As you will be reading down below we have a bit of a Christmas controversy appearing in the Q and A section and indeed it’s another example that the holiday season is here and some would say it’s been here in the shops and in advertising since August. Certainly as I wandered my local shopping street in Southend on Sea this past weekend trying to decide what to buy Heidi and my parents I felt very Christmassy indeed. This was mostly because of the music. First we had the lovely brass sounds of the Salvation Army Band playing outside Marks and Spencers which is the store where since the age of 17 I have bought my underpants. The band played Oh Holy Night prompting me to put some money in their collecting box.

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Please note today’s blog will on several occasions feature the word plonker. Here is the definition — British origin… Means “thingy,” used as a derogatory term or an idiot, but also often used affectionately. I hear it morning noon and night. That sodding glockenspiel riff that goes “tum, tum-ti tum tum, tum-ti tum-ti tum tum.” It’s the theme tune to my daughter’s favourite program, the replacement to Barney who has been discarded like a pair of soiled underpants and I may as well get used to it because it’s going to be ringing in my ears for the foreseeable future……I am talking of course about Peppa Pig. I hated Barney and I hate Peppa Pig even more and want to serve her up with some apple sauce and some crispy roasted potatoes.

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I spent a wonderful 25 minutes last night in perfect solitude. Kye was in bed, Heidi was watching TV and so accompanied by my Andy Macnab book, I retired to the toilet. It was nearly 30 minutes of total relaxation as I read about Secret Agent Nick Stone and his adventures delivering some shock and awe by shooting Somali pirates in the face before having rumpy pumpy with 27 Latvians…………….James Bond, my arse.

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As some of you may know I have been nominated for a mash potato award in the category of “Business Person You Should Follow Thingy.” It seems that I am up against the godmother of the Carnival Freedom Kathy Ireland who has millions of followers who like her range of beautiful clothing and home goods plus she has I am sure some men who follow her because she is jaw droppingly beautiful. I have met her and introduced her on stage and she is a wonderful lady and a deserved winner of the award.

Let’s see who else has been nominated by cutting and pasting what the people at Mash Potato have written.

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So in a week’s time I will be home in the bosom of my family and it appears that one of the first things I will be doing will be spending my very hard earned money on a dog. Yep, for those who have been long time blog readers, you will know I have tried over the last few years to put it off but Heidi is like the Borg……..resistance is therefore futile.

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As you know Heidi and Kye were supposed to be with me this week, a week I fully had intended to spend with them and to enjoy some wonderful family time. I had booked a nice family hotel called The Loew’s and it was going to be just wonderful. Then Heidi had to go to Holland leaving me to argue with British Airways about refunds. And all of this resulted in my now well documented Grumpypants week.

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I am feeling very, very grumpy today. It all started with a movie I ordered on the TV in my hotel room last night. No, it didn’t involve Latvian women doing naughty things with a man called Foot Long Tom…….I have seen that one already…….twice. What got me hopping mad was that I ordered a movie called Margin Call about the debt crisis. I was hoping that this movie was going to give me an insight into how AIG spent all my savings at lap dancing clubs and that the movie would show the bastards all losing their jobs and living in a box under a bridge. So I settled down to watch some fine acting from Kevin Spacey and Jeremy Irons when twenty minutes into the movie it froze. Bugger!

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I hope you all had a fun Halloween. I spent it in my hotel room with the door locked and bolted in case a child staying in the hotel decided to knock on the door and say “Hola, tricko oro treato.” The ships on the other hand celebrated in full Halloween style all except the Carnival Miracle which has a nude charter and where every night could be a potential horror night.

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I mentioned on Friday’s blog that people tend to for whatever reason tell me their problems and so it was on Saturday which in itself was a busy day. I had woken early to get off the Carnival Liberty so that I could go to Miami airport and rent a car from a 17-year-old man called Jose whose nose had been abused by a staple gun. Once in the car and if and only if I survived the journey on I-95 which in my opinion should be renamed Hell Road Of Certain Death, I would return to the ship and walk around with our Chairman and CEO Micky Arison and his entourage, more of which we shall speak soon. Anyway, by the time I got back to the Marriotcontinentalhyatt I was pretty tired. I had just started unpacking again when my raspberry started to ring and on the other end was a rather distraught beard from the Miami office.

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