On yesterday’s blog a chap asked me how much I got paid. Obviously I didn’t answer him but I can tell him and you that my salary is paid straight into my bank account back home. This means that I have very little cash on me at most times because I have no friends and don’t go off the ship hardly at all. I tip my stateroom steward plus there are tips for the waiter that brings my meals to the cabin and a big tip for Mr. Patu who washes my underpants. But apart from that I have no need for cash.
Bearing this in mind let me tell you that as I sit here in mostly a clean pair of underpants and type these words I do so pissed off………….totally and utterly pissed off.
This is but because I neglected to tell Barclays sodding Bank that I was going to want to use my debit card in a Mexican Wal-Mart and it has punished me by putting a security block on my card. It’s like being a child again. I went out to play without asking permission and subsequently I’ve been grounded. Sorry Mum. Sorry Dad.
I was trying to buy Kye some toys but because of Barclays bank all she will have to play with is one of my old socks and a14kt gold solid plastic ship on a stick.
It’s hard enough shopping at a Mexican Wal-Mart as it is. Obviously they speak little English although saying that they speak more English than the people who work at the Wal-Mart near Carnival HQ in Miami. So you already have the language barrier so imagine how bloody embarrassing it is when a shop assistant hands your card back, smiles weakly and says “no possibla.”
I said “uno mas tryo por favor” and she reluctantly did so while a line built up behind me.
My card was rejected again, this time in front of an impatient crowd one of whom was armed with a nasty looking chorizo sausage. I tried to save some of my dignity by saying something about “calling my bank to bollock them” and as I said this I whipped out my Raspberry as if to call Barclays Bank. I don’t think any of them bought this though and just thought “el fato gringo is brokeo.”
Now if I had been organized I could have called Barclays there and then but I didn’t have the number in my raspberry and I doubted that dialing 192 in P.V was going to get me the number for Barclays Bank Southend on Sea. Back on the ship I’m told by my local bank whose call center as I have mentioned before is in Bombay tell me I won’t be able to withdraw any money until tomorrow, because it’s night-time in England and the Barclays security team have all buggered off home. Still, it’s thoughtful of them to employ someone to sit at the end of the phone 24 hours a day just to tell me I am totally screwed.
Since I have only $14 on me I know that by the time that Barclays unblock my card we will have sailed from PV and that even though I will be able to get cash out of the ATM machine on the ship, Mazatlan and Cabo don’t have a Wal-Mart and the only thing I will be able to buy Kye is a pair of maracas, a over sized sombrero and a bottle of tequila. Still, at least she can play with the worm.
By now I’m out of my mind with despair, so I call the bank again simply to vent some frustration, and end up being horrible to the man on the other end, who’s only doing his job. This makes me feel so low that I call back a few minutes later to try to apologize, but get put through to someone else, and they just think I’m weird.
Now it’s the next morning and I’m still waiting to discover if the bank’s going to let get some money out. I’ve learned my lesson, OK? It’s protecting my money by stopping me getting my hands on it, just in case I’m not me. And right now I’m not me. The real me would be out buying toys for my daughter to play with but I am still locked out of the ATM. Heidi is going to be mad at me for sure. But what worries me more though is today is the day I am supposed to tip Mr. Patu the laundry manager and last week I had a really spicy curry…….he will be expecting a big tip for washing the underpants I was wearing that night.
Time for today’s questions……off we go.
Long Tall Sally Asked:
Reply and respondJohn. Carnival has made some stupid decisions in the past but to get rid of the hamburger is the most stupid to date. Carnival and you should read what the influential Cruise Critic members are saying and then see just how crazy this idea is. How much money do you think you will save to the amount of money you will lose when people stop cruising!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John Says:
Hello Long Tall Sally.I moved your question to the top of today’s pile because you have won a prize. That’s because this is the last and final time I will answer anymore hamburger questions. Let then for the last time apologize for any anger I have caused by joking that the company will be discontinuing hamburgers. We are not, I promise and I want to apologize to all my friends on Cruise Critic who have taken my silly humour the wrong way. I will though not allow the hamburger to become the new power strip and any other question on this topic will receive the “delete” treatment. Host Mach ……..I know I opened a huge can of worms here so I wonder if you could please post my apology to the good people who write on the boards.
Sally, you have won a triple pounder Mclidoburger with free fries and a solid gold plastic trophy for being the last ever person to get their hamburger question answered.
Best wishes
JohnZacattack Asked:
Dear John, Please Reply.It’s your teenage friend again, the one who wrote about the Snob of the Seas having some decent hardware, but could never even think about the “Royals” treating me like Carnival treats me. I can never get over the service, the laughs, and the pure fun on a Carnival ship! I look forward to your blog each and every day as it just slaps a smile on my face and gives me something to look forward to after a long summers day of work on the farm… I mean… McDonalds. I appreciate all the effort you put into the blog!
Anywho, saw today that you are posting little tidbits about crew members on board, and I have a somewhat specific request to make while you are onboard the Carnival Splendor. If it has already been done in a previous blog or it is too far out of the way, I completely understand! Please, don’t go crazy over my request. I was wondering if you could do an interview with the Information and Systems Manager person on board, AKA the guy who does everything with the computers. I thought you might know him/her (very well) since you admit you’re not as familiar with computers as you are a fork and knife. It might sound silly, but it is my dream job and I’d love to know anything about it! I’m a computer geek at heart, and I couldn’t imagine a better place to work then on the high seas on a Carnival Fun Ship!
I hope you continue to post more of these crew member profiles and various quirks amongst the Carnival Splendor and I also dream that one very glorious day, I will have the honor of sailing with -The- John Heald. It seems that one could compare such an event to one’s own birth, screaming and crying and… the rest of it.
Thanks so much for all you do, and the smiles you bring!
ZackJohn Says:
Hello ZackIt is great to hear from you again. Have you joined me as a friend on Facebook yet? I would be very happy to post an interview with the chap who fixes the computers and operates all the hardware onboard. I will do this in the next few days so look out for that very soon. Zack, your posting was very well written and maybe you should start your own blog as you are a great writer. Thanks for all those kind words mate and I hope you continue to enjoy the blog thingy.
Best wishes to you and the family
JohnKevin Asked:
Dear John, Please Reply!!!!!!!I experienced my first Carnival Cruise this past March on the Miracle and as a late teenager I am hooked. I loved listening to the show bands and jazz bands and as an aspiring professional trumpet player and I hope to work for Carnival as a trumpet player in the future. I particularly enjoyed the Ticket to Ride show. The musicians were absolutely phenomenal!!!! Now for my question. Is it possible to get a copy of the trumpet sheet music to Ticket to Ride or any of the other shows? I love reading your blog thingy every day. Dad is always wondering what Mom and I are laughing about.
Thanks,
KevinJohn Says:
Hello KevinLook at that, two teenagers in a row writing on the blog, that is brilliant. I am so glad you had so much fun on the Carnival Miracle and that your experience has you hooked on fun Carnival style. I just wanted to make sure that you saw my earlier reply to your question (think it was in Tuesday’s blog) that due to the strict copyright laws I am not able to give you any of our show music. What I can give you is encouragement to keep playing and why not have a read all about the life of a show band musician and what it takes to work onboard on our entertainment web site. Here is the link thingy…… www.carnivalentertainment.com
I wish you much success and if you have any other questions please let me know.
Best wishes
JohnJudy Asked:
JOHN PLEASE REPLY!!!!First I just turned 60 and last year went and got myself a Tattoo of a fairy on my shoulder no less! Husband Loved it!!! Must be an age thing! No dancing on chairs tho-YET.
I was just looking on Carnivals site to help my friend find a cruise for an anniversary. She wanted the one we went on but I can’t seem to locate it??? OR are you not going there anymore??? We went on the Liberty from Rome going to Italy, Spain,France and Croatia. All I seem to find are Spain and Italy and same but 1 day Croatia. Did they take that trip off schedule???
Having a hard time finding her a cruise!!! Only interested in Med Europe and has seen Italy and Greece-what do you recommend??
The lady afraid of her own shadow (hangers) should have stayed home! There’s lots of bells and whistles and noise on a ship-hope she stayed off the lido deck at midnight!!!! (Buffet and party)
John Says:
Hello JudyCongratulations on your first tattoo and a belated happy 60th birthday to you. The cruise you are talking about is available next year on your Carnival Magic. We have 7, 9 and 12 day voyages with the only difference being that we are using Barcelona as a homeport and calling at Civitavecchia as a port of call which allows you to explore the imperial city of Rome. Here is the site where all will be explained www.carnivalmagic.com I hope your friend comes and joins me and maybe you as well so I can see your newly tattooed shoulder. Thank you for taking the time to write and if you or your friend have any questions please let me know.
Best wishes
JohnMaria & Juan Santana Asked:
John, please reply…Hi, John! Guess what these cruise-addicted Miami Beach bloggers did yesterday! We booked a 1-wk. cruise on the Nieuw Amsterdam sailing from Port Everglades on Nov. 28. Surprised? Surely not! After all, it’s your fault! Besides being the world’s best CD, you are also an excellent salesman! After reading all about your visit with Heidi & Kye to Holland America’s newest ship last month and now in recent days about Mr. & Mrs. Arison’s visit, we are hooked. Never mind the excellent ports-of-call (Half Moon Cay, Grand Turk, Grand Cayman & Costa Maya), which we have visited before…. You sold us the ship! It will not be the 1st time for us on Holland America. Many years ago we sailed with our son Alexander (11 yrs. old at that time) and another couple from the Florida Keys on the Statendam from Miami on a 12-day Easter Sunrise Cruise of the Caribbean. It was an excellent cruise. As you know, the Statendam is still cruising. Well, we are looking forward to have lunch/dinner at the Neiuw Amsterdam’s Tamarind Restaurant which you highly recommend.
Warmest regards to you and Heidi & a big kiss to Kye.
The Santanas of Miami BeachJohn Says:
Hello Maria and JuanOh my goodness how you are going to love the Nieuw Amsterdam. As you know I was just there and had three wonderful days enjoying the amazing service and one of the most friendly crews I have ever met. You must also try the Tamarind Pan Asian Grill and in particular the satay sampler……ohhh I could eat one of those right now. I know you both love cruising and we all enjoy reading your reviews when you return and I hope you will write all about your experiences this time as well. It makes me feel really good to know that my report on the ship tempted you to book. Have a brilliant time.
Best wishes to you both
JohnJoan Erickson Asked:
Please Reply John:I have heard about you for years and just recently began reading your blog – you are so funny!! Thanks for brightening up my day (s)!
A simple request, hopefully. My husband, two children, and two friends are on the Carnival Splendor on 10-10-10 ant are in cabin 8221 and 8223, early dining. We booked this cruise a while ago to celebrate my 50th birthday, and since then, our business has taken a turn for the worse and we are financially having difficulties. We looked everywhere for ways to save money and after much soul searching, decided to go on the cruise anyway, dammit. It might not be the responsible thing to do but while I am rotting away in debtor’s prison next year I will have those wonderful Splendor memories to keep me sane.
Since this might be our last cruise for a while, we would love a nice table for 6 by a window if possible, please. And if you stopped by to say hello to the Erickson party, that would be even more spectacular!! Our kids would talk about that for years to come!! Thanks so much for brightening the days for some people that lately don’t seem to have too many bright days…..
John Says:
Hello Joan EricksonWelcome to the blog thingy Joan, you are most welcome. I am so very sorry that you have had some hard times recently and I promise I will do all I can to make you smile and maybe forget about those difficult days if just for a short while. Can you please write me a note with your kids’ names and cabin numbers when you board. Please leave this letter at the Guest Service Desk on deck 3 and I will make sure I do something special for the kids. Thank you for the kind words and I look forward to meeting you all soon.
Best wishes to you and the family
JohnCorene Foust Asked:
John – PLEASE REPLYI have recently become acquainted with your Blog Thingy. I have laughed so hard at some of the amusing things that happen to you onboard and some of the people you have to deal with.
I have a question for you. Can you tell me when the Valor will be have the Captain’s dinner? My husband and I will be sailing on the Valor October 17th to the Western Caribbean. We will be celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary and I thought that would be a nice addition to the cruise. But I saw your list of those ships that had the Captain’s dinner and the Valor was not listed. Do you know if the dinner will be coming to the Valor by that time?
Thank you so much for all you do to make cruises special for all of us.
John Says:
Hello Corene FoustMy main reason to write this blog is to help people and to try through my silly and sometimes ummm……slightly rude humour (spelt correctly) so it is great to see that you are enjoying it. Let’s have a look at your itinerary and I will mark down the elegant nights for you.
Now by captain’s dinner to you mean The Chef’s Table? If you do it is already under way on the Carnival Valor. If this is not what you mean and you were talking about the Steakhouse well I would suggest that Belize night would be the perfect evening to eat there and celebrate your anniversary in style. Please let me know if you need anything.
Best wishes
JohnCardassian Asked:
John, (Please reply)There was a report of a crew member taken off the Splendor boat who was arrested for sexual charges but as usual your blog didn’t cover this. That’s why so many people don’t read it because you only tell us about how good Carnival is along with your childish jokes. Tell us know then and grow a pair.
John Says:
Hello CardassianI am as thick as two short planks of wood I know that…….but if you don’t read my blog how do you know what I write and what I don’t write?
Best wishes
JohnJamie Asked:
Dear John,I am the leader of a small group cruise called Cigars and Tiki Bars leaving Tampa on Nov 7th.
This trip has been planned since Aug 09. First on the Pride, but switched to the Legend due to unforeseen dry dock. Much broo-ha and grumbling amongst the group about adding airfare but I got it smoothed out by pitching the better (IMHO) ports. Then the fracas about cigars and cigar smoking came along, with a name like Cigars and Tiki Bars it was a big concern among our cruisers. But I was able to put out that fire also. I was able to assure them that the Sports Bar allowed cigar smoking. That made them happy because, being from North of Pittsburgh, our beloved Steelers are playing that Monday night. Be on the lookout for a loud group of black and gold wearing fanatics!
Through all this I have remained the cheerleader. I mean isn’t that what a group leader is suppose to do? What I was wondering is(and I really hate to be so bold as to ask) could you send along something like hats, shirts, drink coupons, key rings, can coozies… anything to help me show these folks how great Carnival can be and help me ramp enthusiasm back up? Some of our folks are still stinging about the switch from driving to Baltimore and flying to Tampa. $50 pp onboard credit helps but compared to $200 flights, they feel falls short.
I have no doubt this will be a great cruise. My hubby and I have been on eight cruises, five with Carnival and find them to be the best product out there. I am trying to convince these other folks as well. We have 18 people total and 12 are totally new to Carnival.
Anything you can do would be so appreciated.
Thanks so much,
Jamie DaileyJohn Says:
Hello JamieWell first of all let me thank you for being the cheerleader and keeping the spirits of your group up. I can confirm that cigar smoking on the Carnival Legend is allowed in the sports bar so that should please your group a lot. Please can you send me a reminder on October 1 and I will see if I can send you something to help you out. I know you will love the Carnival legend and my apologies for the change of ships but I promise you will all have a fantastic time.
Best wishes to you all and don’t forget to write.
JohnPortland Mollie Asked:
Hi John, Please replyWhat is the minimum age you can work on a Carnival ship. My daughter wants to be a dancer
Thanks in advance
MollieJohn Says:
Hello MollieThe minimum age is 18 and I would advise that you and your daughter have a look at www.carnival.com which has information and audition dates for young men and women who want to dance in one of our fabulous shows. I wish her much success.
Best wishes to you both
John
That’s all for today and I thank you so much for all the comments.
One comment I received directly by e-mail today was very strange. It was from someone who threatened me with violence. Yep, it was one of those awful e-mails that states that if you don’t forward it on to at least 10 people you will get the bubonic plague..…and die. Today’s such threat came in the form of a beautiful waterfall and beneath it a poem about love for your fellow mankind and how we must all embrace our fellow man… then in small print at the bottom were some words telling me that if I didn’t forward this e-mail than I was a complete bastard with no more right to live on God’s green earth then something that feeds of elephant poo… who writes these things?
OK, here are a couple of reminders. First of all the Red Frog Pub contest closes September 7 and I know many of you have entered. However if you haven’t remember this is a chance for you to leave your mark on what is I expect going to rival the Ocean Plaza for the place to be on your Carnival Magic. Here is one of the 344 Stephanies to remind you how to enter.
http://carnivalmagic.com/contest
Also, the new Funville Times is now ready for your viewing pleasure and Stephanie………put that tofu sandwich down will you and place the link thingy here.
http://www.carnival.com/cms/Funville/times/FunvilleTimes_August_LandingPage.aspx
Tomorrow I will feature a report and photos of our orphanage donation which was a brilliant thing to be part of. But now the main news of the day and news that will get those who are always wishing for longer cruises very happy indeed. Here’s why:
Carnival Inspiration to Reposition to Long Beach, Carnival Paradise to Tampa in Fall 2011
I have lost count of the times that people have written about how they would love more Panama Canal cruises so here you go…….you have 2 options now. This also means that both the west coast and the east coast get what will be for them, new ships. Both with the upgrades that have had so many people talking about just how superb the Fantasy class is. So, for those who love those kind of voyages …………get booking.
I woke up at 6:30am this morning. I haven’t been sleeping well these past few days as I am worried about poor Heidi spending 11 hours with Kye in economy on a British Airways flight to LA. I am worried also that Kye will look at me and go “who the heck are you” and start to cry.
Anyway, I decided that after my shower I would take a walk to Lido and get a bagel. I don’t usually eat breakfast but for some reason I really fancied a toasted bagel and cream cheese. As I wandered across the lido the ship was still an hour and a half away from arriving in Mazatlan. I said good morning to the guests who were already up and chatted with some about their plans for the day. I stood by the poolside talking to one couple who were talking about how they loved the Rhythm of the Night excursion in P. V. but while they talked my mind was distracted by something that I had read about but never actually seen before. You know, I sometimes post comments about the more ridiculous statements a few guests make but here at 7:15am, poolside I was seeing one that on each ship I had read about in the incident report………dragging deck chairs across the deck and the noise being heard in the cabins below. Yep, that’s exactly what the deck crew was doing and I could imagine how the noise could be heard in the cabins on deck 8.
I am not blaming the deck stewards. Oh no. These chairs are very heavy indeed and awkward for one person to carry from the stack across to its place on the open decks. But, we tell them they have to try and I guess that this particular morning they had forgotten. Once I returned to my cabin and while munching on my bagel and the three pieces of bacon that had somehow accidentally ended up on my plate, I called the housekeeping manager and told her what I had seen. She sighed…..and promised to re-address what she has no doubt told them a few times before. It is easy to sit here and write about the bizarre and the ridiculous but sometimes you just have to hold your hands up and admit that yes………..we make mistakes.
While we are talking about ways of improving I met a Platinum guest recently who told me he had 9 picture frames which I guess is the gift we give our Platinum and Milestone guests. It seems like that we might need to change this and so I have sent one of the most senior beards an e-mail kindly requesting he looks into this. Just thought you should know. Some of you will have received an online survey about our loyalty program so please take the time to complete them, they are very important.
After my day of rejected debit cards and Wal-Mart humiliation I decided to go to the cigar bar with James Bore the musical director here on the Carnival Splendor. I had just finished a few minutes of joking on the stage at the end of the Mexican Folkloric show and had gone to enjoy my first cigar in a long, long time. It will also be my last for 5 weeks now Heidi and Kye are coming.
Anyway, as we sat there and chatted I met a fantastic guest, although I doubt he will remember me. I knew straight away as this guest weaved his way toward me that he had been enjoying the P.V. nightlife and most likely Senior Frogs or a similar venue. He was a young man in his 20s and he was walking erratically and was, not to put too fine a point on it, incapable of either coherent thought. For those who don’t understand the word coherent or would like a simpler explanation……..he was pissed as a fart.
He came up to us………and he just stood there…..swaying gently from side to side …….just staring at me.
I waited for him to say something and after three seconds of just being stared at I said, “Good evening sir, are you having a good time?” He looked like he’d been asked to explain the atomic properties of plutonium. He had the IQ of a dead hamster and the conversational ability of a sock.
Still nothing.
And then……..bizarrely…..he leaned forward inches from my face and said “I Love You Man.”
Well….at least that’s what I though he said as it came out” I loooowee you, man” and just as I wondered if he was about to ask why he loved me…….he turned around………and staggered away.
He left me broken hearted, alone and never knowing why he loved me……………did we truly have a future together?
As he walked away I realized that I would never know the answers to these questions ……………. and I don’t mind admitting……………I cried.
Goodnight
Your friend
John
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
John:
Sorry that you had an “encounter” with Barclays. I, too, have often wondered why a credit card company can’t just issue a “warning”… if the purchase is of a small amount in a foreign country.
Something like “due to the foreign nature of this purchase, this will be the last charge allowed until you contact us”.
Now I understand that if someone were trying to purchase an Aston Martin in Dubia….but some toys at a Walmart in PV should not be an issue.
We were in Alaska and had an $18.43 lunch bill declined. That eruption you heard was not from Mt McKinley….it was from Mount Powell, as David tore someone a new “volcano hole” (if you get my drift).
One of the reasons I married David was his character and his stand on principles. He can not stand anyone to question his financial character, when it is undeserved. That was 5 years ago and as much as we travel, it has never happened again.
Hope you get everything cleared up and Heidi and Kye have a safe and smooth flight from home.
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
Btw, about the Platinum picture frames….
7 cruises a year @ 3 to 4 guests per cabin …..
let’s just say…we have a few!!! LOL
Dera Linda Mom of DJ,
Can you please adopt me? I want to go on seven cruises a year. I promise I will be a good boy and always put my toys away.
The Cruzin2some
James & Nancy Enslow
Hey…you aren’t doing to shabby yourself!!!!
We are all soooo blessed!!!
Linda (Mom fo DJ)
Hi John!
Read about picture frames! Yes!
We were with you on the Fantasy May 23rd (and I got them to turn off the blaring music on the Serenity Deck. )
We now have 14 Carnival picture frames!
I was told to contact your marketing@carnival.com about them and I just did. I asked then for something different but am not holding my breath.
We are leaving on the Fantasy again next week, the 11th. What do you think we’ll get? Frames 15 & 16?
We will be doing a B2B on November 7th & 14th on the Glory. Will we get frames17, 18, 19 & 20?
Maybe I should sell them on ebay!
We enjoyed Brian & Marianne, playing in the atrium on the Glory for our 4 Glory cruises. They went on vacaiton, home to the Phillipines, when the Glory went to drydock. Where are they now? Who will be on the Glory Nov.7 & 14th? (We also enjoyed Rey & Mae on the Liberty!)
I agree Linda. We took 5 cruises last year and will take 8 this year so 13 time 2 equals way too many. lol
Carolyn
John,
You aren’t the only one with a credit card company that “protects” you from yourself. My cousin is a flight attendant and couldn’t understand why her card wasn’t working in Tokyo. It seems that because she had filled up with gas in Bemidji, MN in the morning and then tried to buy dinner in Tokyo, they blocked her card. They couldn’t understand how that could be legit. And this from a credit union that was formed by and for airline employees. Sorry to hear that Kye will be playing with dirty socks for a few days, dirty only because you can’t tip Mr. Patu either.
Great news on the trans-Panama cruises. The SO really wants to go on one, so I’ll have to fill him in when I see him on the Splendor. I’m already printing information to send to him.
Shelly
Cardassian,
I think you must have hit your head on the car-dash-in-an accident.
BIG Ed
What part of ‘John’s personal Blog’ is he not getting?
lol
Ed:
car-dash-in-an
Cardassian
Good one…but I explained it carefully because with Cardassian’s obvious limited IQ…he probably didn’t get it.
Linda
JOHN: If you have sooo much problems with Barclays-heres a solution! Open an acct in Miami with a local bank and get a new charge/debit card!!! We dumped Barclays! way too much trouble-haven’t had a problem with the Carnival credit card!!!
Judy,
Not to be a smart alec, but isn’t the Carnival card a Barclay card too?
Laura
Dear John (please reply),
First, I need to tell you that I am thoroughly enjoying your blog thingy and Facebook thingy. Your posts keep me going between our Fun-For-All Carnival cruises. Please keep up the good work!
On another matter, I mentioned before that I have set a personal goal to reach platinum status by age 40. Carnival cruise #6 was on board the beautiful Carnival Dream a few months ago, and within a week of debarkation, I used my Future Cruise Certificate to place a deposit on cruise #7 on board the Carnival Legend in 2011. That gives me about a year and a half to sail on cruises #8 and #9 before my celebratory birthday cruise #10 (I call it “Laurakah”) in January 2013.
Anyway, all this strategizing makes me wonder two things:
1. Last year, or maybe earlier this year, you said that you would have a talk with “the beards” to discuss the possibility of restructuring the way platinum status was achieved. The idea was to base platinum status on the number of days cruised with Carnival, rather than the number of cruises, so that guests who took a longer cruise would get more “credit” than on shorter 2-4 day cruise. Whatever became of that? Was the idea rejected?
2. How is the Carnival Legend going to measure up to the amazingly beautiful Carnival Dream, with its seaside theater, waterworks area, serenity deck, and all its alternative dining options, like the Mongolian wok and burrito bar? Have I been spoiled now?
OK, so my second question isn’t really serious. We’ve sailed on a Spirit-class ship before (Carnival Miracle, cruise #2) and had a brilliant time. Still, I’d love to know if I need to revise my “Platinum by 40″ strategy to meet new Platinum requirements.
Thanks for your attention and for sharing your experiences and musings!
All the best to you and your girls,
Laura
PS – My little 4-year-old, Alyssa, has a similar goal. I think it’s “10 by 10″ (which has a much better ring to it than “Platinum by 40,” don’t you think?) The Carnival Legend in April will be cruise #4 for her, and she can hardly wait.
I have to agree. I would think if 10 3 day cruises can get you platinum, then 30 days of cruise should get you platinum. We will be going on our 6th cruise this spring, but will have 34 days
John,
Oh yeah forget to mention, you have been our favorite Cruise Director. Extasy on 8/9/1992 for our Honeymoon. We just missed you on the Dream last year. Of course our cruises now include our kids, which will be on going on their 4th this spring.
John (reply if u want to),
Don’t beat yourself up over the Barclays lockout. We’ve all had that happen to us! Hopefully, you can get some cash soon, so you can keep Mr. Patu fully engaged in the cleaning of your underpants.
Great news about the Carnival Inspiration-Carnival Paradise swap. Curious as to why a one-for-one swap on the Fantasy-class ships. I’m guessing in order to get the Carnival Paradise in to Freeport for the remainder of her EOF upgrades?
Hope you have a wonderful time with your family onboard the Carnival Splendor!!
Marty & Jeanne Paul
Hi John,
Sorry to hear about the debit card thing. I’m sure you will find some toys at the gift shop for Kye to amuse herself.
Just curious………are you not allowed to open up an account at a US bank? That would seem to solve your problem while travelling in Mexico. Just sock a few hundred away in good old Uncle Sam’s bank and access it when you need.
Or do what my grandparents did……………..hide some cash in the mattress and take it out when you need it. LOL
All the best,
B&D
Hello John,
I enjoy your blog very much. My wife, Patricia, and I will be sailing Sept. 25 on the Carnival Dream (cabin #1429). This will be our 5th Carnival cruise, but only the 2nd by ourselves. Could you arrange for us to have a table for 2 in the dining room? We are set for the 6:00 pm seating.
Thank you very much.
Simply go to the Maitre D the first day of the cruise to request dining changes. Simple as that. Happy Cruise!
Charles Lucas….You need to put PLEASE REPLY or John won’t see the request.
I just LOVE your blog thingy! So funny!
John,
I could manage without one more picture frame too. But those Carnival thermos bottles really come in handy. I use them myself, & pass the extras on to my friends & family. You could bring those back for a while.
I was at the famous PV Walmart last time I cruised C Splendor.
It’s like coming home to me, since most of our Walmart employees can’t speak very good English either.
Joyce
John,
Heidi and Kye are almost packed by now. They’ll be fine in economy, I hope. You’re going to have such a grand time with your girls. You’ll get the toy run completed as soon as you can…….in the meantime “borrow” some stuff from Camp Carnival.
The thing to worry about is Mr. Patu and those “spicy curry” underpants…..that man MUST have the $14 bucks you have left and SOON!! Heidi will make it through the long flight BUT she’s not going to be happy if you do not have lots of clean underpants.
I’ll be thinking of you and your girls this weekend. Hoping I get to meet your little family one day.
“I love ya man”
Steve O
Dear John,
Lucky West Coast. We finally get a ship with the Waterworks upgrade. The Elation sailed away with out the upgrade and now the Paradise is leaving.
This is really good news.
The Cruzin2some
Dear John:
There is hope for toys for Kye yet – there IS a Wal Mart in Cabo San Lucas and another one in Mazatlan, according to my search at tripadvisor.
Happy shopping!
Hey John, THREE lessons you need to learn:
1. Eat breakfast-you are diabetic!
2. Platinum gifts definitely need to change. I have more frames, and coffee urns than I could ever need.
3. Most importantly-ALWAYS get cash out of the ATM on board, so Kye doesn’t miss out on any new toys in the future! And shop anywhere but Walmart!
Your friends, Mike and Linda
Hi John, I have a couple of “Highly Techical” Questions. No rush on the answer, I am not cruising until January of 2011
Numero Uno… (practicing my Spanish) I love “at sea days”… My idea of a great cruise is sailing in circles in the Pacific! Very large circles… (the really small circles are hard on the ship and the crew.) Anyhew, as this is my second time down to Mexico on the Splendor, and I think I will make the port days “Splendid sea days” and just stay on this ship. I have to admit, on all my cruises so far, I have always scurried down the gangway as soon as the ship docks, not returning until just before sailing, and yes, once due to circumstances beyond our control in Alaska, the ship had to wait almost 2 hours for our tour to return. So it is with all seriousness and curiosity that I ask… “What happens on the ship when we are on shore? Are we all on shore? Do people stay on the ship all day during port days?”
Numero Duo (I never said I knew Spanish!) Are there any “I can’t believe you sailed on the Splendour and didn’t ________” things? ( after the rumpy bumpy post recently, I re-read this and had a bit of a giggle) Seriously now, I would love to hear what cruisers most enjoyed about the Splendour. Are there any must see or must do items on this cruise?
P.S. Keep up the FANTASTIC blog! I love it! Don’t change a thing! Well, change your undies, but don’t change the blog!
TTFN
Utah
JOHN PLEASE REPLY
We are looking into a cruise on the Carnival Pride out of Baltimore next summer. (you may remember me asking about Alaska cruises before but we decided that flying to Seattle is too expensive. Argh, maybe summer 2012…)
Anyway, my question is:
Can you tell me about how long after leaving Baltimore that the ship passes under the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, as well as how long until it crosses over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel? (note that they are 2 different structures, 1 is in Maryland and the other is Virginia) I’ve crossed both several times, especially the VA one… maybe 30 times or more.
And I’ve always been curious about something as well. Why (on all ships) when any staff member makes an announcement regarding something coming up, they say “starting in 30 minutes TIME” . Why not just say “30 minutes”? It’s just something I’ve always wondered…
And lastly, I think your blog has grown so popular that you have your own set of trolls (look up on urbandictionary.) You ought to look up how to deal with them effectively
Ok that’s enough.
Ryan
John , we had the same experience in Jamaica. We were trying to buy a Jamaican doll and none of our credit cards were excepted. So fortunately Don had cash on him. Got the doll back to the ship, but have not been able to find it since we got home……… The case of the missing Jamaican doll goes unsolved. Anyway I always call the credit card company now and make sure they know we’re going to be out of the US so I was able to buy a Mexican doll this last cruise.
Picture frames.. I agree with Linda and the other guest, it’s about time for a change. We have 16+ picture frames and that is after we have donated frames to our friends and kids.
Give your girls a hug for us….. save one for yourself too. Miss cruising with you, but looking forward to the BC4 and seeing you again.
Carolyn and Don
Hi John, (Please Reply)
I have been on the Carnival Splendor twice (and on many cruises). Unfortunately I did not know last year when I booked this years cruise for May that you would be on the Splendor this year. I hope to cruise with you some day. This is my first time writing to you. My question is, is there anyway you can post full clips of the marriage show you do? Love the fact that you post little clips but it always leaves me cracking up and wanting to see more.
Happy to hear you will once again be with your family soon. Best wishes, Marina M.
John,
That is too bad about them dragging the deck chairs across the deck. I would recommend roller dollies. You should be able to get some made that would just be used on the back legs of the chairs. Two members lift the back legs of a whole stack of chairs and place them on the rollers. They can then roll the chairs into place and unload together, noise should be reduced.
Please reply:
John,
I love you too, my daughter reads your blog everyday and she loves you too. My husband, maybe not so much, since I treated you as a rock star on our Carnival Dream cruise, no, I am kidding, he loves you because I love you!!
How long will you be on the Magic once it arrives in Galveston, will book accordingly so that my daughter can also meet you? We are looking at the December 4th cruise with Host Randy.
John, my daughter and I both work at financial institutions, all you have to do is call the number on the back of your card and let them know how long you will be out of the country…easy peasy.
Many hugs,
Bobbi
Hi John,
I don’t know if it works the same for your Barclay’s card, but before I can use my debit card for a charge (not using the PIN) purchase in a foreign country, I have to first “validate” it for use in that country by making a PIN-based transaction. This can be as simple as going to an ATM (if you can find one) and checking your account balance, which usually does not cost anything. Of course you could also choose to make a withdrawal in the local currency. After that, the computer knows that it is possibly (not definitely) you that is using your card abroad. I have tried calling my bank in advance and telling them of the countries to which I am travelling but it is of no avail; without the PIN transaction the card is blocked.
It was probably the WalMart employee’s mistake in setting the transaction as a charge instead of a debit (PIN required).
Matt Mendenhall
Dear John – Please Reply…
I’ve never blogged before and am so excited to have found your site. Thank you for taking a minute to read this and thrilled to learn that you’re currently on the Splendor.
20 years ago today my husband and I took our first cruise which was to Mexico for our honeymoon. I’m so curious if you might have been the cruise director on the Carnival Jubilee at that time? It was a wonderful seven day cruise and I kept thinking years later you might have been the CD on that ship – we won “the newylywed game” and earned our gold ship. The CD at the time was so engaging and fun and was a highlight of being on the ship and I’m hoping you might recall if you were the CD then.
Now, 20 years later, we will be celebrating our anniversary on the October 3rd cruise on the Splendor and thrilled you are the CD. My husband and I haven’t been on a seven day cruise since our honeymoon and thought it would be great to go to the same destination on a newer ship. We booked this a year ago so we could afford to pay over time and treat ourselves to a balcony….and ended up splurging and getting a wrap around – I can’t wait! We’re also going with friends who have never cruised, so it’s going to be a blast.
I’m not one who’s comfortable in making requests for favors, yet it appears from your blog that you are generous in offering help. Like many relationships, my husband and I have weathered many storms. For us, we’ve had others say that we’ve experienced more than our share of challenges physically, emotionally, and financially. Yet, we are so blessed with what we do have and the timing of this cruise couldn’t have been better. It is in being positive and having each other that has helped us weather the storms. If there is any possibility that you might be able to help us get a good location for our dining table, that would be so much appreciated. It would make celebrating our 20th extra special. If you need to know, our room will be 7447 and our friends are in 7449. Even if you’re unable to help us get a nice table location, if we could get a chance to meet you that would be awesome.
Thank you John for blogging and making me laugh when I need a pick-me-up. I’m looking forward to a splendid time on the Splendor, and hopefully getting a chance to meet you in person. Warm regards, Cheryl Johnson
Well, my friend, it still amazes me that people scan your blog for the tiniest indication of some change and then announce what they’ve found to be gospel. The hamburger thing amazed me… utterly amazed me.
Now, as most of these folks are probably Cruise Critic readers (not necessarily members…) I’m baffled by the fact that the second post in the thread that started this (my post, by the way…) dispelled the burger’s demise in no uncertain terms but no one, it seems, chose to read it. Selective reading, I suppose. At all cases, I’m sorry I didn’t/couldn’t do more to keep this nonsense from getting out of control.
About the logo item gift for Platinum, it’s been around so long that folks on Cruise Critic are giving them away. Yep, time for a change. Could they please change before I sail in three weeks?
I get the ‘If you don’t forward this email to at least 3000 people…’ emails, too. So far I’ve yet to contract the Plague but I do have a nasty hangnail. I’ll take the hangnail.
All the best to you and the girls.
Ciao!
Host Mach
“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.” – Copy to Clipboard
— Henry Mencken
You can add non Americans as well. This burger thing has me amazed. Good thing John didn’t reveal the plans fot the melting chocolate cake.
John (Please Reply),
I have heard that guests can go to the Steakhouse without reservations for the purpose of enjoying a cocktail and hors d’oeuvres before going to dinner in the MDR.
Can you confirm this? And if it’s true can you give me an idea of what kind of treats can be ordered and at what price.
Also, is it restricted to certain nights, hours or maximum guests?
Sister and I would like to enjoy some Champagne and Caviar if it’s available.
I’m writing this on the 3rd and I can feel your excitement building in anticipation of your girls arrival. Have a great holiday with them. I hope they are staying for awhile.
Hi John!
I am a Platinum member and love to travel (next cruise 9/20/10 with “The Girls” on Carnival Destiny)!
Have you ever utilized the website Seatguru.com (I don’t work for the website-just appreciate it greatly)? The site has a listing of almost all major airlines’ fleets and onboard seat configuration. The site rates the seating in three catagories and shows the most/least desirable seats (shows power port locations, seat width/pitch, storage under the seat,if the seat reclines, etc). When my family travels for business or pleasure I always check it out and choose our seating assignments on the airlines’ website accordingly. It’s an easy way to help make that coach flight a bit more manageable (we joke and call it poor-man’s First Class).
Maybe Heidi can pick a window seat in the bulkhead since it has a bit more head/shoulder room OR appeal to the gate agent and gently assert her celebrity wife status (who knows-it could work, right?)!!
Hi John, Really nice to see you again on the Splendor last month. My wife Jean & I are packing for our Alaska cruise on the Spirit. We board in Seattle on Tuesday 9/7. Looking forward to seeing you again down the road! Bob Koehler
You gotta love the Italians
This is the hostess for an Italian TV talk show…
This is the hostess for an American TV talk show
Where in the hell did we go wrong?
John – No need to reply
My husband and I just returned from our 25th wedding anniversary cruise on board the Carnival Elation. We wanted to thank you so much for arranging a table for two for us – it was a really nice thing for you to do. We really enjoyed the trip. It was a very relaxing five days! We are now looking forward to our eight day cruise on board the Miracle in November (we don’t usually cruise three times in one year, but with our 25th anniversary this year we splurged). Thanks again for your kindness. I hope that you get to have your girls on board with you soon.
Carla & Jim Moore
Hello John!
Yes, please no more picture frames (one is enough & with the airlines charging fees for overweight bags – space is at a premium)
How about a VIP Coupon Book?
Some suggestions that would not have a huge impact on Carnival Revenue:
Drink coupons
Complementary Spa service
Complementary exercise class
Discount on Behind the Scenes Tour
Free photo
Discount @ Gift shop
Some small free Carnival Logo (keychain, etc.) item from Gift shop
I know you have Casino play now for the VIPs & that could be incorporated into the Coupon Book
I’m sure Management could think of more to include in Carnival’s VIP FunBook.
RCCL does something similar with a”discount coupon” book with different discounts depending on your status level
I had written in earlier with some no-cost suggestions for VIP perks such as:
Upon boarding have a room to store carry-on until cabins were ready.
Guests would print 2 more Carnival ID tags & have one of their Carnival luggage IDs attached to their carry-on. At the storage room a staff member would collect those tags and the guest would then show their other “claim tag” to retreive their bags.
Hi John..Since reading the news about the Carnival Magic having a pub, I wanted to pass on a comment. We were on a cruise where the ship had a pub and they held one of the trivia games there with pub related questions and everyone who was involved in the trivia game received a free bottle of beer. hint hint….if you’re looking for another use of the pub……regards from Texas.Wil
John,
Some CONSTRUCTIVE advice if you dont mind.
Th UNDERPANTS Thing is dated and you should really loos it as it is really starting to get boring.
Our first gift as Platinum was a collapsible carry-all bag that I have used on EVERY cruise since then. They are really wonderful. Carnival could always bring back something like that.
Dear John,
(Please reply)
We are writing to let you know the Planets have finally aligned for us! Three things are about to happen in October on the Carnival Splendor.
1) Two years from the date of my first cruise, we will turn Platinum on the Carnival Splendor. We slipped in a cruise this month, just so we could be Platinum on the Splendor with you.
2) We will finally have you as a CD. We met you on the Carnival Dream’s transatlantic voyage, when you were kind enough to come and meet with our Transatlantic Dreamers CC group.
3) And our third anniversary. We have cruised for each of our anniversaries since getting married.
Looking forward to seeing you again, and have you as a CD for the first time. Wont be the last though as we are already booked on the Oct sailing of the Magic for our next anniversary.
We too, love reading your Blog, and hope you will be able to continue for many years to come. With any luck, your two lovely ladies will still be with you, when we get there, and may be able to meet them also.
Shane and Janet
John
(no need for a reply, I just got a laugh out of this and thought you might too)
My mom and I are regular blog readers, so when this incident occurred this afternoon I had a good chuckle.
My mom has been looking at the TA for my Carnival Magic, for the past couple months (she was even more interested when she knew that you might be the CD) and as soon as my dad got home from Iraq and she got permission to book the cruise, she did, IN HER UNDERPANTS!
Now to some people this might not be funny, but you don’t usually see my mom sitting around in her underpants and you are always talking about sitting around in your underpants, I know it might have just been a coincidence, but it was toooooo perfect… I think she has the cruisin’ bug!
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John, Pleasse reply
I wrote a comment before and put “please reply” and forgot to ask the real question! (It was one of those days.) Question was: Are most of the ships in the same class as the Carnival Inspiration getting balconies added? We would love to do the repositioning cruise from LA to Tampa on Nov. 29, 2011 but like balconies and can’t afford a suite!! Just hoping that bsalconies will be an option.
Hi John
Glad that in a couple of days Heidi and Kye will be with you. Too bad about the Walmart fiasco but they were looking after your interests!!!!
Can’t believe that Carnival has NOW decided to do the Panama Canal. We had always wanted to do this but they never had any and since these are repositioning cruises we didn’t see the probability of Carnival doing it. Last month after my surgery hubby wanted to cheer me up and booked us a crossing with NCL (never sailed with them before) and now that you mentioned Carnival is going there, I feel very sad. I’d rather we’d have traveled with Carnival. Oh well at least we still have the Magic cruise with you in May next year.
Keep the repositioning cruises coming please at least it’s not only Caribbean ones!!!
Eva
John please reply if you can. My wife and I just got off of the sesation, after a excellent three days cruise. We will be going on Miracale in January. While on board sensation we did the Chefs Table. It turned out to be one of the best dinners we have ever had. Our complaiments to the head chef, and his fantastic staff. We know that miracles has Nick & Noras (Been there before) our question is, will the chefs table be rolled out there by then? Besafe, and oh yes we met you on dream, with the bloody mary’s on night in the oceans plaza.
It will be sad to see the Carnival Inspiration leave our Tampa port. Carnival Paradise although in the same class, does not have the wonderful Waterworks feature. It will be interesting to see how it works out.
John (Please reply),
I hope some of the Cruise Critic critics are reading the blog they love to hate because we want to say what a great time we had. Just returned from our 16th cruise and had a few after thoughts. Such as how is it that every cruise somehow is even more enjoyable than the last? We managed just fine even without a power strip (replace/recharge in advance, if necessary recharge while at meals, shows or sleeping, set wake-up calls on the cabin phone), there was, of course, ice tea and hamburger – we opted for a cheeseburger. One problem, as usual, is the food. So cotton pickin’ good and so many choices! How do you decide what to eat and what to skip? It’s really agonizing. Had a chance to chat with uber Maitre ‘d Ken Byrne a couple of times before he moves to the Magic next year. You and Ken Byrne together? This could bring a whole new meaning to the term “Fun Ship”. Having made this cruise a few times before, Guest Services had us wondering if they had sipped their own version of St. Elmo’s fire too liberally when they tried to convince us that we would be leaving the ship on a different deck and on the opposite side than ever before. Turns out there was some painting scheduled and the ship did, in fact, dock on the opposite side this time and disembark passengers one deck up from the usual. Maybe they could have explained it a little better. We kept trying to visualize how 40 or so VIP and Platinum guests with luggage and some with canes were going to manage from the “wrong” deck and “wrong” side. Once all became clear it worked beautifully just as they had planned. And about asking for help on the blog – the fact that Ken Byrne had us assigned to exactly the table that fits our needs made his acknowledgement of our 60th anniversary dinner all the sweeter which in turn made this special cruise a little bit more memorable. Thanks Ken and thanks John. As Brand Ambassador do you think we’ll sail Carnival again? Numbers 17 and 18 are already booked for January and May of 2011. One point you just might be able to bring up next time you and those responsible are chatting. We all believe the list of perks available to Platinum guests shows Carnival’s appreciation for loyalty with one possible adjustment. The “logo item”. After accumulating 8 or 10 picture frames most of them will probably never be used or seen again. Not much of a perk or display of the logo. Maybe the beards could try a decent sport shirt, platinum color, suitably embroidered. Folks would be proud to wear it and others would want to earn it as quickly as possible. Make mine XXL long.
Ken and Lorrene
Platinum Cruisers
Yes, enough picture frames. How about discounted time in the Internet Cafe? A rate something closer to the crew rate would be a valuable and appreciated perk for Platinum guests. A drink coupon for each Platinum member would also be welcome.
Thanks
Steve