnant women carry on as if nobody had ever had a baby before in the entire history of the world? Two of them spent the entire five hours showing off the whole time; sticking out their big bellies to display their total lack of stretch marks; going about in ultra tight clothes just to prove what great bums they’ve got. Why? I mean, it doesn’t exactly take talent to get pregnant, does it? Rabbits do it all the time – and back in the day women used to have the kid and go right back to the fields – for heaven’s sake.
One of the girls in the class was so young and I looked at the benign resignation etched on her face ……the same face that still lights up at Scooby-Doo cartoons.
Now, I should explain that the classes she has been attending are private ones you have to pay for and not the fee ones that are provided by the UK’s National Health system. …………….. £200 ($310) no less………….and it was a horror show.
We talked about crapping and crying and helped our wives (or “partners” as Dave politically correctly kept saying) to lie across large rubber balls and while they hummed we had to massage their backs in preparation for the big day. Here are some of the information Dave gave us……………with my feelings added next to them.
HOSPITAL
Choose it on the basis of how clean the toilets are. ………………..well, they won’t be very clean after I crap myself while watching the Thingy being pulled out with a turkey baster.
If you push like they do on the telly, you get told off. …………….then why do they show it on ER then? I always had a suspicion that George Clooney and Kevin McKidd weren’t real doctors.
Some midwives follow birth plans, some don’t even bother to read them. ………..that’s not surprising considering that most midwives here in the UK are from Poland and can’t read English.
SELF-KNOWLEDGE
I can bear an incredible amount of pain and still live………….Well Dave, if you don’t get Heidi the machine that goes ping and give me 23 epidoodles you will feel a lot of pain when I strangle you with your stethoscope.
PARTNER’S ROLE
He should cut the cord, it’s a true sign of love………….true love my arse. It’s a true sign of a man who has a Hannibal Lecter fetish. The only thing I will be cutting is the cheese because I have a feeling my arse will be playing merry hell with me through the whole event
Your partner should video the birth……………..
This is not a spectator sport and even if I did film it who the hell am I going to show it to? Do you think that when he or she is 12 years old I am going to grab some popcorn, gather the family together and show the Thingy his Mum’s lady garden? My back will be turned ………….I don’t want to see anything that’s going on down …………..there so Dave ………… you can bugger off…………………The words dignity and labor have no connection.
LESSONS LEARNED TOO LATE
If you get up before the epidural has worn off, you end up flat on your face. …………… Don’t worry Dave……..I will be careful…..thanks for the tip.
Goodness me…………there was so much to take in…………take bottoms for example. Apparently I am going to be finding myself responsible for more poo than the keeper of an elephant enclosure at a zoo. Dave told us not to worry though saying things that would once have made you gag are now mild inconveniences. According to Dave at 3 am, when your youngest, all snugly next to you, covers your side of the bed in a wet, warm pool of piss, you don’t leap out and strip the sheets.
Oh no — you stagger to the bathroom, grab a few towels, cover the wet patch and go back to sleep. You get to the stage when having “a little bit of piss on your pants is normal.” And then I started to think about all the times in the future that I will get used to sharing a toilet cubicle with at least one other person, If the Thingy is a boy, at some time, I have to hold his thingy when he goes to the toilet and I haven’t done that since 1985 when my friend Alan was so drunk I had to help him…………………..twice.
It’s now finally sunk in. Up until today its all been a bit of a dream………a bit unreal ….. but now the stark truth has really hit home…………..I am going to be a Daddy. I am going to be like those other people I see who don’t appear to have washed or ironed their clothes? They call each other “Mummy” and “Daddy,” even though they once had names of their own. Their vocabulary now consists of a series of stock phrases: “You can’t have another Star Wars Robot Death Star Space Ship” or “You can have an ice cream, but only if you eat your broccoli.” I used to just smile when I saw them but now……….I think of them differently. They’ve been up since 6 am and they probably haven’t had rumpy pumpy for, ooh, about two years……………………bloody hell!
I am used to making a fool of myself on stage but now I have to do it and not get paid for it. Once the Thingy is born I will have to talk in that stupid Michael Jackson-type voice uttering words like “who’s apwetty baby wen” and “baby done a caca nasty foo foo.” when it craps itself. And soon I will have to snort like a piggy-wig, neigh like a horse, run through the park shouting “Here comes the blubber-monster.” Sounds like a Dantesque vision of Hell…………….especially the running bit.
Heidi has also warned me that despite what the manuals tell you, pregnancy is not a round trip return journey. Her back may go; she may get brown spots on her skin. There may be whole areas of her body that I may no longer recognize: So then according to my wife unless you work at it like Madonna, she will never be box-fresh again ………… how does old Madge do it I asked………….”Simple,” said Heidi………”24-hour child care.”
Then there is the word “sleep.” Unless you happen to be Delta Force trained, there is apparently nothing that can prepare you for the effects of the prolonged sleep deprivation that comes with having children. They will wake you once, twice, three times in the night so as to inflict maximum damage. Should you attempt any sort of rumpy pumpy, you can guarantee that the Thingy will wake up just as you are about to start.
I have been blogging in jest of course but the one serious part of Dave’s class today was dealing with fear. The most agonizing aspect of parenthood is the terrible fear that you may lose your child. There is little I can do about this, except push it to the back of my mind, avoid listening to certain news reports ……….and pray that it never happens to me.
So we have our birthing plan written out and went through all the things we will need to take to the hospital. Then Heidi and I discussed the role I would play during the first few weeks the Thingy is at home with us. Some I can handle but the one that sent honest to goodness waves of horror through me was that apparently Heidi will be too tired to do the grocery shopping………….so I will have to do it. And as a test……..she sent me to the supermarket today to see if I came back with everything she had written on her list.
Now, regular readers of the blog thingy will now that I hate any kind of shopping but especially I hate grocery shopping…………I would rather sleep in a 100-square-foot cabin that is perched on top of a climbing wall then go shopping in a supermarket.
Off I went doing what I was told to do and not quite understanding why Heidi said that she wouldn’t be able to go shopping the day after the Thingy is born. Surprisingly though all was going well and apart from my inability to know where to find the “nipple pads” which as I thought were not in fact next to the milk all was going well until I reached the check out………..because apparently…………while I was away our double chinned Prime Minister had banned supermarkets from providing plastic carrier bags…………..
Apparently you now have to bring your own………….thus protecting the environment and saving Peter the Polar Bear from having to live in a refrigerator………………….but nobody had told me and it was only after loading the conveyor belt up with dozens of items that the 15-year-old Polish check out girl told me that I either had to go over to the other side of the “supermarketski” or purchase bio degradable “bags for life” that cost $1.75 each. I would have gone for the cardboard box but I doubt that would have pleased the three people standing in line behind me……..so I became a friend of the earth…………thanks for not telling me Heidi.
The trouble is that while I support any move to rid the world of carrier bags – and shopping in general for that matter – I cannot think of an alternative. If you have been to the supermarket for your weekly groceries, how else are you supposed to carry them home? Especially if you are older or have to walk or use public transport.
Brown paper is one suggestion but it really works only in places such as Arizona. Here, where there is rain, it quickly becomes soggy – and then it has the strength of an asthmatic ant.
And on the journey home I thought about all the packaging. A cauliflower, for instance, does not need its own Michael Jackson-style oxygen tent. It will not run off if placed on a shelf naked. Nor will it be embarrassed.
However, I returned home with everything on the list including the nipple pads which as the Polish 15 year old placed under her scanner I grabbed my left tit and said…………”it’s leaking.”………..she was not amusedski.
And so it’s been a long and quite exhausting day and my mind is awash with emotion. I promised Heidi and myself that before I go to sleep every night I will read some articles in my “Dad” magazine but after last night I just can’t. Before I tell you why I want to say thanks to Jodi Cleghorn who posted a wonderful comment on the blog. She is co author of a book and I wanted to thank her for taking the time to supply me with some frank insights on what to expect. I should listen to her and throw away Dad magazine
That’s because according to feature writer Brenda Melling quite a lot of women don’t really feel like having rampant rumpy pumpy after giving birth. Or even non-rampant rumpy pumpy. Or even, you know, groping. Apparently their minds will be on sanitary pads, sore nipples, baby poo and sleep deprivation. That’s not the worst bit though. The magazine went into clear and graphic detail that for the first few months after giving birth that rumpy pumpy were it to actually happen may be like throwing a banana down the Grand Canyon.
Have a brilliant weekend and normal blogging service will return on Monday.
Goodnight
Your Friends
John, Heidi and The Thingy.
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
Dear John….PLEASE REPLY
I keep coming up with questions, so I hope you don’t mind answering them. I was on the Carnival Destiny March 23rd to 28th and one of our shore excursions, snorkelling from Half Moon Cay, was cancelled. In fact many of the shore excursions that day were cancelled that day due to mechanical problems. Instead we spent our day on the gorgeous beach and the staff provided a wonderful barbeque for everyone. My question is whether the barbeque is a normal thing that happens when the ships arrive at Half Moon Cay, or any other private island or was it only because so many people didn’t get their shore excursions that day? We didn’t miss out on the snorkelling as we did it the next day at Grand Turks, but I loved the whole day spent on the beach and if it’s the normal thing that happens then I’ll be booking my next cruise to the Carribean as soon as possible. BTW which other cruises go to other private islands, so I know what to choose?
Thanks…Irene (Hooked on cruising)
John – don’t you find it curious that “Kevin” and “Denvercruiser25″ are lurking around your blog if they have never cruised on Carnival? How do they know all the ships look alike if they’ve never been on one? I definitely think you are right in that they are an RCCL champion.
As usual, I always enjoy your wit and humor and look forward to your daily trials and tribulations of becoming a Dad.
John Please reply,
John, We are finally taking that extended family cruise Jan of 2010 on the Splendor out of Long Beach. I have a few questions. I read somewhere that the Splendor has a “chicken rotisserie” rather than a Fish & Chips selection. Is that true? I’ll be bummed if there are no Fish & Chips.
Anyway, my second question is that we have no sailed out of Long Beach for about 3 years. I remember we had to stand in long megalines outside of the terminal “dome” before boarding. I’m a Platinum member now, but I remember even they were standing in there own line outside with the rest of us. My question is, has that changed? Is there now seating inside the dome similar to the Miami terminal?
Thanks,
Eric
Dear John,
After reading your blog I felt I just had to comment. I am a cashier at a supermarket in Calgary, Alberta. Many of our customers use their own bags these days, and I have no problem with that. I just wish some people would wash their bags occasionally as there’s nothing worse then having to put fresh groceries into a smelly and dirty bag. Here we have to bag the groceries for the customers, so if they had to do it themselves like you do in England, I am sure they would realise how revolting it can be.
All the best to you and Heidi.
Irene (hooked on crusiing)
John:
Welcome to the joys of parenthood.
And not to put to fine a point on it….you ain’t heard or seen “nothin’ yet”! LOL
Btw, I don’t know if I am just in a generous mood or just extra compassionate today….but I believe we need to cut Kevin and his deluded defender (Denver of the Seas) some slack today.
I mean…it has to be hard to read on Cruise Critic that every other post is someone fed up with RCCL and moving over to Carnival. At this rate, pretty soon the Royal Chimps are the only “trained” guests RCCL will have left to spout their childish diatribes.
Sorry my comment is so short today. I have important things to do….like fill out our Fun Pass and send in our Stockholder’s OBC request for next month’s cruise!!! (on Carnival of course)
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
John,
You know… I sort of like having many of the Carnival vessels laid out about the same way. I can be somewhat “directionally challenged” so it’s nice to know my way around the ship even if I have never been on that particular ship before. There *are* subtle differences I know and the decor varies so much from ship to ship I don’t feel like I’m on a repeat.
Just thought I’d put a positive spin on it.
Sounds like they are just cranky because they have to pay for their steaks!
Good luck with fatherhood! You’ll be perfect! All of the other kids in school will want to hang around with your child so they can come and listen to all of your stories.
I have found through all of my years that you have to have a sense of humor to survive all of the years of parenthood.
Judy
PLEASE REPLY JOHN
Good morning John. First of all, what is wrong with these people that hate Carnival? If they have a problem go see a doctor. I thought your Milli Vanilli statement was excellent. I know that I enjoy the rooms on the balcony as compared to the other cruise lines. Many of my friend who have gone on a cruise on the other lines tell me that their rooms were very small and want to know why I had larger cabins. My answer is always the same, I went on Carnival that’s why.
Could please answer this question for me John. Since Carnival will now have anytime dinner will that mean that since I’ve chosen the late dinner will that mean my waiter no longer have the time as they had before since they will be running around for evrybody at any time? I really enjoyed the chance of knowing my waiter and he/she about me. That was the fun of enjoying dinner as well as the fantastic food.. Another question I have is since the Dream is a larger ship, when we arrive at an island we have to tender won’t that mean longer times and more confusion?
Last but not least my friend, don’t worry about anything about thingy’s birth. Just enjoy the process. You’ll be probably excited and worried for the baby as well as Heidi but all will take place in a place of awe but on ce it’s finished you be happy that you were there and suddenly realize that now you have your new child and a beautiful wife that gave you that child. Happiness will be yours. All the other things will be tough at the beginning but even that is happy. I say to you John, ride the wave of birth.You may fall off at times but just get up and ride it again. Just remember, that beautiful baby will eventually smile and call you daddy.
Paul F. Pietrangelo
John, I can see that this blog is going to be a must read blog over the next few months. You are going to keep us in stitches telling us about every new thing that happens. I just can’t wait till you get that first golden shower while changing a nappie if the Thingy come with a thingy. It has happened to all of us at on time or another. Pat and I laugh or arses off every time we see that commercial with a dad changing a nappie and the baby hosing down the whole room. We both just look at each other and say John will get his turn.
Now as for the video of the Thingy arriving we all want to see it so you better not pass out and drop the camera. Better yet have Mr. Hair come over there and give us a live streaming video feed of it.
Looking forward to you telling us about you having a fun night just watching the Thingy moving around in the belly bump.
Give Heidi and Thingy a BIG ED Huggo.
BIG ED
Hi John!
Thanks for another life lesson. Yikes!
I have taken on store responsibilities as well ove the past year. Welcome to the club.
Good luck getting prepared.
Have a nice rest of the weekend with Heidi/Thingy.
Take care!
David
you’ll do fine john. you have a great love for your family and that is the first thing you need. nipple pads are only second.
next saturday we leave for the pride! we squeezed in a seventh cruise this season. woo hoo! then it’s off to watch leaves grow in podunk.
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
John, the folks at RCI have little to cheer about these days. First, the thing with their ‘Champions’ (not saying it’s right or wrong but if it quacks like a duck…) then taking away perks galore from their most loyal customers, well, just expect more childish attacks over the success of Carnival…
I have never had the privilege of being a dad so, even though I understand all of the difficulties, and societally generated nonsense, that accompany parenthood, I envy you…
Have a wonderful day away from the Blog with Heidi and The Thingy!!!
Ciao, my friend!!
Host Mach
Dear John & Heidi
Thank you Joh for saying so gracefully what I was trying to say yesterday sometimes these people don;t realize how large the Carnival Corp Umbrella really is…..
and DEAR JOHN Reality has set in WELCOME to Parenthood, the reality and fear is setting in now, thingy is at a stage where should he or she come, The technology is really ready to support the life you have created.That and all the books in the world cannot prepare you for the actuality of parenthood, for no schedule and no plan and no instruction book comes with them. You just wing it!
Thank you for the chuckles today at your expense. We love you!
The Tuckers
Elizabeth & Arnold
Elizabeth
hi john well i love u. u r cool but u bitch to much. lol when the baby comes its not about u or heidi anymore its about the baby. and u will be scared of losing the kid my son is 3 and i still have dreams i lost him its scary. and get used to doing stuff for heidi and the baby.she will be resting and sour for atleast 6 weeks she cant do much. and how hard is it to go to a store read the paper and get whats on it.and heidi becarful it dont hapen to everyone but somepeople get postpartum deprestion.i never did .my son was 4 months old when i first took him anywhere. and some babys cry a lot some dont.my son started teething at 2 months first tooth at 4 months that was rough.but gl to u both. and i cant wait till he or she is born. hope u picked some names.and talking baby talk dont help much i talked plane to my kids all the time they learned to talk at 6 months plane as day my son said hi. lol my dugter said hi also shes older.i have never sailed with anyone but carnival but in 2 yrs i will when we go to hawii. princess.and i feel like im cheating on carnival lol. have a good day and weekend john and heidi.
John please reply…..
I need some help organizing a meet in greet on our cruise on the Dream. However, I don’t know if someone else has already contacted you about it. There are about 100 of us that have met on the cruisecritic message boards. We are booked on the October 3rd sailing of the Carnival Dream. We are a very lively bunch and are looking forward to meeting each other on board the new ship.
Hi John!
I wonder what brings your new best buddy Kevin and friends to your blog, anyway? Hmmm…
OK so my husband and I are in our 30′s. When we were younger we never wanted to get married. Then we met eachother and fell in love. After a week of dating he asked me to marry him. In June we will be married 14 years. We both said from the very beginning that we did not want children. We’re sticking to it! People ask us why. We tell them we’re too spoiled to have children. After reading everything you just said… I am SO GLAD we stuck to it! Other peoples children is perfectly fine. I was laughing and saying ewwwwww a lot while reading your blog today. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it as usual… but… ewwwwww….
We’ll all be here for support through your sleepless nights…. I can’t wait to hear your baby stories!!
Sending you all the best through your learning experience!! And sending Heidi all the patience she will need with you!! =)
Ah John, you are going to make a great Dad even with sleep deprivation, dirty diapers, endless laundry and everything else there is associated with new babies. Your life will never be the same again. What you thought was important before; will no longer matter. Having a baby changes everything. They are the center of attention you are not. Your friends will come and visit and the first thing they will say is “how is the baby and Heidi”? Sometimes Dad’s get the short end of the stick when a new baby comes. It is all about the baby and Mom. I hope that does not happen to you. You are going to love being a Dad, and I honestly think you are going to make a great one. Your sense of humor is going to come in very handy, trust me on that
Try not to worry to much. You can read all the books in the world but when that baby comes home it truly is trial and error. When you buy anything they give you a set of instructions. When you have a baby then they send you home and say “good luck”.
You and Heidi are truly going to make wonderful parents. The first three months truly are the hardest. You are both ready for this and you are going to be just fine. Take a deep breath, and welcome to Fatherhood.
Keep smiling John, you truly are one of the good guys.
My best to Heidi.
Hi John,
Has anyone told you that if Thingy is a boy you need to be very very careful when changing his diaper. Otherwise, you could be showered with something other than blessings.
Florence
Just a word today about your “birth plan”. I don’t want to put a damper on your excitement, but here in California, if a woman walks into the hospital in labor and has a “birth plan”, it is like saying, “Get the C-section room ready”, to all the nurses. Most of us HATE written birth plans–1. I want to do everything natural, 2. I want my husband to cut the cord, 3. I only want apple juice to drink, nothing else, 4. I only want my husband at the bedside, 5. I don’t want anyone to talk while I am pushing the baby out, but if it is absolutely necessary, you must only talk in whispers, 6. I do not want an epidural, even if I beg you for one, don’t let me have one, 7. I don’t want to shower for 2 days after I give birth, 8. I don’t want my baby to have a bath, please just massage all of the fluids into his or her skin, 9. I want the baby to go immediately to breast after it’s birth, etc., etc., etc. In my experience, those with the long birth plans, usually end up having a c-section because they are so rigid in their expectations and wants. Those that come in and “roll with it”, usually do much better. Your midwife or labor nurse has done this numerous times and is a good person to advise you. I wish you a very pleasant, peaceful birth, and hope that everything goes as you plan.
Sheryl
JOHN – REPLY OPTIONAL
I understand where you are these days, my friend. Your comments bring back memories of Mrs. MTSFP’s pregnancy and my mixed emotions about my participation.
Having been in health care my entire adult life, and assisted at a few births as part of that experience, I had very little desire to be an active participant in the experience. I am forever thankful that the Mrs’ OB/GYN (thank you, Dr. Spitz) made an effort to get me involved to the point that he was going to allow me to deliver the thingy of all was going well (circumstances, none of which had to do with our baby, prevented that experience).
However, when it came time to cut the umbilical cord, Dr. Spitz looked at me (not the nurse) and instructed me to cut the cord. Despite the chaos that was going on around us (too many patients, only one doctor), he still remembered his offer and did his best to meet this promise. I am forever thankful that he did.
My advice – be as involved as you can possibly be. In hindsight, I realize that I came very close to taking myself out of the most joyful experience of my life – the birth of my pride and joy, who is, by the way, named after me (she has my middle name).
As for the rumpy-pumpy issue, I can’t give you any advice. It is a function of life, gringo, so learn to live with it. Just continue to love the original joy of your life as she nurtures the new joy of your life.
JustJon
Hi John,
You’re going to be a great Dad!!! And the shopping will get easier! Just make sure to pamper Heidi a lot. After you go back to work again… she has double duty! (Besides, you will love that little Thingy so much you won’t care that you have to do diaper duty too!)
Hello John:
Be strong mate. Is thingy moving the bed at night yet?
All the best to the soon to be best Da and Heidi best Mum.
I am here to tell you that the boy babies come with a high pressure thingy, amazing how high and how far it can stream when the cold air hits. Right in the face, but just once.
Heidi, zal u de zelfde organisatorische talenten brengen aan het baren die u brengt aan het behandelen van uw passagiers. De kinderen van rijpe ouders zijn zoeter.
This is great, enjoy yourselves.
Your Friend
Bill Heck
John,
Don’t let these other people scare you about becoming a parent. It all come natural. You will
be a great DAD. Just like being a great CD. We
have three children and two grandchildern and it wasn’t as hard as we thought.
I didn’t know there was any other cruise ships,
besides Carnival. HA! HA! Can’t hardly wait
until April 12th to be on the Valor . We always
enjoy reading your blogs.
If the Thingy is a boy could it possibly be John Jr. ? Give our love to Heidi and the thingy.
The Tomlinsons
First off…I am so excited for both of you anticipating the birth of your Thingy!
We are in San Juan tonite because we are boarding Princess’ Caribbean Princess tomorrow. I (based on personal experience) do not think all Carnival’s ship look the same! But, even if they were exactly the same, that would be awesome…why mess with perfection? For example, I love Spring Hill Suites because they are all the same and I feel “at home” in them. Someone needs to lighten up and fight a noble cause because your complaint doesn’t pass the sniff test with my family and friends! I’ll let you know how Princess measures up to Carnival…we hope it is “identical”…too bad Mr. Heald won’t be our CD…but we will surely find our CD wonerful too because my glass is always half-full!
-Tina
After many years of being known as myself, I have happily spent the last 6 years being known as “Jay’s Mom”. It was weird at first, finding this alternate identity that people now called me. But it is a very proud title and one that I know you will embrace. Except you will be “Thingy’s Dad”.
I’m proud that you made it through the Supermarket and your first supersecretagent mission. Just don’t add your own touches to the list, like smoked oysters.
June
Hi John and Stephanie,
I haven’t written in a long time but do read the blog regularly. John once again I am asking for your help. I will be taking my Mom, my Sister, My self, and Valentine (my service dog) on Carnivale Pride May 17th. I have spoken to special services about her “bathroom” needs but if can remind them that I bring my own box and just need the litter to be in my room when I get there it would help tremendously. Seems they can tend to forget, but never when you ask for it. “Hail King John!” LOL Should be a wonderful cruise. My mother wants to take at least 1 more Carnival cruise before she goes and wants my sister and I to travel with her. My sister has never been on a ship before. Should be interesting. Also John if you could help with a table for 4 close to the exit would be great as none of us can move very well anymore.
David and I will also be on the Dream doing a BTB med cruise the the T/A. What a wonderful trip that will be! We will also be Platinum members for the first time! YEA! I’ll probably be needing the same things in reguards to potty box an table help then too. You are just too wonderful at doing so much for us to be sure that we have a great cruise. We need about 10 or 12 more cruise directors just like you!!!
Tell Heidi that she looks great! Really glowing in her pictures! All of those stories about what a father and mother should and should not do are a laugh. That little one will let you know quite loudly if you do something even the slightest bit wrong. If you can RELAX you will do fine. Remember RELAX they can smell fear. shhhhh
Hope to see you soon,
Barbara
John,
You are just so funny! I have to say that poor Alan would have just had to “flip around like a dropped garden hose” if I were you!
You are going to make a great Dad! I can tell from meeting you. You always keep us laughing hard on this blog. And as many of us who have met you know, in person, you are a very warm loving affectionate guy. All good qualities needed to be a dad! I do want to offer one piece of advice.
I am a grandma of two beautiful girls. My daughter was sweet enough to let me witness their birth. You cannot imagine how special the moment is when you watch them come into the world. It truly warms your heart and makes it feel so full of love that if feels like it will burst. It will bring tears to your eyes. It creates a bond that is unbelieveable. I know you will bond with your baby anyway. But please please don’t miss this very special moment. You will not even remember the yucky stuff. Your heart will be so full of love, come on John…
man up and JUST DO IT! Trust me, you will never in your life forget it or regret it!
I have not had the pleasure of meeting Heidi but please be there with her in this special moment. Tell her Edy said Hi, and even though we have never met, tell her she looks beautiful and has that special mommy glow about her!
thanks again for making me smile ,
Edy
I have never laughed so much, you are a bundle of jokes! Does Heidi read your blogs before you post them? If she read this one, I am sure she had a fit at some of the things you wrote! You will be a great dad John, don’t worry so much! Linda & Mike
Hi John,
It’s me, PennyB from New Orleans. Sorry I haven’t posted for a while but I have been trying to keep up with your blogs. I’m just happy you and Heidi are getting to the end of this fabulous journey. Your classes sound great and I’m sure the whole “educational thingy” will honestly be of help. Here is my piece of wisdom as a mom of three and Gram of six – copied from Carnival – “Buckle up, Buttercup!” You won’t believe the ride!
XXOO to Baby Heald
PennyB from New Orleans
Hi John,
I was not going to write again concerning my upcoming Pride Cruise, and the pricing issue I have had….
but I wanted to share something with you.
I never did receive a call from Carnival. It is frustrating, yes. The answers I originally received from customer service seems to be the answer that I will need to accept after all.
I wanted to thank you, however, for your dedication to us loyal readers and everything you do.
But the reason I am writing…. is all of a sudden, it doesnt matter anymore.
I am writing to you while waiting for a phone call. Steve is in the hospital…. and awaiting a CAT Scan… they think it is his appendix. If they do get confirmation that the severe stomach pains he is having IS his appendix, he will have surgery either tonight or tomorrow morning.
If it IS his appendix, we will be so grateful, as he is a cancer survivor, and when he ends up in the hospital my mind races and I fear the worst.
So…. that being said…. suddenly, making a big deal over a couple hundred bucks doesn’t seem to matter.
Will be in touch…
Catrin
Please Reply
John,
Good Luck with the birth of the thingy. Do as Heidi says and you’ll be ok.
We just booked on Carnival Splendor departing on May 3, 2009 that is four weeks away. We are on the waitlist for a Table for 2 early sitting, which is undestandable booking so close to departure. My problem is the late sitting is too late for my husband to eat. If we do get late sitting we are considering the buffet. My question is… is the menu comparable to the menu in the dinning room? We realise, if we are at second sitting we can speak to the maitre d’ after boarding.
Thanks,
Wendy
John, Well I cannot disagree more with Kevin. Each ship has it’s uniques charm. Big or small no matter all are definately not the same. As far as Parenthood, well I for one cut the cords on both of my children. I will never forget the significance. However, as they grow-up there are challenges but now that both of my children are adults I can tell you they were a joy to raise and an even better to grow old with. They are priceless.
Send my best to Heidi and I wish you both the best and hope you find the same if not greater joy in bringing a life into this world.
Jim
Well when I got on my laptop as we departed Miami and left the Valor with happy memories, I found among 200 emails this fax/email concerning your posting one d
Hi John; I have been reading your blog since the beginning and even though I have only replyed once, I have enjoyed it all. Up until now, you are not taking about cruising and I love your blog even more, not that I don’t miss your crusie talk.
Reading everything about your upcoming son or daughter ‘s birth has brought me back to the days when I was there and how you remind me of husband and how he was leading up to the birth. Your killing me with your view of things. It is so refreshing to hear how men feel when going through this first time.
Love is all they both need, the rest will fall into place.
I am so happy for you and Heidi and hope all goes well in these final months, I know they will. Treasure every moment as they will go fast.
Mary
Thnaks, I needed that laugh today…Throwing a banana down the Grand Canyon?? OMG are you in trouble already. I truly can’t wait to hear all tis as it unfolds. I’m glad that your trip to the supermarket was successful!
Geez, the Royal Champions really like visiting this site but they aren’t finding any sympathizers here–just heard the latest is they have demoted their Diamond members benefits–charging for steaks and room service apparently wasn’t enough to stop the bleeding so now they are punishing the lushes that drink up all that free booze–now that should save them big bucks. And I agree when someone said even if they were all the same, we would like them because it was “home”.
I can not understand why someone who is so against Carnival is even looking at a Carnival website much less reading a Carnival blog. I am not against any other cruise line but I do not read or research their website because I am completely satisified with Carnival.
I have never been on a RCI cruise but have heard three different opinions–it was great; it was okay, but it is not Carnival; and it was awful. But unless I went myself, I have no right to an opinion just like Kevin and others who have never been on a Carnival cruise can not have a valid opinion.
It really does not matter what people say negative about something they have not experienced because it has no value and means nothing.
Please Reply
John,
I have read the gentleman’s post that infers that because Carnival Corporation uses similar ship design across the different cruise line that it owns the experience onboard is the same.
Let me begin by saying I disagree with his assessment, but do believe their is an opportunity to address the concern and educate the cruise going public.
First Carnival Corporation does use smilar ship design between its umbrella of companies. The question is, what exactly does that mean? Specifically it means the shell(hull), mechanics, and general floor plan of the ships are the same. The next question that needs to be asked is my experience on Holland America going to be the same as Cunard or is my experience on Carnival going to be the same as Costa. The answer is absolutely not. Each cruise line has its own decor, theme and for that matter its own personality. I wrote several weeks ago that Carnival Cruise Lines delivers on exactly how it markets itself. By the way so do Holland America, Cunard and Costa. Yet none of them are the same. Allow me to share an example outside the cruise industry.
John you have often written about your expoits of flying between England and the states. Most international airlines fly either the Boeing 747 or 777 on these routes. The airplanes are the same. Yet each airline offers difffernt amendities, has different seat configurations (especially in first and business class) and vary greatly in the quality and selection of food.
In fairness to the gentleman who wrote the letter, if he simply dislikes a particular class of ship then maybe he has a point. I too have preferences when it comes to the size of ship etc. However as I read his post, his conclusion was same ship design plus same parent company equals same cruise experience. Sorry the math just doesn’t add up. Again each cruise line, for that matter each ship, has its own personality. Much of this has to do with the crew. I have been on ships where the crew is having fun and working as a cohesive unit. I have also been on trips where the crew was obviously just going through the motions. I can tell you a crew with a poor attitude will effect how much you enjoy your cruise far more than a floorplan.
Carnival Corporation delivers a large menu of cruise options through the various lines that it owns. Each provides its own unique experience, character and value to its guest. If the gentleman truly believes that a similar floorplan equates to an exact duplicate cruise experience than it is he who has the problem as it simply isn’t an acurate statement.
John I welcome your thoughts and best to you and your expanding family.
Stephen Smith
John,
I disagree with Kevin and if he had ever been on a Carnival Ship more than once, he would know that they are definately not all the same! Yes, some features such as the water park or Lido deck may be alike but so what? We love Carnival and won’t cruise any other line. Don’t listen to people like Kevin or let them upset you.
Mike & Lori
John,
I wanted to write to you about an employee that I think needs extra mentioning. My wife and I just returned from our 7th Carnival cruise on board the Carnival Liberty sailing March 28th to April 4th.
Let me first say, that we have encountered employees that we have seen on previous cruises and some have approached us remembering our faces but not our names. And also, I would also like to comment that we think all of the Carnival staff are great and give us their great experiences.
The one employee that I am referring to her name is Pong. She just returned to the Carnival Liberty and is an assistant waiter in the Silver Dining room. We had her as an assistant waiter on the Carnival Legend in September of 2007. We ran into her again in March of 2008 on the Carnival Victory when she was working in the morning in the buffet area and she approached us saying our names.
Well, on Sunday moring, March 29th, I was walking along the buffet area and heard someone saying my name and low and behold it was Pong. She asked where my wife and daughter were by name. I had told her that my daughter did not make the trip because this was our anniversary and she stayed at home.
I am so impressed that after all this time, and encountering thousands of passengers and employees every day since September 2007, that she still remembers what we look like and our names.
I am not sure what the requirements are for an employee to be promoted to head waiter, but I thought that you and Carnival should know about her.
Like I said, we have always had great service and friendship from all of your staff, but Pong has left an ever lasting impression on me.
If you would please forward my comment to all the powers to be are, would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks John and everyone on the Liberty that made our anniversary great.
Dean
Dear John -
Please respond
Your blog is always so entertaining and thanks for sharing your unique experiences.
Nothing to do with the Thingy (not until the Thingy visits her first piano bar) but I know that the piano bar on some ships is a non-smoking venue, while on other ships it is a smoking venue.
Do you know which ships have piano bars that are non-smoking?
Thanks,
John R
Hi John,
Haven’t posted a comment since you were able to get a letter from my son to the Valor regarding the servers he loved. Just wanted to draw you attention to a very active thread on Cruise Critic
http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=962958
I am a huge Carnival Fan and am axiously awaiting my next cruise this fall. However, I do feel for this person and feel Carnival really dropped the ball on this.
Thanks!!
Lisa
I have been travelling recently on Royal Caribbean. I was promised that after my 10th cruise, I would become a “Diamond Club” member which would entitle me to a free happy hour every day on board from 5:30 P.M. to 8:00 P.M. (more than I could drink but could try). Now I am a Diamond Club member, they have risen the bar to the 27th cruise with them for these benefits. Boy, am I p*****d. However, I am happy to come back to Carnival (I have over 40 cruises with you) to better food, much much better entertainment, and excellent cruise directors such as yourself.
Oh Dearest John,
Just wanted to let you know they now make “TP’s for the PP” and you can avoid the deadly warm showers. My son is 11 and I saw these recently at a babyshower. How come I didn’t have these? I was floored! They are wonderful, wash and rinse and wallah, you can cover that little wanker again.
This is the most important part of this message:
Breast fed babies shoot poop. Not little turd like balls of fury, but hot molten yellow streams of glory. So NEVER sit next to Heidi when she is changing Thingy. You can be blasted. I had the pleasurable experience of warning my son’s grandmother “don’t sit there, I’m changing his diaper…..SPLAT!” and you know the rest of the story!
I am looking forward to booking another cruise with you, haven’t laughed that hard since 2001. I think we were the cruise were you professed not to know what a slinky was and was bombarded with a “ship” load.
Take care!
Juanita Bright
Registered Nut (nurse)