Guest: Ms ———–Ref: 848181425A
Cabin: ———- ————–Added-Changed: 09/01/10 – 09/01/10SPIDER ON TOUR
Guest came to the desk saying that she had been on the Beach Horseback Riding Tour in PVR and when she was on the horse in the jungle part of the tour she had seen a large spider on the tree. Guest said that she is very afraid of spiders and that she nobody had informed her that there would be a chance to see them. Guest is expecting a full refund from the tour. Tasked to Shore Ex Manager
OK, the obvious here is that she didn’t get bitten or attacked by a spider and how the heck are we at Carnival supposed to schedule what animals, birds and insects are or are not going to be saying “hi” to the guests. Obviously she is not going to get a full refund or any refund because despite her being traumatized she did complete the whole excursion. What she is going to get is sympathy because I know how it feels to see something that makes your skin crawl, sweat and feel like you are going to have to vomit. I know this because I have been to Paris.
I guess you have to be a true agrnophobic…….angropobic……angraphob………a true hater of spiders to understand just how this woman feels though and I have some sense of her terror because I am married to someone whose fear of spiders is extreme. Heidi can handle birth, waxing her thighs and pulling of Brazilian rain forests of hair and the stresses and strains of everyday life with calm and assurance. Mention the word spider and she morphs into a straight to video star who is being chased by someone in a hockey mask armed with a chainsaw. And thanks goodness she is coming out to sail with me on Saturday because in the UK countryside …. it’s spider season.
Every year at this time thousands of the godless eight-legged bastards emerge from the gardens and woods around where we live with the sole intention of tormenting my wife and me because I spend each and every day on spider hunt, patrolling the bedrooms and lounge and kitchen armed with a rolled up newspaper.
To Heidi, September is a like a real life version of some video game. Our house is briefly transformed into a sort of zombie house of murder and gore in which dropping your guard, even for a moment, can have terrible consequences.
We don’t have poisonous spiders in England but they do grow fairly large. But nothing compares to the ones I saw in Jamaica. Heidi and I spent our honeymoon in a villa in Jamaica. OK, we took some friends along as well because we could never have afforded this place called Silent Waters without going with three other couples but it was beautiful and we had a great time. However, it is memorable to me because I had one experience that for obvious reasons I never told Heidi about until we were safely on the plane heading back to the UK.
It was around 2 am. Heidi was fast asleep and I awoke with the sudden call of nature. So I went into the bathroom and did my number two’s. As I sat there, still half asleep, a spider the size of a small dog unexpectedly crawled out from behind the toilet and scampered across my bare foot. I reacted like I’d had a taser shoved up my arse. Blind panic took control of my body before the need to stop “going” had registered in my brain……..you can imagine the scene. My scream had woken Heidi who was shouting “John are you OK, where are you?” I am shouting back “Yes, yes, just really constipated, really bad stomach cramps.” There is poo on the floor and somewhere in the darkness lay a huge sodding spider. Now if I had told Heidi that the truth we would have gone home that night. I am not kidding. Seriously, the honeymoon would have been over. The end.
I went back to bed, telling Heidi I was feeling better but it was probably best she use the other bathroom for a bit. The next morning while Heidi was still asleep I went stealthily into the bathroom armed with a size 11 Nike Air Jordan……..but the spider had buggered off. After cleaning up the evidence of the previous night’s horrors (that was not a pleasant experience) I returned to my wife who woke to say how sorry she was that I had the nasty crampy wampies. I felt bad…..but I had paid loads of money for this vacation and no way was I going to let a bloody spider ruin it.
Time for today’s questions………..away we go.
Beansey Asked:
John reply pleaseAre the waiters and waitresses forced to dance on the podiums during the dances in the dining room? I just got off the Pride and it seemed to me that they all hated doing it. I also find it cheap and degrading for them. I read a discussion on cruise critic where lots of people said they did not like the dances and singing and preferred peace and quiet at dinner. I am one of those but a more worried about the waiters who have to do these dances.
Thanks
BeanseyJohn Says:
Hello BeanseyWell I guess we have two questions to answer here. Firstly the waiters and waitresses who perform on the podiums are usually the extraverts, the ones who like to strut their stuff. These are chosen purely on a volunteer basis and nobody is forced to do it. Actually one maitre d told me that many want to do it because of course it puts them at the center of attention which is a good thing one would think when you are working in a tipping environment. Now I know that there are some who don’t like the dances and parades, etc. but I think the majority do.
It has been a long Carnival tradition in the dining rooms and it is one that I would never want to see go. These days the waiters are far busier than they used to be. The ships are bigger and they have bigger stations and sometimes it is not always easy to have that time to play the tricks and converse with the guests as in days gone by. Therefore I think that the dances songs and parades are a vital part in what Carnival is all about. I would be interested to hear what others here on the blog thingy have to say. I hope you had a wonderful cruise.
Best wishes
JohnGordon and Samantha Asked:
We want to book the chefs dining experience on the Dream in November. Do you do this and how?Gordon
John Says:
Hello Gordon and SamanthaThat is probably the shortest posting I have ever had. I would kindly ask that you post again please with using this format and filing in the blanks.
Title -chef’s table booking
Ship
Sailing date
Name
Cabin number
Number of people
I look forward to hearing from you soon
Best wishes
JohnJudy Asked:
JOHN!!! PLEASE FORWARD ON TO RYAN(Alaska)We took the cruise on Carnival Spirit and had a GREAT time! We did do the balcony and it was worth it! We went in late august towards end of season (cheaper) but a little chilly-sweatshirt is needed. We drank Hot Chocolate on the balcony and watch the icebergs go by. We also went up on deck-not crowed-and had our picture taken by a guest just as a WHOLE wall of ice fell!!! Was soo cool! Had that in back of pic! The ports were great! We had rain in Ketacan(sp) but ponchos and umbrellas do the trick and we walked on. Saw a stream soo full of salmon you could reach in and have your fill. Went “goldmining” and realllly enjoyed Sitka-Russian town-people never left after the US took it over and was very interesting. We took the McKinley train out of anchorage and stopped in Denali Park overnight. I went horseback riding into the park!! My husband went white river rafting and saw many different animals on shore. We rode train on up to Fairbanks which was a little disappointing as we arrived at 8pm and everything was closed cept for a couple eating places. We flew next day back to Anchorage to come home. Would I do it again-YES! We left out of Seattle-passport is needed because of Vancouver.
The Spirit ship is smaller which we enjoy-not so many people to trip over-and it does as well a job as Princess etc others.
Hope that helped!
JOHN!!! You really need to do new scripts! Pick a new rhythm or something. Different names to call people. In today’s world it’s a sad shame that everyone wants to SUE people! Lawyers make a mint and live well. No un-employment for them. It someone gets hit with a pillow-they will certainly yell whip lash!! And if someone just falls down (drunk!) there’s another law suit! The company is protecting itself from these idiots but at same time taking all our fun away.
SUGGESTION: How about a big dance party???Just a come as you are (done at different times) and limbo? Or something no one can get hurt? I’d like to see dancers showing us how to do the steps-salsa, chacha etc and have a dance! For those physically challenged-how about a eating off your belly contest!? They have to eat food off the big bellies without hands!! While reclining in a lounge chair!!! Or a trivia contest of movies on the big screen-guess what movie it is. How about a BEACH party??? Move the lounge chairs out of way and bring out the towels! Beach balls etc-get the band going.
Just some thoughts!!! Enjoy!!!
John Says:
Hello JudyThank you for that wonderfully descriptive overview of Alaska and it once again makes me realize that I must someday soon experience this for myself either as a CD or as a guest. I am glad you enjoyed sailing out of Seattle and this has been one of the most successful new homeports of recent times and the reviews we are getting on this subject have all been excellent.
I agree that the world we live in has made it difficult to do the things we used to do in the past when there were no men and women in high visibility jackets paring over your shoulder. We will soon be introducing new activities across the fleet and it may include the cast dancing outside of the showroom. Your Carnival Dream and the Carnival Splendor have deck parties that feature a show by the cast and these are very popular indeed. I like your idea of a beach party and thanks for taking the time to tell me about them. I hope you had fun and that image of you on the balcony was wonderfully written.
Best wishes
JohnDavid Templeman Asked:
Hi John, (Reply if you like)I just wanted to follow up on your response.
First, I have to say that I really wish that I would have had the chance to sail with you as our Cruise Director. It seems that you have a particular brand of humor (spelled correctly) that I would enjoy. I’ve been reading your blog now for a while and I find it both informative and funny.
I have to be fair in my review of “your” Carnival Dream and say that there were some real innovations that I found refreshing. First, the ability to view your pictures at those picture viewing kiosks (forgive me if there is a better naming convention for them). As a tech nerd, I think that it is a really cool idea that is long past due. Now… your placement of said kiosks needs some work. Why on earth you put them at the end of each picture display? People gather around them to see their pictures…. and where are they gathering???? That’s right, in the walkway around “The Dream” (or atrium… whatever you want to call it…). I think you could expand on that idea and maybe add the photo link to say an “intranet”… viewable from your cabin or something like that. It does raise some question about “theft”, but a good programmer would be able to write a nice interface to prevent that.
The Pasta bar was to die for. My wife is 100% Brooklyn Italian… and even she was extremely impressed with the food that came out of there (she’s a bit of a “sauce” snob).
The following is one of the “Little things” that I was referring to in my original trip report. One suggestion I would make, and I think it would add a lot to the “friendliness factor”. Upon our return to any other ship we’ve been on, when you walk aboard there was a bunch of smiling faces waiting inside that gangway with a quick “Welcome back, how was your day?” Even when you are dripping with sweat, sand in your shorts… etc. that really sets a tone for the rest of your day. Not ONCE did we hear a “welcome back” from the security, or any other staff upon return (that is until we saw Sparky our star cabin stewardess). It’s just an observation that me, and all my friends made.
Thank you very much for you offer to help us choose another cruise. This is why I keep coming back to your blog…. you’re a nice guy.
I’m researching another cruise for the 2012 summer season. Our friends and I agree that we all want to sail from NYC this time around… so we’ve been watching and waiting for the 2012 itineraries to be announced for the various lines that sail from NY… I really like the looks of the itinerary that the Caribbean Princess is doing (I know… it’s not a “Carnival ship”… but is still “Carnival”… right?)
Sending our best to you and your family,
Cheers!
David TemplemanJohn Says:
Hello DavidI have always wanted a “welcome home” sign placed over the gangway so that after a long non- air conditioned day ashore that sign says exactly what it should, that we are welcoming you home. So far I have never been able to get this approved for the fleet. It’s a small thing that I think would make a huge difference. Being in the security business these days is hard, very hard and I know that our security staff are not “programmed” if that’s the right word to make saying welcoming comments a priority. I am not trying to make excuses for them but it is a fact nonetheless……….I guess the same way as you rarely hear the airport security wish you a nice flight. However, there is though no excuse for the rest of the crew not to do this and bravo to Sparky for doing so. I will certainly make this known to the ship’s senior management. I am glad you found the new photos purchase system useful and we are looking to introduce this on other ships soon and make even more changes to our photo service. I agree with you by the way, it would be brilliant if guests could view their photos from the stateroom TV’s.
The Caribbean Princess is a beautiful ship and the Princess product is superb. I know that more and more of carnival’s 2012 season will be introduced soon. Please let me know if you have any questions and thanks so much for the kind words. I hope we do indeed get to sail together soon.
Best Wishes
JohnBill Heck Asked:
Hello John: Please ReplyThe planets are in alignment and we will take a family cruise on Carnival Conquest, Western Caribbean. We have a grandson that will be 15 months old and is coming along. There will be eight of us. Four cabins.
The Carnival website advises that babysitting is available from 10 PM until 3 AM. Hmmmmm.
I am wondering if there are any arrangements that can be made for babysitting during the evening dining?
I plan to have one night at the Steakhouse with the gang and don’t know how a 15 month old will fit in. He is on the verge of speaking American English and has a great set of lungs. He and his pit bull wrestle for a talking ball he has.
It is a lot of fun to review the day and plan the evening over the evening meal and everyone needs be included. But, apparently one person has to stay with the infant and miss the party. Maybe we can rotate.
Your Friend
Bill HeckPS. I still use the mouse pad with the two fat bastards and the good looking woman on it.
John Says:
Hello Bill HeckI remember that photo we took and I am glad to see it still has pride of place on your desk. Unfortunately we don’t offer babysitting during the dinner service hours as the staff are with the Camp Carnival kids having dinner on Lido Deck. They do offer babysitting from 10 pm – 3 am and on port days during the day as well. Now I know that it may seem a bit intimidating to take your grandson to the Steakhouse but you know what, it shouldn’t be. They will provide a high chair and I have every intention of taking Kye there next week so I will let you know how that goes. I am sorry that we can’t provide this service but I am sure things will work out. Do you need my help with table request? Please let me know if you need anything at all.
Best wishes to you and the family
JohnJaney – (OKGIRL) Asked:
John, (please reply)So much to smile about in today’s blog. My 1st two cruises were on the Festivale in 83 and 84, sadly I don’t get credit for one of them as my embarkation photo was lost in a fire
But you are right she was incomparable. And the Italian officers in their Speedo’s lounging by the pool made this country girl drool.
I am thrilled to hear that you and the girls will be on our Carnival Magic for her TA crossing. This will be a 1st for sister and I and I can’t wait for those 6 days at sea. We booked as soon as the schedule came out.
Since Galveston is my homeport I’m thrilled to be sailing our new ship back home. I am disappointed though that the ship is going to overnight in Galveston and then sail on Monday for a special 6 day cruise.
I wanted to B2B with the 1st cruise out of Galveston. Any chance that we can overnight on the ship and/or be part of the festivities that will be taking place in Galveston on Sunday?
Anyway, my menu selections would be Wilted Spinach & Mushroom salad, potato soup, Lamb and Bitter & Blanc.
Happy cruising, we’re 43 days out from our Conquest Crazies Cruise!!!!!!!!!!
John Says:
Hello Janey – OKGirlI was very happy to see that you are going to be on your Carnival Magic’s trans-Atlantic voyage. The six sea days will be crammed full of activities and I am already thinking about what we need to do to make sure that we have something for everyone. Unfortunately, the night before the first Galveston voyage is not part of our trans-Atlantic crossing sailing and therefore we will have to disembark everyone. Still, I know that Galveston is a wonderful place and maybe Host Mach will organize something ashore for the cruse crazies. I am so glad you are having fun reading the blog thingy and I will see you next year.
Best wishes to you and your sister
JohnSally Hardeman Asked:
Hi John–Love your blogs-they are great. Will be sailing with you on October 17, 2010 on the Carnival Splendor. This is my 2nd cruise with Carnival, first being on the Pride the year it first sailed-wonderful ship and vacation. I will be traveling with my friend Ann and are booked in Cabin 1058 on the Panorama deck. Currently we are on the waitlist for early seating-would it be possible to get a table with maybe 4 others by a window-would really appreciate it. Looking forward to meeting you and also a great cruise!!
John Says:
Hello Sally HardemanThanks for the kind words and I hope you continue to enjoy the blog. I will be seeing you soon and I know you will have a great time on the Carnival Splendor. I will certainly ask the Maitre D to see what he can do to accommodate your request.
I will see you soon.
Best wishes
JohnJoshua Glen Tibbs Asked:
John, PLEASE REPLY!I have finally decided to write on your blog to ask for your help. I was hoping that it wouldn’t come to this, but here we are. I booked the Carnival Magic May 22, 2011 sailing for our family. There are a total of six of us traveling. My partner and I are in one cabin, my parents in another, and my aunt and uncle in a third cabin. We did a lot of research and decided on the May 22nd sailing for two reasons. It was during the vacation weeks I have already bid for next year and because we were so excited about getting to visit Florence via Livorno after watching your video on the Carnival website describing the various ports of call for Europe. After booking a total of three cabins we decided to book our airfare through British Airways for next year so we could have all of our travel plans finalized. Much to our surprise, we received an email a few days after finalizing our vacation plans that our itinerary no longer included Livorno (Florence) and we were given the opportunity to rebook on another sailing. This is where it becomes frustrating. In order for us to rebook to another sailing, we would have to make a change in our airfares resulting in a $275.00 per person penalty for a total of $1,650.00. This does not include the difference in the higher cost of the airfare. I have contacted numerous individuals in the Carnival Guest Solutions office and no one has been able to help. I have asked for Carnival to pay the change fees in our airfare so we could rebook on another sailing. We were more than willing to pay the higher fare, but it is asking a lot for the guest to also have to pay a $275.00 change fee per person per ticket. I am frustrated because several responses have been “Well, you should have booked your airfare through Carnival”. I would love to do that, but when your costs are at least $400 higher per person I have to do what will save our family the most in the long run. In other words, it seems as if they are only taking care of the guests that booked their entire package with Carnival. I wish we would have been aware of the change before our airfares had been purchased. I am a Platinum member of Carnival and have always spoken very highly of Carnival. I work for an airline and am always praising Carnival to our passengers because of your wonderful service, but this situation is very disturbing to me. I relate the changing of a cruise itinerary to an airline itinerary. If a guest has booked a certain itinerary on Carnival, they expect to visit those specific ports of call to which they booked unless weather arises. The same is true for an airline itinerary. The airlines have never allowed, hypothetically speaking, a passenger to book a flight from Chicago to Baltimore and then have that particular airline to arbitrarily change their destination to Boston. It makes no sense!
I have rambled enough and am hoping you are able to give a little advice or possibly help us with this important matter. You are our last hope.
Sincerely,
Josh TibbsJohn Says:
Hello Joshua Glen TibbsThanks you for taking the time to write to me and I totally understand your frustration. I know we are working on a comprehensive excursion package from Savona and I will hopefully have details about this very, very soon. However, Florence and Pisa are around 150 miles from Florence so it looks like we won’t be offering any excursions there, I am so very sorry. Meanwhile I have sent your comments to one of our Vice Presidents and someone will be contacting you forthwith.
I know how disappointed you are and I am truly sorry for the inconvenience. I will though do everything I can once you are onboard to make sure that this voyage is one you will always remember. Please let me know if you need anything at all.
Best wishes
JohnStacey W Asked:
John (PLEASE REPLY),I wrote a month or two ago regarding the Carnival webcams (and didn’t see a reply yet) and also a few months prior to that (where you stated you thought the webcams were in working order, but in actuality, although there was a picture, it was from this fall and nothing recent- and you told me to contact you again if there were issues with them).
I know a lot of the people from Cruise Critic, and I’m assuming others as well, enjoy viewing the webcams and it’s (in my opinion) a valuable marketing tool (“Look…see all these people having a fabulous time onboard?!”). I’m confused as to why they’re not, and haven’t been, working consistently for the past 9 months or so (the Freedom and Liberty…Freedom has a picture that has the date on it from last month, and the Liberty has the correct date but no picture, just a little red “X” at the top left corner of both forward and aft cams).
I’m also curious as to why Carnival doesn’t have direct links to the ship’s webcams on the corresponding ship’s Carnival.com webpage (I’m looking at this website: http://www.kroooz-cams.com/carnivalindex.html) OR a page on the website for all the webcams. ???
Thanks,
StaceyJohn Says:
Hello StaceyI apologize because after checking it does appear that some of the webcams were frozen. I have just been informed though that this problem has been repaired and that all the cameras are working. We need to keep a better eye on this as you are correct of course when you say how important these webcams are. I am also told that we are working on having direct links from our carnival.com site so that everyone knows exactly where to go to find them. We certainly can and must improve in this area and we will. Please keep an eye on them and if you see any more problems please let me know.
Thanks again for letting me know about this.
Best wishes
John
That’s all for today and I will be back with more on Tuesday. There will be no blog on Monday as the office is closed for Labor Day weekend but I will be on my Facespace page with some little thingies throughout the weekend. I do though want to reply to this comment that was posted two days ago.
Tom
You have nothing to complain about. If you were in Afghanistan getting shot at every day and your kid looked out the window when you deported then you would something to whine about.Grow up!
John Says:
Hello Tom
Each and every week I am a CD on the ships I pay tribute to the men and women who have served and continue to serve. I would never ever dream of comparing what I do to what the brave men and women of the armed forces do. However, leaving my wife and daughter 5,000 miles away and the feeling of guilt that goes with that is something I will not apologize to you or anyone else for feeling. If it comes across as whining I apologize but I miss them very much as I do my parents. My apologies again for making you upset but telling me to grow up…….well if growing up means becoming a man who doesn’t miss his family then I hope I never do.
Let’s take a break shall we and while I grow up I am going to invite you to watch a British couple who were with me on stage during the Marriage Show. They have been married 68 years and as you will see, the lady is not frightened of saying exactly what’s on her mind.
Giving money to charity is one of my favourite things. I can see why Elton John’s and the Bonders of this world………….sorry…….the Bonos of this world are so into it. Watching money disappear from your Barclays account, and into that of some noble cause, is a rewarding and somewhat thrilling sensation. Wow, I think. That money’s now full of goodness and power. In my account, it would just get wasted on things like cigars and underpants. But now it’s in a place where righteous people will do good with it. Heidi and I sponsor a child in Africa and support a program for the homeless run by the Salvation Army.
It was then very frustrating for me to join the ship a few weeks ago and find out that there were 40 mattresses, blankets and clothing waiting to be disembarked to an orphanage in Mexico. As you know from a previous blog thingy this was due to El Redo Tapeo and the desire of Las Customs to charge massive amounts of money in duty. But thanks to the great idea from PA 007 our resident Superspy who suggested we contact the Florida Caribbean Cruise Association who cut through the el redo tapeo like a knife through hot butter………the duty was dismissed and in P.V. operation mattress could take place.
The captain and officers and I met with the people that run the orphanage and even the local newspaper sent a photographer to document what happened. What a wonderful feeling to be able to do something, just this little thing, to help these kids. Next week we have invited 20 of them to spend have lunch and a ride on the slide and that will be a thrill I am sure for them……….and us.
Here are a few photos and I should you warn you that these photos contain images of me in a pair of shorts. Viewer discretion is advised.
Yes Heidi………..that is really me doing manual labor.
Hurricane Earl is knocking on the door of North Carolina and the east coast. I know there have been some itinerary changes and that even as I write the marine operations department and the ship captains are looking carefully hour by hour and what needs to be done. There may be itinerary changes and I’m sure there will be a few who will shout and scream at anyone in a white uniform. The majority will though understand, expect and in fact demand that their safety is the number one concern……..which of course it is. Let us all hope that damage is light and that there are no injuries and that Earl buggers off very quickly.
It’s a difficult morning here in Cabo San Lucas or……not in Cabo San Lucas in this case. That’s because we missed the port today and are at spending the day at sea. It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining and yet the sea was full of swells. This meant that putting guests on a tender that is pitching and rolling is very dangerous indeed and so Captain Pagano decided to cancel the port. I feel truly sorry for the guests. Some had been up since 7 am waiting to get on the tenders for their excursions.
Most have taken it well however we have had a very vocal group of 10 people who have been extremely abusive to the Guest Services team. So I went down to the desk, pulled the group aside and let them have a shout at me. They did. I apparently am a *****ing **** s**t ****er. These sorts of things don’t get to me. I know they are upset and just want someone to shout and scream and swear at and I would rather than be me than a 20 something guest service associate. In between suggesting I fornicate with myself they told me that the only reason they took this cruise was to go to Cabo. Again, something I am familiar with and again that’s not true of course ….. it’s just frustration.
I do feel so sorry for the guests and we will keep them entertained. However, the guests I feel the most sorry for are Tyler and Kerry who were due to get married on the beach today in Cabo. They are next on my call sheet.
The guests though have had a great time I think and slowly I am beginning to understand the Californian guests. They are different though. I don’t want anyone to think that they don’t have a great time because they do. I don’t want anyone to think they don’t have fun and participate in the shows because they do. I don’t want anyone to think they treat the staff badly because they don’t and I don’t want anyone to think I am not having a brilliant time here because I am.
But there is no escaping that when you have an audience of mostly Californians that things are different. I have mentioned the casual smart dress code on elegant night but apart from that it is hard to document this with a specific. Personally I think it’s the laid back Californian way and I am learning more about that each day I spend with them here. But let me say once again, I am having a great deal of fun here and have some more changes to make that I think will suit the ship and the people that cruise here.
The Punchliner comedy club was in full flow this week and for the most part it was a big success. We had mostly very funny comedians, two of whom had not performed on a Carnival ship before. One will not perform on a Carnival ship again. But that aside there is no doubt that this addition to our fleetwide entertainment lineup is a huge hit with the guests and when you cruise please make sure you visit the Punchliner.
Now you see I was going to tell you how much I was looking forward to seeing Heidi and Kye on Sunday but after Tom’s posting I will give you a watered down version. I have missed them and like the little boy who has never grown up that I am ………….I cannot wait to see my girls.
So after spending 15 minutes on the phone today talking to Barclays security department (whom I think are all ex CIA and MI5) telling them my mother’s maiden name, my birthday, my post code and the secret password I was cleared to remove funds from an ATM and pop off in Mazatlan and get some toys for Kye. So off to the machine outside the Gift Shops on deck 5 I went but just as my hand moved toward the keypad to enter my pin, a voice in my head whispered: “You don’t know what it is you fat idiot.” And it was right. I didn’t. I scanned my head, but nope…….. My pin had vanished from my memory. It was gone.
I tried inputting something that seemed about right. “INCORRECT PIN,” said the screen. I slowed my breathing to clear my head. Rested my hand on the keypad a second time. Tried to remember. Performed a finger dance. “INCORRECT PIN”…..oh for f**ks sake. I knew a third guess would mean that I would be back talking to the KGB at Barclays again so I walked away.
I went back to the cabin, and tried to think. The number had to be in my head somewhere. After all, I’ve only got one card. One pin to remember. And I use it all the time when I am home in supermarkets, restaurants, ATM’s, even Latvian lap dancing clubs. I realised that I’d better remember it soon or I wouldn’t be able to function in modern society and Kye would indeed have just one of my socks and a solid gold plastic ship on a stick to play with.
Yet the harder I thought, the more elusive the number became. My brain had deleted it for no reason whatsoever. I knew it wasn’t a birthday or a memorable date like 19.5.80….the day I had my first proper grope of Sally Pool’s breasts. And so I had no choice but to call Heidi who obviously knows my pin. But this meant I had to tell her about the El Walmarto fiasco and the fact that I had forgotten my pin which would result in a bollocking. Which it did.
So with my pin number now written on a piece of paper which yes, I later destroyed, I returned to the ATM machine. I put in my pin number……it worked……I asked for $200……it buzzed and whirled as though it was making a cappuccino and then suddenly it stopped and my money popped out. I went to the El Walmarto and bought Kye things to have fun with and as I stood waiting for a taxi I decided to call Heidi and tell her that her thick husband had completed his mission. There was no answer at home and then I remembered she was going to a neighbor’s house for dinner. So I thought I would call her on her cell phone……but bugger me……….I couldn’t remember her number.
Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend and let’s close today’s blog with a thought and prayer for those in the path of Hurricane Earl
Goodnight and see you on Tuesday
John
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
Re: MDR Dancing
Being you asked, a recentb poll was conducted on Cruise Critic, and most stated they enjoyed it and wanted it to stay. The naysayers seemed to be able to know what the staff was thinking.
I CAN tell you on each and every one of our 15+ CCL cruises, each seemed utterly delighted, even moreso when our daughter started sailing with us.
Hello, my friend…
Please let me apologize for Beansey. Yes, there is a thread, actually a poll in a thread, and the results of the poll that asked ‘Should Carnival get rid of the waiter dance and shuffle?’ was 556 ‘Yes’ votes and 817 ‘No’ votes. Not that it makes a real lick of difference but a LOT more Cruise Critic members want to keep the dancing waiters than want them gone.
It really irritates me when folks on Cruise Critic think that being a member gives them some special level of authority over the decision making process at Carnival. Damn.
Stitch and I are so thrilled to know that Heidi and Kye will be along soon. Brilliant!
Thanks for answering Janey’s email. I think that we might be able to arrange some sort of bash for the Crazies when our new Carnival Magic arrives in the her new homeport of Galveston, Texas.
Our best to the girls. Have a brilliant time!!
Ciao!
Host Mach
Hi Mach,
I’ve seen the comments from folks who think that the waiters are forced to do the dancing and parades. Glad John clarified that it is totally voluntary and the extraverts that are the ones up on the platforms.
Personally, what is the difference from this than a group of waiters gathering around your table on your birthday and doing sily things to embarass you? Ever have to do the hoola-hoop at Hooters before?
Don’t fix what aint’ broke….the dancing & parades are fun. I love the way the staff gets the kids involved. It is a Carnival thing and negative people will always find something to complain about. Let them sail on the “Peace & Quiet and Boring of the Seas”.
Marty & Jeanne
Well put.
The waiters that we’ve had that danced loved doing it! Every so often you’ll see one who’s not into it but generally they seem to be having a great time.
Really, I can’t blame them. They have hundreds of folks cheering for them and snapping pictures. Our waiter on the Dream didn’t participate… said he was too old. Nope… no one forced him to do a thing.
John,
Great blog as always. We hope you NEVER GROW UP! You are perfect just like you are. Glad you got some money from the ATM, some toys for Kye AND, last but not least, some $$$$ for Mr. Patu and those infamous underpants of yours.
Have a wonderful time welcoming your girls to the Carnival Splendor. I think we can relax just a little as Hurricane Earl has lost some of it’s strength….hoping it stays that way.
We’ll be looking for some more fun on Tuesday.
Your OLD buddy,
Steve O
John we love you the way you are sad,happy mad, or upset. You have no reason not to be yourself on here. A few idiots shouldn’t ruin it for the rest of us that Love the true john heald. I don’t want a watered down version. We’ll maybe the dunked under the water bucket of the Carnival Magic John Heald but thats it!
So I had an idea for the complaint department! How about we have the Paddle the Cruise Directors bottom with a toilet bowl brush? Could be a daily or end of cruise event? Imagine that in the capers….damn it.. Fun times.
Big Fans as Allways,
Frank and Bridie
I’m so happy that your girls are joining you on Sun! As they are joining you, I’m jumping on the Conquest on the 5th and I know your visit is going to be better than anything I could come up with!
Peach
John, I get such a laugh from your blog thingy every day. As for the waiters dancing, we like it. I think back to the days when they marched through the dining room holding up the baked Alaska or wore the red, white, and blue, flamenco shirts, and the days when the waiters wore a different outfit every night. They always sang and danced and even got us up to do the hokey pokey or the macarena and march around the room and the last night’s patriotic songs. I realize that with today’s dining rooms on two floors that would be hard to do so let them keep dancing, especially as long as they enjoy it. Those guests who don’t like it can just leave.
I am so excited that we will be sailing with you on the Magic’s Transatlantic voyage to Galveston.
Joan
Hi John (no need to reply),
Great blog today (as usual)! The British couple married for 68 years was hilarious. It’s obvious how they’ve stayed married for so long…they both have a wonderful sense of humor (spelt correctly).
Glad things worked out with your bank card. Forgetting the pin is something that is also common. Perhaps you should change your pin # to the exact dimensions of Megan Fox’s bottom. I’m sure it will never ne forgotten again
Just wanted to send a note and keep active on with your blog. Things have settled down after our “Crossing Both Borders Tour 2010″. Hope you were able to see the pic of Jeanne and I at the “Bridge of Sighs” of Ontario…The Kissing Rock. Perhaps that British couple kissed there!
Have a great Labor Day weekend and enjoy your I’m sure, must anticipated visit by Heidi & Kye. It’s great they are able to come out and sail with you….more proof that Carnival is an excellent company.
Don’t know if this will work, but I wanted to share this with you (an e-mail forwarded to me from all people…my mom!). I’ll try & cut & paste it on here. I was looking for an e-mail address for you, but couldn’t find one on this blog. I undestand your e-mail server would crash with all the e-mails from your fans….you rockstar you. Anyway, here it is, if it works….
The history of the middle finger
I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn’t history more fun when you know something about it?
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as ‘plucking the yew’ (or ‘pluck yew’).
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since ‘pluck yew’ is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F’, and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as ‘giving the bird.’
IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.
Looks like the text transferred. Thought you’d get a kick out of it, as you are probably always looking for a new salute for the French.
Take care & fair winds & following seas (especially with Heidi & Kye on board)!
Marty & Jeanne
=
____________________________________________________________
John:
If someone MUST go to Cabo San Lucas, then they should fly. They know that…and if they don’t know that, they need to stay home.
But the reason they don’t fly is because the airfare (per person) is as much (or sometimes more) than a 7 day cruise. And that is just the airfare…once they get to Cabo, they would have to pay for hotels and meals.
Sometimes I wish people were required to take a course in TRAVELING -Common Sense 101.
Better yet, let them try to get off the ship, in those seas, into a tender….when the tender chopped the first person in half…the rest would decide they didn’t need to go to Cabo as badly as they thought!
Anyone who uses that many four letter words to express themselves is simply demonstrating that they don’t have the intelligence to handle a more complicated vocabulary.
Sorry you had to endure their ignorance.
Glad the PA007 was able to assist you. Giving back is indeed one of the responsiblities of those who are able. We have an orphanage in Saltillo, Mexico, an orphanage here in the US, St Jude’s Hospital, our church and a Seminary that we have supported for years. That runs about 12% of our gross salary every year….but I can honestly say (no matter what the economy does) we have never considered not giving it.
The next time we hear from you….there will be with a lift in your voice, as you will be back together with your family and all will be right with the world.
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
The web cam on the Carnival dream is down again
OK John a British firm did this study
Men waste more than $3,000 in fuel costs because they refuse to ask for directions when lost, according to a British study released as motorists across the U.S. prepare to load up their cars for the long Labor Day weekend.
The research, commissioned by British insurance company Sheila’s Wheels, revealed that male drivers travel 276 unnecessary miles each year because they stubbornly reject help when lost.
I am sure Heidi would agree.
I guess we all have to plead guilty
Papanh
John: Don’t let TOM THE IDIOT upset you. He apparently has no family or friends or no one cares about him! He has no heart. Yes, you should be excited about seeing your 2 beautiful girls, and we bloggers LOVE hearing about them, so don’t stop! TOM, quit reading the blog if you don’t like what John writes about. Believe me Tom, when I say NO ONE will miss you here! NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John, you know what they say about getting older, the memory is the first to go! So, don’t worry about not remembering your pin #, actually you can change it to a number that is significant to you, so you remember it. Mike and I use the year we were married. AND, I think you really didn’t forget Heidi’s cell #, and it is probably saved on your phone, you just didn’t want another bollocking right? HA! HA! Ciao, Linda
Spider ! Can’t be any worse than the 60′ish lady who wore an old swim suit at HMC. Salt water expands those things lose as a goose.
Spider my aspirin bottle . What I saw that day should never be revealed to any sane man.
I still have the nightmares and shakes.
Luv the blog !
dear john. first of all take no notice of the dodo who thinks you shouldn’t miss your wife and child.#$%&* him. i can say that even if you can’t. do i recall some mention of a round trip from san diego to hawaii and back in 2012?
please reply
ann from texas
TTFN
Ann there is a 15 day round trip cruise to Hawaii out of San Diego April 13, 2012. There is also one in Dec 2011 but don’t kbnow anything about that one as we are going on the one in 2012.
Carolyn and Don
My wife and i are booked on the Miracle Southern cruise departing Nov. 11. Our 35th anniversary is Nov. 14th. We have always sat wherever and with whoever we were assigned to be with. This time we would prefer to be seated at a table for two during this cruise. We are in room 1198 and have been confirmed the Early Dining time period. Would greatly appreciate any help you can provide in this matter. Thanks in advance. Love the Blog…
Robert,
You need to send this request about a month before you sail and put at the top “John, Please Reply”. By doing it a month before he will be able to do it for you.
Kathy M.
John (please reply),
I was wondering how the beards at Carnival come up with the names for the ships. What process did they go through to come up with “Carnival Magic” or even “Carnival Fantasy”?
Also, does Carnival accept ideas for ship names? You should hold a contest to name the next class of ships after the Dream class is done, like RCI did with Oasis and Allure.
Thanks,
Dave
Hello John,
My husband and along with friends sailed on the Carnival Liberty that sailed on Aug 21. We were lucky enough to beat he storms. It was my husbands 1st experience doing VIP embarkation as I’m 2 cruises ahead of him. We had a great time, weather was perfect. Kyle(CD) Mike & Brian were very entertaining. I did have a problem with a piece of luggage that was searched for liquor(none was found)cause all I had were bottles of H2O. The problem was that I also had some shoes in this bag and they failed to return one single sandle(I had bought this pair on a previous cruise) and a pair of sandles. I reported this to customer service and they were not helpful. I was forced to replace the one sandle with a new pair from the shop on board. I felt that they could of at least covered the cost of that one pair. I will also be writing to corporate using my nice PLATINUM stationary. If you could help I would appreciate it.54QF97 Lise
They would never have had reason to open your suitcase in the first place if the water had been in your carry on, as required! Personally, I think this one is on you, not Carnival.
I have to agree with Lea. Carnival tells you to carry water bottles in your carry-on and they tell you not to put them in your luggage.
John, please don’t ever change. Don’t ever apologise for missing Heidi and Kye. We all understand how lonesome you are for them and we admire you for going off 5000 miles away to support your girls. It allows Heidi to stay at home with Kye and be a full time mother. Not many Mummy’s are able to stay home and raise their children, but instead have to hand their babies over to day care or their grandmother’s to care for while they go out to help their husbands support their families and in some cases to support their families on their own as a single Mother. What you do is so unselfish.
So Tom whoever you are, to compare John to a soldier, he is no less lonesome nor does he miss them any less than the soldier that goes off to war. I admire our soldiers that are off protecting our nattion but The soldier is supporting his family in the way he feels he needs to to just as John is. So keep your thoughts to yourself! Go climb a wall…
Carolyn
We’ve always enjoyed the dancing the wait staff does. I’ve had the pleasure to dance with the bar wait girls on two different ships. It was the first time dancing during dinner for both of them. One of which we are still in email contact with. And have since seen her on a still different ship.
Please reply, John
Hi John,
Are porters really being instructed by Carnival to inspect luggage before accepting it? What kind of rubbish is that? I understand the liquor policy, but having porters as liquid police? Say it ain’t so.
Please see the Cruise Critic thread:
http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1266834
Regards,
bill
John, Please answer
John,
As a Californian and a Salvation Army officer who saves every month so his daughter can enjoy the Big Big Boat I want to thank you for your dedication to others. It shows in everything you do.
On a side note, why not take a couple days off next week to spend more time with your girls.
And for the record left coasters (Washington and Oregon included) are not more relaxed in our dress code. We just happen to think that shorts can be considered dressy. I tried to get married in shorts but wife said no. So after the reception I had shorts and teva’s on.
Kick back and have a diet coke. I will on Oct 25th when we go home and board the Carnival Paradise.
Keep the singing/dancing waiters!!!!! I love it! the Ja Ho has been a hit on the sailigns I’ve been on!!!
Dear John, (Please read and reply only if you need to)
Note: last item is a request
Since my husband and I don’t have a clue who to thank for all the wonderful surprises we had last week on our Carnival Triumph cruise, we will thank you and ask that you pass our appreciation on to the proper people. First, we were pleasantly surprised to get a call just as we returned from the life boat drill offering us an upgrade. My husband answered the phone but had difficulty hearing/understanding the young lady on the phone and passed her off to me. She asked if we’d like an upgrade to an outside cabin on Empress Deck. Now to be completely honest, as long as we are on the ship, we really don’t care which deck or where the room is. There are advantages and/or disadvantages (just according to whether you are a glass half full or half empty type person) to every cabin and every deck. I told her we had an outside cabin already. My husband realised what she wanted and said ask if the cabin had a balcony, so I did and she replied she thought it did and offered to show the cabin to us before we made up our minds since we told her we had already unpacked a lot of our stuff. Well the sweet lady took us to cabin 7425 one of the aft cabins with the wrap-around deck. Of course we accepted this absolutely wonderful gift. But we do not know who to thank. At first we thought our 3 children had arranged this wonderful surprise as our 45th anniversary present, but all 3 failed to take credit. The young lady told us that she had received an email from home office to offer us the cabin, probably because this was cruise 23 with Carnival for us. But someone had to bring us to their attention and we just refuse to think a mindless computer randomly selected us. We feel it has to be you or our PVP, Shay Hart who deserves the credit and we humbly and sincerely thank you for such an honour and such a beautiful cabin.
Next we had another surprise on our 4th night when we got back to our cabin after dinner. We had lovely letter from Noonan, our CD, stating you had asked him to send us a bottle of champagne and a 24-karat gold Triumph on a stick–which he did. (As a side note, Noonan was our CD when we did our family cruise last year. Our 10-year old Grand-daughter fell in love with him and named her new kitten after him–quite an honour from that still-hates-boys-stage. We were very impressed with his growth as a CD. In fact, his entire Fun Patrol Staff were excellent and handled a no-screen-for Bingo incident without a hitch.
Now in order for the sweet to be truly appreciated, you need a little sour. Ours came the second day of the cruise. The frame of my glasses snapped at the top edge of the nose piece and the lens just toppled out. I did not have a spare pair because my eyes are still adjusting from recent cataract surgery. We thought perhaps the jewelry department might be able to apply a dollop of jewelry weld to hold until we got home and I could make an appointment for new glasses. Well, Marco, took pity on me, took my glasses to the back and super glued the frame together–and it held until Day 5. They did not charge us for this invaluable service.
Also, after we received your lovely gifts, my husband gave me a beautiful pendant that needed a very fine chain, Once again the jewelry department came to the rescue. They did not have as fine a chain as the pendant needed so they put a ring thingy thru the pendant opening and hooked that to a beautifl white gold chain and I was able to wear my necklace right out of the store.
Carnival made our 45th anniversary cruise one that we will never forget and we want to personally thank each and every person who had a part in making it so memorable for us. Please, John, accept our thanks and pass them on to those who deserve credit.
Last, I wrote you some time back requesting your help in obtaining a table for our family of 10 on our October 23 sailing at the aft section of Deck 3 in the Paris Dining Room. We had tried to reserve a table in that area on our May cruise and our Matre’D said he was going on vacation and it was too early to reserve it in May. We asked our Matre’D on this cruise and he too will be going on vacation before we sail. Unfortunately, I could not remember our booking number (58RW99) so we left him our email address and our request for one of the tables facing aft since we thought it would help entertain our 11 year old, our 12 year old and our 6 month old grand children. Since you told me to remind you in September of our request and since I am writing you to thank you for all you have already done, I thought I’d add my request-reminder for our October 23 cruise for the table for 10 in this same email and not clutter up the bloggy thingy with two letters in one month. I will thank you and the Carnival Dining Room Staff for your help in this matter in advance. I have no doubt that you will do all you can to meet our request and we will know if we have a different placement, it will not be because you did not try you best. Thanks, John. You are truly Carnival’s best asset when it comes to guest satisfaction. BTW, we appreciate your honest love for your family and that you are not ashamed to declare it to one and all. We love that you share your family with us. It makes us feel like we are all one big happy family, and isn’t that what life is all about anyway?
John:
The know it all cc’ers don’t know Jack. Keep the dancers and singers in the dining room. It’s always fun to celebrate with a nice glass of wine, or, a cup of coffee after a great meal. I for one know that the greater dancers truly enjoy what they are doing. I have danced with several of them.
Best wishes to all for a happy holiday week-end. How nice for you that Heidi and Kye will be with you this week-end.
Marie
,First: John, I just love the music and dancing in the dinner room. The men & women who sing and dance are always putting forth a happy attitude which makes us also feel so happy. Never stop the enthusiasm..
Second: Tom if you don’t like it shove it. John please never GROW UP because you allow me to feel the same way which is caring and loving.
Third: Those people who bitched at you and the rest of the Carnival personal because they couldn’t get to Cabo San Lucas, how immature you were. You were just plain stupid.
Fourth: I can’t wait until Heidi and Kye arrive on the Carnival Splendor.
Paul F. Pietrangelo
I will agree that Tom’s comments were very selfish, but we really do not know what this man has been through. Please give him the benefit of the doubt. My husband chose to spend a year in Iraq with the Department of Defense, so I can relate! I can recall hearing incoming missiles while talking to him over the internet. However, we all have different life experiences and we ALL need realize that and be supportive of one another. I for one wish that there was not such nasty/negative comments posted here. Such a downer after enjoying a good laugh reading John’s Blog. Just booked the TA on My Carnival Magic! Can’t wait to see John, Heidi, and Kye in person!!!
Well that’s it then. You need to get your, how do you refer to it? “arse” tattooed with a spider. Then when you sit in your tidy whitees you can look at it in the mirror while you write.
HI John…Just love your new picture. Is this a clone of you. You look so good. Can’t wait to see you in person and check you out.. Keep counting the days for our first blogger cruise. Sending our love and all good thoughts to the Heald family. Pray they have a safe trip. Waiting for the details of the family reunion…Wil
The dancing is great! We look foward to it. From what I have experienced the staff enjoys dancing at dinner. Only once did we have a magician waiter do a disappearing act everytime the music started haha
John, please reply
I’m going on the Carnival Imagination in a few weeks (my 3rd on this ship/itinerary), and was planning on buying a few of the future cruise certificates, but just found out that they aren’t offered on my ship.
Are there other ways of getting these? I want to book 2 more cruises next year, and these would go a long way in helping me decide on the Itineraries.
Any information would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!
Robbie
John,
Have a blast with Heidi and Kye!
And as far as the dancers in main dining room…KEEP THEM!!!! LOVE THEM!!
Hi “John Please Reply Heald”
Love ur blog thingy! I’m cruising on the Destiny on Monday and it has been 5 years since I cruised on Carnival. Reading ur blog has eased my mind and made me wish I was actually in California so I wouldn’t feel awkward when everyone else around me is dressed up in prom dresses on formal night while I’m elegantly casual.
P I honestly think it’s just another old school tradition and hence should be kept. But I’m not old school and neither are Californians. Haha before I forget I’m actually reading ur blog on my Eye Phone while wearing underpants. And u don’t have to reply I just thought that was ur name for a while. Hopefully I’ll have a great time on Destiny since it will be raining all week thanks to all the tropical storms. I’ll let u know how it goes!
P.S. My husband has been deployed not “deported” 3 times to Iraq and reading how much you miss ur family reminds me of those feelings and I want to let you know to not feel guilty because it’s the same sacrifice! The way you feel is exactly how the soldiers feel. Military life has sacrifices and so does life on a ship. Have a great time with ur family!
We love the singing waiters. If we didn’t we go cruise on sodding Celebrity. Sodding is a sodding great word.
I just have to say that the waiters and waitresses dancing and singing in the dining room was absolutely one of the highlights of our week. We laughed so hard our stomachs hurt!!! Please don’t allow this party poop to put a damper on something that the vast majority of people on our cruise loved.
I was reading your spider story when all of a sudden I noticed a spider on the wall beside me. UGGGHHHH! He’s dead now I hope….lol
Tom: Go sail on “Something of the Seas” if you don’t like Carnival or John’s blogs….you’re the one who needs to grow up!
I love the singing and dancing of the wait staff in the dining room during dinner. Please don’t stop it!
By the time you read this, Heidi & Kye will be on their way to you. I hope they have a good trip.
Happy Labour (spelled correctly) Day everyone!
Have a wonderful reunion with Heidi & Kye!
Cindy :0)
Hi John Please Reply
Love your blog! My husband Herm and I had the honor of sailing with you the Carnival Freedom in Aug 2007 for our honeymoon and we had a wonderful time then. If only I could get all of those pictures we took scrapbooked it would be a miracle. We had baby in June 2008 so we are wondering if Carnival ever does a Kids sail Free promotion like that ship that is run by a mouse has every once in awhile? We took our daughter Emilia on the Carnival Sensation last November at 17 months and she had a wonderful time espcially flirting with our room steward. I am sure that she will have a better time on our next cruise as she is now old enough for Camp Carnival. I would love to be able to take her on another cruise.
I hope that we will be able to sail with you again someday.
Enjoy your time with Heidi and Kye! I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be away from them.
Ashley
Sir John, After a long hot day 116f, reading your blog thingy honeymoon story was just the laugh out loud I needed. I hope you enjoy your father’s day on Sunday. Can’t wait to sail on the Happiest Ship at Sea with you as CD in a few weeks.
Cheers, Craig
Mr Heald;
(please reply)
I wrote you several weeks ago and may have forgotten to include the ‘please reply’. Perhaps this is why it fell through the cracks.
I am sailing on the Carnival Liberty western sailing, on September 25 (annual birthday cruise). Cabin # 2473 (I LOVE this cabin configuration). I am also a platinum member.
With over 50 cruises (various lines) I am surprised I never had the pleasure of sailing with you. The CD certainly makes the trip! (Also the Piano bar must have a good lively personable person).
My question is this… I always sail as a single. Most of the time I go by myself *(and enjoy it that way) BUT…
At MDR seating… I usually choose late dining and find that I am usually seated with older couples and being single always feel like the 3rd wheel. While I am a young 50 something y/o, most my friends are in their 20s-30s. (I guess I feel younger being around the youth).
On many sailings I have gone to the maitre’d and asked about who my tablemates were PRIOR to dinner to avoid the embarrasement of arriving at my table and then asking to be moved. I did this a few times and received some interesting (?) comments and stares later on the cruise by those I chose NOT to sit with.
Is there any way to pre arrange seating with more youthful single folks?
Any assistance you can provide would be appreciated especially as this is my birthday cruise.
Thank you in advance….
Daniel Grief
John, I agree with most of the posters:
You handled the spider thing well – she shouldn’t expect a refund, and probably wouldn’t had she not be traumatized.
KEEP the waiters singing/dancing at dinner. We get SUCH good photos, and the servers we’ve known have always enjoyed the attention. I really can’t believe that it was just a coincidence that on 8 cruises, 8 different sets of servers were the only ones who enjoyed the routine.
As for Tom, I feel sorry for anyone who thinks their trials are worse than everyone else’s. I’ll bet your response made him realize he needed to re-think.
Keep up the good work – you’re obviously well-loved – and reading your blogs and FB comments are a highlight for many of us!! Enjoy your time with your family.
JOHN PLEASE REPLY
Hi John
Missing you here in Thorpe Bay.
Love the dancing and singing at dinner time, and thanks for a great blog/video today.
John we have had to change our Magic booking till Aug 26 instead of july, our friends and family are joing us are all hoping you will be sailing with us at that time. Now the question…
I am thinking of booking the May 1st sailing for just Dave and me (birthday treat to myself) do you know if the naming ceremony will take place on that venice cruise or wait till it arrives in barcelona. Its probably to early to know but if you hear anything regarding this can you keep us informed.
Many thanks, take care and hope Heidi and Kye have sa safe journey.
michelle and gang
Just make the code your wife’s birthday, Or have you forgot that as well”"”"”??????
JOHN PLEASE REPLY SEMI URGENT
I HAVE BEEN READING YOUR BLOG EVERY CHANCE I GET IT MAKES MY DAY, HOWEVER I HAVE NEVER HAD THE NERVE TO RESPOND AS I AM TODAY ONCE AGAIN I AM BOOKED TO SAIL ON THE MIRACLE 10/06/10 THIS WILL BE MY 14TH CARNIVAL CRUISE AND MY 4TH ON THE MIRACLE THIS CRUISE I WILL BE JOINED BY MY SON AND HIS FINANCE HIS 4TH CRUISE HER FIRST. EVERY CHANCE I GET I TELL THEM ABOUT ALL THE FUN WE HAVE ON THE CARNIVAL CRUISES AND WE HAVE TRIED ALL RCI NCL AND THEY DONT COMPARE I DO HAVE A FAVOR TO ASK WE ARE EARLY SEATING AND WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A TABLE FOR FOUR BY THE WINDOW IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND I WOULD APPRECIATE THIS VERY MUCH. MY CABIN IS 5189 AND MY SON IS 5185 THANK YOU AND KEEP MAKING MY DAY NO MATTER WHAT SOME A_____ES CRITIQUE YOU FOR
Hi John:
I had the most fantastic waiter on the Carnival Splendor back in February: Camilio (not sure if that is the correct spelling though). I did notice that some of the waiters did not seem to enjoy the dancing and kind of moved half-heartedly – but not Camilio. Not only was he the best dancer – he led the singing in the Gold Pearl Dining room several nights.
I am not sure if he is still on the Splendor as I know that his wife had twins back in the Philippines during our cruise and he was heading home to see them. If he is still on board – make sure that you tell him that his dancing and singing made my cruise extra special.
Alison
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Hi John,
Please Reply,
I know I told you of the wonderful time my brother had on the Carnival Paradise, but the one thing he commented on was how much the staff in the dining room enjoyed the singing and dancing for the guests. He then proceed to tell me about an incident that happen when he was on a RCL ship. One of the waiter’s took the microphone and said that the Maitre ‘D made over $6,000 a month and the waiters earned $5.00 a day and that is when he told the Maitre D where he could take the job. My brother said that even before this happened you could feel the tension in the main dining room. I know my brother was surprised at the amount the Maitre D earned, so he did not give him a tip on that cruise, but he did tip “007″, because he took the time to come by every night and ask how everything was and he also asked if we needed anything. Like I told you, my brother and sister-in-law are hooked on Carnival.
Please give a hug to Kye from one of her American Aunties and also give mu love to Heidi.
From your #1 Bloggy Thinggy Fan
Kathy M.
Dear John, I for one love the dancing and the parade. I do not see any the staff that hate it. It is obvious that
the posters on CC are the ones that hate it since they talk about it so much. If they do not like it, then leave after dinner, problem solved and the rest of us that do love the dancing can stay and enjoy it.
As for Tom, he should mind his own business. He should also not come here as it is obvious that he does not care about how you are feeling when it comes to missing your sweet baby Kye. To have the
audacity of telling you to grow up, I say to Tom, shut up.
I am sure the abusive Tom posts on CC too. Again, I say, you can not fix stupid.
I am glad that you were able to get your PIN number and buy your precious Kye a present. I am sure Tom will have something to say about that too.
Keep smiling John; you truly are one of the good guys.
My best to Heidi and Kye who will be with you very soon.
Dear John, Please Reply:
My parents just returned from a 5 day cruise on the Triumph. I was disappointed to learn that the staff on the Triumph still don’t have their act together in terms of getting Platinum self-assist guests off the ship first, as promised. My parents went to the main show lounge, as instructed on the letter they received in their cabin. Debarkation was begun without allowing the platinum guests to get in line first. By the time they realized the other guests were already leaving the ship, they had to fight their way into line, and they ended up behind about 250 guests waiting in line to clear Customs.
We have had this happen several times as well, and it really puts a damper on the debarkation experience. For us, one of the top perks of being Platinum is being able to get off the ship in that first group. It saves quite a bit of time, and with two young children, it is definitely a wonderful thing to breeze through Customs in the first group of 10 or 20 people. We will be on the Triumph with our children September 11-18, and I certainly hope the staff takes better care of its Platinum guests during debarkation than they did this past Thursday. This should be a perk we receive automatically; we should not have to repeatedly seek out staff members to make sure they follow through with the appropriate debarkation protocol.
We love Carnival, and we can’t wait to board the Triumph next weekend!
John- I’m a horseback rider,sometimes I see spiders in the barn. people just leave silly comments to Carnaval. I hope that Kye has fun sailing the seas. Make sure to put pictures of Kye, I would like to see how grown up she is.
Dear John,
(Please reply)
We are writing to let you know the Planets have finally aligned for us! Three things are about to happen in October on the Carnival Splendor.
1) Two years from the date of my first cruise, we will turn Platinum on the Carnival Splendor. We slipped in a cruise this month, just so we could be Platinum on the Splendor with you.
2) We will finally have you as a CD. We met you on the Carnival Dream’s transatlantic voyage, when you were kind enough to come and meet with our Transatlantic Dreamers CC group.
3) And our third anniversary. We have cruised for each of our anniversaries since getting married.
Looking forward to seeing you again, and have you as a CD for the first time. Wont be the last though as we are already booked on the Oct sailing of the Magic for our next anniversary.
We too, love reading your Blog, and hope you will be able to continue for many years to come. With any luck, your two lovely ladies will still be with you, when we get there, and we may be able to meet them also.
Shane and Janet
John, I know you have been asked this question before, but I’ve not seen a response from you so here is the question again. Does Carnival have plans to change the Platinum guest gifts? We have a number of picture frames, stationary etc. I appretiate the gifts, but I think an OBC would be a better gift for us. Or maybe a list of gifts to choose from.
We sail on the Dream Dec 11 2010, it will be number 16 cruises in 4 years.
We sailed with you on the Dream 2009, had lunch at the beach with you in Tortola. Wife/Me and 75 other cruisers. Remember??
Thanks
DAN
JOHN… PLEASE REPLY…
Today is the day that your girls joined you so I thought this would be a good time to ask you for a favor once again… Let me tell you first that I have goosebumps for you because I know you are sooooooo happy right now to have Heidi & Kye on the ship with you and if you’re happy, we’re happy…
My parents, Marty & Naomi (Grandma & Poppy) are once again cruising ( their 24th Carnival Cruise) on the Carnival Miracle 10/18.
John, They don’t want a Ship on a Stick, they don’t want a bottle of champagne, they don’t want a fruit basket and even through they are married 56 years, they don’t want to be in the Marriage Show!!! All they need /want is a table or booth (which they would like better if available) for just the 2 of them where it is easy to get to and still be able to watch the Waitstaff do their nightly dances. For whatever reason, they like to eat just the 2 of them unless they are with the family…
As you have helped us in the past , I just want to remind you that Naomi is using an electric scooter but can walk a little bit to the table. If you could/would please once again put this request in for them, it would again be most appreciated.
And yes, the rest of family is jealous that they are going without us but we already have our next (my 20th, their 25th cruise booked for March 2011)…
I also want to tell you that I became “your friend” on Facebook even through I have felt like your friend for years… I love knowing what you are doing and whats going on during the day so please keep on “facebooking” (is that a word???)… Although I do hate when you end your posts with “Wish you were here” because it makes me so jealous that I’m not…
Once again, thank you for your help with this and I hope you are having a great day…
Information… Carnival Miracle 10/18/10
Statement…. 4202
Booking #……_______
And being Platinim, they are confirmed for early seating….
Luv U
Dear John (please reply),
We have a couple of questions for you. We feel that you are one of the few that can possibly answer them. So here it is, my wife and I are trying to remember some of the things from our original honeymoon cruise, to put in an album. Our honeymoon cruise was back in February 1990 on the Jubilee. We had a great time, especially the pillow fight on the pole part. (Maybe we’ll have to post a pic of it on your facebook page). The bet between my wife and I is back then there was a marriage show, I say that it was the newlywed game and she says that it was just like todays marriage shows. Is it possible for you to tell us what Carnival did on their ships all those years ago?
Been loving the blog since we found it. We are booked to sail on the Splendor on the Dec. 19th cruise. So we’re sorry that we will just miss you. My wife and I just couldn’t wait for that cruise, so we scheduled another one out of Tampa on the Legend on 9-26-2010. We are trying something new on this cruise, we went for an aft balcony and on the Splendor we are doing a spa balcony, both new to us. On the Legend our cabin is 7349 on the Splendor it is 1036. I hope both of these are great locations. Our daughter thinks we have lost it, because we scheduled another cruise this year. We told her our goals are to come home with a coconut monkey head cup (I understand that I’ll have to find one of these early on in the cruise, because they go fast) The other goal is to come home with a ship on a stick. We plan on having fun trying to win one, but if you want to help clue us in it would be much appreciated.
Thanks for the great entertainment,
Bruce the flyer
Hi John,
Great Blog !!!!
Just curious about the clip of the couple married 68 years .. what cruise was this from?
Thanks
Crystal
Crystal.
John is presently on the Carnival Splendor. Can be figured out from there.
Bon Voyage to Us !!!
Sailing on Carnival Triumph Today!
http://www.zydecocruiser.com/CarnivalTriumph/index.htm
John – Please respond
I have been away 2 weeks on the Carnival Liberty and I still have not had the time to catch up on the past blogs, but I had to take a moment and write a short review of our trip.
First I have to say a great big THANK YOU for the goodies left for us. My son was so excited to get a Liberty Statue to add to his growing collection. Of course at 10 he ‘collects’ everything. Just you wait. LOL
Kyle Post was a Wonderful CD. Energetic, fun and tireless! When I went to thank him for the letter and the gifts, he remembered who I was, why I had thought my sister was the best and that her birthday was the following week. I was VERY impressed with his ability to recall all this and make it sound very casual and conversational. What a great guy! My entire family had a great time with Kyle!
The first week we had Chuleekorn in the dining room (Silver) and I have never had a better wait staff. She was spot on with every meal and still had time to entertain beyond compare. My son had a bit of a crush and she danced with all! She is a true treasure and I hope you let her know we appreciated her and hope to have her again someday! Justino was our steward and was also unbelievable. To take care of a family our size and make everyone feel special and important is an amazing talent. He could not have been better. The second week, our waiter and steward ( Sirrathep and Naparrat SP?) were very adept and capable and they did a great job, but the first week, Chulee and Justino definitely set themselves above the norm. Wow, outstanding!
My husband won dinner for 2 at Harry’s Steakhouse and it was something I will definitely do again on EVERY cruise. However, I will have to save it for the end of every cruise so as not to be spoiled for the dining room food. Not that the dining room food isnt great, it is! But Harry’s is SOOOOO good! Do not miss, good.
I cannot tell you what a great time we had. Words do not express. Every day was special and exciting. Me and 3 other family members chose to purchase future cruise credits and they were all first time cruisers!!! I still have one booked and ready to go, but now this guarantees another! Woohoo!
John, again, thank you for everything you did to make this last 2 weeks some of the best days of our lives. Great, great memories!
Hi John,
I know you are enjoying your girls visiting you this week. I am very happy for you. Hope the weather is accomodating.
I have to say something……I don’t understand why people come on to your blog and read it and then complain about it. PLEASE, don’t come to Johns blog thingy and write bad comments about him. He shares himself with us, and we love him for that. John does not have to do this, it is done on his own precious time.(and in his underpants) Think what you may, and then move on. We dont need the negative comments here.
Now, as you ask that requests are one month in advance, I have a dining request, please. We are sailing Carnival Dream on Oct. 16th, and we have a fitting problem, literally !!
My husband is “extra medium”, so we would like to request a table for two in the dining room, not a booth. We are confirmed at early seating. Celebrating our 34th anniversary, so really want to just have the two of us at our table if possible.
Our cabin number is 7202
Booking #______
Dream sailing Oct.16th, 2010
Thank you John,
Stephanie (345?)
Dear John -reply if possible
You have mentioned the opening of the Red Frog Pub.
I think its a great idea if it is more then an oh so clever marketing idea . Is Carnival going to include draft beer preferably brewed on board ? Is there going to be decent sports channel available? If not then you’ll have a cute name but not much else.
Absolutely love your blog and for those who demand you adress all possible ills here – tell them to have their own blogs.
Hi John (please reply)
First of all I think Tom need to grow up! Missing family is hard, I know my son is on deployment.
Anyways I have a couple of questions I would like to ask you. We are going on the Freedom on 10/23/10. There was suppose to be 8 eight of us, but now we are down to 4. My mother in law was going to take her 4 boys and spouses on a cruise for her last wish, she was diagnosed with cancer. Anyways she can not be with us because of not being strong enough to travel and others will not go because she is not going. My mother in law and father in law were both going with us last year on the Glory, but my father in law passed away in June of 2009
Now for my questions, when we booked the first seating was full for the 8 of us so we got my time dining. It there a certain dinning room that we go to for this or can we chose each night were we want to go. Also could you please let me know what nights for formal. My husband and I always do them, but not sure of the others since this is there first cruise. This will be our 4th or 5th. The funny thing is that the day we get off of this cruise is excaly 1 year since we got on our last cruise.
I see that Ryan in the CD, loved him on the Glory last year and enjoyed the comedy club. Can’t wait for the cruise to start, but wish everyone would be with us.
Enjoy your time with Kye and Heidi.
Jane M Smith
I love the dancing and parades in the dining room. I’ve had far more waiters who looked like they were having fun than waiters who looked embarrassed. Some of them really get into and seem to enjoy it. If any guests don’t like this tradition, it’s not like it’s a surprise when it’s coming so that you can step out of the dining room.
John,
Please don’t let Tom’s comments bother you. As the wife of a deployed soldier, I would never want someone to have to go through the agony of being separated from their family for extended periods- regardless of the reasons. If he is in the military (which I have to doubt since he said deported instead of deployed) he is probably just very bitter. If he is not- then he can’t possibly understand. As much as I love and miss my husband I know it is his job and his duty. We made the decision together for him to re-enlist in the Army and made it knowing that he would have to deploy. I miss him terribly and worry everyday but know that is part of the life he has chosen.
So, please don’t worry about saying how much you miss your family. I make people on Facebook endure me talking about it so you go ahead and vent (we all need to once in a while!)
****Please respond****
Hi, John, we are home from our wonderful vacation on the Carnival Splendor (sail date 8-29-10). As far as doing a review, I’m not very good at that, because I simply don’t remember details real well. I can tell you, however, that everybody in our group had a great time!
My first impression of the ship was “Oh MY! This is very bright!” I got used to the décor, as the week went on. The crew was delightful, with the exception of our dining room server. You received a note, regarding his service, while we were on the ship. I didn’t go to the Maitre D immediately, because it was little things, and I thought “Oh, well.” However, the little things added up. Everyone in our group has cruised with Carnival numerous times, so we knew the level of service to expect. Having said this, it did not ruin our cruise!
Now I would like to mention a couple of people who were exceptional! I spent a great deal of time in the casino, and had several opportunities to visit with Vlad. What a nice young man. Please tell him that Darlene, from Texas, says Hi. The other person who stood out was Ronald, the bar server in the Grand Piano. He took real good care of our group!
I would like to thank you, again, for the nice gifts that you sent to our cabin. You are so thoughtful. Thank you for all the laughs you provided, during the week. The bedtime story was hilarious. You do have a knack for picking the right people to participate on stage.
My one question… According to my records, my next cruise will be platinum, and it will be on the BC4! Who can I contact to verify this information?
When catching up with your blog, I read about the donation of the mattresses, while in Puerta Vallarta. How wonderful!
Also, regarding missing our port at Cabo San Lucas. Our cabin was located directly above where they were trying to secure the platform/tender. The Captain absolutely made the right decision! For those who say that they booked the cruise just to go to Cabo, they should have flown there! Problem solved!
Let me end by saying how happy I am, knowing that your girls have joined you! All is right in your world!
Sincerely, Darlene
PLEASE REPLY!
I am reporsting this from a few weeks ago because I did not know about the whole “Please Reply” thing..
John, my wife & I love the blog thingie! We are going on our 4th cruise (all with carnival) on board the Elation sailing Sep 20th. Our last cruise was last November on the Fascination and we met there two of our favorite Carnival employees EVER – Lorraine Ingle in the Piano Bar and Rob the golf pro (or as the wife called him, “Handsome Rob”)
We have our 5th cruise booked for Feb 7th 2011 on the Inspiration out of Tampa but were hoping to find out what ships Lorraine and/or Rob might be scheduled to be on next Spring summer – can you help us find that out or tell us a bit about who the golf pro and/or piano entertainers are on the Elation or Inspiration? We are big Piano bar fans and a good piano entertainer can make or break your after-dinner entertainment plans on-board!!
Thanks!
John– Please Reply
John,
We wil be joining you on the first cruise of our Carnival Magic on May 1, 2011. We can’t hardly wait, however, In my research of things to do in Venice, I have discovered that May 1st is the equivalent of America’s Holiday, Labor Day. This being a Sunday as well, I was wondering what effect this may have have on the city itself, the vaporetto drivers, the cruise port terminal employees and restaurants on that day? Some websites have said that many shops and restaurants close! What can you tell us?
Mike
John,
I would like to thank you for your help getting a small table on our cruisse aboard the Conquest. It was verynice being able to sit down asa family and eat dinner. thank you so much.
Justin
Dear John,
Please keep the dancing and parades in the main dining room. It’s something I look forward to every evening (in addition to some of my favorite Carnival menu items of course!)
My 4-year-old daughter LOVES to dance with our waiters, too, and they always seem to enjoy having her accompany them in the routine. I was proud and amazed at how well she kept up with the “Bollywood” and “YMCA” routines on the Carnival Dream this past May! She definitiely didn’t get her mama’s lack of rythm! I even caught a few passengers at nearby tables snapping photos of her dancing. LOL!
Tom’s rude “grow up” comment really didn’t deserve any acknowledement, but kudos to you for being the more mature person and addressing it in a concise and direct manner. Good for you!
Laura
Hey John,
Repond or Not
Just boarded the Carnival Spirit. 9/7/2010. Wanted to say thanks for table for 2 that we requested. Also chefs table reservations . Thanks again will update after cruise.
Preston n Judy
John (please reply as time allows),
First off, once again thanks for all you do and taking the time to have this Blog regularly. It really is a valuable resource for those of us who are “learning the ropes” of the Cruise Vacation.
I was looking through the list of soft drinks on Carnival Ships and was not able to see any type of Root Beer on the list. I know that this is more of an American drink, but does Carnival have any plans of adding it in the future?
I know that I can bring a 12 pack in my carry-on with me (as well as my botle of wine!), but was just curious as to if this request has been submitted before and if there were any plans to add it as a drink option?
Sincerely,
Erik V.
John,
We really enjoy and actually look forward to the nightly entertainment at dinner. They make us or our children a part of the show and that’s a great joy. As you said, it’s a chance for them to shine as well. Please do not remove this from the dinner time.
Thanks
Mike & Lori