I shouldn’t mention that there are one or two naughty married men who work on the ships who now and then will have a bit of rumpy pumpy while away from their marital home. It’s easy to spot which men are doing this because they will have Paul Shark blue sweaters on and their cabin doors will be latched shut. There is one chap who lives in the same corridor as me that is a bloody rabbit. Honestly, we might as well put a revolving door on his cabin……and a cat flap for the tiny bar waitress from Thailand who I saw going in there the other night.

I am not condoning this in any way shape or form although as happily married as I am there are nights when I think………lucky bastard. I say “lucky” not because of the international rumpy pumpy he is getting but lucky that his wife hasn’t caught him! I would never cheat on Heidi — I love my thingy too much. But even if I did she would know because I can never hide anything from her and I just don’t how men do it.

The rich and famous are no better. Look at the lady who Arnold Schwarzenegger had rumpy pumpy with. She was their maid…..still, in a way I can’t blame him, there is something about a maid’s uniform that makes a man…….well you know. I think that this whole thing has proven that Arnold isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. At least the chap who lives in the same corridor as me here on the Carnival Magic is having a bit on the side with various women while his wife is many hundreds of miles away. But if Arnold, the stupid bastard, wants to avoid getting caught in future, it’s probably best he doesn’t have an affair with someone who cleans his wife’s toilet and lives in the same sodding house. And how do you secretly financially support someone for years without your wife noticing, when your wife is in fact one of the most thorough investigative journalists in the entire U.S.?
Come on Oprah………… you got one more story to cover before your retirement …………. Oprah vs. the Sperminator………………..now that would be brilliant TV.

Time for today’s Q and A………..off we trot.

Rinestone Cruiser asked:
John,

I need to let you know that your comments and jokes in today’s blog about vegans were uncalled for and may I say that if you ate less meat and followed my healthy lifestyle you wouldn’t be clinically obese like you are now. I must also say that Carnival as a cruise line needs to change their ways having just gotten back from our Legend cruise. The menus are full of meat products with only one vegetarian dish. You need to offer more variety and therefore offer your customers a better and healthier lifestyle. This also goes for educating your servers because when I told my server that I was a vegan she looked at me with no understanding at all which reflected how much I tipped her. So I suggest that you and Carnival think more about this as a recent study said that by the year 2020 1 in 10 Americans will be vegans.

John says:
Hello Rinestone Cruiser,

I am not sure which vegetablists comment you are referring to but I sincerely apologise if it offended you. I do know that we have a good selection of vegetarian options on our menus and I will have to do some research as to what the differences are between vegetarian and vegan. I will certainly pass your comments on to the chefs and as for me being “clinically obese”………well I guess that comes from my belief that it is every animal’s divine right to end up on my dinner plate surrounded by roasted potatoes. I doubt I will be that 1 in 10 chaps but it seems if that is true that we will indeed have to add more vegan options. Thanks for taking the time to write and I hope your recent cruise on the Carnival Legend was lots of fun.

Best wishes,

John

Jennice Ontiveros asked:
Greetings John!

In my extensive research of Carnival Cruise Lines I came across your blog, so I’ve decided to write you. My name is Jennice, I am a 21 year old soon-to-be college graduate who is absolutely determined to be part of Carnival’s Entertainment Staff. I am PERFECT for this position, and I say that with confidence. My BA in Theatre and Communications Arts, with my Business Minor, and extensive experience planning and hosting activities for my college campus defend that statement. I know that this is probably an unconventional message, but I see that you are so involved and respected at Carnival, so I am wondering: Do you have any advice or words of wisdom to get me through the application process? I would very much appreciate any help or advice you may be able to offer.

Thanks so much and Happy Sailing!

Jennice

John says:
Hello Jennice Ontiveros,

Thanks for finding the blog and I love your positive attitude and belief that you are right for a position with us. Being yourself on stage is half the battle and believing in yourself is also massively important so you are off to a great start.

Now, please click on www.carnivalentertainment.com and have a read all about the entertainment staff position. It will tell you all you need to know and will then show you how to apply. I wish you much success and maybe we will work together one day soon.

Best wishes,

John

Andy Majowski asked:
John,

I am very worried because I have seen online that there have been occasions where passengers on a tour in Roatan’s national park have been to see the monkeys have been severely bitten. I will be on the Valor next month and am thinking now about canceling my excursion. Do you know if these are facts or just rumor? I would also like a table for 2 on cabin listing 6311 for the cruise date June 5. Get back to me before sailing so I can decide what to do.

John says:

Hello Andy Majowski,

The tour you are referring to is the Pirates and Monkeys of the Caribbean. When I was on the Carnival Valor a couple of years ago and on the Carnival Legend I promoted this tour many times and had lots of guests who said they loved it. I do remember an occasion a long time ago when one monkey nibbled a guest’s finger after an offer of food but that’s all. I can assure you that if there were multiple incidents and if these animals were any danger to our guests we would not send them there. So my advice is go, the most common comment I hear about this excursion is that it is really superb. There is more danger of a parrot crapping on your shoulder and nibbling your ear than being bitten by a monkey and unless you see Dustin Hoffman in a Hazmat suit like in the movie Outbreak ………..I promise there is nothing to worry about. I will ask the maitre d to do his best to help you with your table request.

Best wishes and have a fun cruise.

John

Haydn Lambert asked:
Hey John!

I wanted to share an experience on the Valor March 20. I am 13 years old and loved Circle C. The director, John did an amazing job! He was awesome! However I did run into a problem. Our Cruise director, Josh and his assistant chose the Circle C lounge to film their afternoon show… While this would normally be no problem they were doing it during our activity time. They gave no regards to the huge sign on the door reading that we had the room at 5. Although I regret doing it we all began to knock loudly on the door as we were being ignored by them in the room. When they finally bothered to come speak with us they told us they would be done in an hour (by that time the club would be closed until after dinner) After they were finally done after a good 2 hours of filming we talked with our cruise director, probably one of the rudest people I have met and he offered no apology or even comment. I love carnival however Josh (the cruise director) was just quite rude!

John says:
Hello Haydn Lambert,

I am very glad you told me about this because obviously there was a schedule conflict that may still be going on, so now you have told me I will address it with the ship. Please accept my apologies and I will make sure this never happens again. I hope you had a fun cruise and thanks again for letting me know.

Best wishes,

John

Burt Gulnick asked:
John,

Enjoy reading your blog and truly amazing to see a ship like the Magic transform. I have only been on one cruise – 5 years ago, and it was amazing on the Liberty. It was a surprise for my wife for our 10th anniversary. I’d like to do the same next year for our 15th and I’m wondering if there are any updates on the NYC Cruise schedule. I know you mentioned there were some minor tweaks and just hoping there is an update of when they are coming out. Thanks always for the entertaining read.

Best regards,

Burt

John says:

Hello Burt Gulnick,

That was a wonderful surprise you gave your wife and I am glad to hear you are considering doing it again. May I suggest that you read my blog and Facebook page on May 26 which is Thursday and there will be some news that will I am sure have you picking up the phone or clicking that mouse thingy immediately. Thanks for the kind words.

Best wishes to you both.

John

 

Bill and Janie H asked:

It has been interesting reading about the birth of the Magic on your blog and I am sure it will be wonderful times ahead as you sail in Europe. But what is Carnival thinking by putting the ship in Galveston! My wife and 3 children had a recent cruise on the Conquest and even though the ship and the crew were good the Texans spoiled our vacation with their rude and common behavior. I am sure that after a year in Galveston your magic ship will look like she is 10 years old. The kids were running everywhere and the parents couldn’t have cared less. We will never ever take a cruise out of Texas again. I don’t think Carnival has thought this through have they?

John says:
Hello Bill and Janie H,

I am glad you have enjoyed reading the blogs about this beautiful ship and I really do hope you get to see her one day soon. I have said before how much I loved cruising out of Galveston and how the people who cruise from their love our product so it’s no surprise at all that we have given the port a new ship. I have no doubts at all that she will be a huge success. I should I think point out that the vast majority of the time children sailing with Carnival are well behaved and the Carnival Conquest attracts guests from all over the country. I do you hope you had a great cruise and you should seriously consider cruising here on your Carnival Magic as she is a wonderful ship.

Best wishes to all.

John


Grant Ackland asked:

John!

I will be sailing on the Freedom next month with my girlfriend of 3 years and I am definitely going to ask her to marry me. Do you have any ideas or suggestions to make this special? Can you help me?

John says:
Hello Grant Ackland,

It will be my pleasure to help you. What I need you to do is write your name and cabin number with the words “Marriage Proposal” on it and leave it as soon as you are onboard for the attention of Ryan Fitzgerald, the brilliant cruise director, at the guest services desk. I will alert him and he will offer you a chance to propose on stage which I am sure will be a huge shock for her. Hope all hoes well and I wish you a wonderful life together.

Best wishes.

John

Wendy Jackson asked:
Hi John,

I was wondering about the spa balcony rooms on the Magic. I’m booking the cruise out of Galveston on the Magic (12/18). My husband and two teenagers have never cruised before. I was thinking about booking a spa room because I think my husband would really enjoy the extra benefits. The only thing I’m concerned about though is sea sickness. Do you feel the ship moving more in the spa balcony rooms? I’ve never had problems with this myself, but I was trying to figure out if we would be better to book a regular balcony room or the spa. Any suggestions?

John says:
Hello Wendy Jackson,

The Cloud 9 Spa cabins are gorgeous and the earthy brown colours (spelt correctly) that we have used makes them totally relaxing as do the complimentary Elemis products and the spa slippers and gowns. Please don’t worry about seasickness. The chances are always slim that you will have rough weather that will make you sick and unless you have major motion sickness concerns then this should not be a concern that stops you booking a stateroom that gets you free access to the spa’s luxury rooms and the thalassotherapy pool. I hope you decide to go ahead, I promise you will not be disappointed.

Best wishes.

John

Rita Presnell asked:
Hi John,

I so enjoy your blog and keeping up with you on FB. I have a question about cruise directors. Our first cruise was on Fantasy in 2004 and we had Lennie Halliday as CD. Then, again in 2008 we had him again on Triumph. He is partly responsible for us being totally addicted to cruising. We love him but I do not see his name on the cruise director list. Is he now retired or no longer a CD? Thanks for all you do for Carnival cruising and, especially, the guests. You are an inspiration!!!!

John says:
Hello Rita Presnell,

Thanks for those kind words and sadly Lenny retired 2 years ago and is back in his beloved Liverpool. I have his email address though and I am sure he will be absolutely thrilled when he reads your words of praise. Thanks again for taking the time to write.

Best wishes,

John


Audimans asked:

John,

If possible, I’d like to ask a favor of you Can you confirm that my cousins will be seated with us at early dining? We have requested this through our travel agent but found this request site that you have so we need cabins 1333 and 6345 to be together on our Fascination cruise. They booked late so we must be together or the cruise will be ruined for sure. I called carnival but got jerked around.

John says:
Hello Audimans,

I will need your full names and sailing date please so I can help you. Please post it again here and I will do my best to ask the maitre d to link the cabins together. Look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes,

John

That’s all for today and I will return with more tomorrow. Please keep the comments coming and your reviews and I will continue to try and reply as quickly as I can.

I have been asked a few times about the web cams on our ships that have been frozen in time for the last few months. While they are working fine here on your Carnival Magic they are not working fine on the other ships. I spoke again to the techy beards and they are continuing to work with the provider that sends our web cam pictures to the internet thingy and told them how disappointed many of you are that these have not been fixed yet. They are working on it ………….. again………….and I hope they will give me some good news soon. I wish we had what Cunard has — a constantly updated web cam that also has a map and the itinerary on it. To me, there web cam page is the best in the business and we should try to copy what they do. If you haven’t seen what they have, click on this link thingy and see what I mean.

While you are there you should take a look at Cunard’s blog. This used to be written by Cunard’s Entertainment Director Alistair Greener who has recently retired and yet the blog is thriving. That’s because it has been taken over by Cunard’s President and our man in London Peter Shanks. I think it is very brave of him to do this because as president he is putting himself in the firing line. Cunarders are truly in love with their ships. They wear cream-coloured turtleneck jumpers and blue blazers festooned with shiny gold buttons and sensible shoes and speak in reverential whispers about how the new queen Elizabeth’s engines were cast with metal from a hundred Rolls Royces. They talk of tea and scones in the Queens Room and dancing the tango before dining on peacock and chips, many are so overcome with emotion; they have to go to the toilet. These are the heart and soul of Cunard but through his brilliant writing I think these avid fans will get a unique look at what is happening through the eyes of its president. Peter’s blog is live and today he talks to us about Cunard’s affiliation with some absolute true life heroes.

Here is the link: www.wearecunard.com

I would like you to meet the head chef of your Carnival Magic, the man behind your prime rib and chocolate melting cake. Here he is hosting The Chef’s Table.

When did you start working for Carnival Cruise Lines and what was your first position/job with the company?

Back in 1999 before I joined CCL, I lived in Dubai working as a Sous Chef. I came to CCL as a Galley Jr. Sous Chef and I could tell right away it was a great opportunity for me. I could see the potential for growth and there has been incredible expansion in my years here at Carnival. What an experience it has been, learning a new way of thinking and a new way to operate has definitely been worthwhile. Operating in a ship galley and adapting to its environments has also presented challenges contrasted by many rewards. I adapted from day one and continue to strive to better our F&B operation to this moment.

Tell us how you started working for Carnival and why you wanted to work on a ship.

While I was working for LHW (Princeton Hotel-Taj Group-Dubai), the opportunity arose to work with CCL. It was an interesting and exciting opportunity I could not let go by as it afforded me to contribute to the company’s success. It has been a pleasure working with CCL and cooking on the high seas.

How long have you been working for Carnival?

It has already been 10 “short” years, it is an exciting place to work and I am amazed how quick time goes by. The dynamics of the work and the ever changing environment it has made it rewarding. I look forward to many more years of continued association.

How many different ships have you worked on and what are the names of those ships?

I have been luck to experience all Carnival vessels so far beginning from the Tropicale to our current newest ship, the beautiful Carnival Magic. The travel aspect of my career so far has kept me interested as well as meeting many new people on each vessel I go to and sharing experiences and imparting skills.

What is the best thing about working on a ship?

To say there is one in particular would be unfair to the many that exist, to name a few I do enjoy the interaction between the different cultures of the crew we have onboard. I also enjoy the culinary aspect of my job, developing of new menus, bringing out new ships, and the day to day operation of the galley which range from hosting an intimate dinner at “The Chef’s Table” to the production of over 20,000 meals per day. As you can see such a variety of duties, responsibilities can only be found in a place this is being onboard and not many other places in the world.

What is the most challenging part about working on the ship?

Well, would have to say that saying goodbye to the many excellent people I meet is one of the hardest. With a team of over 150 crew I directly control at any one time changes do happen especially as mentioned earlier when I move to different ships. However it is also very nice whenever I meet familiar faces after year or more and seeing they have grown with the company the same way I have so far

What is your favorite port-of-call and what do you remember the most about that port?

East Cost, West Coast, Caribbean, Southern and Northern Europe all have their charm and nice attractions, so to mention one place in particular would be unfair. Having said so, in Europe whilst in France and Italy had the chance to experience their cuisine where food is part of a culture. In the US, I enjoy the fresh seafood from Maine, on the U.S. West Coast, nightlife in San Francisco, which also has many excellent restaurants. This is what it makes so nice to work with CCL. In my past experience I have had the chance to visit many interesting places. Most important, it is not only the place we visit but the way of we experience life in such places as Orlando, New York, the Big Easy and many other cities.

Do you have a nickname on board? If so, what is it?

Cheffy would have to be the one — it goes kind of with the job. I cannot think of any other appellative other than the one just mention. I think if they would call me “cookie,” the girls would all think I am a sweetie.

How do you feel about going to work on the new Carnival Magic?

Phew, do you really want to know? Of course excited and very happy about it, it involves a lot of work and a lot of planning. An analogy could be made, when we go shopping for our home groceries we buy only a few bags of various items here I have to think of container loads of goods, thousands of pounds of meat, thousands of pounds of dairy, etc. This is what makes it one of the great challenges I eagerly undertake and so far I believe in succeeding in, I hope my boss thinks so : ) Anyway look forward to it and believe it or not already getting ready for the next day’s challenges.

Name a few of your hobbies (i.e. reading, writing, etc.).

I do enjoy writing about healthy cooking, this is a hobby which I have always had and a bit of this has also been published by a few websites. It is satisfying doing something I enjoy and at the same time being recognized for. One of the other things I like a lot is talking with people and sharing our experiences. It is amazing how much we can learn from each other and there is no better place than on board our “Fun Ships.” One minute I am talking to someone from Australia, then someone from Europe, in about 5 minutes to someone from Africa and later in the evening someone from South America. In one day I talk to so many people from around the world which is so nice as we are one people, one world.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Wow thinking about it seems so long ago, well I better rephrase not so long as I am still young or so I am told… My interest in my tender years was fascination with electrics and physics – “yes,” I hear you say one of those boy things. Experimenting and trying new things at all times led me to enroll and complete a few years of college in electronics and physics which I passed with flying colors. However I discovered cooking from my uncle who is a well known chef in India working for some of the top hotels including the Oberoi in Mumbai. I remember him showing me tips on how to impress my friends whenever I hosted dinners for them and what a success that was each time. Hence that led me to read more and do more with cooking until I decided to learn formally about it and eventually begin my culinary career in some of the best hotels. I was lucky to begin in the Oberoi group under the wing of some of the top chefs in India and later in the Middle East as well as Greece and France.

Will the Carnival Magic have a special dish, exclusive to the Magic? If so, what will it be?

Secrets can’t be revealed, I suppose you will need to come and cruise and I will be more than happy to explain my creations. Having said that of course we shall develop something to suit everyone, with over 100 menus to choose from I am sure there will be something special for anyone. If not I am only a phone call away and after a quick 5 minute chat, we will come up with something that will make you happy.

Thanks chef and thank you for all you do with The Chef’s Table. I have heard so many great comments about it these past two cruises so many congratulations.

Now as we are talking about food, let’s see what chef is preparing for dinner tonight here on your Carnival Magic.

  • Thai shrimp soup enhanced with baby shrimps and basil
  • Pear and buffalo mozzarella salad, herb perfumed olive reduction
  • Fire roasted chicken in sesame dressing served with BLT salad
  • Steamed Maine mussels in a white wine and Pernod broth, served with watercress and charred cherry tomato salad
  • Duck consommé, garnished with julienne of smoked duck and wild mushrooms
  • Chilled watermelon soup
  • Ahi tuna salad on red beet Carpaccio, garnished with baby greens, marinated in sweet and sour horseradish dressing
  • Sole fillet meuniere, Portobello mushroom and ginger sauce
  • Mac n cheese, garden green peas
  • Sautéed shrimp, salmon and scallops, finished with langoustino meat and lobster ginger nage
  • Pappardelle alla forestale, wide egg noodles in light cream sauce with sautéed wild mushrooms (also available as a starter)
  • Broiled center cut pork chop with Mexican mole
  • Slow cooked red cabbage and apple, Mac n cheese
  • Roasted prime rib of American beef au jus
  • Double baked potato with traditional toppings
  • Eggplant moussaka
  • Vegetarian entrée; casserole with layers of potatoes, purple onions and eggplant

What would you have?

Now let’s talk about Camp Carnival. I’ll have some exciting news about a recent addition to this program in the coming days. Camp Carnival is truly brilliant with lots of great activities and some really enthusiastic and energetic counselors who are dedicated to making sure your kids have the time of their lives on board.

When parents are on a Carnival ship, face painting and having a photo with a 6-foot-high funnel-headed mascot out are not top of their agenda. And when kids are on a cruise, lying on a sun bed staring into space all day, breaking off for a facial and watching some fat English bloke tell stupid jokes is not on the top of their list either. There is a simple and brilliant solution to all of this……. Camp Carnival. There are plenty more reasons why Camp Carnival is the answer to a perfect cruise vacation but one of the most important is that ……without Camp Carnival most parents would get bugger all rumpy pumpy. So that’s that then……..case closed.

Or is it? Before I had Kye in my life, the answer as is there another side would be “no” but as I sit here ……in my underpants thinking that there just might be. You see every day I sit here …….still in my underpants…….. moaning about how much I miss Kye. When she was here on Carnival Magic and when we took her to Camp Carnival I always felt a little guilty about doing so as I wasn’t spending time with her. But she absolutely loved it, especially spending time with other kids.

Heidi told me something that I think is very important and that is children sometimes crave the company of other kids and I know I am biased but Camp Carnival is the best play heaven at sea. So, there is I guess a happy medium where you can find that middle ground providing time at Camp Carnival for the kids…….and time for Mum and Dad to go back to the cabin to make them a brother or a sister.

Now there are some parents who simply want a rest, or maybe some rumpy-pumpy and Camp Carnival is the ideal win-win solution – the kids have a great time and the parents get some much-needed alone time. Anyway, tell me your thoughts about Camp Carnival and I look forward to sharing some exciting news about our youth programs in the days ahead.

We are in Savona today and many of the guests on excursions have gone to the Italian Riviera and the coastline that includes exotic resorts such as Portofino, the popular haunt of the seriously tanned and glamorous. I went to Portofino once with my friends the Bentleys and felt like a total plonker and was probably the most unglamorous and unfashionable person ever to sit by the harbour and eat a plate of fresh caught fish. But it’s a must see place and to fit in you have to have your sunglasses at a chic angle on your head and a few thousand Euros spare change in your pocket. It’s a chance to have a brush with an A-list celebrity and in the old days it used to be Sinatra and Elizabeth Taylor, now it’s Tom Cruise and Pee Diddley.

The weather has been marvelous and the guests seem to be having fun. There have been lines at the guest services desk and most of the time it’s for Sail & Sign deposits in cash. While most of the US guests have left credit cards, the non US guests seem to want to put cash down in bits and pieces. I think we have to find a way of moving this line away from the desk but logistically that’s easier said than done. Apart from that the ship has an almost Costa Cruises feel about it which would be good if we were Costa and the CD spoke 5 languages whereas this CD speaks two……..English and bollocks.

We are already being asked by guests about the ash cloud from the Icelandic volcano Grimsvton and if their flights will be canceled. Some flights in the UK are already canceled and many of our guests are flying back there as they are either Brits or have a stop over there so let’s hope the thing disapissatates (spelt correctly) quicker than the ash cloud from last year’s Icelandic volcanoe Hildergardisatotalbastard did.

Talking of flying I see that there is some talk on the news about some of the major airlines are going to start a fat tax. Now obviously, as I was reminded yet again in today’s Q and A by tofu cruiser……sorry………I mean Rinestone cruiser, that I am fat. The news said this morning that passengers may have to purchase the seat next to them if they do not fit in the seat, can’t lower the arm rest, or need an extra seatbelt extender.

Now my first thought ……OK second thought after………bugger off you wankers ………… was ………..what if you don’t think you’re that fat? Imagine, you show up after your cruise full of sun and chocolate melting cakes. You’re feeling good, it was the best vacation ever and you turn up at Miami airport for your flight and suddenly you are told you have to pay double? That’s five years of therapy right there.

There is just no practical way to execute this policy. What are they going to do, ask people to step on the scale? Good luck getting anyone to do that. I hate to weigh myself in the privacy of my house with the bathroom door locked so they can sod off if they think I’m going to stand on scales at an airport in front of hundreds of strangers?

Perhaps they will decide to build a cage thingy like the one they have for carryon luggage. Then us fat folks will be asked to get in the cage and if our flesh pokes through the bars they’ll be declared over the size limit. If that’s the case we should be allowed to do it naked as clothes add layers. This would not be a good thing because the sight of dozens of fat people naked in metal cages will no doubt force many passengers to vomit and airports will not smell very nice and children will be scared.

I know this decision is intended for people who are extra, extra large but once it’s in the hands of the airline staff, anything can happen. Let’s say Mrs. Hernandez is having a bad day and caught Mr Hernandez having rumpy pumpy with Mrs. Gonzalez from next door. She’s in a bitchy mood and feeling vengeful. Where you sit and whether or not you get on the flight often comes down to their mood. Or in my case, personality. I’ve been in situations where I suspect they tell me there are no aisle seats left just because I got on their nerves. What happens if I ask one question too many? I can hear it now. “Sorry Mr British chubby man, looks like you’re too fat to fly.”

And how will these checkin folks say it? In Britain I bet they’re very polite about it. “Hello Mr Heald. I am sorry to trouble you old bean but may I kindly suggest you purchase another seat because your girth exceeds the limit but we will give you an extra bag of peanuts dear.” Whereas in New York “Hey, how you doin you fat arse, think your flyin’ with us Heald ……… forgeddaboutit.”

And if we have to buy two seats then so should people with breath like a camel’s scrotum ……….. they should start screening for that at the ticketing counter!

Goodnight.

Your friend,

John

P.S You can find the Fun Times for the Carnival Fascination here.

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56 Responses to A Blog for the Little Ones and the Big Ones

  1. Ashley says:

    I would have the prime rib with a baked potato and a side of mac n cheese. Yum!

  2. GarettsNana (AKA BobsNana) says:

    I am baffled by people that complain about what you write but continue to read your blog when it offends them. My suggestion to them is WRITE YOUR OWN BLOG! Then we can all read it and complain that they aren’t writing what we want to read.

    Bless their hearts, they need to get a life. Please don’t give in to these idiots.

  3. Chuck says:

    @rhinestone cruiser… I was sitting with a friend eating lunch, she was also a vegtabalist. She suggested that lifestyle for me saying I would live longer. I reminded her that my cheeseburger was a vegetarian a week earlier and it didn’t seem to work out to well for him!

  4. Steve O says:

    Hey John, thanks so much for the very recent favor….you’re the best.

    Your OLD mate,
    Steve O

  5. Catrin says:

    John,

    Camp Carnival is AWESOME! We have sailed 8 of our 11 cruises with our kids… now ages 16, 12 and 6. So between them, they have been in every age group from 2-5 to Club O2. The activities, counselors and general social play time for the kids has been a wonderful part of their cruise vacation!

    From decorating Tshirts to Scavenger Hunts, to Capture the Flag at 2AM… the kids have loved every minute!

    So much, that we are headed on our 12th cruise…the 9th with our kids on the Carnival Dream in August. We will have one kid in the 6-8 Camp Carnival Group, one in Circle C and one in Club 02!!

    Catrin

  6. Robyn says:

    Dear God, does no one know how to say PLEASE!!! Seriously I think I would have to tell everyone of these people to take an etiquette class, really not one single request had a please in it. @ Rinestone, sweetie, there is an H in rhinestone and there are many vegaterian options, they are not always entree’s but, you can make a lovely dinner out of the appetizers, we have done that on a few cruise’s and honestly had some amazing dinners. I do believe Carnival had thought about adding a second vegaterian option, but not sure? John you should stop taking requests from people who have no manners.

  7. Sharon says:

    To Bill and Janie H:
    Since I am a born and raised Texan, I am irritated at your “rude and common behavior” comment. It’s a little like the pot calling the kettle black in my book. In case you don’t understand that analogy, I, as a Texan and a decent human being, would never think to issue a blanket statement about people from anywhere. But see, that’s the difference between someone with tact and someone without. I have sailed out of Tampa twice, Long Beach, Galveston, and lastly out of Jacksonville and I can honestly say I have found NO difference in the behavior of guests in all locations with the exception of Long Beach and that’s just because it was a weekend cruise with lots of bachelor and bachelorette parties on board. To you, I say get over yourselves and better for us that you choose not to cruise on OUR Magic out of Galveston!

    • Carley says:

      In response to the comment made by Bill and Janie H:

      I am currently on the Carnival Magic sailing out of Barcelona and have enjoyed reading Johns blog while relaxing on our balcony. When I came across your comment, well it gave me a good chuckle! Mostly due to your ignorance!!

      So I suppose by saying all the children run around like heathens on the ship and their parents do nothing to stop them is a direct reflection of the type of people in Spain? See how ignorant your comment sounds now?

  8. bill says:

    Camp Carnival remains the number one reason why we cruise. Our daughter absolutely loves it and would rather be in camp then anywhere else.

  9. debbie marino says:

    I loved the interview with Cheffy! Thank Youfor sharing

  10. Leslie says:

    Hi John,
    First let me start by saying a vegan lifestyle is not necessarily the healthiest so don’t worry about the meat you are eating. This can be proven with the success of the Atkins diet where you eat meat and fats and still manage to lower your weight, cholesterol, and blood pressure. Its the potatoes that cause the problems..lol.

    Second, the fat tax as you call it is already in place in the US. Southwest Airlines have been charging it for years.

    My husband is a very large man (he likes his potatoes too) and we always buy three seats when traveling by air unless we can find first class seats for the same price as three.

    Maybe I am selfish but I really don’t mind so much because when he overlaps his seat, he in sitting in mine, and when traveling as a couple I always would get stuck in the middle of a row of three seats. I am not prone to panic attacks but flying for six hours to Florida can get pretty claustrophobic.

  11. John O says:

    Did I miss it or did John not say what the Head Chef’s name is.

  12. Rita Presnell says:

    Andy Majowski….I hope you get bitten by a rabid monkey. Mybe then you would learn to say please and/or thank you when you ask a favor and not be so demanding.

  13. OH NO! I can see it coming. Here come the PC police after John.

    BIG Ed

  14. Ron W says:

    Comments about Camp Carnival.
    We took our 3 kids on the Glory in February.
    Our youngest (son) was 13. He had a great time with his age group. Our 2 girls were 14 (about 6 weeks from being 15) and 16. Because the younger one wasn’t old enough to join her older sister in her age group, neither of them really participated in the Camp Carnival program, as the age cut off is 15. If they had both been able to be in the same group, it’s quite likely they would have participated in the group program.
    I can understand the purpose of age limits, but I believe that parents should be allowed to have siblings in the same group.
    Just my thoughts.

    • Angie says:

      Ron,

      I agree. THey need to be a little more flexible. My kids tried to go one night. I had one in the 2-5 group, and one in the 6-9 or whatever age group that was. My kids are best friends. Separating them was the absolute worst experince for us. We used Camp Carnival one night and it was not a success for us. All the activities (themes) my daughter was interested in, was done on the younger age group of which she was too old for. My 5 year old would have been much better suited to the themes offered the older children. They both would have enjoyed either group had they been together and had someone else there they knew. Instead, the one night my husband and I tried to watch one of the later night show, we instead got a call from Camp Carnival saying they didn’t know what to give our kids for snack (we had filled out the allergy sheet for them, but they didn’t bother to get them one of the items listed as ok for them). So we went to check on the kids, and they looked like zombies (bored to death) along with all the other kids. Yes it was 11:00 at night and they were tired, but it was advertised as a late night party… The kids said they sat and watched movies and read books or just sat and talked. My kids wanted “ACTIVE” activities, but they were not offered. Luckily next time we go, the kids will be in the same bracket so maybe they can actually use it. We were sadly disappointed in the whole Camp Carnival offering on Carnival Destiny.

      • Ring of Gold says:

        I can certainly see your point in this. My middle child expecially is more focused on what she’s doing rather than who it is with.

        Perhaps Carnival could test a new program on a couple ships where:

        - kids sign up for their own “on-board excursions”
        - each event comes with a basic age guidelines of which events are likely to appeal to different age groups
        - certain events (e.g., scavenger hunts)are limited to certain age groups
        - staff are assigned based on number of kids in each activity

        It’s a thought.

      • Lisa says:

        I can understand movies and books for late night activities. Personally, I would not want them doing active things that late at night as I would have a hard time getting the boys to settle down for bed when we picked them up.

        I did use the Camp Carnival a few years ago and there was another woman complaining about an older child being allowed in the younger group as she didn’t want her daughter “influenced” so I don’t think they can really win in these circumstances. Maybe an onboard babysitting service would be better suited to some of these circumstances where they just watch your kids for a fee and not be confined to the group room activities.

    • Amanda Potter says:

      I AGREE TOTALLY WITH THIS! Having some sort of “family” time where siblings can check in together would be an AMAZING offering that I don’t see offered ANYWHERE else. DO IT! LEAD THE WAY!! : )

  15. Charles Forshee says:

    In response to Bill and Janie about the kids running wild on the Carnival Conquest we have been on ships out of Miami , New Orleans, Fort Lauderdale, and San Diego. The kids ran wild on all of these cruises. Its some of the blame on the parents but also that the kids are just having fun. They are in an area that the parents know they are safe. Only on one cruise was a call made to sercuity at 2 in the morning when some teeagers were running wild and it was taken care of right away. Get over it, kids are kids. By the way I am retired and still enjoy the kids and my grand kids. It keeps us young.

  16. ingrid joyal says:

    Rinestone must be related to Henry O. The lecture sounds familiar. Sigh….

  17. Amanda Potter says:

    CAMP CARNIVAL COMMENTS:
    I recently sent you quite an opinion regarding Camp Carnival, but I will again write out some of my concerns in my one and only experience with it so far.
    Firstly, the drop off procedure is difficult for some kids because mum and dad can’t go past the gate. They have to enter into the “unknown” all alone and this is very intimidating for little ones.
    2.) The schedule is a mess. Example one, they don’t always do what they print on the schedule (equaling disappointed kiddos). Example 2, they put an unsupervised scavenger hunt smack in the middle of the afternoon, so that mums who aren’t comfortable with their 9 year olds signing themselves out only get ‘bookends’ of time. Example 3, the Circle C group trounces all over the ship (enjoyable for them) but when mum goes to find them, they aren’t where the schedule says they will be.
    3.) The 3 to 5 group didn’t have enough variety of activities to keep them wanting to come back.

    Finally – when we set out to plan for our 2nd cruise, we shopped around (as you already know, you ARE the best value in the industry). I read something about one of your competitor’s having a program by which your children can join you for the first half of dinner, and then the camp staff comes through and rounds them up to take them to their fun evening activities. THIS sounds like heaven to us! I was also told that there is a program where each time the kids check in they receive “points” they can redeem later for prizes. Great idea for encouraging them to check-in!
    Now, I can’t complain that the kids didn’t enjoy Camp Carnival (when I could get them to go) and they did receive a good deal many “souveniers” but, some sort of incentive right at check in, especially for the 3-5 year olds, would be great!
    And last, but not least, DON’T PROMISE FUNSHIP FREDDY AT THE FREDDY PARTY IF HE’S NOT GOING TO SHOW UP! : )

  18. Nicole says:

    I just wanted to say– I LOVE reading your blogs!! I hope to meet you one day. ;)

  19. Kathy M says:

    Hi John,

    Please reply,

    I just had to respond to Rinestone Cruiser, my brother is a vegan and guess what, he is obese. He does not eat any meat or dairy products, only earth grown items, yet he weighs almost 265lbs. There are many obese people who eat very little and still cannot lose weight because it is in their genes to be obese, this is how it is with my brother. So Rinestone Cruiser, don’t say that everyone who is obese only eats meats or is unhealthy, because I know many normal weight people who are nutritionally unhealthy.

    John, please do not listen to people like this, you are doing a great job in losing your weight, Here is a motto that a friend of mine has who is currently trying to lose weight lives by, she said, “It took me 30 years to put all of this weight on, it WILL NOT TAKE me 30 years to take it off.”. John, you are losing your weight the best way that can be done, by losing 1 – 2 lbs a week, so keep up the good work my friend and before you know it, you will be getting a whole new wardrobe.

    May I give you one more piece of advice, keep the largest piece of clothing you had ever worn, then put it away until you have lost the weight that you have wanted to lose, then bring that piece of clothing out of hiding and compare the two and then you will be able to see just how much weight you have lost.

    Please give my love to Heidi and Kye,
    From your #1 Bloggy Thinggy Fan,
    Kathy M.

  20. john did you realize that we all thought arnold would make maria a republican but instead she made arnold a kennedy…

    smiles, bee
    xoxoxoxoxo

  21. MomofM&M says:

    A few months back I asked for your assistance with dining arrangements with my parents and you very graciously assisted. Thank you so much for your help. Since I didn’t receive a survey from Carnival about our recent cruise on the Splendour and you asked about Camp Carnival, I guess I will respond here. This was our first cruise on Carnival. My parents, my husband and I enjoyed our cruise. As expected, the service was excellent in the dining room and our cabin. I seem to find that a common theme on whatever cruise line we have traveled. Now as to these kids clubs. We have traveled on Disney Cruise Line and of course, they have a bank of characters and theme parties they can rely on so a very positive experience except for the huge expense. It is only for the die-hard Disney fan and not much bang for your buck. Celebrity had a very small room for kids and I never saw any child playing there. Camp Carnival was a bit of a disappointment. The counselours just looked tired and worn out. We traveled during Spring Break so that might be why but I did not get the smiles from my kids or the counselours like I did on Princess, which is where we have had the best experience. On Princess, the counselours knew my children by their faces, not by nametags. One actually got tearful when my children said their goodbyes. I think one of the biggest problems I saw was the difference between the children to counselour ratio. I think the Camp Carnival counselours are over-worked. There are far too many kids for how many counselours are working. My kids begged me to do the Glow party, which ran at extra cost as it was extended babysitting. When I picked my kids up they were sad and disappointed because although it was advertised that everyone would get glow-in-the dark bracelets the counselours skipped my children and some other children ended up with two or three. My kids were too timid to speak up. Although they were sad and didn’t tell me until we got to our room, an order from room service made things better and I used it as a teaching point that it was okay to politely request something if they were left out. I was a little upset myself as I had paid extra money thinking they would have more fun, but they came back disappointed. This was the first time that my kids did not beg me to go to the kids club and there were some days my youngest didn’t want to go at all. She was the one who wanted to live in the club on Princess and the counselour cried when she said goodbye. As it is, I think our experience was tainted by the fact that we were traveling during Spring Break on a cruise line that is more budget and family friendly than Princess and hence, likely has more children. The check in and out process also took forever. Again, I think if there were more counselours working, it would not take so long. Maybe the beards can observe how long it takes to pick up a child at the end of the night and work on the flow. All this has not deterred me from booking another cruise on Carnival and we will try again in January. Now, please don’t apologize for things that are out of your control. I don’t like reading the posts where people complain about ridiculous things and then you apologize. I am just trying to give some feedback that I would have written in the response card. Thanks for all you do. Have a great day!

  22. Marilole says:

    to Bill and Janie H:
    I am trying to look for the perfect word to describe you two..lets see.. SNOBS! That is it! Maybe is time to take the stick out of your butt and find another cruise line where us Texans dont bother you. I can tell that people like you will never be happy in any cruise line, because you are intolerant to children, and as you call it “common behavior”. For us, your “common behavior” is called HAVING FUN, something that you will never have until you take the stick out of your ass, as I mentioned before. Maybe you can cruise the Mall of the Seas or some other cruise line full of boring people and snobs like you. Have fun, and please, dont let the door hit you in the ass! Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..

  23. Ken Stevenson says:

    John – Please reply

    Our May 8th cruise on Legend once again left us looking forward to the next one, we really do enjoy them. And once again the food was a standout. How the staff successfully deals with a thousand or so diners at one seating is nothing short of amazing. Our only problem is deciding what to skip from such a broad menu. I could write several pages on that one subject alone but I’ll move on to the newly installed Serenity area. It’s everything it should be and can make a cruise just that much more enjoyable for we old f—-, uh, folks. Once again, before this turns into a novel, I’ll move on, to a suggestion. After gashing my hand on an automatic sliding door handle on Lido I talked to four different people, spent some twenty minutes with blood running down my hand, couldn’t raise my cabin steward and finally ended up on deck two at Customer Service before I could get a simple band-aid. I suspect you are as surprised as I was at the lack of first-aid kits and any rudimentary first-aid from the crew in and around the Lido Unicorn dining room. John, somebody needs a kick in the pants. I can’t believe this is normal operating procedure.

    On a much less serious note, for the first time in many cruises we had some doubts about our cabin steward. Unless Platinum cruisers are no longer supposed to receive pins. We were surprised when we didn’t get them. But more surprised and concerned when we didn’t receive Customs forms the night before debarking and getting no response from the cabin steward after calling twice. Knowing we would need the forms first thing in the morning we called the Purser, uh, Customer Service and somehow the cabin steward immediately showed up with the forms. The steward? Jose Pacheko. Maybe he also needs a boot in the pants.

    First-aid? Important. The cabin steward? A minor annoyance. Are we demanding a full refund and a ship on a stick? No, and we already have four! And can hardly wait for our September cruise. What a neat coincidence, we’ll be enjoying #18 on the 18th. And the 19th and the 20th and…..

    Ken and Lorrene
    Platinum Cruisers

  24. John Sapello says:

    I LOVE Camp Carnival! My older daughter has loved it both times we have cruised before (she was 4 the first time and 9 the next), and they tried their best to keep my little one in there on my last cruise (she was almost 3 and didn’t want to leave mommy). Thanks to Carnival for such a great program – looking forward to using it and now Circle C on our cruise in August!

  25. Tina Goodwin says:

    Oh John, that menu made my mouth water thinking about September when we FINALLY get to sail again.Thanks for all of the pictures you continue to post – Europe or a TA is our goal but may be a few years off and it is great to hear and see all of the Magic’s adventures!

  26. Nicole Kowalski says:

    I love Camp Carnival, as do my kids. I do feel a little guilty putting them in, but they are asking to go. Mine usually go in for a small break during the day, and then always want to attend at night. They always walk out smiling too. It helps to make their trip enjoyable. As much as I would love to think that being with their parents makes their trip wonderful, they need a break from us too.

  27. BarB says:

    John….just a note to Rhinestone, the Vegan.

    My daughter has been a vegetarian for 30 years (as has my son). I don’t know how that came along at all….I’m an omnivore who will eat practically anything that doesn’t eat me first…no animal is safe from my desire.

    Daughter has cruised with me a coupla times on Carnival and I must say this:

    She found the food delicious, wonderfully prepared and served, with plenty to chose from. In addition, they were so happy to accommodate her in the main dining room and the chef on several occasions would prepare something special, off menu….

    At the Steakhouse? Well, twice her meal has seemed more sumptuous than my own….and absolutely beyond delicious.

    One thing about my kids I admire.While they are vegheads, they never, never preach to anyone about diet. They don’t consider themselves to be somehow on a higher plane of existence as does Ms. Rhinestone.

    If she found the menu boring, perhaps she needs to turn inward a bit and examine WHY she chose her dietary way of life. And, it never hurts to ask, with a smile and a pleasant demeanor, if a certain dish can be prepared for you….

  28. Lizz Mehegan says:

    To Bill and Janie H~

    Wow. Seriously?

    I have never been to Texas (okay, I drove through once) but on Carnival’s Funville forum have become friends with what we call the “Texas Crew” and I couldn’t ask for a nicer, more gracious group of people to call my friends. Your generalization about Texans was quite rude.

    I’m sure my friends won’t miss you when they cruise from Galveston on “their” Magic.

  29. Enza Vogel says:

    Hey John! I have a question/comment abt Camp Carnival for ya. We are booked on the Imagination for october and will be taking our 1 yr old and our friends are bringing their (at time of sailing) 7 month old. How come Carnival does not accept infants, unless its for babysitting at night? We want to drop our daughter off there, but I feel it will be rude to our friends who can’t leave their daughter there as well. I know the Mouse accepts infants, but then again they are geared more towards kids anyways. No biggie thought, we’re all booked on the Magic for next yr, and all of the kids will be of age for camp. Love ya John! See ya on Facebook!

  30. Trace Blackmore says:

    John,
    We are on the current sailing of The Magic. Although my wife has enjoyed you blog for months getting ready for our cruise, I had no idea who you were until we boarded. Your wit and style are fantastic. You made us laugh harder than we can remember on any of our other 8 cruises during the ‘Get to know you’ show.

    Keep up the great work!!

  31. Dana Winfrey says:

    Hi John!
    We are booked on the Carnival Magic for July 10-17, 2011.
    We would like to book our excursions online to ensure availability of our selected activities.
    We are traveling with a 13 year old and two 15 year olds.
    In the Youth Program descriptions, there is a mention of teen-only shore excursions.
    Can you please let us know what those teen-only shore excursions are?
    The adults would like to enjoy some wine tasting while in Italy, but this would not be a desirable activity for the teens.
    If we knew the days and times of the teen-only excursions, we could plan our days so that everyone could do something that they enjoy.
    I could not find the information online and when I called Carnival, they directed me to email to shoreexcursions@carnival.com, but I have not heard back from them yet.
    I hope you can help us!
    Thanks,
    Dana

  32. Christopher Butler says:

    Don’t worry too much about the Vegans John, It’s been my experience that the lack of B-12 in their diet has caused their brains to shrivel up. That is the only explanation I have for people just out and calling you fat (personally I think you fall into average American, just need to correct your accent). and if they really don’t like it and want the “Natural order of things” us carnivores could always eat those rude herbivores. Thats what they get for creating vegan food for cats, a known, strict, carnivore.

  33. barbara mangum says:

    Dear John
    Not sure if you can help me, or give me any advise. We will be going on the splender on the week of the 16th of oct. We have the money for the cruise, not any for the outings. What do you suggest we can do when we are off the boat? I know you must know, how to have fun on a budget. Thanks for your help.

  34. Loretta Wampler says:

    The only thing that I can think of to make Camp Carnival better is instead of closing it for an hour in the afternoon and before dinner and such is to have a deal where you can pay $5 or so for each child to keep them in during that time.

  35. Loretta Wampler says:

    My sister was once on a 3 night cruise with a raging gallbladder. She had to keep her total fat grams to less than 5 a day and she did fine!

    • Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

      Loretta: I can totally relate…

      In October 2008, I found out I had a gallstone. I had 5 cruises booked ending with the BC2 in Feb 2009.

      My solution was to eat almost no fat for 4 months until I could have it removed. So for 4 months (5 cruises) … I ate no fat on a Carnival cruise ships and had wonderful meals.

      Linda

  36. Margaret says:

    My husband and I cruised on the second sailing of the Carnival Magic out of Barcelona and absolutely loved it. We had a Cloud 9 Spa Balcony room. We’re already scheduled for the first cruise on the Magic after it is repositioned to Galveston.

    When is Carnival going to ditch the American cheese and offer Cheddar? That was my only food complaint. The food was amazing and our waiter Vladimir and his helper Jaroslav were the best!!

  37. Ally says:

    I think the fire roasted chicken with sesame dressing sounds wonderful! Hope the serve it on my Carnival Dream cruise in March 2012!

  38. Lisa Bazylewski says:

    Hi John
    I just wanted to let you know that while our group as well as many others are disappointed in not stopping at Half Moon Cay Feb 5th ( Feb 4th 2012 Liberty Sailing )
    and although we the guests can find many solutions to this problem, we truly do not hold you accountable, and basically you are our sounding board for our frustration for the beards…. I understand that some people cruise for the ship, some cruise for the CD such as yourself, but we cruise for the ports of call, now in all fairness if we were to miss Nassau, nobody would be jumping up and down screaming, but we are because it is Half Moon Cay, the MOST beautiful island Carnival calls upon..
    Now if I may offer some suggestions to replacing the HMC port of call,
    Some of the solutions would be
    1. Having the Maasdam switch the day it is in Nassau ( Jan 28th ) for Half Moon cay and the day it is HMC, go to Nassau… It’s a win win situation…LOL
    2. Extend the day at Nassau, beyond 2pm…
    3. Extend the grand turk time in port and keep Nassau 7-2…
    4. Adding Freeport instead of Nassau,
    Freeport sounds more desirable than Nassau right now…

    thanks for being our sounding board and our voice…

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