I have decided that there’s no sodding point to chefs like Gordon Ramsey and his mates on the Food Channel. Every night, someone in a white outfit with their names stitched across it comes on the television to explain how to make a fois gras sauce for your breast of duck and how chili peppers go very well with strawberries. But I’m afraid Gordon, Emeril, Jamie, Marco, Bobby, Anthony and the countless others I’ve forgotten are wasting their breath because we all know that what we want is bacon and fried eggs.

You can have it for breakfast, lunch and supper. It works with ketchup just as well as it works with beer. You can make it in five minutes, even if you are crap in the kitchen, like me. And it’s impossible to get the recipe wrong. Indeed, I have decided there is a simple answer to every choice we face in the world today. Brand of television? Samsung. Music? Queen. Pin-up? Megan Fox. Food? Bacon and eggs. Car? Range Rover. And that brings us on to sports. Baseball is too complicated. Hockey is too fast. Golf is for freemasons or men with a strange pants fetish. The fact is that you can’t beat soccer. It’s easy to understand. It flows nicely. And there’s always another team you can have a fight against. It turns out, there is an answer to cruises, as well.

Over the last few years cruise lines have battled and fought and built bigger and taken our beards to try and beat us in the hopes that they could become the most popular cruise line in the world. But they have failed. Our ratings from guests are positive and there are brilliantly exciting times ahead with new destinations and new ships and so much more. Carnival Cruise Line then is the vacation equivalent of Freddie Mercury, the Range Rover, bacon and eggs and Megan Fox’s bottom.


Time for today’s Q and A session……………..off we go.


Phyllis Chinault asks:

Do you know who the cruise director will be on Conquest November 28, 2015?!??!?!?!?!?

John says:

Hello Phyllis Chinault

Your CD will be the very talented Jason Apps, so I know you will have fun. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Best wishes.


Charles Martyn asks:

Do you know how stupid and uneducated you sound when you promise your “cheerleaders” champagne just because they tell you how great you are blah blah blah. What you call champagne is actually sparkling wine. It is only called champagne if it comes from the Champagne region in France. Therefore, all champagne is sparkling wine but not all sparkling wine is champagne. Get your facts straight, Heald.

John says:

Hello Charles Martyn

Thank you so much for alerting me to this. Please send me your cabin number the next time you sail so I can send you a bottle of champa…..bugger……..sparkling wine. Best wishes.


Kevin Redding asks:

Now that relations between the U.S and Cuba are starting, will Carnival or any other of the sister companies make that a cruise stop?

John says:

Hello Kevin Redding

You may have read that our new sister company, Fathom (fathom.org), will start sailing to Cuba next year. Bear in mind that these are “social impact” voyages with volunteer work and other people to people activities. There is tremendous interest in the island and it really has the potential to be an exciting cruise destination, that’s for sure. As you know, the U.S. flag was raised in Cuba for the first time in more than 50 years, so the entire cruise industry is watching the political developments happening between the U.S. and Cuba with great interest. Cruise lines like Carnival, however, are not in a position to begin operating cruises to Cuba at this time but it is something that we’re certainly keeping an eye on. Best wishes.


Kevin Cornelison asks:

John, Let me first say January 16 we will be sailing on Carnival Fascination to The Bahamas. This will be my fifth cruise with Carnival. It will be my 11-year-old’s fifth cruise, my eight-year- old’s fourth, and my seven-year-old’s third cruise. We are a Carnival family!! Unfortunately, after 10 years of marriage their mom left us going on two years ago. For some reason beyond my understanding she decided she wanted to be a part-time mom. The good side to all that is I have full legal and physical custody and wouldn’t have it any other way. I cherish every day with my kids. And I actually get along great with their mom (for their sake). And she is genuinely excited for us to be going on another cruise, even if it is without her. But on the brighter side, a blessing came along a little over a year ago, that is my girlfriend Amber. She is a Godsend and not only the light of my life, but my children’s, as well. They love her so much. The Carnival Fascination will be her first ever cruise. She is already a huge Carnival fan, just like us, although she hasn’t set foot on one of your amazing Fun Ships yet. We sit and spend countless hours planning, reading the forums, and watching other cruisers’ videos online, and, of course, reading your blogs. She asks me every day, “Has John posted anything new yet?” She has become such a fan of yours. Almost every day she says to me, “Wow wouldn’t it be amazing if John ended up being on the Carnival Fascination for our cruise”? I, of course, tell her the likelihood of that is probably not too high, as I know you have a huge schedule. But just thought I would put the impossible question out there and ask if there is any chance you are on the Carnival Fascination for our January 16 cruise. And of course if you are not we are still going to have an amazing cruise. And we are going to keep watching all those hilarious videos online when the people were fortunate to have you on board. You always make us laugh. And she will probably continue to tell me how amazing it will be if you happen to be on the Fascination for our cruise. Thanks for being “our Fun Ship ambassador.” The Carnival family could not ask for a better one. Kevin

John says:

Hello Kevin Cornelison

I want to thank you for sharing your story here with us and for your kind words. I can understand the challenges you have faced and I am sure that your family are all very proud of the way you have continued to bring them up. I do wish I could be with you for your cruise but, instead, I wonder if I could ask that the day before you sail on the Carnival Fascination that you contact me on my facebook.com/johnheald page so I can see what we can do to make you smile so please include the cabin numbers. Thanks again and I send you all my very best wishes.


Mica Howard asks:

Mr. Heald: I was one of the people who were affected by the recent Carnival Breeze/Carnival Splendor switch. We decided to switch to the Carnival Magic rather than go on the Carnival Splendor again. I heard that the Carnival Magic is going into dry dock in 2016. Is this indeed the case and will she be getting the full 2.0 upgrades (BlueIguana Cantina and Guy’s Burgers in particular)? We had picked Carnival Breeze in the first place because of the ship so these upgrades will really make this situation more palatable. Thanks so much for your assistance. Mica Howard

John says:

Hello Mica Howard

Thanks for writing and I am sorry that we had to switch you around ship wise. We have not released details on the Carnival Magic’s dry dock but we’ll certainly keep you posted once we do. I am sure, though, that you will still have a brilliant cruise and if there is anything I can do for you please do let me know. Best wishes.


Marsha asks:

John, my question involves the deposits on our Sail & Sign accounts. I know that when using a debit card, they put a hold of $200 on your card and that’s fine, but into weeks I will be traveling with my 14-year-old daughter. What I am trying to figure out and can’t seem to find a straight answer about is are they going to put a $400 hold on my debit card because my daughter is on my account although she will not have charging privileges? I always put cash on her account for the arcade, candy etc., when we get there, anything else that she wants she comes to me and I charge it on my account. Hoping there is a way around the $400 hold and it will only be $200 hold, so I have more money for the casino, LOL. If you could please let me know, thank you for all you do for all of us. I enjoy reading all of your comments and questions. Was a little saddened to hear there may never be a chance of you being my cruise director? Cheers.

John says:

Hello Marsha

In this case, we would only take a $200 deposit on your card so please do not worry about that. I am sure you will both have a brilliant time together and one day I hope we can cruise on the same ship. Until then, I remain here at your service. Best wishes.


Sign of the Fish Cruiser asks:

The sick blasphemous words that spew from your mouth are sinful. John Heald, you will regret this when the roll is called up yonder.

John says:

Hello Sign of the Fish Cruiser

I am not sure what the context of your post is referring to but if I have upset you please do write to me so I can understand what has happened. Thanks so much. Best wishes.


Mandy Craven asks: Hi John: We are considering booking a cruise out of LA. We will be flying in for business the week before the cruise. Is there somewhere I could secure my laptop? I feel certain it would be fine in the room but my company has a very strict rule that it is locked in a secure place. I do not believe it will fit in the safe. Are there any other options? Thanks. Mandy

John says:

Hello Mandy Craven

I am sure it will be fine in your cabin but the only thing I can suggest is that if you’re OK with handing it to the guest services desk they can keep in their safe there. If you would like this to happen please let me know two days before the cruise via my facebook.com/johnheald page and I will make it so. I do hope we see you soon. Best wishes.


Frank Portland asks:

There should be a separate gangway for us Platinum passengers. It took 20 minutes or more to get back on the ship today in Cozumel. Sickening!!

John says:

Hello Frank Portland

I am sorry it took so long for you to get back on the ship. I know that in this port 45 minutes before the back-on-board time, there is usually a line. However our security teams work as quickly as they can but, of course, they have to be thorough and make sure they keep the ship safe. We have no plans to add a separate gangway for Platinum guests so I do thank you for your patience and, of course, your loyalty. I do hope we see you soon. Best wishes.


Jodi Hinz asks: Hi John, in the past, my husband and I have considered purchasing the Cheers program. During the at sea days and the first day of sailing, I feel like to program is completely worth the extra cost. On port days however, it is a waste of money as we always go to the ports and explore. Has anyone at Carnival ever considered making various plans within the program so that people like us would be more likely to purchase it? Thanks in advance for your response.

John says:

Hello Jodi Hinz

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and, while there are no immediate plans to change the Cheers program I will send your post to the chap in charge so he can see your thoughts. The program remains very popular so let’s see what happens as we move forward. Please let me know if you have any other questions or concerns and hope we see you soon. Best wishes.


Richard/Dee Oswald asks: John: Has Carnival consider giving a “Fast Track to Fun” pass to its Diamond members. It would be a great perk in getting your luggage quicker.

John says:

Hello Richard and Dee Oswald

Actually, the express luggage delivery is already included with the Diamond benefits, so there would be no need for this. I will keep you informed as to any other changes to our loyalty program and I hope to see you both soon. Best wishes.


Giles asks:

John my DW and I cherish your blogs, we heart the way you are so diplomatic even when insulted so hard by people with hate in their hearts. My question is has there ever been a time when you said that’s enough and tried to get the passengers thrown off the boat? There must be time the steam gets too much and you explode. See you on the bloggers cruise on the Carnival Miracle. We cannot wait.

John says:

Hello Giles

Thanks, Giles, and I look forward to seeing you on the BC9. That is a great question and to be honest, we really like keeping our guests happy and content and will do everything in our power to resolve the situation on board. Now I remember that there was this one time where a guest’s behavior simply could not be tolerated. It was on Carnival Freedom in 2009. I was in the then-cigar bar. It was elegant night — or may have been called formal night still as I can’t remember when we changed the name. Anyway, I was with my Assistant Cruise Director James and other staff members having a cigar (I miss the cigar bar so much, had to say it, sorry). It was all very nice; we were chatting about something and relaxing in between the two Captain’s Celebrations. I had my Diet Coke (haven’t had one for two years now and, shockingly, don’t miss them at all) and my Monte Cristo. The only thing spoiling this ambience was the loud and obnoxious conversation of two males in their mid-thirties a few feet away. They were both having a conversation as though instead of being just three feet apart, they were on opposite ends of the ship.

One man had a mullet and another had long greasy hair that you could have cooked bacon (and eggs) on. Anyway, there I was trying to have a conversation when I heard the conversation grow louder behind me and, eventually, it go so out of hand that they even propositioned – and then insulted and eventually accosted – the Thai waitress who was in the bar. He tried to give her his Sail & Sign card saying “Do you take this or would you prefer cash?” The waitress broke free and quickly walked away. The three of us were totally shocked and my first instinct was to go over to the guest, introduce myself and then use my cigar cutter on his gentleman’s sausage ….just one snip…but my thoughts turned to the young lady who had been abused in such a way.

I walked over to the bar pantry where she had run to and, sure enough, she was there sobbing. I gently asked her to confirm what I had heard and she seemed to be too scared to make a complaint, she didn’t want to get him or herself in trouble. But I was not going to let this greasy-haired troglodyte get away with this and, after a few moments of reassurance, she did indeed confirm that my hearing was 100% perfect. So then I had a choice to make……cigar cutter and a right hook or call security. I called security. A few minutes later the assistant chief security arrived along with one security guard and we convoyed over to where Mr. Yak Breath was sitting. I introduced myself and explained what I had heard and that the chief security and staff captain would now need to talk to him. He stood up on and tried to square off at me but, being big in the stomach as I was back then, has its uses. OK, I may not have been built for speed but I think he knew that between me and the two ex-military security personnel, he was never going to win that fight. And so, he started to say it was only a joke and that he didn’t mean it and ….I told him to be quiet and listen. And so, the guest was led away followed by his mate “mullet man” who was uttering the words “lawsuit” and then turned to me and said, “I am a U.S. Citizen and you are the alien here”… alien …….I know I’m ugly……….but alien?!………..I was going to tell him he should probably spend his money having a haircut rather than hiring a lawyer but I let it go. So, the guest was warned and told that any further reports of any bad behavior would result in him being removed from the ship.

And….that was that, or so I thought. The bar waitress was given some time off and offered counseling and we all got on with our busy lives…..until 2 pm two days later while the ship was docked in St. Thomas. I was busy blogging or doing something at the computer when my phone rang. It was the staff captain (second in command) who asked me to pop over to his office. I wasn’t prepared for what followed. When I arrived, the staff captain looked troubled and I saw that he had been joined by the chief security officer…….something was not right……who had done what? The conversation went like this and I will try and type with an Italian accent


STAFF CAPTAIN……..eeee……….Johnny………..you zee…….we have a sexual harrasmenta case against you John


ME: Bollocks, staff captain


STAFF CAPTAIN: Nooo, is noa bollacks, I ama nota talking s**ta


OK, you get the drift. I couldn’t believe it……..sexual harassment …… me ……. with whom? …… when?………had someone made a complaint about me from years ago?……. had Sally Poole called to say that I had tied a mirror to my shoe to look up her skirt when I was 12?

“Who?” I asked……..……….what did I say?……….what did I do? The staff captain then made it even more of a concern when he told me that the complaint had come from a guest. “Bloody hell,” I thought………and my mind raced through the last few days and the spoon game and the lady whose blouse lifted up when she pulled the string too hard and the lady I had hugged at the cocktail party and……..who the hell was it?

The staff captain told me then the lady’s name…….and then showed me her A-PASS security photo…it was a lady in her forties whom I had never seen before but, according to the staff captain, it had been alleged that I had made some unwelcome advances to her. I had nothing to say…..I just stood there……my stomach churning. Then, the staff captain said, “Someone had phoned the Miami office and asked for the security department and had said that you were harassing a woman.” And then…….and without warning…..I suddenly became Columbo with a huge dollop of Sherlock Holmes mixed in. It was him…….Yak Breath ………. the guy that I had caught asking the waitress for ……..well……..you know.

So, the investigation began both on board and by the head office in Miami led by my old friend and ex-New York state trooper……..well…….I can’t write his name but I have always called him Mr. Cannoli……because he is Italian, of course. Anyway, an hour later I was called back and, sure enough, I was right. The guest who apparently I had alleged acted improperly with knew nothing about this and even said that she had cruised with me before and thought I was very funny, etc. Mr. Cannoli had discovered the cell phone used to phone in the complaint did indeed belong to the passenger who had himself sexually harassed the bar waitress……..and this was his pathetic attempt at revenge. I had been right……and after the staff captain had apologized and I had called Mr. Cannoli to say thanks, I turned to leave the office…….and stopping at the door entrance, I turned…….and using my best Columbo impression, I said, ”Ah, just one more thing.” So, the guest was immediately disembarked at the next port of call where I truly hope he was given a very hard time by Customs authorities and he got to experience the touch and feel of latex.

I then had the embarrassment of having to face this lovely lady and her husband and apologize for the terrible questions she had to answer ……..I spoiled them as much as I could for the remainder of the voyage. This event also highlighted our shoreside security and surveillance department who never get any thanks or praise……….until now……..thanks, guys. And as for Mr. Yak Breath……..well…….I have a feeling that maybe he has been arrested and is in jail sharing a cell with a 350-pound man called Billy Bob who will play some banjo music and….well, I digress. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s on my Facebook page writing under a false name and use this forum as chance of revenge.

Yep, this was very much an isolated incident, a one-off if you will, and I know how our guests, how much you, value the service and fun the crew give you each and every day you are on board. That’s the story and, of course, the victim in all of this was the bar waitress. She should not have been spoken to like that and I am glad I was there to help and support her. She is part of what continues to be the best part of a Carnival cruise, the crew. They remain the heartbeat and certainly they never deserve to be spoken to as she was. I am so thrilled that the bar waitress is still with us, still serving our guests and doing so with a smile that would lighten up the darkest room.



Your friend,


Comment Policy

Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous, unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.

33 Responses to One day, some years ago while I was having a cigar

  1. Irene Garner says:

    I think Charles Martyn needs to get his facts right. John never promises champagne to anyone.

  2. joanne says:

    Hi John, I usually don’t have a lot of time to read the lenghy blogs but have been on hold with another cruise line. I read with great interest your story about the persons who made unwelcome advances and crude remarks to the bar waitress. I’m seething just thinking about it. Sadly I’m not surprised that “Americans” were at fault here. That mentality that “we’re better than everyone else” and “I’m on vacation, I can do whatever I want” turns my stomach. You know me from our Super Bowl themed cruise that we’ve put on CCL many times. I deal with upwards of 1000 guests in my group and rarely have any issues. But sometimes there’s one rotten apple. We’re on CQ for 2/6/16 and very much looking forward to sailing CCL again; we have well over 900 guests already. Sure would be nice to see you on a ship again! I’ve been enjoying your unique sense of humor for years (sailed w/you back in 1991) and value the columns you and your assistants put out there for us. Thanks for all you do. p.s. hope your family rebounds from the sad ordeal of re-homing your puppy. Best wishes, Joanne (Cruises Etc)

  3. Bonnie Tift says:

    John,I must admit I do not know how you put up with all you do but Carnival has done the right thing in giving you the position you hold. I like many others will probably never get to actually meet you but sure wish I could! As far as the ones that put you down I believe it is pure jealousy. Keep up the great work and know we appreciate you!

  4. Rose Marie says:

    I just have to reply to Frank Portland’s post. I’m Gold and I would love to see two separate gang planks. One of us Red and Gold members and another for you Platinum and Diamond members. You see, there are more of you. You out number us by miles. So by having your own gang plank our line we will be much shorter and we’ll get on the ship sooner. So you will be doing us under lowly golds a big favor. Be careful of what you ask for. Because while you are still in a long line waiting to board the only line I’ll be in is the one at the Buffet. Having boarded way before you. So thanks for your suggestion.

  5. Cynthia Ravenscraft says:

    John, that was a touching story. So glad the good guys one and the jerk lost. Always a great day when the jerks do not get what they want. Congratulations to that sweet waitress for all of her hard work and dedication. She is an asset to Carnival.

    Kevin Cornelison, I loved your story. Our first cruise was on the Fascination and it was brilliant. We had a blast. If you are pulling out of Jacksonville just one tip… use a porter to take your luggage on and off the ship. It will go a lot quicker. That Port reminded us of a big warehouse with passengers being prodded through like a heard of cattle.

    Marsha, a great way to help budge for your sail and sign card spending is buying Carnival gift cards at your local grocery store before you leave. Once on the ship you can go to guest services and have the money applied to your account and then add a credit card or some other payment method to be used after the gift cards are exhausted. This way you can give your daughter a set allowance and even buy the cards a little each payday so as not to have it all come out of your bank account at one time. I hope you two have a great time.

  6. L Merring says:

    Just FYI – the US did not sign the treaty requiring Champagne only com that place in France because it was during prohibition. Therefore in the US any sparkling wine can be called Champagne.


    I do hope carnival seriously considers different levels of “cheers” packages. I can only increase the bottom line.

  8. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

    Cruisers do need to carefully consider how to secure their Sail and Sign card.

    Personally, I would never use a debt card. The length of time it takes for holds to be removed can be an issue, because a hold is treated just like a charge.

    If folks miscalculate or cut it to close, they have end up overdrawn with the bank charges that come along with that.

    The same caution should be used when securing the Sail and Sign account with a credit card IF a cruiser is close to their limit. The holds on a credit card also acts as a transaction that eats up your credit limits.

    We have always used a credit card, but we never carry a balance. So, we do not have to worry about the holds reaching the credit card limits.

    So many people are not aware of how holds work. Being informed is key.

    Sorry we will miss y’all on BC 9. We have tickets to take DJ to the Daytona 500 2016!
    He can not wait!

    Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)

  9. Elizabeth Malkinski says:

    I have recently come across your blog and fb page and am now an avI’d follower. My husband and I are taking a cruise January 16 (my 2nd and his 1st). We spend hours scuring the net watching videos, reading about each port, planning on what we need to pack…ok, I am doing most of the planning of our clothing choices…you get the picture.
    From what I have read, your CD can really make your cruise.
    Do you have the CD schedule for the Valor? (Though I wish it was going to be you?)

    Thanks so much for your amusing rants, anecdotes, and goofy stories! It’s refreshing to see that you actually answer people personally, while keeping us in stitches!

    Oh, one other thing. You never seem to mention the Valor. Have you sailed on her recently?

    • Skip says:

      This is your second cruise, what possible difference could it make who the cruise director is?

    • Tonya says:

      You’re right, the Valor is rarely mentioned. She was my first cruise and I lOVE HER.

      Have a great time!

  10. Tell Frank Portland to get a life and when he gets to be a Diamond and then he can request a private gangway

    • rick drake says:

      I am Platinum and I am embarrassed by Frank Portland’s attitude. If this was a pirate ship, he would get his own gangplank to walk.

  11. Ian Hart says:

    I see the Platinum’s are still expecting something more. I have started to hate the word Platinum

    • B. stannard says:

      Sigh, I am platinum, and sometimes hate to admit it because of the stigma some people have attached to it.

  12. Doris Claytor says:

    Wish I could go on a cruise with you,I will be on the Conquest January 17th
    My husband always cruised with me but I lost him to pancreatic cancer two years ago,
    So I will be taking my daughter in-law on her first cruise ,took my grandaughter twice last
    Year still enjoy cruises but there seems to be something missing.love you John Heald for
    All you do I know somedays is rough being away from your family I can truly say I appreciate
    All of carnival workers for all their hard work .love talking to the workers to find out where they
    Are from and about their families ,can’t be easy being away from their families.
    Continue your good work and have a nice day. Maybe someday we will meet in person

  13. Helen sadler says:

    My question is one that I don’t remember being addressed.

    I understand the screw on lids for water & soda bottles, no problem.
    How about the soft small wine packages of 500ml, which shows 3 glasses in box. These packages have a screw on lid; can we bring these aboard? I would appreciate it if you would address this. Thank you.

  14. Pierce Gawne says:

    Hello John,

    I just want to thank Carnival for all the nice stuff you all do. A few weeks ago I had sent a note about dining, however I received a reply that you don’t address that anymore. That is kind of sad.

    We are sailing on the Magic 6 September, 2015 (booking 5T3PW9) and had really hoped to get a table for 2. However, it really isn’t needed as we have made friends with some people we are going to try to dine with. I will visit the MDR the morning of boarding to try to arrange this.

    Now yesterday, Eric called from post booking and offered us such a deal, that now, we have to sail on the Magic for 2 weeks.

    So nice, but wait, is it really mean? I know how hard it is to leave the ship after 1 week, but 2? Now that I think of it, maybe it is not so nice after all.

    Anyway, this is really cool as my bride an I will celebrate our birthdays, and another year of marriage, and get spoiled consistently from the staff of the Magic. I sure hope it is Magical.

    If you were on the sailings, I would be more than happy to share a few cigars with you. Someday perhaps kind sir.

    A big thank you to you, and all of the people who make Carnival what it is.

  15. Cathi Deal says:

    I was so impressed that you have given up Diet Coke as well in your quest to lose weight and add years for yourself and your family. I know you have also bought yourself some new jeans. I think it’s time you let your ship photog take a picture of the new you…what say, everyone, do you agree?

  16. Eric Kramer says:

    as a guy with 4 kids(2 girls, 2 boys) who have been on 4 cruises and we are now taking the oldest 4 year old son on a cruise in Oct10th. to Mexico on the Miracle.
    You are the Man! I only wish I would have been there!!

  17. KruiserKaren says:

    Oh no, Frank Portland! You spent 20 minutes in line with the peasants? *shudder* I hope you had a long shower and washed the horrible experience off you. Poor dear. Perhaps a free cruise in in order?
    Seriously? Entitled much?

  18. Rachelle Diamond says:

    John, that was a beautiful story. From a woman’s point of view – your immediate rescue of the bar waitress was a decent thing, that helped her through her disgusting experience – I applaud you and wish more were like you. Glad you got the bugger kicked off the ship too.

  19. Debra N Seay says:

    John, you continue to amaze me with your wit, sage advise and memories! Thank you for all you do!! Wishing you well and continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Currently, hubby and I are on The Dream, having a most wonderful time!! BTW, when are you sailing to Bermuda? Debi

  20. sharon hewitt says:

    John Heals…brilliant…Columbo and the Misogynist Mullet Man!

  21. Karl says:

    Geeze Charles, stupid and uneducated are strong words, but I don’t believe they can be directed at John in this case. A simple Google of Californian Champagne will confirm that not all Champagne comes from Champagne region in France. I know this is a popular belief, but for the educated, it’s well known. Keep up the great work John. Your efforts are greatly appreciated.

  22. Richard Hayes says:

    Frank Portland, I have a bad back that hurts when I have to stand too long but I do not ask Carnival or any line to open a gangway for me and people like me. If they do, then great, if not then I lean against something or sit down. I now have a rollator walker so I can sit while in line.

  23. Len says:

    A reply to Frank Portland. As a Platinum Carnival Cruiser I to would like a separate gang way but that is not likely to happen. If our fellow guests would be prepared to board when they reach the ship it would go very fast. In other words have your sail and sign card out ready to punch in instead of on the bottom of your purse. know that all your packages will be scanned. Don’t stop to talk to your friends and family as soon as you clear the scanner as this blocks anyone else from continuing on.

  24. Robert Clark says:

    Greetings John, you have probably mentioned this before, but what football team do you support?

  25. Robbin Moertle says:

    I just wanted to suggest that the person using a debit card to secure her account think about using a prepaid visa or master card instead. It is possible she could get charges from the port or her card could be compromised during the trip without her knowledge and her bank account could be emptied. You just put the amount of cash on the prepaid card you intend to spend while on your trip.

  26. Alma says:

    John oh John will we get another carnival ship in Tampa for 2016 I know we will get the pride for a short time in 2017 why is carnival abondoning us with just the paradise…..

  27. Kevin McKay says:

    Thank you for all you do. My wife and I will be on Sunshine Nov.8th celebrating our Anniversary . Cabin 7141.

  28. Esther foster says:

    What ship will malcolm be oncruise director

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