Heidi made some excuse about being busy looking after Kye and therefore she would not be able to pack my suitcase for this trip to Italy. No worries I thought, I am 44 years old and I am going for only five days. So, it will come as know surprise then when I tell you that I forgot:
My hairbrush
My suspenders
Toothpaste
And……..spare underwear.
That’s not a joke…….I truly did, I promise, forget to pack my spare underwear. Now, I did actually pack them and even put them in a plastic bag which then I placed in my carry on bag so if Ryan Air lost my suitcase then me and my thingy would be covered.
Problem is that at the last minute I decided that taking a big carry on was not needed and so would just take my laptop bag leaving my five pairs of tidy whities at home.
So, I have no hairbrush, no toothpaste and no suspenders. I shall therefore arrive at the Costa ship later today with unkempt hair, the breath of a camel and with my pants around my ankles……….they will no doubt think I am French.
Seriously though I bought a comb and some Colgate but as for suspenders ……I tried three different shops here in Italy and it seems it would be easier to buy a bag of spaghetti al a buffalo scrotum then a pair of sodding suspenders. You may be thinking………buy a belt you idiot……….good thinking………the only problem is that belts here in La Dolce Vita that is Italy are only made for men with the same waist size as an anorexic meercat. I actually asked one senjora in a shop for one that would cover a 48-inch waist and she laughed and moved her hand up and down ………I laughed……moved one finger up and down…….and buggered off……….rude cow.
I also didn’t bother looking for underpants. I refuse to pay $50 for one pair just because it has the words Dolce and Bollocabana on it and besides…..just as the belts are all small in Italy so are the underpants. This is of course so the Italian man’s thingy looks the size of a zucchini when really it’s no bigger than a baby carrot.
So, what to do? Well, I have had to develop a system where one pair of underpants can be made to last for my whole trip. I will wear them back to front on day two, inside out on day three and then inside out and back to front on day four. Then on day five when I fly I home I shall do so ….commando style.
I am now off on the long trip to Genoa and I will write as soon as I can.
Ciao
John
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
John, uhhh… to the best of my knowledge men’s underpants are made to fit one way. I fear that wearing them back to front will compromise your chances of ever producing a sibling for our lovely Kye…
The other items… well… you’re on your own, my friend!!
Don’t feel bad. I’ve done the same things but worse. I packed a bag full of essentials and left it at home. Foo…
All my best to the girls!!
Ciao!!
Host Mach
John,
I’d have withdrawl’s. Don says if you can’t find it at WalMart you don’t need it. 
lol
Do they not have a WalMart? You can find anything at WalMart. What no WalMart????? I knew there was a reason I’ve never gone to Italy or the other side of the big pond, NO WALMART. ………..
The real reason I haven’t been to the other side of the big pond is because I won’t fly. Same with you Big Ed?
So we will have to continue to see Italy and the other countries thru your blog.
I’m enjoying the pictures of the Dream. In 6 months we will see it for ourself. But we have to see the Freedom and Holiday before we see the Dream.
Have fun and be careful.
Countess Carolyn
Hi Heidi and Kye, we miss our daily updates on Kye. Heidi, if you have time you may have to keep us updated while John is traveling.
Hugs
John couldn’t heidi overnight some? I’m sure they have some sort of overnight courier service. That could ship it to the shipyard? I think when you get home you should buy some underpants and leave them in the package. That way its easier to pack them.
Big fans as Allways,
Frank and Bridie
Dear sweet funny John, (please reply)
You just kill me with you humour! Your own packing is just too funny for words. Tears are running down my cheeks……priceless.
Let me tell you a story of my suitcase experience. I packed my little ‘carry-on’ suitcase in my cabin last night on the Splendor and put it outside by mistake with the rest of my luggage and so it sat. It sat, and it sat, and it sat even when I arrived home and found I was missing my ‘big’ tighty whities (also hard to buy) and personal stuff also in my little carry bag. For there it sat until 5 days later when I missed it. Carnival, in doing the excellent job they always do, found it still sitting on the ‘DOCK” where they put it from our cabin like they should only I did not pick it up with the rest of the baggage (I say Jack missed it, he said I did LOL!). So it sat and sat and sat and Carnival picked it up and forwarded it safely to me, praise to Carnival. So you see all of us make mistakes. Moral of story……take care our precious tighty whities ourselves and either wear 5 pairs or do what you did…wear one pair 5 different ways. This cracked me up. Any more funny stories? Have a great fun day.
Regards to your beautiful family.
Geri
Bye for now.
John:
David travels every week (just about) so you would think he would have this packing thing down pat after 25 years of being on the road (or in the air) … wrong.
He too had a case of the “forgot the underwear” on a trip to California…..thank goodness they did have a Walmart!
DJ teases him about it to this day….
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
John, Belts are the easy fix. You buy two of them totaling what you need and put them together. Nobody will ever see the buckle in the back.
BIG ED
Been there done that.
John,
Please Respond.
Your blog is hilarious. I was wondering if you would be kind enough to tell me who is going to be the cruise director on the 8/8 Liberty sailing.
Thanks So Much !
Eric
lol, John, you could just wash them in the sink with a bit of soap….otherwise you might end up with a cloud of funk following you around all week!
Hi John,
All one really needs in life is a computer internet connection and clean underwear.
Take care!
David