Over the years I have been used to being invited to dinners and events because people know I will make conversation and am pretty effortless when it comes to small talk. This is why I am summoned once a cruise to eat at the captain’s table………which as I wrote in a blog last week I enjoy as much as I do having a bleeding hemorrhoid. Yet, there I was again last night …….at the captain’s table……..in my role as cruise jester. When the toilet explodes, you call a plumber. When the car needs servicing, we take it to a mechanic and when they want someone to be funny at a boring captain’s dinner…………they call me.
If being so relentlessly upbeat and chatty has a down side it is that I am frequently used as seat filler. Because I’m so friendly and cuddly and jovial people think I can talk to anyone…………which means I’m the guest who is seated next to the most difficult people at dinner parties or weddings. This means I miss out on sitting next to the fun people. Frequently I’m placed next to the dull people, the travel agents with the personality of a hand sanitizer or the French.
The captain’s table in the Posh dining room is round and seats at least twelve people. You’re stuck talking to the person next to you whether you like it or not even though you know a much more exciting conversation is taking place just across the table as a Latvian supermodel asks the chief engineer if she can see his thruster. But you can’t participate because there’s a giant flower arrangement in the way…….and because the circumference of the table is the size Rosanne Barr’s arse.
You will remember last week I was seated next to the woman with lips the size of two canoes …..surely it couldn’t be any worse this time could it …………. ummmmmm ………. yes it bloody well was.
I was sitting between a married a couple who were group leaders of a …. group …..I can’t say more than that. I knew I was in trouble as soon as I sat down because I made a joke with Manuel the maitre d about “letting his hair down” (he’s bald) and while he, I and others around us laughed……..my two new neighbors just sat there…… showing as much emotion as a dead frog.
And so I began doing my court jester bit and thought I would break the ice by showing them a photo of Kye on my raspberry…….nothing……….just a faint smile from her and I didn’t even bother showing it to him as he was busy slapping butter onto a piece of bread …….it was going to be a long night. It was as the appetizers arrived that my luck changed because I shouted to the other side of the table to the chief engineer if he was looking forward to vacation as he is leaving on Saturday. He of course said yes and that he was missing his family……and…….his two dogs. Well…….it was as though someone had turned a switch on in Mr. and Mrs. Boringgroups head…….”Dogs……..did someone say dogs?”
And that was that. For the next 90 minutes I learned about the dogs that they breed back in Missouri. Labradoodles, schnoodles, yorkipoos, pomapekes and porkies. Oh, and don’t forget the cockapoos. And even though I was bored out of my tiny mind at least they were talking to me……..right up to the point where I told them I had a dog…….and that I fed him on Ex Lax…….because it was a Shitzu…….and that was the end of the conversation. I looked around the table and saw a familiar sight. Three of the party was asleep and six, to escape the boredom, had committed suicide by stabbing themselves with a lobster shell.
One more captain’s table to endure before I go home………please God…….just once ……… can I be seated next to the owner of Aston Martin…….someone who can tell a story ………… someone who says “That reminds me of the time when I was working as a sniper for special ops in Afghanistan and I had to disarm the trembler switch on the bomb just after the terrorist had put a scorpion down the front of my underpants.” ……or a Latvian supermodel who is naked………. and wants me.
Time for today’s questions…………………here we go.
Catrin Asked:
Hi John (Please respond)
I have been loving your stories and pics about Kye, Heidi and your adventures on the Freedom! The stories about passengers are so entertaining!Well, I have a favor to ask… and you were so gracious to try to help us out about our last April cruise on the Pride, I thought I would bother you again.
We just booked our 10th Carnival cruise (yea, we are now Platinum!) on the Triumph out of NYC in three weeks. This is a last minute decision. We have had some major stresses in our family, and we just need a week to re-connect with each other and get away from everything. What a better way than a cruise!
I was wondering if there is any way we could request to have a table for just my family of five. This trip is about us trying to spend some quiet time with each other. Although we have enjoyed dining with others in the past, this trip we just need to enjoy each other quietly with no stresses from having to have pleasant conversation with others.
It sounds awfully anti social – but I hope you and the others reading this can understand!
Booking # ******
Carnival Triumph 8/24/09
Once again, thanks for everything you do!
CatrinJohn Says:
Hello Catrin
Thanks for the kind words and there will be more photos of Kye tomorrow. Congratulations on booking your Platinum cruise and I am sure you will enjoy all of the super benefits that it brings. I have sent a message to the maitre d on the Carnival Triumph and I am sure he will do his best to help you out. I hope you and the family do get to reconnect and the stresses of the past few months disappear as you enjoy another fun ship cruise
Best wishes to all
JohnShawn Hamm Asked:
Hi John, (please Reply I know you do a lot in one day)
I just got back from staying in Florida after the cruise that ends on August 1st. I must say I enjoyed you as the Cruise Director. I have sailed 7 times with carnival and I haven’t had a cruise director who made me laugh as hard. My fiancé who I purposed to on the legend this January in the super club where I had carnivals a/v guide record it. My fiancée Melissa found you to be really funny. I am planning another cruise in January will you be doing any cruises then. I just got done showing the talent show to her parents who want to come in January on a cruise. I was also wondering I am thinking about getting married possible on an island or on carnivals ship do you know if they give good rates if I can guarantee so many rooms. Also do you know what islands would be nice to have the wedding on. Thank you so much. I hope you are feeling better.John Says:
Hello Shawn
First of all, many thanks for the kind words and I am very glad that you enjoyed the cruise and that you and your girlfriend had fun. Getting married on one of the islands and then coming home to the ship is an experience that will make for the perfect wedding. We have a specific department just for this and they will arrange everything ….and I mean ……everything. As for what island to get married on. Well, there is of course lots of choice. For example, I am writing this to you while the ship is in Ocho Rios, Jamaica and we have a couple who getting married on a private beach here. I have seen the location and it is stunning. However, you may want to have a look at a place in St. Thomas that Carnival offers as a wedding location. It’s a luxury villa named Harbor Lights Villa. This villa offers us this beautiful view along with more space for 30 invited guests.Have a look.
So, if you are interested or need any more information, please click on the link thingy that I will ask one of the 344 Stephanie’s to place here
I wish you both all the best and maybe we will get to sail with each other again on your honeymoon cruise.
Best wishes
JohnRobert Kruczek Asked:
JOHN, PLEASE REPLY.
I just got back from my 7/27 Triumph cruise and had a GREAT TIME; I do have to give credit to the guest services department aboard. We had a little problem with our liquor never being delivered the last night, but we called gsd and they took care of it right away. In all my cruises with Carnival (never sailed with you, yet) Jorge IS REALLY FUNNY, I always looked forward to his jokes, and the way he picked people out of the crowd and poked fun at them (in a good way). So please pass that note on to him…tell him I LUV HIM (joke from 7/27 cruise…hope he gets it)I do have one question I would like answered: why do your TV stations come out of Denver? I don’t care about the news in Denver as do many other people…please let me know
Thanks John,
RobertJohn Says:
Hello Robert
I will pass this on to George who you should know is basically doing all my jokes but in a Spanish accent which like his act is also false because he is actually from Columbia, South Carolina and his real name is Billy Bob Solano.Seriously, he is a great CD and I will make sure he gets to see your words of praise.
The TV news we broadcast from Denver was chosen because they have a news anchor called Betty who has a huge pai……..OK……..kidding…..the reason is that we have to pick the feed up from where the various network stations send us their signal from which for NBC and ABC, it’s Denver. The altitude also means that we get an excellent picture as well. So, it’s purely logistics and while many do not to care as you said what’s happening in Denver they do enjoy the full network coverage that Carnival exclusively supplies.
Hope that helps and once again thanks for the great review and I remain at your service
Best wishes
JohnTracy Asked:
Hi john I just asked u a question lol but here is 2 more how does 1 get to sit at the captain’s table? And I was wondering if I could get a kitchen tour if I’m saying it rite gallery? please reply ty hope the girls r doing good.John Says:
Hello Tracy
That’s funny isn’t it; I just finished writing about the captain’s table. The people chosen to sit there are mostly pre-picked by various people in the Miami office or by our business development managers who have a valued travel agent client or group leader they wish to invite. I wish you had been at the table last night as I am sure it would have been more fun. We are now rolling out the Behind the Fun tour across the fleet which among other exciting areas includes the galley, the bridge and the engine control room. I hope you get a chance to enjoy it.
Best wishes
JohnKatiel53 Asked:
John, (Please reply)
A few months ago I wrote to you regarding the Private Island (Bannister Island) excursion for Carnival Glory’s 10/17/09 trip to Belize. I mentioned that on the main Carnival site, the excursion is posted and when I tried to book it, it sent me to my cruise site and it is not available to book there. I know you said the excursion is still available and that you would help us get it booked if need be.(I know that for a while this excursion was discontinued because of the murder at Bannister Island, but I also am aware there have been cruisers reporting that they have been there since.)
Will you please check to see if, in fact, the excursion is available? If it is, can you find out why I am unable to book it?
I thank you for your help.
John Says:
Hello Katiel53
I apologize that I have not followed up on this before, it completely slipped my mind. I just checked and here is the latest information for you.
Hello,
Just wanted to let you know that it is offered online.
It is called the Private Island Beach Break.Regards,
Abhijeet A Nakhrekar
Carnival Cruise Lines | Shore Excursion Manager |There you go. I hope you have a brilliant time there and would love to hear your report when you get back. please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you
Best wishes
JohnBrandy Asked:
PLEASE REPLY
John,
My husband and I are so excited to be taking our first Carnival cruise in September. I have just recently began reading your blog and gotten some good laughs…..until Monday. I was so disappointed to read that Carnival is celebrating a later cruise as the Dream’s Inaugural cruise rather than the one we are on, the actual first cruise on September 21st. I have been active on the Cruise Critic boards for some time now (we’ve been planning this trip for over a year) and people are upset. While we are very excited to be the first ones on board, we did expect that Carnival might do something special. If you have a chance go by CC at this link and read a few of yesterday’s comments. Start at post 1109.http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=802478&page=56
Is there anything that can be done? I feel like it’s taken a bit of the excitement out of this “Inaugural” sailing. Thank you,
BrandyJohn Says:
Hello Brandy
I just want to try and make this as clear as I possibly can. The inaugural cruise meaning the first ever-cruise of your Carnival Dream is September 21. Respectfully I cannot understand why anyone will be upset………..nothing has changed. Yes, the naming ceremony will be in New York but the first people to sleep in the staterooms, the first people to see the shows, the first people to relax and enjoy the Ocean Plaza, the first people to use the incredible water park, the first people to enjoy all the dining options and the first people to experience everything this stunning vessel has to offer…..will be you ….. on the inaugural cruise……….and again, why that would upset anyone is extraordinary to me. I couldn’t read the link as it needed me to join or something. But I hope you will post this response for me please.There will be excitement, there will be a sense of history and there will be special events and it will be the best cruise any of you have ever had.
My best wishes to you and your family
JohnStingray310 Asked:
John,
Please Reply;
After seeing the pictures of the basketball court and recently reading on the blog about the swimming pool accessibility for wheelchair users I am curious if the basketball court and sports deck area of the Dream will be wheelchair accessible or not. I know I have emailed you previously about my son’s disappointment with the Carnival Liberty basketball court and mini golf area because he couldn’t access it in his wheelchair without assistance. I was just wondering if any new provisions had been made on the Dream for handicap accessibility to those upper areas of the ship. Keep up the wonderful and informative work on the blog and I hope to see you in the future as CD on one of our upcoming cruises.
Thanks,
StingrayJohn Says:
Hello Stingray
I know how disappointed your son was about wheelchair access to the basketball court on the Carnival Liberty and I am so sorry to report that unfortunately it is the same scenario on your Carnival Dream. I believe feel we can do better. I will now write to the senior vice president and see what we can do for the Carnival Magic. This may not be possible but if for the next time your son sailed and he wanted to play ball……..would you allow me to arrange someone able bodied crew to carry your son and his chair up to the court? I hope I am not out of place saying this. My apologies again and please let me know what I can do.
Best wishes
JohnLinda Asked:
JOHN, PLEASE REPLY (TO QUESTION AT THE END):
Hi, John, thanks for posting the card Sandra & I sent to Chris “Bubba” on the Carnival Spirit. How nice that he was so appreciative! John, you may have recognized the card as similar to those I had printed for our Carnival Freedom & Splendor cruises. We like using them when we want to communicate with someone on board–happily 99% of the time it is to compliment someone for going above & beyond and making our cruise memorable.We had a great Alaskan cruise and in addition to the recommendations Chris listed for excursions, I’d like to say our favorite of the trip (and on our Top Ten List of worldwide excursions) was Dog sledding & Glacier Flight seeing out of Skagway. It was fabulous in every way–flying on a helicopter 4500′ up to land atop a glacier and once landing having the opportunity to “mush” a team of dogs over the ice with the traditional style sled used in the Iditarod. However the following day included a surprisingly great tour. Since we had been with you on the Baltic tour and visited the Russian Orthodox Church in Tallinn we signed up for the Sitka tour “Russian America, Raptor Center & Russian Dancers.” Frankly we did not have high expectations (write up didn’t reach out and “grab us”) but we wanted to see the church. Did we ever underestimate the day! But this was due in large part to our Sitka Tours guide Casey (Bubba, please pass this on to him if possible). I nicknamed him our Renaissance Guide–there was no subject (government, politics, science, religion) on which he wasn’t extremely knowledgeable. At the end of the tour I just wished I had a recording of what he had taught us that day!
Two other comments about the cruise and a question. First, not only did we thoroughly enjoy Bubba as the CD, but were delighted with Marc his ACD. They were hilarious every morning on their show. It really started our days off right! Also, John, I know you lament problems at some ports (with customs etc) but both Vancouver’s airport and cruise terminal are first rate! We arrived at midnight and I definitely was not looking forward to navigating through the airport (although from a previous Alaskan cruise I knew it to be a beautiful facility). I can’t begin to tell you what a nice experience it was and the immigration agent even seemed to be glad to see us come into his country–what a novel attitude! Our luggage arrived in just a few moments and carts at the Vancouver airport are actually free–no digging around for money when you’re tired from traveling. Boarding the ship through the cruise terminal was equally painless and pleasant. What a nice way to begin a vacation. The winter Olympics will be in Vancouver. I’d say they’re ready to be a great host city.
(Sorry this post is so long–feel free to edit length) Now the question. We know that tips are portioned out to each group of individuals, but that Maitre D is not included unless you choose to tip separately. Our question is this–does that money get shared with his assistant and the dining room hostess? While we’ve always enjoyed having Ken as our Maitre D and the Carnival Spirit’s Maitre D is also obviously dedicated to creating a 1st rate dining experience, this trip we found that (in our case at least) his assistant and the hostess were the ones we had the opportunity to interact with but we didn’t see any indication that they would be financially rewarded with the tip we left for the Maitre D. Having not seen this question raised before, just thought I’d ask for clarification.Meanwhile, counting days till we sail on the Carnival Triumph and meet Jorge and the rest of the folks.
Sorry, can’t close without also complimenting Captain Donato. We had a balcony cabin and I often watched our docking–what a tremendous job! Even though the Spirit is smaller than either the Freedom or Splendor, it is still a HUGE ship to dock and each morning it was done so beautifully. It was thrilling to watch.John Says:
Hello Linda
What a brilliant review and it is one that I will enjoy so much sending to the ship and the senior management. I have never cruised to Alaska and your report just makes me want to do it more. I appreciate you taking the time to write and I know Bubba and the crew will relish reading your kind words.As for the tips for the maitre d, these do get shared with the assistant maitre d’s as well so they are well looked after by their senior colleagues. It is important to remember that tipping the maitre d is purely voluntary of course and I thank you for taking the time to recognize the work they do. Please remind me before you sail again.
Best wishes
JohnDavid Green Asked:
John – for your reply
My family and I will be sailing on the Inspiration in September and I want a table just for my family with no other passengers there. We have strict religious morals and I think it best if we have our own table. How do I do this as the last time we cruised the people we shared our table with were not whom we would wish to ever dine with?
DavidJohn Says:
Hello David
Please send me your sailing date, cabin number and the number of people in your party and I will do all I can to help you. Please get this to me via a posting on the blog at least 10 days before you sail
Best wishes to you all.
JohnBill (Zydecocruiser) Asked:
Please reply, John.
Any official confirmation of this?
“I’m in Aruba right now and saw last night on TV the minister of tourism announcing that Carnival will make 18 calls in season 2010-2011. Will keep you updated. Got the impression that the cruises will leave from Florida and not San Juan.”I cruised on Carnival Destiny from San Juan to Aruba a few years back, and that was one of my favorite cruises!
Thanks,
billJohn Says:
Hello Bill
As always it’s great to hear from you. I had no idea about this so I decided to ask our Senior Vice President of Marketing Planning Terry Thornton who decides where our ships should sail to. Here is his response.
John,We recently had a meeting with officials from Aruba and discussed some possible itinerary options. We are always looking at options to offer new ports of call, so this is part of our standard process. We haven’t made any decisions to call in Aruba in 2010 or 2011 at this time.
Thanks, Terry
Thanks Terry and as always we all thank you for being so approachable and for being a great supporter of the blog
Thanks again to you Bill and my best to you and Elizabeth
JohnDavid Wyatt Asked:
John, (please reply)
We really loved reading your commentary with regards to sitting at the Captains table. You actually raised a question that my wife and I have always wondered. Who decides and what are the criteria for sitting at the Captains table? We have been fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to have been chosen to sit at the Captains table twice in 20 cruises. To me that sounds like pretty high odds but it happened and we really would like to know why.We have found that having dinner with the Captain is a double edged sword. You feel very privileged at having been chosen, but also understand going in that it will be a tense meal that you won’t enjoy but would not miss for the world.
John Says:
Hello David
It continues to be the theme of the day. I wrote about the captain’s table at the start of today’s blog before I had read the questions of the day and then I find that two of the questions are about the captain’s table.Please don’t let my moaning take anything away from the honor of being invited to the table and the fact that you have been there twice is pretty unusual. It is always a hit or miss event. Sometimes the captain, chief engineer and hotel director are excellent communicators and sometimes ……well………..they are not and that’s when it becomes difficult. However, if you have a captain who loves the social side of his job and you have fun people it can be a very special night. The last two here though have been very, very painful.
The table is mostly chosen by our Miami HQ and as mentioned is normally made up of VIP’s, travel agents and group leaders. In the old days it was decided by the captain himself and you were never going to be invited unless your legs went all the way to heaven and you had breasts like the Alps……..I miss those days.
Seriously though, it is as you said a special privilege and one I hope as many readers of this blog get to enjoy.
Thanks for taking the time to write
Best wishes
John
That’s all for today. More tomorrow of course.
Time for today’s photos. Let’s start with some sent in by Stephanie Meads, cruise director of the Carnival Sensation. These were taken in Nassau where the ship was docked alongside her sister the Carnival Fascination with a great shot of the Atlantis Resort.
Thanks Stephanie and congratulations on the great job you are doing as cruise director.
I must admit ………and I do so respectfully………that I am shocked that a few people are disappointed that they have chosen to sail on the inaugural cruise of your Carnival Dream. I just can’t understand why. The naming ceremony will be in New York but that it. The first cruise ever of the ship will be September 21 and I know that many, many people would be thrilled to be onboard. I guess maybe I don’t understand what guests’ expectations are……I am hoping someone will give me specifics so I can pass them on. Please excuse my frustration and I am hoping someone will help me out and say exactly what they want and expect to happen.
Meanwhile……let’s remind ourselves why this ship is our most anticipated ever by looking at photos of the aft lounge, piano bar, conference room and more.
I have been reading your comments on the news that the past guest pins will be given to the Platinum guests and I see that those who have sailed 10 time or more are very happy. I can understand and have total sympathy for those who feel hard done by that the pins are not being given to everyone. They will be available at the gift shops and hopefully that will allow everyone to get these cherished keepsakes. I have not forgotten you and I promise to keep fighting the good fight and represent everyone regardless if you have cruised once or many many times.
So, as I lay there ……….on the stage floor……of the Victoriana Lounge……..having been stuffed and mounted by Mary…………my pants round my ankles………..no feeling from the waist down………..thinking how nice a job in a cubicle would be…………..a guest came up to the foot of the stage stairs filming me with a video camera………..and as he did he shouted ” this is going on You Tube, man”…………………..bugger.
This morning there are 201 clips of John Heald on YouTube, for which. Some have been placed there by one of the 344 Stephanies while many have been placed there by guests. At present it is full, mostly, of young men falling off their bicycles and Japanese game shows featuring contestants setting fire to their nipples. But in addition to this you can log on if you wish to see three different versions of my bedtime story as well as my welcome aboard show and other stuff I have done over the years. I am surprised that You Tube has not been forced to treat the copyright laws with a bit more respect but at least it’s a way to allow you to see what we do here.
Anyway, I had a fun bedtime story last night and here are a few photos for you to once again feel my pain.
The ship is in Jamaica today and the guests have been enjoying a picture perfect day, in fact this is the best week of weather we have had since I have been here. It’s been nothing but mirror like seas and unspoiled sunshine. The incident report has been virtually empty and apart from the chap who wanted to show us how to make proper pizza the only other comment worth passing on………….is this one.
Guest: Ms ——–Ref: 847207493A
Cabin:____ Booking#: _______ Added-Changed: 08/12/09 – 08/12/09
Gst came to report that items of clothing including shirts and underwear were stolen from the laundry on deck 7 . Guest had put in her washing and came back 30 minutes later to find that her laundry had been taken out and another guest was using the machine. Ms ______ said that the other guest had stated she had found the laundry this way when she came in. Ms_____ reports items worth $200 have been stolen. Security has been tasked.
Now, let’s examine this shall we. First of all it is unbelievable that another guest would come into the laundry ……stop the machine from doing the washing thingy………take out the laundry………..put theirs in………….dump the washing on top of the machine but not before stealing a soaking wet shirt and some underwear. And $200 worth……….what the heck is her underwear made from…………cashmere…….silk…………..peacock scrotum?
As I write the missing $200 worth of allegedly stolen clothing has not been found. And I have to say who the heck would want to touch anyone else’s underwear? I bet I could put my underpants in the washing machine and walk away and find it still spinning a week later because nobody in their right mind is ever going to want to touch them. If they did it would be like that moment in Plane’s Trains and Automobile’s when Steve Martin realizes it’s actually John Candy’s mega underpants he’s wiping his face with.
We will solve the case of the missing silk underwear and have called in the help of the Miami police department, Interpol, the CIA, the FBI ……..and Richard Simmons.
Goodnight
Your friend
John
Filed under: Tales from the Ship, Travel | Tagged: Carnival Destiny, Carnival Liberty, Carnival Sensation, Carnival Triumph, carnival weddings, Dream, fascination
John:
Thanks so much for the answer to the question about the Denver TV stations (and thanks to whoever asked it). I have often wondered that myself.
I thought perhaps it was just so that passengers could truly appreciate the warm Caribbean weather…. as they watched the news about 12 foot snow drifts in the winter!! LOL
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
Dear Julio, [please reply
)]
I traveled on the Carnival Freedom last week (8/1-8/9) and you were our wonderful cruise director. I just wanted to let you know that I had a blast on this vacation and I will never forget it. Although you and I never met face to face we had a great phone conversation on your afternoon show on sea day number four. Now do you remember me? I traveled with my Aunt (ant) and my cousin (Kayla-with a K). Anyways I just wanted to let you know that I was very disappointed that Jamie Frasier never came to my stateroom to sing to me, or my special gift never came either. Really, it is not a big deal but my youngest cousin that was traveling with us wanted me to inform you. It would have been cool to be serenated by Jamie though… Anyways I just wanted to thank you for making my cruise awesome and allowing me time to speak to you on your show. It added a lot more memories for us as a family, and I hope to see you again in the future on Carnival ships.
-thankyou, Amanda
Dear John,
I think for the missing chóneys (Spanish for undies) you need the help of a more qualified person. Send for Inspector Cleseou. Only a Frenchman could find a pair of $200.00 gold lined panties size XXXL.
The Cruzin2some
James & Nancy
No need to reply.
I am on of the CC members attached to the roll call for the inaugural sailing of the DREAM on 9/21/09. My fiance and I will be celebrating our honeymoon and you have previously provided me with some suggestions on recommended tours in Europe for us to enjoy. I can’t speak for anyone else, but my expectations for this cruise aren’t any different than any other. I can’t tell you how excited we are for the trip and to be one of the first people on the DREAM! We know it will make for an unforgettable honeymoon.
Hi John! PLEASE REPLY
Another question for you. We sailed on the Spirit in 2006 (Mexico) and we had the BEST entertainment – a hypnotist. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. I’d like to add the info about him to my cruise scrapbook (yes, I’m one of THOSE people!!) – do you know his name? Is he still with Carnival? We liked him so well that we went BACK for the later show!
Marilee
P.S. Thanks for the help with the ornaments!
You really made me laugh out loud tonight…suicide by lobster shell was just too funny. I love your descriptions of situations.
Ok, the laundry thing funny too. I feel very deprived that my underwear is worth so much less than hers…bummer.
John the Miami bigwigs should invite ordinary cruisers like me to the Captain’s table. We and you will appreciate more.
John (another reply to your reply)
How I believe most on Cruise Critic got disappointed about Carnival Dream Inaugural sailing is Someone from the board emailed Carnival & got this response from Guest Solutions:
“No special festivity planned on board for your sailing. Generally a private ceremony is held days before the Inaugural sailing for the general public”
That is what the email said, I guess this would make anyone feel disappointed.
Most are just wanting Acknowledgement of Carnival Dream’s 1st sailing. Which I know will happen.
Please do not frustrate yourself over this. Everything will fall into place.
I always did wonder how people got to the Captain’s table. Now I know
By the way I did get your reply. I will have a head count for you by Mon or Tues if that is okay. we are presently at 43, but some have not had a chance to reply
Please have a good weekend, looking forward to more pics of Carnival Dream & of Kye
Thanks for all you do
Cheri
Hello John,
First of all I have to thank-you for keeping me rolling with your many stories. My wife and I had the pleasure to sail with you in the Med a couple years ago and you really made the trip memorable. We hope to sail with you again soon. I would also like to say thanks to the entire staff of the ships we have sailed on in the past and I hope the people we have mentioned in our comment cards at least know how much we enjoyed them. Janet and I only get to spend about 6 weeks a year together so it is very important to us to enjoy our time with each other. Carnival has always done this for us with the perfect mix of relaxation,entertainment and romance. Keep up the great work. Luckily our time together is coming up shortly and we have decided on a back to back on the victory. 8/30/09 till 9/13/09. I just wanted to pass on my appreciation and we will be looking foward to joining you in the future.
( Please reply) John, I don’t want to seem rude in anyway as I am on the Maiden Voyage of the Dream but we were originally on the Liberty and the ship was cancelled due to the economic conditions that Carnival is facing and we moved to the Dream because it has been my dream to go to Italy. I know that I will truly enjoy my time. I do enjoy Carniva. I am on the Rivieria deck at the very back of the ship. Basically, last cabin. So yes. I want to say, I wanted something special for being on the Maiden voyage. So what that i get to stay in a room that has never been occupied. I guess that I wanted to feel special. I work very hard for my money and I am used to being able to pick a good placement on a ship and the most recent email that I received from Carnival was basically bull. Unfortunately, I am down in the cellars. But don’t worry, Carnival has called us twice to upgrade to another floor for about $450.00. How do you like that!
That is kicking the horse in the teeth. We cannot accomodate you for being prior guest but for about $950 – $10000 more, we can move you. What bull*&^%.
So if a few of us are a bit unhappy!. John, please feel feel to comment as I am sure that a few of us will reply as I have booked my next cruise on RCCL!
Help Please! I am a simple middle aged woman who is a decisive indecisive. I am going on my first cruise in October and truly do not know what to expect. Are there any blogs or info out there for someone who is traveling solo? I know I will enjoy the cruise no matter what happens – I am just happy to get away. I love to read (idiotic mysteries – the more off the wall the better) and would rather be behind a camera then in front. Some of my questions involve ‘what can one take pictures of?’ (I was once stopped from taking pictures of bananas since they were in a store display, and maybe they thought I was planning to use the pictures to recreate it? Easy going I gave up my banana picture…..but would rather not be embarrassed again.) Other question – if I truly can’t get along with someone I meet is there plenty of places to hide? (I have a habit of attracting leeches who think I am interested in their life because I tend to listen while thinking about other things…won’t tell you what things.) And can I put in a wake up call… a wake up to life call. I know myself and tend to hide in my room and veg. Or should I just overbook myself on things to do so I feel pressured to do them? …or will this drive me nuts and destroy my relaxation plans?
As you can see I would like to research or find out a little bit more about solo cruising. (I don’t say singles as I am not a swinging type person and the single label implies to others that I am looking.)
Any help will be appreciated. (Appreciated by all the people I know who cruise and are probably tired of my questions!) I did try to look up cruising single….you can imagine the websites I found! I don’t blush easily but boy was my face red!
By the way, thank you for your blog, I love reading it and your sense of humor makes me smile.
John please reply
First I would like to say I apologize for my reaction to a post some months ago. I have always enjoy reading your blog thingy and find myself telling others about some of the funny things that happen to you.
We are sailing on the Carnival Glory Sept 5 and I am getting really excited. We sailed on her last year.At that time the maitre d was Mr V he was great. Our server was Hootie I can’t rember his assistants name but they were all great. I was wondering if Mr V and Hootie are still on the Glory? Hootie called us by name from the first night.
(I am not complaining) We sailed this spring on the Legend and the waiter never once called us by name. This was okay but I was so impressed that Hootie remembered the names of everyone at our table and used the every night.
I hope to see them on this cruise but if they are on another ship I would like for them to know we appreciated the wonderful job they did.
Kye is a beautiful baby and I know you can hardly wait to get to hold her in your arms again.
One last question we have booked the Tulum excursion in Cozumel.Does the ferry have life jackets on it? I can’t swim and have read that the ride on the ferry can be rough.
I guess I just want some reassurance that this is a safe ride and they are prepared for anything that could go wrong.
Once again I am sorry for the way I reacted to that particular blog (Do you remember the one I am talking about?) and thank you for the reply and thank you for not posting my letter and your reply on the blog.
Hope to sail with you one day.
Carol M
Dear John, please reply at your convenience.
My family will be on the October 18th sailing of the Carnival Splendor to celebrate my cousin’s wedding onboard the ship. I was wondering whether you’ve posted a profile or interview with her CD, “Goose” yet. I tried searching the archives, but no luck. If you’ve posted something, would you kindly tell me the date so I can look it up, and if not, would you consider introducing your blog readers to Goose sometime before October 18th?
Also, as a fellow Ricky Gervais fan, if you haven’t loaded his audiobooks onto your Eye Pod thingy yet, they are hilarious! He is to podcasting what you are to the blog. Seasons one, two, and the Podfather Trilogy are particularly funny. Be careful not to fall off the treadmill laughing.
Thank you, John, for allowing all of us cubicle-dwellers to live vicariously through you. You’re the salt of the earth. Best to Heidi & Kye.
Amy
great blog as always John…now to my comment
it bugs me to no end how people on this blog DEMAND a table for 2 or demand a gift from you…at least ask respectfully….maybe it’s just me……
Bobbyfk
I get a good laugh from the Denver stations while cruising the Carribean in January. We see very little snow on the gulf coast so at least then we can get our own snow reports about how many inches did Betty get last night.
There are many of us out here that would gladly trade places with any who would want to give up their berth on the 1st sailing of the Dream. Who cares where the naming will take place as most would miss that event anyway.
Yours is the funniest description of the Captain’s table experience that I have ever read. I laughed and laughed and now consider myself cured (well, almost) of my desire to be seated there!
The pictures of the Carnival Dream are great. Although we have not previously sailed a Carnival ship a cruise on the Dream is on my 2010 to-do list. Thanks so much for the blog, John. It adds so much fun and enjoyment to my day!
John, too bad you aren’t a drinker! They key to hosting an “interesting” table of “special guests” is lots and lots of wine. If they’re all drinking the conversation livens up . . . if you speak a common language. The table with a family group where only one spoke English and the rest Polish . . . was gruesome. If you do drink and are stuck with that kind of table or hosting Bubba, Gomer Pyle and his brother-in-law Forest Gump (none of whom drink) then YOU can consume the wine.
The best table I ever hosted was 9 people, and we consumed 7 bottles of wine . . . much to the dismay of the Beverage Manager!
The Carnival Dream is looking…..dreamy!
Hi John!
That laundry story is unbelievable. I can’t believe someone would do that.
I hope your Captain’s Table experience works out better next week than the past 2 you have dealt with.
Love the Nassau pictures.
I hope you have a pleasant weeknend.
Take care and Hi to Heidi/Kye!
David
Hi John,
I don’t know what others are expecting from their inaugural cruise experience, but I picture a day of excitement like you described in a blog from last year (“A day of days”), when you went to Southhampton to visit both the Queen Victoria and the Queen Mary 2. Your excitement in all you experienced that day was so tangible, that we all felt we were there too!
Although I never experienced an inaugural cruise, I was on a several ships during their first year of operation. On Sitmar’s Fairsky, they had some leftover inaugural leaded glass tumblers that they gave to all of us at the “Circolo” (or repeaters) cocktail party. Sitmar gave these glasses to repeat passengers at their Circolo parties on every cruise. I think I have 3 or 4 of them. They are in nice gift boxes, and I always thought they were too nice to use.
Just approaching a ship (even an old one) at the dock is excitement enough for me; I don’t need any special ceremony, and the Dream passengers should appreciate that “new ship smell” no matter what freebies they think they will be receiving!
On the subject of laundry, on the Cunard Countess, the pursers did their personal (non-uniform) laundry in some washing machines on the officers’ deck 7. It was a small room with only a few machines, and one had a sign that it was “for jumpsuits only” (greasy coveralls that the engineers wore in the engine room).
Another washing machine had a sign that said, “No jumpsuits” because they didn’t want those greasy items mixed with regular clothing, and someone also wrote on the sign “and no large bras!” Apparently this was added after a purser’s large bra (like the one Mary gave you last week) got tangled up in the machine, and the engineers had to dismantle the machine to get the bra out!!!
Those were the days…
Laurie F.
Hi John,
Youtube does have a procedure for removing videos for copyright infringement.
http://www.youtube.com/t/dmca_policy
They can and do remove videos, but depend on others to report the violations.
bill
John,
PS for got to ask this question. Will Carnival be selling the guest pins on the web site? Will we be able to get fast ship pins? I have a few pins I would like to have that I didn’t get because there were only 4 day cruises, plus my Sept cruise on Valor. I will not be able to get that one either since we sail in Sept.
Kim
Hi John,
I had to comment on the post by Mr. Greene whose “strict religous morals” does not seem to include politeness or common courtesy. Not one please, thank you…not even a positive thought or word. there should be a table where you can put all these people together, they deserve each others company.
I can live with the past guest pin policy. Another perk to look forward to, and in the mean time, I will pick mine up in the gift shop.
Thank you John, for all you do and for being you.
Ron(24 days till Canival Inspiration)RN
John,
I don’t believe anyone is disappointed about sailing on the Dream on Sept. 21st! I would say the exact opposite, I think the following post was
what created some of the confusion. I believe this person was asking about the Sept. 21st cruise from Rome.
SCarlow Asked:
Please reply.
John, I will be on the inaugural cruise. Anything special going on. I just noticed that Carnival is doing their inaugural ceremony when the Ship docks into New York. I was feeling pretty special being on the first sailing.
John Says:
Hello
Yes indeed the inaugural cruise is from New York and there will be lots of celebrations. The details are still being ironed out and remain hush hush…….but as soon as I know you will all know I promise. It will be a special cruise regardless and just sailing on your Carnival Dream passed New York’s iconic skyline will be a very memorable event.
Please keep reading the blog thingy for more details soon
Best wishes
John
Hi John,
My eyes were getting misty when I looked at the new photos from my Dream.
I didn’t get a chance to respond to your question about the pizza on-board. I have tried several different flavors on-board and find them excellent. And since we know that some of the best pizza comes from the NY area (as someone said – it’s the water), that is high praise indeed. By the way, I will not eat a bagel anywhere but in NY (or maybe Florida).
Great about the past guest pins. It took me a while to get to Platinum, since I could only afford one cruise a year, but I did it.
Pretty soon, you’ll be home with your women. Betcha can’t wait.
John, why didn’t you get off the ship in Jamaica? You said it was one of your favorite places. Just take a walk – er…maybe not. Take a shore excursion instead.
About the Denver TV stations – let’s just say that last October on the Miracle (from NY), the NY Giants football game was not shown on the ship because of a local Denver Car Dealer program. Lots of unhappy people in the Sports Bar. I understand about the tv reception, etc., but there’s got to be a better way. Maybe someday we’ll have it.
Have a great weekend, my love to Heidi & Kye (waiting for the next photo),
Hugs,
Carol
John (please reply to the blog as a whole)
I’m sure this is a repeat but here is where the confusion lies on the “inaugural” sailing of the Dream – I am cutting/pasting from CC:
“John Says:
Hello Brandy
I just want to try and make this as clear as I possibly can. The inaugural cruise meaning the first ever-cruise of your Carnival Dream is September 21. Respectfully I cannot understand why anyone will be upset………..nothing has changed. Yes, the naming ceremony will be in New York but the first people to sleep in the staterooms, the first people to see the shows, the first people to relax and enjoy the Ocean Plaza, the first people to use the incredible water park, the first people to enjoy all the dining options and the first people to experience everything this stunning vessel has to offer…..will be you ….. on the inaugural cruise……….and again, why that would upset anyone is extraordinary to me. I couldn’t read the link as it needed me to join or something. But I hope you will post this response for me please.
There will be excitement, there will be a sense of history and there will be special events and it will be the best cruise any of you have ever had.
My best wishes to you and your family
John
Here is the first post that I had responded to:
Please reply.
John, I will be on the inaugural cruise. Anything special going on. I just noticed that Carnival is doing their inaugural ceremony when the Ship docks into New York. I was feeling pretty special being on the first sailing.
John Says:
Hello
Yes indeed the inaugural cruise is from New York and there will be lots of celebrations. The details are still being ironed out and remain hush hush…….but as soon as I know you will all know I promise. It will be a special cruise regardless and just sailing on your Carnival Dream passed New York’s iconic skyline will be a very memorable event.
Please keep reading the blog thingy for more details soon
Best wishes
John”
There seems to be some confusion as to semantics if you ask me (but who cares what I think) about the term “inaugural” and you do seem to mix them about.
Please know I am still your favorite lurking fan.
Hi John,
Thank you,
You did a great job again. Getting the pins back. Hope Carnival will sell all of them inside the gift shops. I am missing the pin from my very first carnival Cruise: Jubilee and two more Fascination and Imagination not doing past guest receptions because lack of cruise length. Even beeing platinum their was no chance getting a pin onboard Imagination. None available.
14 days ago I donated one of my two Splendor caps to the grachts in Alkmaar, NL visiting the cheese market. A wind blew it off my head and no chance getting it back.
Ralf
Hi John.
Just reading your response to Brandy’s post about the Dream Inaugural cruise out of Civitavecchia on the 21st September. I am not sure if you got the wrong end of the stick, judging by your reply.
Brandy and the rest of the people who are posting on the Roll Call on Cruise Critic,( of which I am one) are really excited about being the first passengers on the Dream.
I think we were all looking forward to witnessing the naming ceremony and all the attendant goings on that we saw on the Splendour last year.However thats not going to happen now. I think its just a natural dissapointment after we had built up the expectation. Everyone is really looking forward to it and we are arranging various meet and greets and other get togethers. Its going to be a great trip.
We personally can’t wait for the cruise, in fact our biggest dissapointment is we wont be meeting you again as you will be leaving as were are boarding, unless of course you fancy dinner in Civitavechia with Liz and I and our friends the night before.
Hope this clears things up.
Regards.
Wes and Liz
Dear John,
We haven’t heard anymore about the Mixology contests onboard. I have been working on a new drink just for the contest.
It basically is a receipe for RUM PUNCH but you also add:
One (1) tablet of Viagra
One of EX-Lax.
One drink and you don’t know if you are coming or going.
James & Nancy
The Cruzin2some
Hi John,
After seeing the denver stations on the TV, I thought it was a nice touch to have everyones home TV station broadcasting in their staterooms (since we are from Colorado) Just kidding! Kind of unusual that someplace so landlocked would have the best reception. It sure is beautiful though.
Kadeycat
The decision has been made, we will be taking a cruise with you next year, so in light of today’s blog, invite us to the Captains table, I ran a casino for many years, I have stories that will make you blush and she who thinks she must be obeyed hid under the table.
Also of course because we have decided to grace you with our presence, we will be expecting lot’s of free stuff and an upgrade to the Captains cabin….
Of course I jest, but how about a coffee in the morning ?
Hi John….
Thanks for getting us back the pins. Looking forward to getting my next pin from the Carnival Inspiration.
Also want to say we love Carnivals Pizza.
To Retirement Man…why do you assume that someone who has reached platinum status has “money” We work hard and “save” for our cruises and we give up other pleasures so that we can. It’s more of a pleasure to cruise with Carnival than doing other things so that we can afford it.
We don’t expect to be “given” anything.
Diane
PLEASE REPLY!!!
Hello John,
My husband and I sailed on the Freedom with you the week of July 4th (the Dick Little cruise). We had a wonderful time, you are absolutely hilarious! While on that cruise, we went ahead and booked a cruise on the Dream on July 3, 2010!
We sailed on our 12th Carnival cruise on July 27th, on the Destiny, cabin#2273. We met up with much disappointment with our cabin on that cruise and have mailed a letter to customer service and were very disheartened by their reply. The problems were as follows: there was a constant offensive odor in the room, the bathroom door would not completely close, the drawers were broken, the window curtain was in disarray, the telephone and remote controls did not work, and there were ants in our cabin! Although Guest Services did try to resolve our problems, we feel that we wasted too much of our precious vacation time trying to find resolutions to our multiple problems. (We only found out that the phone did not work when Guest Services left a note asking us to contact them because they tried repeatedly to reach us by phone. Some more wasted time for us, having to go back to visit the Guest Services Desk again!)
The response from Carnival’s Guest Care representative was extremely insensitive. They basically told us that their records show that the on board staff completed all repairs successfully, and they apologize and could not give us any compensation for this matter.
John, the point of my letter to Carnival was to express that as Concierge Club members, we did not expect to waste any of our cruise vacation time running back and forth to Guest Services to request repair after repair! Fine, they resolved most of the problems, but we should never have had to deal with repair issues on a Carnival cruise!
Don’t you think we deserve anything for all of our wasted time? We’re not asking for a refund, but a little onboard credit on a future cruise would have been a very nice solution.
Please let me know who you think I should contact on this matter.
Thank you and we hope to see you on the Dream!
Please reply
John,
I’m fairly new to this blog thingy, but would like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to share with your adventures at sea. It’s just amazing some of the things you have to deal with! I bet you count the minutes until you can get home to that wonderful, beautiful baby girl of yours!
I am a Carnival Platinum cruiser, but will be doing something new this October. We’re booked on our first Back to Back cruise aboard the Carnival Destiny. I am so excited to have one of the larger ships doing the 4/5/5 day itineraries. We’ve sailed the Carnival Imagination 5 times when she did that route and always said we should someday book two in a row and make one long cruise. Well, we’re finally doing it, and since it’s a Destiny class ship, we were able to get a balcony! With that said, I’ve got a couple questions about the B2B that I hope you could please answer.
I’ve read all the info on how we don’t have to pack up our stuff between cruises (have same cabin booked) and that we’ll have to do a quick customs/immigrations check in before getting our new Sail & Sign cards. Once we’ve done that, what will be available to us? I know the crew will be busy turning around the ship, so we don’t want to be in their way. Will we be allowed back into our cabin? Are any of the bars open? What about the pools/hot tubs? Also, I’d kind of like to do a load of laundry – those things that require a little more special care and can’t be sent in the Platinum laundry bag – but I’ve heard that sometimes the laundry rooms are locked in port. Will they be open in Miami?
One other possibly odd question. We’ve got three of us who will be doing the first leg of the B2B, and 6 more joining us on the second leg, including two newbies. Do you think the room steward will let us in their cabin to leave them some little gifts. The newbies are just a couple doors down from us, so I’m hoping we’ll have the same room steward.
Thanks for your time. Can’t wait to read more of your adventures!
RE: the problem with folks uneasy on the Carnival Dream’s first sailing in September.I am wondering, John, if it is not due to the fact that at the naming ceremony in NYC, the Carnival Dream will Christened by Champagne, officially Blessing the vessel. This will not happen before the first official cruise, but rather in NYC, I think some folks just wanted the ship to be Blessed before they sail.
Just my 3 cents ( inflation!) worth…Julie
John When we last blogged about early dining on the Glory on 3 Oct. 2009.. You asked for my cabin number. It has now been assigned, it is **** any help you can provide with securing us with early dining will be greatly appreciated.. I love the blog and it has been a real treasure of information for us Carnival Cruisers..
Thanks again
Joe Lentivech
I take it you intend to sue You Tube for infringement of Copyright. How can the Bedtime Story ever be ’sold’ again as an improvised work by the audience participants? They must be the subjects of more spoon feeding than Foie Gras.
Hi John,
We will be taking our two girls on their first cruise in April 2010. We decided to do this after my husband and I came back from our very first cruise on the Glory for our 20th anniversary. (I do have to say I was so scared to go on the cruise that I made my self sick because I was so nervous to be on a big boat. After I was on the ship for a few days, I was so much better and had a great time)! I do want to say the staff was great from the steward to the cruise director (Butch). I do want to commend your dining room staff as well! I have an extreme allergy to mushrooms and your hostess worked with me everyday to ensure that I did not get any food with mushrooms. She brought me the menu every evening to preview for the following night. I do have a question for you: Is there any kind of a discount for repeat or second time cruisers? We are currently booked on the Carnival Dream for the week of April 3, 2010, which is Easter week. We want this to be a very special week for our two girls. We thought when we did book the cruise, we were going to get an upgrade but they said we didn’t get one. Our girls will be 14 and 18 at the time of the cruise. Also, will you be doing anything special during that week since it will be Easter week?? We will be going to the Western Carribean. Yes, I’m excited but still a little nervous
) Sure would be nice to meet you!
Hey John,
I just wanted to say thank you SOO much for providing such a WONDERFUL cruise!! The staff was wonderful, and we hope to cruise with Carnival again sometime soon. My name is katie, i live in Cesterfield Va(Virginia), and i am 11 years old. My sister and i talked to you on the phone while watching your afternoon show in our cabin, and we were told that we would get a prize when we got home from dinner that night, but we never did
i know what your thinking, your thinking that its not a big deal, but we were sooo excited to get one of your prizes as a suvenier! I know its too late now but we just wanted to tell you that. Anyway thank you so much for such an AWESOME cruise!! By the way, we cruised from August 9th to August 15th on the Freedom ship!!
Thanks again,
Katie Broas