Lost in Translation

June 20, 2011 -

John Heald

Well that was the week that was and today I start a new week of blogging and Facebooking. Those last few days were tough as everyone said exactly how they felt as non-smokers and smokers took up arms to wage war against the other and I couldn’t help but think…….was I to blame? If I didn’t have the blog and the Facebook page would it have gotten so hostile? But then again, that’s the Internet in a nutshell, isn’t it?

Blogs, Facebook, Twitter are all places in which people are suddenly prepared to share anything from heartbreak, marital discord and a diagnosis of syphilis to what they would like to do to someone who was smoking on the balcony next to their cabin. Look at me, I have confided that I write in my underpants and that a recent night of passion was a huge flop because of two Teletubbies and a purple sodding dinosaur. There was heartbreak on the ship over the weekend when one of the staff members here on the Carnival Magic discovered his girlfriend who is on the Carnival Liberty had broken up with him because her Facebook page stated “Relationship: not in one.”

But where does it end? Do I reveal too much? Are those folks who write that they hate the blog and me because of its content and my style………if I have one……of writing…..are they correct?  I guess though after starting this blog back in 2007 I decided the more personally revealing the blog, the higher the number of regular readers I would have. Is there then a temptation to expose more and more of myself, like a Latvian stripper peeling of her clothes? The blog now has more than 10 million views plus 14,000 mates are with me on Facebook and more and more and especially after the whole smoking thing I realise the more I make my private life public, the more I make the decisions the beards make at Carnival, the more I seek attention in the broad a manner I do, the more I am inviting not just the fun and the kind people, but the angry and aggrieved as well.

This of course is my decision and I stand by it. I really feel that you all want to know what’s happening on the ships and at Carnival. When I first started writing I began to quickly work out that writing about a guest’s irrational behavior and complaints, coupled with an offer to help where I could, attracted more comments and got more readers than the “another happy day at Carnival and everything we do is just perfect” variety.

The trouble is that, unlike face-to face conversation, we have no idea how what I write in my blog and on Facebook and indeed the comments you post are being received. I am no Sigmund Fraud or whatever his name was and I don’t have a beard but I think it’s safe for me to say that writing on Facebook or the blog or on Cruise Critic-type opinion boards make us “braver,” more forthright than we would normally be, the better to impress our personalities on others.

I once wrote that the blog saved my job. Heidi had just given birth to Kye and it was my first time away from them both. Until Kye was born I never realised I could love something so much as I love my daughter and missing her and Heidi ate at my soul. I would return to the cabin after a show and sit there with nobody to talk to and my girls thousands of miles away. The blog though helped me so much and when I am away from them it still does. have. Quite simply blogging and now Facebooking for me is quite simply……. the silent way to ensure staying sane sometimes. It can though take over if I let it. Last night I had to talk to a guest who was upset about one of the numbers in the Groove Line production show. It features a tribute to the brilliant Jackson 5 and has 4 lifelike puppets and………you know what I am not going to bother explaining anymore except to say that it’s the most popular number in the show and the surprise at the end is always greeted with huge applause and much laughter. Anyway, one couple didn’t like it and demanded to see me. And as I stood with them in the lobby listening to them shout and scream and make ridiculous accusations, all I could think about was not what can I say to make these guests happy and understand we meant no offence, but rather what a bloody brilliant story this is going to make for the blog. And that is so wrong.

So I guess this waffling is a way for me to say thank you for the feedback you gave me and the beards last week. There were hundreds of comments on the blog and many many more on Facebook. Your feedback regardless of whether you like or dislike what Carnival does and what I and other sat is vital. Feedback is what keeps you in touch with Carnival and Carnival in touch with you. Although there were times during the New York release and the smoking debate that I would have happily said “bugger this.” But here I am, still blogging and ready to answer your questions in my underpants once again……….let’s crack on shall we?

Helen Lane Asked:
We are going on Magic in August 2011. Are there any treadmills or other cardiovascular machines on the ship? There seems to be a running circuit which people will probably walk across and hot. Please reply, thanks.

John Says:
Hello Helen Lane

Asking me about what equipment is in the gym is like asking the Pope for a lap-dancing club recommendation. Luckily I know people and they tell me there are in fact 11 treadmills in the huge gym on deck 11 forward as well as other equipment that I have never seen. Seriously Helen the gym here is amazing and we have an outdoor gym as well on the SportSquare. I will see you very soon and if you have any other fitness questions please ask me.

Best wishes
John

Anthony Mecchi Asked:
John,I would like to do something special for my wife of 25 years, she has had a tough last year as I have been busy at work and this is our first vacation since January!  We will be on the Destiny on July 2nd and the day we are in the Grand Cayman islands will be the anniversary day. I think it would be great that when she returned she would find the cabin we are in which 2367 decorated and some champagne and anything else you can think of. My other question is that I have booked a tour of the stingray swim centre and it’s not with Carnival. The tour says we have to meet on the island at 8:00am so I need to be the first off the ship so that will need to be arranged. Do you do that or do I do that on the ship. This is our first Carnival cruise and we are very excited. I also want a table for 2 so it’s extra special and can you confirm by e mail so I know this has all been arranged.

A.M. Mechi CPA
New York, New York.

John Says:
Hello Anthony Mecchi

I am also excited that you are taking your first cruise with us and I know that you will have a brilliant time. We can certainly decorate your state room for you and this though will have to be pre arranged and paid for by you through www.carnival.com/bonvoyage. There are loads of anniversary options and among them is the one where while you are ashore the crew will decorate your cabin. I will also make sure that I send her something from me. As regards the tendering ashore in Grand Cayman. Well the ship arrives at 8 am and the first tender is at around 8:10 am so that will be fine for you to be on and full instructions will be given by the cruise director and written in your on board program called the Fun Times. I would advise the people you are touring with that you won’t be ashore on the pier until 8:30am. That would be my advice. Have a great time and a happy anniversary cruise.

Best wishes
John

Bret McKee Asked:
Hey John

Where can I find a 2011-2012 CD assignments? We are booked on the Triumph in September and are curious who our CD will be on that cruise. Thank you

Bret

John Says:
Hello Brett

There is a list at the bottom of this blog thingy. Down there……all the way down……at the bottom ……..no, the other bottom…..there…….. yep under JOHN’S HELP DESK…..now click on that ….. that’s right and there you go. As you will see your CD will be the one and only Big Tex or as it says there “Jeremy Mayes” which is the name nobody calls him. He is a great chap and you will have loads of fun with him I promise. Please let me know if you have any other questions.

Best wishes
John

Sue H Asked:
John,

I really love your blog and read it every morning with my coffee and it brings me much laughter for which I thank you. There hasn’t been much laughter in my life recently since I lost my son in Afghanistan in 2009 and I still miss him very much of course. The reason I am telling you this is because I found a photo of him and you from a cruise we did on the Triumph in 2001. Joshua was 14 then and you and the captain had a photo taken with him on dress up night. I have finally gotten around to making his scrapbook and needed to ask you if you could find out the name of the Captain. We cruised in June of 2001. I know this may seem trivial but it would mean so much to me if I could write under the photo his name along with yours and Joshua’s. Thanks so much for this John. Joshua enjoyed two cruises with Carnival and we always talked about you and your shows which he laughed so much at like his Mom is doing sometimes with your blog.

John Says:
Hello Sue H

Oh, Sue. My heart is so heavy after reading that extraordinary post and I wish so much that I was there with you to give you a big hug and to sit and listen to you talk about your son and how very proud you must be of him. I did some research and in June 2001 the master of the Carnival Triumph was Angelo Los who is a great friend of mine and with whom I will share this with. If you can think of anything else that you might need, please do let me know and on behalf of the many thousands of readers of this blog may I say that we are thinking of you and your family and of Joshua who will all remember in our thoughts and prayers tonight.

John

Jim Ashmead Asked:
Dear John,

Our Cruise Critic Roll Call would like to have a Meet and Greet at 3:00 before our September 16 sailing of the Carnival Magic. We were wondering if the Red Frog would be a good place to have it. From the pictures I have seen, it does look like it could handle the regular customers plus our group of 100 or so.  If not, we could always spill out to The Lanai with our group.  Do you think this would work out for us?  Or do you have any other suggestion that might work out better?

Jim

John Says:
Hello Jim

We have had 2 Cruise Critic roll call meeting thingies in the RedFrog pub recently and both have been excellent and well attended. The RedFrog has a brilliant atmosphere and I think it’s a great first meeting point for you all and more than big enough. My only comment is that we have an orientation talk at 3:30 pm which covers the gangways, documentation and arrival/departure times etc as well as some things to do and not to do. Now this maybe something you may not be interested in and if not then 3 pm is fine or you can move to 2:30 pm if you wish. Either way we have plenty of time so have a chat with your group and let me know here or on Facebook. I will see you all soon.

Best wishes
John

Janey – OKGIRL Asked:
John (Please Reply),

I just saw the new ship pin being passed out on the Carnival Magic to Platinum guests…….how disappointing that they don’t have the ship name but only say “CARNIVAL PLATINUM.” Not really too thrilled with the change……….I guess they will go in the box with the 20 picture frames and 6 coolers that I already have… But to my question……Is there any chance that the beards will rethink this design and return us to the pins that have the actual ship name on them? Thanks in advance for your reply.

John Says:
Hello Janey – OKGIRL

Could not agree with you more Janey. The new generic, non-ship-specific pin is not what we should be handing out and I apologise that we are. Now, there are plans for a new pin. It is far more of a collector’s item and will be ship specific and will also represent Platinum status. These are being made this year and will be ready when we launch the new loyalty program in 2029 …… kidding. I say 2029 only because I have been promising details on this for a long time now but the beards will not be launching it until early next year when amongst other brilliant things will be the new pin. So please forgive the current one which is being used until the new one arrives.

Best wishes and thanks so much for your loyalty
John

Aleja Asked:
Today your blog had a comment from someone who cruised with Carnival on a boat from Miami and the family did not understand anything as they spoke no English. I had a similar experience when I went on the ship for my Quinceañera, cruise for my sister’s birthday last year on the Valor. We were a group of 280 Cuban Americans who had older people with us who did not speak English yet the ship people made no effort to speak Spanish. The older generation does not speak any English and if Carnival advertises in Miami and cruises from Miami then some shows, some information must be given in Spanish. Hispanics now make up about 60 percent of Miami’s population. Please do more and you will get more business from Miami people. These are my observations.

John Says:
Hello Aleja

First of all I have attended many Quinceanera celebrations on the ships and they are truly beautiful ceremonies that show the proud sense of family tradition that is embedded in the Cuban culture. I do realise that each and every week on all our ships that we carry guests of many nationalities, some of whom may not speak English. While we do provide translated dinner menus and Fun Times, the language spoken on the ship is English and all the shows, announcements, etc. are made as such. I do hope you had a great time and your sister I am sure looked stunning in her white dress. Best wishes

John

Andrew Slater Asked:
John…

I have been reading on Cruise Critic about how drills for lifeboat muster have become really unorganized and that hundreds of passengers do not attend and the crew does nothing about it not enforcing them to attend, letting people walk away, and even allowing talking and drinking at the muster stations. This if true is a serious matter and must be addressed.

John Says:
Hello Andrew Slater

Please allow me to forge the pleasantries and cut right to the chase. The suggestion that we are diminishing the level of importance we place in the drill is also far from the truth.  Simply put, we must take the drills seriously because if we don’t our ships wouldn’t sail…..period. That’s because the drills are held within the requirements of United States Coast Guard regulations. All the guest staterooms are checked by the stateroom stewards as are the balconies, behind the shower curtains and they even look under the bed and in the safe to make sure nobody is hiding.  The security staff will walk the lounges and open decks making sure everyone goes and we stop all bar service and all activities until the drill is over. Guest safety is still our priority before anything else and if any crew member was ever found not making that so he or she would be in very deep trouble. I can honestly say that in my 24 years at sea the training all the crew receive regarding guest and personal safety has never been greater. However I will say this. If anyone feels that while they were at the drill that there were ways we could improve it please let us know immediately because as I said……the safety of our guests is absolutely our number one goal.

Best Wishes
John

Rochelle Washington Asked:
Can you tell me who the comedians will be at the Punchliner comedy shows for our cruise on June 23rd. we were on the Fascination last year and the comedians were really funny. Our favorite was Percy Cruise and we were hoping he would be there.

Thanks
John

John Says:
Hello Rochelle Washington

Percy Crews is indeed one of our funniest comedians and the Punchliner comedy club has been a massive success for sure right across the fleet. Here is the line up for your cruise and you once again have 2 very funny comedians.

 

Thu, Jun, 23 Canaveral Welcome Aboard Show Michael Macy / Allyn Ball
Fri, Jun, 24 Nassau Curves Deck Party
Sat, Jun, 25 at sea Far From Over Michael Macy / Allyn Ball

 

Have a brilliant time.

Best wishes
John

 

That’s all for today.

Well you nearly didn’t get a blog today because this morning, June 20, 2011 my Dell computer woke up and decided it was bored and that it would piss me off. I sat here at 6:40am, in my underpants and turned Mr. Dell on and……nothing. All I got was a blue screen. No annoying chiming tone as windows loaded. Nothing. My screen was as empty and devoid of life as Bath and Body works shop in Paris.

I think I have mentioned here in this blog thingy of ours once or twice about the people who work on ships who never get the praise they deserve. The nurses and the doctors for example or how about the dishwashers and Ketut who is as we speak trying to coax a pair of my underpants into the laundry bag with one of those snake catching sticks. These are true cruise ship heroes and they deserve a lot of credit.

But what about the IS people or the IT people or the Geek Squad as we sometimes call them ……. out of ear shot, of course. Well you have a blog today because my computer which apparently had more viruses than the National Convention of Prostitutes was saved by I/S Manager John and his team whom I wanted to thank sincerely for all the work he and his team have done and will do here on the Carnival Magic.

Here they are

Back:
Miroslav Kljuskovic (Asst. I/S Manager), Katharina Jauch (I/S Fleet Supervisor), John Staker (Sr. I/S Manager)

Front Row:
Sheldon King (Asst. I/S Manager)

Ketut is now standing over my underpants, in a face mask, swearing at them in Indonesian.

Last cruise we had lots of Russians which means we had lots of line pushing and nipple tassels. This week we have lots of British which means we have lots of pleases and thank yous. So many British people are now sailing with Carnival. They love the food, the spectacular entertainment and the value, of course, given the US dollar is weaker than non-alcoholic beer to the pound, meaning they have money left over to buy T-shirts that show where they have been. British people love to show off where they have been on holiday and will wear T-shirts with Carnival Magic and Barcelona and Dubrovnik on them with great pride and…..to show off to their friends the Smythe-Jones.  People love the British tourist. We are polite, sun burnt, non-complaining tourists and nobody loves us more than the Americans.

Now I know the following does not apply to any of my friends reading this blog but there are some people who still think of us in a fairy stereotypical way. We all wear bowler hats to work ……that’s if we can get to work with all that fog ………it rains every day (that one may be true) and that at 3 pm every day the entire nation stops to have a cup of tea and eat cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off. If only that were true and it wasn’t in fact a country where binge drinking is a national sport, David and Victoria Beckham are worshipped as gods and where parts of our cities are only safe to walk around at night if you have hired a tank.  I want to clarify something and ask your opinion on this but first …………. here’s why.

LIDO SERVICE

Guest approached me on Lido during breakfast to comment on the bacon service. Guest said he should be able to serve bacon himself because he likes to choose himself which piece. Guest was very upset and so I allowed him to point out what he wanted. Guest told me that he was very unhappy that bacon was rationed and guests could not have as much as they wanted.

 

This is an old story isn’t it and I like the guest, love to choose the crispy bits, the bits that look good. But of course he cannot because we serve it to our guests. We don’t ration it though. Ask for as much extra as you feel you want. The reason we serve bacon this way is to keep food waste down.  For some reason it’s the bacon that most people take huge shovelfuls of, yet eat only a small percentage. They don’t do this with eggs, sausage, ham or the prunes even. It’s just the bacon. The server will give you two pieces…..if you want more……just ask……the server will then give you two more pieces …….. if you want more……..the server will give you two more pieces……if you want more…….. the server will smack you over the head with the tongs and tell you to go to the gym. So then bloggers my question to you is……….does this really bother you. Should this be on my list of things to bring to the beards attention? Please let me know.

Now every now and then a something will happen on the ship that I report here on the blog and when I do I know that as I sit here typing it at least half of you will think I am making this up, that’s its fiction. And if I was on the other side of this blog there would be times that I would say “Bollocks, the fat man is making this up………surely.” But you can’t make stuff like this up. Nope ………this is real life…….. real Carnival life.

So yesterday, like today we were in Venice and in each port of call we have a port agent, which is basically a company that that takes care of our needs. They are our liaison with local authorities and provide various transportation, medical and other assistance as and when we need it. We publish the agency number in the Carnival Capers because if……oh FFS…….the Fun Times so that if guests are in real trouble and need urgent help they can call. We explain that this number is to be used only in an emergency.

So we all know that Venice is a city on the water connected by canals and alleys and it can all be a bit confusing. Lost tourists are a familiar sight in Venice. You see them blocking the bridges eyebrows knitted over maps that Stephen Hawking would find difficult to comprehend. But eventually they find their way back to St. Marks Square and back to the ship. But yesterday, a middle aged couple from Illinois called our ship agent using the emergency phone number. The agent Anna answered and the call went like this

Anna                           “Ci”

Mr and Mrs. Illinois    “We are lost in the alleys. My wife is frightened. Please come find us.”

 

And then he added the most wonderful line that defies belief, because he said…….”Can you hurry up as we have a reservation at the steakhouse at 7 pm.”

The sheer audacity of the “hurry up so we don’t miss dinner” is what makes this comment so brilliant. Anna did not go and get them but she talked them out of the area where they were and onto the water front so they could catch a Vaparetto. It would be nice in closing to say they gave her a warm thank you, came back to the ship and laughed about getting lost in Venice over a porterhouse. But they didn’t. They went straight to the guest services desk and said this:

From: MAGIC GUEST SERVICES
Sent: Sunday, June 19, 2011 6:58 PM
To: MAGIC GUEST SERVICES MANAGER
Cc: MAGIC HOTEL DIRECTOR; MAGIC GUEST SERVICES; MAGIC GUEST SERVICES SUPERVISOR; MAGIC CRUISE DIRECTOR
Subject: Unhappy about instructions in Venice

Good evening everyone,

I just would like to pass along the comments received by guests in stateroom______ as she was quite upset. She stated that no information was given about directions so she and her husband got lost and had to call for help. Guest said the lady on the phone would not come and get them and they had to listen to her on the phone to get back. People they asked on their way did not know the direction or did not speak English. Mrs. ____says Carnival should have crew members around Venice stationed to help lost guests. Guest is demanding refund of call she had to make from her cell phone which she said her US phone company says is $54. Thank you and best regards.

 

So to return to the top of today’s blog, there are times when I think to myself why keep going, why put myself in the firing line as happened last week. Yes, one of the reasons I keep going is that the feedback you give me which I give the beards is invaluable. But there is another reason ………..and it’s stories like the two guests that got lost in Venice and who blame us for doing so. That’s the reason I keep writing and hopefully that’s one of the reasons why you will keep reading.

Goodnight

Your friend
John

Comment Policy

Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.

168 Responses to Lost in Translation

  1. Judy S. says:

    Stupid idiots!!! All they had to do was look for the water adn walk towards it!! They could have went into any shop and got directions! I know because we have been there several times and found the shop people speaking good english! We’ve walked the “bowels” of the city and always go back towards the water and find our way back! That couple complaining just was worried about dinner!! of all things! Then they should have stayed on the ship or the pier and not wandered any where else!!!!

  2. Jennifer "the twin" Pazmino says:

    I often wonder how some people manage their day to day lives…
    Thanks for the laughs…and for making me the Mate of the Week!

  3. Susie Trimble says:

    ummm…if u are going into a country you no nothing about and insist on going on by yourself you take your chances. If you book w/carnival and anything happens you will always make it back to the ship b4 it leaves. Oh and let me see if you make din din reservations make sure you make arrangements to get back in plenty of time.

    • Wanda B says:

      Well said…if you are not an experienced traveller, or not able to “go with the flow” – then book the fully escorted tours that Carnival offers just for that reason…sheesh….

  4. john i wrote on my blog this week about problems with the written word as well. inflections don’t come through and the reader can take things one way that was meant an entirely another way. just keep doing what you do, you are doing it fabulously. and just think of those lost venice people as “blog fodder” and just smile and write about it. we all love those stories.

    smiles, bee
    xoxo

  5. JRock says:

    John, please do not make changes to the “Bacon Police”. I would much rather have them there serving me than trying to fight with the tongs to get only a couple of slices from the large mass of bacon that always seems to be glued together! Thank you!

  6. jes says:

    LMAO!!!!!! Thank you for another wonderful & entertaining blog! It amazes me the nerve of the couple expecting the poor agent to come and get them. I’m sure that the agent went above and beyond what is normally expected of them.

  7. Michelle Hazelwood says:

    ROTFLMAO HARD! Thank you John, for cheering me after my own disaster of a day in customer service!

    HoHoHohhehehehehahaha! Thank you, Thank You Thank you! You have saved the dog from being kicked, and me from a hangover in the morning!
    Oh it’s good to know my little town of Northfield doesn’t still have the monopoly on inbred stupid.

    SSSHHHHHHH!!! I didn’t say that..
    i luv all customers, i luv all customers, i luv all customers, hang on I might almost believe it, a couple more to go, i luv all customers, i luv all customers.. oh bugger it.

    • Jes says:

      Michelle-
      As a customer service rep too, I feel your pain, but at least our crazies give us something to laugh at some times, even if most days they drive us to drink.

  8. stephanie says:

    Great blog today! Finally you directed someone to the gift department on the website tha most of us use and pay for gifts and decorating!! I do disagree with your comments saying you were in a firing line….you report th news and people express their opinion and argue with eachother. I would say if any a small minority fired shots at you but yet that is what you picked up on…..hmmmm have to say itvis very similar to the very vocalMINORITY that really complains about everything especially the smoking that carnival keeps giving into!!!!

  9. Sean McGrath says:

    John mate, please reply if you have a chance.

    Hey John, I am what you would refer to as a ‘beard’, I work in IT and kind of live and breath the stuff a bit, except for one crucial beardy detail, I’m fair haired and any attempts I make at growing facial hair are generally what could only be considered as pathetic. Think early adolescent viking, (fair hair remember), boy who has just come out the wrong side of a pillaging campaign against a waxing salon where instead of looting he gets the wax splashed on his face and pulled off by the irritated waxer person. I.e. short bum fluff like hairs in patches on his face.

    Anyway, sorry I digress. I am writing to you because you have been kind enough to answer my questions in the past and I just read your blog that mentioned the IS people saved your computer from not wanting to do the simple task of computing anymore. So being an IT/ IS geek and nerd I would be really really interested in hearing more about the people that look after your IS systems and the systems themselves. If that could be done of I could be pointed in the the right direction for more information I would really appreciate it.

    Anyway regardless of whether or not you can do anything about this, please keep up the good work and many thanks for all the information and entertainment you are good enough to bestow on us.

    Best to your lovely wife and daughter,

    Sean

    • Ring of Gold says:

      “Bum fluff hairs”

      I love it and from now one this will be a staple phrase in my vocabulary. Still giggling :)

  10. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

    ALEJA:

    While 60% of Miami may be Hispanic….

    100% of Miami is AMERICAN and the official language of AMERICA is ENGLISH !!

    Something tells me that your OLDER Hispanic relatives have no problem enjoying the freedom and wonderful life here in AMERICA … the least they could do is learn enough of the lanugage to reside here.

    Btw, they are not Cuban-Americans unless they were BORN IN CUBA! So every generation following that has NO EXCUSE for not speaking English!

    Linda

    • Rita Presnell says:

      AMEN!!!!

    • Jeanette says:

      I so agree with you Linda!!!! English should be madatory to learn for everyone in Miami!!!

    • Mike says:

      Linda, while i by no means am defending the Cubans, I would like to point out there is no official language (by law) in the United States.

      • vivienne says:

        Oh, but there is. I had to prove that I could read and write ENGLISH (in 1973) to become Nationalised.

      • Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

        Sorry, you are incorrect.

        Please note the following and that FLORIDA is one of those states!

        According to U.S. English, the following states have existing official language laws on their books:

        Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, North Carolina, North Dakota, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, Wyoming. A small handful date back more than a few decades, such as Louisiana (1811) and Nebraska (1920), but most official language statutes were passed since the 1970′s.

        Linda (Mom of DJ)

      • Ron I. says:

        According to the 2000 US census, people of German ancestry make up the largest single ethnic group in the United States.

        Anyone ever asked that Carnival make announcements in German?

        People should get off their backsides and learn the de facto language English and give something back to their adopted country.

        If people only want to speak Spanish then why don’t they go with a Mexican or Spanish cruise line.

        • Michelle Hazelwood says:

          For those who have problems with others speaking in spanish, I wonder, when you pull iuntio Cabo, or Cancun, do you speak the native tongue while you’re there, or is this just something you expect to happen in America?

          No bueno. Es mala.

    • Bill and Bunny says:

      Linda..Ditto. Having lived in both So. Florida (Miami) and Central Florida (Ybor City); I can certanly say that the difference between the two areas is dramatic. While the Hispanic generations in the Ybor City area gladly speak English and Spanish, old and young alike; in the Dade County (and other areas) of South Florida, many families do not even try to learn the language of the country the are living in. They do not have to as all of the county signs, stores, news, radio, etc is all in Spanish. These generations are being rude to the country that has accepted them with open arms by not learning the language… Oh weel, so the story goes…

    • DizzyDallasDi says:

      Que? Yo no hablo Espanol. Porque? Porque I live in the USA and I speak American….uh, English :)~

      If you want the perks of living here, learn the language. You want it all…..we only want to understand what you’re saying.

      • Carrie Weaver says:

        Want it all is a key word. I work in a hospital and you would not believe the number without social security numbers that use our Medicaid and WIC. Then we wonder why the country is going broke!

    • Jes says:

      Thank you Linda.
      Though English may not be the “official” language as someone pointed out it is the standard and when I go to a another country, I don’t expect them to speak English for me, I learn enough French, Spanish or whatever to get me around. If I was to move to another country where English wasn’t the traditional lang. I’d be signing up for classes to learn the lang. before I moved and make sure I know enough to be respectful to the locals for I got there(I’d hate to call someone a duck faced squid instead of asking where the store was). It should be expected like it was in the days our country was seeing masses come to Lady Libery to learn English. I’m not a native american, my grandfaters family had to learn english when they came to the states.

    • Jay says:

      I was born in the states to Cuban parents…I call myself what I want and take pride in saying I’m Cuban-American, thankyouverymuch.

      Having said that, I agree with your sentiments. However, and with all due respect, I disagree with your delivery. It’s a bit harsh IMHO.

      It’s one thing to wave your flag proudly, but it’s another thing to claim it’s the ONLY flag we should be waving in a country BUILT by immigrants of all races, creeds, colors, and tongues.

      And AMERICA has no official language. Because if you think about it, AMERICA is comprised of North (USA & Canada), Central (Belize, Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, and Panama) and South (a BOAT load of primarily Spanish-speaking nations). Just sayin’.

      Love and Peace!

    • Pam Wagner says:

      I so agree! I was just about to post something on this matter. The last time I looked, Miami was part of the United States of America. English is our language. My grandfather came from Italy, but he learned the language. Don’t come here and expect everyone else to change just for you. I know of families who have been here 20 years or more and still speak only Spanish. Learn the language — I would have to if I moved to a foreign country!!

  11. peter stevenson says:

    now John, fellow bacon lover, and fan of fattening food, the bacon issue is becoming a bother to me, in that, not only do i find it annoying to be told how much i am allowed to be served, but the fact that it seems more and more that the cooks are cooking the life right out of it, to the point of also cooking all the flavor out of it as well, I, like you sir, do enjoy some crispy bites of it from time to time, but i also very much enjoy some if it cooked med. so that there is still good flavor in it, and it doesn’t break apart into a bunch of small pieces when i pick it up. i feel this is one of the reasons that people leave it on there plates as much as they do.
    please speak to the cooks on the lido decks, as i have found this issue on the last three ships i have been on, and i do not wish to find it when we sail on the Miracle in the new year.
    with thanks,
    a fellow bacon fined.

    • Eileen says:

      That’s why I’m all for BACON FREE SHIPS! The bacon issue is causing too much stress for John, the Servers and for passengers!!!

    • Jes says:

      It’s a buffet, we can go back, & after eating bacon we can use the excerise going back and forth for more bacon. I’d be happy eating nothing but bacon at breafast, so we can ask for a few extra pcs then go back for more.

  12. Linda says:

    John I will be sailing on Magic October 7 will you be there? I will be traveling with my brother and his wife who are celebrating there 45th wedding anniversary and it will also be my brother’s birthday. His name is Ronald Richardson. Is there any type of surprise on the cruise that I can do to make this trip special for them…Linda

  13. wildabeast says:

    Hi John….As always these blog comments always keep me wondering. I was on the Carnival Glory at the life boat drill and I spoke to a gentleman and asked if he was by himself. He said “No, my wife is in the room unpacking” I replied “She HAS to attend these drills” He said “I can’t make her” A little while later the wife appeared and she said they came to the cabin and made her leave. So I don’t understand when they say people are not attending. My understanding is that it is mandatory and this episode proved they do indeed check for passengers who think they don’t have to be be present for these very important safety drills. Just my thoughts for the day. Regards A&W

  14. John I’ve seen the bottom of the bacon trays after guest go tonging the bacon. They are covered with busted up pieces. To get their few pieces the guest smash four other pieces to bits. I’m sure the Chef can only use so much bacon bits for other things. I’ve never had a problem a simply “more please” gets you all you want and a “thank you” will get you more the next day without asking.

    I did notice that the room service BLTs now had nice pieces of bacon on them and not a pile of bacon bits.

    BIG Ed

    • Nancy says:

      I agree completely about the bacon. I’ve seen people who used to dig for the pieces they want, only to crush all others in their effort for the perfect piece of bacon. Then leaving only crushed pieces at the bottom. I say leave it the way it is. Nothing wrong with asking for a few more slices.

  15. John, Don said to tell this lady to buy her a compass……LMHO. Oh then she will probably fuss and say Carnival should provide them… along with an umbrella. Guess you need to start a list…… :-)
    Let her pay her own phone bill, Carnival didn’t tell her to call anyone and run the bill up.geeeezzzz
    We were on an excursion and all of the passenger in the tour bus were English speaking except one couple and they spoke only Spanish.We were the only one’s on the tour who did not speak Spanish. So the tour guide spoke only in …SPANISH, only when I reminded him did he use English. I thought that was uncalled for. Next time I’ll make sure that English is the spoken language and if not I’ll change tour buses.
    Cuddles to Kye and hugs for you and Heidi
    Carolyn

  16. Leslie says:

    In Regards to Bacon:
    I had to comment on your recent blog regarding the rationing of bacon. While I may be completely alone in support of what is commonly called the “Bacon Police” in the world of cruise message boards, I think you’re on the right track in preventing food waste.
    On our 2008 Spirit to Mexico voyage, my 8 year old daughter went through what we now call “The Bacon Incident”. What occurred was probably preventable- throughout the morning, both in the dining room and then in numerous trips to the Lido buffet, she managed to acquire over 60 pieces of bacon into her small frame. Each trip to the Lido had another reason: the potty, a drink, ect, but really it was all a ruse to get more bacon.
    Later that evening, Formal Night, I should add, we approached the Lido deck aft area for a little post dinner walk, and then my daughter, in her pretty party dress took a big gamble- on a passing of gas. Suffice it to say, she lost. The crew of the Lido deck was not amused, yet was professional as ever.
    The moral of the story, is moderation. I’d like to think that Carnival’s Bacon Police is helping us make better choices. Bacon is one of the most wonderful things to happen to food and we should treat it like the gift that it is and not shove it down our throats.
    So in answer to your question, no it does not bother me, and I feel you should continue with the small control systems you have on bacon consumption. It can only be a good thing!

  17. Henrietta Lala says:

    I detest ship’s bacon as it is blubbery, slubbery and limp. And, here I actually thought the cooks deliberately left it partially raw to cut down on consumption and to make it appear larger, because if they had actually cooked it, it would shrink down to about 1/4 of the ultimate flab delicately presented with golden tongs and gloved hands by a terrified server who refuses to look one in the eye.

  18. Eileen says:

    I think that you are wrong to state that you were put in the firing line last week over the smoking restrictions. As with anything and anyone…there are always a few idiots who respond in the manner in which the man took it personally and that it was your decision and he verbally attacked you.

    If you read through the posts on this blog and those on your FB page (as I have) the most bashing comments were those of the anti-smokers against the smokers (and non-smokers who travel with smokers) trying to get answers to questions so they could make a decision to cruise or not to cruise Carnival. What’s so wrong about that?

    If you are taking it personally that people are upset with the new restrictions that affect the quality of their vacation, then you, my friend, are in the wrong position as Senior CD. This is a position that Carnival has elected to have relay such information. I have worked in Customer Service for both a Theme Park and Home Builders. I also own my own Restaurant and one thing that is Customer Service, 101, is you can’t take it personally (even with the idiot who threatened you). He was venting at Carnival and you, John, are Carnival!

    Yes, FB is a problem in today’s world. It breaks up relationships, further incites people such as the smoking issue, the colicky child issue, overweight people, etc. Maybe that is something Carnival should recognize and definitely not base their decisions on the minority that post on your Blogs and take it for what it’s worth. You are right…the Internet is hostile. People hide behind their keyboards and this is especially the case with Cruise Critic.

    I think you have made some statements in your recent postings and even today’s blog trying to incite further the bashing of smokers. You should be remaining impartial and not putting out a “poor John, what I have to endure, etc.” kind of feel to readers.

    I smoke and cancelled a cruise today because of the new policies. Do I hate you? Absolutely not! Never wrote that I did and neither has many other smokers. Do we hate the new policy and think it is unfair especially on the Fantasy Class ships where there isn’t a venue that offers music, a place to get a drink and smoke a cigarette or cigar…absolutely! Hate you? Absolutely not!

    I am sorry that you have taken a biased stand on this. I say this because of some of your postings and your insensitive comment to my Daughter. She is a person who works 12 – 14 hours a day and always has been a supporter of yours and Carnival’s. Cancelling a cruise that one is not only looking forward to but “needs” is not an easy decision. Your flippant “we’ll miss ya” (in other words don’t let the door hit you in the behind on the way out) remark was rude and uncalled for and, yes, insensitve! I read so many times how you give into so many whiners who just want a freebie and, yet, you thought nothing of being rude and flippant to a loyal customer of Carnival. If you want to take that personal, than you should because you were personal toward her with your insensitive remark! You acted no better than the anti-smokers bashing smokers and you should be above that!

    So, answering your question that you put out in the blog today….if you didn’t have the blog and the FB page would it have been so hostile? In my opinion, no!

    • Barb says:

      Oh, Pleeaassee…..you cancelled a vacation due to the new smoking policies? Did you stop going to local restaurants and bars when they restricted smoking? Should everyone feel sorry for you? Rules are made for the majority – they did not make the ships smoke-free. If you really want to cruise you will go AND abide by the rules. If not…don’t let the door hit you in the butt on your way out!!

      • Please don’t try to compare a 1 or 2 hour visit to a bar or restaurant to a 7 day cruise. All us smokers can live with local smoke rules. Plus even most of those place you can just step outside. But even these rules in Michigan are causing small neighborhood bars to close.

      • Stephanie says:

        Hey Barb have you ever been on a cruise??? The majority of my last 9 cruises has been majority smokers!! The non smoking areas of the ships were not as full as the smoking areas! I am a smoker & had to lay out on the non smoking side, wait for a table on lido where smoking was allowed or sit non smoking, and the non smoking bars closed early because no one sat at them! Do not compare a 7 day cruise of being restricted from having even 1 lounge INSIDE to go and smoke in, paying thousands of dollars for a vacation to going out to eat dinner in a restaurant!! People have a right to smoke somewhere inside until smoking is illegal, watch some live music & have a drink when they are paying the same amount of money if not more depending on if they purchase suites & balcony rooms! My parents just canceled their cruise for this exact reason because they do not want to be limited to smoking in a disco that doesn’t even open until 11 pm.

        • Barb says:

          Thanks for the ‘newbie’ designation but I am Platinum……. I am also over 60 and have COPD and asthma from SECONDHAND SMOKE! We have to spend our cruises dodging rude smokers who blow smoke right into others faces! Will I still cruise? Absolutely! I love the airports idea of having an enclosed room (smokers lounge) where you can all inhale each others carcinogens without exposing others to it!!!

      • Eileen says:

        Absolutely and may cancel one more of the four I have booked! The other two I hope you are on the balcony next to me because Guest Solutions told me to enjoy my balcony if I am around people like you who make it difficult for smokers to have a place to smoke or make us feel uncomfortable! I’m planning on having a BYOA (bring your own ashtray) party and all smokers are more than welcome to come visit my balcony! Until they ban smoking on the balcony I will have my pre-dinner drink, listen to my own music and smoke to my heart’s content on the privacy of my own balcony!!! You, and people like you, who want to deny us an indoor venue to smoke are not the majority complaining! It’s people like you why a child can no longer bring a Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich to school!!!

        WHINERS!!! Light up, have a drink and be happy!!!

        • cheryl says:

          Balconies are worse than inside the cabins- smoke can blow sideways into neighbor’s, depending on wind.
          I think they should have smoking/non-smoking sides (port-non-smoking/starbord-smoking) or alternate decks, like hotels. Hallways & public areas would be non-smoking of course, but once you’re in your cabin, feel free to light up & kill yourselves.
          No comparison to bringing PB & J to school!

    • Jodi says:

      I didn’t realize you were the one that was voted in to replace whoever is in charge. Lighten up! John is the consumate professional and if you pay attention his responses are just that polite, respectful and professional. He has the disclaimer thingy and it is his blog, if he takes something personnally once a while, loyal bloggers endure and understand. Gee whiz already! This is one of those topics that should be added to the taboo list with religion, cats vs dogs and politics.

    • Marilole says:

      Eileen, you are angry and frustrated at Carnival, but yes, you are taking it on John (even though you say you are not). Who took the decision of cancelling the “much needed cruise”? YOU! for what? cause you cant smoke whereever YOU want? well.. thats ridiculous. If you need to smoke THAT bad, but you want your cruise badly too, then WALK to wherever you can smoke and do it there. Every day, more and more places are becoming smoke free.. and there is a reason for it.. second hand smoke affects others! but you smokers do not want to understand it. My husband smokes, I dont, but I would give him a good kick in the ass if he ever decided to cancel a cruise due to the changing smoking rules. Also, you need to lighten up.. offended cause John said “we will miss you” to your daughter?.. Seriously? Lighten up dear, cause life is too short and sometimes, we dont get what we want in life.

      • Eileen says:

        When I’m paying $3100 for a Stateroom not including my S&S expenses I SHOULDN’T have to be forced outside in Inclement Weather, etc. Seriously, have you cruised in the last ten years??? Since when have smokers been able to light up anywhere they want!!! REALLY!!! WHAT SHIP???

        Regarding my Post….I took nothing out on John. Can’t you read??? Yes, I am offended by his remark to my Daughter especially when his blog is so full of him giving into whiners who want stuff for free! He, as a representive of Carnival who has been selected to be the bearer of this news, should know better than to have made that comment! He should value good customers who have an excellent cruise history whether they are a smoker or non!!!

        Regarding cancelling my cruise (and maybe another one) I’ve been on six Carnival cruises this past year and still have four booked. If I choose to take my business elsewhere, that is my choice. There are other options out there…cruise lines, AI’s, etc. I don’t need to give Carnival my money when I can not have a place to enjoy what I enjoy doing on my vacation when I can do it somewhere else!!!

        John…I’m going to change my answer to Yes…I do think that your FB Page and Blog really isn’t such a good thing. After all look at the Bacon controversy….LOL!

  19. DannyK says:

    Sometimes I wonder how people like Mrs. Illinois survive daily life in the U.S. Much less in a foreign country. People like Mrs. Illinois should have their passports revoked and shouldn’t be allowed to shop in any retail store that has more than two aisles.

    Just so she doesn’t suffocate, please post this reminder in large font type in several places in her cabin.

    BREATHE

    EXHALE, TOO!

  20. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

    Sue H:

    There are no words. No words to express how much we, as a nation, hold dear in our hearts the sacrifice you have made.

    My oldest son’s name is Joshua and he is 23 years old. We just got off the Triumph (with Captain Los) to celebrate his graduation from college.

    How does one Mom properly convey to another Mom the depth of gratitude she owes her?

    Because of your son, my two sons slept safely in their beds. They enjoy today every FREEDOM America offers.

    In a world where the word “hero” is thrown around far to often, your son EARNED that designation.

    And we thank you for raising such a man.

    Linda (Mom of DJ)

    • Jes says:

      Well said Linda, I was teary as I read her note to John, and want to thank Sue for raising such a brave and heroic young man and I am so sorry for your lost. I send my thoughts and support to you and your family.

  21. Kathy G. says:

    Dear Sue H.

    God bless you and God bless Joshua! You both gave everything for our country and I can’t thank you enough! Hugs, thoughts, and prayers coming your way.

    Dear John,

    I understand why they ration the bacon, I really do. I think the reason people take it, then don’t eat it, is because most of the time it is undercooked. Just my opinion, but I like mine extra crispy. Maybe some people don’t like their bacon extra crispy, so might be that a choice should be made available.

    I love your blog! Hang in there! I really like having a forum where my favorite vacation destination listens to and values my input. So put me on a Carnival ship – any Carnival ship (as long as I have a balcony) and I’m
    one happy cruiser! ;-)

    As for some of your guests – a songwriter said it best “God is great! Beer is good! People are crazy!”

    Night night – hugs to Heidi and Kye!

  22. Karen Long says:

    First off, let me say that your blog is amazing and I truly enjoy reading it. Also, your amazing for handling most of what you handle with such grace…I never knew there were so many demanding cruisers! As for the couple in Venice…some people you just can’t make happy no matter what you do!

  23. Sandee Clark says:

    About the smoking? I don’t smoke and when I was on the bloggers cruise we just avoided places were folks smoked. Pretty easy if you ask me.

    Thank you for speaking English on your ships. I live in California where citizens can’t get jobs anymore unless they speak Spanish.

    About the bacon? Don’t bother the beards with this.

    The two from Illinois? Put on your big girl panties lady and deal with traveling in a foreign country. It’s called taking responsibility for yourselves.

    Have a terrific day John and please keep doing what you do so very well.

  24. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

    John:

    There is a comedian who once said…

    “you can’t make up stuff this good”…..

    he was right.

    Thanks again for another great blog….with some tears, a little anger and lots of belly laughs!!

    Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)

  25. BIG MIKE says:

    As much as I love everything Carnival I must tell you why people leave Bacon on their breakfast plates is that the Bacon is not cooked!!! It always seems almost Raw. Sometimes If I go to Lido Breakfast at 7 or 7:30 am their is a few almost cooked Bacon pieces. But then most everything else is great. Appreciate all you do. Mike Rhone

    • On 16 cruises I never seen bacon that wasn’t over cooked to the point it’s jerky.

      • Margot Wright says:

        I agree. I personally like my bacon slightly undercooked – hate the shriveled up stuff that has no taste, but it’s really hard to find, maybe because everyone before me in line has taken it first!

      • popcorngal says:

        I agree with you Ed. I’ve never seen any bacon that wasn’t way beyond crisp. So crisp that I can’t eat it most times. That’s ok though, the sausage is usually just fine!

        • pollywog72 says:

          I like my bacon crispy, but as a server I can tell you from experience that many people order their bacon limp. Same thing with eggs. Many people like runny eggs.

  26. Henrietta Lala says:

    I am not at all amazed at how some of your cruisers behave. Most people, like birds hatched in a cage, don’t do well when let loose and expect things to be exactly like they would be run at home if they could have afforded it. They may no longer believe the sun revolves around the earth, but they are convinced the earth revolves around them.

  27. Helene Barnes says:

    Great Blog as always John:

    First THANK YOU for putting up with what had to be a very distressing 48-72 hrs after the new smoking policy went up! Carnival made a smart move when they hired you. Now if we could just work on the underpants thing so poor Ketut didnt have to wear a gas mask and use a snake charming pole ;-)

    I also want to say a HUGE THANKS to Sue H for her families sacrifice. It really tore at my heart to read her request. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child, but I do know that ALL OF US owe her family a huge debt of gratitude for her son’s service and ultimate price he paid to keep our freedoms. Your family will be in our families prayers tonight and God Bless you and Joshua.

    As for the comment about the Bacon John – I think the way it is being handled is fine. It does cut down on waste.

    LOL at Mr & Mrs Illinois – God love them and their pointed little heads ;-)

    Keep writing John – you give all of us good information – you share with us funny stories that keep our spirits up – and you obviously are someone that a mother can reach out to when in need. Thank you John for your service to Carnival and their guests.

  28. Frank and Bridie says:

    Shaking head with hands in face over the couple in venice.. maybe send them breakfast at 6am

  29. William Jordan says:

    Wow — Sue H. You are certainly in my thoughts. John – not sure if this was a coindence or not but what a post to reaffirm what you do here on the blog and on facebook. It does mean something. How heart-warming that must feel.

  30. Sharon says:

    Dear John
    Thank you so much for explaining about the bacon, I think Carnival is doing the absolutely correct thing having it handed out instead of allowing a bacon free-fer-all…as my mother says, “waste not want not”

  31. Jenni Lynn says:

    John-

    My husband also hates the “bacon situation” onboard… I simply hate the bacon onboard! It is always undercooked and there are never any “crispy bits” to pick at, even if we were allowed to do the picking for ourselves. I don’t mind that the bacon is served to you, as you said we can request a larger serving if we want to, but I would love to have 2 pans of bacon available for serving… a less cooked pan of floppy, greasy bacon and a second pan full of well drained “cripsy bits” for the rest of us!

    Just my 2 cents… for what it’s worth… which isn’t much… 2 cents is basically nothing really.

    Thank you for all you do for all of us on the blog and facebook! You are a bigger man than I (No pun intended) as I would have thrown in the towel long ago and said FFS them all and gone back to simply being the world’s greatest Cruise Director and only that!

  32. Starr Willaman says:

    John,
    Even though it has been a year my heart goes out to Sue. She is one of our unsung heroes. Those who loose loved ones to war are warriors as well and deserve our greatest respect.

    AS for the couple who was lost in Venice I too have a complaint. Ever since my cruise in March on the Freedom I have been lost. I was taken to an airport and driven to a house where I have had to stay ever since. I miss my cabin and the entertainment and the food. I want to come back, can you send someone to help me?

    Love your blog thingy, always entertaining.
    Starr

    • Jes says:

      LMBO! What a great responce about the lost IL peeps, now I know what I’ll be looking fwd to after my cruise in Oct.

  33. Jeremy Smith says:

    Keep “rationing” the bacon. I don’t mind at all. I usually have a funny exchange with the bacon-dispensing guy or lady. Even with the current system, I have seen too many other guests with extra bacon still on their plates. Now, I want some bacon. Darn.

  34. Don says:

    Serving the bacon is a great idea. As you already know some people bitch about everything or nothing at all.

  35. Margery says:

    Hahahaha! These comments…no complaints…have got to be within the first two days of the cruise. Don’t these people realize they are on vacation? Bacon? Really? And, by all means, I really hope the Venice Lost made it to the Steakhouse in time! (Huge amounts of sarcasm should be injected when reading). If these are the worst things that can happen to these people, then they should be grateful for every miserable day of their miserable lives. Oh, too funny! Thank you, John!! Did I say, ‘bahahahahahahaha!?’

  36. Margery says:

    Oh, sorry, John. I was laughing so hard I forgot to send you my serious thoughts. PLEASE don’t ever give up the blog thingy. I look forward to it every day (never thought I’d get hooked, but I did). We can Cruise usually just once a year, so I live vicariously through your blog thingy and Facebook. Keep up the good work! Oh, did I tell you that I also spoke to the beards and you are not allowed to retire…ever…it’s in your contract now. (Hehe). Looking forward to tomorrow….

  37. God Bless the Bacon Servers who keep rude, inconsiderate morons from either overserving themselves and/or picking through an entire tray, breaking up all of their discards in the process. It’s a buffet – it you want something cooked to order, eat in the Main Dining Room and stop being such slobs.

    Ever since Carnival introduced bacon servers I’ve noticed a tremendous increase in the availability and quality of cooked bacon that was recognizable as such.

  38. GeckoGal says:

    Having worked in hotels for 18 years, three of those on the graveyard shift, I always said I should write a book about the ridiculous things people do and expect at hotels. Now that I am a bean-counting beard at a manufacturing plant (read: boring), your blog satisfies that part of me that misses all that crap a bit.

  39. boaterette says:

    Aleja my dear, this is The Uinited States of America where we speak English. And the last I heard Miami was still part of it. If you wish to be American please speak English, if you wish to be Cuban please speak Spanish.

  40. Teri Krutewczi says:

    John, I love your humor and some times just laughing at what other people do and say makes you think about things that you may do or say. Yes, there are times that something you write is way off colour for me, but that does not mean I won’t stop reading your blog and posts, you have your opinion and I just move on, not enough to get upset because it is only a comment. Never feel you have to please us all, you please us all some of the times and some of the times not. How better can that be. I think you are excellent and love reading the blog and Facebook. So no worries from this reader. Enjoy life…you never know what tomorrow brings and a laugh or smile is the best medicine anyone can have.
    teri

  41. cheryl says:

    Thank you for your change in the smoking policy– I would love to have an expanded no-smoking area in the casino! As it is, you have to walk through the smoking area to get to the Non smoking area on the Paradise (hope it’s not the same on the Inspiration!)
    We’re booked on the Inspiration a week before my mother’s 80th birthday)the 26th. I know it’s a bit early, but is there anything you can do to help us celebrate? Thanks for your fun & informative blogs & hope that you will be sailing with us!

  42. Greg w. says:

    Every guest should be asked if they are a dumbarse if they answer yes, then you should not allow them off the ship.

  43. Bill Heck says:

    Hello John:

    Keep serving the bacon please, if possible serve everything. You might like picking out the best piece, but trust me, if its limp, its all limp. This avoids the folks that cough or sneeze in their hands and then grab the serving utensil. People would be a lot healthier on cruise ships if you served the food.

    Glad you get some satisfaction from the blog and facebook. Some people sure do act like vipers and pit bulls not their normal sweet selves, and love to gnosh on others.

    Come see us when we get to Grand Turk on the Magic! This is not my idea, someone else brought it up and I just want to add some weight. heh heh.

    Your Friend

    Bill Heck

    • Lynda Ulrich says:

      Bill, believe me, you don’t want everything served. We were on a Carnival ship that had the Noro virus. Everything in the buffet had to be served for 13 of the 16 days of the cruise. It was a nightmare. Try getting the right amount of things in your salad without telling the poor crew member a number of times. The lines were so slow because everyone had to explain how much of anything they wanted. I didn’t get sick, but I kept to the deli because I couldn’t stand the lines. But I never complained either. I knew why it had to be done.

  44. Carolyn Perkins says:

    About the bacon question….I would prefer to select my own bacon but I understand why you serve it. My only concern is that I like my bacon crispy. I always tell the server that I want crispy bacon. Sometimes I get it, sometimes not. I think sometimes their idea of “crispy” and mine are not the same. :-)

  45. Phil & Liz says:

    John, growing up in Chicago, Illinois I found myself turned around at times but all I need to do was ask “Which way is the lake?” and the answer would tell me where I was and which way to go. Surely Mr & Mrs Illinois could ask anyone there “Which way is St. Marks?” and they would be fine.

    I spent 8 months in Sicily and never once had issues with the locals helping me get around.

    Mr & Mrs Illinois probably should not travel outside North America or learn another language before travelling outside the US.

  46. Bob says:

    Darn right getting bacon on your ships is a pain in the ass. Cook it all up crisp and release the tongs. I don’t buy the story that people waste it. What you see left on the plates is the undercooked garbage. Cut out some the crap that no one can pronounce…and the Betty Crocker desserts. That is where you can save money. Oh, and bring back the biscuits and gravy too. You can keep the powdered eggs.

  47. Why you keep on doing what you do? Well, it’s to assist people like me who at times feels stupid but you come to our help, make us feel so good and know that there is a great man behind us when we fall. I admire a man like you John. You make me feel good even though at times I don’t feel smart. I love cruising with Carnival because the cost is good, the food is great, the people who work for Carnival are so positive and respectful but most of all how very nice you have been to my wife and I since we met. I know that I can count on you when I have problems. I don’t have to cruise with another company. I’m with the best and the best is you my friend.

    Paul F. Pietrangelo

  48. Jeff says:

    Awesome! Love those stories about the Obama voters of the day!

    • pollywog72 says:

      Did you know that Obama has a new value meal deal at McDonald’s? You order anything you want from the menu, and the guy behind you is forced to pay for it. :)

  49. The bacon story is so funny! I still can’t believe after all these years that people are still think Carnival is trying to ration bacon. But then again some of the people I’ve run across think that you have to pay to eat in the Main Dining Room. As for the people who were lost…these are the people who need to wear a sign that say’s “If lost please return to the Carnival Cruise Line” Great blog John!

  50. MaryC says:

    Hi John,
    My day is not complete until I read your blog thingy.
    Thanks again for making us feel as if we are truly there with you on the Carnival Magic.
    My best to you and the girls,
    MaryC

  51. Charles Forshee says:

    John in regards to the bacon story I think that you should keep it just the way that it it is. Like you said if you want more you can ask for it which my wife (Linda) has done and there hasn’t been a problem. I think that that the idea of people wasting food can cause the beards to rethink the valve of the cruise. We should all do what we can to help conserve what we can.
    On and other note I don’t understand how you can be blamed for a policy change brough on the corperate people at Carnival. You as an employee are just relaying the policy that has been decided and half to follow. I know this is what all of the people who I worked with for 44 years did. We might not have agreed with the policy but that was the policy and we lived with it. It was put out there for a reason and that reason was decided by the corporate people. we live with it. Yes you can voice your opion but you john had nothing to do with it and will have to live with it.
    Best wishes to you and yours and am looking forward to seeing you in Galveston in November on the peir as the ” Carnival Magic” comes up the channel for the 1st time.

    • Charles Forshee says:

      To Sue as a veteran I like to say how sorry I am for your lost. Your son gave the ulitmate sacerfice for us to be free.I know how this is for you as I have lost many friends in Nam and in other conficlts.
      reminber that this was his choice an he lived up to his ideals. he will live in all our memories. Thank you for your sacerfice.

  52. blair says:

    John you have 10 million views. 9,999,980 absolutly love what you write. 20 odd people are not smart enought to click through your page if they dont like it. Think of us, your loyal readers and file the small pecentage of wingnuts in the back recess of your mind, where they belong. Keep up the great writing, you do a great job!

  53. Teresa Kemp says:

    My thought on the “bacon servers”: when we got our own bacon, most times the bacon kind of stuck together and it was hard to only get two; I would try shaking it apart and would end up with more than I planned on – so when they started serving it, I liked it – I think the line even moves along more quickly – not having the hang-up at the bacon section. I was a little surprised when I would read that some people had a problem with the servers! As for your blog John, I look forward to it’s honesty – no sugar coating – both good and bad remarks – and most of all your sense of humor. I am looking forward to our cruise on our Carnival Magic next year!

  54. Ann says:

    RE: The English language issue. You might want to share this with your disgruntled passenger who is demanding that Spanish be spoken on Carnival cruises out of Miami:

    We were on a Norwegian vessel, cruising in Norway — and the main language spoken on board was *English*. The crew spoke English while operating the ship; all announcements were made first in English, and then in the language of the most number of other non-English speaking passengers (in this case, German), then French (I know; the horrors!), then finally…last…Norwegian.

    So get used to it. English has become the “language of the world”…except maybe in Miami….

  55. Karen L says:

    John, when I read what some of the passengers say and do, I marvel at your kindness and diplomacy. It must get demoralizing sometimes, but believe me most of us reading appreciate you, your humor (spelled correctly), and your tolerance. I love the blog thingy.

    On another topic . . . If the new loyalty program isn’t coming out until next year, are the beards taking suggestions? I am a milestone cruiser, and I would suggest getting rid of the canapes and petit fours (we don’t need any more food!) and the logo items (I don’t need any more tote bags, drink coolers, or picture frames). What I’d like is some free computer time. And – dare I say it – REAL luggage tags!

    Thanks for all you do.

  56. Josh says:

    John,
    On a recent cruise June 5 on the Conquest. I broke a flip flop on the deck of the Conquest. I then burned the bottom of my foot since it was in the midday sun. Good news I wrapped in left over bacon since it’s rationed. Then I followed up with a chocolate melting cake foot bath. The next I requested that my flip flops be paid for since the broke on the deck. I have yet to hear back from carnival. Please help.

    • Jen B says:

      Re: Bacon

      I was on the Norwegian Pearl (we are equal opportunity cruisers — like to try all of the lines) two weeks ago. In the Garden Cafe there are two choices for bacon: chewy or crispy. They also have tongs for each and it’s self-serve. I didn’t see anyone overdoing the portions, so it’s obviously working for them. They don’t have trays in the buffet, which I’m sure cuts down on food wastage in a big way. I wish Carnival would go that route…

    • Ring of Gold says:

      (giggles)

  57. bill says:

    John,

    Thanks for the laugh. Getting lost and blaming Carnival because you are directionally challenged is priceless. Please beards let John tell them to bugger off.

  58. Tim Kriebel, MCPO, USN Retired says:

    Think of it this way. At least now when someone passes gas you don’t send them a fruit basket or a bottle of champagne (at least you don’t mention it anymore), so you’re not bowing to everyone who has a complaint. You are growing…keep it up…..but you don’t need to go Basil on them.

  59. bill says:

    John,

    On the bacon issue. It is fine. I would like to see Carnival offer some turkey bacon. I know it sounds bad but we have started buying it exclusively and it is great. There are good brands out there and are a healthy alternative. Otherwise give me sausage any day over bacon.

  60. Rita Presnell says:

    John, thank you for your blog and facebook! It is the highlight of my day and the last thing I read before bedtime.

    Sue H….thank you and your dearl son for your sacrifice for our freedom. You and your family will be in my prayers.

    I do not like being served in the buffet line. We, i am sorry to say, cruised on another cruise line last year and that is how they served us. I did not like it at all!!! I know it is not true but it made me feel they were rationing the food and I was too shy/embarassed to ask for more. I understand why it is done. I hate to see food wasted so I’ll deal with it.

  61. Andrea T says:

    John,

    I really enjoy the blog, so please don’t stop!! As to the bacon question. No, it does not bother me that a person serves the bacon. There are also people who serve other things in the buffet line and that is fine also. The only way to improve the bacon situation is to have the bacon be consistently crispier. Often times it is still very floppy and floppy bacon is no good!! Anyway, thanks for giving all of CCL cruisers a good way to give feedback. And I love hearing about the crazy things that guests do and say. They make me giggle!!

  62. Mike Barr says:

    John,
    Great blog today and it gave me a brilliant idea. I will be on Victory July 24th and would like you to put A $1000 OBC on my sign and sail account. I am sure like the Illinois people, and with so many ports on this cruise, I will surely get lost and this will save from having to ask for compensation later. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

  63. Jeanette says:

    Bacon–I have no problems with how it is dished out. If I want a few more slices, I ask for it ad the server is more than happy to put it on my plate. I too remember when the bacon hogs would take a plate of bacon and then eat half of it and the other would go to waste….it was strange to see servers dishing it out, but it works and there is some savings in food cost and food waste if someone dishes it out….

  64. Barb says:

    Too funny and unbelievable at the same time. :)

  65. Susan & Brad says:

    Re: Jackson 5 number
    Our family LOVED that number. It took the kids a minute or two to realize they were puppets! We all laughed so hard during and after the show. It was one of the best numbers – you definitely have to keep that one!

    Re: Bacon Police
    We feel the bacon police (i.e. really nice server) was very nice on our cruise. He generously gave us crispy pieces and as many pieces as we requested – all you had to do was ask! As parents of kids who can pile too much on their plate in a buffet line, we appreciated the server for the bacon.

  66. Julie Mendenhall (jrmende63) says:

    Please keep writing! We love it. I love it almost as much as a Carnival cruise!
    Unbelievable the people wanted a refund for the call. They wanted extra staff to “man” Venice so they could be found when they got lost…the next thing they would complain about is the extra staff is all over the ship! There is no room for the paying passengers! OMG…
    and sorry Mr. Dell got a virus..you really should not let him play with the Latvian laptop dancers!

    • Julie Mendenhall (jrmende63) says:

      Oh and the bacon police…I have never had a problem with this…reason being I always except one time have eaten breakfast in the dining room. The one time that I did eat breakfast on Lido deck on the Carnival Destiny, I was able to get my own bacon..of which I ate every bite! Please …wasting bacon is a crime!

  67. Cheryl K says:

    I don’t understand why people in Venice don’t speak English and also why Carnival doesn’t have employees on every corner throughout the ports…I wonder how many employees that would take? People are so ridiculous and I can’t believe they don’t know how silly they sound! One of my funniest moments with non English was in Venice and we were trying to buy the all day ticket and couldn’t get the clerk to understand. Is it a universal thing that if someone doesn’t understand your language you speak louder and slower thinking this will help? We were finally rescued/helped by a resident who laughed at us and told the clerk the ticket we wanted. It’s part of the fun I think. Being lost in Venice is what you are supposed to do…it’s fun.

  68. David says:

    We were on the Magic two weeks ago and the bacon in the lido was inedible. It had a rancid taste(smelled and tasted like spoiled grease) and both my wife and I commented how people could eat such horrible bacon. Later when she had a sandwich from the deli it was equally bad and she removed it from the sandwich . I tried to find a supervisor to speak to, but it seemed that during breakfast they all were in hiding. Could only find waiters clearing tables and they really didn’t seem to want to be bothered.

  69. Kathy M says:

    Hi John,

    I have to tell you that I love reading what goes on board ships, so please don’t stop posting them. As for the Venice couple, they could have gotten a taxi back to St. Mark’s Square, but instead they want the port authority to be their taxi. Good for Anna, I am glad that she did not send someone to rescue them, they should look on the bright side of it, they got to see parts of Venice that they did not plan to see in the first place.

    John, PLEASE keep posting the stupid things that passengers do as well as the good things that passengers do, because it makes me feel like I am there with you.

    Please give my love to Heidi and Kye
    From your #1 Bloggy Thinggy Fan
    Kathy M.

  70. Sharon says:

    John,
    Once again, it never ceases to amaze me the audacity of people who complain when THEY screw up. Kind of like the people who get mad because no announcement is made to get off the ship in a port…it’s kind of a duh moment. The ship is stopped the Fun Times tells you when you can get off, so get off!

  71. John Karczewski says:

    Amazing!!! I am going to have to remember that one the next time I get lost in port.

    I can only imagine how difficult it must be “putting it all out there” for the world to see, both personally and professionally. I know that I could not do it.

    Keep the blog going no matter if we agree or disagree, we still are following the blog thingy.

    One more thing….could you please pass the bacon??

  72. Lissete says:

    Dear John,
    I am stranded here in Miami! Come and find me A.S.A.P. and get me on one the ships. Anyone of them will do! Thanks!

    Is there an emergency number I should call? I’m in desperate need of a cruise!

  73. Linda says:

    Everyday I read your blog, I have a trip down memory lane of when I used to work in Guest Services for Carnival. Oh how I wish we had all this when I was on board and we could call the Cruise Director when there was a problem! However the bizarre guest comments are what made working for Carnival interesting, you just never knew what each day would bring, and would have fun with it in the crew bar every night!

  74. Jodi says:

    OMG! That is the “best” refund request yet? Why to people think the world owes them a refund if something out of the ordinary happens to them? What has happened to people’s sense of adventure, thier joy in life, for goodness sake thier sense of humour. What a pair! They were in Venice, the phrase “stop and smell the roses” comes to mind.

  75. Linda Evans says:

    For the guests who lost their way back to the ship in Venice situation, all I can say is, “Ya can’t cure stupid”. There seems to be a certain percentage on every cruise of people with the common sense and IQ of a one cell organism. You have to grit your teeth, write about them and then we all laugh. Someday you’ll publish a book of all the funny situations, make a bundle of money and retire. Till then keep an extra pair of underpants handy my friend!

    • Jes says:

      I would so preorder the hardcover addition, wouldn’t be able to wait for it to come out in paperback. Oh the tails John could tell, that he doen’t have time to share w/us here or on F.B.

  76. Henrietta Lala says:

    Lost and Found in Venice: Since everyone has to use their Drink and Sink (er, Sign and Sail), card to get off the ship, put a locater chip in it. That way anyone lost in can be spotted immediately, and scouts sent out. Privacy issues could be trumped under the bogus name of security. By the way, how many people have lost their S&S cards while off on day trips?

  77. Mr Smith says:

    It rained all day yesterday in the UK and I want compensation. It is obviously Carnival’s fault !

  78. Diane Shepherd says:

    Hey John – about the bacon – I only have a problem with the bacon serving is when the bacon server is NOT watching for people – they are very apologetic when they turn around and find the line has gotten really really long. Since it’s brekkie time, someone should be on alert!

  79. jgeraci says:

    John,
    I need to clarify that not all people from Illinois are as dimwitted as that lost couple. Yes, we do get lost a lot. But some of us are sensible enough to find our own way back to the ship. I’ve been lost in Venice before, but here I am ready to sail again! Finding my way back is part of the adventure!
    JoyceG

  80. Michael says:

    John, Another great blog, thank you. Still laughting about the lost cruise ship “tourist”. I do not eat the bacon on board because I do not like it raw. If people are throwing away large amounts of it this is probably the reason why. Try having the cooks leave it in the deep fryers a little longer and less might go to waste and Carnival might be able to do away with the so called “bacon police”.

  81. Grace Lemaster says:

    Re: praise for crew.
    Thank you John for forwarding my email regarding OBC postings.
    Please forward my thanks to the Beards as well as the direct supervisors of…
    Mischelle Coccera, Yvette Serano Sanchez and of course to yours as well. Was surprised when I received a call (confirming resolution) from MS Sanchez last nite!
    Thanks again,
    Grace

  82. pollywog72 says:

    Oh Mr. John please keep blogging. Today I went from crying, to angry, to laughing out loud while reading your blog thingy. I cried after reading Sue H.’s letter to you. I am so very thankful for her son’s service to our country. I know she misses him very much, and I cannot say in words how much I appreciate the sacrifice he made. I then went to mad at the letter from Aleja. Maybe they should have brought a translator for each person who did not speak the language of the ship. If I were planning a cruise on a ship that spoke a different laungage than mine I would make sure I had something or someone to translate for me. Then finally to laughing out loud at the audacity of Mr. and Mrs. Illinois. People need to take charge of themseleves, and not expect others or Carnival to babysit them. I wish I was lost in Venice right now. Please keep blogging. I believe everyone has a special talent, and IMO you have found yours! Thank you!

    • dale cornelius says:

      I dont get it, some people complain that the bacon is way overcooked and crispy while others say it is undercooked and limpy. I think it is just fine and 2 pieces are plenty.

  83. John Hendrickson says:

    Being able to serve myself bacon wouldn’t ruin my cruise or even put a small dent in my enjoyment of a Carnival cruise! It’s just not an issue. However, it seems a bit demeaning to have to ask “Please Sir, I want some more” at a buffet service at the start of the day. For those who find it offensive or a bother I’d can understand their opinion. Why chance offense and lost good will for a few slices of bacon!

  84. Christina says:

    Personally I will accept a compromise: You can ration the bacon all you want as long as we can go back to calling it the Carnival Capers. I don’t know anyone who actually calls it Fun Times. Alliteration is more fun than the word “fun”! ;)

  85. john says:

    While all in all I would prefer to just be able to grab some bacon without waiting to be served…I totally get the reason why and as a guest that likes Carnival’s low prices, I don’t think having “bacon police” is a problem and the cost savings is probably substantial and worthwhile.

    You are right…there is no way one could make up the Venice story. The absolute absurdity of the situation is appalling, but, oh so funny!

  86. Linda Patrick says:

    John, never stop telling all your secrets. That’s why we read your blog. When we were on the Magic Inaugurual cruise my husband and a friend played 3 card poker with a Russin who didn’t speak English but was the friendliest person on the boat. Kept buying them Patron shots. But my question is why do people keep blaming others for their idiotic behavior??? We managed to stay in Venice for 3 days and didn’t get lost once, even after a pub crawl. Carnival should institute an IQ test before allowing some people on to travel alone. We loved the Magic and are impatiently waiting on the Breeze now.

    • Judi Mkam says:

      I don’t know which is worse; people’s distorted sense of enitlement, their unwillingness to take responsibility for their own actions or their chutzpah!! The sad thing is that too often their threats of “compensate me or else” work because we are all taught that the customer is always right, and they know that and therefore people do give in and compensate these clods just to shut them up, minimize damage and/or get the repeat business. I know there are times, John, when you’re just dying to say,” Bite me!” or as I once said to a disgruntled member of an organization who threatened to resign if I did not give in to their absurd request:”Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!!”

  87. Carrie Weaver says:

    Aleja,
    This may sound crass, but if you live in the U.S. speak English. Problem solved.

  88. Jim Ashmead says:

    Thank you for the helping our CC Roll Call’s Meet and Greet. We will be in the Red Frog Pub at 2:30 per your suggestion. I hope you will have a chance to stop in and say “Hi” Thank you again.

  89. D. Proctor says:

    You can’t help stupid!!!!!!!!!!!! What idiots!

  90. Keith says:

    Re: Anthony Mecchi

    Aside from being demanding without a notion of thanks, he is not very aware of time differences when you cruise. His ship will be 1 hour ahead of GC time and therefore meeting at 8:00 AM local time should not be an issue.

  91. gloria says:

    OMG I laughed so hard over the guests in Venice. The audacity of some people! Your “real life” stories are the reason I read each and every blog and have done so since the beginning! And the fact that they bring back so many great cruising memories to sustain me between cruises!! You are the man!! XOXO Gloria

  92. MarkDavd says:

    One morning on the Fantasy last Sept, there was nobody monitoring/serving the bacon, so it was self serve.

    While we were eating, I looked up and a couple sat down near us. Their trays were loaded with bacon. It looked like they had split an entire pan between the two of them.

    I don’t know if they ate it all, but I would say the expression on their faces looked like they believed they got away with something.

  93. PATRICIA says:

    Honestly John I dont know how you do it sometimes. They things I read here. I have been on many Carnival cruises and there are thank god many many wonderful guests that are fun to getto know. There are however always going to be idiots that thing their !@#$ doesnt stink and that the world or in this case Carnival owes them. Maybe they should have stayed at Holiday Inn and phoned them and asked them to come out and find them. Idiots!!!!!!!!

  94. PATRICIA says:

    About the bacon. If you want a heaping plate of bacon, well you have bigger problems that we can deal with here. If you want upscale cruising go on Seaborn or Christal (where a week will cost you $10,000.00 a person)
    If you want the “most bang for your buck” and a really good time for a great price, shut up and ask for more bacon. I wish sometime you could show people later what they looked like of sounded like when they are complaining about something so ridiculous! Idiots!!!!!

  95. Stephanie says:

    I’m a vegetarian and I’m completely offendended that bacon along with other meats are served on the ships…I think all ships should be bacon free…it is so fatty and causes high blood pressure and obesity….bacon is a heart attack waitin…g to happen..you can smell it the second you walk in the room and the smell is nauseating. I do not want my kids seeing people eat bacon because they might be prone to wanting it themselves and it is unhealthy for them. Bacon free ships!!!! Put it on the next survey!! I know I travel with bacon lovers but for now they can eat it on the balcony!

  96. capt chuck says:

    John,

    I like your style, and as you say it has risks being so (let me use the new popular term) transparent, but I think overall it is the right approach. I’m busy busy right now, but I am going to try to get back into the Carnival spirit (I know bad pun) as I anticipate my cruise and I’ll read and comment as I can.

    I will say that at the moment I’m mostly thinking of bacon and I can’t figure out why.

    Capt Chuck

  97. Roger Tollerud says:

    This Milestone cruiser thinks the bacon policy is fine and perhaps the gentleman (and I use that pharse advisedly) should get a life!!
    Regards
    Roger T

  98. Emma O'Neill says:

    The couple getting lost in venice and demanding someone go get them …..soooooo funny :D

  99. DInks says:

    Hi John, to Andrew Slater: you could learn not to believe all you read on CC boards. Prior to some time in 2007, I remember because I tried for years to get one of those fluorescent green hats. (I was told) Carnival achieved a level of Safety from USCG that allowed them to eliminate wearing of life vest for guests during the ‘boat drill’. Of the cruises on Carnival, since 2007, the Carnival Ships that I have sailed, have only been demonstrating how to wear them during the Safety Drill. I would assume, this is a great relief of the work and man hours saved, and how each crew member desires that saved time. For this reason alone, the crew would assure passenger participation for chance of losing the USCG rating.

  100. DInks says:

    John, you can not make this stuff up.
    And i wish you would start a $fund$ because i’d pay for the stories somehow.
    Some people should not leave their front door step, but when they do, and call Carnival home for a while. we Carnival FunFans should help them… Laughing OUT loud !

  101. Theresa Martin- Taylor says:

    John, your writing is eloquent at times, funny as heck most of the time and does. Wonderful service to the carnival beards and the carnival customers. The negatives you may get surely outweigh the good responses. Just please don’t get bogged down in the negative…..the negative that comes from time to time is the price of becoming more and more popular. Always remember us bloggers and FB FRIENDS that love you and the Carnival life. It keeps us coming back sweetie. God bless.

  102. stephanie says:

    @barb: Your comment is a perfect example of what Carnival is missing! “Will I still cruise…absolutely!!” Anti smokers will still cruise even with azthma and copd BUT SMOKERS AND THEIR TRAVELING NONSMOKERS WILL FIND ANOTHER VACATION……give smokers a lounge to smoke and have a drink! Carnival loses no one by being fair and offering some comfortable bars and lounges where smokers can enjoy music a drink and a cig! Antismokers are not cruising because of that! Look at barb!

  103. Michelle Hazelwood says:

    John HELP! 911!
    Could you please post carnival people on the corners of Northfield MN? I can’t find a cruise! landlocked and have to be on the Destiny by Oct 17th!

    Come get me! Hurry, I need 20 pieces of limp crispy bacon! hahahahahahahaha! Wooooeeee!

  104. Kath H says:

    First, of all, I have to say that I LOVE the blog and the facebook thingy. I also have to say that I always thought that travel was for broadening your horizons. If you don’t want your horizons broadened, you really should just vacation in your back yard (garden for the British folks!).

    Sorry about the Blue Screen of Death on your laptop, as an IT person, I have to tell you that we’re usually proud to be Geeks, so no need to hold that term for out of earshot comments.

    Weighing in (pun intended!) on the bacon controversy, I can report that the bacon on our recent Miracle cruise was cooked to perfection, nice and crispy – just the way we like it. (sorry limp bacon lovers :-b ). We rarely eat bacon, but we do like to indulge on vacation. My husband doesn’t eat most breakfast foods, so he wanted a bacon sandwich each day. The server was more than accommodating in giving him enough. The problem, however, was getting 2 pieces of untoasted white bread. BTW, he reported that after a few days, the bread that he was able to get was stale. He also wanted an English Muffin (I know they are not English, but neither is he!) and you don’t offer them. 47000 other things to eat, but what can I say, he likes what he likes! He did broaden his horizons by trying salmon and Mahi Mahi a major leap outside of his comfort zone :-)

    Just have to say LOL to the couple lost in Venice. Oh to be lost in Venice right now! “Bring me that horizon!”

  105. Esteban says:

    Hi John: We leave in the Glory on January 29, 2012 on our first cruise experience. We have some doubts that we want your help. Where can we find the price of drinks on board and if the same packages are available. Also we find the free drink, if there is any restoran or a particular site. Also we can find details and prices of shore excursions! Something that also worries us is the language since we are going with two children aged 4 and 8 years, we Uruguayans and our language is Spanish, the language is handled smoothly? Well, and thank you very much and I hope it’s an unforgettable journey, greetings from Uruguay
    PS: I will also translate into Google and passed

Copyright 2011 John Heald. All Rights Reserved

css.php