My first-ever job was working as a civil servant for Her Majesties’ Customs and Excise Branch A1G. It was a summer job, I was 16. I filed bits of paper and if I looked out of the window in the morning I had bugger all else to do in the afternoon……. anyway ………… that’s not the point……let me tell you what is.
Going to work was a simple business. I would arrive through something called a “door,” punch-in something called a “card” through a “clock” and settle down for ten or twelve hours of boredom, breaking off only to eat my cheese and tomato sandwiches my Mum had made or to be beaten about the head by my merciless boss…….a dragon called Peggy.
Things have gotten so much more complicated over the years thanks to laptop dancer computers and of course the requirement for usernames and passwords. But even this used to be manageable…….. requiring as it did…………little more than typing in a pass code or passphrase based on your love of Megan Fox’s bottom (ilovemegansarse) or your hatred of the French (pierreisasmellyrudebastard).
However thanks to men and women with beards the process of logging in to work is now as bloody difficult as trying to escape from Alcatraz. The last few days have been massively stressful for me what with the double change of itineraries and the resulting concerns that this has brought about. Therefore the last thing I needed was our IT chaps informing me that password policy was changing and that our office and cabin computer passwords must now be eight characters long, contain a letter in upper case, a letter in lower case, a number, and character thingy ………e.g. ?, *, %, $…………
Meaning that “Bollockstothefrench………..or “Oasisofmyarse” are no longer permissible and that even “Megansbottom%4me*” will work only for a while as I am apparently required to change my password more often than I change my underpants.
Anyway……..as I said, it’s been a little busy around here and unfortunately although we have 99% of our guests onside and happy there are one or two who are upset ………… very upset…………that we are not going to Antigua…………..like this lady.
From: FREEDOM GUEST SERVICES
Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:58 PM
To: FREEDOM GUEST SERVICES MANAGER; FREEDOM CRUISE DIRECTOR
Cc: FREEDOM GUEST SERVICES SUPERVISOR; FREEDOM GUEST SERVICES SUPERVISOR
Subject: Cabin ____: Multiple issues
Good Afternoon,Please be advised of Mrs. ________concerns of cabin ____.
Issue Number 1
She’s not happy with the fact we change the itinerary from the Jamaica run we chose before, to our original run if we not making it to Antigua. The only reason she book this cruise was to go to Antigua and she is demanding a full refund of her cruiseIssue Number 2
Guests want to meet with the Captain and she feels that the movement of the ship is dangerous.Issue Number 3
At dinner the Photographers took too long to take her picture.
She is right. It’s 11:45 pm and the ship is indeed pitching and rolling a bit but no more than it has in many past voyages on the way down to San Juan and again………and with respect……if the only reason she took the cruise was to go to Antigua ……. well ………you know the rest.
Anyway, I called the guest and as always when I do I start off with an open mind and try to be understanding and honestly I felt sorry for her and the other guests who were disappointed that Antigua was canceled. However, as I apologized and tried to explain that we were one day behind schedule and that we had given extra time in Nassau as we will in San Juan and Tortola.
I found it hard to keep feeling sympathetic thanks to her constant demands for a 100% refund of the cruise. I hung the phone up knowing that nothing…….not even a fruit basket ……was going to win her around which as regular readers of the blog will know makes me sad.
However, she is a tiny minority and everyone else has been absolutely fantastic. Great audiences at the shows and tonight at the elegant night parties there were lots of handshakes, hugs and votes of confidence and when I introduced the Captain I made sure that I praised his decisions and his commitment to the guest’s safety.
By the way………..talking of praise …….I have to heap a huge dollop of that on the dancers who performed the Big Easy shows tonight in very difficult conditions …….. some people have problems walking in a straight line when the ship is moving like this so to do what they do is nothing short of remarkable.
And on that note lets crack on with some more of your questions………….here we go.
Kevin and Heidi-Beth Asked:
Hey John (Please respond)
It’s been a while, but we want you to know that we are still reading every blog. It’s amazing seeing the pictures of Kye. You must be so proud.Maybe you could help with something. We have some friends (3 couples) who are going to be sailing on the Carnival Destiny (remembered to use the full name) in October. Two of them have only sailed on RCI before and one not at all. They have decided that they would try Carnival, and I am hoping they will see the error of their ways. I’d like to send you their info before they leave, and maybe you could help to make sure that they have an extra special time. One of the couples is going to be celebrating their anniversary, and I would like to see them stay with the Carnival brand from here on. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Till next time
KevinJohn Says:
Hello Heidi, Beth and Kevin.
It’s been far too long since I have written to you three so I am very happy to hear that you have been reading the blog still. I am so very proud as you said of Kye and that the fact that I am ugly and she is not is nothing short of a miracle. Thanks for using the Carnival Destiny‘s full name and it would be an honor to send your friends something to say thanks for sailing with Carnival. Please send me their last name and cabin number if you can 2 weeks before they sail. Until then I send my best wishes to all three of you.
JohnLaverne Ord Asked:
John-please reply. My husband Harold and I will be cruising with you Aug 15 on Carnival Freedom/res ******/cabin **** as we celebrate our 80 and 85th birthdays and 57th anniversary. Please try to obtain for us a table for 2 for our confirmed 6PM dining. Thank you for all you do. Laverne OrdJohn Says:
Hello Laverne
This is quite strange because a few hours ago I just gave you a huge hug at the Captain’s elegant night party. I am glad the dining worked out and I hope when you read this copy of today’s blog in the ship’s library that you will still be having a wonderful time. I hope you enjoyed the gifts I sent to your cabin and it was an honor to meet you and share in your amazing celebrations of life.
Best wishes to you both
JohnDorothy Asked:
John,
Please reply
I was just on the carnival connection site and saw where someone was asking if any one had ever seen a carnival bumper sticker. I got to thinking what a good idea. I would buy one along with maybe some window clings and license plate frames. They could say I rather be cruising, my dream is the Carnival Dream, cruising is my thing, Carnival fun ships is my stress buster and etc. They could be bought on board or in the bon voyage gift store. There seems to be a lot of people wanting to know why we have not seen any and I thought I would bring this to your attention and maybe you can have someone look into it.I loved Kye’s first blog, taking after her daddy at such a young age, she is good at it. I think she is looking like both of her parents now, she still a beauty.
Heidi, thanks for the pictures and updates, we look forward every Friday to your post. Thanks so very much.John Says:
Hello Dorothy
A few months ago my mate and fellow lover of the ballet Big Ed came up with this idea and I never followed through. You have now given me reason to mention this to Jim Berra, our chief marketing officer, which for some reason I didn’t do before. I will pop over to my e-mail and write to him now, back in a minute.OK, that’s done and if he agrees then you and Big Ed get a free one. How about I Love John’s Thingy bumper stickers.
Thanks for the great idea and thanks very much for the kind words for Kye…..I can’t wait to see her.
Best wishes to you and your family
JohnBrian Asked:
John—PLEASE REPLY—-
Hey John, I’ve got a question that a typical brand ambassador should be able to answer!!Suppose I am booked on a cruise in November. When I booked, I paid rate Y, which had just went up about $60 from rate X. I am fully paid, however the final payment due date is a couple of weeks away.
Now suppose that I was “surfing” the Carnival site, and realize that the same room type that I booked is now BACK to rate X, again about $60 cheaper. Is there any recourse that I would be able to take—short of cancelling the booking, waiting for the credit card credit, and then rebooking?
We are all Platinum guests–including my 10 year old!!
Any advice? I don’t want to sound petty about $60, but when you multiply it by the number of guests, and then with the pretty good possibility of the fuel surcharge being socked to us again….I need all the help I can get!!
Thanks for your time!!!
BrianJohn Says:
Hello Brian
When I first read your posting I was worried that this would be one of those awful “if it takes one man to dig a ditch three feet deep working seven hours a day with 30 minutes for lunch how long would it take one man with a beard to dig the same ditch?”………..but luckily it wasn’t.As Carnival Cruise Lines Brand Ambassador I am proud to tell you…….I haven’t a Scooby Doo (rhyming slang) what the answer to your question is. But………it seems like a fair one to me and one that needs someone much smarter than me to answer. So, rather than me waffle on I will instead send this to someone at guest experience to help you. Please give them seven working days to contact you and if for some reason you don’t hear anything please let me know. It is extremely fantastic that your 10 year old son is a Platinum member……congratulations to him and thank you for your loyal support.
Please let me know what happens
Best wishes
JohnMissing the Blogger’s Cruise Asked:
John – PLEASE REPLY
First of all, I have to admit that, for a 12 week old, Kye has a remarkable grasp of the English language and keyboard skills. Clearly, we have a child prodigy here.Now, for my question. It is clear that I am, once again, missing the blogger’s cruise. As much as I would like to attend, it just isn’t going to happen in 2009. It’s likely I won’t even get a cruise this year.
So, has there been any discussion regarding the 2010 Blogger’s Cruise? My preference, of course, would be an eastern itinerary with both St. Thomas and San Juan as ports of call, but you have that itinerary with the December 3rd cruise, so it’s likely I am unlikely to see such an itinerary chosen for 2010.
Anyway, give us a heads up as soon as possible so that those of us who desire to join the family can consider it.
My best to Heidi and Kye.
JonJohn Says:
Hello Jon
Yes, while Kye has been blessed with Heidi’s looks and smile she has been blessed with my bottom and it appears my blogging skills. I am very sad that you and Mrs. MTSFP will not be with us in December but I truly hope that you will be in 2010. I am still in conversation about when and where this will take place. I think I have it down to three ships and one does indeed go to some of the ports you mentioned. I hope to reveal all very soon as I know everyone would like to start making plans.
I truly hope to see you both then.
Best wishes
JohnMark Asked:
(PLEASE REPLY)
John,
We ‘blogged’ is that the right term? On my pending (hopefully) engagement on the Liberty sailing at the end of August.I have made dinner reservations for the first Elegant Night (believe to Sea Day) at Harry’s for 8/8:30pm (can’t quite remember!).
Was hoping we might be able to sit down and order a drink and then have a Carnival Photographer ask us to stand for a photo where I could pop the question – then order some champagne and have a nice dinner!
Could that be arranged? Also is there a way I could drop my video camcorder at the Pursers Desk so that someone could record the moment so that we have it for the memories?
Know it’s quite a few requests hopefully it’s feasible.
Loving your blog and the fact you’ve kept it VERY British!
Thanks,
MarkJohn Says:
HelloMark
This can indeed be arranged and have already written to Noonan, the cruise director, to help arrange this for you. He will be contacting you discreetly when you arrive and will have a photographer there and someone to film this special event for you………and if she says “no” you can play the video backwards and it will have a happy ending.
I am sure she will say yes and that you will have a most memorable cruise.
Best wishes to you both
JohnMaria & Juan Santana asked:
John, please reply…
Would you please clarify something for us? Who will be the CD on our Nov/ 21 cruise on the Freedom? The CD schedule on your blog shows Ralph Valente but recently in one of your blogs you mentioned “Wee Jimmy, the Scottish ball of fun” and even showed his photo….That sounds like a lot of fun indeed!You have been super busy lately & we know you are behind in replying to all of us….Juan & I sent a couple of comments days ago & we haven’t seen the replies yet. No problem, we understand.
We love Kye’s latest picture & her 1st blog! She is a genius! Regards to Heidi & a kiss to Kye….You will soon be home with them.
Regards.
The Santanas of Miami BeachJohn Says:
Hello Maria and Juan
In a few days time I will be showing Heidi the beautiful clothes you gave to Kye……I can’t wait to see her face.
Wee Jimmy and Ralph Valente are one in the same person and in fact……let’s pause and have a look at a few photos of the Scottish ball of fun. Here he is in Nassau being his usual happy self and thanks to Jaime for taking these great shots.
It’s great to see him again and I know he will do a wonderful job as cruise director here on the Carnival Freedom.
I haven’t seen any questions from you and I am so sorry if I have overlooked them and I will go back and see if I can find them. If it was anything you needed please re-post them just in case and I will answer them as quickly as I can.
I am so glad you enjoyed the last photo of Kye. They really have kept me going these past 8 weeks. I hope hear from you both soon and send you both my best wishes and a huge thank you for all your kind words and support.
JohnCharlotte Asked:
Please reply)
John,
Like Dave & Elizabeth, I too have been waiting for the answer to the Feb. Bloggers DVD. I was wanting to purchase one too, since I didn’t know they were on sale.
Your help is greatly appreciated.
CharlotteJohn Says:
Hello Charlotte
I know that many of you wanted this and this is now on Stephanie Leavitt’s desk and I know she will do all she can to make this available to you all as soon as possible. This is something I should have taken of a long time ago…..my apologies for not doing so.I have many brilliant memories of that cruise and I would also like to share in them again. I will let you know very soon.
Best wishes to you both
JohnPreston Keith Asked:
John, Please Reply.
Just a quick question. Over on the Cruise Critic boards they are talking about you a lot these days. Guess that comes with the job. The big topic now is, “why does John give all the people that ask free stuff.” Seems lots of people want and expect freebies. Anyway thanks for being a great CD, we have cruised with you 3 times so far. BTW I don’t want anything free.John Says:
Hello Preston
I am glad that they are talking about me on Cruise Critic mate because that means they are talking about Carnival…..and that’s a good thing. I guess the simple answer is that as my Mum taught me “it’s nice to be important but it’s more important to be nice.” I know not everyone asks in a pleasant way but the majority ask because they want it for family members who are celebrating something special and being able to do that for them makes me very happy……….oh and I refuse to let a few rude people spoil it for the many, many loyal Carnival cruisers who deserve that extra little………..and it is little……… something. Please post this on that thread thingy if you want to ……oh, and you can also post that occasionally……..I truly like writing to someone who asks for something without a please or a thank you…………..”no………..bugger off.”
Best wishes
John
That’s all for today and as always I thank you all for taking the time to send in your comments.
It’s after 1 am now and time for me to go to sleep. The ship is rocking quite a bit so time for me to take a Viagra ………..which stops me rolling out of bed………bit like an anchor.
I will leave you with a few letters from my Morning Show………………goodnight.
Good morning
Before I start with the day’s business it’s time for the latest photos of your Carnival Dream sent to me by our friend Boris. Today we concentrate on the main theatre plus a couple of the sushi bar.
And here are two of Boris………who we have to thanks for all these great photos.
I can’t wait to entertain on that stage. Tomorrow we will have a look at promenade deck 5………have you booked your Carnival Dream yet?
Now it’s time to unveil a contest that is posted on carnival.com and in the press but I thought you might like a look at it here on the blog thingy and here to tell you all about it is one of 343 Stephanies.
Hello bloggers. Steph no. 343 to give you some exciting news about The Virtual Book of Dreams Contest.
This contest is for Children between the ages of 7 and 12 years old who may submit a paragraph no more than 250 words completing the thought “ I’m always dreaming up fun stuff. Wouldn’t it be awesome if…”. The child also has to submit a drawing depicting the paragraph. Entries can be submitted starting from August 18, 2009 and no later than September 18, 2009. There will be four finalists and one wild card finalist. The winner will be named the Godchild of Carnival Waterworks on the Carnival Dream and the child and his/her family will also win a free cruise.
To find out more about this contest and how your children can participate click the link below.
You can also read our latest press release located here.
Carnival Cruise Lines Encourages Children to Dream Big with the Virtual Book of Dreams Contest
Thanks all, and happy sailing.
Steph
What a great idea and what a privilege to be the godchild of the WaterWorks on your Carnival Dream. I will let you know how the contest goes.
So here we are now in San Juan, Puerto Rico and so far my prayers have been answered because the sun is shining and after the rain and thunder of yesterday it is a welcome relief for all. Today I will spend some time with Wee Jimmy nurturing him through the three different cruises the Carnival Freedom offers and walk him through the ports of call and schedules etc. It’s actually quite a challenge this for a CD because it’s the only ship in the fleet with three different runs….a 6-day western……..an 8-day eastern………and an 8-day western. Keeping up with everything is as I said a challenge but one I know Wee James will rise too easily.
Oh…….nearly forgot this great photo of the Carnival Glory and Carnival Freedom docked on Sunday in Nassau, Bahamas.
I am also busy talking with marketing and PR about the forthcoming special events and naming ceremony and that means listening to words like “swankify”……”blue sky marketing” ….and my new absolute most hated one……..we have to give 110% to this project……..what?
110 percent?…….when did 100 percent become insufficient? Honestly, during the call I just got off one of the marketing ladies told me and the others gathered on the conference call that we all had to give 110 %……..and she repeated it two or three times to make sure we understood that 109% was not acceptable and that 100% would result in us being stabbed in the head her Mont Blanc pen………what a load of bollocks.
However it got worse because suddenly…….and I can’t say who of course……..but suddenly Christine said……….”I am behind this 110%”………and me……….being bored said “I am behind this 231%”………there were 9 people on this call…….and not one ……. not one bugger laughed………….there was just………………….silence.
It got me wondering………do these marketing and PR people speak like this at home?
Does Christine from marketing ask her husband to “step up to the plate?”
Does Tim from PR tell his wife “to show more passion and give 110% in the bedroom?”
And when they were younger did Gerry Cahill, our wonderful president and CEO, refer to his kid’s pocket money as “revenue streams”?
Probably.
Goodnight
Your friend
John
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
I love your blog!!!! It is so awesome to sit in my underwear and press air through my buttock checks (sorry…can’t say that word) and read the insightful thoughts. Have a grand break and loads of fun with the little one.
John
The wife and I have book the Dec. 3 cruise on the Carnival Dream nice to hear you will be aboard as CD We were on the Carnival Glory a few years back when you were CD we enjoyed that cruise My question is does the ship have free Wifi from the staterooms ?? I would bring the laptop a long if so.
We are on deck 9 about mid ship. thanks look forward to seeing you on stage.
Ron&Barbie
Hey John,
PLEASE REPLY
Thanks for the update on the DRAINPIPE slide.
I , You Tubed it and saw how you exit from the centre post down a staircase. Can’t wait until I give it a try. I see there is now a video on the CARNIVAL DREAM link.
I’m sure your head must be spinning from all of the changes this week due to the weather. Keep smiling my friend as you will soon be home to Heidi and Kye. Just stay focused for a few days more and enjoy your time off back home.
Now to my question…………Being Canadian I can procur some CUBAN cigars for you in January if you’d like. Any preference? Just email back at the address and let me know. I don’t smoke but would join you for a diet coke and have a small chat while you enjoy the stogie. OH……….btw……..are Heidi and Kye joining you in January 2010 for the cruise?
That’s all from humid and hot Canada.
B&D from Canada.
John:
I suggest that Carnival put the moron who “demanded” to go to Antigua (despite the fact that Anna and Bob are out to kill folks and do lots of damage) in a row boat and send them on their merry way ….. right through the middle of TWO storms.
If someone wants to go to Antigua….FLY THERE.
I get sooo tired of the “bus riders” and their whining.
If this dimwit is complaining about the ship pitching and rolling now….she really would have complained going through TWO storms.
She is trying to get money. She probably could not afford this cruise to begin with.
Proof once again that Ron White was correct…
“You can’t fix stupid”.
Please thank Boris for the great pictures of the Dream. I just found out that a dear friend is going to be one of the Promenade soloist, when the Dream sets sail. He was on the Fantasy with us on our Blogger’s Cruise.
Michael is beyond “cool”! (good choice Carnival)
I can’t believe we have never sailed with Ralph. An oversight that we must correct….immediately. LOL
Please tell my Cruise Son Rozwin hello for me before you leave the Freedom. (Sure would love to see him on the Dream in December on the Blogger’s Cruise….a person can “DREAM” can’t they?)
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
Dear John,
I am glad the skies have cleared at least even if the passengers heads haven’t. I don’t know what happened to yesterdays posting but I have always told everyone who has asked me that I have always considered a cruise to be an adventure and not a destinantion. When you get on a cruise ship you are really not guaranteed that you will go to the ports you signed up for. To me this is a good thing! Our first cruise was onboard the Carnival Spirit for a eight day Mexican Riveria cruise to Acapulco, Ixtapa / Zihuatenejo and Manzanillo. It was our 25th Wedding Anniversary present to each other. BEST PRESENT EVER!!! On the way to Acapulco a guset had come down with appendicitis and we had to stop at 5:00 AM in Cabo to offload the passenger. We were surprised to find that the cantinas were still going strong as you could hear the music. Made me want to book a cruise to Cabo! The captain was trying to make up time and still get us to Acapulco when a crew member also came down with appendicitis and he made the choice to change our itenerary to Puerto Vallarta. I had booked the cruise because I had always wanted to see the cliff divers but after two sea days and several drinks of the day we just looked at each other and said oh well we haven’t been there either.
The captain announced that this area was known for whale sightings and I grabbed my binoculars and was determined to find a whale off in the distance for Nancy to see. Nancy at this point grabbed my arm and yelled “right in front of you!” I dropped the binoculars to see six humpback whales breaching one after the other. It was truly the most amazing things we both had ever seen. Leaving the port we were escorted out by at least twenty dolphins. Nancy was able to get several great shots of them. If the captain had not decided to change coarse and save this crew member our adventure cruise would not have been as wonderful as it was, and the passenger and crew member might not have made it at all. We would have missed all of the amazing things that happened.This cruise was truly magical from start to finish. So my advice to everone who I talk to about cruising, and believe me there are alot. I tell them to keep an open mind and try to live in the moment because we may never pass this way again and even if we do, there are no guarantees that there will be Humpbacks!
James & Nancy
The Cruzin2some
Hi, John (no need to reply)
I know the password-changing thingy can be just a pain in the butt, but (you have already probably thought of this), here is the easy way to do it.
Just pick ONE word that fits the requirements (like Megansbottom) and add a 1 to it. So your password would be Megansbottom1. Next time you have to change it, just make it Megansbottom2, Megansbottom3, and so on. See? Easy to remember…..well, you do have to remember what number you’re on, but if you’ve used the same number for 90 days, most likely you will remember which one you are on when it comes time to increment it….John, I’m an old broad – about to be 60 in (gasp) two months. Sometimes I have to MAKE things work when they don’t want to. This is just one of my little tricks to help keep things straight at my advanced age, hee hee.
Hope it helps! Great blog, by the way …. totally entertaining, and I LOVE reading about the rude people. Don’t ever leave them out, please! They make me feel so virtuous!
Hi John, I sent you a question about a month ago and I fear it has been lost in cyberspace. We are sailing on the November 13 and November 15 Carnival Dream cruises out of New York City. I am wondering if a special tour will be offered to those of us who are staying on the ship. It seems like an ideal time do do something special in the city while others are disembarking and embarking that day. Could you check this out.
Thanks for all you do for us. We hope you got off the ship in San Juan.
Jo
Dear John,
I feel your pain on the password nonsense. I have the same criteria for my workplace, as well as the requirement that my password cannot be the same one I’ve used for any of the last 10 passwords, and it must change every couple of months. Eventually, I bet that in order to log on to my laptop, I will have to enter a password longer than “War and Peace” using only the pinky finger of my left hand, while facing due North with the day’s forecast including no less than 98% (or maybe 110%) humidity, and also stand on one foot, simultaneously whistling “We Are The Champions” in the key of G sharp.
Anyway, thanks as always for the great and informative blog. And thank you VERY much for addressing Preston’s question about why you accommodate so many requests. I caught a tremendous amount of flak and got a lot of nasty-grams on Cruise Critic because I dared ask a favor of you last week.
You are the best!
Appreciatively,
Laura
Dear John;
How are you? I hope all is well. First, I want to congratulate you on your new arrival. Your daughter kye is precious. Please enjoy her, time does go by pretty quickly; and before you know it she will be all grown up and you will be thinking where the time went. Now, I must say that I totally love your blog. I wish I knew about you and your blog before I went on the ship. It would help me better prepare me for you!!…LMAO I must publicly apologize for my rude comment to guest services about the interaction my husband and I had with you during the Talent show. You need to understand, that we are not used to your wonderful sense of humor and acting performance you display. We tried to play along, but it was very hard to do when we knew that my husband could have dressed better for the occasion but did not have the means to do so at the time. Yes, we lied about having a suit in our stateroom, because we were embarrased. Actually, my husband did not even expect to be called up on stage, so he really did not think he had to dress up. We learn something everyday, and with this experience my husband finally got it, that he has to think about his wardrobe a bit more and where to wear certain clothing.
At any rate, you were superb and we hope to see you in another cruise, but with your family onboard. I want you to do me a big favor and please thank the Freedom Band for making my song ” I will Always love You” shine…I have never, never, never sang with a live band before. I was a nervous wreck when you called me up on stage. I literally was going to walk out of Victoriana, but decided to stay and finish what I started. Oh my God! You have given me an experience that it was more like an outer body experience!…I saw the lights and the standing ovations with the applause, it was truly magical…You, Jamie, the Freedom band and the other entertaiment staff made it happen for me. The only thing that I can say is thank you…thank you for making this wonderful experience for me to enjoy. Take care and happy sailing
Dear John,
I just wanted to drop a note and say that my Mother had the opportunity to take her first cruise in July on Carnival Freedom, and low and behold you were the Cruise Director! I was so surprised! I did not know it until she showed up at my house this past weekend and showed me her photos. She took the Western Caribbean 7day/6night itinerary. She was joined by her sister, brother and his girlfriend.
I haven’t had the opportunity to sail on Carnival yet (only RCI and Cunard), but look forward to it one day. I do read your blogs (obviously!). My mother said you were an awesome Cruise Director, that she saw you on television, she thought you were great on stage, and she enjoyed your sense of humor. She thought you were great!!! Her photos of Carnival Freedom (she stayed in a suite) were beautiful, again I was envious!!
Thank you for being who you are!! One day I look forward to sailing with you and the crew!
All the best,
Saundra (from MD)
USA
How’s Nanni?
John – please reply – the Med and Freedom seem so far away. My how 2 years flies by. Your beautiful Kye will show you that about time also. What great memories we have of you, though.
Quick question. We are booked on the Liberty on Aug 29th. Since we are going south and its still summer, is a sport coat really necessary for elegant night? It would sure help baggage to leave it behind. What is the expectation now?
Our best to beautiful Heidi and Kye. How did you get so lucky?
hi john! i hope you got to see nannie in puerto rico! and that jaime did too! i know how happy she was when the ship was going there after all. sorry the ship is rocking and rolling, i sleep sooooo good when it does that though! oh, and i saw where carnival was voted best entertainment by cruise critic, congratulations! of course i already knew carnival was the best but it’s really nice to be noticed like that…
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
A small complaint.
It has come to my attention that as your blog grows in popularity I am more and more unable to use traditional British curse words, my American friends are learning from you, how can I let loose with a good yell of “oh bollocks” if they in fact now understand what I am saying
Of course for this slip I would like a fruit basket and a signed photo in our suite on the Dream please
Love the blog as always John, have a safe trip home, post a picture of a real spring roll so the chefs on board will know what it looks like.
hi john,i hope all is well with you. I have just started reading your blog and am really enjoying it!!!You are so nice to everyone .Do you ever sail out of new york i”d love to be on your ship everyone says you are so entertaining!Let me tell you a little about my self. My husband and I are taking this cruise to celebrate our 31st anniversary that was on august 5th.we really need to relax.In Jan. my son bought a luncheonette and asked my husband and I to run it .Well it has been a long and stressful year. My request to you is can we get a table for 2 in the dining room on the miracle on august 28th 2009, my husband really would love this. thanks for any help you can give , and thanks for this blog it is very entertaining arelene castorina
John we are celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary on the Victory sailing of September 06, 2009
Cabin 1405
Woo hoo!, we LOVE carnival !
John, Obviously you are a NEW parent . . . when you comment “Did Gerry Cahill, our wonderful president and CEO, refer to his kid’s pocket money as ‘revenue streams’?” My friend you will soon enough find out, as I’m sure Cahill has, that nothing about kids is a “revenue stream” . . . but quite the contrary, kids are one big revenue drain!
And since “cruising” will no longer work as the universal password on board, you will just have to post the passwords on the computer screen like the rest of us. So much for the IT wizzards attempt at “security.”
Regards, Richard
Good morning John,
Hope you’re well. That’s a great contest on my Carnival Dream.
Welcome to the “whatdoIchangemypasswordtonow” club. We’ve had this system in place for quite a while, and we have to change it every 90 days. I’m running out of variations. But not only do I have my regular log-in on the computer, I have at least 3 other log-ins for different applications we use that are not synchronized to change at the same time. Talk about confusing.
I still cannot understand these people who have to complain about everything – from the ship moving (hello – it’s on the ocean!), to itineraries (like you said – fly there) or the weather (again – it’s hurricane season).
Are you going to get off in San Juan & see Nanni? Jaime, take pity on John & take him off the ship, please. Why not Paradise Point in St. Thomas?
Hugs to you, Heidi and the adorable Kye,
Carol
Hi John!
Glad the weather was more favorable yesterday though Bill is looking like a nasty storm.
Beautiful pictures of the main theatre. It seems like it is very close to completion.
Good luck dealing with the passenger who wants the full refund since the voyage isn’t going to Antigua. There is always one who is upset.
Hope today is a good day.
Take care!
David
Dear John (please reply)
I am going to be a first times ever being on a cruise, carnival dream in Jan, just before you get on the dream to be the cruise directory. I have a couple of question.
1. Can you take a picture of the spa deck staterooms like room 12223?
2. How come Tim Wittmer dose not have a blog so he can keep us up on the the dream too. So stuff he dose so first times cruiser know what to look for?
I like checking your blog every day
Thank You
Andy
John,
Got a big laugh out of your version of Corporate Speak! CS ranks right up there with Lawyer Speak & Politician Speak. To me all this CS, LS, & PS is just BS! I’m glad you are able to avoid that pompous trap! As always, you’ve made my day.
Joyce
Mr John:
Wanted to thank you for a wonderful time on the Freedom Aug 9-15, 2009. Was so glad to see you as you were on our first cruise on the Glory and we were “spoiled” by your humor and all around good nature. We made it home safely before the storms, hope those cruising now are having a wonderful time as well. Although you picked me (Mrs Farquart!) to come on stage and pass a spoon through my blouse, I survived and lived to tell about it! Once again thank you for the FUN and enjoy your time home with your wife and daughter. We (Mr Farquart!) and I hope to see you again on another cruise in the future.
Thank You,
Barabar Jill Marquart
Newton, Kansas
John,
The old woman has a point – and its on the age-old question of customer service and how far a company is willing to go to please the customer.
The fact that this ship, a buoyant object in a liquid medium affected by storms, is shockingly moving about is terrible enough, but Carnival won’t attempt to alter the laws of physics for this poor soul? There was once a time when a company would go above and beyond before the customer and its apparent that time has sadly passed. We can only pray Carnival sees the error of its ways and immediately dispatches a team of physicists, Jesus, and a fruit basket to the Large Hadron Collider and get those pesky laws of the universe bent for the good of your customers!
I hope this find you, your pax and Bill doing well. I am sure you are looking forward to the end of this cruise as you will once again be with your girls.
The Dream is coming along and she will be a beauty. I hope to sail on her one day. I really want to go back to Europe next year.
On our cruise to Alaska when we went to the Past Guest party; it was so nice to see your sweet face on the video.
It is good to be home so I can follow your blog once again.
Keep smiling John, you truly are one of the good guys.
My best to Heidi and Kye.
Hi John -
I’m hoping you can calm some fears! Unfortunately, you’re not going to be our CD on the Pride when it leaves from Baltimore in two days
But I’m sure we’ll have a great time regardless.
Any tips on surviving the rough seas on our way from Baltimore to the Caribbean, thanks to Hurricane Bill? My husband and I have cruised one before, in the eastern Mediterranian. Our last day there was SUPER rocky. Literally, massage cancelled, drinks being served half full because they kept spilling, the pool sloshing up on deck. I was less sea sick and more nervous and scared. Any thoughts?
Thanks! And keep up the great work!
jOHN PLEASE REPLY
Hello John..this is Juan and Maria Santana, we are in Vegas now for 12 days, in this incredible resort suites of Trump Vegas…I would like to let the Executives of Carnival know that they should publish the John Heald cruises in the brochures, you are the best C.D. of the 7 seas and shoud be doing cruises and no staying in the office, they should make you work for the million dollar yearly salary they pay you, in the ships, as many people love you as irreverent and funny you are, with your buggers and poo jokeS that we love so much…kisses to the most beautiful baby in ENGLAND….KYE….JUAN AND MARIA SANTANA
Hi John,
You are still posting complaints of some guests me not at all understanding what it is about. The Master of the vessel decides because of safety. Passengers do have to sign the cruise contract like they had to. Do let them read it again. If somebody does not like the cruise at all debarcation at the next port of call would be no problem! This time Bahamas. Their fault! Do let them leave and fly into their wanted destinations. A ship not reaching …
Ralf
John,
Just to let you know there is a new acronym on Cruise Critic……….WWJHD. “What would John Heald do?”
Usually it is used by someone commenting after someone has thrown a tantrum or posted something outlandish.
Dave
John please reply.
John,
I have a question about Naples in October on the Dream. Will there be any type of shuttle offered from the port to a set location in the city and then back to the ship?
I know that is offered in ports such as Venice and Livorno, but I didn’t know if that was the case here.
Thanks in advance for answering my question! My best to you and your beautiful ladies. You will be home very soon.
Melissa
JOHN PLEASE REPLY:
I would like to know how my fiance & I can be contestants on the Newlywed game. We will be on our Honeymoon cruise September 27, 2009 on the Conquest. Thanks in advance for any help you can give.
Sarah McGowan (soon to be Hathaway)
Hey John! (Please reply)
Did I read correctly… are you going to be on Carnival Dream until Sept.27th…. not looking for a gift but would love to see the bedtime story before you disembark…. How many days until you see Heidi and Kye?? or should I say how many minutes… Have a wonderful time with your ladies.. get some fresh undies and we’ll see you soon!
Best regards, Diane
Stunning… the main lounge is stunning. I can’t wait to sit there and watch your Bedtime Story on that stage!!!
I LOVE the shot of the side of the Carnival Dream and the Cove Balcony cabins!! Brilliant!!!
As was mentioned in the ‘John, Please respond’ posts, there has been quite a bit of discussion about the people who post on this blog thingy only to demand something free. Two sentiments are previlent… 1) you are way too kind and 2) the people who come here demanding free gifts are cretins.
What a wonderful idea for a contest! I’m sure it’ll be phenomenally popular.
All the best to Stephanies 1 through 344, Heidi and the Amazing Kye!!!
Ciao!
Host Mach
Dear John (please reply)
My husband and I will be sailing with our two daughters on the Carnival Glory on Sept. 5th to celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary. It is the first cruise for all of us and we are very excited. I was just wondering if anything special is done on the ships for couples celebrating anniversaries and such? Should I have told someone when we booked the cruise? Thank you for your time as this is all very new to us (but hopefully just the beginning of future filled with cruises).
Hi John,
My hubby and I are booked on the Nov 28th sailing of Triumph to celebrate our anniversary. I just found out that the Triumph doesn’t have a specialty restaurant on board. This will be our first Carnival cruise so I’m not all that familiar with what other options are available. What would you recommend doing to make the occasion extra special?
John, love the blog as always. The dancers are amazing aren’t they? On our last cruise on the Carnival Triumph we could barely keep our drinks from sliding off the table and they were up there doing their full routine! Simply amazing!
John; Always enjoy your blog, just back from holiday and had to read all I missed while away. Please keep up the great work as we do enjoy your ramblings, especially those while on ship. Hope you are enjoying some needed time off at home with the family.
But you had me laughing out loud though with your “103% meeting” as we have the same in my organization. The 103% though has been mathematically explained by, as you say “men with beards”, please see below.
“Just for you John, no reply required” Hope it gives you a smile.
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here‘s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14 +15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
John,
We had you as our cruise director on the Carnival Freedom on August 15th! You were awesome! It was our honeymoon (we were the couple you “laid down” with on stage to “re-propose” as my husband wraped him legs around you ha ha). Just want to say you did a fab job! You made our honeymoon unforgettable (unforgettable thats what you are……poor Michael and singing on stage!). We hope to sail with Carnival again and hopefully on the same ship as you! Thanks again!
Gillian
thanks !! very helpful post!
Hello, I found your blog in a new directory of blogs. I dont know how your blog came up, must have been a typo, Your blog looks good. Have a nice day.