For the past few day’s I’ve come into your world and had a good old moan about……… well everything. I’ve complained about the mad professor who thinks that the Mayans know the end of the world is just around the corner. I’ve whined about how much I miss my girls and the US dollar falling quicker than Paris Hilton’s underwear on a Saturday night or any night for that matter. I’ve looked under every conceivable stone and been grumpy about everything I’ve found.
Well not today. As I write, the sky is a vivid blue and the guests are excited to explore the beaches of Cabo and swim in the tanzanite blue waters of the Sea of Cortez…
Our blog has over 7,500,000 views, my Facebook thingy has 6,000 fans, my beautiful daughter Kye is healthy, my wife is happy and I am going to ask Carnival for a raise….and if they say “no” I shall just sell my body on the corner of promenade. So, as a result of all this, I’m in something quite unusual. I’m in a good mood.
I can’t even get my knickers in much of a twist about the fact that we had to interrupt the tender service this morning because of the swells and move the boats from port to starboard side. In fact, I’m so cheerful I might even give the mad professor a lounge tomorrow so he can talk to the zero guests who will come and listen to him. I’d extend happy greetings also to the health and safety people who have decided that we can no longer do any pool game that involves the guests jumping in or diving under the water. Nope, I am in a good mood today and send my best wishes to everyone the world over………..apart from the French…….obviously.
So while I often moan and gripe here I need to remember how lucky I am and remind myself what a brilliant cruise line Carnival is and last night in the cigar bar I was given reason to be cheerful. After the bedtime story I went to the cigar bar. I did so on my own not caring for once about being Billy No Mates but because I just fancied a cigar and because I didn’t really feel like going back to an empty cabin……..it was the Latvian’s day off. So down I went and after a few moments of peace and a Monte Cristo I was approached by two male guests also with cigars in hand. They had eaten in the steakhouse and had laughed so hard at the bedtime story. Both of these forty something chaps were here with their wives and children and both worked for United Airlines as pilots. Both said that they were having a brilliant time and value for money…. “This could not be beaten.”
So, there I sat with two Brietling-wearing professionals who realised they wanted value for money ……..they gave us a try…….and as they both said “we will be back”……brilliant. Oh and it was nice not to sit on my own…..cigars were meant to be smoked in good company. So, spread the word. Value for money is what all walks of life deserve these days…….. Whether its food, cars or Carnival cruises…..but not toilet paper. ….don’t get the Publix value packs …..$2 for 12 rolls……they are great value…..but only if you’re okay with dirty fingers and a machine sanded arse.
You didn’t think this was going to be a blog without a poo or arse reference………did you? So let the good mood continue as we do today’s Q and A………..tally ho.
BETTY WILLIAMS Asked:
DEAR JOHN (PLEASE REPLY)YOU ARE A MAN AFTER MY OWN HEART, YOU LOVE MY MUSIC–SMOKE ON THE WATER BY DEEP PURPLE. IF THAT SONG DOESN’T GET YOUR HEART TO BEATING- THEN NOTHING WILL! I LOVE THAT SONG SO MUCH THAT IT’S MY RING TONE ON MY CELL. I CALL MYSELF SOMETIMES JUST TO HEAR IT.
YOUR SO MUCH FUN JOHN, I ENJOY YOUR BLOG EVERYDAY, IT BRINGS ME A GOOD GIGGLE.
THE REASON I AM CONTACTING YOU IS BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TOO. BACK A FEW MONTHS AGO I ASKED IF IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE TO GET A BOOTH ON THE UPPER RAIL ON THE CONQUEST AT THE 6PM SEATING. WE WILL BE SAILING NOVEMBER 7TH AND OUR CABIN NUMBER IS 6391. WE WERE SEATED THERE IN 2008 AND IT’S A REALLY GREAT PLACE TO WATCH EVERTHING THAT GOES ON. I ENJOY THE DANCING AND SINGING WAIT STAFF TOO.
ALSO I HAVE A QUESTION, WE ORDERED OUR EXCURSIONS ONLINE. WHERE DO WE GET OUR TICKETS? ALSO WE ARE APPROVED FOR THE CHEF’S TABLE, WHEN DO WE GET THE TICKET FOR THAT?
WELL I GUESS I’VE RAN OFF AT THE MOUTH LONG ENOUGH. SAY HELLO TO KYE FOR US AND WE HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON ON THE MAGIC
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND HAVE A GREAT DAY
John Says:
Hello Betty Williams,I am a huge Purple fan and along with Smoke on the Water my favourite (spelt properly) tracks are My Woman from Tokyo and Highway Star. Anyway, enough of that and let’s move onto your cruise. Any tickets that were ordered online will be delivered to your stateroom sometime during Sunday evening. They will contain the time and meeting place so please check them carefully. I will certainly ask the maitre d to do his best to assist you in your seating request. Have a great cruise.
Best wishes
JohnYonkers1 Asked:
John,Cruise Critic has a thread now about children on your ships running riot and spoiling the experiencing for everyone who does not travel with children. As so many members have agreed to this OP I think Carnival should be listening to what we say and provide a ship that is child free. This is the opinion of the majority.
John Says:
Hello Yonkers 1,Just before I reply I want to apologise if I misinterpret this post because I am not sure what “OP” means and I hope that it’s not an important part of the subject. That aside I responded to a very similar comment yesterday where I mentioned that while I understand that some do not like children sharing their vacation time, Carnival will not be moving away from our policy of encouraging families to sail with us. I do want to reiterate that while we do have some naughty children at times your description of “running riot” is a bit harsh. Most of the time the children we have onboard are well behaved and cared for by the superb children and teen programs we have across the fleet. So while I appreciate your comments and those of other fellow Cruise Critic members please know that we will not be banning children from any of our ships. I hope you will consider coming onboard soon for a fun for all experience and if you have a follow up please let me know.
Best wishes
JohnBarry Asked:
John (please reply)About twenty years ago my wife and I had the pleasure of your company on our very first cruise. This was on the Ecstasy, which at the time was I believe, the newest and largest ship in the Carnival fleet. Following a second cruise a few years later, having a family (welcome) and other events (less welcome) have interrupted our cruising career… until now. The decision to bring the Magic (again Carnival’s newest and largest ship!) to the Mediterranean next year presented an opportunity too good to miss and we will be introducing our two daughters (then 15 and 12) to the joys of Carnival cruising on the Grand Med on 14/08/2011 (the correct way round). Learning that the Magic will be under your cruise directorship is a very large cherry on our cake and we are all really excited about our first family cruise.
One question if I may. Why is entry to the Magic “naming” competitions restricted to US residents? It took me hours to come up with “Made with the finest hops…” and then I found I wasn‘t allowed to enter!
Anyway, would it be OK if I contacted you nearer the time to perhaps organise a little something for the girls? If not, I will tell them it means you don’t like them (yeah, I’ve seen the “magic medal 10 Euros under the pillow” piece).
Kind regards,
Barry
John Says:
Hello Barry,I wanted to say how honoured and humbled I was to read this posting and I am very excited to hear that you and your family will be joining me on your Carnival Magic next year. Yep, the competitions are only open to US Citizens and that’s not quite fair is it? I have been asked this a lot and the answer I am told is that contests like this have a 18 and over rule in Canada and so we were unable to make it available to anyone outside the United States. I will be happy to make sure the girls get a welcome gift so please make sure you drop me a note when you board at the Guest Services Desk and I will make sure we meet and they get something under their pillow.
Best wishes and see you all soon.
JohnCapt Fred Asked:
John, Please replyHigh John. Long time reader, sometime writer. First, my wife and I are travel agents and starting Oct 11, 2010 we will be on the Triumph with our back to back group cruises out of New Orleans. Ye Ha. We have about 75 people ready for fun
Question. I read your blog about needing more things to do on your some of your sea days. I’m not sure if you want to answer this on the blog or email. Six Star Entertainment wants to sign me up as a special Interest speaker for cruises. The problem is, they don’t supply speakers for Carnival. I’m a platinum member and always try to book my groups on Carnival. I speak all over the country on many subjects. I have a presentation called Body Guard to the Stars. I get great comments on it where ever I speak. I have been in Law Enforcement for over 30 yrs. I do a power point presentation and talk about my Body Guard experience and the many things I learned when I work with the secret service in protecting three US President, Movie Stars and Entertainers. I have also written and publish a book on my experiences. I have pictures of me with many of these famous people. I have also been in a movie and have one of my stories on the TV show called Cold Case Files. My Trouble is. I want to speak on Carnival Cruises and I can’t get anyone to answer any of my Emails at Carnival. I do what I call entertainment. You will laugh, cry and have a great time but I promise you, you won’t sleep. I can’t get Carnival to even answer me and say [Bugger Off, Body Guard Boy] so if you can tell me who to email it would be a great help. I may be sending them off to the wrong person and I know they get hundreds of emails. Thanks for any help you can provide. I would also be glad, [free of charge] to be your Body Guard. I know it sometimes sounds like you need one and I know all the cute chicks and CD Groupies must just drive you crazy HAHA .Just Kidding Heidi .Thanks for all the great thing you do for us Carnival Fans.
John Says:
Hello Captain Fred,It is always a pleasure to welcome first time posters to our blog thingy and what an interesting life you have led. You are correct of course that I did mention that during our Trans Atlantic voyage on your Carnival Magic we do indeed need to plan more lectures. It is these sorts of activities that I think people crave on those long days at sea. I am going to send your information to someone at Carnival who I promise will respond and who knows, we may see each other next year. I want to thank you also for your loyalty as a Platinum member and I am sure that our guests would love to know more about you. Thanks for taking the time to write and someone will be in touch son.
Best wishes
JohnBill R Asked:
John – PLEASE REPLYWe loved the Dream and wanted to thank you for the trophy and for your help with the chef’s table reservation. Wow, what an experience that was and all the hype I had read about it was true and then some. The show Dancing in the street was amazing and definitely the best I have seen on my 7 Carnival cruises. The acrobat dancers were amazing and everyone was talking about this show afterwards. I should also mention that the other show Get Ready was the worst I have seen in 7 cruises and was very boring. Our waiter Jo Jo was outstanding and my girls wanted to take him home with them and they still talk about him now. The highlight though was the Chef’s table and to anyone reading this I encourage you to reserve a place the next time you cruise Carnival.
Thanks then John for all your help and for the blog which brightens my day
Bill and family
John Says:
Hello Bill R,Thanks so much for this wonderful review of your Carnival Dream and I will make sure “Jo Jo ” gets to see your words of praise. The problem with Dancin In The Street is that it is so good that the other shows that don’t have the Fun Force dancers in them do feel a little less…… ummm …… “wow.” I personally like Get Ready and its Motown theme but of course I will pass on your comments as I know our production team will find them very useful indeed. I am glad you enjoyed The Chef’s Table so much and your review will I am sure encourage many others to try it for themselves. I hope it’s not too long before we see you on one of our ships again. Best wishes to you and your family.
John
Dutchmanpm Asked:
John Please replyTime for me to do a short vent.
We are Platinum, as when Platinum started, we are also Milestone, which gives you a day in the sun and from there on nothing. Platinum used to be treated to being first on and then self assist you could be first off. The last 3 cruises that went out the door, too much trouble for carnival to call Platinum first then VIP. Throw the Platinums in with all the 100s of VIPs. So that perk is gone, for getting on or off. Were stacking picture frames for a yard sale.
Sometimes it’s more about how you are treated then given something. You already have people in the area so it doesn’t cost anything extra to keep the Platinum separate. It’s now been a year and a half somebody at Carnival was supposes to be reviewing Platinum perks, did he get fired? Nothing ever happened. If it takes this long have them start to do a review on Milestone. Maybe in a few years Carnival will give something.
Thanks
John Says:
Hello Dutchman,Thank you so much for taking the time to write. Our Platinum and Milestone members are of massive importance to us and I was surprised to hear that you were not happy with the embarkation and debarkation system we offer as one of the perks of holding these cards. Please can you tell me which home ports and ships you experienced difficulties on so that I can investigate this further and so we can improve. I do agree with you on the photo frame, we must change this gift as soon as possible and we will. The whole loyalty program is under review and while I think the benefits we offer Platinum guests and the extra discount of a cruise we offer to Milestone guests are excellent, I know we can get better. That is why a dedicated team in the Miami office and myself are working on achieving this and I promise I will have more information for everyone in this regard very soon. Until then I hope you will take the time to write again with more details and thank you so much for your loyalty.
Best wishes
JohnScott Nickle Asked:
JOHN PLEASE REPLY“I have been surprised by the amount of noise guests make when they are walking down the corridor which I’m sure happens on other cruise lines as well.”
John, if you were on a Spirit or Fantasy class ship you wouldn’t have this problem. The noise is because there is an air vent in your cabin door. I mentioned this to you after BC1 on Carnival Freedom and you replied that only a few of the inside cabins have those door vents. Well, I haven’t returned to the Freedom so I can’t say for sure about her, but I have checked carefully on the Splendor and I’m pretty sure every cabin has those damn vents. Inside, outside, and balcony cabins all have ‘em.
BUT if you were on Carnival Spirit you would have a nice quiet cabin because you would have a nice solid door that didn’t have a big sodding hole cut in it. Same thing on the Inspiration and the Ecstasy.
Since I know that Fantasy class and Spirit class were built in Norway, and Freedom and Splendor were built in Italy, it seems that Norwegians are better ship builders than Italians since they can ventilate a cabin without chopping up the door.Or, maybe it’s simply a cheaper option? Is Carnival exposing their guest to more noise simply to save a few bucks?
John, would you please pass this question to an appropriately bearded person for an answer? I’d really like to know.
By the way, John.
When I sailed on Carnival Splendor last year, I tried to submit a complaint about this door-vent issue at the Purser’s desk (I refuse to call it “Guest Services” or whatever bland corporate-speak CCL now calls it). But the lady at the desk REFUSED to take my comment. She said I could only send it directly to the Miami office!
Now I do realize that she couldn’t fill in the door vents herself, but I do feel it is less than ideal customer service to flat-out refuse to take a comment from a guest.
John Says:
Hello Scott Nickle,You are correct Scott about the vents and the difference between the doors on the Spirit and Fantasy class that were built in Finland (not Norway) and the other class of ships that were built in Italy. However, I have been in a guest cabin on the Carnival Legend last year and despite there not being a vent I still could hear people talking in the corridors as they would at home in the wee small hours of the morning. It is just the way some people are I guess yet I never seem to hear this I the many hotels I stay in. Maybe it’s that hotels are for the most part depressing places where as the ships are fun and people continue to have fun despite the rest of us trying to get to sleep. The guest services desk should have taken your comment and I am very surprised to read that they didn’t for which I apologise. Thanks for the post and I hope we will see each other again on another cruise soon so we can tip-toe down the corridor together.
Best wishes
JohnGeorgia Gal Asked:
John,Can I have an answer please? I am going on the Fantasy next month and want to bring my own comforter and bed sheets and pillows. Is this allowed?
Thanks
John Says:
Hello Georgia Girl,Yes of course you may bring these items. I see many bring their own pillows although I am not sure I have ever seen anyone bring their own comforter and sheets before. But you may of course do so and your state room steward will make sure he sets the bed for you. Have a wonderful cruise.
Best wishes and sleep well
JohnCarolyn and Don Asked:
Hi John,First let me say you are definitely NOT old. I have 2 children older than you, now I’m OLD…
We have just returned from our cruise on the Carnival Elation, the second in 6 weeks. A lot of the crew recognized us and some even remembered our names. Our waitress we had the first cruise, our maitre d we had in the Inspiration dining room both cruises. Mark from India on the Lido deck. Also the assistant MaitreD we saw every day morning noon and night on the Lido deck. I don’t think he ever took time off to rest.
Our first cruise was with Felipe Couto as CD and we enjoyed every minute of watching his humor ……… (right spelling) on stage. I’ve told you previously he is so good at his job. I hope he will soon get his own ship so we can sail with him again.
This time we were entertained by Steve……. he too is hilarious; His version of Dolly Parton will leave you rolling in the aisle. The first time we met him, I walked up and he said you’re Carolyn……….That really surprised me as we had never met. He’s great at his job.
The shows were great. I’m sorry we won’t be back to the Carnival Elation until next Sept. as Steve said they are fixing to have a new show.
Carnival can be comfortable in the knowledge that they have a lot of young men and women ready to take over as the older CD’s retire. There is so much talent waiting in the wings so to speak.
We enjoyed Nick Gardiner the social host, he is such a fine young man and will make an excellent ACD and in time CD. You can already see his talent when he is on stage.
There are so many up and coming ACD that we have met and watched during soon to be 20 cruises we have been on.
Charlie Davidson, who was CD on the Valor when you had to leave and go to CA to welcome the Splendor last year, we enjoyed him and would love to sail with him again. Sexy Craig, Jaime, Stephanie Meads, so many young talented young people ready to take over when their turn comes. Carnival is in good hands.
I wish you would also give us a list of the ACD and what ships they are on like you do the CD.
We’re getting ready to cruise on the Carnival Miracle and enjoy Malcolm Burn as CD for the first time.
Carolyn and Don
Sending cuddles and hugs to Heidi and Kye
John Says:
Hello Carolyn and Don,This is a great review and as I know how passionate you are about everything Carnival I am really proud to read that Felipe and Charlie did an outstanding job in their roles as cruise directors. The ACD’s you mentioned are also part of the future and when I am old(er) and retired these young men will be carrying us forward and helping Carnival remain at the top of the cruise industry. I think it is an excellent idea to post a list of the ACD’s and I have asked someone in the Miami office to have this ready for next week. Thank you for donating the library books, you have a wonderful kind heart and I thank you as always for your time and for your continuing words of love for Heidi and Kye. See you both soon.
Best wishes
John
That’s all for this week and I will be back with more on Monday. Once again my I kindly remind you to add the words “John Please Reply” to your post if you would like something answered or my help. Thanks for another great week of comments. Let’s take a break and here is the last of the Halloween photos and this time we go to Wee Jimmy and the Carnival Legend.
It’s been a difficult day in the CD chair and not just because my arse is on fire after the spiciest bowl of Mongolian Wok which has left my bottom smoldering like an Icelandic volcano. Talking of volcanoes my Indonesian friends here are all quiet concerned about a volcano that has erupted in their home country. We have a few crew members who are from the area where Mount Merapi is causing havoc and we are making sure they are able to stay in touch with what is happening.
It’s been a difficult day because I have had a dancer resign and two comedians miss the ship. The dancer is just 19 years old and this is his first contract. I tried to talk him into changing his mind but he just feels that ship’s life is not for him and he wants to go home. And so we will arrange for him to do this. Ship’s life is not for everyone and a mixture of homesickness and living, working, playing and socializing with the same group of people all the time can occasionally make some very unhappy indeed. We shall miss him, he was a good dancer and a good cast member.
So, just after he had handed me his notice I received an e-mail from Miami telling me that the 2 comedians who were due to perform in the Punchliner comedy club were not going to be joining the ship in Mazatlan because of a canceled flight. This was a big blow because the Capers were already……..bugger…………this was a big blow because the Fun Times were already printed and guests expectations were that they were going to see two comedians perform 5 comedy shows. So I made apology announcements and placed posters saying the same thing outside the lounge.
Instead of the comedy shows I scheduled the Superstar Live performances there which were popular………but you could tell that guests were disappointed such is the popularity of comedy. I am still hoping that we can get these chaps into Cabo this morning but as I sit here at 8:30am it doesn’t look good as Miami are struggling to find flights. As always with all of our fly on entertainers we are at the mercy of the airlines. I am still crossing everything I can though.
It has also been difficult but nothing can beat a certain mad professor. As you may know I have had yet another in the long line of eccentric Californian guests here this week with this one wanting to have a lounge reserved so that he may tell everyone they will be dead in two years time. Obviously I have refused this and since doing this his contempt of me has been obvious.
He has written a letter to the captain in which he stated he would write to Carnival’s owner “Mr. Arnisen” and was so rude at dinner two nights ago that the people at his table asked the maitre d to be moved which they now have been. I am very careful in these sorts of situations to be careful in case this chap has some learning difficulties etc but he doesn’t. He is here with his wife who if he speaks to her like he has me, the staff and the people he was at dinner with must wish it was 2012 tomorrow.
And then I got this.
Guest: Mr————Ref: 842142151A
Cabin: ————– Added-Changed: 11/04/10 – 11/04/10C – MULTIPLE COMMENTS
Guest cut to the front of the line and demanded he speak to the GSM immediately. Guest was shouting and GSA asked Mr.__ to take a seat in the lobby. GSS ___ then came to speak to him with me. Guest said this was the cruise from hell and stated following concerns.
- AIR CONDITIONING WAS TOO COLD
- HIS CHILDREN WERE BORED
- FOOD WAS NOT GOOD
- CABIN WAS TOO SMALL
- DRINKS TO EXPENSIVE
- SHOWS BAD
Guest also said that in the Port Of PV he had waited in the hot sun over 105minutes to get back on the ship because the lines were long. Guest says this is the worst vacation his family has ever had. Tasked to F and B Manager, Youth Director, Cruise Director, Housekeeping Manager
Now I am sure he has some legitimate complaints there but anytime I hear the words cruise from hell my hemorrhoids flare up. We are checking the air in his cabin and yes, he is in one of the smaller quad inside cabins which I am sure with four people in them can feel a bit small at times ……..but the worst vacation ever…………..really?
Have this family never had massive arguments because nobody remembered to pack the magnetic Scrabble? Have their children not get travel sick and vomited all over the rental from Hertz? Have the kids never fallen over while riding their bikes and spent two weeks screaming as Mum picks gravel out of their knees? Did they all remember their passports? Was their luggage never lost? Was Coca Cola not knocked off the flip down airplane table on to jeans that became sticker and nastier as the flight progressed? Are none of the children so embarrassed by their parents’ summer outfits as their Dad wears the briefest of Speedos on the Lido Deck? Is the air conditioning working perfectly in every car they have rented and every hotel bedroom they have stayed in? Did nobody get lazy about the sun cream because it was a bit cloudy and then blister like purple bubble wrap? Has Dad never drunk a few too many pina coladas and spent rather too long talking to the woman with the big breasts. Have there been no rushes to the toilet after eating weird looking shellfish? Surely a camera has been lost? Or a cell phone dropped in a pool …….or maybe because of the aforementioned shellfish you never made it out of the pool? No problems because Mum and Dad want some rumpy pumpy in the tiny hotel room just for once ……you little bastards….. It isn’t all that much to ask? Can’t you just go and play on your own for a bit like other children?
Anyway, myself and those mentioned have all agreed to meet with this chap today and I will report back as to what happened on Facebook.
But these sorts of letters are few and far between and it’s easy for me to forget to write on this blog thingy that 99% of our guests on every cruise on every ship have the most fantastic time. You see though the problem is that me writing about people having fun doesn’t make for interesting blogs and besides, the majority of the thousands of daily blog readers are Carnival fans and already know what a brilliant experience a Carnival cruise provides. So often, I concentrate only on the bad and not the good. I must do better in this regard.
So we have a captain onboard the ship this week……I mean that’s not to say we have some weeks where we don’t have a captain onboard and that Ketut my cabin steward is driving ……. no I mean we have an extra captain onboard who is here to implement some new procedures on board. Now I won’t bore you with the details because…….well……..they are boring but basically it’s a security thingy and amongst the new rules and regulations that were written by someone with a beard and that this captain is going fleetwide to implement is the change of who can call the bridge and when. This of course applies to the crew but there won’t be a change of rules for the guests although some of the deck officers wish there was I am sure.
You see, guests can call the bridge anytime on the emergency number listed in the cabin directory. It’s the same on every ship “33″ and as the directory clearly states it is for emergencies only ………..except it’s not because in a meeting yesterday Captain Vincenzo told us how he needs the CD’s help to emphasise that this is an emergency line only and then told us some of the calls that the various ship’s have received on this number while trying to navigate the ship. Now these are not made up, they are officially recorded and are all from the last 12 months. I have chosen five for you to enjoy.
1. Carnival Inspiration – 2nd of February 2010 – Guest called at 9:10am to say that she had opened a closet door and snapped her fingernail off and it was bleeding.
2. Carnival Dream – 15th June 2010 – Guest called at 23:35pm to say that he had found a hair in his room service sandwich.
3. Carnival Inspiration – 11th December 2009 – Guest called at 8:30am to say that his TV remote control was not working
4. Carnival Fascination – 2nd of May 2010 – Guest called to ask what the land was on the port side.
5. Carnival Paradise - 14th December 2009- Guest called to say that she needed some ice.
It would be easy for the skeptics amongst you to think that the flat bloke in his underpants has made all the above up but you would be wrong. This is from an official report and it’s why you will see new wording in the directory and the Fun Times and directly from the cruise directors that the 33 line is for emergencies only and not because you have picked a zit and it won’t stop bleeding
We have the 911 medical emergency line that is to be used if you can actually see bone poking out of your skin and the 33 line to the bridge is also for medical emergencies or if someone falls overboard or if you see an iceberg……just in case our bridge officers haven’t. I tried to explain to Captain Vincenzo that just telling guests not to call is not good enough and we should come up with a stronger deterrent. I have therefore decided that the carrot and stick approach is best. Only without the carrot. This works for dogs and so I see no reason why it should not work for life forms that have less intelligence then a Shitzu.
Therefore anyone who calls the bridge emergency line number and whose head is still attached to the body and who does not have gangrene or whose dangly bits have not been sucked off by the cabin toilet ……..will be locked in the brig and forced to listen to some mad old bastard tell you that in 2012 you are going to die in a fiery ball of burning magma.
See you on Monday.
Goodnight
Your friend
John
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
In reference to the person who says “The view of the majority” I sincerly doubt that most people who travel Carnival even know what cruise critic is. It’s really something when they say view of the majority, when in fact they are a small minority of travelers
You are soo correct.
Even IF the high estimates of 3% of the cruise world know of Cruise Critic ( and even a lesser % posts actively) …..
that is FAR from a Majority …..
600,000 folks are a lot of members, but that includes ALL the cruise lines (not just Carnival) …. and is a very small percentage of the folks who sail……
Linda (Mom of DJ)
Dear John,
The punishment does seem to fit the crime. The only problem I see is that the Mad Professor will have to be on the ship every week and I know this will bother you way too much because yesterday you even started the blog with French.
James Enslow
Thank you, John! As always, hilarious. Just the thing I needed to read before hopping onto our Carnival Conquest on Sunday! I’ll be sure and report back upon my return, and again, thank you so much for giving me such a laugh! Glad to see you’re in a better mood today
Amy
Yonkers1,
Maybe along with your “child free” ship maybe we also need a;
Alcohol Free ship (no Alcohol, not the price)
Perfume Free ships
100% PC correct ships
innuendo free comedy shows ships
Skinny people only ships
Smokers only ships
And last but not least
People that are BONKERS only ships
BIG Ed
Very funny!
Actually the most important one would be
WHINER FREE SHIPS!
John:
So sorry you are having to deal with a troglodyte.
Feel free to print out this “recommendation” from a fellow cruiser.
When this man complains about his small cabin, please remind him that HE is the one that selected it.
There are many many many more spacious cabins on the ship that he could have selected from.
That being said….we have had 3 people in an interior on the Splendor and did just fine.
In fact, we have had 3 to 4 people in an interior cabin of each class of Carnival ship (including the Dream) without an issue.
We will have 4 in an interior on the Elation (B2B) in January and will do just fine. Both boys are over 6 foot tall. (Josh is 6’4″…DJ is 6′.)
Now most of the time, we do elect to get an OV….but the interiors we have had from time to time have served us well.
If his children are “bored”…I would read that as code for “these counselors make my children behave and they don’t like that”.
Yes, the cabins can get to cool (or to warm) and that should be corrected.
“Food not good”??? Really, he has eaten a sampling of EVERYTHING Carnival has to offer in the food department…I think not.
Drinks to expensive…then “don’t drink” (I don’t recall there being a gun held to anyone’s head forcing them to buy drinks.)
Tell this troglodyte to go home and STAY THERE !!!
Linda (Mom of DJ)
John:
Regarding the 33 phone line misuse, in July 2008, my family and I went on the Baltic cruise on the Carnival Splendor. After we departed St. Petersburg, Russia, we were approaching the Kronstadt Naval Base (a major Russian Navy submarine installation) when my sister-in-law in a frantic manner almost beat our cabin door down to tell my wife and I that a submarine was alongside the port side of the ship. She was ready to call the bridge on the 33 line to inform them of her sighting. I guess she thought the crew of “Das Boot” was still sailing around looking for really large targets, i.e. The Splendor, to sink. Anyway, I told her to cease and desist and to look up at the bridge wing as the crew was waving to the crew of the submarine as mariners have been known to do.
I had no idea that emergency number existed! Then again, I really don’t look at the green book in the cabin unless I need to make a call home from the ship. As for the broken fingernail, to some women it is an emergency, to me it is a tragedy and not something I would call an emergency line to report…..
“Value for the money” passengers–it keeps me coming back even though the casino likes to accept my donations each and every cruise, except last when it gave me money *BG*
John: (no reply needed)
I promised a review of how the Mariah Carey song (HERO) went over on the Triumph when used to promote Goove for St Jude.
As I have stated before, I am no Mariah Carey.
We did a B2B on the Triumph.
On the first cruise, I sang Hero on the busiest night in karaoke to reach the largest crowd.
Before I sang, I explained that I did not work for St Jude or for Carnival, but that we were long time St Jude supporters and as such were so proud of the partnership between the two that started with the Dream.
At the end of the song, a lady walked up (before I could even get off the stage) and placed a $20 bill in my hand.
I explained that she could get a tshirt and wristband for $10 at the Formalities shop and she said (with tears in her eyes) … ” I don’t want the tshirts….I just want you to get this money to St Judes”.
I promised her that I would and went straight to the Formalities shop and bought 2 tshirts and wristbands.
That was all I did. Sadly the turn out for that cruise was not very good.
So for the next cruise, I waited until karaoke was held in the casino and sang Hero.
I did the same disclaimer …. everything like before….and this time I had a Goove for St Jude tshirt on. And again…before I could get off the stage…a gentleman walked up and gave me a $20 bill.
I explained to him that he could get 2 tshirts for this at the Formalities shop and he said “I don’t want the tshirts…just make sure this money gets to St Judes.”
I said I would.
So AGAIN (with Cory as my witness) I purchased two more tshirts.
At the Goove for St Jude event….I looked like “an 80 year old hawker at the circus” on the Promenade.
We had much better participation…but I still believe it pales in comparison to the number that “On Deck for the Cure” drew .
One thought as to WHY???
While St Judes has been around FOREVER, Susan G Komen events have been MUCH more visible the past 7 years. There is AN EVENT almost every weekend SOMEWHERE in America.
There is a walk in every little town or big city. It is in the public schools. Nascar has had it on their race cars.
Whoever is in charge of the Susan G. Komen promotion is a genius. They went from Susan WHO?? to a household name almost over night.
Now I know that Carnival walks a fine line between “promoting the cause” and “pushing people to donate while they are on vacation”….
but St Judes is going to need a little more promoting than On Deck for the Cure did.
I will be singing Hero again on the Liberty Nov 27th cruise AND on the Destiny Dec 4th cruise (and hawking it like an 80 year old carnie) …. so it will be interesting to see if the turn out is any better on these cruises….then the previous ones on these ships.
I do believe that being a passenger makes my “presentation” less “intimidating”. It isn’t the “cruise line” promoting St Jude…it is just another passenger.
I will let you know how it goes…..
Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)
ooppss…
that should be GROOVE for St Jude….
And St Jude’s “promotion”….
(typing is not my first language…..) LOL
Linda (Mom of DJ)
To John and Dutchman, my family and I have also experienced problems in disembarkation even though we are Platinum. This was on the Spirit and we were told they do not “honor” that perk on the Spirit.
good evening john. first of all i am very happy you are in a good mood today. that’s lovely. next OP means original poster. there is a whole list of those initial thingies but they are boring so i won’t type them. next sarge’s doctor said he will be able to go on the family cruise this year. we are all so happy about that. he will be in the middle of his chemo and not feeling well but i booked a suite and he’ll rest a lot and we’ll all take care of him. best to the girls…
smiles, bee
Empress Bee:
We are keeping you all in our prayers for the treatments to work correctly and completely….
Princess Linda (Mom of DJ)
LOL,Your priceless John!!
looking for 4 on nov 26 on the carnival spirit.
following lead from fellow CC friend.
ThanX
Great Blog Thingy again John,
Glad you had a happy night, a good friendly chat can do a world of difference for anyone.
Must admit I feel sorry for the mad professor’s wife, if she believes him then what is she going to do when she finds out she will have to stay with him longer then the next 2 years
As for Mr multi-complainer, I am not sure what he expects? perfection?
*The air can be adjust to some extent on all the ships I have been on…
*Board children on a Carnival ship? my children are never board… oh wait they don’t need a video game 24/7 to entertain them… they are looking forward to our next trip, their list of to do is long and includes circleC/O2 min-golf. pizza/ice cream, and even some events with us parents…
*Food not good? where? I have not found better on land… expect home cooked and that is rare and specialty home items…
*Cabin too small? Duh!!!! it is an inside they are small for 4, however that is what we use when we go and it is 4 of us too, my husband, myself, and our 2 teen sons, but we make it work and it is not as small as I have been told others are… If you want bigger open your wallet wider otherwise keep your mouth closed…
*Drink expensive? Would not know we don’s drink… but I have been told the night clubs in Dallas charged more in 1985 than carnival does now… get over it…
*Bad show… they are all ready in such a mood nothing would please them.. what do they expect the Broadway performance of Cats?
Ok that is my vent, all to say I agree with the pilots that made you day, Carnival is the best value for the money, and has been the only vacation we were willing to afford, on top of a good price, it is good to know we don’t have to worry about if we run to the end of the money we budgeted that we have no more money for even food, as is the case in a traditional vacation, but we just return to our ship knowing the best food is waiting, yes worth every penny…
best wishes to you
Heidi and Kye too
the One
and Only 1
Heidi-Beth
John,
What an awesome Blog Today! Glad you were in a good mood to face the fruitcakes. OP = Original Poster, and most of us loyalists still call the Fun Times – The Capers. How you do it, I’ll never know. I’m so glad you do though. You make our lives so much happier between cruises with this Blog.
Your friend,
Dwayne
I am a 911 operator so I am not at all surprised by your examples. I have had 911 calls for such things as my child won’t go to school, the neighbors music is too loud and my power is out.
And for the man who is having the “worst vacation ever” would he like to trade places?
Iam with you Joanne,
This morning I got to work only to get a phone call from my wife saying that I needed to come and get her.
She had received a call from our daughter when she was half way to work asking her to come back to the house as she had left her keys in her car last night. Nancy turned off the freeway only to have her oil light come on so she stopped at the gas station to put some oil and gas in her car before returning to the house. She got out of the car and went into the station to pay for the gas and oil only to come back to the car top find out that she had left her keys and phone in the car and locked the doors. Another person let her us her cell phone to call me so it was off to the rescue.
No matter how bad “worst vacation ever” man’s day was I know Nancy and I would trade him places in a New York minute.
The Cruzin2some
Where does yonkers1 get that the majority agree? I’m sure he hasn’t taken a survey or anything else. Maybe the majority that posted on Cruise stated the same opinion but surely not the majority of Carnival cruisers.
John
My wife and I recently returned from our “empty nester” cruise on the Miracle. This is our 5th cruise with Carnival. We had a wonderful time. Our room stewart Calvert was very friendly and the service he provided was outstanding. Due to Hurricane Tomas our itinerary was changed several times but the staff kept us informed and added activities for those days at sea, I have one comment. It would be nice if Carnival would have clocks in the cabin.
We plan on cruising again once the kids get out of college and if the world doesn’t end in 2012
John,
I can hardly breathe from laughing so hard at the “33″ calls and what followed. Thanks for the laughs this morning, as your post took my mind off of something I have to do today that was giving me butterflies (I won’t bore you with the details). I’m so happy that you’re in a good mood, too. We don’t want to see you sad, even though it’s okay to tell us about it when you are. Have a brilliant day!
Shannan
Reply to Yonkers1. I also prefer to not sail with a bunch of children, especially teens. I’ve done 8 cruises on Carnival, so far, and expect to go on many more. I just do not sail when school is out. I find that Carnival has the best food quality, entertainment, cleanliness and personal. Their medical people are just great. Why would I ever give that up? I have sailed with NCL but I do not like NCL “free style” as I much prefer to have the same waiter and almost always have a great time with my fellow table mates. I’ve cruised all of the major cruise lines at one time or other, but I’m stuck on Carnival. Of course there will always be people who can never be pleased no matter what is done for them. All of us have seen them. The waiter is not fast enough, the steak is not cooked exactly right, the cabin is not clean enough, etc….. My wife, myself and my friends that we sail with are there to have a good time and get away from the “real world” for a week or 2.There are many Cruise Directors but John Heald is, by far, the best. He does his job without appearing “mechanical” or “acting” as most of the other CD’s appear.
John,
I often wonder after reading your blog, what ship these people who complain are on. Do they just imagine these horrible
experiences? I have cruised with Carnival almost 25 times (#25 comes in Jan). And I have never been disappointed. Sure unfortunate things occur, but they just become memories to enjoy during long, cold winters at home.
If the end of the World does come in 2012, I’ll be ready because I’ve had lots of great times while here on Earth. Many of those times were on Carnival fun ships!
Thanks for the memories!
Joyce
As to Yonkers1 – I think most “family” style ships that are “affordable” have kids running around when the tots are not enrolled into kids programs. I expect there to be more kids on a RCL or CCL than say a Holland America. That being said, the cruise destination as well as the cruise date plays a large roll into that statement. Id assume a more mature crowd for Europe/Alaska than Spring Break time in the Caribbean. Having cruised Carnival, the kids I have seen have been respectful, playful kids. Where I saw cruisers annoyed was with the kids splashing around and playing in the hot tubs where adults are trying to relax. Those were the times I even questioned, “Where are their parents?”
And as for all the complaints – they will always exist. Some people are new to cruising. They expect to have a huge resort style room, but they forget to anticipate theyre on a boat – and they can choose a bigger room if they want to fork over an extra $50 or so. The ship size and layout is the one thing you can see and plan on being the same before you even book. I find most educated complaints come from the experiences – crew, the arrival/departure, and their excursions or experiences at the destinations. The crew – who may be tired of the monotony and coming to the end of their contract – may not be smiling as much as the first cruise they set sail on – BUT Carnival always seems to maintain the common courtesies expected. They keep it clean, they may not chat but smile or atleast not be rude. You’ll always have a one off crew member having a bad day – were human. I think for seasoned cruisers, we weigh each experience off of your favorite one, but better or worse, it’ll always be a unique experience and never the same as your favorite. I think back to my first cruise on the Freedom with John here and it was a BLAST. The ship was impeccable I think because John brought everyone’s spirits up! My worst experience was the following year on the Liberty. I was so pumped, but the enthusiasm was not there. CD was a bit outspoken and you rarely heard an announcement. The coffee and juice bars were often closed and you had to keep walking and walking to find one open later at night, I wasn’t 100% sold on the New Years food menu all week – but I still enjoyed it. It was still a fun cruise, just not as great as my first one with John. So, looking at my experiences as a seasoned traveler, people either need to find the fun in their vacations, don’t allow one bad experience to alter their perception, or perhaps they are just looking for Carnival to give them back something for free to “please” them. Happens everywhere in every facet of industry.
Dear John,
(New Miracle Itinerary review – reply if you’d like)
My husband Steve and I just returned from our 14th Carnival cruise onboard the Carnival Miracle. We were joined by 4 friends who we met on the Miracle 2 years ago and some friends from our home town. My husband and I had never visited any of these ports and we were thrilled to be visiting them. Embarkation was a breeze, the staff in the VIP area had their work cut out for them; I believe we had 259 Platinum or higher guests on this sailing. Speaking of Platinum, Steve and I normally each receive a Platinum gift, but on this cruise only one of us received the gift. Our other Platinum friends said the same thing. Apparently the ship was not loaded with enough gifts for every Platinum passenger which is odd since Carnival knew how many of us were on this sailing.
We’ve been entertained by Malcolm on a previous cruise and he was very funny then, if anything he’s even more funny now! Our room steward, Tharrarat Wongchang was wonderful, we met her the first day and loved her immediately. She was amazing in knowing when we left the room and upon return our cabin was always immaculate. Our waitstaff in the dining room were Mario and Ronnie (table 294), they too were wonderful and so fun. You could tell that Ronnie in particular really loved the dances at night; he had special glasses that seemed to glow when the lights were off during one of the dances (the purple “grape” lights were still on.) I do think Mario and Ronnie had too many tables though, there were 8 at our table and he had three other tables of the same size while the waitress at a nearby table just had the one table.
This cruise was our first using the Bon Voyage service and we were very pleased and will be using it on all future cruises. We ordered Rum and couple bottles of wine, everything was in our cabin on embarkation day. I also ordered an anniversary cake for Paul and Jessica, our friends from California who were celebrating their second wedding anniversary the night we sailed from Fort Lauderdale; they were delighted with the surprise. The cake was delicious and I’d like to thank the folks in Bon Voyage for ensuring its delivery that night.
No cruise is 100% perfect and we did have some issues. One being cigar smoking; I know this is a difficult subject, and with this class of ship there aren’t many options for cigar smokers. Cigar smoke is so much heavier than cigarette smoke which seems to dissipate much quicker, while cigar smoke seems to hang in the air. Even outside on the Lido deck it was often filled with the smell of cigar.
One other issue we had was at dinner. We had late dining and were seated in the Abladine (sp?) room. Every night at dinner a child would scream (not cry, these were screams) throughout the night. I don’t blame the child; his needs were not being met. I blame the parents for not tending to him. Late dining is really too late for a child that young; I’m sure he was exhausted. We tried talking to Analisa, but she seemed unconcerned and acted as if we were bothering her. Finally, after our third complaint she said she’d mention it to the Maitre de. He came to visit us the final evening and explained that there was nothing he could do about the situation; that he couldn’t ask the parents to take the child out until he’s calm. In restaurants at home, the maitre de will ask parents to remove a disruptive child if someone complains. This happened every night; surely there’s something that can be done. I’m sure you’re aware this room is not very large and was full of guests, all of whom had their dinners disrupted. If it were an adult causing the disruption, something would have been done.
Now to the ports! Our group loves beaches, some of us snorkel, the rest of us play in the water and relax.
We loved Grand Turk and can’t wait to go back there again; we walked down the beach to Jack’s Shack and played in the water and enjoyed a very relaxing day. Their Jamaican chef prepares a delicious Jerk chicken, and Jack’s dog Topher entertains guests by digging for crabs – its quite hysterical.
La Romana – we did Carnival’s Bayahibe Beach Break and enjoyed it very much. I know we were the first guests on this excursion, here’s my advice to make it better: I think they need to work on instructions to guests, once we were given towels and wrist bands we were “dropped off at the beach” with no other information given; such as locations of restrooms, bar location or where to return the towels before departure (it’s a very large resort). We did have a very nice day there and two of our friends parasailed.
Aruba – we LOVE Aruba! I’m so glad that Carnival went back and so is the island. We were treated like royalty there! When we were getting ready to disembark at midship, Captain Rocco was bringing local dignitaries on board for a tour. Each dignitary greeted us warmly, shaking our hands and welcoming us to their island. Once we got to the beach we found that the hotel had reserved a row of chairs and umbrellas for “cruise ship passengers”. Now, maybe they do that for every cruise ship, but it was certainly nice to see such an effort made to welcome us.
Curacao – I received some bad information on cruise critic and the beach we had selected was less than desirable in that it was next to a factory. We ended up at the Hilton and enjoyed the day on their beach. Afterwards we did some shopping at the market near the port. Curacao has some beautiful architecture! At the beach we tried a frozen Mojito for the first time and it was delicious and so refreshing. Carnival ought to look into making them! Our Lido deck waiter AJ convinced the bar manager to make one for us and we appreciated it very much! It too was refreshing and just the thing for a hot day at sea.
I know you’re a very busy man, but if you want a treat please check out Jessica’s review on Cruise Critic (by the way, you’ve talked to her on Facebook), she has a lot of pictures and many more details than I’ve given here, many readers say its the best review they’ve ever read. The link is http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1303650
Thanks John, for everything, you are appreciated more than you know.
Sheri
Hello John,
How many times must we tell you.
“You just can’t fix STUPID”
Carnival will have “bus riders” on every cruise and they are the ones that entertain us when you refer to them on the blog.
In nine cruises their is always someone that comes to breakfast in their PJ’s, there is always someone that comes to the main theatre in a bath robe from the cabin, formal night brings out the few in their wife beater t shirts and my favourite………….the bunch that sit on the LIDO deck all day and get so sun burned that they look like a rock lobster! Did they forget that you’re a LOT closer to the equator???
It has become a sport for us to spot these passengers and we award points over the cruise for whoever sees them first. Try it……..it’s fun and is harmless.
Hope you’re feeling a little better.
All the best,
B&D from now frosty Canada
LOL,Yes Im one of the frosty Canadians who trys to get a tan the 9 days Im away ,but I love the smell of aloe vera,:):)
-Sandra
NB,Canada
John,
(No need to reply)
While I am not a fan of unruly kids, I would hate being on an adults only cruise. A cruise should be like a community… filled with all ages, creeds, colors, etc… For someone that doesn’t care for kids, going on “The Mouse” line might seem like a crazy thing to do. I have sailed 3 times with them. Like Carnival, you would never know that there were 900 kids on board. The youth programs in Camp Carnival are great at keeping kids busy and under control. It seems that the kids that cause the problems with noise are the ones that their parents let run around and don’t check them into the program. Those “little darlings” are the ones that yell, run and sometimes vandalize the ship.
Still I would rather be on a ship that has families on it than one that doesn’t.
Cheers!
Derek
John, Not sure where Yonkers is getting his information, but it is not from CC. He says the “majority’ of posters want a child free ship. All I can say is that he has a very vivid imagination. In all my cruises I have never had an issue with any of the children on board. In fact I believe that they add to the whole experience. As an aside, I am getting tired of these idiots posting here that they represent CC. They are the fringe element that needs to go sit in a corner and play by themselves.
all these posts are so funny. glad i fell across this website. it has made me smile for at least an hour. cruising the glory for the second time on 2/13/11. yea. john, you made my day.
Dear John,
You are the best marketing and customer service tool that Carnival has going for it.
My first cruise was on Carnival (a wonderful 3 day stint over Spring Break to Catalina and Mexico) about ten years ago, and since then I have sailed on RCL (with my husband, and it was wonderful) and NCL with my parents and husband (it was awful, and surprisingly, not because of my parents. The first day onboard my husband found a nicely steamed great green caterpillar in the broccoli at the buffet and it was all downhill from there).
Now for our one vacation of 2010 I chose to try Carnival again only because it visits Manzanillo and Zihua and RCL’s itineraries over the time we had (Thanksgiving week) were not so alluring.
Sometime after I booked the trip I found your wonderful Blog Thingy, and if I had any doubt about having booked Carnival, it has disappeared. I would now book Carnival over RCL even if the itineraries WEREN’T different – only because of you. The heart and soul of a cruise line is its people, and reading the Blog Thingy with your lovely, comical honesty gives a wonderful sense of Carnival’s culture. If I had only discovered the Blog Thingy several years past, we would have been back to Carnival and would not have bothered with RCL.
Now, as an attorney, I am the first to understand that Carnival cannot endorse the Blog Thingy. But this Blog Thingy is the best thing Carnival has going for it (and by Blog Thingy I mostly mean “you”). I hope the Big Cheeses over at Carnival realize what an absolute people-genius you are and give you some extra time with your lovely family (which it sounds like would give Ketut a well-deserved break as well) or a share of the profits you are bringing in from your readers or whatever it is that you might want. They would be very silly not to keep you happy as I imagine any other line would be thrilled to have you.
In any event I hope that Carnival realizes what an incredible asset you and all your Stephanies and “E”-named gentlemen are, and treat you accordingly. And I hope you know (and I’m sure you must) how your loyal readers adore you. I do hope someday you will turn these blogs into book chapters. It would make for a hilarious and relaxing cruise-vacation read! On those lovely electronic books that you keep crusading to have in the library (a brilliant idea, and I hope the beards go for it).
My husband and I are so looking forward to our cruise (though I must say our cat has caught on now that we have pulled the suitcases out of the garage and she is quite angry about the whole thing) and I am only sorry you will not be our CD. I am sure whomever we have will be wonderful though. I’ll report back once we get home.
I know you’re SO busy, but I do hope you will keep up the Blog Thingy. It would still be wonderful even if you had to cut it down to just once a week or once every two weeks, and I hope that Carnival continues to allow you to do so.
Thank your wife and daughter for hanging in there too. I know what it’s like to have a sailor for a husband (even on a ship with no Latvians) and your wife must be an absolute saint.
XOXO
Sam
hi i read this everyday and i am glad that the professor is gone. i dont really think that anyone should be giving any lectures when they come on the ship…or showing their movies or whatever it is. also carnival should give u a raise because u put up with some pretty crazy stuff. if it was me oh you have no iddea how i would deal with them i would drive them nuts. just let them talk to me and i will straighten them out
Hello John,
I’m just back from the Carnival Pride. Everyone had a wonderful time. (There were 17 of us. My husband threw his back out and couldn’t go, or there would have been 18.) Our waiters in the dining room, Fernando and Renato from the Phillipines, were excellent. Aldo, our cabin steward, was also excellent. Jaime was the cruise director, and she did a great job, assisted by the lovely and talented 6’3″, also known as Amy. Even if she had not written things for the blog, I would have known that you were one of her mentors. We had the “celebrity of the week” who was from Pennsylvania. She and 6’3′ did the morning show. Jaime asked for letters. I wrote one to her wishing my friend Connie a good cruise. Connie and her boyfriend had a tough 1st day, and I was hoping to cheer her up, so I wrote a letter to Jaime telling of her experience. When checking in, Connie didn’t have her glasses on, and checked the wrong box on the health form. Then she realized her mistake, and crossed it out, and wrote no. (Her boyfriend does NOT have a disease like Swine Flu or Norovirus.) The people at embarkation made them wait there until someone from the ship’s medical team came and talked to them. She kept saying “Haven’t you ever made a mistake?” Then they didn’t get their luggage before our late seating dinner, and the cabin steward said that all of the luggage had been delivered. She was really worried that she would have to go running out and buy some clothes to suppliment their carryon lugguage. After dinner, they found their luggage in their cabin – the cabin steward had found it on the other side of the ship. When she unpacked, she realized that she forgot to pack her boyfriend’s underwear! Not a good first day for their 8th Carnival cruise. Jaime sent her a picture of the ship with a note wishing her a wonderful cruise, and a solid gold plastic trophy. I hope Jaime gets her own ship some day soon.
We’ve noticed that Carnival has been cutting back here and there – less musicians in the ship’s orchestra, less dancers, etc. Still a great value for the money, and still the FUN ships. The food is still very good, and the comedy club is a great idea. We were very lucky to have Al Ernst as one of the comedians on our cruise. He is truly the best at what he does. The only show we missed was the one during our dinner, which was probably the same as one of the shows we saw.Every one of our group of 17 loved him, even the nun. (Pat’s sister Phyllis is really Sister Phyllis.)
There was one comedian (out of 4) whose 11:45 PM show was so offensive that a couple of our people actually walked out. (They are not prudes, and enjoyed the other comics’ late shows very much. This fellow did political humor that was very raunchy, and they felt it crossed the line.) They were going to put it on their comment cards, but we found out that Carnival now emails people the link. Well, these people don’t have a computer. A large number of loyal Carnival customers are still seniors, and there are a lot of seniors who are not interested in getting a computer.
The disembarkation process was a zoo. This was the first time I’d every done self-assist. When the ship was cleared, they called Deck 1 for self-assist, and everyone was trying to get off. When they called the next deck, those people pushed in ahead of the Deck 1 people still trying to get off. Why not give out numbered tags for self assist? That way, those with early flights, etc could actually get off first? Also, they always say “don’t have out in the lobby or casino or crowd stairwells” but there are always people who do that anyway. Why do some people think that the rules are for everyone but them?
Thank you so much for doing the blog. It makes my day whenever I read it. I met you on Blogger’s Cruise 2, out of New Orleans. I hope to get the chance to sail with you again one of these days.
Best Regards to Heidi and Kye,
Your Friend Cheryl D.
Well I guess this was a well named blog under the circumstances today.
Hi John!
Long time reader, only rarely post… I’d planned to ask about getting the cruise director schedule updated for early 2011 when I read about the problems on the Splendor today. I have lots of fun memories of that ship from the brief 4 day cruise I did on it 2 years ago out of Ft. Lauderdale, so I was sad to hear it’s having trouble.
I daresay you’re up to your eyeballs dealing with things, and probably not getting anywhere near the thanks you’ll deserve for it, so instead I’m just going to send good wishes your way and hope everything sorts itself out…
Steve
Hello John. I saw this afternoon that you had some trouble on the Splendor. I hope everyone is doing ok, and I’m hope you are holding up well.
Take care, and keep your chin up- don’t listen to those jacka$$es on the cruise critic boards. They just like to be miserable and try to make everyone miserable around them. They probably wouldn’t know fun if it stood up and bit them.
Heidi
John
Maybe you and California are not a good mix. It seems each of your last few cruises have had “issues”. Hope the future is brighter.
wow, quite an ironic title now.. Real sorry this has happened for everyone. Always buy travel insurance!
so much for the good mood huh?? and right after the 33 emergency number post too!! glad to know that you are all safe and will be home soon… ( i wonder if the guests that were pissed about being derverted to key west a few weeks ago are having a change of heart.. ??)
cant wait to hear the stories!!
Hi Mr. Heald,
I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting you yet, but that shall be remedied on the Dec. 19th sailing from Long Beach. I am your newest social host, Ryan McQuarrie’s, Mom. I am greatly concerned for everyone’s safety aboard Splendor at this time, and anxiously awaiting phone call or email from him.
In the optimistic spirit that is Ryan, might I request a dinner seating including him and my travel companion, Linda Roberts, at the Chef’s Table? Or the Captain’s table? Something special to commemorate Ryan and my first cruise together and his new career would be lovely. Linda is a VIP, and I’m working on it, but they can’t find my past guest number, although I’ve been on 2 previous CCL cruises, 1 HAL, and 2 Princess.
Thank you for considering MY (don’t tell Ryan, he’d kill me!) request. Praying for all aboard Splendor today, and hoping for fast resolution.
John…just saw your photo on ABC Nightly News as they showed your page and called you by name and quoted from your Facebook Thingy saying you hoped this cruise was “incident free”. I am actually surprised that the news media has not been as horrible about it as they usually are when things happen on a cruise ship, but then we haven’t seen them attack the passengers for comments yet. It is a bad situation that has been handled as well as it could be. No one was injured which is the main thing of course. Gerry’s statement was very well stated I thought sending his sympathies to what the passengers have had to endure under the conditions. I am sad for my Carnival Splendor as it holds a special place in my heart. Hope she is back in ship shape in no time.
Cheryl
I have to remember the elderly gentleman in front of me at the buffet line who was giving the poor server a dressing down. “Broccoli again???? We have broccoli every dang meal! This is the worst cruise line EVER and I will NEVER cruise with Carnival again!!!” The look on the server’s face was priceless and wonderful. He was calm and collected and did not reflect a hint of disdain or contempt or displeasure with the man. He apologized and offered to find him something else. As I was not a professional employee of Carnival, I went ahead and chuckled to my heart’s content. True story.
I’ll mention that this was on the Valor last June. All of the crew were professional and wonderful. I am so cruise-hooked it’s not even funny. And Carnival is my line of choice. On bad days I just remember I will be staggering my poor, tired, cynical self on board another cruise in a few months. When we pull out of port I just feel all the stress completely leave my body and I think of nothing but the open water and the fun places I am going to. From now on though, I am going to be on a personal mission to find funny things I observe on board.