Bugger. I was having a really good morning until a few minutes ago. It was just me, my cup of early morning tea, a bagel smothered with cream cheese and my underpants when I sat down to read my 71 e-mails and noticed at the top of my list was my ticket to Mobile, Alabama …………… and the bugger was because I have to fly again………..in economy!
Bloody hell I hate flying. Yes, yes I know exactly what some of you are saying “here he goes again the fat sod, moaning about flying.” And you are right, I should stop moaning but I can’t. It’s the whole experience I hate not just the fact that I am 30,000 feet in the air breathing in everyone else’s farts as well as my own. I hate flying because it turns the nicest people into selfish bastards. I’m not kidding………..most passengers morph into total shi*s the minute they’re handed a boarding pass. Let me explain what drives me absolutely bonkers
When queuing ….sorry…………..lining up…………. at check-in, why do people always ensure they leave it until the last second to get out their sodding documents out of their carry on.
Why do people always run to get your seat on the plane as if it might get full otherwise ………….. unless you are flying Ryanair in which case your life is already at the bottom of the poo barrel?
Once seated why do people immediately buckle their seatbelt and sigh loudly every time they have to unbuckle and stand to let me get to my seat. Oh and how bloody annoying is it when people take an eternity putting their bags in the overhead locker. And why do I always sit next to passengers who remove their shoes even on a short flight. No one minds the smell of mature cheddar …….. As long as you are comfortable mate
Why do passengers always recline their seat to its fullest extent, particularly when my meal is served. Oh, and if you want to piss me off never remove your headphones when the cabin crew speaks to you…….. Feel free to stare the stewardesses’ bottoms…… definitely undo your seatbelt the second the plane lands even if the light is still switched on which will mean you get home faster.
It’s time we stopped relying on airline travel as the recent volcano thingy has shown. Come on Fincantieri…………..stop messing about…………..and build us some Ferrari quick ships. A high speed people carrier that would cover Southampton to New York in ONE day and Miami to Houston in a few hours. We could even use nuclear propulsion as used by aircraft carriers and ice breakers. Would anyone fly long-haul again? ………………would they my arse.
Time for today’s questions…………..let’s crack on.
Irene H Asked:
Hello John, (please respond)We will be sailing on Liberty May 22-29. We have already been on this ship once before and just love it. We will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary and want to make this cruise very special for my husband!! Any ideas? Will you possibly be the CD at that time or will you be in the future?
Thanks for your help. Irene
John Says:
Hello Irene HI am sorry that I cannot be with you for this very special cruise. Tomorrow, I will be posting the Cruise Director schedule so you will be able to see who will be on your cruise. I am sure you have already booked a meal at the Steakhouse and I would kindly ask that you send one of the 343 Stephanies your cabin number please so I can send you a little anniversary gift. You could also consider a renewal of vows as well hosted by the Captain. Most importantly just tell him you love him and enjoy these 7 days of fun and relaxation.
Don’t forget to send me your details.
Best wishes to you both
JohnMike & Denise Dick Asked:
Hi John (please reply)First of all, let me say that I feel the same way about massages as you do. On our last cruise (Conquest 2008) my husband suggested we do the couples massage. Please understand that even if I were in top physical condition (which I’m not) this would be a stretch for me – no pun intended. Anyway, after I stared at him for about 30 seconds, he mumbled something about needing to go check on something and he was gone. I think he truly feared for his life at that moment. You would think that after being married for 23 years that he would know me better than that. Oh well, forgive and forget.
I’m really excited about our 25th anniversary cruise coming up May 8 on the Dream. We didn’t get to go on a cruise in 2009 because my husband’s hours were cut. For some reason, he concluded that eating and not being homeless were more important than taking a cruise (go figure). We have since had a very long discussion on priorities and I’m happy to say he is thinking much clearer these days.
This is my second posting on our cruise coming up but the last one was my first (try to figure that one out) and I think I forgot to add “please reply” and I want to hear from you. Your blog is hilarious and very informative. You are a lovely person and you have a lovely family.
btw, I know it is a lot to ask but could you arrange a meeting for me with Robert Pattinson? He is from London so I’m sure you know him. Lol I just would like to run my fingers through his hair (that’s it, I swear). I’ve tried it with my husband but as he’s hair challenged, I’m thinking it won’t be the same.
Seriously, we are planning on a cruise on the Conquest next year. I hope you will be the CD on our sailing and we get to meet you in person. Until then, my friend, I guess you will have to put up with my postings. I’ll try to limit them to 7-8 a day. I’m sure all the Stephanies will be glad to hear that!
Take care.
DeniseP.S. I actually DO eat the little mints on my pillow plus Mike’s and any I can bribe my room steward to give me. Hey here’s an idea: maybe you could arrange to have a few thousand sent to our stateroom for our anniversary? Thanks in advance.
Love your blog thingy.
John Says:
Mike & Denise DickI am glad to read you enjoy the blog and as I mentioned recently your pillow will still offer you your chocolate treat before bedtime. Thanks for the story about the couples massage, I can just picture your husband’s face as he ran away…….very quickly. I was sorry to read about how tough 2009 was for you and I hope that the years ahead are happier and more prosperous for you and for us all.
I have to admit that I had no bloody clue who Robert Pattinson is and so I had to ask Uncle Google who told me that he is a vampire so run your fingers through his hair if you want to but he might take a chunk out of your neck if you do.
While I can’t promise a meeting with him or that I will be the CD on the Carnival Conquest next year I can promise that you will have a brilliant time on your Carnival Dream and that you can expect a little gift from me. Have a great time and thanks for the fun posting.
Best wishes to you both
JohnMarcia Asked:
Dearest John, (I don’t like “Dear John” – it sounds like I’m breaking up with you!)I will be sailing with a large family group (23 people in 11 cabins) on the Carnival Spirit (notice the full name) on June 1st. The VIPs are my husband’s brother’s wife’s parents (whew!) and they are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Their names are Bob and Beverly. When they found out we were cruising to celebrate our 20th anniversary, they invited us to join them and their friends.
The cruise will be a bit melancholy for Bob – his best friend since kindergarten who was booked on the cruise with us died suddenly in February. His wife will still be joining us but I’m sure there will be times when we all remember Walt, sometimes with tears and sometimes with a smile.
So here is the favor I am asking of you, Dear John. We have 3 large tables in early seating. These tables are supposed to be near each other. Could at least one of those tables be near a window? Also, could the CD (I believe it is Stuart Dunn) send a note to Bob & Beverly? And for me–All I want is a solid gold plastic ship-on-a-stick.
Whatever you can do will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for doing your blog thingy and making me laugh. Keep up the good work and say hi to your girls for me! Kye is really the cutest thing with the sweetest smile! (I hope to see you on a bloggers cruise someday – maybe on the West Coast)
Marcia
John Says:
Hello MarciaI was sorry to learn about the sudden passing of Bob’s best friend and it sounds like a cruise on the Carnival Spirit is just what the doctor ordered to allow everyone to celebrate his life and the 50th anniversary of your friends. I have sent your information to the Maitre D on the Carnival Spirit and Stu the brilliant Cruise Director who will definitely do their best to help with your requests. I wish you all a wonderful time and please …….never break up with me and thanks for the kind words about my beautiful daughter.
Best wishes to all
JohnPaul T Asked:
John (please reply),A friend of mine told me I should write to you on your blog.
I recently got back from the Sensation. It was my first Carnival cruise and while I had a good time I was angry as a Christian that Carnival seemed only interested in plying you with drink and forcing you to gamble. Even the shows were full of erotic costumes certainly not suitable for a family audience. My children are aged 9 and 11 and we had to take them out of the show.
Our waitress Jessie from the Philippines was very good and we spoke about my evangelical work I had done in Manila.
I was interested to know your thoughts about my comments. Why is Carnival all about the pleasures of sin and not more about family clean and healthy fun. I have read a few of your blogs and I must say even your humor is boarding on pornographic at times.
Thank you though for taking the time to answer me.
Sincerely
Paul T, Hilton Head
South CarolinaJohn Says:
Hello Paul TLet’s start with your words of praise for Jessie your waitress which I will make sure she sees and thank you for taking the time to write. I am glad you started your posting by saying you had a good time because that is very important. I was though sorry to learn that you didn’t enjoy the shows because of the dancers’ costumes, which are similar to what you see in other production shows on cruise ships and in Las Vegas. Still, maybe we need to do a better job advertising the fact the shows do contain “showgirl” style costuming and I have written to the CD on the Carnival Sensation to ask him to do so. As for the gambling and drinking, well, certainly we have bars and a casino but also offer lots of other fun stuff including games, trivia, live music, karaoke, water slides, pools and of course fantastic food and fun service, all of which I hope you enjoyed.
Carnival carries more families and 650,000 children a year – more than any other cruise line — and we do this by assuring that we have the right mixture of fun and entertainment for everyone. I wonder, did your children try Camp Carnival? I hope they did because our award winning children’s program really is something we are very proud of and I hope they got to experience it.
As for my blogs “boarding on pornographic at times”……well, I guess I do get a little racy at times but as a Christian myself I believe God has a sense of humour. In fact I know he does …………..I have seen myself naked.
I hope you did have a good time and please let me apologize if you found the shows not to your liking try and remember the good times your family had and if you consider cruising with us again, please let me answer any concerns or questions you may have before you book.
Best wishes to you and the family
JohnCarrie Reardon Asked:
Hello John,I will be going on my third Carnival Cruise, with my DH for our Honeymoon, we will be on the Liberty May 1 and traveling with our friends, we are in cabin 7334 and 7336, my question is when we booked the rooms we booked them at the same time, but we would like to make sure we are sitting together at dinner, we both asked for late dinning, but would like to make sure we are sitting together. How do we go about doing this?
John Says:
Hello Carrie ReardonHave a wonderful cruise on the Carnival Liberty and I have asked the Maitre D to seat you and your friends together.
Best wishes to all
JohnElizabeth & Kenneth Johnson Asked:
John, we sailed our first cruise ever on the Dream Dec. 3, 2009. Never did get a chance to meet you, it was always something. I’m sure we’ll cruise on a ship where you are again our CD. My question is: My husband is legally blind/disabled with only about 3-5 degrees of peripheral vision left (gets worse every day). He had a terrible time making it through the crowds with his coffee/coke/juice without spilling or bumping into others on the last cruise. This time, we have informed Carnival he is Vision Impaired but never quite got a solid answer as to what accommodations he could receive on our cruise on Dream May 8-22 (back to back, yeah). He doesn’t expect to be waited on hand and foot but it would be nice when I am not with him if he could have his drink (coke, coffee) brought to him in my absence. This would not only benefit him but protect others from him accidentally spilling hot coffee, etc… On them. Can you tell me where to get a direct answer before we sail? Or do you already know what we can expect?
Thank you for all you do and have done as the Best CD! I knew you would do all you could to help us find a solution to our dilemma, and we thank you so very much!
Love to your sweet family.
John Says:
Hello Elizabeth & Kenneth JohnsonI am sorry we never got to say hello to each other on your Carnival Dream. It was my bloggers cruise and I was very busy but hopefully one day we will get to meet in person. Please do not worry about your husband this time. I have sent your details to the Hotel Director who will make sure that the crew is alerted to your husband’s needs. However, please tell your husband this. If he is seated on Lido and needs a drink please tell him to ask any of the staff there. They will for sure help him. Anyway, for now, just look forward to your cruises and let the brilliant crew of your Carnival Dream take care of you both. Thanks so much for the kind words.
Best wishes to you both
JohnMsqpon – Jo Myerly Asked:
John, PleasereplyHi John, Sometime when you get a chance I would love to see a list of which Carnival ships have the future cruise certificates and which ones have the photo machines like the Carnival Splendor and the Carnival Dream. We are going on the Carnival Elation thru the Panama Canal at the end of this month and the Carnival Miracle in December. Please check this out for me.
Thanks for all you do.
Jo MyerlyJohn Says:
Hello Jo MyerlyThe Future Cruise and Loyalty desk can be found onboard all our 7 day or more ships and will soon be on the Carnival Imagination as well and is already onboard the Carnival Elation.
I am a bit confused about the photo machines you refer to on the Carnival Splendor. Can you please let me know which ones you are referring to? I know you and Dave will have a great time on the Panama Canal cruise and hope to hear all about it when you get home.
Best wishes to you both
JohnCharlene Szwec Asked:
Hi John, Please replyI’m having so much fun reading the blogs from so many different people. Your answers and comments are great and I tip my bonnet to you for being a much better person then those who complain. I really admire you and your staff.
I blogged you a while ago and received my answer in a very quick time and I thank you for your help.
My husband and I are going to be on the Carnival Dream for a back to back June 12 – June 26 for our 40th anniversary. We signed up for the open dining and we are wondering if the menu for this is the same as the early and late seatings. Not that it really matters because no matter where we eat everything is always wonderful. Everything about Carnival has always been top notch. This will be out 9th and 10th cruise and you were the CD on two of our other cruises. You were wonderful then and I know you are still a wonderful CD.
I have another question. Did you meet Heidi on Carnival and wasn’t she a Carnival dancer? Is Heidi also English or is she American? I’m just being curious.
Keep up the great job doing this blog. I really appreciate it as I know many of thousands of others do also.
Take care and thank you very much.
Charlene SzwecJohn Says:
Hello Charlene SzwecThank you for the kind words and I am glad I was able to help you. You will really enjoy YTD (Your Time Dining) and the menu is indeed exactly the same as the guests who book early and late sitting will enjoy. I wish I could be with you to help celebrate getting your shiny Platinum card and thank you for your loyalty. Heidi is Dutch and she will be thrilled to learn you thought she was a dancer but in fact she and I met off ships, at a restaurant in Holland. She had never heard of Carnival or had taken a cruise but it was love at first sight……..well…..love sponsored by Heineken……and then eventually she came to work with me onboard the then new Carnival Destiny in 1996 as a Youth Staff member. Then she became my assistant and the rest is history as they say.
I am very grateful for your kind words and hope we you have a brilliant time on your back to back Carnival Dream cruises.
Best wishes to all.
JohnAnne Martin Asked:
John Reply PleaseI am a big fan of your blog and Cruise Critic and while I was reading reviews of Carnival ships I found this comment from someone called “fancymeetingyouhere” which I thought you should read. His review of the Dream is not very good but the bit that struck me was what he said about you
The cruise director John Heald (not sure if I spelt his name correctly) was an absolute scream. He is absolutely hilarious – I wish he made an appearance more often (perhaps tear him away from the buffet once in a while) as I don’t think I could ever get sick of this guy – funny funny funny. If you want to see this guy you better hurry as he is a heart attack in the making as he is enormously huge.
I think maybe you should be aware of the passenger’s perception of you and if you think you need to take steps to change
Love your blog.
AnneJohn Says:
Hello AnneThank you………..I think………for sending me this comment… Why could he not just say I was funny which is hopefully the main perception that guests who meet take with them.
Strange, I don’t think of myself as “enormously huge”…….oh well.
Best wishes
John
That’s all for today……………..boy, that was a mixed bag of questions wasn’t it? I think I need to calm down and try and try and feel better about myself why don’t I leave you with so more wonderful photos from Radu of the Carnival Elation.
Tomorrow we gaze through Radu’s magical lens at Catalina during the ship’s last call there.
Yesterday I mentioned the new karaoke live activity which we call Rock Star. I thought you might like to see the official logo and poster we are using for this along with some examples of the songs that you yes you, can sing with the live band.
Regarding the list of things of prohibited items, there is a meeting in Miami on Monday where people with beards will script a final list of what can and cannot be brought onboard our ships. I will report back to you on this next week and meanwhile if you have any thoughts or questions please let me know…………………
There is a blogger called Charlie Sedtal, who is sailing this week with me here on the Carnival Conquest who had 4 bottles of beer confiscated. Except it wasn’t beer. It was Stewarts Diet Root Beer………….and it was for me.
It took Charlie a few minutes to explain to our staff that this was not beer…….it was soda but I guess root beer is not too popular in Slovakia and Bombay. Anyway, it was all sorted and there are now two bottles of Diet Stewart’s root beer in my refrigerator. My thanks to Charlie and Robbie for their wonderful kindness.
Here we are back in Grand Cayman and it is a lovely day. Usually at this point I call them cheap for not building a pier but as I said last week it appears that they are finally going to call Bob and get one built.
The guests have been terrific this cruise as seems to be the norm here and after the magic show I walked down Promenade to see the new band I had requested to come to the ship. It took me about 45 minutes to get from the main lounge to the casino bar as people stopped me, took photos and took the time to say “y’all are very funny.” One lady told me that she had “peed her pants” at the Marriage Show and my offer for her to have a pair of mine as an apology was rejected.
We still get some comments of course. A few noise complaints, AC too cold or too hot and a few about staterooms not being what they thought they had booked. But here, on the Carnival Conquest the Guest Services Incident report is just a few pages……………..although this cruise 50% of those pages belongs to my old mate ……………Mr. Celebrity.
He hates me, hates my jokes hates the shows, hates the steakhouse, hates the food and now as you will see, he has turned his attention elsewhere.
Guest: Mr ———-Ref: 830016175A Owner: (CQCHPUR) Conquest Chief Purser
Cabin: ——-Booking#: ____ Added-Changed: 04/28/10 – 04/28/10Guest came to the desk demanding to speak to the Captain. GSA asked what was wrong. Mr_____ said that he had found a dark hair on his pillow that was not his as his wife had dark hair and he had no hair. Guest had the black hair with him taped to a piece of paper and would not leave the desk until he spoke to the Captain. GSA called GSS to come and speak to the guest.
Guest has multiple comments: see pages 4, 5, 6 and 7 of IR
He taped the hair to a piece of paper, good grief! There are times when you just have to laugh and there are times when you feel like suggesting to Mr. Celebrity to bugger off and never come back. Obviously we apologized for “the hair” and of course, surprise, sur-bloody-surprise he has demanded compensation. We have now added Mr. Celebrity’s name to our warning list so that if he ever cruises with us again we will be prepared. It’s not often you will hear me say this on the blog thingy but honestly, the way he has spoken to the crew ……..Brand X are welcome to him ……………….hair my arse.
Everyone it seems is growing a beard. Two previously senior vice presidents at Carnival have grown them and today, a fly on comedian who I have not seen for a few years arrived sporting a full face of hair.
And it’s not just Carnival chaps either it seems. Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Sting and even the most famous lady soccer player in the world David Beckham have been telling their razors to bugger off. Of course it’s not just the young and tanned that are doing it. The new Carnival beardists are my age and I wonder that along with the Porsche, the leather jacket, the gym membership, the wine cellar, the Very Big Plasma TV and the Eye Phone, the beard is a classic response to, and symptom of, a mid-life crisis………………….maybe I should grow one myself.
One thing that is not growing anymore is Chris Jefferson’s plant. For those who do not know Chris, he is the permanent Cruise Director of the Carnival Conquest and I am ship sitting for him. Amongst the instructions he left me was to look after his house plant he has proudly sitting by the cabin office window. I remembered to water it the first cruise but ummmm………..I seem to have forgotten these past few weeks. I thought it looked a bit sickly and so I asked a few people to come and have a look at it including Doctor Jason the ship’s senior physician who said …………..it was dead. I didn’t believe him. I’ve watered it, read it poetry, played the sodding thing Celine Dion records even crushed up a Viagra pill and sprinkled it on the soil. But it’s hopeless …………….Chris’ plant is dead……………the cabin has become the Killing Fields…………..the leaves are brown and crisp as withered as my thingy after seeing Judge Judy naked.
Chris won’t be happy.
Neither will Mr. Celebrity……….when he finds it on his pillow.
Goodnight
Your friend
John
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
Poor Chris!! His plant didn’t deserve to die!! Perhaps socialized health care would have made a difference…
Concerning the flying thing… it’s a mercifully short flight from Houston to Mobile. Sadly, because of Osama bin Hidin’ and the boys the time spent getting on the airliner will be twelve times longer than the flight. Bugger…
Here’s hoping that Mr. Celebrity will NEVER be on a cruise ship with me. I’d like to tape some hair to a piece of paper for him… twit…
All the best to the wonderful crew of the Carnival Conquest and my condolences to Chris…
Ciao!
Host Mach
Hi, John -
Guess you could say I’m a newbie to this blog thingy. I was following your blogs during the construction of Carnival Dream, but haven’t really been out here for several months. But this week for some reason I started reading. I love it. A bright spot in my day.
I just booked the bloggers cruise (which I’d never heard of before) for next year and am looking forward to meeting you. Of course, my husband is kind of clueless to the whole blog world – he’ll just be happy to be back on board the Glory (we were on that ship in October of 2005).
Anyway, thank you for being you.
Connie
That Mr. Celebrity is something else. It doesn’t seem like he likes anything at all. I wonder why he even spent the money to come on the cruise. I have been on the Conquest and had a wonderful time and loved everything about it. I hope you don’t waste any time worrying about the opinons of jerks like that. Whenever I have run into people like that I just keep telling myself “at least I don’t have to live with them.” Can you imagine being around someone like that all the time? That thought is worse than any horror movie I could watch.
His poor wife……
Hi John, sorry we will miss you in Sept. on the Carnival Conquest! It will be my 22nd cruise with Carnival, and I have yet to sail with the best CD on the seas.
As far as the shows being too racy for children, and too much ‘pushing’ of drinks and gambling, we all have free will. Feel free to leave the shows, feel free to not gamble and feel free to skirt the Casino’s. There’s so much to do on a Carnival ship that you will always find something fun to occupy your time.
As for me, I just walk around smiling and doing anything I want to, and that is usually partaking of the buffet, pizza or ice cream. But hey, that’s just me.
Looking forward to sailing with you sometime, I want my picture taken with the best blogger on line.
I’m not sucking up, I can’t think of anything to ask for….
Peach
Yes Peaches! We don’t drink, smoke, or gamble and we just can’t wait for the 5th cruise. I think we walked thru the Casino ONCE on the Conquest enroute somewhere else. We took all our family, as well as 5 yr old and 11 yrs, and were so busy with the good clean fun, as well as educational fun on excursions that the other stuff went unnoticed. We only saw Casino on Valor from an open doorway.
You said it, just walk around smiling & breathing the air. A.S.
Just got off the Conquest on 4/25. I got hooked on you during the cruise (not in a stalker sort of way). I can see why you have such a following. I think the Bedtime Story was my highlight of the trip. I haven’t laughed like that since….ever. Some of that had to be staged. It was way too funny to be spontaneous. Everything on the cruise was wonderful! I was so impressed with your sincerity towards passengers. Next time I decide to take a cruise I’ll definitely check out your schedule.
At least you won’t have to worry about the meal from TX to AL…because you won’t get one. I agree with the people who wait until they’re next in line to get their documents out. If you know you’re going to need them, why not have them out already? They’re right up there with the people who wait until it’s their turn to go through security to get everything out of their carryon bag!
Personally, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about Mr. X sailing on a Carnival ship again.
Dear John (you don’t need to reply, but please read for Monday’s meeting)
There has been A LOT of discussion on Cruise Critic about the new list of prohibited things from Carnival. Clarification would be a really good thing.
I think what upsets folks the most (and it sure upsets me) is that nothing was announced or changed in the wording and suddenly everything you used to be able to take is prohibited.
I know that if I showed up at the pier with the fan and power cord I’ve taken on the last 16 cruises and it got taken (thrown) away, it would have started off the cruise on a sour note.
But the item I would like you to have the beards check on is BATTERY powered fans. If it doesn’t have a cord…can I bring it.
Thanks John!
Denise
Denise,
Can I ask why anyone would need a fan on a Carnival ship? We’ve been on 13 Carnival ships of all sizes and never had a cabin that didn’t get COLD enough. My wife loves our bedroom always cold. The first thing I do when we get into our cabin is turn the thermo all the way down. My wife is happy but I freeze. We had one cabin that was hot because no matter were I looked I couldn’t find the thermostat. When I called the GSD they told me look up by the vent. Yeap there it was and once I opened it the wife was happy.
BIG ED
PS, we always cruise in Jan and Feb so that may help too.
Ed:
There are many reason people take fans….mainly because (like me) they sleep with them every night at home. And it may be a Southern thing….how we deal with the heat.
But now the main reason I sleep with a fan is because of surgical menopause. I now know where they got the term “hell hath no furry, as a woman scorned”.
I guarantee that woman was going through surgical menopause! LOL
And there are cabins like 2385 on the Glory that never got below 80 degrees the entire time we were there. (my travel clock has a room temp gage on it).
So there are legitimate reasons out there….
Princess Linda (Mom of DJ)
It’s not the temperature, I like/want/need the fan for the noise and the breeze (so a noise machine or app for that won’t work for me) We always turn the AC to the coolest setting and have have varying degrees of sucess keep the room cool enough.
I also cruise in Jan and Feb, but the Caribbean is pretty consistantly 80 degrees.
Maybe its because I live in the frozen northern wastelands around Seattle????
D
Too Funny Linda! You blame it on being a southerner, I blame it on being a northerner, but truth is…
If you need a fan, you need a fan!
I wouldn’t go so far as to take a fan with me but I can speak to the cabin temperature variables. On last week’s Victory sailing, I did not go to sleep with the covers on once. The cabin would cool a little during the night but even then, all I needed was the sheet. Vent was open fully. Our friend was a few doors away and her cabin was like an ice box.
A couple of comments about two of the questions. First off to Paul T. The reason that they offer a casino and alcohol is simple……MONEY! And there is nothing wrong with that. I am sure that you and many other people would love a cruise with no casino and no alcohol and be completly sin free, but the truth of the matter is there wouldn’t be that many people on it. Also, was it not Jesus that turned water into wine? As far as the dancer’s costumes, was the show not described as a Vegas style show? When I think Vegas style show I am not immagining girls dancing around in floor length skirts to the book of psalms.
As for Anne Martin, I know you didn’t write the review of John, but your last comment about “changing his ways” was a little uncalled for. Just sending that comment was just plain mean and in very poor taste. I am sure that you would not like an email calling you fat and telling you that you need to change.
Regarding Paul T’s comment about the “pleasures of sin” – in 11 cruises, no one has ever twisted my arm to buy a drink or go to the casino. In fact, the only time I have ever played in the casino was on Carnival Glory last year when I had extra quarters left over from laundry (before we were Platinum and could send out our laundry as a perk!) and decided to try the slots. I came out $1.75 ahead! I’m not sure where in the cruise world he would find a teetotaling, non-gambling ship – even Disney has alcohol!
As for the dancers’ costumes – I’ve seen much more revealing outfits on the Lido deck.
I hope he didn’t go to the Marriage Show and hear the question about the hooker or the missionary!
That’s why I spend a lot of time on the Lido deck….:<)
Anne Martin:
Geez…if this is the way you treat people you “love”…I would hate to see how you treat folks that you hate.
The good new is that John can always lose weight if he chooses to do so…unfortunately, your rudeness is usually the sure sign of someone who has a permanent character flaw.
Linda (Mom of DJ)
I second that Linda!
I third that!!!
Hello John! My sisters and neice and I sailed with you on the Conquest March 28th. The primary purpose for this cruise was for our brother’s burial at sea. I wanted to let you know that the Officers present at our ceremony were simply wonderful. They did not rush us at all and observed reverence throughout the ceremony. The cruise was the best ever, and we so enjoyed meeting you. My best friend and I are sailing on the Spirit for an 8 day cruise out of San Diego (our home town) in November. I am really looking forward to yet another great experience. Sorry to see the Elation go though, she was great for long weekend getaways!
I agree with you about flying. Since we’re on the west coast it is necessary to travel to enjoy some of the cruises on the other coast, but on our next cruise (we have 6 booked in the next year) we’re taking the train to New York to join the Glory Sept. 6th. Three days of watching the world go by from a private sleeper the way we used to travel across the country! I figure what better way to spend our 31st anniversary than by rail and then a few nights in New York before a cruise. We’re also booked for the Splendor in Feb ’11, probably too late to be on the ship while you are. Oh well, one of these days you’ll be on the same ship we are.
John:
First….let me make this clear…I do think of you as “enormously huge” …
where your heart, compassion, patience and all other GRAND qualities, that most people can only dream of, are concerned.
You are the most “enormously huge” individual that I know … in humor, joy, character and grace are concerned. Now where weight is concerned….sorry, you are not.
I have to wonder if Paul T. just dropped in from the moon?? When he booked his cruise, did he just throw a dart and it landed on Carnival?? Everyone (unless they have been raised under a rock) knows that Carnival sells alcohol, has gambling and has Vegas type shows.
And, as a true believer ( a term I prefer…since the :word: Christian is so thrown around these days) I can attest that while on a Carnival cruise….a person can be “in the world” without being “of the world”. Anything that I don’t care for…guess what…I don’t have to participate in.
In 34 cruises, no one has ever come to our cabin and forced me or our children to attend the Midnight Adult Comedy routine or any of the shows.
We have found plenty to keep us entertained that don’t have anything to do with John T’s “version of sin”.
Loved the list for Rock Star….one question… are they in B Flat??? (since I invented the key of B Flat ~ ie limited range …just about the only key I can sing in) LOL
Linda (Mom of your friend ~ who just helped Dad wax his redneck truck and is now exhausted~ DJ)
John ,please reply!!!
Has carnival come up w/ any plans for cruises out of the gulf coast ports w/ the major oil spill we have off the coast of Louisiana?
The oil should hit the mouth of the Mississippi river on fri . 4- 30 -2010.
This is a major oil spill which will affect our shrimp – oyster and fishing industry.
This is going to rival the exxon valdez spill b4 it is over.
Chin up Bob. We as cajuns have survived for hundreds of years and we will survive this.
Just a lil advice for all of you out threre , If you like gulf coast seafood, Buy it in the next 2 or 3 days . Because once this oil spill hits the price is going to go thru the Roof.
Please pray for us and our coast line and our lifestyle.
Because this spill has the capacity to change EVERTHING as we have known it for all our lives.
OMG, I just cackled like a maniac at that last line.
I can’t believe this doofus thinks that he can act like that. What kind of compensation does he want? A free X cruise? I would love to see what happens if he books with Carnival again. Oh, and pity his poor cruising companions. I’d have tossed him overboard by now…
Maybe we should take up a collection….to send Mr X back to X-land!
John,
I have to say that in our 21 Carnival cruises (and 8 others) we have never been forced to drink alcohol or gamble. Most times we don’t even go into the casino. If you don’t like the shows, don’t go. If you want a Coke, get one instead of an alcoholic drink. If you don’t want to gamble, don’t go there. We’ve never been forced to do anything we didn’t want to do.
Hope he can find a vacation he likes.
George and Linda
Hi John!! I have a comment about the post today from Anne Martin. Actually it’s not about her, it’s TO her.
Anne, why do you and people like you, feel it’s your business to tell people how they should look.? I would think that you would have been taught as a child that hurting people feelings is not a good thing. Apparently you missed that lesson. So unless you are the persons doctor, you should mind your own business.
John, I sincerely apoligize for the rudeness you have to endure. If you, Keidi, and Kye are happy, then thats all that should matter to us! We love your humour, your witt, and your selflessness. Keep up the great work, and do whatever it takes to keep your life full of smiles!!
I don’t know who is wrose the stupid person who posted on cruise critic their thougths of you or the person who saw fit to “share” it with you – seriously they need to mind their own business.
XX00
I hate to admit it but I have tried brank X since it was an itinerary Carnival didn’t do. I am probably on their warning list after completing their cruise survey and telling them Carnival had them beat by a mile on everything including all the food..not just the steaks! It was the most boring ship I have ever been on. Mr. Celebrity knows not what he is speaking but probably complains to brand X as well to try to get freebies.
Sorry the plant died but I don’t have any live ones at my house anymore either because I too have killed them. In defense of your coach ticket, its probably considered a regional flight and smaller aircraft don’t always have business or first class seats. The good thing is that it should be a quick flight.
Cheryl
John, slap your hand for killing Chris’s plant!!!! You could replace it and get Ugly Craig to go to the nearest Walmart in Galveston and replace it with another plant.
Chris is a great CD!!! Does his wife still work on the same ship as him?
John, For gosh sakes debark this guy for the way he has treated the crew if its that bad. Wow and I thought the ladys from last week were bad. BUT shessh it sounds like this guy is much worse! How about put him in a locked showroom with a bunch of us bloggers. We will take care of his celebrity for you!
Big Fans as Allways,
Frank and Bridie
Oh, John! You crack me up! Feel free to rant about air travel anytime you want, because that’s just really great material there! LOL!
I’m sorry you have to face Chris’ wrath over the dead plant, and that you have to deal with Mr. Celebrity and with the rather “enormously tacky” comment. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re huge at all. Judging from the pictures I’ve seen, you are looking great, and I commend you for losing the weight! Kudos to you also for being so gracious when confonted with such a backhanded “compliment.”
Laura
Please Reply
Hi John I just want to let you know that I am really enjoying your blog. My first Cruise ever was on Valor and not knowing what to expect I went in nervous but that all disappear as soon as I got on the ship and started meeting all the nice crew. Our Steward Jose was awsome we never had a problem I am diabetic and when he found this out he had a sharps container for me. and opened the fridge for me to put my insulin in and this was before we were allowed in our rooms.
Our Dinner Crew was awsome they spoiled us so much it wasnt funny Norman and I think Byron made us not want anyone else to serve us. and Byron at the late night food court always had our milk waiting on us. They made it that we wanted to do another cruise with you guys and we will be on Liberty on June 5, 2010 Even tho our Anniversary would have been 3 months eariler ( March 29) ( 14 yrs for us) we booked this cruise to celebrate it. We are Traveling with our Little girl Lilli K so that makes it more special for us. My point your probably are wanting to know is I just wanted to brag about the Crew On Valor and How they turned us into Cruise Addicts
have a wonderfulday
susan
Dear John,
I just wanted to tell you that my family and I had the best time last week on the Conquest with you. You made the cruise so funny and we loved all the shows, That marriage show was so great, with Richard Goats( as in Yaba Daba Doo) and with Dick Littte and his wife Anita Little was the best show ever, plus we cant forget Tiger, I just wanted to know if I was able to order cruise DVDs if we didnt order them while we were on the boat, I wasnt able to order the marriage show or the final talent show either, but If i cant its okay, just wanted to tell u again how much we enjoyed you and u made it the best for us, please email me back if u can, thank u, Josh Mallory- Conquest cruiser 4-18-2010
Hi John (please reply)
Chris Jefferson was the cruise director on the Carnival Triumph in 2005 which was my first cruise. He is absolutely brilliant. I then saw him again a couple of years later on either the Carnival Glory or Carnival Valor and by then he was married. Do they have any children yet?
Hopefully I will be able to join you on the bloggers cruise in February. I have a good friend who is considering coming with me and guess what? She’s from England too.
Happy Birthday to Heidi! Sorry I missed it yesterday.
Take care,
Cindy
Dear John,
I do hope Mr. Celebrity decides to stay with X cruise lines as it seems he is trouble to have onboard and is only looking for something free. Heres hoping he’s not a member of Cruise Critic as I can see his review would be one of those that stirs the pot.
John -
my mom and I were on the conquest April 18th -25th. It was my first cruise, my mom and I took the cruise for her birthday. You gave us an amazing week. Laughing so hard all week long. Between Tiger, Dick little and Mary from the bedtime story… Just thinking back now… So funny.
I can only imagine how much you miss your wife and daughter…. Being away from them for such long periods of time must be hard. I hope it makes it easier for your family to know you do you job brilliantly. You help many people and families make memories to last a lifetime. Mom and I were very sorry we did not get to meet you this trip. I will be looking for you for future cruises. God bless you, Julio, for what you do. God bless your family for going long periods of time and allowing you to help alot of us make beautiful memories.
Thank you, John – you are a very funny man.
John,
I’ve been watching the news about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Just wondering if it has had any effect on the cruise ships in the Gulf. Doesn’t one of them home port in New Orleans? What’s the news from down there?
I’ve gotten to rely on your blog to keep me informed about all things cruise industry related. You’re my Cruise News!
Joyce
John I have been reading your blog off and on for the past couple years and I really enjoy it. I also appreciate that you supply a place where the people who cruise with Carnival can be heard. I really felt the need to say something about this new decision to prevent people from bringing things that make their vacation better. I have been on 13 Carnival cruises over the past 10 years and we have always brought some type of power cord as you can not live with just on outlet in a cabin. We also travel with an iPod, alarm clock, battery chargers for camera batteries, cell phone charger, and some times portable DVD player or game system for our son. We work very hard to be able to take vacation there for when on vacation this is my time to watch movies that I don’t get time for. Some people think I’m nuts for setting in my cabin and watching movies but I tell them it’s my vacation and I will do what I enjoy. They can do what they want and I won’t say a thing. Most of this stuff draws hardly any electrical consumption at all. I can understand a safety issue as some people could bring faulty cord with them and you don’t have the man power to inspect them all. I guess I just don’t understand why in this day and age with the world revolving around electronic equipment someone would design a cabin with one outlet and then not expect people to adapt to make it work for them. If Carnival is really concerned they should supply some type of cord them selves. I don’t mind a list of stuff that they would like to see kept off the ship like things with motors that may draw more electricity but people just can’t live with out some of the conveniences we use these days. How many things do you have in your cabin that has to be plugged in? Or how many things does the crew use. I would think you guys should be under the same rules as the guests??? Are you ready to give up your DVD’s, cell phone, iPod, computers, and what ever else you plug in. If it’s not safe for us I’m sure it’s not safe for you guys either.
Thanks for the time to vent,
John
John:
It just dawned on me that Mr. X may be on Carnival because he has already made X’s “no cruise list” for his multiple complaints.
Just a thought…
Linda (Mom of DJ)
Linda,
Exactly what I’ve been thinking all along!
Mary
Mary:
Great minds think alike….. ; )
Linda
Hi John!
Just wanted to wish you a lovely weekend.
I like your idea of ferrari type ships to get you to miami and Houston. That’s would be quite a ship.
Sorry that Chris’s plant died but now you can pick him up a new gift and he’ll always remember you for it.
Only a few more hours with Mr. Celebrity and then he will move on.
Take care and enjoy!
David
To address Paul T’s comment in the blog. Just because you are a conservative family does not mean that everyone on the ship feels the same. There is something for everybody and not everything can be made G-rated for children as there are adults who want to vacation in their way too. No cruiseline hides the fact that there is gambling, drinking or Vegas style shows onboard. In fact, most actually use that to advertise so no one can claim that they did not know prior to the cruise. Personally, I do like to drink, but when I wanted an iced tea or a pop, never felt like it was pushed on me by any stretch of the imagination. I usually only throw a couple of bucks into the slot machine and have never felt forced to gamble and could easily avoid the casino if I wanted. I don’t have any problem just walking through the area. The shows are advertised as Vegas-style, but I have never though that the costumes were “erotic” by any means. I’ve seen far skimpier on the lido deck or beach in Cozumel.
Sorry you have to put up with Mr. X, John. After that many complaints, I can’t help but think the bearded ones would allow you to tell him bugger off. (Or perhaps a kick in the pants once he’s begun down the gangway.)
A brief comment on being dependent on flying. I’m so very thankful that cruise lines have settled in locations other than FL! Baltimore is 4hrs from home and New York is 6. We’ve happily driven to both several times to avoid flying to our cruises!
Michael
Stephanie(s)
I really appreciate it!
You don’t have to post this if you don’t want to. I just wanted to say “Thanks” for your quick work!
ANOTHER THANK YOU!!!
YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda (Mom of DJ)
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! For posting the CD list for the remainder of 2010. Way back in November, I booked a trip on the Dream for October 2. I am so pleased to see that Butch will be the CD. I think he is just fantastic. He was CD on my cruise on the Liberty last fall. Actually, I’d say that his work as CD on the Liberty made my trip that much better. His energy and sense of fun is contageous.
John, concerning prohibited items: until Carnival and other lines provide more electrical outlets in cabins, I don’t think that power strips should be prohibited. Has there ever been a safety problem caused by the use of such power strips?
Ours blew one day last time when the electricity flared. I won’t bring one again. I’ll just deal with having the one outlet.
John,
(Please Reply)
I have read on your blog that the Future Cruise Desk Should be open soon on the Carnival Elation and the Carnival Imagination. Do you have any Idea If the Bearded Ones have Plans to Open one one on the Carnival Ecstasy? We are Booked On our 2nd Cruise on the Carnival Ecstasy in October with my Wife’s Parents as well as another Couple from Work and we are all thinking of Future Cruises and would love to have the option to Purchase Future Cruise Credits on Board so we can start Planning our Next Escape from the Rat Race.. We Really Enjoyed Steve”s Preformances on our last Cruise and If I would have waited just a little longer my wife might not be mad at me, as I see by the new CD Schedule Steve is getting off the day we go onboard.:( Thanks for putting up with the things you do and letting all of us see through your Blog how different people React to different situations. You handle it all with Grace and Dignity that I am Suprised you have any hair left. Keep up the GREAT JOB that You do.. Hope to see you in the Med Next Year.
Hello John (please Reply)
We have a couple of questions for you, first off what is the future crusie certificates? is this some thing new carnival is doing for there guest?
We will be crusing on the freedom in Feb. 2011 this will be our 5th cruise on carnival, we have never had any bad experience’s on any of our cruises. we have had the pleasure of having you as our CD on two of our cruises our first one on the Liberty, and then again on the Dream this past Feb.2010,
the cruise coming up this coming Feb.2011 we will be celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary, we are looking forward to this cruise this brings me to our next question we want to take the tour thru the canal is there a way we can find out if this excursion will still be operating at the time we dock the last time we took this cruise the canal tour did not operate we are so looking forward to doing this. We trully enjoyed having you as the CD on our past cruises. I am wondering if there is any thing special you can do to help make this next cruise more special? any thing you could do will be greatly appreciated. Our cabin number on this cruise is 6205 booking number *** on the Freedom 2/12/2011
your friends
terry and peggy rummler
To all, The last time, and I really mean the last time, we cruised on the X ship it was like being in a hospital. I had to look and see if there was a cross instead of a X. Without a doubt we observed dozens of cabin doors with a sign that said “Oxygen in Use”. At 9pm the lounges were dead so we had little choice but to go back to the cabin. Funny that last cruise was out of Galveston!
Jim
Hi there, I hear you on flying. We live in Southern California and my two sons want to go on a cruise in the Caribbean but I hate to fly just because of your statements above as well.
We are going to be on the Splendor on Nov 21st, 2010 and can’t wait to meet you.
Are there any tips about this ship you can provide to us?
Take care
Hi John,
Totally enjoy and look forward to each and every one of your blogs.
I wanted to pass along some information on a cruise related podcast I came across recently titled:
Carnival Dream, Episode One: Getting There (Monday, May 10, 2010), which I found at http://www.cruisenotebook.com/The_Cruise_Guys/Podcasts/Podcasts.html.
I haven’t had the pleasure of cruising on the Dream yet and was looking forward to getting some useful information on the Carnival Dream until the Hosts made what I feel was an inappropriate reference to “Carnival’s Very Famous Blogging Cruise Director” . Needless to say, I immediately deleted the podcast and went to read your lastest blog!
You are doing a GREAT job and keep on doing what you do.
Michael