The First Part of Your Dream

It’s 8:00am here in Essex and as I sit in the writing room in my underpants Heidi is feeding Kye. This morning at 2:05 am she woke for a feed after of 4 hours of blissful sleep for all of us and after she had enjoyed some bosom milk I held her in my arms……………..and watched her fall asleep………………surely one of the most satisfying sights in the world………….apart from the sight of someone delivering your own Aston Martin DBS ……………….or the sight of Catherine Zeta Jones holding a sign that reads “John, I want you now you big sex God.”

Anyway, as I held Kye in the wee small hours of this morning I wondered just what life would have in store for her……….what would she be when she was an adult. Well if she is anything like a vast percentage of the world’s teenagers, Kye will want to be Paris Hilton when she grows up. Or Britney Spears. Or anyone, just so long as they end up in Hello Magazine in a short skirt and with a designer boyfriend.

Today’s youth don’t want to cure cancer, be a farmer or make bread every morning………..nope……….. they just want to be famous.

That’s because they think all famous people live in mansions, drink champagne on the decks of their private yachts and for breakfast feast on peach and peacock till someone calls round with a free Aston Martin. I suspect it’s not really like that, though.

First of all, you will lose all your friends because they will be jealous of the money the papers say you’re making. …………And then you will trust nobody………….and then you will wake up one morning thinking you are a cauliflower ……….and lose your mind.

It is a fact that, with the possible exception of George Hamilton, all celebrities are mad. We saw this with Susan Boyle. The instant she became famous, she started shouting at policemen and going to The Priory Clinic …………………………….for help . . where she will be surrounded by other “stars” who became famous to get attention, then can’t cope when it arrives.

As an anonymous person, you can go to your father’s funeral and grieve in peace. When you are John Cleese, people will pester you for an autograph. And they won’t ever go away. ………………..I know this because he told me when I interviewed the great man in 2007 for the blog.

Can you imagine……………you can never walk away from the fame. Ordering a Frapacrapacinno at Starbucks? Having a pee at the urinals in a restaurant? Lying on the beach in St.Tropez?

Doesn’t matter. There will always be some member of the public with a pen that doesn’t work and no manners demanding you write your name down on a bar napkin.

Small wonder then that the host of Deal or No Deal Howie Mandel told every guest to bugger off when they asked for his autograph on the Carnival Freedom.

Signing autographs takes up ten percent of a famous person’s day. The rest is spent pretending to smile into someone’s mobile phone while his friend stabs away at the controls for seven hours before eventually taking a picture of their own nose.

You may imagine that if you are famous, you will easily get a table at your favourite restaurant. True. But since your favourite restaurant is likely to be a local Chineseplace that always has empty tables, you will quickly realise that you don’t need to be famous to get in there. But that because you are famous, all the food you order will come with some extra ingredients. Bogeys. Piss. …………………..That sort of thing.

Of course, you imagine that you will be dining all the time with Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas………………. But you won’t. …………..however you may get to have dinner with Judge Judy………….if you are unlucky.

The rest of the time, you’ll be at the shops like everyone else, buying a TV dinner. Except it’ll take hours because you’ll have to sign the check-out girl’s copy of National Enquirer and pose for 15 minutes while her mate takes a picture of his own eye.

Soon, after about a day, you will become very weary with all this. You will crave the greatest gift God bestowed on humanity: Anonymity. You will feel like a freak, like a Royal Champion……………. like you are odd.

But you cannot sell fame. It’s like herpes…………………………… It’ll never go away.

Susan Boyle could live on Mars for the next ten years but as soon as she comes back to Scotland, someone will be waiting with a phone camera they don’t know how to use.

This constant attention will soon make you bad-tempered, which means your fans will then hate you as much as your former friends. Then one day you’ll come out of a toilet having failed to shake your thingy properly.

The paparazzi will get a picture of your damp patch and that’ll be the image etched for ever on the public consciousness. Right up to the moment when you accidentally have sex with a Latvian call girl who sells the photos of your tiny thingy, Mr. Google.

You’ll be a laughing stock. You’ll get no work. You’ll have no money and every Christmas your kids will buy you nothing but a packet of Depends.

If that’s what you want, go ahead. Join America’s Got Talent Idol Survivor……………Be the next Susan Boyle. ……………If you don’t fancy it, might I suggest a better goal. Try to be a doctor and save lives instead.

Oh and breaking news………………Apparently, the über-beautiful Catherine Zeta-Jones wants to play Susan Boyle in a movie of her life. Titanic director James Cameron is also in the frame. Is it me, or has the world really gone absolutely bonkers?

Lets answer today’s questions…………………here we go.

tracy Asked:
hi jogn heidi kye. please reply i saw a pic of a lady holding a dog on
a cruise. was it a working dog? or no. im asking cause im getting my
son a puppy for bday july she will be 6 months old by time our cruise
comes.she will be 5 pounds grown.and could u tell me who will be the
cd on the splendor nov 29 to dec 6th. hope the girls are doing well.
hows her collic? better i hope.

John Says:
Hello Tracy
Thanks for asking after Kye, her Colic seems much better and only occurs now and then…………thank goodness. The photo you saw of a passenger holding a dog on board a ship was probably one of the many fantastic service dogs that sometimes accompany a guest. These dogs do such a wonderful job and allow their owners to have a fun cruise…………..safely. However, these dogs are the only ones which are allowed onboard. Saying that…..the photo may have been taken on a Cunard ship which do in fact allow pets to be taken on world cruises and trans-atlantic voyages. They have special crew who are responsible for looking after them during the voyage but even though the dogs are allowed on board they are kept in a special area and not allowed in passenger cabins or lounges. …………….and they have to do their business……………….on the poop deck.
Your Cruise Director for the Carnival Splendor cruise in November will be Goose who will make sure you have the most fun time. Enjoy your puppy. We had a puppy when I was a young boy………..it had no legs……….every morning I would get up and take him for a drag…………do you know where you find a dog with no legs?……………right where you left it.
Best wishes
John

JAS1178 Asked:
John – Please Reply:
Love the blog as always! I am very happy that Carnival treats our
military with great rates. It is awesome that they truely honor our
heros.

One other group of heros that Carnival doesn’t currently extend a
discount too is our Teachers. (Some other lines do). Would you
consider suggesting that to the powers that be? Teachers generally can
only take time to cruise during the peak season or most expensive
sailings.

Give my best to Kye & Heidi.

John Says:
Hello Jonathan
I am so glad that you are enjoying the blog and I thank you for mentioning Carnival’s military rates which hopefully allow more of our brave heroes to rejuvenate with a fun ship cruise. As a son of a teacher who spent 33 years at the same school I totally agree that teachers around the world are often over looked and you have inspired me to bring this to the table. I have never thought about the fact that teachers for the most part have to sail in the peak season as you said so armed with these facts I will present this to the powers that be. I will write again when I have any further information. Thank you for taking the time to write and for championing the cause of teachers.
Best wishes
John

SEMPER FI Asked:
John Please reply
Hello Sir,
Just wanted to drop you a note to let you know that Cindy and I just
booked a cruise on the Carnival Freedom on July 18th woooo hoooo Big
John and Cindy and Bill back together for 8 days… and on the Freedom
again……..
Cindy is already plotting something special for you…… my advice is
DUCK lol see you then ..

Bill

John Says:
Hello Bill
Unfortunately I will not be on board that cruise as I have been offered the part of Billy Elliot in the new Broadway production. However……..I may turn it down now I know you are sailing.
See you soon
Semper Fi
John

Fraser Asked:
John,
Please Reply,
John first I want to say thank you for all the information you have
provided about the tips for the room stewards and servers, I for one
don’t think that $10.00 a day is enough for all the wonderful work the
servers and room stewards do.

I must also say I love the pictures and stories about your beautiful
Baby Kye (awsome name) Please keep them coming

I must say I am dissapointed to hear you will be leaving the Freedom
prior to my cruise in September, maybe next time we will meet. How
long will Jamie be on the Freedom any chance she will still be there
on sept 26 Cruise

I will be on the Freedom leaving Sept 26 and I do have a question and
sorry it took so long to get to it. One thing I enjoy is swimming at
night after dinner, any chance you can tell me what the hours are for
the pools. I have seen some difference on my cruises where the aft
pool will close at 8:00pm but the hot tub will be open till 12:00am I
have also seen the aft pool and hot tub open till 12:00am. I do hope
and if not can I request that at leat one pool and hot tub is kept
open till 12:00am

Sept will not come soon enough, I cant wait to be sitting on the lido
Deck with a Daily Special

Thank You for all you do

My best to you and your ladies

Fraser

John Says:
Hello Fraser
Thanks so much for all those kind words. I write this blog because more than anything I hope it brings a smile to people’s faces and provides them information on the industry we all love as well as giving you all a chance to express your views. I am sorry that we will not get to sail together this year. I have to leave the Carnival Freedom on August 28th as does Jaime as we both need to pop over to the Carnival Dream. Anyway, you will have a brilliant time and remember Wee Jimmy will be the cruise Director so you are in for a lot of laughter……………….especially if you lift his kilt up!
The current closing times for the aft pool is 10:00pm for the pool itself and midnight for the jacuzzis. I hope this is ok and you enjoy some late night relaxation on the aft open deck 9. The good thing is once you have finished in the jacuzzi ………..it’s only a few steps to the 24 hour pizzeria. Life is good.
If you have any more questions before you sail, please let me know
Best wishes to you and the family
John

Bill (Zydecocruiser) Asked:
John, Please Reply…
Thank you much for the gifts…
The Alaska Adventure has begun!

http://www.zydecocruiser.com/CarnivalSpirit/Alaska/index.htm

We are in Ketchikan today. I going to go snorkeling!

You may not know it, but you have now made it to Alaska. There is even
a BobbleHeald page that will prove it!

http://www.zydecocruiser.com/CarnivalSpirit/Alaska/jh.htm

Enjoy!

Bill

John Says:
Hello Bill and Elizabeth
You know, there are very few times when I am lost for words………..but this is one of them. For those people who have not clicked on Bill’s website links……..please do and not only will you discover a wonderful diary of what an Alaskan adventure is all about but……….you will also see…….well ………..my bobblehead thingy……….I…………I…….have no words

Have a brilliant time and please pass on my kind regards to Chris and the Carnival Spirit crew
Thanks mate
John

Pining for another cruise soon Asked:
John – PLEASE REPLY
>>nowadays I go to bed thinking about subject matter, questions, photos and Big Ed

When I read this comment, I immediately panicked and called our Chief
Psychiatrist. He is one of those doctors with a last name that has so
many letters that we just refer to him as Dr. M.

First of all, I had to explain the concept of Big Ed to him – this
explanation took far too long, as Big Ed is a complicated concept to
get used to.

After he understood what you were thinking about at bedtime, we
determined that you are suffering from Giganticus Edwardicus
Interruptus, a rare condition that afflicts certain persons who spend
too much time at sea in the company of rambunctious, diabolical
individuals. Mind you, these individuals are loving, caring people who
simply grow on you.

Anyway, we have determined that the only cure for you is electroshock
therapy – so, the next time you think of Big Ed at bedtime, I want you
to cut the cord off of a lamp, strip the insulation from both cords,
insert the plug into the wall and place one cord on each ear lobe.

If this treatment does not cure you, well be advised that I am not a
doctor, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Jon

John Says:
Hello Jon
Your help came at just the right moment as I was seriously thinking of having Big Ed’s image made into a cuddly toy for Kye ……….and myself………to play with. The cord in the ear treatment worked and despite the fact I now look like Don King I think I am finally over my Big Ed fetish
Best to you and Mrs Missingthesmokefreebiged
Big John

msqpon – Jo Myerly Asked:
John,Pleasereply.
Hi John, Great blog again. You always leave me with a smile on my face.
Are you going to make a to do list for us when you visit the dream?
Please take photos of the junior bathtubs. We are in cabin —- on the
11/15 and 12/3 dream cruises. I would love photos of the bathrooms.
What the heck is a junior tub? Will it fit a senior woman?

Thanks,

Jo

John Says:
Hello Jo
I have lots of photos to share with you over the next week. The bath tubs had yet to be fitted but Ben Clement who supervises each newbuild for Carnival has promised to send me some photos of this and other cabin features once they are installed. It is an amazing ship and I hope you enjoy the photos today and for the rest of the week.
Best to David and you
John

Kathy Asked:
Hi John, Heidi and Little Kye,
Please Reply John,
I have another question about the waiter’s in the dining room. Someone
said on Cruise Critic that all Carnival pays the waiter’s is only
$76.00 A MONTH and the rest of his income in from tips. Please tell me
that is not so and they make more than that. I just can not imagine
that Carnival would only pay that small amount to any employee.

The reason I keep clarifying these statements with you is to make sure
the truth is out there and hopefully the lies like this will stop.

Please give Kye a hug and a kiss from another American Auntie.

Best Wishes,
Kathy

John Says:
Hello Kathy
Thank you for taking the time to write. I am sure that you will understand that discussing salaries in an open format like this is not appropriate. I am also sure that the person who started this thread on Cruise Critic would not want his or her salary published to the world. Sometimes I wonder why people have to write about things like this. Tell us that the food was great or the food was not great. Tell us that the line to get off the ship was too long and we will read this with understanding and try to improve. But why talk about things like this ……….do we question how much a waiter earns at Denny’s and write about it? I will say this Kathy that I promise you have nothing to worry about. All our waiters are well looked after and many have been with us for a long period of time. It should also be mentioned that each and every crew member regardless of rank is offered an excellent pension plan on the completion of ten years service.
Kathy – I know you have the best wishes of our crew in your heart and I hope you didn’t mind me venting but comments like the one you mentioned get the hairs on my bottom standing on end.
I gave Kye your hug and a kiss and she returns one to you as do I
Best wishes
John

Randi Asked:
Dear John -Please respond. A group of family and friends are planning
a cruise next March on board the Carnival Liberty. My sister-in-law
lost her young husband in an ATV accident last July and his wish was
to be cremated and to have his ashes spread into the Ocean. Does
Carnival do things such as this? If so, what would we need to do to
make sure it happens? Thanks for all you do! If you were the
photographer of Heidi and Kai in the early morning shot on yesterday’s
blog, then I think you may yet have the talents for another profession
– photographer

John Says:
Hello Randy
I was so sorry to read about your sister in law losing her husband at such a young age. Our thoughts are with her and the family. I will make sure her wish to scatter the ashes comes true. Please let her know and once you have made the booking please let me know and I will make the arrangements
Thinking of you all
John

That’s all for today. I am trying my best to get caught up and once again I need to apologize if any of you have been upset in my not answering your questions on time. Thanks for all the comments and please keep them coming.

It’s time to check in with Jaime and her new Dear John letter

June 5, 2009

Dear John,

First of all, happy my dad’s birthday to you! One of the most difficult and challenging parts of working on board is keeping in touch with family, loved ones and friends. To some, this may seem like a blessing. For instance, there are a variety of reasons that I have heard as to why people originally come to work on cruise ships. Some because they were trying to escape from their stalker boyfriends who had recently tattooed their names across their foreheads, others are just trying to “find themselves” since they were probably defeated in an all star battle of hide-and-go-seek, and others simply want to fulfill their dreams and discover just how many varieties of rice exist on Earth. Nevertheless, as an attempt to stay in touch, and as a kind birthday gesture, I called my father as soon as I woke up this morning. He informed me that was enjoying his flavored birthday coffee, he missed so incredibly much, and how disappointed he was in me that I managed to accrue an $845 dollar cell phone bill because of the misinformation I received about my data package…. Who knew that roaming while in the middle of the ocean is not included in that alleged “unlimited” package?

Despite the challenge of keeping in touch with the outside world while working on board, it is not completely certain that crewmembers will entirely escape from society. Thanks to our wonderful satellite provider, I have the ability to tell you all about the traffic and weather conditions in that little town in Colorado, where you can head to if you have a dent in your car, and what that the mayor of Boulder had for breakfast. If you are truly focused on keeping in touch with important people one can make it possible. This past week, cruise director Kirk proved just that. When we visited Baltimore, Kirk and I had the fortunate pleasure of meeting up with his friends that used to work with him on ships years ago when he started with the company back in 1973. J.L. and Chris were kind enough to pick us up from the Baltimore pier and show us around the city. J.L. used to work as a dancer and before the “guest services desk” even existed, Chris used to be in charge of training Pursers and sending them to work around the fleet. They took us out for a nice lunch and to the local Safeway to get some necessary snacks and toiletries before bidding farewell and dropping us back off at the ship. Carnival may seem like a huge company, but we could all name at least 20 people that we had all known or worked with during our years at Carnival. As I have stated before Baltimore is an amazing homeport. Not only is it a wonderful downtown area, we also have the chance to visit great ports of call, and most importantly the people are incredible. Working for this company helps to create lifelong bonds with both guests and crew members from all over the world. Even after not seeing each other for 10 years, the three of them seemed to get along like they just spent last night in the disco together, or in each others beds, one of the two.

A few days ago I remember reading a question about the lack of moral decisions involved with having relationships on board. In John’s response, he explained that relationships do have a tendency to thrive much more quickly on ships than on land. This is because you spend all your time in such close quarters. There is no, “hey babe, I will see you in a few days” because there is no doubt that you will see that person sitting next you in the mess at your next meal. Girls can not use the excuse “I need to wash my hair” because your significant other knows not only your work schedule, but also your shower schedule and where you are headed during your time in port. John is correct in mentioning how hard it is to hold on to a relationship when people are switching ships all the time. Transferring should not indicate it is time for a wife swap, but unfortunately sometimes it does.

This being said, in two weeks I head to the Freedom to work with John…but don’t worry he is coming to sail with me when he goes on vacation ::smile::.

Before my transfer to the Freedom much preparation is involved. Not only do I get to teach the new assistant cruise director about all of our responsibilities on board, I also need to prepare my medical. As many people know, when signing onto a new ship, crewmembers receive extensive training regarding safety procedures, fire emergencies and towel animal relations. In addition to that, each crewmember must have a valid medical check up. Each medical is valid for two years, and then the crewmember must get it renewed by a recognized doctor to validate that they are still in good health and capable of working on board. When I first came to work for Carnival I didn’t think there was a chance that I would ever need to update my medical, but I guess I may have gotten a little addicted.

Each crewmember is personally responsible to ensure that this important paperwork is updated. The onboard medical center does all they can to help, but since the Pride is doing its new Baltimore itinerary, our medical team has yet to locate a port that is suitable for crewmembers to update this medical check up. Carlos the photographer and I did our best to find a place when we visited Nassau this past week. The port agent was kind enough to drive us through the downpour of rain to the local hospital so that we could tenaciously attack mission “make us eligible Carnival employees.” Once we arrived at the hospital, we were informed that the doctor was not scheduled to arrive until 1:00pm, which was only a half hour after we were scheduled to be back on board. Since this option wouldn’t work, the nurses directed us to another medical facility whose size reminded of me of my crew cabin on the Pride, only smaller and less fluffy accommodations.

The major difference between this facility and the ones I regularly would visit back home was when they say pee in a cup, they mean it, no high tech cups with a snazzy spill proof seals like we have in the states. They simply had a paper cup, which happened to be the same design as the paper cup that sat in a giant stack above the water cooler… yummy.

In actuality I had a successful, routine physical, from a friendly Bahamian doctor who, now that she has touched me in my special places, I feel as though she could be my new best friend. Despite the fact that the medical center was working on Island time, Carlos and I were fortunate enough to finish our physicals 17 minutes before the back on board deadline. We took a taxi back to the ship, and you will be happy to know I passed my physical and I will be leaving the Carnival Pride two weeks from now to join John on the Freedom.

Also, if for some reason things don’t work out with this guy on board, I now have the number of the female doctor who did the extremely thorough examination….

Looking forward to sailing with you soon =)

Sailing under the Chesapeake Bay Bridge

Downtown Baltimore

The gleaming sun as we sail from Grand Turk

All the Best,
Jaime
Asst. Cruise Director
Carnival Pride

Jaime…………I must say that your writing has gotten better and better and this Dear John letter deserves a B plus……………..maybe even an A -. I am looking forward to hearing all about your whirlwind romance when we work together on the Carnival Freedom. I am sure you will both be very happy. I hope also you are ready for the challenges you will face when we work together …………….don’t forget the most important thing I taught you………………skimmed milk………….extra shot of Espresso and three Splendors.

See you soon and thanks from us all for the great letter.

Before we talk Carnival Dream I was asked by a blogger some days ago for some more photos of Half Moon Cay……………..so here as requested are more of Paul our PVP mates personal collection featuring some of the great sights and fun water sport excursions on this impressive isle.

And so it’s time to talk about your new Carnival Dream. I have decided to do this in a few parts rather than all at once as there is so much to write about……………………..where to start? Well……………..I guess I could start by saying that the Carnival Dream will herald a new chapter in the brilliant history of the world’s most popular cruise line. This magnificent 130,000-ton ship of fun will feature so many different ways to have fun in new areas we have not had before. So, over the next few days I will highlight as many as I can and where applicable show you the latest photos of work that is still very much in progress.

In around two weeks time she will undertake sea trials during which our Captain, Chief Engineer and various Carnival Technical personnel will watch as the Fincantieri yard take her out to sea. There she will undergo sea worthiness tests which are very demanding on the ship yet needed of course before Carnival can or will except delivery.

So, Roger , Todd and I arrived along with Gerry Cahill our President and C.E.O, Ruben Rodriguez,our Executive Vice President, Roberta Jacoby, our Senior Vice President of Hotel Operations, and Cyrus Marfatia, our Vice President of Food and Beverage. All of us had visited the ship in an earlier stage of the build …………….all except Todd, and he……………..like all of us when we first saw her was stunned by her size and her presence. I looked at him for a moment as he took in his first look at his new home and like me when I first saw the Carnival Destiny way back in 1996…………………Todd farted gently and dribbled.

Here he is talking to me and my cheap flip video camera about what he is looking forward to the most about being the Cruise Director of our flagship……….your Carnival Dream.

I think that shows just how special the chance of being the CD of your Carnival Dream means and I am sure each and every crew member who will work on board will feel the same. You know yesterday I wrote about how impressed I was with the Costa crew and how they all wore a little pin that gave them a sense of belonging. All our crew wear a name tag but a little thing like this………………..especially on a new ship start up will be priceless and I am going to do my best to have the start-up crew wear something similar.

I am going to highlight today the Piano Bar. I start there because I know it’s one of the most popular entertainment areas on any Carnival ship. Well, this one will be a touch different in the sense that it is an open plan. Now, that might not be the correct architectural term, so let me try and explain. The piano bar on the Dream class is much bigger than on other ships and has no doors. It is in fact part of the walk way through Promenade Deck and guests pass by it …….or through it…………on their way to the aft lounges. This gives our piano bar entertainers a wonderful platform for all guests to enjoy their music and entertainment. ……………it’s going to brilliant.

Also, while we are talking about live music, let me talk about the deck 3 grand atrium. Back in 2007 I placed a duo in the lobby later at night for dancing and to add a late romantic feel. I had no idea if it would work or not……………..but it did. In fact all of our Destiny, Spirit, Conquest and Splendor class ships now have beautiful live music in their lobbies and any of you who have cruised on one of these ships will, I am sure, have appreciated their music and the ambience this creates.

Well, the lobby on the Carnival Dream is our grandest yet. It’s hard to show you exactly how this will look because work is still in progress and there is scaffolding and covers all over the place………….but as a teaser……………have a look a the ceiling of the deck 3 lobby.

In previous lobbies the duo have been on the dance floor and, as we want to highlight the duo more ( especially the one we have going to the Carnival Dream), we have built a raised stage which is suspended over the lobby bar. This will allow for fantastic acoustics and allow guests standing on decks 4 and above to get a wonderful visual of the musicians as well as hear their lovely music. The lobby is going to be a place where those who love to dance will never want to leave.

As you saw from the photos I posted last week, work on board the ship continues and most if not all of the public areas are not complete yet. However, I thought you might like to see some more random photos.

Roger Blum, Todd Wittmer and Roberta Jacoby (Roger is the one in the polo shirt)

Gerry Cahill and Ben Clement ready for a swim

The Seaside Theatre big screen frame

The brigde

The iconic smokestack

I hope you enjoyed the Costa blog yesterday. The double naming ceremony was a unique experience although I read in a few places that some were saying that the naming of the Costa Pacifica and the Costa Luminosa was not the first double naming ceremony stating that others had done this. ……………..so I checked with my sources ………….yes I have sauces…………..and they confirmed that Costa did in fact have the first double naming ceremony. It was suggested that Adonia and Oceania were christened together but in fact this was a RE naming ceremony as they were previous Princess ships being re-named for the P&O fleet.

Then we had mention that the Norwegian Star and Norwegian Sun but these were again re-named vessels from Star Cruises.

So, congratulations once again to Costa Cruise Lines whose double naming ceremony was something I and thousands of others will never forget.

Thanks to all of you for the continuing words, gifts and cards for Kye. We received a beautiful bear, more gorgeous clothes, two stunning bracelets for Heidi and Kye and so many letters, poems and best wishes it has been somewhat overwhelming. Heidi is busy writing thank you cards as we speak and until you receive them a blog thank you typed by my fair hand will have to do………………thank you all so very much.

I mentioned separation anxiety yesterday and it seems Kye missed me as well. As Kye gets older (she is three weeks old now) she reaches new levels of clinginess……………………..is that a word?

She won’t be put down for more than a few minutes. She cries when her mother leaves the room. She even cries when we put her on her changing mat, a moment which used to be greeted with smiles and coos (and poos, of course).

All the babies in her age group are going through the same thing according to Heidi’s friends she met at her antenatal classes, apparently, which is some comfort at least. It’s reassuring to know that you’re not the only parents going slowly insane, and it’s nice to think there’ll be some familiar faces in the padded cell. Heidi started to tell me the reasons for all of this but to me it’s simple. Hold her, put her in her Moses basket where she can hear and see she is with others and she will be as calm and as placid as a Sloth smoking a joint. Leave her in her Moses Basket to sleep on her own and she will cry like someone who has just realised they are married to Judge Judy and have to spend the remainder of their lives as a French Climbing Wall attendant on the Something of the Seas.

It’s pretty hard for Kye, I would guess. Having finally realised that she is an individual entity rather than a funny bit of her mum, she’s also realised that individual entities can end up all alone. I think she thinks she’s constantly on the verge of being abandoned (and if she carries on like this etc etc -kidding).

But naturally, predictably, and inevitably, it’s far harder for me than it is for anyone else in the entire world. Kye only thinks she’s been abandoned. I really have. Kye wants to be with mummy all the time. Mummy may be going nuts, but the maternal instinct means that she wants to be with Kye all the time, too. Kye is happy in daddy’s arms only so long as she is distracted from her longing for mummy. As soon as she remembers what she really wants, she lunges for her like a starving man spotting a doughnut shop.

It is a bit sad, honest it is. I’d like to be able to comfort her when she’s in the middle of an abandonment paddy, but I can’t. Only mummy will do. But I can console myself with the knowledge that my time will eventually come. A friend reports that her little girl turned to her the other day and said, in an innocent tone, “I really like you mummy, but I love daddy.” …………………….I think Kye loves me because she will only poo all over me and not Mummy…………. which must mean she loves me more……………….because………isn’t being pooed on supposed to be lucky…………..or is that just if you get shit on by a pigeon?

Italy makes the finest ships in the world, they design the worlds most desirable sports cars and Milan is the fashion center of the world.
However…….there are some things that Italians cannot design as you will see from this video of a restaurant I visited in Genoa

Your Friends,
John, Heidi & Kye