I am such a huge Queen Mary 2 size idiot………I missed Mother’s Day……….I missed not only wishing my Mum, the woman that brought me up and gave me her sense of humour a happy Mother’s Day but I missed Heidi’s first as a Mum……..and that makes me a total and utter bastard in my eyes.
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I remember a comment on the blog last month commenting that it had taken nearly an hour from arrival at embarkation to actually walking on the ship……..an hour! I wonder what that person thinks when they hear the news that once these body scanner thingies are in place that we will have to check in about seven years before the flight is scheduled to leave.
CNN’s Wolf Blister was talking about this yesterday and the chap he was interviewing said that longer check-in times would be needed for security purposes……..what he didn’t say was that it’s also done so you can spend all of your vacation money in the airport shops.
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I have to admit something to you which may change your opinion of me. Last night before I went to bed……….. I killed four men.
The first two I shot with a good old-fashioned shotgun, and then for the third one, who was 9 feet high and wearing body armor complete with alien technology, I had to use a photon cannon…….thingy.
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I was speaking to bloggers Sharon and Marcus this week who told me that they went on a Beginners Scuba Tour in Cozumel this cruise……..and oh boy did that bring back some memories.
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Yesterday was a very busy day yet filled with joyous moments……..like when I read this comment.
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So Heidi returned to our home after it being empty of her and Kye and me for three weeks. And while she returned to normality in the house……the garden was another story all together. According to Heidi our garden looks as if the giant worms from the movie Tremors have been partying in it and a flame thrower would seem like a better gardening implement than the shovel and rake I have in my shed.
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And so it begins…
Guest: Mrs. ______ Ref: 846006032A
Cabin: ___ Booking#: ______ Added-Changed: 03/07/10 – 03/07/10GUESTS WANTS THE OSCARS ON THE GIANT SCREEN
Mrs._____ said that she had read the Capers but had not seen the Oscars being shown tonight. Guest said that she had been promised by her travel agent that this would be shown. Guest was quite upset so GSA called CD but he was at his TV morning show.
I have a stomach that looks like I have built an awning over my thingy……I have a Brazilian rain forest growing out of my nose and my ears………..I pee at 2 am, 4 am and 7 am which is OK except I wake up at 7:30 am………and I have hemorrhoids the size of Hummers. And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse……..I have a bald patch on the top of my head. I have been dreading this but knew it was coming. And it’s something that would make a normally rational man, such as, say, Marv Albert insert hair plugs into his scalp to make him look like some sort of weird man Barbie. Am I to become like Marv?
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So there we were, Heidi, Kye and I walking along deck 6 last night…..well……Heidi and I were walking…..Kye was being a lazy sod as usual and being chauffeured in her McLaren chariot. Anyway, we were walking from the aft to the forward section when a few cabins ahead of us we saw one of our room service ladies laden down with a tray full of tasty treats …….and if you are a climbing wall fan let me rub it in by saying “free tasty treats.”
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Is it me or are people getting more sensitive these days than before? Yesterday I came across two prime examples of this. The first involved a lady who I spoke to at the Captain’s Celebration during Elegant Night. I was standing with Captain Marino and I sensed her…….yes…………I sensed her before I saw her and turned around and saw a lady bearing down on me like a heat seeking missile………and my arse was her target.
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