My Morning Shows are a very important part of what I do as a CD. On the Destiny-class ships the only live feed comes from the Circle C room which means I have to read out dozens of letters while seated on a couch designed for kids which in turn means its three inches off the ground and covered in boogers.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon after leaving Grand Cayman I had to do an extra show such was the vast quantity of letters that I had received. I didn’t want anyone who had taken the time to write a passionate letter of dedication not to have it read out……….I actually had 41 letters for this show only and by the end of the cruise I will have probably read out 300 plus.
Anyway, back to Circle C. When I arrived to set up the show there was one solitary 14 year old (or he could have been 27 as I no longer have the capability to tell how old kids are these days) playing a video game. And so while I waited for the camera people to set up I asked if I could have a go. 14 – 27 year old shrugged his shoulders and passed me the thing he was holding ……. the game was Rock Band: The Beatles and there I stood………..with my guitar thingy.
Now, I know that I am about as technically minded as a slug but I have to ask…………..am I missing something here.
I can’t see what all the sodding fuss is about. To me, this Beatles video game involves standing in front of a television holding a small plastic “guitar” that has five colour coded buttons stuck on it. On the TV screen a sequence of coloured blobs head toward you. My job was to hit the button on my toy guitar that corresponds with each blob. In short, if you stuck a Beatles album on your stereo and spent an evening playing Tetris, you would have a very similar experience.
The track I chose was “Hard Day’s Night” and off I went. There is an element of competition in the game in that if you are terrible at keeping in time with the music, it stops, and a computer generated voice with a Liverpool accent says “Start Again, You Are Not ready For the Fab Four.” If this was real Liverpool it would say “Sit your arse down, you are a lump of sh*t.”
If you hit the right notes in time with your fellow band members you gain points. I made it through half of the song before Paul, George and Ringo realised that John was totally crap and told me to bugger off. So, I gave the guitar thing back to the 14 – 27 year old who started blazing his way through Twist and Shout.
Somebody once told me that these guitar games are an inspiring way for the kids of today to learn music………..bollocks. Teenagers should be sitting in cold piano rooms learning arpeggios until they think their spotty heads will explode, like I had to. And they should be forced to listen to proper Beatles albums on proper record players………… And not on Eye Pods………….oh and while we are at it can I just say this to all teenage boys “PULL YOUR SODDING PANTS UP.”
Time for today’s questions……..of we go.
Chacoee Asked:
John – replyYou do realise don’t you that everyone who starts their postings with how good you are or stuff about your family are just saying that to get you do something for them or send them free stuff. It makes me sick and I know others on Cruise Critic feel the same and shame on you for encouraging them.
John Says:
Hello ChacoeeI am here to help anyone and everyone I can, including you.
Best wishes
JohnLibby Asked:
John Please Reply.Thank you for all the updates on various ships but the one we are waiting to hear about is The Carnival Magic.
Will we have a Transatlantic in Oct. 2011?
We have already started the roll call for Oct 28, 2011 on Cruise Critic and are waiting to book to go “wherever” whenever she leaves Barcelona the end of Oct 2011.
Please give us hope!
John Says:
Hello LibbyHope should spring eternal for you and your Cruise Critic group. There will be a trans-Atlantic crossing as far as I know and although I do not have the details or the date or which homeport she will end up at I can tell you that this information will be here soon. Please don’t worry and I hope that I will be with you all for this adventure? Please keep reading the blog thingy and hopefully our super spy PA 007 will reveal all very soon.
Best wishes to you and all your CC friends.
Johnkatetroy Asked:
Hello John,Love your blog. My husband has been on a few cruises with his family when he was a child, but I have never been. The problem is that we do not wish to leave our pooch. Are there any cruises that allow dogs as passengers?
John Says:
Hello KatetroyI know that there are many who agonize about leaving the family dog at home while they enjoy a magnificent cruise experience. Unfortunately the only dogs we allow onboard are service dogs although Cunard does allow dogs to travel on their Trans Atlantic cruises. I thought you might like to read more about this so here is a link to my friend Alistair’s blog. He is an Entertainment Director for Cunard and this blog entry tells you about a “dog’s life “onboard.
http://wearecunard.com/2010/02/it%e2%80%99s-a-dogs-life-on-the-north-atlantic/
I hope you enjoy it and I hope regardless that one day you will get to experience a cruise together.
Best wishes to you and your husband and woof to the dog
JohnBill Asked:
Hi John – please reply.I am going on a cruise on June 5 on the Dream. Is there a way that my daughter and her family can visit us on the ship before sailing? We are trying to talk them into taking one next year on the Freedom for my wife and mine 40th anniversary
John Says:
Hello BillI did check with the people onboard but there is still a strict no visitors policy I am afraid. I know Princess is doing a package for pre cruise visitors with lunch and I will remind the beards that this is very popular and maybe something we should consider. My apologies and I hope you have a wonderful time on your Carnival Dream.
Best wishes
JohnMary M. Asked:
Dear John (Please reply),My family (8 of us in all) is booked on the Carnival Legend in August. We just received word that the itinerary has been changed…Belize & Roatan have swapped days and our time in Roatan has also been adjusted.
It doesn’t really matter to me which day we are in which port…but I was just curious what prompted the switch? (Sorry if you have already mentioned this…I don’t always read all of the letters.)
I am most looking forward to our visit to Roatan (been there once on the Paradise years ago)…but sadly it is the shortest day of all four port stops. With the new Mahogany Bay I wish Carnival would decide to extend the hours that the Legend is in port there. Any explanation why the visit is so short (11:00 am to 6:00 pm)?
Thanks again for the time you spend on this blog to entertain us. One of the first things I do when I get home from work each day is sit down and see what you’ve got to say…and you never fail to make me smile!
Mary
John Says:
Hello Mary MWe did switch the days for Belize and Roatan on the Carnival Legend. This was done for operational reasons and allowed us to minimize the number of days where two ships are in the port on the same day. You will really like our new Mahogany Bay facility in Roatan and you will see a lot of changes have taken place since you were last there. The times the Carnival Legend arrives in port are all based on distance and speed. The ship has a four port itinerary and is at full speed for most of the voyage, hence the 11 am arrival. I hope you have a lot of fun and a great cruise and please write and tell me what you thought of Mahogany Bay.
Best wishes and thanks so much for the kind words
JohnSteve Asked:
Dear John (Please reply)Sir, I have been following you Bloggy Thingy for about 2 months now. I really don’t know how I found it probably from the hours that I spend every week looking at the next cruise we will take. I guess I have no life. That being said I do love it. I love it don’t give up the Bloggy Thingy… On to the more serious things. My future wife Beth (we will be married on May 1) are cruising on the FANTASY on May 03, to my wonderful surprise you will be on that ship as well. This will be her 3rd and my 2nd cruise and would not think of any other cruise line. My hats off to you. I am writing this for a few reasons. A) You and you PEOPLE (Carnival Cruise Lines) are the best. B) As in all things there are concerns. I first sailed with you exactly 1 year ago on May 3 on TRIUMPH it was the greatest experience of my life. Thanks to my loving wife to be we do it again. I have only one concern, as they say bigger is always better Fantasy is a much smaller ship than my previous trip. Guess I just want that warm fuzzy feeling. Hope bigger is not always better…. C) We sail to Calika don’t know if spelled right but who really cares lol. Really I do Beth and I had booked a deal at XEL-HA and I am concerned about transportation due to the fact that there were no excursions to it, Just want to be sure I get back. (DONT WANT TO MISS SUPPER). Hope you can give some info on Transportation (PLEASE)). D) IT is my honeymoon and want to do something special for my lady have tried to get a table for 2 for supper but don’t have a lot of confidence in my PVP. That being said He is a great guy (BRIAN VITOW) thanks Brian. But I need more ideas and you being the man that you are I think you can help (thanks John). Sorry for taking so much time of yours cause I know you are busy, hope we get to meet on the Fantasy. OHHHHHHHHHH 1 more thing on my cruise on the Triumph I had the greatest time doing the hairy chest contest (thanks to Natasha (I think that was her name It has been a year) The ACD SHE WAS THE BEST. My future wife wants me to do it again… Got medal last time shooting for ship on a stick (thanks Jorge). Does Fantasy do this contest? Please let Triumph they are the best. Thank you for your time John. Know this is short notice but I think you can handle it. Look forward to seeing you on the Fantasy.
Thanks,
SteveJohn Says:
Hello SteveI am honoured (spelt correctly) to welcome you to the blog thingy and I hope it continues to bring you a mixture of fun and information. It looks like I will be seeing you on May 3rd. I won’t be the CD but will be onboard so hopefully we can meet and I can wish you a Happy Honeymoon. In fact, please leave me a note at the Guest Services Desk with your names and cabin number would you please so I can send you a honeymoon gift.
I have not taken a trip to Xel Ha from Calica so I don’t know exactly how much a taxi will be but I will find out for you and tell you once onboard. I need to speak to the Shore Excursion Manager there to see what the best way for you to get there is. Please don’t worry about anything, we will look after you. I have emailed the Maitre D for a table for two for you and I know he will do his best to help you with your seating request.
Good luck with the Hairy Chest and I know that you will love the Carnival Fantasy and I know it will be a brilliant honeymoon for you both. Best wishes and see you soon and most importantly………have a wonderful wedding day.
John
retirementman Asked:
PLEASE REPLY JOHNHi John. It’s been awhile since I’ve commented on your blog. That was quite a kiss you gave the officer. Was his new bride upset? Ha,ha,ha.
As I said MaryLou & I will be on the Carnival Miracle next Jan. 22 for an 8 day cruise. Why not have your” Bloggers Cruise” then? Just an idea.
Since we will be at the ports of Aruba and Curacao would you please giving some special areas that I might be interested for an excursion?
I agree with Heidi. YOU NEED TO GET OFF THE DARN SHIP ONCE in awhile. Why not take that massage that was offered to you? Don’t worry about one little fart. You’re allowed one little fart.
The story that you gave us about that little girls that so ill and how Carnival treated her and later they called to see how she is the reason why I always choice Carnival for my cruises. I can TRUST Carnival and you my friend.
Rest, got off the ship once in awhile and think about the Carnival Miracle for your” Bloggers Cruise”. See you.
Paul F. Pietrangelo
John Says:
Hello Paul PietrangeloI just read this having decided to have the Bloggers Cruise on the Carnival Glory. I am disappointed that you both will be unable to join me but I know that you will both have a brilliant time on the Carnival Miracle.
Thanks for the kind words. I have not been off the ship at all since I joined the Carnival Conquest, except one time I think in Cozumel. I just don’t have the time what with the blog and my other duties…….plus I really don’t have anyone to do anything with. Anyway, I am sorry I didn’t choose the Carnival Miracle for the Bloggers Cruise and as always it is great to hear from you.
Best wishes to you both
JohnJerry Calvert Asked:
Pls reply:You people on the ships are so visible and responsive. The people in the office in Miami are without faces and able to pass the buck.
We (like us 30+ carn corp cruises in 9 yrs) need human beings to talk to as a last resort.
here’s an example:
Carnival legend 4/25/10.
New bookings able to get Dp3 (past Pass) rate for two people on 3 person cabins. Already booked, although we paid more can’t have these cabins. Customers who book thru travel agent have no one at CCl to appeal to. Even if you booked direct, no one who is willing to listen to reason to talk to.
You give us those surveys to fill out on each cruise. If Miami had these they’d get 2′s.
We need help!!
John Says:
Hello Jerry CalvertI am not sure I understand exactly what your concern is but I do understand that you seem very frustrated and that is not good. So, I have sent your posting to someone in our CARE Team who I will ask to have a careful look at your posting and see how we can help. I am glad that I can be “the face” and hopefully you will use me to try and help you when you need it.
Best wishes
Johnwil-da-beast Asked:
John …please reply..Sorry to bother you but need advice. Since you are on the Carnival Conquest and the Key West-Bahamas itinerary, what night would you suggest for the steak house reservation? I want to do something for my daughter and son-in-law. No need to bore you with the details, but want this to be a special cruise for them. They’re not going until July so that should be enough time for a reply. Appreciate your thoughts or any other suggestions for a cruise that will give them happy memories……Thanks ever so much for your time. My best to you and your family…… The beast….
John Says:
Hello wil -da-beastIf you remind me a few weeks before you sail I will be honoured to send your daughter a little gift. Looking at the itinerary I would suggest that they make a reservation at the Steakhouse on Thursday, the night before Freeport. This will be the perfect time to enjoy a very special meal there. You are never a bother and I remain here at your service.
Best wishes
JohnTheresa Asked:
My husband and I took a 5 day cruise out of Tampa, Florida last spring (2009) as an experiment cruise. We had a wonderful time and as a result we are booked to cruise to Alaska in August 2010. We would like to be booked at the 6 seating in the dining room. Presently, we are on a wait list. I have sent several messages via…computer, called several times, etc to have this changed as my husband needs to take medication with his evening meal (a few hours before he retires for the evening). This is not being “fixed” and I am worried it will ruin the cruising experience if we cannot be seated in the dining room. We prefer not to do the dining on your own time system if at all possible. Can you help?
John Says:
Hello TheresaI will send a request to the Maitre D on the Carnival Spirit to see if we can help you. I will need your last name and state room number please so if you can send this information I will do my best to assist you.
Best wishes
John
That’s all for today and I will be back with more on Monday.
I was a bit upset yesterday after the comments from Paul and Anne about my pornographic blog and the fact that I am so huge that this may be my last ever blog as I am apparently due a massive heart attack. Obviously, I have to be respectful to their opinions and I can’t really say what I want to say because……..well………..that wouldn’t be nice. I know I put myself in the firing line each and every time me and my underpants express a view here on the blog and God help me if I say something that someone else does not agree with.
You don’t have to be famous to be verbally lynched by the public any more. You just have to say or do something with which they don’t agree. Then you are accused of having a face that could curdle milk and a tendency for having romance with sheep……and there’s bugger all I can do about it.
Still, I have to understand that people are allowed opinions just like I am……I just wish that if they are going to say that I am a fat bastard who is about to die that they would sign their proper name rather hide behind screen names like “Chacoee” or “fancymeetingyouhere.” A funny screen name is fine if you are just asking a question or want to say hi. But if you are going to publicly castrate someone then have the guts to write your name…….not doing so is ….. well …….. just cowardly.
I see from the comments yesterday there are still some questions about the prohibited items and next week I promise once and for all I will post the exact list which is being discussed and confirmed in a meeting in Miami on Monday. I will be back with more on this then.
Let’s take a break and while I get a cup of tea I will leave you to look at these amazing photos of the Carnival Elation and her last time in Catalina.
Radu…………..you are a genius mate, thanks for sharing those gorgeous photos with us.
And now it is time for another installment from our 348th best comedian Mr. Al Er…….. oh hold on……….I just remembered that we hired a one legged mime act called Jake the Peg ……. so it is time for another installment from our 349th best comedian Mr. Al Ernst and his Aliver’s travels.
‘Be so good that they cannot ignore you…’ As I was on the plane back from LA, I began to listen to Steve Martin’s book Born Standing Up. After listening to this, I would say to anyone who has an interest in entertainment to get this book.
Although we each have a unique story, it really gives the reader great insight as to how people that are truly dedicated to a craft. It inspired me to find more interviews of Steve Martin as a real person, not the ‘character’ you see on stage.
That quote…’Be so good that they cannot ignore you…’ Now comes to my mind all the time. Simple, obvious, and not earth shattering…just the truth!
I find in this world of blogs, Twitter, YouTube, and text, that we spend more time in trying to get attention, rather than doing our passions. As much as I enjoy being a communicator of funny…It needs to ‘be’ funny. It extends to all that a person does in their life. The expectation of instant feedback sometimes is in total conflict with learning in the present.
One of the challenges of a comedian is new material. It is also one of the biggest expectations of audience members. There is a reason the ‘bigger’ stars have writers to help them with the product on stage. To be really good at the comedy craft, the development of new material separates the comics who will be good…to the ones that will really excel. I know I really wanted to get to that next level.
As I travel from the Pride to Harrisburg, Penn., for a charity show, I decided that I would stay off the phone, iPod, and computer to really take in the sights and sounds of a giant cruise ship, a ground trip to the airport and finally the flight to Harrisburg. That was the best decision I ever made, as I didn’t even have to think…just absorb…Maybe some of that new material WILL begin to appear…
As we signed off the ship at Port Canaveral, my first ‘funny’ was there for the taking… the US Customs Officer who was on the X-ray machine for our luggage said to me…”That’s a lot of electronics for a comedian”…of which I replied…”I did not know about the ‘comedy electronic law’… was that something I missed in the Patriot Act?”
So everyone in the room laughed, but the Officer…Of course, I was on a roll…so I said “I don’t want to be one iPod over the limit” I moved on, quickly, and quietly, as I did not want to be detained for further inspection…
The trip to the airport, the taxi driver was Russian, who spoke in some type of English –Russian or “Russish” the entire trip. Of which I became a bobble head, just moving my head like I agreed with everything. I thought I may have agreed to join the KGB.
At the airport gate with a huge sign that read Delta 720, DETROIT, 12:30, I witnessed at least five people in 13 minutes ask the agent if this was the 12:30 flight to Detroit…who smiled and said yes each time.
Now had I been the agent, by the fourth person, I probably would have said…”NO, this flight is going to Miami, but we put the up the sign that says Detroit, because that is where your luggage is going.”
There is funny everywhere…you just have to get off your cell phone to see it.
‘Be so good that they cannot ignore you’…Might be rewritten… ‘If you pay attention to the now, you may have a great future’
Until next time, your buddy Al…will continue to travel, and if I don’t answer my cell phone, it may be because I violated the “Comic Electronics Act”…or I am just finding another story to tell.
Thanks Al. If you see his name in the Fun Times please make sure you go. He has a natural charm about him and coupled with the fact that he is brilliantly funny you will not want to miss his show. Please don’t use flash photography due to his show because it effects his medication.
So, here as promised is the new Cruise Director schedule. It is pretty much set and apart from the unexpected happening this is who will be your CD for your next cruise. I must say a huge thank you to Chris Prideaux our Director of Entertainment for allowing me to post this. As far as I know we are the only cruise line who is making this public. There are certainly some great cruise directors in the industry. Alistair Greening and Ray Rouse at Cunard, Roberto Ferrari at Costa and someone I am always hearing about, Lisa Ball at Princess. Then there is my old friend Graham Seymour once of Carnival and who is very funny but now unfortunately works on the Something of the Seas. I also hear that on the other Something of the Seas there is a chap called Richard Spacey who is also superb.
But, I think the best collection of Cruise Directors are the ones about to appear on this May – December schedule. They are all dedicated to giving you the best cruise vacation ever and are the fun providers that will truly make a difference. My thanks to them all and I am proud to be part of their team.
Here is the schedule which I will ask one of the 343 Stephanies to place as a permanent link thingy where the old schedule was.
Well, it’s noon and I am still sitting here in my underpants (which scared the hell out of Putu my cabin steward when he walked in a few minutes ago) writing to you. The ship is in Cozumel and I know I should be ashore having fun and eating Mexican food but ………well…….same old story really……..just hate eating alone. I also have to think about packing again. I feel a bit tired today, that’s probably because I spent 1 hour and ten minutes early this morning along with the Hotel Director listening to Mr. Celebrity tell us that in his expert opinion the food, the service, the passengers, the ship, the air, the pillows, the toilet paper, the entertainment etc, etc are all better on Celebrity.
He demanded this meeting and we obliged him and I have to be honest that in the hour and ten minutes we were with him in the Hotel Director’s office he talked for an hour of the time. And he talked in a flat, monotone voice only stopping to look down at the note pad he with the list of what was wrong with the Carnival product and how it compared to Brand X.
What was so extraordinary was that next to each item he had listed a dollar figure of the amount of compensation he felt he deserved which totaled…….shockingly……..roughly the same amount he had paid for his cruise.
My favourite bit was when reminding me how fantastic the Cruise Director was on the Celebrity ship and reminding me that I was crap, he looked at me and said “I am sure you are grateful to me for telling you how you can improve.”
“Yes I am,” I said bowing slightly…….grateful in the same way that a turkey is likely to give you a high five on Christmas Eve.
Anyway, he left with an apology from us that he did not have a good time but his pockets were as empty as when he arrived for the meeting. We had not charged him for the Steakhouse meal that he said was so bad and the small black hair he found on his pillow did not warrant a full refund……..he showed us the hair by the way……………still taped to a bit of paper.
I just do not understand why if Celebrity is the best cruise line ever why he cruised with us ………. oh hold on………….yes I do……..it’s because of the affordable price and the brilliant value for money. Oh and one tip, Mr. Celebrity………X my arse.
So on Sunday off I fly to Mobile, Alabama. I have a 5-day boring handover staying in who knows what cabin, trying to find somewhere to write my blog. I am though very much looking forward to being back as cruise director on what is now the oldest ship in the fleet. I have so many memories of the ship from the first time that I arrived to see her in Miami as a social host. I remember the Cruise Director Gary Hunter and I driving into the port both breathless and the sheer size of this massive vessel. I remember my first week as cruise director onboard her in 1992 when during the captain’s introductions I forgot his name and stood there like a total idiot until the chief purser shouted me his name…………..Captain Francolla has never forgiven me. Neither has the chief engineer I worked back with all those years ago on the then Fantasy.
It was another time at the Captain’s Party and after shaking hands with the guests I walked over to the corner of the main theatre where all the senior officers were gathered for the introductions on stage. I noticed an older lady standing next to the chief engineer, so trying to be polite I asked “Is your mother enjoying the cruise?”……he looked at me ………and said “This is my wife.”
Bugger.
We have had a somewhat frosty relationship ever since.
So, that’s that then. After looking forward to coming to the Carnival Conquest for so long, suddenly, it’s all over. This is a great ship and I have been so massively impressed with her crew. However, just as impressive are the people that sail on her. They are all fiercely loyal to ships that sail out of Galveston and fiercely loyal to Carnival as they past guest count has shown each and every week.
As I mentioned in a past blog thingy though, unlike other home ports I have sailed out of the vast majority of those repeat guests have sailed time and time again out of Galveston on either Carnival Ecstasy or Carnival Conquest. That’s why I hope that Carnival continues to invest in this market. The guests love the Carnival product and …….I say this respectfully ……. more than some other markets, they just simply want to have a fun. This makes for a very special and easygoing atmosphere around the ship. Again……….respectfully……….I have to say that people on this ship talk to each more. In elevators, on lido and around the ship it seems that they never want anyone to meet a stranger.
I would recommend that everyone sail on a Carnival ship out of Galveston, it truly is a unique atmosphere and quite probably the most fun group of people I have entertained in my 22 years onboard.
Thanks then to the captain, officers, staff and crew of the great ship Carnival Conquest and a big thank you to the guests………………y’all have been brilliant.
See you onboard the Carnival Fantasy.
Goodnight
Your friend
John
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
ATTENTION BLOGGERS GOING ON BC4
On my blog I have a easy to follow “Roll Call” for those going on BC4. Just add your full name and cabin number to a comment and I will add you to the roll call.
http://ekonefe.wordpress.com/bc4-roll-call/
BIG ED
WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO…. Mom & Dad, aka Naomi & Marty aka Grandma & Poppy are going to be so happy to once again be cruising w/Malcolm on the October 18 Miracle… Thnx for the updated list….
John:
I wish there was some way Mr Celebrity would get this message from us….
“Mr. Celebrity….KISS THE X” (you have 3 guesses where the X is and the first two don’t count)
Linda
Linda, John should give Mr. X a copy of the blog for the last 3 days including the comments.
BIG ED
EXCELLENT IDEA!!!!
Dear John,
I am going to send you a T-Shirt that I saw in Las Vegas on our last trip. The next time you have to talk to a Mr. Celebrity you can wear it. It said in bold letters. “IF I WANTED TO LISTEN TO AN A****** I’D FART.”
I don’t know how you do it my friend. I would have to file a missing at sea report if it was me. You are the best.
The Cruzin2some
James & Nancy Enslow
John, I still think you should debark that guy since he hates it so much. Please Please Please tell me you did not give Mr. X there his money back. He should be charged for all the crap you had to put up with. I think you should try Queen there on rock band.
Big Fans As Allways,
Frank and Bridie
John:
Thank you for the CD schedule for the rest of the year.
And THANKS to Chris Prideaux who does such a wonderful job.
I was thrilled to see that Kevin Noonan will be the CD for our B2B on the Triumph in October. This will be cruise number ???? (I have lost count) with him.
We will also get to experience two new CDs. ( Brent Loyer and Felipe Couto on the Destiny and Elation in August and December). And we will be sailing with Todd on the Liberty in November.
And of course….we will be sailing with you in 8 DAYS!!!
Safe Travels….see you SOON…
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
I have sailed with Felipe Couto and he is a bundle of energy, very nice, and a great Cruise Director.
Good afternoon John. It has been forever since I have been here. My computer crashed just before we left Texas to come back home from staying there for the winter. I also tried to put my picture here but I had to change my name. So, now Peg Dunbar in now peggy222. Now lets see if my picture does indeed come up.
When we sailed with you on the Carnival Splendor in 2008, I always loved our sea days as I knew you would have the Morning Show. Nobody can make me laugh and smile like you do.
Mr. Celebrity, I am sure he posts on CC, another reason I do not go there any more. You are so good to bend over backward to please everyone. There are some people that you can never please no matter what you do. I agree with you, if he is so dedicated to Celebrity, why would he cruise with Carnival. I will admit we were thisclose to going with Celebrity as they were going to Europe this year. But we were very wise and held off until you announced that Carnival was indeed going back to Europe on the new ships Carnival Magic in 2011.
So happy that I am back here to read your blog once again.
Keep smiling John; you truly are one of the good guys.
My best to Heidi and Kye.
Hi John ~
It really is unfortunate that you had to indulge Mr. Celebrity. I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of miserable life you have when you spend your whole vacation finding things wrong with it.
Try not to let those negative comments get you down. It’s very easy for people to hide behind a computer screen and throw stones. And some people just like to create controversy.
After a not so fun attempt to get back to Arizona this week, we made it back from our Carnival Victory sailing. I will be posting an additional comment with details but would just like to say Karl was awesome!! He is now my second favorite cruise director behind you. And I’m not saying that to kiss up….or get a table for 2, free cruise, upgrade, ship on a stick, etc.
Cheers~
Colleen
Thank you John for posting the new CD schedule! It’s so nice to be able to know who to expect as my cruise entertainment. I hope Ralph puts on a great deck party!
John,
Thank you for the new CD schedule. My Sweetie and I will be sailing on Carnival Dream for our 5th anniversary Nov 5th. As I started scanning the list (from left to right as I was taught in grammar school), I was excited to see Butch’s name pop up on the schedule. We sailed with Butch on Carnival Liberty this past February and enjoyed him no end. Then I reached the point where he leaves before we board and doesn’t return until after we’ve sailed. Bugger! Oh well, I’m certain Josh will do a bang up job. We will be seeing you aboard Carnival Magic next May (unless we can find the funds to join you on the BC). Take care and watch that glucose. I am officially no longer diabetic after following the low-card lifestyle for the past 8 months; my A1C went down from 5.6 to 4.8.
Sincerely,
Barry (The Cruise Dork)
PS I would still love to have you as a guest on my podcast if you would be willing.
Hey John,
Just like the airlines have a “NO FLY ” list of characters that are not allowed to fly……………….I think CARNIVAL should have a “NO SAIL” list and Mr. X and all of the other people with WAY too much time on their hands and pissy attitudes should be the POSTER CHILDREN!
I’ll gladly take the job of addressing these people if you want. Just give me a cabin and free room and board and then just send them to me for their attitude adjustment. You could set me up in the spa area with a nice quiet room and I’ll fill them in on how to act while on a cruise and let them know that NONE of care about their petty complaints.
Carnival will be exempt from any problems because I will just be another passenger telling them to straighten up or it’s overboard you go. Problem solved!
What do you think fellow Blogger?
It’s time these people got the message. If you pull these stunts on an airline or in a hotel…………the authorities will be called and you will spend several hours being detained. WHY does the cruise industry put up with this behaviour ?It is beyond my scope of thinking.
There……………….I’ve done enough preaching for today.
I would welcome comments. Thanks to all of you out there who enjoy cruising as much as I do and here’s to calm seas and tropical breezes for you all.
Have a great weekend everyone.
All the best,
From…………………Mr. Canada! Jan 30th sailing of the CARNIVAL DREAM
B&D from Canada
Note to Stepanie- If John has time he can reply ….if not don’t worry.
Thank you, John, for your time on the Conquest. I know very well that many, many folks have loved having you on one of our Texas ships and can’t wait to have you back.
Regarding this: However, just as impressive are the people that sail on her. They are all fiercely loyal to ships that sail out of Galveston and fiercely loyal to Carnival as they past guest count has shown each and every week.
From your blog to Carnival’s ears. Yes, Texans are fiercely loyal and appreciate the fact that Carnival didn’t cut and run. Bring in a third ship… a fourth ship and all will sail full. Texans are Fun Ship folks!!!
All the best to Heidi, Kye and the wonderful staff and crew of the Carnival Conquest!!!
Ciao!!
Host Mach
John, it’s too bad that when Mr. Celebrity praised the X CD, you couldn’t have agreed, saying ‘Yes, he is good…I trained him…’
Seriously, I would bet that he doesn’t find everything perfect on X, and has a record of complaining for cash. Perhaps he has even unfriended by X and now has to cruise Carnival. I hope that his name is flagged so that should he sail Carnival again, the CD can be forewarned.
Carolyn
Hi John-
First, thank you for your recent reply to my post about sailing with Princess up in Alaska. I feel good that if we do sail on a Princess ship, we’ll have not “cheated” on Carnival (Corp.)!
Re Mr. Celebrity….I guarantee you that he was doing the same thing on the Horizon, Amazon, or whatever else they name their ships, in the Hotel Director’s office with the CD, complaining that his Celebrity cruise was crap and how much superior Carnival is in all respects. 2 words sum up this loser; SCAM ARTIST.
Carninval should NOT have even paid his Steakhouse tab. Just tell that loser to bugger off to Brand X and not to let the door hit him in the arse on the way out…
As you depart the Carnival Conquest, I felt “proud” of your words about the loyal passengers that sail the Carnival Conquest & Carnival Ecstasy out of Glaveston. Again, no disrespect toother markets, but Texans do know how to have fun and the word “Texas” itself means friend….Texans are some of the friendliest people. So, it’s easy to see why Galveston is such a good fit for Carnival. Hopefully, Carnival will reward Galveston with some new itineraries (e.g. a true Eastern Caribbean cruise, not the current Bahamas cruise that Carnival is calling an Eastern Caribbean cruise.) .
Best wishes John and have a great time on the Carnival Fantasy! We’ll be on her sister, the Carnival Ecstasy in July!!
Marty & Jeanne
one time some years back we were waiting in line to board a costa ship and the guy in front of us kept on and on about everything being so awful, the food, the ship, the shows, everything. i asked him if he had cruised this ship before and he said no, he heard it. i asked him why he chose this ship, the price, then i asked him what he paid, 1599.00 each for insides (!) and i had the BEST time ever telling him we had a balcony for half that! he about swallow his tongue. i don’t usually do anything like that but this guy was awful. i think he must be mr. X on your ship.
see you on the BC4!
smiles, bonnie and prince charlie
Dear John,
First of all, I really hope that your starting time on the Carnival Fantasy doesn’t get interrupted by that big, oil spill coming your way *eek*!!
Secondly, thanks for posting those pictures of the Carnival Elation in Catalina. Really enjoyed my last cruise on the Elation and had the best wait staff EVER!! My mom and I still talk about Ivan and David. Wish they weren’t going so far away *sniff* Also, I will be leaving in 10 short days on the Carnival Paradise and our first stop is Catalina Island so it was nice to see some pretty recent pictures.
Thirdly, can’t wait till you are here on the West Coast and I get to read your blogs from the Carnival Splendor
Laura
John, do not let that moron speak for all Cruise Critic people. I read the blog cuz your are funny and it is interesting. I don ‘t leave nice comments to get something, no, if I wanted it I would ask that you do me a favour and say a hearty thank you when you do me the favour!
I had planned on going on the Splendor in March 2011, but knowing there will be a bloggers cruise that has a date I can work with, well, needless to say I am going to be making a call to the PVP’s this weekend and booking!! I do want to meet you, and so what thatr if you don’t look like my hot Lithuanian maitre’d, you’re awesome!!!!! Hedi is lucky!!!
John,
Please do not worry another moment about that pompous X.
Thanks so much for the kind words about folks that cruise from Galveston. As we live in Arkansas, this is the easiest port for us. However due to my love of you being a celebrity, I have been forced to cruise the Carnival Dream with you and hopefully the bloggers cruise on the Carnival Glory. You do realize that this makes us suffer the horrors of flying? It’s okay, you are totally worth it. Keep smiling and being the best.
Hugs,
Bobbi
John,
I am glad you sailed on the Carnival Conquest. I have salied on her 4 times and I loved it. I do wish Carnival would add another ship to Galveston as it is a great market. There is always wishing the Magic will come to Galveston.
JOHN
I KNOW WHY Mr. Celebrity LIKES BRAND X HE COMPLAINS SO MUCH TO THEM THEY GIVE HIM WHAT EVER HE WANTS TO SHUT HIM UP SO HE EXPECTS ALL OTHER CRUISES HE IS ON TO DO THE SAME SO ALL HE DOES IS COMPLAIN WHERE EVER HE SAILS TO GET AS MUCH FREE STUFF OR MONEY BACKAS HE CAN. GOOD FOR YOU IN TELLING HIM WHERE TO GO. YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD A CODE OSCAR DRILL AND USE Mr. Celebrity AS THE DUMMY
please reply
hi john i dont like rock band also. but i never played it lol. what is kyle post like? he will be cd on the liberty when im on their. i have a question when it gets close to my sail date can i ask u a favor if u could get us a booth again in the dinningroom? and sence everyone can see what we post now do i still give u my cabin number? and i was hoping for the dinning room in the back again.have a good weekend
John, I wonder if you could do me a favor, well not just me, but all of the blogger’s who will be on the BC4. Would you please do everything in your power to get Al on the Glo…..ooooooops Carnival Glory with us next Feb? The 2 of you make the best comedy team there is.
Carolyn
John, please be a dear and pass this on….
Dear chacoee
get – a – life.
Of course people are saying nice things to John buttering him up before asking him for something. That is because we were brought up to be POLITE. If it makes you sick there are two little arrows on the right side of the page that will gladly help you skip over the letters portion.
Part of John’s job is helping people who need help. He is the public image that we see and who we can talk to at Carnival, so we will. From what I have seen he has never had an issue with anything a guest has asked, and is always more than happy to help people celebrate or get that desired seating.
So go be sick somewhere else, the rest of us like seeing the good samaritan part of John.
Hi John: Please explain to me what a blogger’s cruise is. Is it only for people who Have blogs or is it for those of us who READ your blog? If it is for the latter, how do we find out more information on booking it? Thank you very much. We will be on the Freedom 8-day cruise Dec 4 – 12. I’m so looking forward to it.
John- Please Reply
Hi John!
This is my first time posting, sorry I have taken so long, but I love your blog! Just as I love Carnival.
I know it is long over due but I wanted to give my review of my cruise last year. We were on the Carnival Conquest last September and it was the best ever! Everyone on the staff was wonderful, they truly made the cruise. I will start with our room steward, Edwin. Not only did he remember our names from day one, but he also made our days, by leaving notes on the marker boards we had on our doors.
Next there was our waitress Christina and her asst Daniel. No matter how busy our day at been, we always went to dinner to see them. Christina would always bring us new things to try when we were too chicken to order them.
We also had a wonderful entertainment staff. Our cruise director was Kyle Post, who was so friendly anytime we saw him around the ship. He even set a meeting for my husband to talk to one of the “bearded ones” about all the computer stuff they have going on the ships. Kyle’s staff were all awesome as well. Marcello, Katie/Annie, and Jacob. You could tell they all loved their jobs. My mom had wrote a letter to the morning show for my birthday , and they called my room live on the show! Later in the day Marcello made sure to give me my birthday hug. My mom found Katie again when they cruised with you on the Carnival Dream this past February. I must confess, I am jealous of my mom and step dad for getting to meet you. She said meeting you was right up there with meeting the Dobbie Brothers, which trust me, is a big deal to her! One last person I must mention, is one of the dancers Beau. He was very friendly as well, and a awesome dancer. The crew of the Carnival Conquest truly made our cruise the best it could be! We loved it so much that we are doing it again in October!!
Which leads me to my questions?
First, do you happen to know if any of these wonderful crew members will be there October 10, 2010 for us to meet up with again?
And Second, can you tell me a little about Danny Ghilarducci? I see he will be our CD then, but haven’t heard anything about him.
We can’t wait to get back on a carnival cruise!! This will be mine and my husband’s third cruise with Carnival and my mom’s (Bobbi & James) seventh. I don’t see any other cruise lines in my future, as I love Carnival too much. I’m sure my friends and co-workers are probably tried of hearing me talk about it, but I can’t help it. I am like a walking commercial!
Ok, sorry for talking your ear off, hopefully I will get the honor of cruising with you some day soon.
Best wishes to you, Heidi, and beautiful Kye.
Bethany
Dear John aka Billy No Mates:
I know Heidi keeps bugging you to get off the ship from time to time and has been, for the most part, rather unsuccessful. Why??? I know that your job is a very busy one with many responsibilities but all too often I see the excuse that you just don’t want to do anything alone.
John, If I can get on a ship for only a week and find someone, usually an employee, to enjoy lunch or an excursion with ashore then you certainly can!!!
Do you invite anyone to go with you or are you waiting for them to invite you?
No more excuses, mate. Get out and enjoy the beautiful ports that you are so lucky to be able to visit.!!
BELC
Maribeth Kring
Dear John
Tell Mr. Celebrity to just go back to the X. We love Carnival for what it offers and this is value for money. There is always going to be something that goes wrong on a vacation, both land and sea and there is bugger all you can do about it. At least on Carnival these things are laughed about and one can move on.
To say that you need improvement that’s hogwash (bollocks). We love you the way you are. You are honest (don’t mince words), you’re funny (taking the mickey out of yourself or others) and you’re great to be around. You make our vacation what it should be. So for the few out there who are just ignorant of what fun should be all about that’s their loss. Don’t you even think anything more about what they write or say to you.
Yes words can hurt but ultimately John you basically tell yourself that a handful of people out there versus the 6 million plus of us who adore you which part of the scales do you think is right! So get out of the doom gloom and put back the big smile and as the saying goes “go on with the show” and make us laugh.
Take care John and thankfully Mr. X will have left the ship by now.
Eva
Hey John,
I have been reading your blog thingy for a long time, but this is my first time posting. I just wanted to tell you how good you are and I think you have an absolutely beautiful family and I want nothing from you in return. My husband and I love to cruise Carnival and hope that someday we will be fortunate enough to actually be on a ship with you as the CD. Keep on doing what you have been doing and know that the majority of us appreciate it and love you for it! God Bless
Hi John
John, my username on Cruise Critic is Chacooe. I want to let you know that I DID NOT SEND YOU THAT MESSAGE and I do not know who did, but I am furious over it. Someone on Cruise Critic asked me if I was Kathy M. on your blog and I replied “yes” which I see now was a big mistake since this is the results of being honest.. So please in the future, DO NOT REPLY TO ANY messages with the name of Chacooe or Chacoee, because they did not come from me.
I know that you and I have has some misunderstandings in the past (all of them on my part not yours), but as you know when I was wrong about something I apologized to you about it, but to send you a message like this one, I could or rather would not send you a message like that. You are such a caring and loving person to all and when I read that message I just cried that someone would stoop so low as to use my username to send you such a nasty note. If you still have the email, check the return email address and you will find it is not mine.
Please give my love to Heidi and Kye,
From your Number 1 Bloggy Thinggy Fan,
Kathy M..
Kathy M:
Sadly you are not the first one this has happened to.
Someone posted a comment using my “name” a year ago.
Since it was in the “comment” section, Stephanie was able to remove it.
I guess this is the price we pay for enjoying this blog and having to deal with idiotic morons who have to much time on their hands and not enough class to know what to do with it.
Sorry it happened to you.
Linda (Mom of DJ)
John, I wish that we had known that you wouldn’t get off the ship in Galveston because you had no transportation and no one to do it with. We would have loved to pick you up and show you some of our Texas.
Perhaps you owe the Ecstasy a return visit? We will be on the Ecstasy on May 15 to celebrate my birthday. I chose that so I could try to see how the balconies were added! I wish you would be there then.
I am horrified by the people who tell you how fat you are. IF it’s their business. I can tell by the pics that you post that you have lost a bunch of weight. But I don’t think that you have acquired new jackets. Replace the double breasted one with a blazer and look 10 pounds skinnier! As if that is my business…
Your job requires you to put yourself in front of the world daily and some people aren’t very nice and it hurts. And I’m sorry. More of us are nice and think you are fantastic and appreciate what you do.
elizabeth
We are very excited to be taking our two sons, ages 8 and 16 on the Mexican Riv. cruise on Nov 21, 2010
I hear you will be our CD, that is wonderful.
Do you happen to know my sister, Stephanie Argentine? She works on some of the cruises through Carnival.
Hope to meet you in person very soon.
I appreciate Host Mach’s kindness and the speed with which he answers stupid or repititious questions.
Please Reply:
My wife and I just booked our 4th Carnival Cruise on the Carnival Valor (62SJ24) for 8/29/2010 and needless to say we can hardly wait to get back on a Carnival ship. We had heard so many good things about Princess that we did our last cruise on the Crown Princess on 4/3/2010. Although it is a beautiful ship with great service we just missed the “Carnival Fun”. My question is: We have never been to Belize and we are having a hard time finding a beach to spend the day. We are looking for something such as Magens Bay on St. Thomas and was wondering if you can recommend anything. Thanks in advance for your help. Love your Blog thingy….read it every day.
John
My family enjoyed sailing with you on the 11th. This was our 3rd cruise, second with CCL. All I can say is WOW! The food was the best ever. The ship, crew, entertainment, longview and you were fantastic. Mr. X is just one of those people that are looking for something for free. Speaking of that, thanks for the gifts you sent to the room. I had been talking about the ship on a stick all cruise and it was greatly appreciated.
Thanks
James
Dear John (Please reply)
I am SO bummed! We just booked our cruise in March out of LA and then you have to go and tempt me with the fact that you’ll be sailing out of the same port on a different ship during the same time that we’ll be sailing. I checked to see if we’d be able to switch our cruise but we’d have to come up with the deposits first and then the $$ would be switched over and at $250 a pop for 8 of us we just don’t think we’ll be able to swing it.
So I wanted to see if you would be interested in meeting up for lunch or something at the Los Angeles pier (or Long Beach for CCL) on Ocotober 17th? Our cruise departs the 18th and we’re driving down so we’ll be coming in the day before. It will be the embarkation day of a new cruise for you which I imagine must be all kinds of busy but if you want to get off the ship that day you surely don’t have to eat alone… on the contrary there’d be 8 of us to distract you! If not I totally understand and I’ll just have to start saving up for the Blogger’s Cruise or wherever you’ll be next fall. Anyhow, just let me know yay or nay and maybe I’ll be able to at least send you something.
Oh and those comments about you being ‘a heart attack away’ and your ‘pornographic’ humour (spelt correctly)… You have to let those ones roll of your enormous shoulders as your mind is far to busy being in the gutter to really appreciate where these wonderful people are coming from. Seriously though these people (including the person who brought that ‘heart attack’ comment to your attention; did you notice how they signed off on the posting?) fall into the same category as Mr. Celebrity; they believe that their opinions are worth more than gold and that everyone is going to see the ‘wisdom’ or ‘truth’ in their opinions.
Just remember that the people you read your blog because of who you are as a person, and not ‘what-can-I-get-outta-Senior Cruise Director John Heald’ or because they can use you as a punching bag for their own frustrations in life or the cruising world, we bloggers (even one’s from sister companies!) back you 110% (haha I swear I don’t have a beard!). Oh and don’t beat yourself up too much about missing Kye’s birthday. I’m sure someone is going to comment and it’ll get you down but this blog will be something that Kye can read later on in life and see that her Daddy was always thinking of her and I’m sure she will be proud of her father and all the good he did and the lives he has touched. Much love to you and you’re family.
Kerensa
I am married to a 3X guy and was absolutely furious at
what that Chacoee said about you on a public forum.
Did not his Mother ever tell him if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all. And him
telling you about people only saying nice things about you and your family to get stuff like you were
just born yesterday, not to mention it is not coming out of his pocket so why does he care???? Keep up the good work John – we all know opinions are like aholes – everyones got one
John.
You have just experianced what it is to be from the south.
we speak to everyone and say yes sir and yes mam.
I have never met someone who i can’t call a friend.
We are easy going , hard working , Fun Loving , Hard partying folks.
we don’t let hard times get us down . We just consider it part of our cajun way of life .
If you ever get down to New Orleans For a cruise , Bring hide and kye and we will cook ya some great cajun food and show y’all how we ( pass a good time)
Your Mate from the states . Crazy Cajun (Bob)
Good day John,
I sat down to read your blog today and I remembered something from my last Carnival cruise that I have been curious about. I noticed during the safety drill we went to our designated muster stations without our life jackets. The crew did a very quick demonstration (I know normal people can figure it out) and then we went to the life boats and it was over. As we looked over to the Disney cruise ship they too were doing their drill and all the passengers were lined up outside in a sea of orange life vests. Why doesn’t Carnival do more of a safety demonstration? Also we’re traveling May 16 on the Glory and have heard it is possible to have a table for 2 for the dining room and wondered how does one go about requesting that throughout the cruise?
Have a great day!
DEAR JOHN,
I was just on the Conquest and loved all of your shows i had attempted to write you a dear john letter but of course my husband walked right up on my while i was at the customer service counter. We’d just got married on Aprila 24th the day before boarding the ship. i just wanted to let him know how much i love him. but anyway i wanted to let you know you was really the highlight of the ship.. you kept us laughing. great job with the morning show. BTW
John -
Perhaps you can settle a debate the Missus and I are having, regarding the correct pronunciation (pronounciation, spelled incorrectly) of your name. We both love your blog thingy and love your sense of humour, stick-up-his-X Paul notwithstanding. Should we ever meet, we’d like to be able to say your name courrectly.
It’s not the “John” part we struggle with, of course, as we’re both familiar with the silent H in the same way that you clearly don’t see or pronounce the letter U (colour, honour, hour – oh, we spell that last one the same way). No, what we’re wondering is if the correct pronunciation of Heald is heeled/healed or held.
Or, I suppose, some exotic variation in the nature of St. John being spoken as Sinjin.
Just wondering is all. Just so you know, the loser has to mop the “flour.”
He answered this some time ago but I could not find the posting but I am pretty sure it is:
Name: Heald
Phonetic Pronunciation: HEELD
Don’t get me wrong, I think the future cruise credit (certificate) program is great to have,
But, since you are basically copying the Princess program, why not just copy it all the way to make it easy on us the customers?
Now I have to keep track of 2 separate programs.
Just off the Carnival Legend, I did buy one.
Interdivisional pride and competition should not confuse the customers!!!
John, Thank you for your gestures during our cruise this past week on the Splendor. It was great! Suzanne I believe had a great cruise with friends all around. We are planning another group cruise on the Magic out of Barcelona August 2011. Will you be on the ship?
Be well, Jim
We’ve always taken a small power strip with us in the past. The one accessible outlet in the cabin is just not enough. Add more outlets and I’ll be happy not to have to pack it!
John,
I am glad to see you enjoyed your time sailing out of Galveston. I took my first ever cruise and was lucky enough to have you as our CD 4/18-25/10. It was s fabulous time and I will be on many more carnival cruises.
I am writing to say, I noticed at the end of your blog you said, “y’all”. As a Texan, that is how we know if we made an impression… You enter making fun of… Or questioning the “y’all”…. But leave saying y’all. ha ha.
I am so glad you enjoyed your time with the texans and want you to know you are welcome back ANY time. Y’all put on a heck of a cruise, thanks fir making it so much fun!!
Lisa Ball – was possibly the worst CD we have had on any cruise. We were on a XMASS cruise where the entertainment she booked was SO OLD and (dare I say) British in sensibilities that we just did not get it. The XMASS eve show was a classical pianist – but billed as a holiday spectacular. The holiday part was the first song, then the pianist did her Liberace impression for an hour.
Another entertainer was so bad that people either slept or walked out…he sang, danced, and told joke that are older than your underwear….and mine!
On XMASS day they had a holiday event in the atrium – and Lisa was shocked at how many kids were there….the CD should know that on a holiday cruise that there will be a ton of kids, and adapt to that….nope – not her.
I know that everyone has an opinion, and this is just mine – but Lisa is not a good example.
Dear John
We have been unable to book a cunard cruise for the family because of the limitation on the number of life jackets for minors, even though the cabin is available.
Is there a way around this?
We need to go transatlantic in the end of july, early August and could only find a cunard out of UK
What do you think?