I don’t know about America and Canada and Australia and Botswana but here in the UK, morning television is utter rubbish. Take this morning on a show called ummmm……”This Morning” where the subject was men’s underpants. Now this you would have thought should have been something that got my complete attention but it didn’t. That’s because the item in the show was hosted by a lady in her mid-thirties who was an editor of some woman’s magazine Hair and Beauty, Beauty and Garden, Slim Hair, Garden and Men are Bastards or something like that and she was telling me what underpants I should be wearing. Why is this allowed? If a man came on the same show and started talking about women’s knickers, he would, be cast as a fully paid up member of the steamed up glasses association who probably knows about ladies underwear because he wears a crotchless pair himself. Yet here we have this Chanel-wearing fashion editor talking about men’s underpants and everyone seems OK with that.
So my faithful male bloggers let me tell you what she had to say. According to Miss Cosmo, it’s all about the area just under your belly button, which I call my crab ladder but which Miss Cosmo called your “sacral chakre”……..that’s honestly what she said. What you wear near here speaks volumes about you. If you wear long johns, you’re saying: “I want to be warm and need a hug.” If you wear boxers, you’re a fellow who “lets it all hang out.” What a load of massive bollocks. There’s more because Miss Cosmo then told the TV audience that the colour of your underpants is deeply meaningful. Reds and oranges suggest you’re the “life and soul,” darks or pastels that you’re “somber and serious.” She then added that the current fashion is for contoured underpants that move with the body for that “stay-put factor” as worn by Calvyn. This does though make sense. Then things went downhill as male models paraded through the studio wearing various types of underpants including those David Beckham-types which come with a sewn in cucumber down the front. There were two older ladies on the front row of the studio audience, one had a stroke and the other couldn’t reach. Seriously it really pissed me off. Men should wear underpants that are comfortable and not what pleases women. If this show had been a true representation of men and their undergarments then I should have been invited to represent the average man and come out wearing a pair of underpants that look like a giant diaper and whose insides look like the runway at Heathrow Airport.
Time for some Q and A…..here we go
Lotti A asked:
We are going on the Carnival Valor on October 2. It will be me and my partner and our three-year -old son in the cabin number 1398. My partner and I would like a free gift because we were going to go to Six Flags in Georgia but decided we would spend our money on Carnival. It will be my birthday during the cruise and my partners late in October. Can you send us something? My friend Sue told me about you.
John says:
Hello Lotti A,Thanks so much for cruising with us and I am sure you will have a brilliant time. I don’t know what Six Flags are so I will have to ask Uncle Google for information. We are glad you are cruising with us and yes I will send you a little something.
Best wishes.
John
NYchic asked:
Writing this on your blog is a pointless exercise but you need to see my experience on the Carnival Glory was my worst cruise experience ever. I also know this will have your pathetic cheerleaders roasting me but I don’t care because they are clueless cruisers who have been brain washed by your promise of free stuff in the cabins. It makes me laugh that they think you know them and they are your friends. I am sure you won’t read or post this because unless it’s a post that says how wonderful John Heald is or that Carnival is the best (usually a request for a free gift follows) but if you really are a brand ambassador and a professional you will.
John says:
Hello NYchic,I am going to pay bugger all attention to the personal attack on myself and the people who read this blog because it is pointless and concentrate on the review you posted. I am so very sorry that you did not have a good time and I have sent this review immediately to the people who need to see it both on board and shore side. The one section that really concerned me was where you said “the crew’s complete indifference towards the guests” because that is something that we work so hard to make sure it does not happen. And in fact for the most part it never does which is why when I get a comment like this it stands out a mile. I have sent this to the ship and the shoreside management and I apologise that you did not enjoy your cruise. I have your email address and have sent this along with your post to our guest services team for follow up. My apologies once again and hope that we will see you again where I promise we will do better.
Best wishes.
John
Tofer Keleigh asked:
Hi John,I’m super excited for my upcoming cruise. It’s coming at the perfect time at the end of a stressful year including a huge move to a new city. Anyhow, on to why I wanted to write. I read two of your emails and was offended by both (though neither is your fault). In one a frequent floater (thank Goose for giving me that one) posted about the Friend’s of Dorothy meetings, and it was pretty degrading to be referred to as “those type of people,” like we had leprosy. I appreciate the way you handled it, and appreciate that Carnival has those meetings. And the second was some son of a jackal was criticizing your humour and your look. I don’t think anyone gives two grapes what you look like. You do your job, and you do it well, and I look forward to a chance to cruise with you in the future. I’ve begun to read your blog on a semi-daily basis. Find it quite entertaining AND I learn loads. Thank for all you do!
John says:
Hello Tofer Keleigh,Thanks for those kind words and as I have said before here on the blog I have had to develop skin as tough as an elephant’s dangly bits. I am sure you know as well that often when people write things like “those type of people” it comes from mostly a lack of understanding and yet I also know how hurtful comments like that can be. Carnival ships all have Friends of Dorothy meetings and we are happy to be able to provide a chance for our gay and lesbian guests to meet. I truly appreciate your kind words and I hope you had a wonderful time on the Carnival Valor and if there is anything I can ever do for you please let me know.
Best wishes.
John
Patricia Richards asked:
John,I wrote to you in July with this and this was your reply:
Patricia Richards asked:
John,My niece just graduated from high school and I am taking her on the Fascination July 28. We are in cabin number M108 and I think you should send her something for her graduation. She takes size XXL and a Carnival T-shirt would be nice.
John says:
Hello Patricia Blackden,
While I won’t be sending her a T-shirt I certainly will be sending her something for her graduation. I hope you and her family are very proud! Have a great cruise and I am glad I saw this question in time as I see you sail next week.
Best wishes.
John
How disappointed we were when you sent a cheap fake gold trophy and a few strawberries. Is this how Carnival thanks its customers? I also wanted to ask why there is a charge for her to have sodas when on NCL they are all free. John I am so disappointed in you and in Carnival and my last name is Richards you called me Patricia Blackden in your reply, I don’t know who that is but it shows how unprofessional you are if you cant even get my name correct!!!!!!
John says:
Hello Patricia Richards,Thank you for taking the time to write. I know you asked for a T-shirt but as I mentioned in my original reply I could not send her one but would send her a gift. I hoped that what I had sent would have been enjoyable and I am so sorry that it wasn’t appreciated. I was not aware that sodas for children were free on other cruise lines and I am surprised therefore to read this. I truly hope that you and your niece had a wonderful cruise. As far as the name, I am not sure what happened there, I will have to research but I sincerely apologise for writing your name incorrectly. I do hope that you had fun.
Best wishes to you both.
John
David Michael asked:
As a platinum guest I think the Behind the Fun tour that I had to pay for on the Carnival Freedom should be free for all platinum guests. We should not have to pay the same price as passengers on cruise number 1. This was my 14th cruise.
John says:
Hello David Michael,Thanks so much for your loyalty and I in a few days time I will be interviewing Rob who is in charge of our new loyalty program. I know that he is looking at improving the benefits but I don’t think making the Behind the Fun complimentary for Platinum guests will be one of the new additions. Each ship carries proudly many, many Platinum and Milestone guests so to have this as a complimentary event would not be possible as only 16 people can take part. Please check back here in the days ahead to see what the new program will be all about and I thank you most sincerely for your loyalty.
Best wishes.
John
John Alred asked:
John,There is a young man working as a waiter on the Carnival Elation who deserves a huge raise. His name is Dario and he is the best waiter I have ever had on my eight cruises. I have cruised with RCI and Celebrity and Princess but this was my first Carnival and it will not be the last. This was because of the crew who were the best most friendly team I have ever experienced and at the top of the list was Dario. I cruised with my wife and our two children. Our youngest son Toby has special needs and can be quite a handful during meal times. Dario though was amazing and not only made sure we had what we needed but also entertained Toby every night and made him laugh out loud which I can tell you is not easily done. I was surprised that Carnival does not give out comment cards and so I was told by a colleague at work about your blog which I must say is very funny and I hope that you will show Dario’s managers that they have a superstar working on their ship Elation. We all had a great time and we will be back.
John says:
Hello John Alred,This was a joy to read, truly a joy to read. We used to have comment cards on board but now they are sent to some guests online so maybe by now you have received yours. If not I promise that Dario will be recognised and that both he and his supervisors on board and shoreside will see your brilliant words of praise. I hope that we will see you again and if there is anything I can do for you please let me know.
Best wishes to you all and well done, Dario.
John
Alan asked:
John,You won’t remember me I am sure but you helped arrange with Butch on the Carnival Dream a wonderful ceremony for my son who had been severely injured in an IED in Afghanistan while serving with the Marines. The wedding proposal you arranged for him was breathtaking and on October 15 Brandon my son and future daughter in law will be getting married. I know you see lots of hate mail here and I am always trying to defend you on Cruise Critic where a few people seem to take great joy in saying nothing but nasty things about you so I wanted you to see that you do make a difference in many people’s vacations and their lives. Thank you and I wish you could be at the wedding where my son will be walking down the aisle on his new leg which I never thought he would be able to do. We are all sailing on the Carnival Miracle in December and I wish you could be there as well.
John says:
Hello Alan,I do indeed remember your request for this proposal and of course I remember it because of the extraordinary service your son gave as a U.S. Marine. I am thrilled to see that in a few weeks time they will be getting married and considering all he has been through I am sure that this will be a very proud day for you and I wish I could be there to see it. If there is anything at all I can do to make your next cruise more enjoyable please let me know and I wish you all a very happy day on October 15.
Best wishes to all.
John
Marlene G asked:
Hello John,Can you tell me if there will be any special services and meals for Yom Kippur during our cruise on the Carnival Freedom? This is very important to all your Jewish passengers and I hope you make sure that something is done to recognize Yom Kippur.
John says:
Hello Marlene G,I asked Uncle Google and I can see that Yom Kippur starts at sunset on October 7. Normally we do not have anything organised for this Yom Kippur however should members of the Jewish faith request a service while onboard we will organise a lounge and help with any other requirements as best we can. It would have to be an unsupervised service though Marlene so if you feel you would like us to do this please let the guest services desk know and the CD will announce and prepare accordingly? I have sent this to the ship to alert them in advance. I wish you a wonderful cruise.
Best wishes.
John
Matthew Potter asked:
First of all, just want to join the chorus and say how much I love your blog. LOVE it. I’ve not been on a cruise before but my wife enjoyed hers so much that she talked me into one. We’re sailing from Galveston on the Magic January 1, 2012. We were disappointed to see that you won’t be our cruise director. My question might be a little different but hopefully you can give me some insight or direction. We’ve been visiting Jamaica for years now and always bring a suitcase full of school supplies for a local school near Negril. We won’t be able to get to the school during our scheduled port stop and were wondering if you guys had any recommendations how to get some school supplies to needy children in Jamaica and Mexico? We feel so fortunate to be able to vacation and hope to be able to share some of this with the beautiful people in the countries we visit. Let me know if there’s any direction you can provide. Much appreciated and keep up the good work.
Best Regards,
Matt Potter
John says:
Hello Matt Potter,How wonderful of you for thinking of the kids. If you can manage to get the supplies to the ship we will make sure that they are sent to the local orphanages in Mexico and in Jamaica. May I suggest that you buy a Hallmark type card and when you hand the supplies to us on the ship you include a card and maybe a photo of you so the children will know who this kind gesture is coming from. Please can you remind me here a month before you sail or on my Facebook page a week before you sail so I can alert the ship and prepare the paperwork accordingly. Once again many thanks for your kindness and if there is anything I can do for you please let me know.
Best wishes.
John
That’s all for today. Normally I would say that I will be back tomorrow but I won’t be as I have to pack and spend the day with the family whom I won’t see now for another two months. I am not going to bore you with how that makes me feel because I think you all know. I will though be on Facebook on Saturday night and on Sunday while in New York. I have meetings as soon as I arrive because such is the importance of this event that everyone with a beard is coming. Gerry Cahill, our president and CEO, will be there as will three senior vice presidents and of course our chief marketing officer and his team. Stephanie and Peter the Hair will join me as we will be posting videos of the event and post event interviews with___________ and with __________. Those two blank spaces are very exciting indeed I promise.
One thing that isn’t going to be fun is that I have to get a taxi from the airport to the hotel and then throughout my stay I will have to use the NY taxi service. The last time I was in New York was for the New Years Eve thingy last year and I as I stood on Madison Avenue I had a taxi…. “stolen.” I had been patiently waiting on the corner when a lady with huge sunglasses jumped out of nowhere and intercepted the approaching cab. Being British, I politely announced it was my taxi. “Oh, it’s YOUR taxi…….get the f**k out a heeeeeeeeere?” sneered the woman with the welding glasses……. before jumping in. There are many things in life that I know bugger all about and one it seems is taxi etiquette. I asked a New York friend of mine who told me that you must turn into a complete and utter bastard or this will happen all the time. Cab-stealers I was told are the scourge of the city and you have to be assertive and stand your ground or you’ll end up defeated and….…..even worse ……….walking.
Anyway, I am still not totally sure of my schedule while in the Big Apple but I do promise you will be among first to know what’s happening as I will be blogging live from the event. One thing I can guarantee is that the event will feature something that has become the scourge of the modern corporate world…..the PowerPoint presentation. I can understand why so many people use it because giving a presentation is like acting or singing — many think they can do it, few really do it well. One of Carnival’s senior beards gave an entertaining presentation to the Carnival Magic crew during her delivery. Sadly, he was followed by someone who wasn’t very good and I know many people in the Miami office would rather staple their ears to their desks rather than attend one of his/her presentations, PowerPoint or otherwise.
When I first introduced Gerry Cahill onto the stage during the Carnival Splendor’s naming ceremony, I could see that he was very nervous indeed. Remember he came from an accounting background which is why he came on stage holding his security blanket………..a calculator.
These days he is polished, he is fun and he speaks directly to his audience but most importantly he is himself and he is able to do all of this without a sodding PowerPoint. You can make it in business if you’re a bit shy, if you have the breath of a camel or the face of Bill Gates, even if you’re a bit thick. But if you’re scared of public speaking, you’re buggered because you will at some point have to address a group of people. Surveys consistently show that public speaking is as common a phobia as spiders, snakes and the French — and now you don’t just have to speak in public, you have to speak in public using PowerPoint. Can you imagine Churchill using PowerPoint?
So there I will sit at the big meeting at our advertising and PR partner’s office. There will be talk of blue sky thinking and that this is mission critical and there will be lashings of coffee, sandwiches and yes, PowerPoint. You raise an index finger to make a point. I don’t speak their language so I will pour myself another cup of coffee, help myself to another triangular tuna sandwich and listen to beards say things like; “We must maintain focused on the guests so that we can incentivise and swankify what is happening and take it to the next level.” I will look round the table at all the beards and the marketing and PR people, the sort of people who whip out their laptops every time they’re at an airport and know what a Wi-Fi looks like. At present, the world’s beards are physically incapable of sitting down at an airport for a moment without flicking open the computer and pulling a serious face while pretending that the machine is actually doing something. It isn’t. You spend the first five minutes waiting for the damn thing to stop making chiming noises and the next 20 discovering that it won’t connect to either 3G or the Edge, and that you cannot remember the password you chose for the T-Mobile hotspot is Iwantabiggerthingy……by the time you log on they have called your flight and it’s time to go.
So instead of pretending to be an international mover and shaker who cannot be out of touch for a moment, leave the sodding thing in your carry on and spend the time either thinking about stuff or reading a good book. Both of these activities will ensure you’re a better, cleverer person, and that’s a good thing because most people would rather do business with a chap who’s read a Tom Clancy novel than some nerd who reckons a widescreen EyeMac PowerTrip makes them look important.
I always feel out of place at these meetings. Everyone has perfect teeth and my teeth are not perfect. They have a yellow tint to them and one is as bent as a dog’s back leg. And as they talk about blue sky thinking and living outside of a box, I will have to bite my tongue and force myself from actually saying: “I’m sorry but what the bloody hell are you going on about?”
Anyway, the beards have put a huge amount of work into this event and I will do all I can to support them. I still can’t tell you (sorry Cruise Critic folks I know how much that annoys you) what it is we are doing but trust me it is brilliant and I can’t wait to tell you what’s next. So please join me on Monday and I will let you know what’s happening.
I wrote my comments last night for this event and this meant I worked until quite late. Once downstairs I realised that I made a fundamental error. Dinner was over. The dish washer was on, the chores completed which meant Kye was in bed and Heidi was relaxing, in front of my sexy 50 inch plasma TV which meant horror of horrors………she had the remote control.
I hate not being in command of the remote control and if I dare to suggest that I go watch the TV in bedroom I get that hurt, you don’t love me and you’re leaving on Saturday and I won’t see you on Saturday and you are a complete bastard and I am going to tell my mother look. Forget Lorena Bobbitt, the best way to castrate a man is to take away the remote control. It really is the worst thing a woman can do which of course is why women enjoy doing it so much. There are so many things we could be watching at one time and for women to deny us of this basic instinct should be illegal and any woman found doing it should be made to wear her husband’s underpants as a hat for one week. Heidi always comes into the room and grabs the remote saying “You’re not watching anything.” And technically I am probably not. But I do intend to spend the rest of the evening using the remote control to do the following:
- Watching Latvian women’s beach volleyball on ESPN 27
- Flicking through 20 channels in 30 seconds pausing for no more than 1.1 second on each one.
- Any channel that is showing West Wing re-runs.
- Catching the fart scene from Blazing Saddles only to discover its being shown on AMC and they have taken the fart noise out so all that’s left is a bunch of men sitting around a campfire lifting their arses off the ground.
- Watching the History Channel’s three week marathon entitled “The French Surrender.”
- Flicking through all the major networks and cursing out loud that the “bloody commercials are on at exactly the same time on every bloody channel.”
- Watching the Playboy Channel with your finger hovering over the channel down button in case your wife suddenly walks in.
- Watching Barney and realising you are watching the purple dinosaur even though Kye has been in bed for hours and realising it really is time to kill yourself.
- And then after surfing through all 150 channels you scratch yourself downstairs …….. Wipe your KFC encrusted hands on the couch….and moan that there is bugger all on.
How can you explain this to a woman who wants to sit through a show featuring six desperate moaning fake breasted women and one exceedingly metrosexual Australian man? This is why men, you must never ever give up control of the remote. See you in NY on Facebook over the weekend.
Goodnight.
Your friend,
John
Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.
@Patricia Richards If I was the CD I would not have sent you anything or even acknowledge your request. Not once did you say please or thank you. You barked your request as if you are entitled to something. Did the airline give you anything free when you flew to the cruise port? NO! Also, if Carnival started to give out t-shirts for every person that graduated from high school they would not be in business at all. You were ignorant in your orginal request and you were ignorant in latest email. Get some manners!! Carnival and the world do not owe you anything.
FYI, NCL does not provide free soda and niether do any of the other cruise lines. I am speaking from experience.
Just to clarify…Disney does provide free soda on the pool decks. But I agree with your ENTIRE comment above!!
Lotti A. “thinks you should” send them something? Gah, it’s amazing how rude people are. And as far as Ms. Richards goes, well… she is awful, too. I don’t know how you do your job.
Thank you Paige, perfectly said. BTW could this be the same Mrs. Richards on Fawlty Towers?
John, We have sailed w/ you 3 times & love you & your blog.I’ll be on C,Liberty in Jan. for cruise # 15.All carnival except 1 princess.
It hurts me to see so many very rude people towards you.You do a fantastic job & we’re proud of you.Hope to cruise w/ you in 2013 on the new C.Breeze.
Betty
John, I hate taking NYC taxis and avoid them at all costs. If I’m traveling in Manhattan, I opt for the subway most of the time – it’s cheaper (realizing you’re on Carnival’s tab on this one, though) and faster. However, there are times when you can’t avoid a cab (like when I have luggage in tow), and then I try to wait in a taxi line where someone else is hailing the cab for you. For some reason, Americans are pretty good at queuing in taxi lines.
Just a quick note for Patrica Richards regarding her comment that sodas are free on NCL… nope… ain’t so. This is taken from their FAQs:
The following items are not included in the cruise fare:
Service Charges/Gratuities
Meals in Specialty Restaurants
Alcoholic Beverages
Sodas and some other non-alcoholic beverages
Just look under ‘What does my cruise fare include?’ and you’ll find the above.
Why do people have to invent information in an effort to shame or embarrass Carnival? The facts are out there for anyone to find. I guess folks just ASSume that your blog readers are too lazy or stupid to do a bit of research…
Ciao!!
Host Mach
Good for you Mach — well said
Unfortunately we too have some ridiculous shows here in the USA. You continue to make me laugh and look forward to your stories every day. We have 16 days till we sail again out of Tampa. Keep up the great work you do
Hi Big Daddy, yes I am still here. Your pal at Cruise Critic was not succesfull. He did out me as being Jenny though.
When will you tire of the people at Cruise Critic bashing you everyday on the blog? Maybe you should become a Cruise Critic free zone. BTW lots of your pals are on the other cruise critic site now.
Have a Great Day Big Daddy. See you in March!!
Je serai sur la croisière blogueurs 5.
And I outed you as being a guy… and for copyright violations. It’s time for you to grow up and act like a human…
You still riding that horse. Jealousy does not become you NB!
I’d put money that those are not actually people from Cruise Critic. (AHEM)
I do think it’s kind of sad that people like you have nothing better to do then continually post on a “Cruise Critic sucks” FB page, and post stuff on here in an effort to make it look bad… Does “real life” ever happen for you folks?? Why do you spend so much time of your life mad at a website about cruising?????? I read it and just shake my head sometimes…. The CCS FB sounds like a bunch of “scorned” children. If I ever get banned from a cruise website for being nasty to others… I’ll move on and not obsess over it and do everything in my power to make it look bad… because I’m an adult. No matter what I’m going to enjoy my next cruise anyway.
John… if it helps… 99.9% of posts I’ve read that have anything to do with you on CC has been positive. I REALLY think you SHOULD go read the website for a bit because you are a good man and I feel bad that you seem to be being lead to the conclusion that everyone there is against you when it’s so not true. I don’t know what the fun is in continually posting those kinds of questions and comments you have here just to make CC look bad. I even question that extremely sad story that was posted in your comment section that ends about defending you on cruise critic.. obviously that poster and 99.9% of the rest of the posters are also defending you…. against one or two people if that was true.
Alright.. off my high horse. Just calling it as a I see it. Very sad honestly…
off to research the ports in my next cruise…
OH.. and Patricia Richards… REALLY?!?!?! I cruise for those ships on a stick and I LOVE the chocolate covered strawberries if you want to send them my way they will be HIGHLY appreciated. Some people are so ungrateful!
WOW! Sounds like the last two replies are the ones who need to get a life! LOL. From everything I’ve read here about cruise critic, seems that they don’t need any help from anyone to make them look bad! ROTFL!!!!
Cruise Cristic is a ver informatiive site for cruise information. When a post comes up about JH immediately it causes a flurry and this is what the PR people at Carnvial want. This way they can post it on his facebook and all his loyal fans rush up the numbers to defend him. In fact I think many of them think more of him than their own children. The marketing people are very clever. In defense of JH I don’t really think he asked for this he is an excellent CD and should remain just that and get out of the facebook business but I’m sure the beards are thrilled with all the activity. It’s sort of a sad situation in today’s troubled world with so many Persons not being able to travel or enjoy cruising because of economic conditions. I assume most persons on these boards are financilly secure. Don’t fault JH just his fans who keep this up.
It really does continue to amaze me how others can make decisions on a whole lot of people based on a very few. Very sad
But John, if you watched the housewives enough you would know not to get swooped by the cab woman. Admit it, Heidi knows best!
I won’t even comment on the rude and ungrateful people in today’s Q&A section but I will tell you to enjoy your time with Heidi and Kye tomorrow and safe travels!! Looking forward to hearing all about the meetings in NY soon!
John, you said “Anyway, the beards have put a huge amount of work into this event and I will do all I can to support them. I still can’t tell you (sorry Cruise Critic folks I know how much that annoys you) what it is we are doing but trust me it is brilliant and I can’t wait to tell you what’s next. So please join me on Monday and I will let you know what’s happening.”
It annoys a few Cruise Critic folks… not many. Some people don’t understand that you’re not all powerful and in charge of everything at Carnival. The vast majority of us understand that you tell us what you can tell us and when. Don’t let the tiny minority appear to be the spokespeople for the rest of us, please…
Mach
Hear, hear, Mach! I know John didn’t mean it to come out that way, but I don’t want other readers to think CruiseCritic is all bad. It’s been a BIG help to me in my cruising career, and I’ve met some great folks. I just ignore the obvious trolls, liars and habitual complainers. If you read enough on a subject, you can pick out what’s true and what’s slanted. Thanks for posting!
Well said Host Mach, and furthermore some of us love the little tidbits he drops and we know something is coming down the tubes before it actually happens. I get so tired of all the Cruise Critic bashing, just because a few rude people are vocal about John they are definitely not in the majority. Most are very nice folks.
BTW John I’m staying in room 889437 in December on the Disney Dream but plan on getting on the Carnival dream just cause I’m like that, will you send me a dozen roses, some t shirts and maybe a special melting chocolate cake??? A bottle of bubbly, and a cabana boy that you won’t let me smuggle on the ship from any of the ports:-)
Cheers, Carole
My sentiments exactly, Mach.
Dear John:
Again your blog thingy is totally awesome. I do want to put my 2 cents in on the underwear thingy. It never ceases to amaze me that my husband will never wear the underwear I suggest but when it comes to me he will always pick the ones that I have to put the string between the cheeks of my arse. So when he is inclined to wear those ugly boxers I turn around and wear my tighty whiteys….
To Alan…. I read your email to John, Whether it is a sad story or a happy story I find myself crying like a baby for our soldiers and their families. You sacrifice so much for our freedoms. May GOD Bless your son and his soon to be wife. May he also bless your family. Thank you for your son and his service to this country.
To Mrs Richards- Where is your common courtesy? Did you not learn any type of manners? It is not a requirement for John or any employee of Carnival to supply your neice with a gift. As my father would say want in one hand and poopoo in the other and see which one fills up first. I will Thank John for you. Thank you John for your most gracious gifts. You are a man of your word and your gifts were not only delicious but delightful. Now Mrs. Richards that is the kind of response you give to a person who went out of their way to send you a GIFT!
Thank you again John for your blog thingy… It truly does bring delight into my life. Please thank all employees of Carnival for their efforts in making our vacations fantastic.
Terri
Dear John,
You really do need to get a DVR. I wish you a safe trip to New York, and a speedy return to Heidi and Kye.
Hi John,
I know you will have a good time once you actually get to NYC.
I have a comment about Patricia saying that NCL doesn’t charge for sodas. I have been on several of their cruises in the last few years and the sodas are NOT free. You can purchase a soda card or buy them individually.
Why can’t people relax and enjoy their vacations? Be thankful that you can take one.
Hey Patricia Richards,
What makes you think that you niece is ENTITLED to a free t-shirt because she graduated high school? What an amazing accomplishment. If you can afford to go on a cruise, then maybe you should walk your arse down to the gift shop and buy it yourself. THANK YOU
Well said!!!
Dear John, (hehe, I’ve never written one of those!) I really only have 2 words to say: please, thank you! I only read a couple of the ‘letters to John’ and noticed those words missing. I don’t want anything, I’m giving today; you’re welcome.
oops, that was 3 words! Again, PLEASE, THANK YOU.
John – can you give us any more details as to when all this is going to happen on Monday? Will we be able to watch the “Beards” announcement online, or somewhere else? What time to you begin your live facebook updates? I don’t want to miss a thing! I live in NY and would consider driving the 6-1/2 hours to be there in person. LOL.
Dear John,
(Please respond)
My husband, Justin, and I are huge fans of your blog and Facebook page. We love your humor and even had the opportunity to cruise with you on the first Blogger’s Cruise. I still wear my Blogger’s Cruise t-shirt! You are our favorite CD, by a mile. I genuinely hope we get to cruise with you again in the future. I become platinum with our upcoming cruise and will have sailed almost 70 days with Carnival by the end of it!
I feel terrible making a request; I read the tone used by others and it makes me cringe. Many people are so rude and demanding.
We will be cruising on the Carnival Valor on January 8th, in cabin 8443. Justin will be turning 30 on the 9th of January. If possible, could you please send him something? It doesn’t have to be anything big, even a note from you would be great. It would mean a lot, being such big fans, and would be a nice surprise.
Thank you so much for everything you do. There’s a reason so many people love you. Don’t let the haters get you down!
Thanks again!
@ Jessica
A good idea to post your request on John’s Facebook page a couple weeks before you travel. He appreciates the nice folks like yourself. I look forward to one day doing a blogger cruise, maybe in 2013. Have a great 30th Birthday.
I normally would have, but I figured the hubby wouldn’t see it here (he doesn’t usually read the comments). However, since we’re both friends of John’s on facebook, if I posted there, it would show up on his stream and ruin the potential surprise. Thanks anyway!
Ms Richard and Lotti A Must have been absent when the lord handed out manners. I didnt see anything but an ungratefull lady in one individual and a lady that thought she should get something extra in her first cruise in the other lady
I just read the insulting reply from some lady bitching because her daughter didn’t get a free T-shirt!! And then trying to tell you NCL gives free sodas to kids-WRONG! I been on NCL and theres NOTHING free there nor RCL or any other! you pay and pay! They even charge for fresh squeezed orange juice!! so give us a break lady-get the facts right! Buy your kid her T-shirt yourself!
I, too, am Platinum & while I do enjoy the perks that come along with it, it does not make me feel any “better” than someone on their 1st (or any other number) cruise ~ luckier to have enjoyed more than them but certainly not “above”. This isn’t the days of Titanic people ~ there are no more “classes” of passengers!
Well put, Wendy!! I am so blessed to have been able to go on 12 cruises….just because I am Platinum doesn’t mean i’m better than anyone else, or deserve something free, etc etc etc…the MAIN thing i enjoy by being Platinum is getting on the ship faster, lol….people should get off their high horse and stop acting like they are better than the next person!
My goodness Patricia Richards where are you manners? Not once did you ask John please or say thank you. What makes you think you should be entitled to free t-shirts and pop? I’m pretty sure there were several other families on your cruise who also had a graduate with them! Honey if you’re so worried about your niece getting a t-shirt you should of went to the gift shop and purchased her one yourself, they only cost $10.00 each! Also the do sell pop cards just like every other cruise line. Shame on you…..
I will NEVER understand why people think that they deserve a FREE GIFT????? how many vacations do u go on give you “free stuff” I have never asked for anything for free and my vacations are all wonderful. NEWS FLASH the “free” stuff will NOT make these people happy.
It’s amazing how you, John, even bother wasting your time answering questions like Lotti’s. In line with a previous comment, I guess they also asked for a free gift from the airline and never said please and thanks. My supermarket won’t give me a free gift because I decided to spend my money with them and not went to the movies. Why do so many people these days think they have this entitlement thing?
Today’s blog is…….PRICELESS!! Have a good trip to New York and don’t let those cab hoggers (are they anything like chair hoggers on deck?) get to ya.
Well John it has been one month now since my last cruise and I am going through withdrawals. Reading your blog and facebook is the best thing to get me through until my next cruise. Thanks for all that you do… AND WHAT YOU ARE NOT THE ALL KNOWING AND THE KING IN CHARGE OF CARNIVAL ???? The way some of these rude people act they must believe you are. THANKS AGAIN…..
Lotto A: Where are you from? Do they not teach manners there? How about a please rather than a demand!!! What do you think makes you so special that you can just TELL someone to do something for you? You deserve NOTHING!!!
Patricia Richards: first you DEMAND without so much as a please or thank you and then you gripe because you don’t get what you demanded. You were given one of the most sought after gifts on Carnival and all you can do is complain. You are a selfish, self entered piece of nothing!!!
David Michael: just because you are platinum doesn’t make you so special that you can put down those who have traveled less!!!
Wow, John,, I just don’t understand how you deal with these idiots!
John, I have found that when traveling from the airport to a hotel in NYC it is almost as cheap if not cheaper to take a limo service. You might want to check one the ads in the airline magazine while flying over the pond.
Surely it’s what’s in the underpants that counts, not the wrapping!:)
John, instead on jumping and fighting for cabs here in NYC, why not hire a driver for the day that will take you all over the place and wait for you? Considering the price of NYC cabs this maybe more economical. Thank you for everything you do!
I just wanted to say to the NYchic that I am not a clueless cruiser that believes that John knows me or that I know him. Also I have never asked for any free gifts and do not expect that one is coming my way. However I do enjoy John’s blog and have had a good time reading the comments on his facebook.Also you might learn a thing or two reading the blog. Oh also I was on the Carnival Glory last January and found the staff very attentive and friendly, we had a great time.I think your bad experience may have more to do with your attitude than a indifferent staff.John apparently is still going to look in to your complaints.I think you should not think you know all about the people that read this blog, really we are just people who enjoy cruising.
NYchic , I am insulted by your post! One I have not been “Brain washed” by Carnival. After 21 Cruises on them and a number of Cruises on other lines I return to Carnival for the value. And IMHO they treat me just fine! But maybe that’s because my parents taught me the value of Please and Thank You and I don’t treat the staff on a ship like they are my personal servants like I have seen so many do! And no I am not a Cheerleader, we do also Cruise other lines but Carnival is our number one choice. We like the Ships, the staff has always been great and Mr Heald has been kind enough in the past to send us a little something to help us celebrate our Anniversary or other celebrations. And if your going to complain about a Cruise why not tell exactly made your cruise the “worst cruise experience ever”!
PS – John keep up the GREAT work and Thank You for all you do!
Here’s how John should have answered his Q & A’s, but he is too nice:
Lotti “I would like a free gift” – Bugger Off.
NY Chic “your blog is a pointless exercise” Bugger Off.
Patricia Richards “My niece just graduated high school” Big Whoop – Bugger Off.
David Michael “As a platinum guest” Big Whoop to you too – Bugger Off.
Marlene G. “make sure that something is done to celebrate Yom Kippur” Yes, services will follow Mass in the main atrium – Bugger Off.
And for all those who can’t say please and thank you, the ship’s dirty laundry will be dumped in your cabin.
Wah, ha, ha!
Bahaha!!! Great post!!
It is “Pathetic Cheerleader Riff Raff” MS NYCHIC. You need to get it right if you want to call me names. All I want to say is that reading this blog makes me happy. I don’t know if I will ever have the chance to meet Mr. Heald or his family. But if I do I will feel he is my friend.
I have been on over 25 cruises, Only 6 of which are Carnival. I have had 3 cruises that I would call bad cruises, none of which were Carnival cruises. At no time in our lives will everything go perfect. It doesn’t matter how much or how little we pay. One my bad cruises was dirt cheap. The other two were the most expensive. I vote with my dollars. If I have a bad cruise I send a letter and tell them so maybe they can fix the problem. And if they don’t fix it, I tell all of my friends and family not to cruise with them and that’s it.
If you don’t like the weblog (blog.) or the facebook don’t read it. Most of the people who read this like the humor and truthfulness, and also for the most part kind and polite way Mr. Heald answers the questions asked of him.
I don’t know your age but I am 53 and have 4 grandsons. I enjoy my time cruising with my family and one of my friends who wanted to go on a cruise before she died. We went to Hawaii. And that was one of the bad cruises because there was a flu going around the ship and the crew was really sick. But she was still happy we went.
I am not brainwashed or a clueless cruiser. And I hope that my comments here don’t make you feel roasted.
A Happy Blog Riff-Raff Cheerleader.
John – In regards to Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is the Jewish day of atonement. It is a day when we FAST for 25 hours. This year we will fast from sundown on October 7th through an hour after sundown on October 8th. So, when you were asked for meals for Yom Kippur, you should know that Carnival is already doing it without even knowing it – since we are not supposed to eat (or drink) ANYTHING during Yom Kippur.
The nerve of some people asking for free stuff and not happy with wht they get. T-shirts are 10.00 go buy your neice one. As for the BD girl(s) the cakes are 7.00 maybe your partner can get you one. I have been on Carnival 3 times when my BD and mothers day my partner/husband surprised my with cake and or flowers each time. This is not the job of John. These people sound like they are way to use getting handouts rather than paying their own way. As far as NYchick goes I/we have recieved a free fruit basket from the chef not because we aked for it but because we on a return trip we came across the chef stopped and spoke to him thanked him and his staff again for the wonderful time we had at the chefs table on previous trip. For all of those begger remember a little courteousy goes a long way.
Hi John,
I know this might be to late to get a answer, but here goes. I will be going on the Splender ,on Oct. 16, state rooom 1438. I have not gone on this ship, and I want to not miss anything. And I know ,you are a expert on this ship.What would you say ,is the one thing I should not miss on this ship. Like activities , eating,sitting watching stars,ect.Hope you get this in time, Iam a procrastinator.LOL
Thanks for the help.
Hey Patricia Blackden (intentional misnaming), nice attitude of entitlement you’ve got there. When you ask someone for a favor, it’s customary to say “please” and “thank you.” John sent too good a gift to your kid. I’d have sent her dog poo in a paper bag.
Also, I sailed with NCL earlier this year and they sell soft drink cards just like CCL does.
I am reading through John’s Q’s and A’s today and I can only make it thru half of them. The nerve of people. If you are that unhappy with Carnival, i.e., free stuff, loyalty programs, tours for free, my goodness – go someplace else. What a bunch of bullocks! (spelt correctly!)
John,
I hope you make a very special Yom Kippur meal. The traditional Jewish food to eat on Yom Kippur is ABSOLUTLY NOTHING. It is a complete 25-26 hour fast, which means nothing including water goes through the lips.
I propose you, out of respect for your Jewish customers (who should be in synagogue anyway), remove all food from the ship from sundown to sunup. I’m sure this would be easy and would cause no inconvenience for anyone. You can offload the food to a ship that will follow the boat.
Yasher Koach Rabbi. My sentiments exactly. What Jew cruises on Yom Kippur?
Hey, Mr. Heald…Just a short comment…I cannot believe the lady that ASKED for something from you for her daughter…then complained because it wasn’t specifically what she ASKED for! I have just recently started reading your blogs, and the emails from people, and find you really funny and kind. How you can ‘hold your tongue’ with some people amazes me! We have gone on 7 cruises with Carnival, and have my sister addicted with 6 under her belt. We took a back-to-back in December and were so thrilled with it we are doing it again In October. Then a plain ole 5 day in april. We have never NEVER been disappointed with the Ecstacy, or Conquest, and are now fixing to try out the Triumph. We’re so excited. Would it be okay to tell you how it goes when we get back? Thanks so much!
Linda Krause/Texas
Patricia Richards, dear…
10 million people in the US cruise every year…many of us have been cruising for 30 years and more…most of us here are Carnival fans….and many cruise several times a year — on Carnival…with children.,,
You are not special because you cruise. You are treated just like others who do. Your special treatment will begin when you have earned them..such as reaching Platinum status or above–or buy a suite or other luxury accommodation.
I can usually tell the level of travel experience one has by the posts they write. As a retired travel professional, 32 years helping folks like you have great vacations, I can say that either you’ve never cruised before or you’ve only cruised on Disney or one of the luxury cruises (which I doubt). See, NO mass market cruise line offers free soda for children except Disney who does in some venues. And, no mass market arbitrarily gives you a gift because you ask..and you have some nerve asking.
The way you approached John, with your vitriol and misinformation leads me to believe that you might be one of those chronic posters who use the internet to anonymously vent your spleen or practice your new rudeness…like an adolescent.
Usually, these folks have sad, small lives and nobody ever pays attention to them….
May, just maybe, if everyone stopped asking for freebies all the time Carnival could afford to come down on say,their drink prices. When you add up the price of a bottle of champagne, a plate of designer decorated strawberries and a SOS even at the discount Carnival gets for such large purchases, it has to end up being, at the end of the year, a pretty penny! Aha! I forgot the freaking fruit baskets. Gee whiz people it’s embarassing the things some of you ask for. PLUS, we are all sick of hearing you complain.
No apology is necessary to the heifer called NYchic. Ban her.
I don’t understand everyone always begging for something. And so few ask nice, Say thank you afterwards or please before. I want a table here, Can you get me this and leave it in my room, My Husband is finaly Potty Trained,, Can you get us a seating at the Captains Table to celebrate his accomplishment, and on and on and on.
I flew with Delta 2 weeks ago, didn’t ask for a t-shirt!
I stayed at a Hilton, didn’t ask for a trophy!
Why do some people feel like they are entitled to get something for free on a cruise line???
Please, thank you… Not that hard now, is it?
I’d be happy if Delta got my luggage (that I BOUGHT and paid for) from point A to point B without being lost of damaged….much less expect anything else from them!!
John,
First let me apologize for taking so long after our cruise on the Victory ended to write and thank you for helping our group have such a fantastic trip. There were over 40 of us who all met on Cruise Critic and thanks to you and the fantastic crew from the Victory, we had a fabulous trip.
Our tables, which you helped us to arrange, were wonderful – it was a real treat to get to spend each evening at dinner getting to know the others from our group better. While a couple of families knew each other, the rest of us had never met, but after getting the opportunity to become better acquainted at dinner each evening, on excursions, at our cocktail party in the Piano Bar, and our slot pull tournament, we are all attempting to book together again next year on the Carnival Dream.
I also want to say thank you to Matt, our cruise director, and to the captain and crew for doing such an excellent job at keeping us posted on what was going on with Tropical Storm Maria forced us to miss Saint Maarten and it was thought there would be a delay in returning to Puerto Rico – they were kind enough to open the phone lines for a phone call home and when the lines were clogged they opened the internet so that we could contact our children (and my sister, who was babysitting them) to let them know we were safe and that they should not worry and we would let them know when we were back in P.R. Of course, everything worked out perfectly and we docked right on time, but the communication on the changes in our schedule was brilliant and the crew truly went above and beyond to make us all comfortable and keep us advised so that rumours (spelled correctly) didn’t fly all over the ship and all the passengers knew what was going on.
As to the cruise itself, the ship was beautiful, the ports better than I could have imagined, the entertainment – entertaining, lol, and the Chef’s Table was simply the best dining experience I’ve ever had. From the moment we entered the galley we were blown away by the quality of the food presented, the expertise of the chef and his assistants, and the service – I would HIGHLY recommend the Chef’s Table experience to anyone who asks (and even to those who don’t ask my opinion!). The one thing that did surprise us a little bit is that the cookbook was no longer offered as part of the experience – I was looking forward to taking it home and trying the recipes, but I guess I’ll just have to spring for it next time I cruise (our luggage just barely met the weight requirements of the airline without extra fees so maybe it was a blessing in disguise – darn good thing they don’t weigh US after a cruise!).
I also want to thank the matire’d for accomodating us – we had originally been confirmed for Wednesday night, but since we added a few more people, he moved us to Friday – this was one couple’s anniversary, and since he had made special arrangements for a gift for his wife to be delivered to the dining room during dinner, he was not thrilled about the date change. The Maitre’d went above and beyond in helping us get the date rearranged to Thursday instead of Friday and then sent anniversary and birthday cakes to the Chef’s Table – which made us all laugh, because while it was a lovely gesture, we were so full we couldn’t even attempt to taste them – so we had them brought to dinner the next evening.
I also want to thank you for the trophy and strawberries you sent to our cabin. It was a real surprise – I wasn’t expecting anything and truly appreciated it! We had failed to win a trophy at 3 different games and I’d given up hope of going home with one – I don’t know why I obsess over them – but that 24 karat gold plastic trophy just made my day!
I guess I’ve gone on long enough, but again, thank you and thank you to the captain, crew, and entertainment staff of the Victory. Our 20th anniversary cruise was the best yet, and I can’t wait to board my next Carnival ship –
Hoping to one day cruise with you so I can thank you in person -
Jennifer Roy
Hi John,
Just stopping by to say hello and how much I enjoy your Facebook page and blog.
Not asking for anything! We are looking forward to our cruise in December on the Dream.
Hoping to cruise with you someday in the future.
Cheers!
Randy.
Since when is graduating HS some accomplishment? Whether it is that prat Patricia, or anyone else remembering to say please, stop using your kid’s ability to read and write as an excuse to say “gimme gimme”.
Morning John, My cruising friend, Ruth, and I just got back yesterday from a wonderful cruise on Carnival Ecstasy out of New Orleans. I’ve decided I really do prefer those smaller ships – I think it is Fantasy class. We actually did walk most of the steps as it is all so convenient. Steve Cassel is a wonderful CD and SO TALENTED. Our team waiter, Virgilio, has learned from Ken Brynes(his mentor) and sings and dances with the dining room. He also did a great job with his team John and Imade in serving. Sad to say I’m not overly impressed with the new menu although there are some nice additions – frog legs, spinach dip, alligator fritters. Guess what??? No shrimp cocktail the entire time. It’s not a problem for me as I live on the Gulf Coast but I know it is a favorite for many cruisers. They also have several of my past favorites all on elegant night. Besides the lobster & prime rib, the ribs and lasagne were also that night. Don’t worry, I always found plenty to eat and there was no shortage of food either on the Lido, deli, & pizzeria as they were very crowded during the day. I especially like the separate salad/fruit bar. You don’t have to wait in line just for that. Only one ice cream area but it had 3 machines going all the time. The ship recently had a redo and it really looks good. The water area is great and we also used the serenity area one afternoon. We had super entertainment, especially a solo singer /guitarist named Jerimiah (sp?)/Jerry. He was a crowd pleaser and people were crowded around whereever he was performing. He is from Vancouver. He would be wonderful for the Bloggers. My only complaint is that it ws only 5 days. For a few crazy moments we were tempted to stay on for the next 7 day trip but decided that was the rum punch talking and had to pass on it. Happy sails and we’ll see you in March for BC5.
Hello John, it not the first time i write you, i begin to travel only since 4 years, in january, i will be on the dream for the second time, and it will be my 5th cruise with carnival, for now i only cruising. My booking number is 528kx4,
i call two times at carnival and i received to differents answers, if i book another cruise in the same room just after this one, does i have to dissembark with all the luggages, or i can stay on the boat, or live the luggages inboard ??
My dauther came for us for the first time, it’s first vacation , she a nurse and she’s only 21 years old, i hope they will like cruising. Here in Québec i’m a salesman for cruise boat, and radio speaker (french station), on the air i often speak about my cruise experience and i know lot of people from my area begin to cruise because i receive a lot of mails and pictures from. i think Carnival have to do more advertising in french here in Québec, When the temperature drop at -20 celcius lot of people from Québec go to Florida, they will be a lot of potential customer for Carnival and here the recession was not hard, so money is not a problem.
Sometimes i send modified picture of you on facebook, Santa clauss last years, or freddy.. I hope it does not get you angry
Thanks
Denis
Sorry again for my english
John– I’m constantly amazed at folks who just EXPECT you to give, give, and give more when it is not something you have to do to begin with. Everyone is getting a great vacation deal. Anything extra is gravy…but the gravy is not guaranteed. Folks, if you are lucky enough to get something from John, then by gosh say THANK YOU and be grateful. If you don’t get anything, it’s possibly because the staff onboard did not get the message. And just because you asked for a Rolls Royce, that doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to get it. DEAL WITH IT PEOPLE!!!
But you see, At least in the US, It’s cut and dry for guys, we usually start out in tighty whities. As time progresses and we get a say in the matter, we generally move ourselves in to boxers, or not, it’s our choice. Most of my friends/aquaintances stick to that format. Pj’s are just a variation on environment (too cold, yada yada). Things get all mucked up when relationships start getting serious. Left to their own devices, most guys chose clothes with all the gusto of picking a type of cheese for that fancy gourmet sandwich at lunch. But when the significant other comes along and cohabitates, they put in their own two cents and either push the guy to head one way or the other or even just come home with the stuff they want the guy to wear. From birth, women are constantly telling us what we should or should not be wearing, I think we’ll just continue not to listen until there’s a sufficiently juicy carrot dangled in our faces to change our habits.
Lotti:
To bad your friend Sue did not teach you some manners, as she was telling you about John’s site.
The words PLEASE and THANK YOU are still in the English language.
Since no one taught you the proper use of these two words, hopefully you do a better job of parenting and teach your child.
Linda