Kye was in bed sleeping off her jet lag………..I had returned from taking the Extreme Country show off and returned to the cabin to find Heidi in the mood……. for …………….. a movie. Such was my deep joy at having my wife and daughter share my Carnival Dream with me I said “yes. Let’s watch a movie” without thinking it through……….and that was a dire mistake. Because my choices were a romantic chick flick thing called Holiday which I had been tortured with before…….or…….Mamma Mia……….which is like having a lockjaw and seasickness at the same time.
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I haven’t been off the ship in the three weeks I have been here apart from my trip to Wal-Mart to buy diapers, baby food and nipple pads. I just have not had the time to disembark the ship in the ports of call. However, I knew I would be meeting Heidi and Kye on Saturday morning and that I needed to pay for the car that was bringing them from the Hyatt hotel to their Carnival Dream. And so I went to the ATM machine onboard because I had spent my last few dollars on those dam nipple pads…….oh……and some Preparation H for me.
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Good news. The girls have landed and are on their way to the hotel. I will write more about their flight experiences next week but the most important thing is that they are safe and will be with me tomorrow.
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As you know I like the occasional cigar but having recently had Kye come into my life and the ban on smoking in public places and the misery of being forced to stand outside like a cocker spaniel that has been punished for crapping in someone shoe……. has pretty much forced me to give up.

I remember the days when smoking my cigar in a friend’s house was commonplace just as if they wanted to smoke a cigarette at my house. Saying to your friends that you are not allowed to smoke would have been as alien as not being allowed to use the toilet. Now, most people I know run a fresh-air policy and they would rather have you wet yourself on their new couch than smoke a nice Monte Cristo.
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I want to start today’s blog by saying that neither this cruise line nor I are perfect. There continue to be areas where we can improve and it goes without saying…….but I will say it anyway……that you can’t please all the people or in this case all the guests…. all the time.

We make mistakes and I always try to admit them here on the blog thingy. For example last night the volume of the band at the deck party was ear splitting yet no bugger on my staff had seemed to realize it was so and thus the two cabins below who complained at the Guest Services Desk had every right to do so. These are the sorts of complaints and comments that we learn from and that we can act on and that are justified.
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When you buy a ticket for a fun for all Carnival cruise you know how much it is and what you are getting for the price. You know that the price we charge is what you pay and what is included and what is not. There are no nasty surprises at the end of the voyage when you get your Sail & Sign bill…….unless your wife has bought a diamond the size of one of my hemorrhoids from the shops onboard. That is not the case with hotels.
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Just before I start can I shout BUGGER? I can………..right then I will………”BUGGER” ………..someone told me that there was Super Bowl commercial showing Megan Fox naked in the bath…………and I missed it. BUGGER.

Sorry……..right then….on with today’s blog.
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As you know, on Saturday, I went on a shopping expedition to Wal-Mart for essential supplies and nipple pads which was I must say a horrendous experience. I didn’t know where anything was but help was at hand because I saw the Wal-Mart greater chap who had an Ask Me shirt on. I did ask him and he knew where the nipple pads were. This was much different to the time I was shopping in a Wal-Mart near the Miami office. I asked the Wal-Mart greeter where something was just like his T Shirt suggested…….”Where is the hemorrhoid cream?” I asked. And he said………….“Que?”
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Do you remember the chap I was talking about the other day that wanted quicker service in the dining room? Well, he has been on mind these last two days and has by the way had service that has him in and out of dinner within an hour, thanks to the dining room team.

My mind turned to him because I was working in the office to the accompaniment to one of those entertainment gossip shows on TV and who should come up but my old friend Angelina Jolie.
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I called my friend Tim Lawrence yesterday. I was his best man at his wedding and yesterday he and his wife Hazel celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. Tim is a very successful accountant which means of course he is boring…….something I tell him all the time. He During our conversation I tried to persuade him to bring his wife and three children on a cruise……..but he won’t………because he said “didn’t you hear, they have raised the terror threat here in the UK and the States , no way am I flying.”

“Oh bollocks,” I replied.
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