Banter of the Seas

February 17, 2011 -

John Heald

Time to talk about a touchy subject………….cruise ship banter. First of all let’s define the word “banter” which the dictionary states is “to speak to or address in a witty and teasing manner.”

This kind of thing is commonplace on the ships and nowhere more so than in the cruise staff department amongst the dancers, entertainment staff and the musicians. I suspect that this is not just the case at Carnival but across the industry.

Just like other places of business, banter is very tame now though compared to where we were when I first started on ships, something that my mate Duncan the hotel director were talking about last night.

You see back then it was a massively male dominated industry, especially onboard. There were no female crew members in the dining rooms, no female bar staff and no female housekeeping personal either. It was the dancers, the spa and a few casino and pursers. And back then before the PC world which we now live in was born…..the “banter” was of a much stronger variety. Any woman who worked on board back then will know what I mean. “While, you’re down there, love” and “You don’t get many of them to the dollar” were commonplace. I remember very clearly a cruise director who I was a social host for saying to a dancer “Fancy some rumpy pumpy? No? Well, do you mind lying down while I have some?”

Did it offend? Possibly but most thought it to be funny and was often what got you through the day. The female crew gave as good as they got because I remember that the dancer who was asked by the cruise director for some rumpy pumpy took a glance towards his midsection and said “That reminds me. Must buy some cocktail sticks”……..and then they got on with the job feeling neither harassed nor discriminated against.

But that’s because it was almost never meant seriously or nastily. It was a game.

These days the banter still exists all be it in a diluted form and certainly some of the racier references have long gone. True sexism, true harassment is disgusting and should get the kick in the bollocks it deserves. But it would be a shame if we got rid completely of the banter that has spiced up ship life for decades. Because for many of us that would make life…. very dull indeed.

Time for today’s Q and A ……………off we go

Teresa Branom Asked:
Please Reply

Good Afternoon John,

I have been following your blog for several months now and have found it very interesting and enjoyable.  I have cruised with Carnival 7 times since 2000 and will be sailing on the Glory on 3/13/2011 with my 70 year old mother and 12 year old daughter. We will be taking our annual Grandmother, Mother, Daughter spring break vacation as well as a belated 70th b-day celebration for my mother and early 13th bday (3/24/11) celebration for my daughter. Wow…that’s one big party!!!

My reason for writing to you is that we will have early seating (we’re in cabin 7314) and would love to sit next to a window to watch the sunset. We have never been seated near a window and have always thought it would be nice.

I would appreciate anything you could do to help with this.

Keep up the great work you do for everyone!

Thank you,

Teresa

John Says:
Hello Teresa Branom

I am very happy to know you are enjoying the blog and I will certainly ask the Maitre D if he can assist with your request. I hope you have a wonderful celebration and a brilliant cruise.

Best wishes,

John

Dawn Asked:
Hello John!

I first have to say that I LOVE your blog. My husband and I are going on our 6th Carnival cruise, Feb. 26, 2011 on the Freedom. We are so excited as this will be our longest cruise yet (8 days, up till now the longest has been 5 days), and this is the first time we have gotten a balcony cabin. We have been married for 12 years, and never had a honeymoon, so this is our honeymoon!

We have late dining and would love to have a table for two, (maybe even by a window if possible?), and to have gifts in our room would be amazing! I am not one to ever ask for anything, but I thought with this being our biggest, and I’m sure best cruise ever, it was worth a try to see if you could make it even more awesome! Anything you could do would be greatly appreciated and I hope that we get to cruise with you some day.

Name- Dawn Green and Robert Green
Ship- Freedom
Sail Date- 2/26/11

Thank you in advance,

Dawn

John Says:
Hello Dawn,

I am very happy to know you are enjoying the blog and I will certainly ask the maitre d if he can assist with your request. I hope you have a wonderful honeymoon and a brilliant cruise.

Best wishes,

John

Crystal T Asked:
John (please answer this question)

I have been on 2 cruises with Carnival and need you to understand that the fact that you charge for sea sick tablets, band aids and paracetamol reeks of cheapness. I have also been on Princess and Royal Caribbean where not only are all these items free so is cough surprising, sun burn cream and ladies sanitary towels. Why did you stop handing out free pills and sanitary towels etc? Why is Carnival the only company that has these charges?

John Says:
Hello Crystal T,

Well we did indeed use to offer free sea sick pills and headache pills but now we do not. I cannot answer as to why or what other lines do although I was surprised to learn that other lines hand out free cough medicine and sunburn lotion. Anyway, we have an expert medical team onboard who will make sure the correct medicine is prescribed plus the essentials such as Tylenol, cough medicine etc is also available from the onboard gift shops. I don’t think there has ever been a period……when we have handed out free sanitary towels. I hope you have enjoyed your two Carnival cruises and hope to see you soon for cruise number three……..and maybe a quick visit to Walgreens before you do.

Best wishes

John

Larry from Laredo Texas Asked:
(Reply please)

Our Conquest cruise we just returned from was our best ever and the crew, the food and the shows were fantastic. But I do have one concern that I want to bring to your attention. During dinner one night I saw the assistant maitre de shouting at one of the waiters and wagging his finger in his face. I have no idea what this was all about but the part of the dining room all saw this happen and were shocked by it. Please can you let someone know about this as it was very unprofessional?  Apart from this we had a fantastic time and we will be back.

John Says:
Hello Larry from Laredo Texas,

This kind of comment makes me so upset. There is absolutely no excuse for this and I truly appreciate you taking the time to tell me. I will make sure that I pas this onto the ship’s hotel director so that he can personally address this with the team. I thank you again for letting me know and I am very glad to hear that apart from this awful incident you had a brilliant time.

Best wishes,

John

William Jordan Asked:
Hello John – reply if you wish

Just off our first Carnival cruise on the Fascination after several years with RCI. It was fun comparing the two lines. I enjoyed our time on Fascination a great deal and thought the food (especially the seafood and fish) was more than enjoyable. I was pleased to find some traditional desserts like Baked Alaska on the menu. I guess I am old fashioned!

We already briefly corresponded on my number one suggestion — add the current outside temp to the info screen on the television.

There was very little upselling on Carnival which surprised me. I had expected a slightly more aggressive sales pitch for the “extras”. An example — we were never asked if we wanted to purchase wine at dinner. The first night someone came around as we were sitting down and asked if we wanted to buy some sparkling water, but that was it. It’s not a problem and when I requested a wine list on the second night one was provided. I have to admit my surprise was when a wine list was not presented on the third night even though I had purchased wine the second. Oh well. Like I said it’s not a complaint just an observation.

I truly enjoyed the Chef’s Table. My wife and I decided that we would do the Chef’s Table on the Fascination since this ship did not have the steak house. Our thought was Chef’s table now and steak house in September on the Valor. I think my wife and I are leaning toward doing both on the Valor. It was a lot of fun and a really memorable experience.

You had assisted with a request for a large table in the dining room which we had. Thank you for your help. Our maitre d’ was very nice and accommodating. This was the first cruise where the maitre d’ was more memorable than our wait staff.

We took advantage of the sushi offerings every night and enjoyed the choices. My wife and I had several servings each before dinner. This led to another big difference between Carnival and RCI. When we would finish with a plate, staff would not come and remove the plate in either the casual restaurant or the sushi area. I don’t have a problem removing plates myself, but there really wasn’t an obvious station to put them somewhere. On RCI the staff was almost too quick in removing plates.

Our room steward was attentive and our room was kept clean. If we had had a special request I am confident it would have been honored no matter how demanding. Fortunately, we really didn’t have any needs above beyond the room being kept tidy.

My wife could not care less about what the menu would be each evening. I like to know in advance. On Carnival a book menu was set out on the ship’s display for people to review. On RCI the individual pages were posted in an actual display on the wall. It was nice on RCI because more than one person could preview the menu at a time. It was kind of uncomfortable having someone waiting for you to finish or worse making someone uncomfortable while waiting for them to finish previewing the menu. It’s not important, just a difference.

All in all we had a good time. The weather was chilly — too chilly to swim. Our only real disappointment was having to miss Key West because of the stormy weather. Nothing we could do about that. We were never truly uncomfortable onboard the Fascination.

When I add up the experiences we had on Fascination with comparable cruises on RCI I have to give the nod to Carnival. Especially considering the price point is a fair amount less — you’re dollar for dollar comparison makes a lot more sense now that I have been on a Carnival cruise.

I told my wife that when we take our 100th cruise we get an onboard credit for the cost of the cruise. She might have rolled her eyes at me a little but I could tell she wouldn’t mind 99 more!

John Says:
Hello William Jordan,

It is always fascinating to read a review by someone who may also be a fan of another cruise line and yours was a brilliant example of this. Both lines do things well and at the end of the day I think it all comes down the value you get for the money you pay. If I understand you correctly the menu idea is that on RCI they present you with a menu for the entire cruise rather than just that night. If this is correct it is a very interesting idea indeed and I will pass this along to the right people in Miami. I wonder if there is a reason we don’t do this. I can’t think of one.

I was glad I was able to help with your table reservation and I will make sure that everyone on the ship gets to see your comments. Thank you for taking the time to write and I am sure that many people reading this will find it a great read as well as you compare both the lines you have cruised on. I hope we get to see you again soon and please let me know if I can help.

Best wishes,

John

Appletise Asked:
John, Please reply

Could you tell me who the cruise director will be on the Splendor in March please? I hope it’s you. Our last CD was a girl called Jenny. She was ok but her voice got to me after a while.

John Says:
Hello Appletise,

I wish I could be here but it will be Felipe. I posted his bio last week here on the blog thingy and I hope you read it. Have a brilliant time

Best wishes,

John


Nancy McQuarrie Asked:

Dear John – Please answer if an answer is possible…..

Thank you so very much for the reassurance that Ryan and I shall be able to sail together!!!! You are fantastic, and I am your forever grateful #1 fan! And yes, I am so very proud of Ryan and of the kind praise you have given him (buttons popping..).

I understand, of course, that this will happen only if the Splendor actually sails her first post-repair voyage on Feb. 20. Since I will be traveling from home on Feb. 6 with pre-cruise visits in Arizona and California, have you, or any other human now walking the earth, any idea when notification would be given *if* she is not, in fact, repaired and able to make this voyage? It is my hope to require only one airfare for this trip. Any thoughts, hope, or heads-up most appreciated! Thanks again for all you do for Carnival guests and families!

Your friend,

Nancy

John Says:
Hello Nancy,

As you know we spoke on the phone last night and Ryan said you were pleased to hear from me. For those who do not know Nancy’s son Ryan is a part of the entertainment staff here on the Carnival Splendor and he did such a wonderful job during the fire. I wish I could be with you and I know that Ryan has managed to get you onboard and that you are ready for a great cruise this Sunday.

Best wishes

John

SallyOwl Asked:
John please reply

Dear John

Like you I’m having computer trouble, and the start of my very long and complicated letter to you appears to have decided to go to you before I finished so I’m starting again, and hoping that the Moderation Magicians delete the premature version.

I began by explaining that this letter of thanks was incredibly overdue, because after we disembarked from 31 days on the Carnival Spirit on 8 October 2010 we toured the USA and Canada for another two months (achieving our dream of eventually visiting all 50 US states – a 12 year project) before returning to Australia. We had intended to write to you at the beginning of December, but by then you’d been through the dreadful experience on the amazing Carnival Splendor (on which we’d sailed around South America for 49 days in 2009) and we thought that you deserved a rest more than you needed our thanks – and also because we wanted these thanks to come to you personally.

John, it’s hard to express how wonderful our B2B2B to and from Alaska and Hawaii on the Carnival Spirit was. It began as we walked towards the embarkation desk in Seattle, as we heard our names called by Marco, former photographer on the Carnival Splendor, who remembered us after nearly 18 months Luz, another Carnival Splendor photographer, also greeted us by name). Then, when we arrived in our room there was a basket of fruit, champagne and a ‘ship on a stick’ waiting for us with your good wishes for our upcoming 25th wedding anniversary. Thank you so much!

We got to the dining room, to find our seating just as we’d requested – thank you again – and the wonderful Fernando (maitre d’) waiting for us – he and his assistant, Natalia, became friends – they’re absolutely brilliant at their job. Wherever we went on the ship we were treated superbly. CD Stuart Dunn, and his staff looked after us superbly, as did our room crew and Kevin from China and the others on the Customer Service Desk. Our Head Waiters, Karnita from Bali and Katerina from the Czech Republic and their assistants could not be faulted, and the care which Karnita and Wayan gave a nearby lass with severe developmental problems could have been used as an example for the whole Carnival fleet. On our actual anniversary the Dining Room crew ordered a cake for us as a gift, and a group of our ‘special’ crew – dining room staff and some partners – presented us with a wonderful home-made card and a gift they’d bought for us after dinner service was finished!

As a former teacher-librarian, I had a few suggestions to improve ease of use of the library, and John and I spent a short while sorting and tidying the books, and meeting those concerned with our suggestions. We expected nothing at all for that, as we counted it as part of ‘giving back’ for the wonderful time we were having, but from then on we were showered with chocolate-covered strawberries, petit-fours, fruit, wine etc. – we truly cannot express our thanks for everything which was done for us. When we left the ship, after one cruise to Alaska, one from Vancouver to Hawaii, and one from Hawaii to Ensenada/San Diego, we almost felt bruised by the hugs of staff.

Our blogs from the Carnival Spirit, especially the one describing Carnival’s care of a group of hearing-impaired passengers, have brought comments from readers (mainly friends) from around the world. We think that we must be Carnival’s most fervent ambassadors!

John, none of this would have happened had you ignored my frantic plea after our booking for the B2B2B was first accepted, then cancelled in a 2am phone call. The assistance you arranged for us made this wonderful holiday possible. Thank you so very, very much.

John Says:
Hello Sally Owl,

Please allow me to apologise for the delay in answering your beautiful words. Let me start by thanking you for your comments on the library and it seems we have to do better there and thank you for helping us tidy up etc. That is so very kind of you. I am so glad all went well and there is no need to thank me as that is what I am here for. I want to thank you though for handling an annoying computer and being able to sit down and write this wonderful review. I remain here at your service should you ever need my help.

Best wishes to all

John

Cantoncruiser Asked:
John – REPLY!

Do you have Jewish wine available in the main dining room and at the bars on the Valor? I certainly hope so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

John Says:
Hello Cantoncruiser

Yes indeed we do. We have a brand called Manischewitz and it is available from the dining room and selected bars on board. Please let me know if you need anything else.

Best wishes,

John

Dennis Moore Asked:
Hi John, (Reply if you wish)

First of all…Happy New Year! I know it is going to be happy for me because I just booked my 3rd Carnival Fun For All Vacation in the last 10 months. And by the end of January I will have booked the 4th cruise which we will be taking in September with a group of family and friends. That will make a total of 4 cruises in 16 months. Can you tell how excited I am about the Carnival product? The fun and value just cannot be beaten.

I am writing to you today with a request. My wife and I will be on the 3/3 sailing of the Carnival Inspiration (cabin R17). We booked this cruise because we needed to get away for some alone time. Our family has had some trying times recently and she and I decided to take some time to get away and relax. We will not have cell phones or computers and will be totally out of touch will anything and everything at home. Just what the doctor ordered! So, since this vacation is for the two of us to just unwind and spend some quality alone time together, I was hoping you could help us secure a table for two in the main dining room. Normally we love to meet new people and enjoy their company. But this trip we would like to just be together and enjoy each other’s company. Unlike some who post requests that are thinly veiled demands, I certainly understand if we are not able to get a table for two. It certainly will not diminish our enjoyment of the vacation. But if possible we would be very grateful to get a table for two this time around.

Thanks so much for all you do. I love to read the blog and your facebook posts. It makes the time between my cruises go by faster reading about you and your guest’s adventures each day. It is clear that you love your job and have a passion for what you do. And it definitely shows that you have a true fondness for the people you meet on the ship and on the blog. I hope that one day soon I will get the opportunity to sail with you and the pleasure of meeting you in person. Until then please remember….(Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, He Steals From The Rich And Gives To The Poor)

All the best to you and your girls!

Dennis Moore

John Says:
Hello Dennis Moore,

I am sitting here, in my underpants singing the Dennis Moore song. Anyway, I appreciate your need to spend some quality time together and therefore I have asked the maitre d to help you with your request. I hope you do relax and have fun and sing the Dennis Moore song as you skip down Promenade Deck.  Best wishes to you both

John

That’s all for today, I will be back with more tomorrow. Yesterday on my Facebook page I received a few comments about a link on Cruise Critic that was apparently talking about me. I had no intention of addressing this because up until now I had not read the subject matter. Then I saw there were a few comments had been posted on the blog about it as well asking for my reply so reluctantly I read the link thingy…………..and I really wish I hadn’t.

Here is the link.

Look, this is my fault I guess because I continue to post all the comments the blog gets sent and reply to all those posts that have a JOHN PLEASE REPLY mark on it. But to suggest and I quote “doing this purposely to remove or reduce any influence that CC has” is quite ridiculous. I have said this many times and I will say this one last time because honestly……..I am getting sodding bored repeating myself but this link thingy has given me no choice but to do so again so here goes.

The vast majority of the people who read Cruise Critic are my friends. The site itself provides brilliant information about Carnival, cruising and the industry we all love and I have nothing but respect for the majority of people who read and post there many of whom are readers of this blog.

But for some reason there are one or two who do not like Carnival, me or the blog and I am utterly sick and tired of having to defend myself to these individuals. I post what is sent to me and reply when asked, despite some posts being less than kind. If you don’t like me or what I do I totally understand and respect your opinion.

But don’t expect me to lie down and ignore outrageous claims like this one. It is hurtful and based on utter bollocks. The end.

I need a break.

Let’s meet some of the people who are making sure that this beautiful ship is ready to welcome guests once more.

CAPTAIN GIORGIO PAGANO

HOTEL DIRECTOR DUNCAN PUTTOCK

GUEST SERVICES MANAGER JOANNA “THE HARE “HARTLEY

HOUSEKEEPING MANAGER LINDA LAZAR

SENIOR MAITRE D MIGUEL RODRIGUEZ

These are just some of the department heads who have worked so hard and have been on the Carnival Splendor since the fire and throughout her time in San Diego and San Francisco. I will feature the chief engineer soon……….he’s been a little busy though.

Well there is still so much to be done here before the big travel agent function on the 19th. Felipe is working hard on the Fun Times for the night talking of Fun Times it is time to see what is going on onboard the Carnival Elation as we feature their Fun Times.

(Click here to access the Fun Times.)

Anyway, as I said there is lots to do here and the sea trials today have so far gone very well and everyone seems very happy. There are members of the United States Coast Guard with us as well as members of Lloyds Registry. This I find to be very assuring and I am sure you do to. We have done emergency stops, we have done hard turns and diesel generator blackout tests and everything so far as I said has gone to plan and we will be home Saturday morning.

I want to say a huge thank you the people of both San Diego and San Francisco. Both cities have given us the warmest of welcomes and have looked after the crew especially. I know Carnival has said it is committed to supporting the west coast and I hope that in the years ahead we will see the famous Carnival funnel in both San Diego and San Francisco.

There will not be a blog tomorrow. I am so sorry but time won’t allow and although I mentioned to you recently that I would probably go to three blogs a week now I have 10,000 friends and a billion questions on our Facebook page….…I still feel a little guilty about not writing a blog every day.

Well, very shortly myself and the captain will be addressing the crew and thanking them for all they have done. We will also be telling them what to expect on Saturday and I will be having some fun with them as I have translated a joke into 9 different languages. It’s not really a joke but an inside joke about “rice” and refers to what the crew said they missed the most during the fire. And so I have a play on words with this and will be attempting this 7 word joke in:

ENGLISH

SPANISH

ITALIAN

INDONESIAN

FILIPINO

THAI

RUSSIAN

CROATIAN

ROMANIAN

HINDI

Thank God there are no French onboard.

I will let you know how it goes. One thing is for sure………this crew has worked so hard and I am so proud once again to be standing with them.

So lots for me to do today and I have to answer 3 billion questions on the Facebook page.

I also need to apologise.

Joeseph Mert Asked:

I was sent a comment you made in your blog today by close friend and fellow NCL cruiser. I was amazed that Mr. Arison allows you to write scandalous remarks about a company you nothing about. The Norwegian Epic is far from how you described it and I have written to Mr Arison and the president of Norwegian Cruise Line Andrew Stuart demanding disciplinary action be taken against you. Maybe it is jealously or maybe you are just ignorant but either way you should be ashamed.

Joseph Mert

John Says:

Hello Joseph

Please allow me to apologise and I am totally sincere when I say that. I never want to upset anyone when I write my blogs and the fact that I am apologising in public rather in a private reply to you demonstrates that.

I have though never criticized the NCL product because a) I know very little about it and b) what I do know is that I have spoken to many people who have sailed on your ships all of whom have told me many positive things about their experience.

I think though you are referring to my reoccurring references to the Norwegian Epic and my suggestion that she is not exactly a beautiful ship. And while I am sure inside, she offers excellent entertainment, service and a variety of food choices……it would be hypocritical of me to suddenly say that this Judge Judy of a ship has suddenly become Megan Fox. There must have been a moment when someone walked into an important NCL board meeting and said, “Well, everyone. This is what it’s going to look like.”

Why did no one present say, “Are you joking?” or, “Have you gone mad?” or, “Did you just smoke a palm tree? But the NCL board didn’t They just sat there thinking, “Yes, there have been cruise ships in the past that were designed to look like dolphins so why should we not now have a ship that looks like dolphin that has had an office block dropped on its head.”

I wonder if anyone ever said “Yes. It was me. I designed the Epic.” So while I must apologise again for upsetting you Mr. Mert, I cannot apologise for my comments about the ugliness of the Norwegian Epic. A beautiful ship full of freestyle choices inside but outside…….the second ugliest thing in the world……beaten only by me……..lying on a beach naked…legs spread …. with a small……….very small……sombrero covering my thingy.

Before I go, lets have a look at the stunning Serenity deck which was added during the Carnival Valor’s recent dry dock.

Goodnight.

Your friend,

John

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107 Responses to Banter of the Seas

  1. Brad says:

    I don’t think you need to apologize John, especially since they didn’t even get the name of NCL’s Pres correct. Andy Stewart is I believe the VP of some combination of PR, Sales, Marketing… that sort of stuff. maybe even all of the above. Anyone who watched the highly publicized episode of Undercover Boss knows that NCL’s top tier is Kevin Sheehan.

    Keep up the great work John.

    PS – When are the Legend pics of the new nightclub, etc going to surface?

  2. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

    Joeseph Mert:

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write Mr Arison as you have threatened to do.

    He has a stressful job owning the world’s largest cruise line corporation and could really use A GOOD LAUGH !!!!

    Btw, you might want to take all that righteous indignation and channel it into a sense of humor…….

    Linda

    • Dwayne says:

      Well said! It is the truth. The thing is God awful ugly. Looks like it fell down the Ugly Ship Tree and hit every branch on the way down!

      • mjbearit says:

        Okay, your comments following John’s comments made me go find a picture of this ship. Wow. It almost looks like everything from the Bridge up was kind of an afterthought! And there is something about the bow that is reminiscent of one of those old ships I remember watching as a kid from the J.Couteau shows. I sure hope it is a beauty on the inside because the outside….well….not so much!
        Mike

    • Bill Ong says:

      Isn’t Mr. Arison dead? I believed he died in the late 90s. This NCL person really needs to get some surgery to get he/she shifted towards a good cruises line: Carnival!

  3. Dutchman says:

    Would love a copy of MDR menu for the entire cruise in our room . We can figure out what night to do the steakhouse or the heck with changeing just go to the Lido.

  4. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

    John:

    Yes, the NCL Epic is ugly as a mud fence after a hurricane……

    Sounds like ole Joeseph can’t take the heat of HONESTY…..

    Talk about not having a sense of humor about “banter”…..LOL

    Don’t you just love it when these kinds of bozos start throwing “names” around. Sounds like the only thing bigger than ole Joeseph’s arrogance is his ignorance.

    I really hate to disappoint him….but nobody cares what he thinks….

    Enjoy being “at home” and safe travels this weekend.

    Linda (Mom of your friend ~now disappointed that someone wrecked Dale Jr in practice and he has to start at the end of the pack …even though he got the Pole in Daytona ~ DJ)

  5. Ducky says:

    Dear Joseph the name dropper.

    Get a life. Lessons in constructing a proper sentence wouldn’t hurt either.

  6. BillinMiami says:

    We have been laughing out loud for the past 20 minutes re. your reply on Norwegian Epic, especially after looking at photos of the ship. Hysterical. Thank you for making our Thursday night — we don’t expect to laugh as much when “30 Rock” starts in a half hour. Looking forward to meeting you finally 27 February on the Carnival Glory.
    Bill & Torben

  7. Frank and Bridie says:

    Joseph go fly a kite off your beloved fugly Epic. I as a cruiser can and will say its horrible and NCL seems to be the largest nickel and dime cruise group. Charge you here charge you there. IF you love your epic so much then why are you on here bothering us!!!!

    John so glad to see she is back in full operation. I think it would be funny if you had the CD there come out with a overalls on covered in grease for the first show back :)

    Big Fans as Allways,
    Frank and Bridie

  8. John,
    I am a regular reader of your blog and a travel agent. I love Carnival as a consumer and as a travel agent. Wish I could be there for the Splendor as she arrives in LGB. I just wanted to let you know that the travel agency I work for; just had 96 people sail on the Carnival Ecstasy and they had a blast. Weather wasn’t that good, but the food, entertainment, service and the staff were all outstanding! Carnival is a top notch cruise line and provides such a great value to the consumer. Everybody was happy. I’m a glass half full type person and thought I would post something positive to let counter all the “haters” out there. I would like to encourage people to invest in the money to get their passports instead of using their birth certificate and drivers license; it makes the dis-embarcation process a whole lot quicker! Good Luck John you ROCK!

    • John says:

      I Agree with your take on the passport issue. Read SOOOO many Boo-Hoo’s about not able to board because documents were not accepted. Anytime I see a question on “Documents Needed” to sail I ALWAYS SAY get a “PassPort Card” it solves all document issues from the start. But some TA’s and poster’s say they had no Issue with BC/DL. The Boo-Hoo’ers demanding a full refund, I say for YOUR ingnorance Come On. Carnival Has spelled it out that it is BEST to get a PassPort. And a Passport Card is less espensive as a FULL passport. As Full Passport is ONLY needed for International Trips. Closed Loop Or Not A PassPort is Best…

      • Kel says:

        I believe you will find that a PASSPORT card is good for land crossing only. Not anytime you have to fly. Get a passport book and be done with it.

  9. lisa wiggs says:

    I believe William Jordan meant that on Carnival the dinner menus are in a book, so that only one guest at a time can hold the book and read the menu. On RCI each night’s menu pages are hung behind glass on the wall outside the dining room. This way a group of guests can stand in front of the display and all read the menu simultaneously.

    • Janey - OKGIRL says:

      Lisa, I think you must have your memories reversed. The menu’s on every Carnival ship I’ve ever been on (and I’ve been on 11 of them) are displayed behind glass at the entrance to every dining room.

      Additionally, the menu’s on ships that have interactive TV are available for viewing in your cabin.

      I do think it would be nice to be able to see the entire weeks menu. We almost always eat in the MDR, but my sister would hate to miss her very favorite lunch of Hay and Straw

      I also think it would be nice to see on TV what is being offerred in the Lido buffet.

    • cruisin'lovebirds says:

      Maybe I’m crazy, but the Carnival Legend and the Carnival Dream had the day’s lunch and dinner posted under glass at the exit to the MDR. I’ve never seen menus in a book on Carnival. John, I think this is already being done!

    • Sarah says:

      They are displayed behind glass on a wall. Plus, on the tv interactive system on newer ships. I’ve never seen a book of the menus that only one person can look at.

      It would be nice to have the menus for the entire cruise available, but that also sets up possible problems if something happens and they have to change the menu.

  10. Susie Trimble says:

    Hi John–Pls reply.

    It’s with a heavy heart that I write this. My Mom passed away on Jan 23. We were suppose to have taken our 8th and 9th cruise Feb 7 to Feb 14. Needless to say that cruise did not take place. I have booked a solo cruise for myself April 11th on the Paradise booking #83Z3V0 Rm M86. I’m wondering what you might be able to do to help celebrate my Mom’s life and make this Cruise a little easier for me. The last cruise we took was on the Splendor which ended the day before the dreadful incident. This was by far the best crew that we had in 7 cruises. I will be cruising again on the Splendor Oct 16 w/my brother and his wife their 1st cruise. I booked the Paradise in hopes i will have put all the emotions behind me so I will have a happy cruise w/my brother.

    Thanks

    Susie
    Continued goodluck in the splendor sea trials

    • cruisin'lovebirds says:

      Susie, I send my condolences. May I suggest that you set aside a time for remembrance, go to a private area up on deck, look up at the heavens and take time for Mom. Cry, or smile, or both, but honor her, and then slip back into enjoyment of life as she would want for you. This is a difficult time for you – I know. Janet

    • Mary Ruppert says:

      Susie,
      First let me extend my sympathies for your loss. I suffered such a loss recently. My Dad died on Christmas Day last year and we had three cruises booked, then he became too sick to travel. My husband and I are booked on the Carnival Glory next week and are hoping to scatter some of Dad’s ashes on the cruise. It would have been Dad’s 17th cruise on Carnival.

      Nothing will ever take away all the sadness, but if your Mother loved cruising as much as my Dad, then she would love for you to continue without her, yet thinking of her when you cruise.

      Honor her by remembering her with love and enjoy your time on the sea. It’s good for the soul.

      Mary

  11. Daniel-Getting Married :D says:

    I hadn’t ever seen pictures of the Norwegian Epic, so I decided to Google it. Holy carp! I have to agree with you John! The Epic is MORBID looking. Yuck, yuck, yuck!!

  12. Erica LeBlanc says:

    I have sailed 16 times with Carnival and getting ready to book #17 tomorrow on the 4/1/11 sailing of the Spirit out of San Diego. This will be our 4th cruise on the Spirit and we are looking forward to it.

    In fact our first sailing on the Spirit we met the assistant Matrre D Desislava Bojidarova Ahtchyska (Desi) she made that trip SO enjoyable that we rebooked our next trip for when she returned from her vacation so we could sail with her again. We would follow her around the world to cruise with her each and every time if we had the means to do so. (Our daughter is handicapped so it makes travel difficult anywhere outside of West Coast)

    She took a kind liking to our daughter Victoria and stopped by our table every dinner, we visited with her on the Lido deck when she had “free” time. And just LOVE her and her kind heart and amazing customer service.

    Please make sure that she gets acknowledged and send her our best.
    **************************
    By the way you are not to be discounted by any means. We sailed with you on the Splendor in September 2010 and had an amazing time!!!! We had a Spa cabin which I will ALWAYS book again and HIGHLY recommend it to everyone.

    We met some amazing cruisers and employees on this ship and one specific incident stood out to me. On the first night you pulled one of our new “friends” sons to the stage and I think you gave him a coin and told him it was magic and if he was good during the trip he would receive $20 each night the coin was under his pillow. Hahhahaha, So Sam had the coin the first night and gave it to his brother the next day. Their dad paid the $$$ but called in the next morning and asked that you reimburse him. :) You did send something nice to them in the cabin which made everyone happy.

    Well then my daughter Victoria lost her tooth at Kids Club while watching “The Tooth Fairy” ironic huh? Well Sam’s dad told her teeth were worth $100 if lost on a cruise ship. hahahhaha Not in my cabin!

    But she did get a roll of quarters to spend in the arcade and thought that was awesome.

    Anyway, you made our trip great. I loved your daily morning show, every time you were on the loud speakers, and all the shows. We miss you and hope again to sail on the same ship with you soon.
    We will be on the Spirit in April 2011, and the Splendor in August 2011.

    Enjoy being back on the Splendor!!!!!
    Take care. Thank you for making so many people’s vacation amazing!!!!
    Erica

  13. Randall Rettig says:

    I remember something really funny that happened when you were our CD way back in 1995 on Imagination (or 1997 on Inspiration, not sure which one) — do you remember when you were emceeing a contest on the main stage and a large lady got so excited when she won a prize that she hugged you off balance and she fell on top of you and you fell flat on your back? It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. I don’t think you were hurt, were you? You seemed to be fine afterwards, and were cracking jokes about it. We’ve been on 7 cruises and you were by far the funniest CD of them all. Please comment if you remember this, and if you know which ship it was on. Thanks.

  14. Mark Thomas says:

    CC has very many people as members (I’m one), but I suspect the percentage that post over and over is a very small number. And of those, I have come to the conclusion that the vast majority would rather pick a fight than give worthwhile info about a particular ship or port. I’ve given up on them. And, I suggest respectfully that you let the rants of a very few people run off your back like water on the proverbial duck. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

  15. Rhonda M. says:

    John,

    I hope that you read some of the replies to the CC post that you linked. Because if you did you saw that many people disagreed with the OP and told him so. So, just so you know, there are quite a few people who will stand up and defend you and these people know your true worth.

    Thanks for helping me out also as I have been one of the 3 billion on FB. Have a good evening and I wish you well.

    • Mike Kimberly says:

      Previously, I would read Cruise Critic, almost daily, hoping for some bit of new Carnival news or information related to whichever cruise I was planning.

      However, on my own, without being subliminally mind-controlled by John Heald, I came to the conclusion that Cruise Critic is a band of SNOBS and I have since learned to live without their reviews/posting.

      After reading dozens of so-called “reviews” by their members with countless comments such as “I am not one to complain, but my first complaint is….” (followed by dribble COMPLAINING about minutia) I finally instituted a self-imposed boycott of Cruise Critic, and my life has been vastly improved because of it..

      Cruise Critic – you have no influence with me – John Heald does…

  16. Stuart Zaikov says:

    John please do not reply to this on your blog as this is meant as a personal apology to you..
    I am a platinum cruiser on Carnival and have just returned from a great cruise and immediately booked another one.
    I am also a member of CC.
    In the past few months I have noticed many comments to you from people saying they are members of CC saying the most incredibly stupid and outrageous things.
    Thinking about this and wondering about it I posted a thread asking why this was happening.
    After some discussion about this and a very nice comment from Mach I asked that the thread be closed and it has been closed..
    I was in no way criticizing you or trying to cause you any distress. For my doing it you have my deepest apology.
    I am a regular reader of your blog and you have posted a number of very positive reviews written by me. As a matter of fact you will be seeing a rather glowing review of my recent cruise on the Miracle posted about 10 days ago.
    Once again sorry for any distress that I inadvertently caused you.
    Your friend
    Stu

    • Zelda Moscovitz says:

      Don’t try to sugarcoat the purpose of your original CC thread, Stu. You specifically started your thread for a consensus if John was posting negative comments from CC members on his blog “purposely to remove or reduce any influence CC has.” If you are going to apologize be honest about what it is you are apologizing for exactly.

    • Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

      Stu:

      Unfortunately for something to be sent “privately” to John….you have to put PRIVATE – DO NOT POST at the top fo the post.

      Otherwise, everything just hits the general page.

      Linda (Mom of DJ)

    • MrPete says:

      Stu..

      Quit backpedaling. Just buy us all a Foo Foo. We are forgiving and still a fun bunch…..at least over here.

      And they don’t give out points!

  17. Cheryl K says:

    Banter is fun and if you don’t have a sense of humour(spelt John’s way) you usually don’t fare well in this world. Joseph Mert needs to not take life so seriously.

    Captain Pagano brought the Carnival Splendor to California. There were so many memorable celebrations on that trip but the most fun I think was the Equator Crossing. The countdown to all zero’s was so exciting and Capt. Pagano blew the horn and then told us we were on the first Carnival ship to ever cross the equator. There was quite a celebration with King Neptune and his court which ended with one of the ship’s officers being tossed in the pool. Thanks Captain for a wonderful cruise “around the horn”. Miguel was there too!

  18. Jodi says:

    I shall have to remember that description of the Epic because no one seems to believe me when I say that she has to be the ugliest ship I have ever seen. Cruise ship any way. I am here to offer continued support for your opinion of her outside looks and any one who has two brain cells to rub together and thinks otherwise is, I fear, in denial.

  19. Sarah Oxfurth says:

    John, i waited tables all through HS and college, as well as performing in theatrics-believe me “banter” is quite rampant in all areas of service and performance it would appear. …off to read the rest of the thread!

  20. Eilonwy says:

    Banter, as you yourself defined it, does not have to be sexual in nature. And I have a difficult time imagining that all, or even more, women in the situation you described– outnumbered, for example, in a “massively male dominated industry”– would be comfortable speaking up if it did offend. I, for one, am grateful that such banter has been cleaned up, not just on cruise lines but in most places. As a woman, I certainly would not be pleased to receive such comments nor to overhear a female (or for that matter, male) employee receiving the same. I realize that I’m voicing what is likely to be an unpopular opinion and that I am speaking purely from your description rather than any personal experience working on a cruise line, of course, but so be it. The descriptions you provided, despite your comment that the women gave as good as they got, were all begun by men, in a place of privilege, treating a woman, even if in a joking manner, as a physical object with less bodily autonomy than the man. (ie, your example: “No? Well, do you mind lying down while I have some?”) You describe this as not “true discrimination, true harassment,” and yes, on a spectrum it is less harmful than it could be. But these words, particularly coming from the “massively male dominated industry” members were (or in some cases and industries, are) both a symptom of a larger problem and the kind of talk and culture, no matter how theoretically “light-hearted” it was meant, that supports the larger, even more detrimental and worse harassment.

    Just my $.02, as a woman in a male dominated industry.

  21. Laura Ann Smith says:

    Oops sorry, we will be on the March 28-April 1 cruise on the Carival Fantasy!

  22. Karen Bauer says:

    To Chrystal who slammed Carnival for not providing sanitary products and seasick pills and cold medicines: you said “All othe cruise lines provide these free of charge” to which I reply (and have first hand knowledge) NCL does NOT provide any of these products free of charge however are offered at a very reasonable price in their gift shop. The cruise line should not be expected to hand out medications free of charge and as a traveler, one should come well-prepared for such unforseen occurrences such as seasickness, diarrhea, headaches, and your menstrual cycle! You are just knit-picking and are the type of guest who expects everything to be handed to you on a silver platter! Get real! Bring your own supplies! I suppose you want them to provide a bathing suit because their is a pool too?

    • Agent Dotski says:

      High five!

    • MarkT says:

      Several years ago, I met Mr. Montezuma up close and personal on a Carnival ship after visiting Cozumel and enjoying some of the local cuisine. Had to go to the ship’s doctor to get something a bit more serious than what they sold in the shops. The cost of the visit and the meds was less than what I would have paid for my copay back home. Never find me complaining about what these “extras” cost!

    • Dennis and Candy Zander says:

      Bravo to Karen about Crystal’s post! Bring your own stuff!! Great as usual John!

  23. Pingback: Tweets that mention John Heald's Blog » Banter of the Seas -- Topsy.com

  24. Tom Cruise says:

    I think the NCP Epic is ugly. The most ugly ship around. Ignore the complaint.

    It’s YOUR opinion (and mine) and in America I thought free speech was allowed!

    Take the extension off the top of the Epic and it would look nice.

  25. Heather says:

    Dear John,

    I would like to propose a solution to your CC problem. Require that those who insist in identifying themselves as CC members disclose their CC username in order to receive a requested reply.

    I, too, am a member of CC (indigofairy), but you’ll see that I don’t often post because I find it so tiresome to wade through the overwhelming negativity and seemingly endless pointless replies to information requests. I search for an answer and move on.

    I watch your blog every day, which is far more often that i bother with CC.

  26. capt Bill says:

    Hey John,

    First let me say How sorry I am for Susie’s loss, Having never been on the paradise, I can’t say exactly where to go, but having sailed on many fanatsy class ships, I would suggest the piano bar would be a great place to remember Mom. its a small bar and the player is normally one of thebest and it is like your with family in there.

    I also want to say that the Box car Epic is one of the ugliest thngs I have ever seen on the water, ( I have seen a lot with over 30 years working on the water). not only is it boxy looking but I can only imagine how she must handle in the wind and seas….. the poor crew must have there hands full dealing with her underway.

    I too miss the banter and pranks that we used to play when I was in the coast Guard…. sending the newbe to get a buck of steam form the enginer, getting the sea chest key, and my favorate the can of Relative bearing greese… any one who has worked the bridge of a ship will understand that one…..ohh how the fun times have passed.

    John Keep up the good work and I for one am proud of you for standing to the bullies and name callers. please continue to write about your underpants and hemroids, and anything else you want to write about, I love reading what you have to say, and look forward to reading the blog. please keep up the good work,

    Your friend,

    Capt Bill LicensedCaptain of vessels and retired CG also platnuim card holder (23 cruises) and at least 10 with John

  27. DMI says:

    I finally have to comment as I do enjoy the blog and agree that JH is indeed a great CD. What I find offensive is criticism of other lines that also do a great job in providing the cruising experience. I’m sure the Epic is a fine ship and doesn’t deserve the lashing that it receieved I didn’t find that humorous. Also the cheerleaders who write ever day or everyother day (you know who you are) are really sickening. They are seemingly affulent, freqent cruisers who idololize you to an extreme. They defend your every remark no matter what it is. I’m sure you don’t want to be treated as a God and certainly wouldn’t want to be on the same ship since they would be following you like puppies and demanding all the front seats at the shows. We still enjoy your comments I do enjoy reading cruise critic for all the helpful information it provides. Again you were a great CD as others have also been.

    • Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

      I would tell you just how far off the mark you are…but I doubt you have the open mind to believe it.

      You appear to be just as dogmatic about your opinion has you accuse others of being….it gives the appearance of the “pot calling the kettle black”.

      how sad,…

      Linda

      • Agent Dotski says:

        I’m with you Linda…

      • DMI says:

        Please reread this comment you were very rude in your response. We do appreciate JH only perhaps judgemental (your words) of the constant cheerleaders. Again please reread. Thank you.

        • Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

          DMI:

          You post the following comment and then have the audacity to call someone else rude????

          “Also the cheerleaders who write ever day or everyother day (you know who you are) are really sickening. They are seemingly affulent, freqent cruisers who idololize you to an extreme. They defend your every remark no matter what it is. I’m sure you don’t want to be treated as a God and certainly wouldn’t want to be on the same ship since they would be following you like puppies and demanding all the front seats at the shows.”

          My comment stands. You have never met any of these individuals and yet you pass your “judgment” based on your opinion on those your label…. “you know who you are”????

          Ridiculous and very sad….

          Again, you calling someone else “rude” is indeed the pot calling the kettle black….looks like I got it right the first time.

          Linda

  28. The Cruzin2some says:

    DEAR bLOGGERS,
    MY NIECE JUST SAILED ON THE ncl ePIC AND SAID IT WAS A TRULY WONDERFUL SHIP. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS CLOSE YOUR EYES UNTIL YOU ARE ONBOARD.
    THE CRUZIN2SOME

  29. MrPete says:

    Joseph Mert should watch Undercover Boss so he can educate himself as to who the President of NCL is.

  30. elizabeth says:

    RE Cruise Critic complainers…If a blog makes you angry why do you continue to read it?

  31. Judy S. says:

    JOHN! I also joined Cruise Critic-and then didn’t like comments so have NEVER went back to site! I like you just the way you are! Keep telling it like it is!

  32. meghan says:

    John, In this blog you mentioned the ever (in)famous CC members and the thread someone started….i am on CC, more a browser (just as i am here) but have done my share of posting in hopes of getting info or giving helpful tips, i try to avoid the personal ones….however…a new thread has started about you..and im glad to say i was able to contribute it…its pages of people who have sailed with you and who are hoping to one day sail with you..i was fortunate enough to sail with you in 2008 on the valor ( you even read a note from husband on the morning show!) …. i know some people can seem brutal in the blogging/discussion board world but i thought you should know for the few bad apples there are twice as many who love you! keep up the good work

  33. john&patty says:

    john please reply!john we have sent you a review of the several ships we sailed on last year, (2010) we have not seen it on your blog, the post was nov. 2010 and was time sensitive at the time, i have also sent it again, still no posting, or replt, i know enough that things get lost in cyber space etc. and it will show up sometime, so i have a proposal for you we are cailing on Carnival Magic on 5/22/11 , see if you could spare some minutes to meet with my wife and i (this will be our 25 th. cruise and our mileston cruise, so it is very special to us ,if this is possible our cabin # is SS 11205(pls. do not post #) john /patty

  34. William Jordan says:

    Horay for you John. You have a much thicker skin than I do — I would be so frustrated with some of the silly, self-important comments you deal with effortlessly.

  35. Agent Dotski says:

    CrystalT: If the other line does indeed offer these items on a “free” basis (not sure if all the items that you list are actually free!)…well…look at the pricepoint difference between the two lines. They aren’t really “free”… you pay for them before you board the ship! I’m ok with saving a few hundred and bringing my own ginger pills and lotion!

    WilliamJordan: did you notice that you can also check out the menu on your stateroom TV? Its a great sneakpeek!

    And Mr Mert: seriously – get over yourself. Disciplinary action for having an opinion on a blog? Wow – you must have the sweet life if this is worth such an expenditure of your time with the whistle blowing letter writing! John is free to have his opinion, just as you are free to have yours when it comes to the virtues of the Epic. I’m sorry Mr Mert, I tend to agree with John on this one. I PERSONALLY enjoy the smooth lines of a cruiseship and while the inside is indeed quite lovely, I just don’t get that building block on the front of the ship. I own my own company…please don’t bother writing a letter to my boss…! Have a great day!

  36. Vicky Myers says:

    Dearest John,

    No need to reply soon. My hubby & I have sailed with CCL since our honeymoon in 2005. We will be sailing on the beautiful Carnival Miracle on b-2-b starting this coming Wednesday (the 23rd), & cannot wait! This will be his 14th & my 13th cruise. We both enjoy your blogs & follow the thingy on FB. I’m not asking for anything special or making any requests. That is not my intention, even though there’s nothing wrong with that (within reason). The reason of this is that I have a question. I would like to take my daughter on a cruise, someday. You know, like a mother/daughter bonding trip kinda thingy. She is 13 now & has never done anything like this. Do you have any recommendations of like which ship I should consider; length of trip; or itenerary? She’s never flown, kinda nervous about that. Now mind you, that I’m planning for the future, like maybe a couple of years from now. I just want her to enjoy her trip & taking suggestions. Thank you for your time & keep up the extraordinary work. You are doing a terrific job & always ignore what the nay-sayers.

    Sincerely,

    Vicky Myers

  37. Lulu says:

    Dear John and other blog fans;
    I find your demeaning comments about the Norwegian Epic patently offensive. I simply CANNOT BELIEVE that in this obviously well read and learned group no-one knows the true EPIC story. There is a reason that the Epic looks the way she does, and that is because she was designed by a child, in a contest co-sponsored by Lego. The Norwegian Corporate Bored, having learned of their rival Carnival’s contests which let their fans “Name the Bucket”, and “Name the Dish” as a way to “Make the Magic Yours”, came up with a Gem of an idea, a pure Pearl of wisdom. In a grand Spirit of one-up-manship, they decided to have a contest which would allow the winner to “Design the Next Big Thing”, and that is the how Little Ima Nerd, age 6, from Experiment, Arkansas, after begging her momma’s cousin’s roommate’s uncle’s father’s nephew for a few Leggos and some moulding (spelt correctly) clay, designed the winning model, and got her chance to escape the chains of her landlocked existence, and build the third biggest cruise ship in the world, for the third biggest cruise line.
    Sincerely,
    Lulu

    • Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

      Sorry….the ship is still UGLY …..

      I don’t care who designed it or why….it is still UGLY…..

      I have always said it looks like an office building that was welded to the front of a ship.

      Linda (Mom of DJ)

    • Christie says:

      Lulu, you are a riot! :D

      I have never seen the ship in question, so I have just Googled it… and it really does look like something a six year old cobbled together with Legos. I’ve seen prettier barges.

      Thanks for the laugh! :)

    • Beth Flynn says:

      Funny stuff there Lulu!

  38. texaskit says:

    ” I don’t think there has ever been a period……when we have handed out free sanitary towels”.

    Suprised no one picked up on the pun. “Period” “Sanitary towels” Loved it. Of course I do have a sick mind :)

  39. Earl Porteous says:

    Dear John,

  40. John:
    Other cruise lines DO NOT give free seasick meds, cough meds, or, bandaids.
    Some other jerk who wants to get your goat. Same for the 3 or 4 cc members who are rude and nasty to you. I have been using cc boards for many years now and have learned a lot about travel. On all my boards, your name has only been mentioned in a very good way.
    You are a kind and very good man, don’t let anyone take that from you!
    Marie

  41. Larry Meador says:

    I had never even seen a picture of the Norweigen Epic. Therefore, I looked it up on the Internet. I hate to burst your bubble Mr. Mert, but that is one ugly boat. It looks like a stiff wave from the side would roll it right over…..

    Your friend from Texas,

    Larry Meador

  42. Rex says:

    Suppose to be sailing on Splendor Feb 20th. Haven’t heard anything negative so I hope all is well to fly to LA on Saturday????

  43. Kevin Cerchiai says:

    Hi John,

    I was on the Dream last month filming the Alvin and the Chipmunks 3 movie. I had such a great time while shooting on board. The ship’s crew was great. Butch the CD and his staff were great! He came to our wrap party the last night of our cruise. We had a nice conversation. I really enjoyed the Punchliner. Jeff the Fun Dude put together first class comedy shows.

    Because of the filming on board, we did not get to enjoy the ports of call.
    Well, since i haven’t had a vacation with my family in a few years and I have some time off during my kids spring break .We booked a vacation on the Valor’ for the 3-13-11 crusie. Unfortunately, the Dream was doing a itinerary that we were not interested in. I have two girls aged 12 and 14. They are so excited! I can’t wait either.

    Take Care,

    Kevin

  44. Martha Carter says:

    John,
    I just received my confirmation for 6 for the Chef’s Table on Splendor, 9/11 cruise. Thank you so very much for all of your assistance! I can’t wait to let everyone know in our little group!! They will be so excited.
    With great appreation,
    Martha Carter

  45. June and Bill Wilson says:

    Hi John,

    We first sailed with you in October 2007 in the Mediterranean on the Freedom. We had such an awesome experience that we were really excited to learn that you would be the CD on the Splendor in the Mediterranean on our October 2008 cruise. We found when we got on board that you had left the week before. Then, in November, 2010, we were excited to learn that you would be the CD on the Splendor for our Thanksgiving cruise, and we all know what happened there! The reason we are writing is that we are taking back to back cruises on the Magic, on May 1st and 10th. Hopefully the 3rd (and 4th) times will be the charm! These will be the 36th and 37th Carnival cruises for June, and the 31st and 32nd for Bill.

    We will be in Venice for a few days prior to the cruise, and we were wondering if you know if there will be any type of ceremonies there before the inaugural cruise. Also, do you know if Ken, the Maitre D’ , will be on the ship? If so, can you please ask if we can sit in his dining room? (We will be in cabin number 7279 for both cruises.)

    We always have a great time on Carnival cruises, in no small part due to the wonderful employees on your ships. We just wanted to mention a few of our favorites:
    Eva Cselotei, the casino host on the Liberty, Wency, the waiter on the Miracle, Lucky, who was a room steward on the Spirit, Michael Bayona, the best home office employee working for your company, and, of course, you and Ken.

    Looking forward (fingers crossed) to seeing you in May!

    June and Bill Wilson

  46. Susan Anderson says:

    John,
    I always remember you from our very first cruise on the Glory. We celebrated our 25th anniversary then. We are booked on the Spirit cruising May 10th in Cabins 8235 and 8168. This is our fifth cruise and we haven’t ever been lucky enough to be seated by a window. We would be delighted if you could help us out. We have four in our party. Thanks so much.
    Susan

  47. Mark Zeigler says:

    John:
    Just booked our 12th carnival fir 4/23/11 on the dream. With a family of 6, all on their 12th I am a bit disappointed that the price for two rooms was $200 higher than shown online. With 4 children I cannot book online as I need two rooms together. Hearing we have one price at the intenet rate but not two. Yes I know you have 6 platinum guests but my supervisor said it does not matter. It is appearing platinum is meaning less n less.

  48. Jeff, Tina, and Girls says:

    Great point in the blog, John, political correctness has pretty much ruined the USA for “banter”. I agree that harrassment should be dealt with immediately, but our society has turned into everyone waiting to be “victimized” by the spoken word. What happened to “sticks and stones…….”

    Jeff

    • Anthony says:

      I have worked in male dominated workforce for my adult career first in the Marine Corps, now in nuclear security. And I have seen the same thing, over and over. A male and female bantering back and forth both with racy comments, then one day the guy is called up in front of the commander or HR and the game begins.

  49. Michelle says:

    SWEET JEHOSAPHAT that is one ugly ship

  50. Kathy Locke says:

    Regarding the comment from Lulu about the 6 yr who designed the Epic. Whether this story has substance or not, the ship does look exactly like somehting from LegoLand. My thoughts are if the story is true, the powers that be should have instead made a Lego Toy Set from the childs designs to sell at the ships shops and not build a huge ship that looks like a floating block. That thing can’t be very aerodynamic! I pulled up pictures of different views of the ship and could not find any angle that was pleasing to the eye. John you and everyone that added comments have every right to voice their opinions about this ship looking like an ugly duckling.

    • Missy says:

      I do believe that post was a joke. I doubt “Little Ima Nerd” actually won the contest with help from her ” momma’s cousin’s roommate’s uncle’s father’s nephew “.

  51. April Meiergerd says:

    Dear John,

    Just wanted to thank you so much for getting my husband and I a reservation on Chef”s Table when we sail for the first time on the Glory in May! You are a gem, we are so very excited to treat ourselves for our 8th anniversary!!! :)

    Thank you again,

    April Meiergerd

  52. Anthony George says:

    Hi,

    I am heading out on my first cruse and I am taking the whole family. We are leaving the 26th on Triumph and we are all excited. I have stumbled across you blog and have found a new thing to read when I am wasting time at work waiting for my cruse. But I am going to bite I keep seeing people asking for somting in the room and I said that I have got to try it. My room is 1410. Thanks a lot for you blog it made me laugh some time away.

  53. Vinz Brown says:

    Hi there John,
    today I was googling my name (uhhh, for some reason)
    and ran across your blog – I was mentioned on it.
    (Feb 3rd 2010 – from “Terri”)
    Quote – “We really enjoyed the karaoke host, Vinz Brown. We thought he was as funny as the comic that appeared at the Pharaoh’s Lounge – Carnival has a gem in Vinz! ”
    Which you replied “I don’t know Vinz Brown but he sounds quite the entertainer and I know he will be thrilled when he reads this.”

    And “YES, deffinitely” … I AM thrilled.

    But as you knowwww, being in the people/entertainment business,
    being in the spotlight day in and day out, you’ll run across ALLL kinds of people … the GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY. A person in the public eye can be almost like “target practice” to “those few” ugly folks.

    There are guests that love you to death (such as Terri) .. AND guests who think you’re the “worst”.
    Goes with the territory.

    Welllllll, unfortunately…  my time at Carnival came to an untimely and BIZZZZARE end shortly after Terri’s cruise. Two of “those few” – who just happen to be karaoke hosts themSELVES “back home”- had issues with me that whollle cruise. I didn’t run kark “like THEY were used to”.
    Keeping this short, I’ll spare you the details … it was c-c-crazy.

    BUT in the endddd … I was let go for dubbing a copy of a song from one of their kark disc they sang from.
    It was a kind gesture on my part to even OBLIGE THEIR REQUEST to sing from their own disc. I didn’t have to do that, ya know.
    So THAT’s what I get/got for extending a courtesy to guests.

    They called me a “thief”.
    MEEE …  a THIEF!???  
     OH MY GOD!!!

    So after the drama …  I left the company without a fight, and didnt look back. Didnt even share these views with Chris (Unsted) or anyone at HQ … til now.
    My thought “if something as simple as copying a song from a disc leads to THIS … then I wasn’t suppose to be here !”

    John, (not bragging) but I had stackssss of comment cards and person to person comments from guests like Terri who LOVED ME!!

    I was innovative with my shows … I ran kark not so like standard “bar & grill style karaoke” … more like a “Vegas variety show”… with short “commercials” (for the bar), plenty of comic moments, recruited guests “back-up dancers”, etc. … lights camera, action … SHOW TIME, babyyyyy!!  
    And plusssss, I involved the wait & bar staff etc. – kept their names in flow constantly (and their “cash registers ringing”)

    My focus was to entertain “THE HOUSE”, EVERYbody … not just the few “hard-core karaoke enthusiast” who cared only to massage their own egos, showcasing themselves and hogging the spotlight alllllllllllllll night. 

    So when Terri said “Carnival has a gem in Vinz”, yes, I brought aLOT to the table (to toot my own horn). I brought entertainer “know how” and people skills from my experience working and living in Las Vegas.

    Sooooo, in closing, to read that comment on your blog from someone who “dug me” kind of helped kill the bad taste in my mouth from the unfortunate scene in which Carnival and myself parted ways.

    BTW, see some fan comments of mine  @  myspace /vinzbrown

    so therrrrrrrrrre …. FINALLY
    … it’s off my chest !!!!!!!

    Thanks for listening, sir.

    happy cruising … cheers,
    Vinz Brown

  54. Karen Delvecchio says:

    John-
    I am sailing Carnival Freedom on March 26th. We have had San Juan canceled on us and I was wondering if this will affect the placement of the “cruise elegent/formal” nights. Can you check with the Beards if anyone knows? We want to schedule the steakhouse, but don’t want to miss dining with my kids in the main dining room if it is “fancy” night! :)
    Thanks!

  55. Megan Goerl says:

    Dear John, My husband and I are cruising on April 9th on the Inspiration and I cannot wait to be back on a cruise ship. Since I have discovered your blog I have found it addictive and I already want to book another cruise. Right now my husband is currently deployed for the Army and we are taking this trip as a homecoming/ Anniversary trip for us. Our 6 year anniversary was on January 20th and I have read that you might be able to have something for us on the cruise? I hope I am in the right place, we are in room U170, thank you so much!!!

  56. Hi John,
    Just got our confirmation for our Chef’s table reservation.
    We would like to say, thank you for helping get our reservations.
    Your time and help is deeply appreciated.
    Safe sailing,
    Brendalee Whery

  57. Diann says:

    OK John, after reading that last response I just HAD to see what the Epic looks like. I searched Google Images and I must agree with you…the photos of the inside of the ship are lovely, but I do think that on the outside it is the ugliest cruise ship I have ever seen. Which leaves me wondering….what were they thinking?

    Oh, and thanks for the word picture describing THE ugliest thing in the world. I hope you will pardon me whilst I poke out my mind’s eye.

    Love you John,
    Diann (big Carnival fan)

  58. Marty Robb says:

    Okay, so I’m cyber challenged. Where do I post a question for the Q&a?

  59. Shirley Chadd says:

    John, We were on the Dream last year and took my Mother who was 82. You were the CD on there and we all enjoyed you very much! Please don’t let some people get to you! Their are a lot of jerks out there! Some people don’t have a sense of humor at all! We are planning a Alaska trip for 2012 and was wondering if you know when these will be coming out? Thank you so much and keep up your good humor!

  60. Kate Gartland says:

    I’ve read quite a bit of your blog, quite frankly, to reassure myself when my experience with Carnival directly has failed to meet the mark. I write this only in hopes that there really might be someone out there who cares about customer experience, and the average “joe” cruiser. To try and make the story as short as I can:
    March 2009: I took my first Carnival cruise. I didnt like it quite as much as the RC but it was only my second one ever. While on board, they talked us into getting the Sea Miles Mastercard – because, he said, the costs on board would be put on it and we could use it for Royal. A. they had no record of this when we disembarked, so we were unable to charge it to the seamiles card. B. I tried unsuccessfully for months to get it straightened out and when someone FINALLY responded to multiple inquiries, they said it was too late to fix it. C. then they changed it to funpoints so I would have to use carnival if I wanted to use the points anyway.
    So we start fresh and booked a Carnival cruise for this April. I talked with 2 or 3 different people on the phone at Carnival before I booked; and updated all my contact info from the first time I traveled with you – including the new email and mailing addresses. I booked the first week of Jan 2011. I asked about including flights and was told they didn’t know the costs but that someone would call me the following Monday to discuss. No one did… and the airfare appeared on my bill! I called and talked with three different people, only to discover that 1.) they assured me that this could not have happened (?) 2.) they had the wrong email address still 3) they had the wrong address and State! 4.) my traveling companion also had totally incorrect information in her profile (even the wrong COUNTRY!) , and she had never traveled with Carnival! I insisited on speaking with a supervisor about the airfare and was put on hold for about 10 mins. When the operator returned she informed me that it had been removed from my bill, and that all the information in my profile had been updated and was now correct. Later that day, my traveling companion tried to pay off her cruise on line and it would not allow her to do so, so she had to telephone Carnival in order to pay. A week later, (today) I tried to pay off my cruise. It states my addresses don’t match (AGAIN). I called and was put on hold for 15 mins. I gave up. I called the computer help people and they said there is no info available to them about my booking. The fun check in thing wants info from my passport that is outdated but the site wont go through without it (City that issued the passport – this no longer exisits on passports!!)
    Honestly?
    A company that is this big, with this many customers, can’t manage such simple things? I am so very disenchanted. I do not intend to ever travel with Carnival again, this has been a huge hassle from the get go. I hope this is the end of the misery but Im really worried that this vacation just might be much more of the same.

  61. Sara Bodie says:

    Hi there! I’m very much looking foward to sailing on the Carnival Dream on April 23rd, 2011. There will be 6 of us sailing and we were interested in dining at the chef’s table. We were hoping for Thursday, April 28th. Thank you for any assistance you can give!

  62. Randy Dye says:

    John,
    We are cruising on the Victory on March 6th. This will be the 3rd cruise for my wife and I. Our first cruise was in March of 2004 on the Freedom while you were cruise director. What a great time we had, laughed so hard. You kept us entertained at the expense of a man called Willey Banger in his sponge Bob boxers. We are bringing 10 of our friends with us this trip, all first time cruisers. We are a church group that do mission work in Mexico every summer. Should be a good time. Thanks for the good times. We are already looking to book cruise #4 in April 2012.

  63. Randy Dye says:

    John
    My mistake, it was the triumph we cruised with you not the freedom.

  64. James O says:

    Hi John

    My lovely Fiancé and I are really excited to be travelling from New Zealand to take the Spirit to Mexico in November, we’re onboard for the US thanksgiving cruise. This’ll be our honeymoon and we’ve never taken a cruise before. We tend to be the hire a car and go skiing in Canada or pack in as much sightseeing as possible through Asia types. We’ve booked one of the Aft Suites (5266) with the big deck to truly relax and do honeymoon type things.

    I’ve read about the spa and the steakhouse, we’ll definitely book those in. But I’m writing to ask if you know of any romantic secrets, either great spots on deck to watch the sunrise from or any activities not to miss? Where would you take your Latvian princess/model/bond girl? I know you’re on the Splendour which is heading to that part of the Mexican Rivera at the moment anywhere ashore that rocked your world?

    The girl who took our booking on the phone (who was fantastic by the way, even if she couldn’t understand why I said Zed instead of Zee) asked what night we wanted to celebrate our honeymoon in the dining room, what does this entail? My (will be by then with any luck) wife really wouldn’t appreciate a big scene.

    I’m going to grab a bottle of Bombay from Bon Voyage so we can have quiet G&T’s on our deck, but I was wondering if you can order tonic and limes too or can you bring them on board? Anything else to make this extra special?

    I’m also excited that the Spirit is going to be based down in this part of the world from next year. From all the fantastic reviews I’ve seen I can see us being regulars already. You’re going to have to get some New Zealand beers on board though, they put the mass market ozzy ones to shame.

    Thanks
    James

  65. Beth Flynn says:

    I’m on CC with a group of 3 women and one thread and that is it. I have looked stuff up when needed but I dont get into conversations other than with my little group. :) Why beg trouble.

  66. Candela Mike says:

    Dear John,

    After my unsuccessful attempts of trying to find your e-mail address, I am trying to reach you via your blog thingy. Wanted to thank you for your courtesy, friendliness and kindness on my past voyage on Carnival Freedom (1/29/11). I smoked the Rocky Patel 15th Anniv. Cigar you gave me and found it to be a great smoke which I truly enjoyed. Hoping this message finds you in good health and spirits I remain sincerely yours, Captain Mike of the Habana Bar. Reply to me via e-mail if you should like to, it would be greatly appreciated.
    Thanks, Candela Mike

  67. Joseph & Mary Hennessy says:

    We will be on the Carnival Dream leaving May 7, 2001. This will be our 10th Carnival Cruise , and we will celebrate our 10th Wedding anniversary on May 12, so we are celebrating 10′s! We have been assigned to early seating dinner and would love a private table by a window so we can enjoy watching the ocean. We sailed with you on the Glory Inaugural cruise and had a great time. You are the only Cruise Director on all of our cruises that we remembered by name. We hope to Cruise with you again.
    Please reply.
    Joe & Mary Hennessy

  68. mjbearit says:

    Well apparently all the complainers about what John writes have missed this at the top of the blog entirely:
    “This is a personal weblog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own (and those of some of the commentators that I have included) and not those of Carnival Corporation & plc or Heidi. This blog has no official affiliation with Sugar free jelly beans.”
    CC also is a combinations of a bunch of opinions. They each have their use. When we are going somewhere we have not been before I always go to CC and read through the posts regarding that port. I ignore the negative personal opinions posted along with the helpful info (both good and bad) as I am not interested in opinions, “just the facts, Ma’am” and all I am really interested in is the helpful stuff. What parts of town to avoid, what happens on a given tour, etc are the helpful things I am after. I don’t post on CC any longer because the jerks seem to have taken it over in the past few years and I just have better things to do with my time. Most CC posters are great folks, but there are those that give the entire board a bad name by acting as though they speak for all of CC.
    As well, I skip through some stuff on John’s blog because I get tired of reading a lot of whining and gimme, gimme, gimme. I’m also not always interested in who is playing a piano in the piano bar (sorry John, not my thing), but that doesn’t mean it is crap. A lot of folks are interested in that stuff. I think John gives a well rounded idea of what goes on with life on the ships, which I do find interesting. I also find his writing humorous (and just because I find this so, does not make me a “Cheerleader”). I find it very amusing that this blog started out being about shipboard banter and yet when someone says something about another Cruise line, some folks get upset. John works for Carnival. He is happy and proud of his company. He’s going to go out of his way to compliment another cruiseline on what is truly an ungainly looking Mess of the Seas? I think not! Lighten up. There’s room on the internet for both John’s opinion and the opinion of those who disagree. Just because you disagree with someone does not mean you get to have them fired. Thankfully, life doesn’t work according to the rules of bitter, egocentric, jacka$$es. I would bet that NCL has folks that read John’s blog, just as Carnival does, and I would bet that if they had an issue with John’s opinion of their ship, they would approach John in a proper fashion and discuss it with him. They may already have, but then again both John and the folks in charge at NCL have enough class to know it is none of anyone else’s business! Just cruise, have fun and enjoy life.
    Mike

  69. mark james says:

    My wife and I and six of our very close friends are cruising on the brand new Carnival Magic on May 10th. We are past guests who have cruised on the Carnival Liberty , Carnival Elation, Carnival Imagination,Carnival Fascination and the Carnival Paradise. We were on the Elation when the Miami Heat won the NBA Champsionship and thoroghly enjoyed the large screen tv that was set up in the lounge for the finsl game.
    I began my career with the Miami Fire Dept. in 1972 and can well remember all the excitment and news about Micky Arison and the Mardi Gras. Boy,how things have changed.
    I have since retired and moved to North Carolina were we meet three other couples from Michigan,Conn. and N.Y. Two of these couples have never cruised before(I know,hard to believe!) Well,we convinced them their first cruise should been a Carnival cruise and the brand new Magic.
    We have taken the lead and want to make it a very special and memorable time. We would love for you and the Captain to have dinner with us one night or possibly meet for a cocktail . Its going to be a blast! See you on the Magic.
    Mark James

  70. Hi John,

    I am not sure if here is where I write to you. Hopefully you get this. I have cruised only a few times (7), and never with Carnival. However having been a fan of your blog for a year now, and considering the opportunity to meet my husband in LA after a long separation, I thought I should book one of your cruises down to Mexico. Any suggestions of which ship would be best for us? We are 45 and 53, very fun loving couple who enjoy lounging by the swimming pool, scuba diving, partaking in the shows on the ship, flexible dining if possible and are non-smokers.

    We normally book balcony cabins, but are considering going with an Oceanview this time to save on room fee and utilize the difference having fun.

    Your advise would be well heeded.

    Thank you in advance,
    Michelle

  71. Tara Balian says:

    Hello John!

    I have been on numerious cruises and absolutly love to cruise on Carnival. I was on one of your cruises a few years back in Europe.

    I am a graduating senior majoring in Hospitality at The New York Institue of Technology at the Manhattan Campus. I am the president of a major hospitality club at the school as well. My step-mom who works for carnival set up a tour for me and 25 peers to go to visit the Miracle on Thursday April 21st out of NY. I will be giving the tour, and I was just wondering if the cruise director on the Miracle would be interested in giving their time to helping me with this tour. I want my peers to gain the best knowledge and experience that they can. Thanks so much for your time ~Tara

  72. jodi says:

    Hi….I am curious. I am booked on the march 26th splendor and I would really like to know if the atrocious odor that had been reported is gone? Our room is a basic room, probably no balcony, and I am worried the room may smell from the feces that came up through the toilets. Please let me know your opinion of the repairs.

    Jodi

  73. bikes says:

    I find it very amusing that this blog started out being about shipboard banter and yet when someone says something about another Cruise line, some folks get upset. John works for Carnival.

  74. Linda says:

    Dear John – Gee my first Dear John Letter :)

    With all the talk about Childhood obesity in the country today. I thgouht that this item (of which I have no ties to) Would be a great addition to the childrens program on the newer Carnival Ships. It is a Video Game Excersize biek where you control the video game with your body movements. It is called Cateye Video Game Exercise Bike. Also If the Video Arcade is not equipped with DDR or Dance Dance Revolution that would also be a great asset. Just thought this would mesh well with the Vitality Program on board Carnival.

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