Well, it’s not been a great week so far. I became a totally crap driver and slid down a hill bumping into a Toyota…..and unfortunately it wasn’t one of those bloody tofu eaters’ favourites a Toyota Prius which maybe would have made me feel better. I got the bill for the damage today to the courtesy car I had borrowed while he Range Rover was being serviced….and sure enough while the insurance will take care of the damage to the other vehicle…..I have a $150 excess to pay.
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I remember it well. I was with my mate Alan sitting outside my favourite pub in Southend On Sea (The Shorehouse) when someone pulled out of the parking lot in a Mitsubishi 3000 GT and accelerated smartly down the street. As the car shifted lumpily into second gear, I remember, even today, that we each looked at the other in an eye-rolling way and said: “What a wanker.” He’d bought a sports car and then specified it with an automatic gearbox. Which meant he hadn’t bought a sports car at all.
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As I sit here in my underpants on January 11, 2010, snow is falling again, a wet, sleety wind is whistling through the trees in our back garden and the whole world, it seems is telling Al Gore and his mates to bugger off …….by introducing us to a new ice age.

To make matters worse, it grew just a little light barely an hour ago and in fifteen minutes it’ll be dark again. …………that’s winter in the UK.
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It seems that the vast majority of you like our new commercial, as do I. It was fun, it got people talking and you know it’s message is received loud and clear when Heidi says that the “Dad” who stars in it and puts down his blackberry and stops checking his messages for seven days ………. should be me.

Obviously I haven’t seen the commercial on TV (only on the computer) and I am sure it comes over brilliantly as will the commercials we will feature during the Winter Olympic Games. The two negative comments I read were concerning the fact that the girl is blowing a bubble and we don’t sell bubble gum onboard ……. fair point……and the second comment was that blogger Andrea M said that Carnival should hire a famous spokesperson……….well on that one Andrea ……..respectfully……….I disagree.
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A few weeks ago lots of bearded scientists along with Prime Ministers, Presidents and a dwarf from France decided, over a delicious lunch that they needed to do something about global warming.

And so just after dessert they stood in a circle and even sacrificed a goat. No, not a goat. That would be un-vegetarian and against a goat’s human rights. A virgin then. Or a turnip. Whatever …….I bet something was stabbed in jubilation. They then announced that we should all go to work on a bike and burn our cars to save oil and to save the polar bears. They then got in their chauffeured Bentleys and Mercedes which drove them to the airport where they boarded their private jets and buggered off home. I mean…….Air Force One doesn’t exactly run on camel urine now does it?
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There is some brilliant news this morning for us ugly people. Scientists with beards reckon they’ve cracked the formula for “love.” Yes, according to SKY news this morning men and women in white coats at a University in Switzerland have discovered that love is merely a chain of neurochemical thingies in the brain. They say that one day this could be reproduced in a potion to make people want you and will be on sale in Wal-Mart…………for only $9.99.

Heidi said “Wow, that’s amazing”……………I said, “Bollocks.”
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One of the good things about Christmas was that on the days leading up to Jesus’ birthday Postman Pat was very busy delivering Christmas cards to you and me. Lets face it though, this is the only time we go to the mailbox with a smile on our face because usually……..nothing good ever comes in the mail. It was so nice to receive cards and get a small reprieve from receiving bills, catalogs and junk?

I remember when the mail used to be fun…………. back before e-mail, when I would receive birthday cards and cheques. Or even better: a birthday card with a cheque. There was nothing better than opening that white square envelope knowing that inside there would be money. It was such a letdown when it was just a card.
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I had promised in the last blog of 2009 that I would move away from talking about our new ship…..your Carnival Dream and concentrate on some of our other ships. However, it seems that this just is not going to be possible.
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